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The drive was supposed to take eleven hours. Jean and Armin were making their way across the country, from the north-west right down to the south-east where Sasha and Connie were holding their wedding. Despite the length of the drive they were determined to make it to see their old friends from university finally tie the knot, especially when Jean had been the one to set them up years ago.
They had planned to do it in two parts. They were going to leave the apartment they shared mid-morning on Thursday, stay overnight at a hotel in the city, then arrive at the venue in time for the wedding on Friday morning. Armin memorised the route perfectly and wrote everything down in his notebook beforehand. Jean left it all to him. He was the one driving, and Armin would be the navigator. It was supposed to go off without a hitch.
It didn’t.
After getting stuck in traffic for hours mid-afternoon, Jean had taken what he claimed was a shortcut, turning off the highway to try and find an alternate route past all the cars queued up for miles and miles on end. Armin had told him not to, that they needed to stick to the route they’d planned for, but Jean didn’t listen, and soon they had no clue where they were or how to find their way back. Every single road looked the same, and they were going in circles just trying to make it back to where they’d been hours ago.
“We’re lost, Jean,” Armin said with a sigh, trying and failing to pinpoint their location on the far-too-big map that was taking up more space in the car than he was. It unfolded into a huge mess of roads that showed the entire country, and Armin had spent a good hour highlighting their route on it before they left, not that it mattered now. The map was all they had, as neither of them had been able to find a signal on their phones, and both ran out of charge hours ago.
“You keep saying that, but we’re not. As soon as I get back on the highway, we’ll be fine,” Jean bluffed.
“And you know the way back to the highway?”
“Not - not yet, but I will in a second!”
“You turned off hours ago! We’re lost, so will you please let me drive?”
“Just let me do this!”
“Do what?” Armin asked, his voice rising in pitch and volume. “Keep driving around the same roads we’ve been stuck on? If you let me drive, I might find something we can use to find where we are on the map.”
“That map is useless!” Jean exclaimed. “All it’s doing is distracting me, we can’t find where we are on it, so what’s the point?”
“‘What’s the point?’ What’s the point in turning off the highway when you have no idea where you’re going?”
“Alright, I fucked up!” Jean snapped. “Can you at least let me try to fix it? You sound like Eren.”
“I have been trying to let you fix it. I’m not annoyed, I’m tired , and I want to make it to the hotel before I pass out.”
“You’re tired?” Jean asked, annoyed. When Jean was agitated, he got confrontational. “I’m the one who’s been driving all day. You’ve just been sitting there.”
Armin took a deep breath. “Stop the car.”
“What?”
“Stop the car, I need to get some air.”
“Fine,” Jean snapped, turning off and stopping at the side of the road.
“Thank you.” Armin got out and took the map with him, needing to leave the confined space of the old car because it was making him feel claustrophobic.
It was a country lane, somewhere along the two-thirds mark of their journey. Armin sat down on the grass next to the road and spread the map out in front of him, struggling to see what he was doing in the fast-fading light - nightfall was approaching. The sky was darkening quickly; it was ten pm in the height of summer. He traced back their route on the map as best as he could, but he barely had a point of reference. More than anything, it was not being able to work this out that was frustrating him. He was a problem solver, and he hated not being able to figure out something like this, which had no right being as difficult as it was.
“Have you got anything, or are you just going to sit there?” Jean called from the car. Armin knew Jean was just hungry, tired, and frustrated, but he hated it when his roommate was so abrasive. It reminded him of when they were back at college, and he’d pick fights with Eren all the time.
“I’m looking, Jean,” Armin said, sighing a little. More than anything, he was worried about running out of fuel. He heard the door to the car slam as Jean got out and went to presumably walk around to blow off some steam.
Normally, they made a great team. Jean was his best friend and he loved living with him. They worked well together; Armin took care of most of the cleaning and other chores because Jean was messy by nature, and Jean cooked every single night. They always got on well, but in situations like these, they both ended up seeing the worst of each other.
Armin traced his finger over the map, trying once again to figure out where they were and getting nothing. He folded the stupid map up, annoyed at himself for not having a back-up plan for a situation like this, and handed it to Jean.
“I want to burn this stupid thing,” Jean said with a huff.
“If you burn that map, I’m moving out,” Armin replied. “I’ll go live with Eren and Mikasa.”
“No you wouldn’t.”
“I would.”
“Wouldn’t.”
Armin couldn’t believe they were having such a juvenile argument in the middle of nowhere, and he was so annoyed and tired that he didn’t want to carry on with it.
“Will you just let me drive now?”
“Fine,” Jean said, frowning as he grabbed the map from Armin. “Then it’s my turn to try with this.”
“You can give it a go,” Armin resigned, not wanting to argue with him any more than they already had. “Just don’t get annoyed if you can’t figure it out. I don’t even know if these lanes are on there.”
“What’s the point of that?” Jean asked, the frustration clear in his voice.
“I don’t know,” Armin sighed. “Come on, get in the car.”
“Alright.”
Armin set off, each jolt of the uneven road annoying him further, and the way Jean was muttering irritably to himself as he tried to make sense of where they were going wasn’t helping in the slightest.
“What about this road?” He asked when he got onto a smoother lane, looking around not recognising anything he saw. “I don’t think that we’ve been here yet.”
“I don’t even know where I’m supposed to be looking!” Jean snapped. “This is the stupidest map I’ve ever seen in my life.”
“Just leave it then, Jean,” Armin sighed, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly, trying not to escalate the situation any more.
Jean just scowled, and Armin had to bite his lip to stop himself from snapping again. He kept driving down any roads that looked unfamiliar, knowing this was a risky plan that could quite easily get them more lost than they already were. He memorised the route he was taking, something he wished he had been doing when Jean drove down the ‘shortcut’ in the first place, just so he could remember the way back if they ended up at a dead end.
The risk paid off, and soon he saw a sign leading them towards the highway they had been on hours before. Armin breathed a long sigh of relief while Jean just sounded more annoyed.
“We’d be at the hotel by now if we didn’t make that fucking turn off,” Jean sighed.
Armin refrained from commenting on how it was Jean’s idea entirely, and that he was against the entire thing.
“I think we’re about three hours away from there,” Armin yawned, forcing his eyes to stay open as he finally turned back onto the highway.
“It’s way too late to make it all that way,” Jean grimaced. “We’re going to have to stop.”
“And sleep in the car? Can’t we just nap and take turns driving?”
“If I see a place, can we just stop?” Jean asked. “We’ll have to leave earlier, but I’m fucking tired and annoyed and my legs hurt.”
“Fine.”
Around an hour of tense driving later, Armin pulled up into the car park of a dingy looking motel, aching and exhausted and wanting nothing more than to be away from Jean for just a little while, in his own room, where he could breathe without feeling like he was going to be snapped at. He wanted to charge his phone and read a book and get some sleep, because they had an even longer day ahead of them tomorrow with the wedding.
He didn’t bother trying to keep up with Jean’s long strides as he made his way out of the car and to the front desk of the motel, instead taking his time getting his bag and locking up before following him in.
Jean was already arguing with someone.
“Can’t you switch someone around?” He snapped. “It’s urgent.”
The woman sitting at the front desk looked unimpressed as she chewed gum and looked up again.
“I’m sorry, sir, ” she said in a monotone voice, “but we only have one room available.”
Armin’s heart sank, but he tried not to let his disappointment show on his face as he walked up to the desk.
“We’ll take it,” he said quickly, and when Jean shot him a look, he sent one right back his way. “Thank you.”
“Great,” the receptionist said. When she told him the total Armin pulled out his card and paid, trying not to think too hard about anything but the prospect that he was going to get to sleep soon. “Follow me right this way.”
She took the last key off the row of hooks behind her and made her way outside, Jean and Armin following behind and not looking at each other. The place was run down, and there was a dingy, musty smell hanging in the air.
“Have a good night,” she said, standing at a door with the number five on it, and red paint that was peeling off. Jean opened his mouth to say something but she was already gone. Armin just sighed and made his way inside, instantly stopping when he saw the sleeping arrangements.
“There’s only one bed,” he said, looking up at Jean nervously, praying that he wasn’t going to blow up at him. “You should just take it, I’ll sleep on the floor. It’s fine-”
“Shut up, Armin,” Jean sighed, throwing his bag down and running his hands through his hair. “I’m not letting you sleep on the floor, it’s disgusting in here. Just - we’ll share.”
Armin’s stomach flipped when Jean said that, and both excitement and dread filled him. He tried to swallow down his emotions, but they came through in his voice.
“W-what?”
“I’m not that much of an asshole,” Jean muttered. “There’s no way I’m sleeping on the floor, but I’m not letting you do so either. I’m going to go change in the bathroom, and then I’m going to sleep. I want to forget this entire day.”
Armin was speechless as he watched Jean disappear into the small bathroom, and he realised his hands were shaking. Sharing a bed? With Jean? There was no way he could do it. It was too terrifying a prospect. He’d liked him for years without saying anything, and this was happening now , after being annoyed at each other all day?
It was cruel.
Armin stared down at the carpet. It was old, and kind of sticky, and he felt like he needed to wash after just looking at it. He really didn’t want to sleep there. But at the same time, sharing the bed with Jean… it made him feel so nervous he wanted to throw up.
“What are you doing?” Jean asked, making Armin jump. “Hurry up and go change already.”
“Sorry,” Armin murmured, taking his bag with him into the bathroom.
Mercifully, it was clean in there, and Armin took the opportunity to wash his face and clear his head, hoping the cold water would calm him down a little bit. Jean was in there, in the bed. The bed he was going to have to get into, as well. If he was already asleep, maybe Armin would be able to slide in without having to worry about accidentally touching him. He was still annoyed at him, annoyed that they’d gotten lost and that Jean hadn’t listened to him at all, but at the same time…
“Snap out of it,” he murmured to himself, taking the time to splash cold water on his face again, because it clearly hadn’t worked the first time.
Armin changed quickly and shoved the clothes he had been wearing before back into his bag without even taking the time to fold them like he normally would. He stood at the door nervously before taking a deep breath and stepping back out into the dingy room. Jean was lying in the bed, curled up a little because his legs were so long they would have stuck out over the edge if he didn’t. Armin swallowed and forced himself not to look any more as he walked to the other side.
There was no way he could do this! Getting into bed with Jean of all people was just too intimidating. Jean had fallen asleep on him on the couch a couple of times since they had started living together and just that had made Armin feel like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. This was on a whole different level. He stalled by putting his phone on charge and setting an alarm for just a few hours later.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to just-”
“Get in,” Jean snapped. “You’re not sleeping on the floor.”
“Okay,” Armin whispered. He couldn’t say no again; it was clear Jean wasn’t giving in.
Slowly, he pulled back the blankets and got into the bed. Jean was taking up a lot of the room and Armin had to squeeze into the small space that was left just to ensure he didn’t accidentally touch him. Armin was desperately trying to focus on how much Jean had annoyed him earlier but all he could think about was that he was so close. They faced opposite directions, their backs to each other, but Armin couldn’t stop imagining what it would be like if Jean rolled over and put his arm around -
Calm down, he told himself, but it wasn’t working.
“What is up with you?” Jean murmured, sounding annoyed.
“Can you give me some more room?” Armin choked out, needing more space, or he was going to accidentally brush against Jean and burst into flames.
“Why do you need more room? You’re tiny,” Jean muttered back. Armin frowned, both irritated and lovestruck at the time. How was that even possible? Was that just what having feelings for Jean was like?
“Because I don’t want to accidentally nudge you,” Armin said.
Jean was silent for a moment. Armin could have sworn he heard the way he rolled his eyes, but eventually he sighed and moved over.
“Happy now?”
“Thank you.”
Was he imagining this tension? Armin couldn’t tell. His body was exhausted, but his mind was racing. He could feel the warmth in his cheeks and knew he was blushing.
“Armin.”
“Yeah?”
There was a long silence before Jean spoke again.
“... Never mind.”
“No, what was it?” Armin said quickly, sitting up in the bed just a bit.
“I said it doesn’t matter!”
“You can’t just start saying something and then say it doesn’t matter, you know that makes me nervous.”
“Ugh. Fine,” Jean replied, leaning over to turn on the lamp on the bedside table. Armin sat up properly then, and he caught sight of Jean’s face, which was bright red. “I… I’m sorry. There.”
“Oh,” Armin said. For some reason, that was the last thing he had expected Jean to say.
“For getting us lost,” Jean went on. “And for being an ass about it.”
“It’s alright,” Armin murmured. He could never stay mad at Jean for long. “I’m sorry too.”
Jean breathed a sigh of relief and got comfortable in the bed again. Armin felt his leg brush against his and they both froze before pretending nothing had happened.
“My mother always used to say you should never go to sleep annoyed at someone,” he murmured.
“I thought that saying was about marriage?” Armin asked.
“So?!” Jean exclaimed, obviously embarrassed.
“Jean, you’re yelling!” Armin whispered. “Calm down!”
“This place sucks, I don’t care.”
“You need to go to sleep.”
“I know ,” Jean grumbled. “Connie and Sasha better be grateful for this.”
“I’m sure they will be,” Armin told him. “I’m looking forward to seeing them again.”
“Me too.”
Armin lay down and forced himself to close his eyes. He let his leg move a little so he was comfortable, and Jean didn’t pull away when it lay against him. It made his stomach tight with nerves, but the feeling wasn’t bad. It felt… nice. Exciting.
“I can move if you want,” he whispered.
“No, it’s fine,” Jean murmured back. His voice was softer than Armin had ever heard it.
“Okay.” His heart was beating a mile a minute, and it was so loud, he wondered if Jean would be able to hear it. “Goodnight, Jean.”
“Night.”
Armin woke up a few hours later to the blaring sound of his alarm, and the feeling of something tight wrapped around him. For those few moments before he really knew what was going on, Armin had no recollection of what had happened the night before or where they had ended up but as Jean groaned and shifted everything came rushing back.
And then he opened his eyes and realised that Jean was holding him.
Jean had both his arms wrapped around Armin, holding him close to his chest with a strong grip. One of his hands was in his hair, and the other rested on the small of his back. Somehow, he had even managed to sling his leg over his hip. Armin panicked. This was his fault somehow, and Jean was going to hate him and find him disgusting for getting him into this scenario. He couldn’t even move or reach over to turn off the alarm because Jean was holding onto him so tightly, which completely foiled his plan to slip out and pretend nothing had ever happened.
“Ar?” Jean groaned, pulling Armin even closer without realising. “Can you get that?”
Armin grimaced and tried to think of anything, any kind of plan that might be able to get out of his. Nothing came to him. He didn’t have a choice but to explain that he hadn’t meant for this to happen, and that he was sorry.
“I - I can’t,” he admitted, whispering.
“Huh?” Jean asked, his voice drowsy from just having woken, and as his mind caught up to him, he seemed to almost implode, yanking his arms back and falling out of the bed from the force of his momentum. “Fuck!”
“Are you okay?!” Armin asked, more worried he’d hurt himself than anything else.
“I’m fine!” Jean said. He stood up quickly and brushed himself off, and even in the low morning light it was easy to see that his face was bright red, which sent thoughts running Armin’s mind that really had no right to be there. “Just get the alarm.”
Armin nodded and quickly turned his phone off, his hands shaking a little bit. He wanted to lie right back down and sleep for ten more hours, but they didn’t have time to do that, not when they both needed to shower and change and leave in order to make it to the wedding on time. They both really needed to eat, too.
“I’m going to go shower,” Armin said quickly, not wanting to have to make eye contact with Jean for a single second, not when the feeling of waking up in his arms had felt as wonderful as everything he’d ever imagined.
“Y-yeah,” Jean mumbled back. “Don’t be long.”
Forty-five minutes later, they were both ready to go, and they hadn’t said a word to each other. Armin was a mess of emotions, unable to push the feelings from his mind, wondering if Jean was angry at him, or just humiliated. He felt guilty for the way his hands were shaking with excitement despite all of his fear. Jean was his best friend; he wasn’t supposed to be thinking about him like that, yet he always had. When Jean came out dressed smartly for the wedding Armin made the very wise decision to not let himself get a proper look. He was sweating under his collar, knowing Jean looked good without even having to see him.
“Let’s get out of here,” Jean said. “I never want to see this place again.”
Armin couldn’t help but agree. They checked out quickly, seeing a different tired-looking receptionist before making their way back out to the parking lot where Jean’s car sat. Armin walked on ahead, hurrying so that Jean didn’t pass him. Somehow, it was even more tense than it was the day before, although in a different way - they weren’t annoyed at each other, it was something else. And of course Jean noticed.
“Listen,” he said once they were both in the car. Armin picked up the map and stared at it, way too nervous to look at Jean. It felt so claustrophobic in there, it was like he couldn’t breathe. “About - about this morning-”
“I’m really sorry, Jean,” Armin said quickly, finally daring to peek over at him.
“What? What are you apologising for?”
“For what happened when we woke up!”
“How is that in any way your fault?” Jean asked. “Jesus, Armin, I know you blame yourself for everything, but I was the one that was cud- that was doing that!”
“I thought you’d be grossed out,” Armin murmured.
“What?” Jean’s voice became much softer when he said that. “No.”
“Oh,” Armin said. The atmosphere had shifted again.
“You’re such an idiot,” Jean murmured. “I thought you would be the one that was weirded out by that.”
“Let’s just - let’s just say that it was neither of our faults, and just… forget about it.”
Jean looked at him; Armin could feel his eyes burning into the side of his head. He heard him take a deep breath, and braced himself for what he was about to say.
“Alright,” he agreed. “But… for the record, I… I didn’t mind at all.”
“Me neither.”
The silence was so long, and both of them were blushing so much that when Jean turned the engine on it was a huge relief.
“I’ll follow the route this time.” Jean laughed, and their eyes met for a second. Armin felt warmth spread through him. As they pulled out of their parking space, Armin felt like something was beginning, and he couldn’t stop smiling.
“No shortcuts?”
“No shortcuts.”