Chapter Text
Sometimes, Gordon wondered what he had done in a previous life to deserve this. Here he was, exceptionally late on the day of his big experiment, and now he was being shadowed by a creepy security guard who refused to look him in the eye. Because APPARENTLY some higher up decided that a company ID wasn’t enough, and a PASSPORT was required to get anywhere near the test chambers. It absolutely did not help that this weird little guard was setting off every alarm bell he had for no reason. Yeah, the monotone was creepy, and Gordon didn’t like the blank stare in his eyes, but nothing about that was inherently suspicious about a person. Hell, being a security guard was exactly the kind of job an impenetrable, stoic face would be perfect for! He was just overreacting to nothing.
If only he could convince himself of that.
But it didn’t matter. Gordon had a test to run, and damn if he wasn’t going to get it done. Besides, he wanted out of the HEV suit as soon as possible. Just seeing it out of the corner of his eye when he waved at a passing scientist was enough to make his stomach churn, and he hated it.
“Gordon, you’re late!” Oh, right. He should have known this was coming. He hadn’t seen Dr. Bubby at all today, and if anyone was going to make Gordon's day just a little harder, it was him.
“Yeah, I know, I know.” He loved Bubby, he really did. But man did he not want to deal with the criticisms right now.
For once, however, Gordon was lucky. Before Bubby could start ragging on him, the security guard that had been shadowing Gordon caught his attention. Even Bubby seemed put off by his behavior, looking back and forth between Gordon and this uncomfortably blank guard before asking “Gordon, who the hell is this?”
“This is Benrey. He’s insisting he has to follow me because apparently we’re supposed to bring our passports to work now!”
“You don’t have your passport?” Oh no. He could see the glint in Bubby’s eye. Like a predator about pounce on its cornered prey, except instead of a tiger, it’s an old man viciously teasing him over something dumb.
“Of course I don’t have my fucking passport! Do you have yours?!”
“Yes! Of course I have my passport, Gordon.”
Gordon blinked. Okay, that… wasn’t really the reaction he was expecting. Did everyone know about this rule except him?! He could feel himself about to pop a blood vessel at the sheer ridiculousness of it all. “Well, no one told me!”
“And now you’re being babysat by a security guard. How does that feel?”
Gordon just rolled his eyes, determined to not add any more fuel to the fire under his ass. Before he could come up with a witty response (he couldn’t let Bubby think he’d won this one), a small explosion sounded out from the wall behind him. Whipping around, it seemed like a panel had burst from the wall-mounted server. Aaaand now it was smoking. Wonderful.
“Are we sure we’re good to run the test today?” Gordon turned back, intending to direct the question toward Bubby, but the old man was already gone. Bewildered, he started looking for where the hell he could have gotten to.
That was, at least, before he heard Bubby’s voice echoing out from the direction of the still-smoking server. “Don’t worry, I’ve got it!” No. He didn’t. He wouldn’t. Gordon took a hesitant step toward the hole in the server.
“I found the bug!” He absolutely would. Trying not to crack up, Gordon stuck his head into the hole. Yep. There was Bubby, illuminated only by the glow of the server’s lights and the occasional, blue crackly of electricity. Jesus Christ, how’d he even get in here. Bubby, however, seemed entirely oblivious to the fact that what he was doing was insane, and simply added “I think I’m gonna need a wrench in here…”
Not one to deny a man his wrench, Gordon grabbed one off the nearby table, passing it through the hole as he tried, and failed, stop the mirth from creeping into his voice. “How did you get in there?!”
The only response he received as Bubby took the wrench was a curt “shut the fuck-” before crawling back over to where the apparent “bug” was.
That was the final straw. The laughter that had been building in his chest spilled out as Gordon keeled over, clutching his gut as he howled with laughter. Aw fuck, he was crying. Faintly, he could hear Bubby yell “what the hell is your problem,” over the sounds of his own laugh, but it barely registered.
Still grinning like a maniac as he attempted to recover, Gordon turned to Benrey, some part of him expecting the guard to find this hilarious. When he met his blank, emotionless gaze, however, Bubby’s antics were forgotten. Gordon couldn’t help but stare at Benrey, tears still trailing down his face. His tongue felt like thick cotton, and his thoughts were static as he just… kept staring.
The clatter of metal against metal (some part of him recognized that Bubby must have dropped the wrench) knocked Gordon out his trance. Wiping his eyes, he stood, nodding at Benrey. “Come on. We should get going.” He winced at how hollow his voice sounded, but Benrey didn’t seem to mind. He simply nodded and tilted his head to the side, which Gordon took as his way of saying Gordon should take the lead.
So he did. And as the pair continued down the sterile hallways of Black Mesa, Gordon, not for the first time today, shoved down the tangled mess of conflicting feelings that threatened to climb up his throat every time he made eye contact with Benrey.
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“You can’t come in here, dude. You’ve gotta stay out of the test chamber.”
It was like talking to a brick wall. The blank stare wasn’t even creepy, it was just infuriating! No matter how Gordon tried to phrase the fact that Benrey couldn’t come in here, that it wasn’t safe for him, all he got in return was that same stupid stare!
“Even if you’re immune to radiation, its still not safe. I don’t know how to explain this to you.” He was about to give up. Even this weird little guard couldn’t phase through solid steel if he shut the door in his face.
“Sorry, I gotta follow you.”
Gordon, despite the fact that he was staring directly at Benrey when he started talking, still jumped a little. “Huh?” Smooth, Gordon. Real intelligent.
“You don’t have your passport. I have to follow you.”
“What does a- a passport have to do with the test? This is the only door into the room, you can just wait until I get out.”
Benrey just shrugged, but Gordon wasn’t going to budge on this. He was not going to let Benrey into the test chamber, especially not with what was going to happen.
Wait, what? Nothing was going to happen. No, wait, radiation! Radiation was going to happen and that would kill a person. Even if Benrey wasn’t human, the radiation still wouldn’t be good for him.
Gordon groaned and slid his ID card into the scanner, rolling his eyes as the door slid open. He stepped inside, then, before Benrey could follow, Gordon whipped around, slamming his hand down on the “Close Door” button. Ahah! Win for Gordon!
Except... he was exhausted, and it didn’t feel like much of a win. Slumping down against the metal door, head in his hands, Gordon took a deep breath and sighed. Today had been crazy, and he was less than an hour into work. At least, after this test, the rest of his day was going to be looking through the data they collected. Nice, boring data processing that couldn’t hurt him. That sounded nice. And all he had to do was get through this test, make sure his samples were in order, and not get irradiated.
“Come on, Gordon. You can do it,” he told himself as he pushed off the wall, stretching a bit as he stood. Nodding to the two scientists manning the door to the chamber, he stepped up to the proverbial plate. No use in delaying things anymore. Better to just get this over with and deal with everything afterward.
When the door opened and he got his first good look into the chamber, Gordon felt like he had been punched in the gut. Standing there, as if he was waiting for a microwave burrito to finish in the Black Mesa break room, was Benrey. A Benrey, who, he was damn sure, did not come through the only door into the test chamber, meaning that he either climbed through the tiny observation window and fell the easily thirty feet into the chamber floor, or he phased through solid steel and concrete. And! At this point! Gordon wasn’t sure which one was more likely!!!
He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to laugh or cry.
“Look, dude. I know there are no predetermined deaths, but you… you can’t be in here.”
If he wasn’t staring directly at him, Gordon would have missed it. A microscopic flinch, the tips of his teeth far too sharp the single instant he winced, and that was all it took for a pang of regret that he didn’t understand piercing Gordon’s heart like an icicle. But before he could even think to ask, Benrey was back to his perfectly neutral posture.
“I have to follow you. Have to make sure you don’t steal anything.”
Gordon sighed. “Sure, dude. Whatever. Just stay away from the samples.”
The intercom crackled to life. “Alright, Mister Freeman! We’re good- we’re ready on our end!” And there was the Science Team. If he squinted, Gordon could just make out the three of them through the tiny observation window, the reinforced glass protecting them from radiation just as the HEV suit was supposed to do for him. Tommy noticed him looking, and he started to wave, but he hesitated when he saw Benrey, the gesture aborted halfway through. He bent over, likely talking to Bubby and Dr. Coomer for a second before grabbing what Gordon assumed was the microphone attached to the chamber’s intercom system. “Benrey? What are you doing in there?”
There was some more scuffling, words exchanged Gordon couldn’t here, then a distinct “give me that!” before Bubby’s voice filled the test chamber. “Don’t worry about him, just get on with the test!”
Not one to argue a position that would put him in the chamber (or the HEV suit) longer than he absolutely had to be, Gordon gave them a thumbs up. “Right. Hearing you loud and clear, Bubby. Powering on the machine now.”
Of course, the control panel for said machinery was placed on a catwalk for some reason. Probably OSHA compliance or something, if he had to guess. So, after what was probably the easiest ladder climb of his life, by the time Gordon was actually in position to start the rotors and ready for them to send the sample up into the chamber, Bubby was getting impatient. Fantastic.
“Come on, Gordon! Hurry it up already!” He groaned internally, biting back a retort. It was all so predictable that Gordon was surprised he hadn’t worked with Bubby before today. It felt like he had known the man for years. Maybe that was just his generally-pissed-off attitude that made it easy for Gordon to guess what he was going to say next.
The grinding of gears and shifting of machinery drew his attention to the lower platform. Ah, there was the sample now. Descending the ladder, Tommy’s voice was the one that rang out this time. “Do you see the next step?”
“Yep! Push the test sample into the laser.” Fairly simple on his end. After all, the Science Team would be doing all the work monitoring the data gathered while he was in the chamber. All he needed to do was push a cart.
“Right! Very carefully! Slower... than molasses… drips of a spoon! :)”
Gordon found himself saying the words with Tommy, albeit under his breath. It helped loosen some of the anxiety that was threatening to crawl up his throat, and a small smile played across his lips. The comfort of familiarity fueled him as he placed his hands on the cart, ready to push it into position.
That shattered as he felt the pressure of cold metal against the HEV suit gloves, however. Gordon stumbled a bit, his lack of breakfast no longer a guarantee he wasn’t going to spit up something. His head hurt with a phantom pain, and the sense that something terrible was about to happen overwhelmed him.
“Gordon, are you alright?” Dr. Coomer’s voice broke through the fuzz of his thoughts, and he nodded instinctively.
“Yeah, I’m… I’m fine. Pushing the sample in now.” And he did.
Benrey hoovered in the corner of his eye, too far away for Gordon to tell if he had reacted to any of this, but, at this point, Gordon didn’t really care. Benrey could do whatever he wanted, he had an experiment to do.
Unfortunately, he was a bit too distracted to notice the exact speed that he was pushing the sample into the laser.
Before the first explosion even reached him, Gordon knew he had fucked up. As the second one hit, already so much stronger than the first, he realized just how badly that fuck up was.
A massive wave of kinetic energy sent Gordon rocketing backward, his head cracking against the concrete wall of the test chamber. He bounced off the wall like a ping pong ball due to the level of force released by the blast, but, surprisingly, he didn’t feel the impact of his ragdolled body hitting the ground. Someone had grabbed him, slowing his fall before lowering him safely to the ground. Another crack of alien lightning ripped through the chamber, drawing his attention before he could figure out who could have, would have, helped him.
As the chamber filled with bright, green light, the last thing he was able to process before he passed out was varying shades of blue and purple that held their own against the green of the Resonance Cascade, and the haunting sound of singing that echoed in time with the vicious sparks of energy that filled Gordon’s heart with nothing but regret.