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It all started with a knock at the door.
Buck was alone, like always, and definitely wasn’t expecting company. He’d gotten off shift a few hours okay and had immediately gotten into some comfy clothes and placed himself on the couch, ready for another night of wallowing in self-pity.
He was halfway through his second beer when the sound of a fist banging against his door echoed around the empty apartment. Begrudgingly, Evan made his way towards the unwelcome disturbance. He really wasn’t in the mood for company, and company never seemed to be in the mood for him.
The last thing he expected when he threw the door open was to find Josh Russo waiting patiently on the other side. Clearly the confusion was obvious on Buck’s face as Josh erupted into a fit of giggles at the cartoonish expression.
“Hey! Why are you laughing at me…” Buck’s face changed into what could only be described as a childish pout as Josh regained his composure.
“Sorry, you just looked so confused. Don’t worry, it was kind of adorable. I’m pretty sure Maddie has given me the exact same look. Anyway, do you mind if I come in, there’s something I need to show you.”
Evan moved out of the way, inviting his sisters’ best friend into his apartment. Knowing Maddie would be furious if he didn’t act as a good host, Buck graciously offered Josh a drink and told him to make himself at home. As the seconds ticked by, he became agonisingly aware of Josh’s growing unease. Something was not right.
“So… is everything okay? You said you needed me to see something, right?”
“Yeah, I went to delete my profiles from the dating apps I was on and when I opened one of them the first thing I saw was this. It’s your photo. Buck, someone is using your pictures to catfish people.”
“AGAIN! SERIOUSLY?”
“Woah what do you mean again? This has happened before?”
“Yeah, a guy used my name and pictures, he pretended to be me and these girls got so mad… it’s a long story.”
“Well whoever this is, isn’t using your name just your pictures.”
“Okay, this sucks. Thanks for telling me Josh.”
“Yeah, no problem. I’ve got to get to my shift. I’ve reported the person’s account, it’ll probably be taken down. I’ll talk to you late, don’t wanna be late, Sue might actually kill me.”
“Yeah, uh… thanks Josh.”
Buck was pissed. How could this be happening again. After the last time, he’d been so careful with his online profiles, making sure only his friends could see his posts, but evidently that didn’t do a damn thing. Guilt was starting to eat him alive. He couldn’t stop thinking about the poor people who were lied to and manipulated by someone using Buck as a mask. Opening his laptop, Buck took a deep breath trying to compose his thoughts as best he could. He needed help and he didn’t know where to get it. Ironic really, that the internet was the cause of his problem but was also his best solution.
‘My identity was stolen to catfish people, what do I do?’, Buck cringed as he typed the phrase into google. For a long time, he’d thought that asking for help, be it online or in real life, was weak but he didn’t have any other options. He wasn’t sure if he felt reassured or saddened by just how many others felt like he did, who blamed themselves for things that were beyond their control. A number of anonymous posts pointed him to one place in particular… It seemed that enough people had been a victim of this for a support group to have been started up near his very own apartment. Maybe it was time he gave talking about his feelings a go, and what better place to do it than surrounded by those who understand what you feel.
Walking into the community centre for the first time was kind of intimidating. There were chairs placed around the room, people all conversing with each other as they helped themselves to the complimentary snacks. The attendees had seemingly all been here frequently enough to know each other well. Buck felt out of place as he chose a seat furthest away from others.
He came here for support and he couldn’t help but feel more alone than ever. Before he could get too lost in his thoughts, a young woman made her way to the front of the room signalling everyone else to take a seat.
“Hey guys! I would say it’s nice to see a few new faces here today but let’s be honest having to be here isn’t something to celebrate. Everyone in this room, myself included, has had their identity stolen and used to hurt others. Those of you who have been here before know my story, but here is a brief rundown for our newbies. My name is Kate, I’m a model so my pictures are all over the internet. Someone decided to use those pictures and my name to manipulate young women into sending explicit selfies. This guy, claiming to be me, said the company I work for was looking for new talent and that these girls were exactly what they were looking for. He had them send underwear and nude shots, suggesting that the photos were an audition of sorts. I was lucky, the man behind it all was found and charged and the women he hurt didn’t blame me, though that didn’t stop me from blaming myself… Unfortunately, not every catfishing story has a somewhat happy ending like mine. I want the new people in this room to know they don’t have to speak today or any day for that matter, some people are just here to listen and feel less alone. There is no right or wrong way to do this. On that note, who wants to go next?”
Buck spent the next hour listening to story after story of pain and humiliation. He wasn’t sure he’d ever want to share his own experience, but Kate was right, simply listening made him feel less alone.
Being the good-mannered young man that he was, Evan decided to stay behind to clear up when people began to disperse. He stacked chairs and collected garbage, smiling politely at the strangers who passed by until a gentle hand tapped his shoulder.
“Hi! You’re new here right? My name is Kate.” The woman who had led the meeting was smiling at him brightly, her hand outstretched in greeting.
“Uh, yeah. My name’s Buck… well Evan but everyone calls me Buck” he said, reciprocating the handshake by offering his hand out too.
“Well it’s nice to meet you Buck. I remember how hard it was to speak up here for the first time, I was wondering if you wanted to grab a coffee and talk one on one. Sharing your story for the first time is hard and doing it in front of a room full of strangers makes it even more intimidating. So, I’m all ears if you wanna talk.”
“Yeah, that sounds nice, thank you.”
The two walked out together, making their way to the café across the street. Buck wasn’t sure were to start when they sat down and that was obvious to Kate as she smiled sympathetically at the lost expression clouding his face.
“So, Buck… What brought you to the support group?”
“A few years ago, someone used my pictures and pretended to be me to get women. I’m a firefighter and I’d been on the news a couple of times, he must’ve seen me and thought being me was better than being him. But then he died, I think it was heart attack. It turned out that this guy was recluse. He never left his trailer. He’d been dead 10 days before I showed up to confront him. The girls he was catfishing, they thought that I had just ghosted them, and they were so mad. One of them showed up at my workplace and slapped me in front of my co-workers. Then another girl threw a drink in my face while I was out with my now ex-girlfriend. And then, a couple of days ago a friend of mine showed up my door, he’d was using a dating site, and someone is using my pictures again. Luckily its just pictures this time, my name isn’t being used… So uh, yeah that’s it I guess.”
“Wow. I’m sorry that happened to you. Have you talked to anyone about this?”
“God no! When it happened, no one believed me. I used to sleep around a lot and apparently that means I’m capable of ghosting someone… Everyone believed that I did it, that it really was me behind the profile. It sucked.”
“Ugh that’s the worst. Trust me, I know. Having an active sex life does not mean you’re a monster or a player, you’re just having fun.”
“Pretty sure you are the first person that hasn’t thought less of me for sleeping around.”
“I know I don’t know you but believe me when I say you deserve better. Don’t let people’s outdated and stereotype fuelled opinions change who you are and stop you from having a good time. As long as everyone involved was an adult and fully consenting then where is the harm.”
“Exactly! Damn, wish I’d said that when my Captain called me out.”
“Called you out? What did they say?”
“He said that by sleeping around I was disrespecting myself.”
“Oh my god! I hope I never meet him, I don’t think I would be able to keep my thoughts to myself… Have you ever thought about meeting up with the women who accused you of ghosting? Maybe you would find some closure.”
“I’m not even sure how I’d find them. I wouldn’t know where to start. The profile the guy used was shut down.”
“I can help you with that…”
Several days later Buck was sat in the same café, this time by himself, waiting to talk to a woman who threw a drink in his face. He was nervous, not about seeing the woman again but about what he was supposed to say. For the past few days he’d been planning it in his head, rehearsing the speech over and over again. But now it just didn’t feel right. Maybe he should bail… Thankfully, the person he was waiting for strode through the door before he couldn’t even consider getting up and running.
“Evan?”
“Uh, hi. Daphne, right?”
“Yeah. I’m surprised you reached out.”
“Me too. Uhm, take a seat.” The pair sat down in awkward silence. Neither sure how to sit or where to look.
“I know it wasn’t you.” Buck was taken by surprise by Daphne’s sudden admission. At least he wouldn’t have to try to convince her of his innocence.
“You do?”
“Yes. A little while after I confronted you, I received a message from a girl named Brandi. She told me that I was being catfished and that the reason I had been ghosted so suddenly was because the guy behind it all had died. She sent the same message a bunch of girls she found that had been in contact with the profile.”
“Oh. Brandi? I recognise the name… I think she helped my friend track down the guy behind it all, I didn’t realise she’d messaged all of you too.”
“Yeah. Uhm, look… I’m sorry for throwing a drink in your face. It was rude and uncalled for, you didn’t deserve it.”
“You made my girlfriend stop trusting me. Hours after what happened she decided that she needed to go travel and find herself. I know the whole catfishing thing wasn’t the reason, but I can’t help but feel like it gave her the push she needed.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah. You are now but you didn’t care at the time. I don’t blame you, I just hope that if you’re ever in a position like that again, maybe you’ll give the person a chance before assuming the worst.”
Daphne nodded solemnly, realising the error of her ways. Buck cleared his throat and stood slowly, he held out his arm offering her a friendly handshake, before making his way home. One down, one to go.
Evan was definitely more worried about meeting Charlie than he had been Daphne. He hadn’t even known her name until he and Kate began trying to find her. The one and only time they’d met in person she’d yelled at him and slapped him before he could even ask who she was. He just hoped she too had gotten a message from Brandi and wouldn’t come prepared with another assault.
This time, Evan decided to meet at the community centre. He needed Kate with him just in case this woman still held Buck accountable for something he hadn’t done. His legs where bouncing up and down in anticipation, nervous energy radiating off every part of his being. He was lucky Kate was such a patient and understanding person and hadn’t yelled at him yet for his inability to sit still right now.
Half an hour after their scheduled meeting time and Charlie finally wondered into the building, looking just as furious as the day she stormed the 118. Apparently, she didn’t get Brandi’s message when everything happened.
“What the hell do you want Evan Buckley? You finally going to apologise for what you did?”
“Hey! Don’t talk to him like that. Sit your ass down and listen.” Kate’s tone and posture had become scarily protective, there was no way she was going to let this woman hit Evan again. To say Buck was surprise by Kate’s sudden change in demeanour would be an understatement. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t thankful for her decision to step him. He had, after all, frozen the second Charlie glared at him.
“Charlie, my name is Kate.”
“Who are you... his girlfriend? If you are then there’s something you should know about him.”
“Is it that a guy used his pictures a few years ago to catfish women? Or that one of those women assaulted him in front of his co-workers and is too self-righteous to take a second to hear him out? Cos if it is one of those things, then I already know. And no, I’m not his girlfriend.”
“Oh sure… it wasn’t him. That’s what they all say.”
Buck took a deep breath to calm himself before addressing her directly. He couldn’t allow Kate to fight this battle for him.
“First of all, this guy pretending to be me was using a myspace profile… who even still uses that? Secondly, it genuinely wasn’t me. The man who catfished you died a while before you showed up accusing me of ghosting you. You weren’t the only woman he was talking to either. But you know what, even if it had been me, even if I had stopped talking to you all of a sudden, that wouldn’t give you the right to hit me. You humiliated me and you did it front of my colleagues. If someone walked into your workplace and did the same thing, how would you feel? I’m sorry that you were lied to, but it wasn’t me. I called you here because I wanted to explain what happened and ask for an apology for your explosive reaction. But maybe this was a mistake. I don’t need to explain myself to you. Have a nice life, Charlie, I hope you meet someone real. Goodbye.”
Walking out of the building, leaving a stunned Charlie behind him, Evan felt a weight drift from his shoulders. Kate was right, closure was exactly what he had needed. But there was one more thing he needed to do before he could truly feel relief.
Everyone could tell something was on Buck’s mind from the second he walked into work. They could practically see the tension he held as he made his way to the loft.
“You okay Buckaroo?” Hen was clearly concerned about the youngest firefighter, her motherly tone easy to hear in her voice.
“Uhm yeah sort of. I need to talk to you guys.”
“What wrong Buck?” Eddie took a seat next to his best friend, eyebrows furrowed as he studied the down look on Evan’s face.
“Oh, well this doesn’t really apply to you Eds. You weren’t here when it happened.” Now they were more confused than ever. Bobby and Chimney joined the others at the table, trying to figure what exactly Buck needed to talk about. Was it about Abby? No one could really think of anything else significant that happened with Buck before Eddie’s arrival at the 118 other than the relationship with the 911 dispatcher.
“Do you remember when that guy was using my pictures to catfish women.”
“Who could forget?” Bobby chimed in, remembering the amusing confrontation that occurred right where they were currently sitting.
“Someone else has started using my pictures, not my name though this time. I guess it reminded me of how everything went down last time and I want to know why you reacted the way did.”
“What do you mean? What were we supposed to do Buck? Chimney helped you find the guy, didn’t he?”
“Yeah, I know, Hen. But someone walked into the station slapped me and you all just smiled, you found it so amusing. You all believed I was capable of just ghosting someone, hurting someone like that. Why didn’t you trust me? Why were you so okay with me being hit for something I didn’t do?”
Eddie looked shocked. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Wait, someone slapped you and these guys did nothing. What the hell?”
Bobby glanced at Eddie, hoping the man would stay out of it. They all know how protective Eddie could get when it came to his best friend. “Look Buck, she shouldn’t have hit you and you’re right I handled that incorrectly. But you know what you were like back then, it really wasnt that hard to believe.”
“Seriously Bobby? You know me sleeping around doesn’t mean I’m a bad person right? Yes, I messed up, I shouldn’t have hooked up with girls during work hours. That was a huge mistake and I regret it a lot. But having a lot of sex didn’t mean that I had no respect for myself or the women I slept with. That whole sleeping around diminishes your worth is such an outdated view and that fact that you still can’t see that says a lot more about you than it does about me. If anyone else on this team had been accused of ghosting someone you would have jumped straight in to defend them. Chim just laughed and Hen gave me that ‘you’re unbelievable’ look. Someone literally slapped me and not a damn one of you asked if I was okay. But your probably right, I was a bit of a slut so I kind of deserved it.”
“That’s not what I meant Buck.”
“Isn’t it? C’mon Bobby, its exactly what you meant.”
“Buck’s right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have laughed when that woman started yelling at you and I definitely shouldn’t have believed her over you. I know we all joke about Buck 1.0 but there was nothing wrong with who you were before Abby. Except for the whole overconfident, cocky attitude you had going back then but that didn’t last long anyway. Like I said, I’m sorry Buckaroo. If you need me to help you find whoever this new person using your photos is, I am more than happy to assist.”
“Thanks, Chim. The new profile was reported though, I don’t think there is anything else you could do.” The two future brothers-in-law hugged it out, letting go of the past.
“I’m really sorry Buckaroo. When I messed up with Karen you were there to support me, constantly telling me that I wasn’t a terrible person, that my relationship wasn’t a lost cause and I hadn’t ruined everything. I didn’t do the same for you and you didn’t even do anything wrong. We should’ve done more when it happened. I’m so sorry Buck.” Evan nodded at Hen accepting her apology before welcoming her in for a hug. He never could stay mad at her. Slowly he turned to Bobby, worried that the man would still be against him. He wasn’t expecting to see tears in his captain’s eyes.
“Cap?” Fear spread through Evan’s veins. What if he messed up by confronting them? Was he about to get fired again?
“I’m so sorry kid. You’re completely right. What I said to you that day on the roof was unacceptable. Your personal life should never have been brought into that conversation. My job is to look out for you not make you feel bad about what you choose to do with your time. We made you feel like you needed to change who you were and I’m sorry for that. Buck 1.0 wasn’t a bad person. But Abby wasn’t the one that changed you Buck. You grew up, moved on to a different stage in your life. That was all you. I should never have said that you were disrespecting yourself by sleeping with those women. I was wrong and knowing that what I said made you feel worse about yourself, makes me feel sick to my stomach. You’re a good man Buck and a damn good firefighter. You deserve a lot better than what we have given you. I’m sorry.” Now they were all in tears. Buck and Bobby clung to each other, their hug full of reassurance and comfort. If this was what closure felt like, then Buck never wanted to lose this feeling. He really should thank Kate for everything she had done for him. Maybe some of Bobby’s delicious food would do the trick.
For now, Buck chose to bathe in the calm that once again returned to the station. The anger and tension were gone. They were all lounging around the sofas laughing as Chimney destroyed Eddie yet again in whatever game they were now playing. His family had finally listened to him, understood him in a way they never had before. He smiled to himself subtly, tears finally drying. He was right that first day he walked into the station. He was in the right place.