Archive of Our Own

A hard tap on the window resounded through the spacious room. Iruka, who had just fallen asleep an hour ago suddenly sat up, his vision blurry as he tried to look around, wondering if he had heard right. Another tap echoed and Iruka quickly snapped his head to the window beside his bed. He gasped, heart beating violently against his chest in surprise once he saw an ANBU by his window.

In a sleepy state, Iruka stood up and went to his window, opening it without any hesitation but at the back of his mind, he kept wondering why an ANBU was present in the middle of the night. Kakashi was away from a mission—

“Kakashi!?” He blurted out, the sleepiness now replaced with worry. And his heart dropped when the ANBU nodded and told him he’s at the hospital.

Needless to say, about half an hour, he had arrived at the steps of the hospital. Each step was like a glass piercing through his heart, wondering what had happened to Kakashi this time, hoping that everything would be okay.

That Kakashi was okay. And alive.

When Iruka entered the room, hair disheveled and still wearing casual clothes, he was greeted with a sight that made his eyes pool with tears.

There Kakashi laid, unconscious but breathing. Alive but—Iruka walked closer, took note that Tsunade was also present in the room, still busy injecting needles inside his arm.

“Iruka-sensei,” Tsunade called out once he was by the foot of his bed, eyes dancing over Kakashi’s naked torso, noticing a lot of new stitches near his pectoral, arms, and abdomen. Iruka closed his eyes as a tear fell down.

The sight of Kakashi hurts more like a kunai sliced his chest open, ripped his heart out, and left him bleeding, unable to breathe and—but Kakashi’s alive. That’s enough.

After Tsunade was done, the Godaime approached him and told him all the details of Kakashi’s injury. It broke him more to know that Kakashi came home like this, he survived walking through the woods with his whole body bleeding and weak. Tsunade told him how the guard at the gate found him almost crawling. They helped him up quickly and the rest was history.

They didn’t have any idea if Kakashi was ambushed or it happened during his mission, however, Tsunade assured him that she had already sent a team to investigate Kakashi’s route.

When the Godaime was done instructing Iruka on what she did to Kakashi, and what to do if he woke up, she left them alone.

Iruka sighed, mind hazy as his feet took him to Kakashi’s side. Gently, he pushed the messy locks away from Kakashi’s forehead, also noticing that there was a small slash on his forehead, probably from the metal of his hitai-ate. He released a soft healing chakra and pressed his forehead against his hand on Kakashi’s forehead.

~

It must’ve been days before Kakashi had finally fluttered his eyes open. Iruka was beside him, reading his book peacefully when he heard a small groan. Feeling relief all of a sudden, Iruka puts his book down and immediately asking for Kakashi to stay put as he called for a medic-nin.

Iruka waited patiently at the side, watching every movement the medics were doing as they checked Kakashi’s vitals, all the while, giving Kakashi small smiles every time the jounin glance at him.  When they were done with their duty and instructing Iruka that Kakashi could eat soft foods later. And finally, they were alone. 

With a conscious Kakashi. Just like how Iruka liked.

“Hey,” Iruka started, slowly walking towards his lover, becoming worried by the second as he received no reply from the other. Kakashi had his head bowed down, his fingers on his lap, fidgeting with so much anxiety attached that Iruka couldn’t help but take hold of them, warming up Kakashi’s cold and lean fingers.

“Kashi?”

“Iruka…”

Iruka took a seat at the side of the bed, his actions caused Kakashi to move a little to give him space.

Still with a smile etched on Iruka’s scarred face, he lifted his other hand up to fix Kakashi’s unruly fringes. Dirt and stickiness stuck on his fingers, given that Kakashi hadn’t had a full bath in a long time, but the chunin-sensei didn’t mind.

“How are you feeling, Kakashi?” He whispered, his hands still continued their ministrations, wanting Kakashi to feel he’s home, safe, and with him. The jounin, however, still refused to look at him, one eye shut while the other glued on his lap.

“Kashi?”

“I’m sorry…” Kakashi’s hoarse voice echoed through the spacious room. Iruka badly wants to reprimand Kakashi for there wasn’t really any reason to be sorry about, but the jounin cuts him off. “I tried—and I always…”

“Kakashi…” Iruka moved his hand down, cupping those warm cheeks. He forced him gently to look at him, heart breaking into pieces once Kakashi did. His left eye was closed but tears were streaming down, his right eye was bruised but was also releasing a stream of uncontrollable tears.

With such gentleness, Iruka wiped his face.

“I’m sorry for always coming home so weak, so useless,”

“N-no, Kakashi,”

“I kept wondering as I struggled to go home, whether or not you’ll be here to welcome me, but you always do,” Kakashi blinked away the tears, gray orb, so unreadable and beautiful, stared into Iruka’s—into his very soul. “But Iruka, you’re free to not always welcome me home,”

Iruka gaped, mind couldn’t process whether what he had heard was correct or not, but Kakashi continued.

“I’m not worthy of your welcome home because I couldn’t even be there for you every day,” Kakashi sniffed, hand coming up to wipe his nose, “I’m tiring you. I worry you. A complete opposite on what should a lover do,”

“Kakashi…”

“I don’t bring you peace of mind and heart. You deserved so much more than someone who- who’s just here to—”

Kakashi had no idea how much Iruka wanted to punch him. It saddens him, it broke him to know the jounin had thought of himself so low, so undeserving. It pained him more to think Kakashi had doubts in his ability to make Iruka fall in love with him.

He had loved him the moment Kakashi had stuttered as he held a bouquet in his hand. He loved him the moment he saw how kind Kakashi was to Naruto. He loved him the moment Kakashi asked him to be his.

He loved him every moment Kakashi comes home.

Iruka gently pulled the jounin in a hug, too speechless to express his thoughts, too hurt for he let Kakashi thought of himself, themselves, that way.

“Iruka, I’m sorry,”

“I know you spent almost all your life serving Konoha,” Iruka started, one arm made its way around Kakashi’s neck while his other around the jounin’s waist. Loving how their bodies molded with each other perfectly, how Kakashi’s frame fits in his embrace like it was meant to be.

Because it’s meant to be.

“All those blood and horrifying things you have seen and experienced. I know they’re bad, I know you did some things that are out of your control. And I’m sorry I didn’t come into your life sooner,” He whispered against Kakashi’s disheveled hair, pressing a kiss on the patch of skin his lips could reach, which was Kakashi’s hairline.

“All the things you have done and haven’t done yet don’t define with what’s worthy for you to receive.” Iruka pulled back a little, hand cupping Kakashi’s face once again, brown orbs staring directly onto Kakashi’s gray one.

“Kakashi, I know who I love.” Iruka smiled, eyes starting to tear up when Kakashi released a muffled sob, trying so hard to hide, “I chose who I loved. And I’m not scared of the consequences because there are no consequences, Kakashi...”

Iruka leaned forward to drop a kiss on Kakashi’s closed left eye, soft lips touched damp lashes ever so gently. “It pains me to know that you think I’m getting tired. Well, I’m not. Never had and never will.”

“Iruka,”

The chunin-sensei pressed another kiss on his cheek, “I don’t wish for anything extravagant and romantic, like a common lover would do,” That brought out a small chuckle from Kakashi, which Iruka took it wholeheartedly that he couldn’t help but to kiss his other cheek.

“Just with you coming home alive, I wouldn’t want anything in the world,”

Iruka kissed him gently, pure and sweet, just feeling each other’s love and warmth.

“Every mission, every errand, just come home to me by the end of the day, it would be enough,” Iruka smiled at Kakashi, heart beating wildly when the jounin gave him a weak one. He still could see the doubt and insecurity, Iruka’s aware he couldn’t just break it right there but—

“That would be enough, Kakashi…” He pressed his forehead against his, eyes looking at Kakashi’s lone one, appreciating how the tears had stopped now.

“You’re enough for me,”