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“So you are my new student?”
“Yes, Shishou-sama. My name is Uzui Tengen, at your servive.”
“Bah! Shishou-sama. Don’t be too formal. Just call me Shichan or something.”
Shichan... what is that?
“You know... a slang. Like, combination of Shishou and Ji-chan (Uncle),”
"...I can't do that." That was unprofessional, not mention rude. Tengen can’t possibly call him that. A teacher, an instructor, is something to be revered and respected at the utmost. Calling him something like that is wrong.
(Or is it?)
Father had been raising him wrong. Had been misleading him in few important lessons. Who can say he was right in this regard?
But... but Tengen had seen normal people respected their teacher.
Not children, though. And normal people treasure children.
So... is it alright or is it not?
“Oh well,” Shishou-sama—Shichan—ugh, shrugged. "I personally never been one for formalities... but if it makes you comfortable, you can just call me Shishou."
A compromise. Yes. That was a good idea.
“Thank you, Shishou.”
“Don’t mind it.” Shishou waved it over. “So... who are the ladies?”
“Makio, Suma, Hinatsuru.” Each of them bowed when Tengen introduced. “They are my wives.”
"Your... wives." Shishou looks pinched. "Kid, how old are you?"
“Sixteen come October.”
“And... how long have you been married?”
"Three years." He knows them longer, practically raised, and living together, but they were officially married by the Clan Law when Tengen finally hit puberty.
Shishou stares, before kneading his wrinkles. "God please give me patience." There's a sound of something static and loud at the same time from him. Almost exactly like his wives' when he made his decision and told them to prioritize their own lives than the mission.
Tengen is blessed by uncannily sharp ears. He can hear sounds no one else could. Not even his father or siblings. It was the reason why he manages to survive the training. By being patient and listening carefully to the sound.
Roaring and loud means anger. Usually sounds like drums or heavy footsteps or steels banging on each other.
Soft and slow and heavy means sad. If it has kokyu played, then it was grieving. He only heard it from normal people, and once from his wives.
Out-of-rythm tapping usually means impatience. Like someone hitting things for sake of hit something instead for sake of creating sound. Father and brother almost have this sound all the time.
Soft, chirping, and light, sometimes upbeat sound means happiness. Sometimes it has Koto, sometimes it has flute, sometimes drums. Sometimes all sorts of music. Normal People have it.
But loud static... a single, stilted notes... at most three notes... what does it mean?
"Come inside." Shishou finally said. "It's getting dark. Let's have dinner before talking."
Dinner... is weird.
The food is okay. Even if it was celebratory food. Noodle soup. Ramen. Tengen was surprised. Why they celebrate? What they are celebrating? Surely not him and his wives... right?
“...Tengen. these are the normal dinner. I admit I kinda get overboard since it has been years after my last student graduate... but it was a normal menu.”
Really? Tengen only ate this much when he got a mission well done, or completes a training. Other times he only ate ration food and rice ball.
Shishou sounds angry and looks ready to throttle someone. Not at him. Or his wife. Who?
Once the dinner is served, Shishou pulled him aside to have some talk.
....ah.
Apparently, a man under 18 and a woman under 16 are NOT allowed to married, as stated in Civil Law.
"It was wrong. Your Clan rules," Shishou said. "Thirteen is not old enough. You were still a kid. You may be raised in such cultures, but can your mind cope with the responsibility? A husband has to provide his wife... or wives in your case, with certain needs. Material goods. Money, food, clothes. Things to support your livelihood. Then Biological and Psychological needs. Sex is not about making babies. It's more than that. Doing so when you require heir only means you not only failed to fulfill that need but also psychologically neglected your wives. A thirteen years old kid who just enters puberty is not capable of fulfilling the need. You are too young to properly understand that."
...and Shishou was right.
Even now, Tengen did not truly understand what Shishou means. What’s more about his thirteen years old self?
“But I told them to prioritize themselves over the mission.”
It was against Shinobi Code. It was against his clan's law. He basically breaking the tradition. The lessons his father had beaten down to him and his remaining brother. Going against what he has been doing for years. He going against everything just for spur of selfishness.
Is that not enough?
"Good." Shishou nodded and patted his head. He sounded content. Both his voice and his Sounds. "There's still some hope for you. The first step is the hardest to take, but also the most important."
Hope.
Shishou said as if it was a good thing.
Tengen wonder, how does "Hope" sound like.
~X~
Tengen was born in Uzui Clan. One of the remaining Shinobi clans in this changing era.
His father dislikes the change and what it brings. Said it make the livelihood of Shinobi become harder and harder. People no longer care about Shinobi and Samurai. Citing their era had long fall. Even so, there are some remaining Clans who desperate for power, and not above hiring Shinobi to do the dirty work.
As a result, his father trained him and his siblings especially hard.
Tengen has eight siblings. Seven brothers and one sister.
Six of his brothers died due to the harsh, inhumane training. His sister married their brother, the other surviving child. She died in childbirth, along with the unborn child.
Her death was a catalyst to Tengen's decision.
It starts as something simple.
Tengen went to his brother, his remaining sibling, to offer his condolences for the loss (Did he do it right? He just watching normal people during an undercover mission, and apparently it was the custom when someone loses a family member). But his brother replied in a cold, toneless, emotionless voice.
"Why are you feeling sorry for? If my wife dies then she dies. I can just get new ones."
Perhaps Tengen secretly was fed up with the cruel, inhumane training. Perhaps he mimicked normal people too much. Perhaps he has some humanity left deep down and the training failed to snuff it out. Perhaps he had gotten too close with Kunoichis who were his wives. Perhaps he was jealous of normal people. Who knows? All he knew was the answer upset him greatly.
As it stood, since that exchange, Tengen can't stand his own father and brother, who are very much alike regarding their subordinates and family's wellbeing. Treating everyone as a tool they can dispose of and replace when no longer useful.
He doesn't understand. What are these feelings of disturbance in his heart? Why he was shocked at the answer? Wasn't it what their father had taught them? Why every time he closes his eyes and imagines his wives dying made his stomach lurched as if he ate something bad? What is this uneasiness? It was worse than what he feels after his first kill.
He doesn’t understand.
What’s wrong with me?
His last mission was killing an heir of a small, but wealthy clan. The heir who is only five.
The mother threw herself in the harm way. Sacrificing her life to save her child.
The child looks at Tengen with wide eyes filled with horror and tears, like an abyss that gazes back at you, and asked with a shaky voice "Why do you kill Mama?"
Tengen was disturbed, he quickly eliminates the child.
But the wide, empty look keeps haunting him.
His wives approached him and ask, what’s wrong? What they should do? What they can help him with? Does he need help?
Tengen, for an unknown reason, pictured them in the Woman's role, and the mental images of them lying on the pool of their blood, wide eyes wide open yet empty, cold to the touch and unresponsive when he calls them... it shakes him to the core. He found himself disliking, no fearing the possibilities.
But he knew. If they continue living like this, as a Shinobi, that image will become reality sooner or later.
And Tengen just... can't accept it. No matter what he tried to tell himself, he just can't accept it.
(The Training is Nature Versus Nurture Battle. Human conscience against cold-blooded killing agents.
Tengen’s nature as human won)
Thus he takes them away. Deserting from the clan. Abandoning the only life they knew. Told them that if it comes between their life and mission, they should prioritize their own lives first.
But he doesn't know what should he do. All his lives, he only know Shinobi training and how to kill.
It was during their escapades, Tengen encountered Ubuyashiki Kagaya. A young, frail, sickly man with eyes too wise for someone of his age. Kagaya-sama understands his plight, and willing to give Tengen (a failure of Shinobi, a Broken Man, a Murderer) a second chance. He can use his skill to protect human instead hurting them. To do good things instead bad things. A way to living normally, or as a normal as a he could.
A chance of atonement.
And Tengen took it.
His hand is stained by the blood that would never wash away, but he can save people instead of killing them now.
Just that...
Tengen has no idea how normal people act and interact. He may be a failure of a Shinobi, he may have emotions and human feelings, but he doesn’t know how to understand or wield them.
His ears were used to listen to a short range of emotions, anger, envy, sadness, death. And now... now he listens to all sorts of sounds and music, he doesn't know what to do. He wants to join the "band", but he afraid. He afraid all he would do was mess up with the beautiful symphony.
It was beautiful
It was too loud
It was too much
The shock of hearing oh so many things stunned Tengen, he can't concentrate. His focus would go elsewhere. (What is that sound? Whom does it belong to? What does that mean? Did someone get hurt? Is someone happy? How they can be happy? Why are they crying? They are not hurt so why? What is ire? What is stress? What is a disappointment? What is consideration? What is empathy? What is a relief? Crying and laughing and getting angry for others' behalf. What does it mean? Fell in love. Does it hurt? How does it feel? How did it happen?)
Kagaya-sama decided to sends him to Kuwajima Jigoro. The Former Roaring Hashira. Citing that Thunder Breath uses a heavy emphasis on lower body strength and speed. Something Tengen was used to due to his training as Shinobi. Kuwajima-san also currently has no student and thus has less chance for Tengen to be distracted. He can train in peace.
Shishou, upon receiving him and understand the problems, decided that Tengen is not ready to learn Thunder Breathing yet.
Before he learns how to become a Demon Slayer, Tengen has to relearn how to be human first. After that, he can learn how to become a Slayer.
~X~
Become Human... become normal people... is difficult.
Normal people did not have an expression like it was carved out of stone. They have an expressive face. Angry, sad, happy, or other emotions... it was displayed. At least in the eye.
People can smile, can frown, can cry.
Tengen found frowning easy. So easy he can do it in the blink of eyes.
Crying took long. He doesn't know how to cry, didn't understand what teary eyes feel like. So Shishou shoved onion on him and told him to slice it. A few moments later Tengen finally understands how crying felt like. Feeling like crying... on other hand... that was another issue entirely.
Tengen initially thinks he needs an onion gas tear to properly cries.
And Smile? Forget it. He can't smile. Period. His mouth just refuses to tilt upwards.
Some months after he become Shishou’s student and tried to relearn his humanity, there was an accident in which a Demon visited the Village. Tengen manages to kill off the Demon... but Hinatsuru and Suma were injured... and Makio was unconscious. Even after days come to pass, she did not wake up.
Tengen was scared. He was scared his nightmare will become real. He was scared Makio would never wake up. He was scared. He doesn't want her to go away too.
He was scared he can't be a proper husband to her. He was scared he can't fulfill his promise to show her his smile. She was really looking forward to seeing him smiling and yet... and yet...!
Miracle happens.
Two weeks after the incident, Makio opens her eyes. She grinned weakly at him.
Tengen felt a rain fell on his cheek. Salty rain. And his mouth stretched it hurts.
He cries. He cries and laughing at the same time. He crying and laughing until his eyes rimmed red and his throat hurt. But the ringing sound echoes in his ears, immortalize in his memory. A beautiful sound unlike any other.
(Ah.
So this was a relief feels like.
What wonderful feelings.)
It was shameful of him to admit this... but after that incident, Tengen finds it easier to feel emotions.
He laughs at everyone's antics, he cries when he feels sad or worried, he feels angry (concerned) when his wives act recklessly.
He starts talking to the villager. He learns empathy. He learns how to understand. He learns teasing and mocking and play-fight. A very non-serious, non-lethal fighting. He learns sass.
It was beautiful.
The world is filled with beautiful sounds.
Tengen truly felt blessed.
Running away was the best choice he ever made.
~X~
“Ne, Tengen.”
"Yes, Shishou?"
“You have good hearing, right?”
"Ah. It was more than good." Tengen grinned. "It was the most Amazing hearing in the world!" Because, what else can explain how did he can hear sounds of all living beings? From human to rocks? What can explain how did he can hear how emotions sound like? “What of it?”
“Have you ever think corporating it to Breathing Style?”
The former Shinobi paused.
“I—what?”
Shishou chuckles. "You are blessed yes. Why don't you make use of it? Your hearing will serve you well in the future. It will help you. Either finding and defeating demon... or saving your wives or other things."
Tengen looks at his teacher in disbelief, as if he had just told a very odd joke. "Do... do you think I can do it?" He asks. For the first time since he truly learning and understand emotions, he felt hesitation.
Corporating his hearing with his fighting style. His Shinobi side practically demands him to take the sword and start training. But his human side wonders if it was alright.
His hearing is special. He treasures it. Is it alright to turn it into a weapon?
“Can... can I talk this with my wives?”
“Sure sure. Why not?”
He has a long discussion with his wives that night. He was curious, but is it alright? Should he or should not he? They also got into debates that nearly ends up in a brawl.
In the end, Suma smiled at him.
“Whatever you do, we would always support you.”
Tengen decided to try it out.
He ends up creating a new Breath altogether.
Shishou smiled and patted him on the head.
“I’m so proud of you.” He said.
Tengen ducked his head, feeling heat rush to his cheeks.
Why is he embarrassed?! What to feel embarrassed about?!
Even now... he doesn’t understand emotions.
But it's alright. He still has a lot to learn about. And he was not alone. He has his wives and Shishou. It's alright.
Everything will be alright.