Chapter Text
Me
so let me tell you, right, last night's dream was weird as hell
i was in the kitchen, right? n u no how the back door has the top window that opens well i was lookin out it
and
there's this moose. a motherfuckin moose like what th hell???? so its munchin on the grass
dad said u need 2 cut that btw
and i'm just like "k cool watevs" and so i ignore it? rational thing right. ignore the moose in ur garden
but anyway i turn around and just lean against the door (theres like 3 other ppl in the kitchen eating)
and for a few mins everything is cool. then there's like this tapping behind me?? i'm like whaaa??? so i turn
and it's the bloody moose. tappin at the glass with its antlers. i'm really freaked at this point but no1 else seems 2 care
so i ignore it agan
big mistake, man,
the bloody thing just crashes through the door
i get stabbed by its antlers
there's blood everywhere
and the moose just starts eating everyone in the kitchen
Damian
What
Me
ikr! so weird ahaha
Damian
No I mean 'what' as in What the fuck? Who the fuck even are you?
Me
...
this isn't damian, is it?
Not-Damian
No
Me
fuck
I'm so sorry
this probably isn't what you wanted to wake up to
but i'm going to kill that little shit
again, i am so sorry
Not-Damian
Don't worry about it. I'm sure he didn't mean to give you the wrong number
Me
i'm sorry but have you met my little bro? nothing he does is an accident. ever
Not-Damian
No, I have not met your little brother. And I'm sure that's not the case
Me
mate, i am serious that is the case. once when i was, like 7, this was just after i had moved in mind u, he managed to fill my room with fleas
like
where do you even buy flees
i'm pretty sure thats illegal
would you ever do that to your big bro, mate??? fill his room with fleas????
Not-Damian
"Mate"?
Me
is that not what we are. i thought we hand bonded, like, over our mutual hatred for my brother. i thought it was a prerequisite for friendship, or something
Not-Damian
I don't hate your brother!! I don't even know your brother!
Me
thank yourself lucky, lol
both my brothers are dicks
hahahaha
it's funny cos one of them is actually called dick LOL
Not-Damian
Your brother is called Dick?
Me
ye
well, Richard, and he's not as much of a dick as damian
at least HE gave me the right number
do you have bros????
Not-Damian
No
I did always want some, though
Me
omg
take that back
all brothers are shits, trust me
i once had one that use to smear like anything on the walls
he was fixated with cats too
it was terrible
worst brother ever
thank god he's gone now i can't even remember his name
i don't think he had one
do u wanna swap lives?????
u get dick and dami
i get no one
it's a win/win but no takebacks if u say yes
Not-Damian
Uh
No, thanks.
Anyway, I have to go, class is about to start.
It was nice... meeting you?
Me
aw shit yeah my class started 10 minutes ago whoops i betta run
hope roy saved me a seat
enjoy your day stranger
again, sorry about all this, man