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Moonbin hummed along to the familiar melody of the drama OST that was playing in the car as he drove with one hand on the steering wheel and the other in Dongmin's, who sat in the passenger seat next to him looking out the window. Outside, the sky was mildly overcast, but the birds still chirped brightly in the late morning breeze. Moonbin's attention drew back to their hands that were intertwined across the center console. He was careful not to let his wrist graze the bandages on Dongmin's wrist, because even though Dongmin didn't say anything he could feel him wince and tense up ever so slightly when he accidentally touched it. As he stopped at the red light his mind wandered back to what the doctor had told him just before he and Dongmin had left the hospital.
"He has clinical depression. I suggest you talk to him and get him to go to a therapist. He seems very attached to you as he kept mumbling your name and apologising even on the brink of consciousness. Now, more than ever he needs you to reassure him of your love for him," the doctor had said with a reassuring smile. All Moonbin had managed was a polite nod before he left to go check on the stitches and bandages covering Dongmin's wrists and to check on how he was feeling.
Presently Dongmin rubbed his thumb across the back of his hand making Moonbin look up at him. "Green light, Binnie," he whispered. Moonbin jerked his head up and found that the light had in fact turned green, but thankfully there was no one else at the little junction. He paid more attention to the road as he drove home trying to push all the thoughts clouding his mind away.
As he parked in the basement of their apartment, Moonbin got out of the car and hurried over to Dongmin's side. As the latter got out, Moonbin pulled him into his arms and held him there, warm and tight in his embrace. He felt Dongmin snake his hands around his waist. "I love you,"Moonbin whispered. "I love you, I love you, I love you, my Min-ah. I love you," he whispered continuously next to Dongmin's ear, not giving him a chance to reply.
Holding Dongmin in his arms like this reminded him that everything was fine. He had almost lost Dongmin less than twenty four hours ago, but he was safe in his arms now. He then pulled back from the hug and looked into Dongmin's eyes. He knew he had to assure Dongmin that he wasn't mad at him, that he didn't hate him, that he didn't want to leave him. He had a feeling these were Dongmin's thoughts and he didn't want to give them any room to grow.
With his arm not leaving Dongmin's waist, he led him into the elevator and they both rode in silence up to their fourth floor apartment. As he opened the door he led Dongmin to the sofa and asked him if he was hungry. Dongmin shook his head no. Moonbin sat next to him and held his hand. "Min-ah, you haven't eaten since last afternoon. You must be hungry. Tell me what you'd like to eat, beautiful," he said voice soft with a smile. Dongmin stared into his eyes, searching for anger and disappointment that wasn't there. "I'll eat whatever you want to eat," he said with a small smile.
"Awesome!" Bin says louder with a smile as if that one sentence made his whole day. "I'll make us some kimchijjigae ( kimchi stew )!" Binnie calls behind himself as he goes to the kitchen and begins preparing the food. As the rice is cooking he begins stirring the broth.
Suddenly Dongmin's arms wrap around Bin's waist startling him, as he couldn't hear Dongmin's soft footsteps approach him. "I'm sorry, Binnie," he says, in the most strained and weak tone Bin has ever heard. "For what, beautiful?" Bin asks, tone soft and confused. "I'm sorry I keep making you worry. I'm sorry you had to see that. I'm sorry I make stupid decisions. I'm sorry I'm such a burden. I don't deserve you, but you still give me so much love. I don't understand..." a small sob breaks through Dongmin's voice causing Moonbin to turn the stove off and turn around in his spot. He holds Dongmin's face in between his hands brushing any tears off of his cheeks with his thumbs. "Min-ah, listen to me. This is very important. I need you, beautiful. Having you around me is the only way I can live. Don't take yourself away from me, please. If you feel upset, don't do anything without talking to me, please. I love you Lee Dongmin. I don't have a reason or explanation why. I just do. Talk to me, beautiful. Tell me what's on your mind. We're in this together, remember? You're not a burden, love. Don't say things like that. It hurts," he says clenching the fabric of his shirt that lay over his heart, on the last two words.
Dongmin stares at him with unspilled tears glistening in his eyes. "I'm sorry Binnie. I promise I'll talk to you," he says. Bin presses a soft kiss to his lips. "Yes, love. Don't ever try to leave me again," he says as his voice cracks, tears of his own spilling on to his cheeks. Dongmin presses soft kisses to his pale cheeks, forehead, and finally his pretty, thin lips. He feels the warmth radiating off of Bin's body and melts into it. They kiss slowly, no haste in their actions as they lose themselves in each other. Bin feels Dongmin's plump chapped lips under his and the familiarity of them brings warmth to his stomach and spreads through his body. They pull apart, both out of breath, lips a brighter shade of pink. As if on cue, Dongmin's stomach rumbles and they both giggle feeling each other's breaths on their lips.
They finish cooking and eat the food quickly, both of them starving. They decide to binge watch a drama since they still had the rest of their Sunday to enjoy.
Outside, the sky had cleared during their meal and warm sunlight was pouring in through the window. The two of them cuddled on their couch tucked under a warm blanket, with snacks and an assortment of juices that Moonbin had picked up to help Dongmin with the bloodloss sitting on the side table. They both watched the drama, engrossed in the plot. Dongmin was a fan of cheesy romcoms but Moonbin preferred action. Thankfully for them, there were enough dramas with a good overlap of the two genres and it's not like they minded compromising for each other - spending time together mattered more than what drama was on.
As the sixth episode of the drama came to an end, Moonbin kissed Dongmin's forehead. Their legs were tangled underneath the blankets and most of Dongmin's weight rested on Moonbin's chest. Dongmin brushed Moonbin's bangs out of his eyes."Min-ah," he said. "Hm?" Dongmin asked. "Beautiful, there's something I want to ask you," he says. "Hmm," Dongmin says looking into Moonbin's eyes giving him his full attention. "Do you want to go talk to a professional, love?" he asked, his tone tinted with caution and concern.
Dongmin thought for a moment, "I'm scared to go Binnie," he says so softly, if not for their proximity Bin might not have heard him. "I'll stay right with you if you'd like. I'll hold your hand while you talk. You're not alone, Min-ah, but I haven't been trained to understand how you feel or help, beautiful. I can only reassure you so much. If someone can help you feel better, I will do everything I can to get you that help," he said, concern and affection for his lover oozing out of every word. "Okay Binnie. I'll do it. For us," Dongmin smiles and presses kisses to Moonbin's jaw. "I love you," Moonbin breathed. "I love you too," Dongmin said into Moonbin's neck. They continue watching the drama and fall asleep on their couch tangled in each other.
They would get through this together.
When there's no place to hide
When a hundred million words are on the inside
When you feel that the damage has been done,
Know that the battle is yet to be won.
You will make it out alive
And you will survive.