Archive of Our Own

The cold was relentless, that day. Sharp and thin, biting at Hoseok’s nose and making his eyes water. That’s what he blamed the warm tears on his cheeks for. The cold. 

(It wasn’t the cold.)

That day was unlike any other, in a quiet sort of way. That sort of different that makes your stomach move around and your head spin, but only so much that it leaves you a little dazed. Maybe that’s why Hoseok wiped at his glossy eyes, ignoring his shaky hands. It was just that he felt dazed. Not sad. Not scared. Not alone.

(That wasn’t it at all.) 

It was the cold that pushed him up the unfamiliar stairs on Christmas Eve. The cold chased him into the dorm, nipping at his heels. So with tired eyes he turned the knob, pushing down any sort of feeling to the bottom of his stomach. And when he stepped inside the tiny dorm, lugging his equally as tiny suitcase, the air was much too warm, nearly burning his cheeks.

“Oh my god!”

Later he’d realize the heater was on high, blasting warm air into the living room. But the sight in front of him made him feel just as hot, and suddenly he wished he were back in the gloomy train station, where he had icy tears in the place of blushing cheeks. Maybe this was a mistake?

(It most definitely, certainly, was not a mistake.)

Suddenly a boy with long and lanky arms dove into the hallway in front of the small boy with no pants on, and Hoseok stood in the doorway, mouth clamped shut and ears burning red. The lanky boy laughed nervously, not so discreetly kicking the other boy in the shin, earning a sharp curse in return. Hoseok gulped.

“Are you… you’re BigHit trainees, right?”

The lanky boy smiled. “You must be Jung Hoseok.”

Hoseok nodded, running the tip of his tongue over his braces. They were still new. It made his jaw ache. Not from crying, of course. Just the braces.

The pants-less boy peeked over lanky boy’s shoulder at the newcomer, tiny eyes taking in the unfamiliar face. He was quickly shoved away, however, pushed into the doorway of what was presumably the bedroom. 

“My name is Kim Namjoon.” The lanky boy introduced himself, completely disregarding the boy he had just pushed into the other room. “Welcome to the dorms.” 

Hoseok bowed politely, his feet still stuck to the floorboards. The other boy looked kind, long black hair stopping at his eyebrows, dimples adorning his cheeks. There was something inviting about him, something powerful. 

“Could you shut the door?” A voice called out, a now decently dressed boy coming from the other room, a towel over his head. “The cold air is getting in.” 

Hoseok startled, pulling his suitcase in and shutting the door as fast as he could, not wanting to leave a bad impression. He turned to see the formerly pants-less boy staring, his face blank. 

“I’m Min Yoongi, by the way. It’s nice to meet you.” He offered a smile, one that made Hoseok’s heart pick up speed. Probably because he had just seen this Min Yoongi in his underwear not two minutes before. Hoseok smiled back, unsure of what to say.

“Uhh,” Namjoon looked around the room, smacking his lips. “I’d give you a tour but there’s not much to show. There’s the bedroom, three of us are staying here right now.” He threw a hand towards the open door, before pointing behind him. “That’s where the kitchen and bathroom are. There’s not much hot water so… best of luck finding a time to shower.” Namjoon chuckled, taking a step to the right. “And this is the living room.” 

“It’s not much, but,” Yoongi shrugged, “‘ts better than nothing.”

Hoseok wanted to frown. He looked around his new home, at the worn out couch, the glimpse of several bunk beds through the open bedroom door, at the light peeking in from under the bathroom door. Once again his eyes felt wet, and he found himself wiping it away. I’m just tired.

“Thank you, Yoongi-ssi.” Hoseok replied, taking his shoes off to set neatly in the mess of the others. 

“Hyung is fine. Might as well get over that now, in the case we debut together.” 

Hoseok looked at Yoongi then, the thought settling in his mind. The boy was kind of intimidating, but there was a sort of comfort in his words, saying things like don’t worry, I’m scared too, and you’re not alone here, In between every line. Hoseok smiled as best he could.

“Thanks, Yoongi Hyung.” 

Yoongi smiled then, playing with one of his earrings, before stepping off after Namjoon into the kitchen. Hoseok sighed, turning to stare at the glowing red light of the radiator, wondering what he should do next. There was the ever growing pit in his stomach, and he didn’t much feel like dealing with that, or there was deciding which bed to claim, but before he could even begin walking towards the bedroom, another boy burst out the bathroom, stopping for a moment to take Hoseok in, before darting into said bedroom without another word. 

Eventually Hoseok settled onto the couch, setting his suitcase next to his feet. He played with his thumbs, staring out at the gray clouds through the single window in the room. 

The cold was relentless, that day. And sitting in the tiny dorm living room, Hoseok could feel it settling over him once again. It was the type of cold that was unsatisfying, the dark clouds looming over but not allowing the sweet relief of snow. It was only there to taunt, to bite. And Hoseok bit his lip, refusing to cry. 

The boy sighed once again, leaning forward to rest his forehead on his knees. After a while of simply listening to voices softly chatter on in the bedroom, along with sharp clinks every so often coming from the kitchen, Hoseok ended up half draped over the side of the couch, letting the weight of the day pull him into sleep. 

He had had too much. The train ride from Gwangju to Seoul was beyond stressful, leaving everything he knew behind to find himself lost in the fast-paced glamour of Seoul city. He hadn’t been feeling well for the past months, and with the stress of paying for dance class atop the impending date he would leave for his new life as a trainee, his last few days in Gwangju had been filled with anxiousness and tears. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. 

“Hoseok?”

He woke quickly, rubbing his eyes, trying to make out who was standing above him in the dim lights. 

“What are you still doing out here?” 

Hoseok squinted his eyes, meeting a pair of sharp eyes staring back curiously, halfway covered by messily chopped brown hair. 

He breathed for a moment, wondering if his voice would shake too much if he tried to speak. “Sleeping, I guess.” He eventually said.

Yoongi furrowed his brow. “Why?”

Hoseok shrugged, sinking further into the couch cushions. “Dunno.” 

The older boy placed his fingers on Hoseok’s suitcase, moving it around on the wooden floorboards. “Come sleep in the room, Hoseok-ah.” 

Yoongi stood up, taking the younger boy’s suitcase in one hand, reaching the other out to him. Hoseok blinked at it, mind slowly registering the bitten nails and calloused palm. He reached up to wrap his own fingers around them. 

Quietly Yoongi led Hoseok to the bedroom, where there were four bunk beds shoved into every corner of the room, space for eight people to sleep. Yoongi placed the suitcase next to the only unoccupied bed, patting the sheets. 

“Namjoon and I did the laundry earlier today. You can sleep here, the sheets are clean.” Yoongi whispered, before padding away to his own bed. 

After the exchange, Hoseok sat down on the chilly bed, still for a moment. The room was relatively quiet, save for the rustling of sheets as Yoongi resigned to his own bed, and the soft snoring of one of the other boys in the room. Hoseok found himself focusing in on the sound of his own breathing, willing it to stay steady.

Because the bed was nice; it smelled fresh and the fabric was soft. The room was warm, the heater quietly humming below the window. But Hoseok felt something crawl in him, something reaching out towards the other side of the country; reaching out for his sister’s warm smile, for his father’s kind words, and for his mother’s comforting hands. He shuddered, wondering how long it would be before he could see them again, before he could lie in his own bed. 

Yoongi coughed. Hoseok blinked, pulling back the blankets to settle underneath, uncaring that he was still in his clothes. 

With the cover of the night, the tears freely fell. At only sixteen, Hoseok found himself in an unfamiliar world, left completely alone. He wiped at his eyes for the thousandth time that day, letting himself slip off into a fitful sleep, his last thought a prayer, a dream. 

Oh please, let us be okay.

(They’ll be okay.)

-

The next morning was even colder, somehow.

Hoseok had woken up last, the other three trainees already up and going about their business. They had the day off for the holiday, it being too cold to do much of anything anyway. 

The newest trainee had woken up in a tangle of sheets and a huff, bleary eyes opening the same time the bedroom door did, revealing Namjoon, wide awake and curious.

“Ah, Hoseok! You’re awake.” Namjoon stepped into the room, holding a cream colored mug. “How are you feeling?” 

Hoseok sat up then, realizing the other boy was trying to hand him the mug. It was warm, comforting against his cold fingers. 

“I’m… good.” Hoseok answered, showing off his best dimpled smile. Namjoon smiled in return, obviously not seeing past the lie.

“That’s good. It took me a while to adjust, I’m glad you seem to be having an easier time.” Namjoon rested a hand on Hoseok's shoulder, “But if you ever need anything, then-“

“Finally, you’re awake!” 

Namjoon was cut off by the door swinging open, Yoongi bursting through with way too much energy for such a gray morning. He nodded at the other two in the room, before diving under his bed to rummage through his things. Not long after, the fourth and final trainee walked into the room, a spoon hanging from his mouth. 

“Yah, idiot Hyung!” He snickered, gaining a barely vicious glare from Yoongi.

Namjoon cleared his throat, gaining the attention of the newest boy in the room. The unfamiliar face turned to see Namjoon and Hoseok, his eyes immediately widening. Namjoon motioned to Hoseok, eyes expectant. 

“Oh! Hoseok-ssi! My name is Shin Donghyuk, pleasure to meet you.” He grinned, giving a short bow before glancing back at Yoongi, who hit his hand against something sharp, cursing.

“Don’t mind this guy, he’s a little crazy in the head.” Donghyuk spun a finger around for effect. Yoongi rolled his eyes. “He was about ready to eat his entire thumbnail waiting for you to wake up, said he left his old lyric book in here.” The boy stuck out his tongue, lightly kicking at Yoongi’s foot. “A madman.”

Hoseok let out a breath of nervous laughter, bringing the mug to his lips. He watched as Donghyuk leaned forward to flick the back of Yoongi’s head, letting the warm coffee fill his mouth. Hoseok choked on the coffee, making a face. The other three boys turned to look at him, each of their faces plastered with confusion.

“This is… disgusting- oh my god.”

At that Donghyuk burst out laughing, his head thrown back to show off his thick neck. 

“Welcome to the trainee life, Hoseok-ssi.”

Namjoon chuckled lightly, and Hoseok joined in out of pure awkwardness, his heart sinking. But the look Yoongi gave the other boy was strange, and the look he sent Hoseok’s way even stranger. 

“You’ll be fine, Hoseok-ah. Just put the coffee in the fridge, someone will end up drinking it out of desperation.” 

Hoseok bit his lip, feeling a very unwanted pressure behind his eyes at his Hyung’s words. But before anything else could happen, Yoongi was back to his rummaging, only moving a few things around before crying out. 

“Shit, that took forever to find.” Yoongi grumbled, pulling a worn black notebook from under his bed. He stood up quickly, raising his eyebrows at the other three before darting back out the room.

Donghyuk did the thing with his hand again, obviously trying to get Hoseok to join in on laughing at Yoongi. “See? What’d I tell ya?” He shook his head, crossing the room to plop onto his bed. 

Hoseok mustered a chuckle, not exactly sure how to put together the pieces of the three other trainees. Usually Hoseok would like to say he’s good with people, someone who makes friends easily. But it seems like in Seoul, everything that can change, will change. 

Eventually they all made it out of the bedroom, going about their separate ways. It was awkward, to say the least, the four of them not quite sure how to coexist yet. But they made it work. 

Hoseok was allowed the bathroom first, and based on the pinched look on Namjoon’s face when he finished, he probably spent one moment too long in the shower. Hoseok frowned, worried he had angered his new acquaintance on the second day. 

(He didn’t.)

The rest of the day was slow. The other three left the dorm to either meet up with friends or head to the studio, taking advantage of their free time. Hoseok puttered around a bit, unpacking and exploring every inch of his new home. There wasn’t much to see, just evidence of the fact that four teenage boys lived there. Eventually Hoseok began to get bored of counting bags of chips in the kitchen cupboards, and decided to bundle up and head to the office. 

The whole ordeal - becoming a BigHit trainee - had been rather hectic. Hoseok had decided on a whim to take his dancing further, walking into his parents room with his head bowed, a dance academy application halfway crumpled in his hand. Soon after their nod of approval, he was on his way to the JYP dance competition, ready to take his life by the neck and make it his own.

Only, life never seems to go the way you expect.

After long nights and even longer, gloomy days, Hoseok signed his name along the dotted line, shutting his reddened eyes so he wouldn’t have to read the title again.

He wasn’t picked up at the competition. 

At least, not by JYP.

Suddenly the future seemed a little less bright. Given to the bankrupt company by the big dogs. Deep down Hoseok was a little bitter. But the tired smile on his mother’s face and the aging lines around his father’s eyes kept him facing forward, determined to make something of his future.

(He would.)

Hoseok stepped into the nondescript office building, unwrapping his scarf from around his neck. The place was small, undecorated. It was incredibly unfamiliar, despite the hours he spent pouring over pictures of the building before traveling to Seoul. 

The dancer walked through the quiet hall to where he knew the practice rooms and studios were, supposing he should try and familiarize himself with the place. At one point while wandering around, he passed another group of trainees, who looked to be a lot closer than he and his newest roommates; laughing and smiling and hanging off each other’s limbs. Will I get to be that happy here?

(He will.)

Hoseok decided to follow in the direction the other trainees were leaving from, hoping they would inadvertently lead him to the studios. After a little more walking, sure enough, Hoseok found himself in a spacious room, doors lined all across the back wall, mirrors all across the other side. Hoseok set down his bag, shucked off his coat, and took a deep breath in. 

Here, he could finally breathe.

Hoseok made his way across the room, where he spotted the large sound system just waiting to be used. And in no time he was letting go, popping and locking and crushing each tear he’d shed, refusing to let his homesickness, his fear, his bitterness; any of those things, refusing to let them hold him back. Not now, not when he’d come so far, gone through the auditions, left his childhood home behind. Nothing could keep him from his dreams, nothing- 

“What the fuck?” 

He faltered. Hoseok spun around, finding Donghyuk and Yoongi standing directly in front of one of the doors. They both looked stunned, Yoongi’s eyes wide and lips parted, Donghyuk’s brow furrowed and mouth downturned. 

“I- the fuck? You dance?” Donghyuk was rushing forward, inspecting Hoseok up and down, as if seeing him for the first time. 

“Yes, I— didn’t you know that? It’s…” Hoseok took a step back, feeling the air change around them from something warm to stuffy.

“Why would they make us live with someone who we don’t work with?” Donghyuk turned to Yoongi, who was frozen in place, “Are you seeing this? You saw that, right?”

“Donghyuk-ssi, I don’t know if there’s been some sort of miscommunication or something, but—“ Hoseok’s breaths were coming in shorter, a little confused and a lot intimidated by the look the taller boy was giving him. “I was told I’d be working with three other trainees… I don’t-“ 

Hoseok automatically looked to Yoongi, grasping for some form of support, remembering his warm smile from the night before. 

“Yah, Donghyuk, stop terrorizing the poor kid. We don’t know what Bang is planning, let’s just schedule a meeting with him and clear this up. This doesn’t automatically mean we-“

“Yes it fucking does Yoongi Hyung and you know it. They wouldn’t take in a dancer like that without exploiting it!” He turned to Hoseok, face twisted up in anger. “You better explain why the fuck you’re here or so I’ll-“

“This isn’t his fault! Can’t you see he obviously doesn’t even understand what’s got you losing your shit?” 

Donghyuk clenched his jaw, steely eyes staring down at the newest trainee, “Fine then, I’ll spell it out for you. We,” he motioned between himself and Yoongi with a wild finger, “are a hip-hop group. Hip-hop groups don’t dance, idol groups do. Understand?”

Hoseok nodded, fingers playing with the hem of his shirt. “They didn’t tell me exactly what I’d be doing- I’m sorry I just...” 

“This isn’t your fault, Hoseok.” Yoongi assured, earning a more than deadly glare from Donghyuk.

“Are you not upset about this?” He all but yelled, face growing red.

Yoongi rolled his eyes, “Of course I’m upset. If they really are adding a dancer to the team then I have a few choice words I’d like to share with Bang. But this isn’t at all Hoseok’s fault. Can’t you see how much he’s hurting already?” 

Donghyuk turned back to Hoseok, who’s eyes were widening at Yoongi’s words. Donghyuk sighed.

“You’re… right. I’m sorry, Hoseok. It’s just- I’ve never wanted to be an idol, I don’t want to end up like that. And I’ve had to jump through hoops to get out of it. I don’t want to get stuck again.” 

Hoseok let out some air, slowly nodding his head. “I understand. I don’t know what’s going on either… but I hope everyone can come out the other end happy.” 

Yoongi nodded in agreement, “I hope so. But for now, let's just wait until we can get an actual explanation on this, yeah?”

The other two agreed, Donghyuk shaking his head with a burst of laughter. “Hyung you're shit at conflict, where did this come from?” Donghyuk lightly punched Yoongi’s shoulder, the air returning to it's normal jest. 

Yoongi mumbled a soft “I don’t know,” before shutting the still open studio door, effectively hiding his heated cheeks. He met Hoseok’s eyes, something glittering in them. Hoseok felt warm.

“Well,” Donghyuk began, stepping away towards the door leading into the hallway. “You keep doing whatever it was you’re doing, my family wants me over for dinner so…” The boy waved, albeit awkwardly, before throwing on his coat and leaving. 

Hoseok and Yoongi were left alone in the studio, shy glances trained on the wooden floor.

“I uh…” Yoongi began, stuffing his hands in his pocket. “I actually have work soon, but the dance you were doing was really cool. Can you…”

“You want me to show you?” Hoseok asked, his tone completely giving away his excitement. 

Yoongi laughed, “Sure, if you’re willing.”

And suddenly everything was okay again. 

No more fights, no more confusion.

Just dance. 

With that Hoseok spun around, starting the song over and bouncing back into position. He let the music carry him away, let himself be overtaken by each beat and each note. He moved his body the way he’d always known how, and felt pieces of the puzzle fall right back into place again. 

It’ll be okay.

(It will.)

The song ended with a heavy exhale, Hoseok hunched over with a wild smile on his face. It had been too long since he had been able to relax in that way, his dance previously only focused on perfection, on the audition. He turned to find Yoongi watching, eyes blown wide and bottom lip sucked into his mouth. 

“You’re… amazing.”

Hoseok could feel the heat rise to his cheeks, along with something fluttering in his stomach. Suddenly the room felt scorching, the combination of exertion from the dance, the heater choking out warm air, the thumping hearts in each of the boy’s chests. 

“Thank you, Hyung.” 

Yoongi smiled then, a sort of genuine, encouraging smile. How Yoongi had the ability to say so many things with just the upturn of his lips, Hoseok would never know. He tried to smile back just the same. 

“I’m sorry about Donghyuk.” Yoongi sighed, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “It is true, Bangtan isn’t supposed to be an Idol group but…” He shrugged, staring at Hoseok’s feet. “Things change.” 

“Yeah.” Hoseok was breathless. Why?

(Because he cared.)

Yoongi breathed out from his nose, shutting his eyes in a sort of halfway laugh. “Yeah.” He straightened his back, raised his eyebrows. “But whatever happens, I know you will shine wherever you go, Hoseok. You don’t need to worry about that. Whether you’re in Bangtan, or somewhere else.” 

Hoseok grinned, unplugging his phone from the speaker. “Thanks, Hyung.” Yoongi began walking towards the exit, Hoseok almost instinctively following. “I haven’t seen anything you’ve done yet, but I know the same is true for you. I hope somehow we can work together.” 

Yoongi slowly nodded, studying the younger boy, before he jumped, pointing to the studio doors behind him. “I should show you my music! You can get a feel for the sort of things Bangtan is working on so far. I’ve got work now, but…” The older trainee pushed his tongue against the inside of his cheek, thinking. “How about tomorrow morning? We can come here together.” 

Hoseok nodded like a bobblehead, already wishing tomorrow would come faster. There was something about Yoongi, something about his new tiny eyed Hyung that drew him in. 

They exchanged goodbyes, Yoongi off to work and Hoseok left in the dance studio, both with a little more life to their step. Hoseok couldn’t help the soft smile on his face as he searched for a new song to dance to, looking forward to what's to come for the first time since his trainee adventure began. 

For the first time, Hoseok felt a little bit of hope. 

-

It was two days later that the four Bangtan trainees were called into a meeting.

BigHit’s CEO sat on the opposite end of the conference room table, a strangely amused look on his face.

“I hear there’s been a bit of an upset between the members of your team,” he began, obviously holding back a chuckle. 

“Yes, sir. There has been some confusion about the goal of our project ever since Jung Hoseok-ssi’s arrival.” Namjoon replied, glancing over at the trainee in question. Hoseok shifted in his seat, nervous all of the sudden. 

Shihyuk hummed, opening a folder, quickly flipping through the papers inside. The crinkling of the paper was a sharp contrast to the calling him of the heater, creating an unsettling dissonance in the room. After a few more moments filled with anxiously bated breath, Shihyuk found what he was looking for, placing Hoseok’s audition form flat on the wood of the table.

“Jung Hoseok, sixteen. Passed the Gwangju audition through dance, potential with rapping. Assigned to Hip-hop Project Bangtan December 2010. Notes: shows exquisite skill in several Hip-hop genre styles of dance.” he read aloud, running his finger across each line. The photo on the page was entirely unflattering, and Hoseok found himself blushing, tearing his eyes from the page. 

“I still don’t understand,” Donghyuk interjected, scraping his thumbnail on the edge of the table. “I get the rap part, he could probably learn. But dance?” He shook his head, baffled.

Shihyuk sat back in his chair, tapping his fingers on the paper. “We’ve told you from the start; we want Bangtan to be something new, something fresh. What’s better than to add a little b-boying, then?” The man finally chuckled, eyes tuned to Hoseok, slouched in his chair. “Hoseok-ssi here has some outstanding talent, and I believe he could add something special to this project.”

“So we’re going to learn how to dance now.” Donghyuk deadpanned, letting out a sigh at Shihyuk’s affirming nod. 

“Now that you know what’s actually going on, if any of you still have the incentive to step out, speak your piece.”

Not a single one of them moved.

The four of them seemed to be at different levels of acceptance for the change, but they were still all in, none of the trainees ready to risk their chance to debut just yet. Donghyuk was most visibly upset, but he kept his mouth shut, gaze tied to the floor. 

Hoseok felt a bit of relief wash over him by the end of the meeting, hoping the tension that had grown between the four of them would dissipate. He let himself look over to the others, finding a soft, dimpled smile on Namjoon’s face, and a shining encouragement hidden in Yoongi’s eyes. Donghyuk cut himself off from the others, but Hoseok had faith he’d come around soon enough. 

The future seemed bright, the possibilities endless, each one beyond fascinating to the young dancer. Maybe Bangtan would end up being the four of them, dancing and rapping, taking the world by a storm. Hoseok left the office building with a smile that December evening, ready to do what it’d take to debut.

Only time will tell what that entails.

(It won’t be easy.)

-

The following week was much more hectic than the previous. The trainees were told they could return home for New Years, on the condition that they make conceivable progress in the days leading up to the holiday. The Bangtan project trainees spent nearly every hour of the day holed up in the studio, dancing, producing, rapping; trying to learn the ins and outs of working together.

It was far from easy. 

Hoseok soon learned that throwing four teenage boys to live and to work together is never a simple thing. Oftentimes he would wake up to the sound of Namjoon and Yoongi’s ever escalating bickering, or to Donghyuk’s impromptu satire vocal lesson. Hoseok would groan, wandering off into the bathroom to try and drown them out with the buzzing of his toothbrush. The other boys would usually apologize, trying their best to help Hoseok feel welcome. It was nice. 

The real struggle began in the studio, where their distinct personalities really began to clash. It wasn’t so much all four of them as it was just Donghyuk, his ever growing bitterness seeping into both his dance and producing. They did their best to work around it, knowing that learning to work together would include bumps in the road. 

But the worst part of it all, was their dance practices. With the time crunch, and the absolute no experience they had, stress would turn to anger, and anger would lead to fights. It was overwhelming, and Hoseok found himself wanting to cry more often than not. 

Hoseok’s favorite part though, was watching Yoongi. In the short few days they had known each other, the two trainees were already growing close. They’d often leave to go to the studio together, Namjoon sleeping in too late and Donghyuk taking too long in the shower. The two would make the journey to the office, fighting the cold with light hearted jokes and easy stories of their hometowns. It was nice. 

Yoongi kept the invitation to get familiar with the music open to Hoseok, simply telling him as such as he walked into the studio each morning. Hoseok generally would follow him right in, kneeling on the ground next to his rolly chair, starry eyed and fond. 

Hoseok was easily beginning to like Yoongi.

He really hoped they could be friends for a long time.

(They would be.)

Whenever Hoseok wasn’t simply watching or following Yoongi wherever he went like some star struck fool, they would spend a good amount of time in the dance studio. 

As it turns out, Yoongi really enjoys dancing.

They’d spend hours running through moves, laughing and giggling at each other through the big studio mirrors. Yoongi was a quick learner for someone who had never had an interest in dance before, and Hoseok found himself struck dumb and amazed at his Hyung in more ways than one.

He was simply a force to be reckoned with.

Towards the later hours of the morning, when Namjoon and Donghyuk would arrive, things would change. Namjoon was more like Yoongi in his openness, ready to take on the new challenge of learning to dance. He stumbled through it all, but kept his head held high, and Hoseok knew he had the potential to become a great performer.

Donghyuk, on the other hand, would try, and fail, and get too annoyed to continue, and drag Yoongi off into the studio claiming he had an urgent idea for whatever song they’d been working on. Yoongi would frown, but follow along just in case. 

“He’ll come around,” Namjoon had assured one afternoon, panting and wiping his forehead. “He’s kind of stubborn, so it’ll take a minute, but he wants this just as much as we do.” 

(He didn’t.) 

Hoseok just nodded, tapping his sore feet on the ground. He and Namjoon dabbled around a bit longer in the choreo they’d been sent, before they ended up leaned against the fogged mirrors, exchanging bites from a triangle gimbap they managed to snatch on the way to the office. 

“How’re you feeling?” Namjoon took a small bite, handing the package over to Hoseok.

“I’m alright.” Hoseok replied. And he really was. After spending the morning with Yoongi he felt relaxed, momentarily forgetting about the pit in his stomach, or the dull ache in his head. Things weren’t perfect, but they were, well, alright. 

Namjoon hummed, resting his eyes for a moment. There was some distant shouting of another group of trainees down the hall, stuck in the middle of some big fight. 

“Things were really hard for me, in the beginning.” Namjoon took the gimbap back from Hoseok with a mumbled thanks, the roll almost already halfway gone. He chewed, swallowed. “I was assigned to Bangtan just under a year ago. The lineup was completely different back then.” He sighed, “We were supposed to debut this year. All of them quit except for me.”

Hoseok could hear it in Namjoon’s voice; the fear, the uncertainty. It made his stomach churn. He hoped nothing like that would happen again.

(It would.)

“Then Yoongi Hyung came along, then Donghyuk, and now you.” Namjoon took one last bite before handing the remainder of the triangle to Hoseok, surrendering the snack. “I have hope for this team. Think we could debut by next year, maybe. The four of us.” 

The four of them.

Yoongi, Namjoon, Donghyuk, Hoseok.

Would they make it?

Hoseok felt something strange bubble up in him at the thought. He wanted to debut more than anything, and Bangtan seemed to be a good fit. But why did it feel so strange?

“I still feel scared, of course.” Namjoon continued, taking Hoseok’s silence as a sign to keep talking. “You probably do too. No matter what we think, in this industry there's always uncertainty. Either all this means something great, or we’ll amount to nothing. But we won't know until we get there.” 

Hoseok looked at Namjoon then. He looked and saw someone strong, someone who had already seen so much, someone to lean on; a leader.

“Thanks, Namjoon-ah.” Hoseok smiled, Namjoon smiled back. 

“You’re a great guy, Hoseok-ah. You’re great at what you do and you’re adjusting so well. I think I kind of admire you.” Namjoon chuckled, patting Hoseok’s knee.

Before Hoseok could respond, before he could disagree, insisting that no, Namjoon is the admirable one, one of the studio doors opened to reveal Yoongi’s head of brown hair, cheeks bunched up in a smile. Hoseok couldn’t help but feel warm.

“Hoseok-ah, come here.” He beckoned, waving a hand. 

Hoseok jumped up immediately to follow his hyung into the tiny studio, where Donghyuk was standing, staring at the computer screen with his brow furrowed. He couldn’t explain it, but after Namjoon closed the door and all four trainees were tucked away in the room, Hoseok sat down at the end of the couch, the furthest spot away from Donghyuk. The other clicked his tongue, turning to face the newcomers after Yoongi settled in his chair. 

“We thought you guys could help us,” Yoongi began, looking between Namjoon and Hoseok intently. “We’ve been at it for hours now and nothing is working. Thought a pair of fresh eyes could help,” He chuckled. “And Hoseok-ah, you do the best you can, okay? You’re still new to this and that’s okay.”

Donghyuk scoffed at that, but kept his mouth shut, eyes trained on the lines of music on the screen. Hoseok flushed, his skin prickling in embarrassment. 

They went on in unsuccessful back and forth for a while, trading ideas that never seemed to make the cut. By the minute Donghyuk’s face seemed to grow more and more red, even throwing sharp glares in Hoseok’s direction every so often, the dancer being the one to give the worst ideas, apparently. 

It was when Hoseok suggested they add something to the second verse of the track that Donghyuk finally broke. 

“Bullshit.” He quipped, earning a pointed look from Yoongi. “You don’t know shit Hoseok, I think you’d be a better help to just keep your fucking mouth shut.” 

Hoseok gasped, clamping his lips together. 

“Donghyuk,” Yoongi seethed, his lips forming a deep scowl. 

“What!? All he does is prance around in that stuffy studio! Can he even fucking rap? How are we supposed to get anywhere like this?”  

Yoongi’s expression steeled, eyes fixed on Donghyuk. Hoseok wanted to sink into the couch cushions, feeling entirely out of place.

“Get out.” Yoongi said, his tone set. “Get the fuck out of here and cool off.”

Donghyuk scoffed, “I- what? What are you now, are you an idol? Gonna put on some lipstick and run around doing aegyo for the cameras?” Donghyuk taunted, backing up towards the door. 

“Donghyuk what the hell has gotten into you?” Namjoon looked dumbfounded, staring up at his friend. “We’re supposed to be in this together.”

“That was before. Now, this kid comes here and fucks everything up!” 

Yoongi sneered, “Fuck off, Donghyuk. He’s done nothing wrong. You’re the one who’s complicating things.”

Donghyuk laughed, running his tongue along the inside of his lip. He looked towards Hoseok, shrinking in the corner of the room, biting his cheek to keep calm. Donghyuk smiled a bitter smile, turning back to Yoongi. “Ah- I see, I get it.” He shook his head, throwing open the door and storming away. Namjoon quickly followed after him to try and do damage control, quietly shutting the door behind him. 

Hoseok slumped forward, covering his eyes. He was so focused on breathing correctly he barely registered the sound of the chair's wheels sliding across the floor, until there was a hand on his shoulder, a gentle voice calling his name. 

“Don’t listen to a word he says, Seok-ah. You’ve only added to our team, nothing less.”

Hoseok choked on the pit in his throat as Yoongi pressed comforting circles into his shoulder blades, massaging the worry and stress away. 

“But he’s- he's right, Hyung. I can’t- I’ve never rapped in my life.” 

Yoongi hummed, before knocking their knees together. “Then I’ll teach you. That okay? I can teach you and you’ll be great.” He reassured, using his other hand to gently remove Hoseok’s hand from over his eyes, looking into them. “This life isn’t easy, but you know that. I know you’re having a hard time. But you’re gonna be okay. And when you feel like it’s too much, just come to Hyung.” He smiled, leaning back a little. “I noticed you like watching me work. You can come in here whenever you’d like. I enjoy your company.” 

Hoseok wiped his eyes, trying not to blush too hard. “Really?” 

“Really.” 

Breathing deep Hoseok mustered a smile, trying to believe the boy in front of him. The past week had been confusing, twisting up and getting tangled in Hoseok’s mind. Bangtan had been doing fine before Hoseok arrived, did they really need him there?

(They did.)

“Let me teach you to rap, Hoseok-ah, hm? I’ll go slow, and I’d like to think I’m pretty patient.” Yoongi smiled, rolling back over to the desktop. Hoseok met him there, kneeling on the ground beside him. 

After some clicking around countless files that really all looked the same, Yoongi stopped on one particular audio file titled “cypher.”

“This ones one of my favorites. I really hope we can use it in an album or mixtape someday.” He opened the file, moving around, skipping the first half of the song. “It’s not finished yet, but sometimes we pull it up to freestyle.”

Hoseok nodded away, attentive. The older boy cleared his throat once, twice, before pressing play. He smiled, getting a feel for the beat, moving his body back and forth. He encouraged Hoseok to join in, which was no problem for the dancer, but he laughed anyways. Soon enough Yoongi took hold of the song, writing as he went, spitting words out to create images and stories out of thin air. Hoseok sat back in wonder, watching the song take shape with his own two eyes.

By the song’s conclusion Hoseok was completely blown away, and when Yoongi turned to find his eyes bulging and jaw dropped he fell into a fit of happy laughter, red painting his cheeks. 

Hoseok wished he could ask Yoongi to do it again, and then again after that, and again and again. He found himself wishing he could sit with Yoongi forever, listening to his laugh, gazing at him in his zone. What a strange thought to have about someone you just met.

They went through song after song, and eventually Hoseok joined in like it was natural. He fit right between Yoongi’s lines, rapping meaningless poetry into the space between them. They both ended up hunched over, cracking up over some stupid pun or terrible line they stuck to the music.

It was perfect, really. Hoseok had completely forgotten about the mishaps earlier in the day. Had forgotten the fact he wouldn’t see his family for the holidays, forgotten that fear each of them had. Because Yoongi was sitting next to him, eyes kind and laugh light, ready to stay by his side. 

(He would always stay by his side.)

They ended up spending countless nights like this, exchanging lines, chuckling through rap battles. They’d take it to the dorms, where Namjoon and Donghyuk joined in, the four of them rapping the night away together. It brought them together in a way they couldn’t deny. Donghyuk still struggled through dance, but knowing Hoseok was learning to rap faster than you could believe soothed his fears, leading him to be a little more open to the changes they were faced with. 

It felt like things were finally going well again, and when Shihyuk came to evaluate their progress on the last day before New Years, they actually had something to show. The man smiled, patting them each on the back. 

“You’ve done well.” 

-

What was cold then, was even colder now.

It was December 31st, 2010, and Hoseok felt sick.

The morning had been like any other, waking up to distant chatter alongside a new beat deformed by the bedroom door. Hoseok wrapped himself tighter in his blanket, feeling a headache coming on. They had stayed up all night the night before; freestyling, writing, laughing. But that’s over now.

Hoseok was warm, lying in bed, all tucked in with his cheeks pressed against the pillow, his blanket wrapped completely around him. But as soon as he stepped out of bed, his feet froze against the hardwood floor, and he found himself shivering.

“You going back home for New Years, Hoseok?” Donghyuk had asked over breakfast, stuffing a generous amount of rice in his mouth. 

Hoseok had frowned, sliding into the barstool next to him. “Are you?”

“We all are,” Yoongi replied through a yawn, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Namjoon nodded a confirmation, standing up to wash his bowl.

“I think I’m gonna stay here.” Hoseok said, staring down at his fingers, wrapping them around each other to stay warm.

No one said anything for a moment, the only sound the clicking of Namjoon washing the dishes, until Donghyuk sighed, tapping his chopsticks on the counter.

“If that’s what you want, Hoseok. But god knows when the next time we’ll get to go back home again is.”

It wasn’t as if Hoseok wanted to stay in Seoul for the New Year, he just didn’t have the means to do anything else. Neither him nor his family could safely afford another train ticket, and frankly, Hoseok could use a little extra time in the practice room. 

It’ll be fine.

(It will.)

Everything will work out.

(Not in the way he thinks.)

The rest of the morning was, of course, different. Three out of four trainees packed their overnight bags, laughing and joking with one another, excited for the day. Hoseok sat in the front room the whole time, playing some game he downloaded on his phone, trying to drown them out. A few times Yoongi came over to see him, asking him random questions, or simply watching him for a moment before returning to the bedroom.

Hoseok didn’t want Yoongi to go.

Why? He didn’t know. 

But sure enough, by early afternoon three trainees were out the door with short goodbyes, and one was left on the couch in an eerily quiet dorm. 

It was cold.

Hoseok spent the afternoon in the studio, dancing his thoughts away. Squashing that lonely swirl in his chest with every movement of his limbs. For a while things were fine, his practice successfully distracting him from his own mind. That is, until he got a text from his sister, wishing him a happy New Year, assuring him everyone was fine at home. 

He hadn’t realized how late it had gotten until he got the notification on his phone, the hours having flown by in his time in the studio. That much he was thankful for.

With a heavy sigh and a stinging in his eyes, Hoseok shut off the lights, and made his way back home. Not home. Not really. Just back to the empty dorm.

It was later that evening, after hours of reading a book his father had recommended, over a scalding cup of tea that Hoseok’s phone began to buzz, nearly sliding off the kitchen counter. Hoseok was stunned to see Yoongi’s contact flashing on the screen, and had to remind himself to answer before the ringer gave up.

“Hyung?” 

“Hi, Hoseok-ah.” The audio was scratchy, some insistent, indecipherable sound blaring in the background. “How are you feeling?” 

Hoseok stirred his tea with a spoon, watching the honey particles swirl around in pretty patterns. “Fine, I guess.” He muttered, willing away the pinched feeling in his chest. 

There was a sigh over the line, some shuffling around, until the background noise went quiet. “Really? It’s okay if you’re not. I don’t think I would be.”

Hoseok thought on that, for a moment. In truth, he probably wasn’t okay. His time in the studio that afternoon had acted like a band-aid. But now that he’s back in the dorm, the weight of the quiet seemed to weigh down heavier on his shoulders. He wondered how Yoongi knew. 

“I’m just… kind of lonely, I guess. Stressed, maybe.” Hoseok dropped the spoon, running his fingers through his hair.

Yoongi was quiet for a moment, the only sound his breathing close to the receiver, slow and steady. 

“Have you eaten anything?” He finally asked, and Hoseok drew his eyebrows together, confused. 

“Well, no. I just had some tea, though. I guess I forgot to eat earlier.” 

Yoongi hummed. “There’s only a few hours left till midnight. You planning on staying up?” 

A sigh. “I guess so. I might as well.” Hoseok picked the spoon back up, resuming his stirring. “How are you? Are you at a party?”

“I uh, yeah, my family wanted to celebrate all together. It’s not so great. But I’ll manage.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Yoongi cleared his throat, shifting around again. “Well uhm, happy new year, Hoseok.”

Hoseok smiled weakly into his teacup, getting rather tired of wiping away tears. “Yeah. Happy new year, Yoongi Hyung.” 

The call ended with a tone, and Hoseok sighed once again, setting his phone down. It was already mostly dark outside, and Hoseok didn’t feel like reading anymore, so he set the teacup in the sink, and trudged on into the living room. Sitting on the couch with his back against the armrest he turned on the T.V. to a channel he thought would most likely have a countdown to midnight. It was simply a nice background noise, an old drama his mother used to watch. 

Soon enough Hoseok dozed off, lulled off into a fitful sleep. Dreams of choreo, of lines of music, of rap. Strange snippets of scenes, debuting, failing, falling, getting injured, losing everything he’s worked towards. 

What would 2011 mean for Bangtan?

Hoseok was jerked awake with the rattling of the doorknob. He nearly fell off the couch, heart beating right out of his chest. He checked the time; it was past ten and someone was trying to break into the dorm. 

With shaking hands Hoseok grabbed hold of an old microphone he found lying on the coffee table, and slowly made his way to the door. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was doing, his sleep muddled mind working much too slowly to fend for his life. Before he could really do anything, the door swung open, and Hoseok nearly shrieked, begging to be spared, only-

“Hyung?”

Yoongi was bundled from head to toe, a sincere smile on his face as he held up a plastic bag. “I brought chicken.” 

It was simple, really. Min Yoongi, BigHit trainee, brought chicken to his friend on New Years eve. Except it wasn’t simple at all, as Hoseok felt his heart jump in his chest, happy little butterflies erupting into action at the sight of Yoongi, wrapped tightly in a scarf, cold bitten cheeks rounded in the most adorable smile there ever was. Hoseok was touched, warm; and he felt himself begin to fall headfirst. 

Hoseok let out an airy laugh, a bright smile blooming on his face. “Thank you.” He led the older boy into the dorm, shutting the door, holding the bag while he took his shoes off. 

The pair settled together on the floor in front of the coffee table, the boxes of chicken and soda cans spread across the surface. When Hoseok looked over at his older friend, he couldn’t help but grin, Yoongi being flustered beyond belief, as if what he had just done had finally sunk in. 

“I uh… you just sounded so lonely over the phone. And I… I can’t stand the idea of you being alone.” Yoongi ducked his head, biting his lip. “So I booked the next train to Seoul, and bought some chicken on the way here.”

Hoseok’s heart jumped, “You came all the way from Daegu?”

“Yeah.” Yoongi opened the lid of one of the styrofoam boxes, avoiding eye contact at all costs. Hoseok looked down to his lap, sheepish. 

“Thank you, Hyung.” Hoseok said, just loud enough for Yoongi to hear. He was suddenly overcome with emotion for the older boy, and sucked in his bottom lip in a measly attempt to calm himself.

“Of course, Seok. You don’t say it much but I can tell you’re having a hard time adjusting to all this. It’s hard and I want to be here for you.” Yoongi slid the box over to Hoseok, silently asking him to eat. Hoseok only took in a shaky breath.

“I just - thank you, Hyung. You’ve made me feel so welcome and comfortable and-“ the younger trainee’s voice cracked, and he felt that all too familiar wetness in his eyes. “I’m just so glad I met you, I guess.” 

“I’m glad I met you too, Seok-ah.” Yoongi replied, honest and simple and sweet.

Hoseok ran a hand across his eyes, stealing a glance at Yoongi. There, next to him on the dorm room floor, sat someone who understood Hoseok’s silent suffering. There sat someone who was passionate, and talented, and bright. Someone who had starlight dusted all over him, warmth and compassion and kindness. He looked beautiful, all too perfect with his messily cut hair, tired eyes, the blinking lights shading his skin. Pretty.

Hoseok was falling.

(Without even realizing it.)

Yoongi smiled softly, nudging at the chicken again. “Stop crying and eat your chicken, Hoseok-ah. You’ll get the breading all soggy if you keep doing that.”

Hoseok chuckled wetly, before doing as told. Together they nibbled on all types of chicken, Yoongi explaining he didn’t know which was Hoseok’s favorite, so he got all the most popular flavors. They sat for the last few hours of 2010 together, thighs and fingers brushing under the table, exchanging pointless stories and meaningful lyrics.

Despite the rough start, Hoseok thought this might have been one of the best New Years yet. 

“The countdown is starting!” Yoongi suddenly said, pointing to the T.V., before turning up the volume. They still had about two minutes left, the announcer talking about this and that in her overly excited announcer way. 

2010 had brought many changes to Hoseok’s life. Auditions, competitions, prize money, moving to Seoul, becoming a member of Bangtan. So many things can happen in a single year, and he found himself pondering on 2011, rolling it around, testing it in his mind. 

“Hyung, do you think 2011 will be a good year?” Hoseok asked softly, rubbing his knee with the butt of his hand. 

Yoongi sighed, contemplative. “I hope so. I really hope so.” 

Hoseok nodded. “Thank you for becoming a trainee, Yoongi Hyung. No matter what happens, I hope we know each other for a long time.” He spoke softly, but loud enough for his words to be carried carefully through the air to Yoongi’s ears. 

At the same moment both boys turned to the other, small smiles on each of their faces. 

“Me too, Hoseok-ah. I hope we do.” 

(They will.)

Yoongi was gazing back at him with such a fond expression on his face that Hoseok nearly leaned in right then and there, but before anything could happen the announcer’s shrill voice drew their eyes back to the screen, and Yoongi withdrew his hand.

“We’re just thirty seconds away from 2011, are you ready?” She asked, staring into the camera with a wide smile.

Ready? 

The countdown began; twenty seconds away.

Hoseok smiled, a smile filled with many things he didn’t know how to describe in words. His longing for home, his aching for his family, his fear of the future. But also held in that smile, was an excitement, and a sparkling warmth, something a little like hope.

Ready?

Hoseok thought, with someone like Yoongi by his side, well, he’d be ready for anything.

The woman cheered, throwing a handful of confetti towards the camera as the clock struck midnight, the sign of the new year. Yoongi poked at Hoseok’s side to get his attention, a sudden gum filled smile overtaking his face.

“Happy new year, Hoseok-ah.” He picked up two of the soda cans, handing one to Hoseok to clink them together. “To the many great things 2011 will bring to us.” 

Ready. 

Hoseok giggled, taking a long sip from the can before setting it down. They spent the rest of the night bickering, chatting, making fun of the characters in the drama that started playing after midnight. Soon enough, though, they were both nodding off, Hoseok even drifting off on Yoongi’s shoulder at one point, too far gone to feel any semblance of shyness. Yoongi then made the executive order that they both try and sleep, and without another word, the two quickly got ready, and went off to bed.

But, lying in the dark, Hoseok found that sleep wouldn’t come as easily as before. Sitting next to Yoongi on the living room floor had been so warm, so comforting. And now, Hoseok felt uncomfortable stuffed between his sheets, every bit of him already missing the other boy.

“Hyung?” Hoseok whispered, not wanting to disturb the quiet of the night. Yoongi hummed, sleep quickly catching up to him. Hoseok bit his cheek. “Can I… can I come sleep with you?” 

Yoongi didn’t respond for a moment, and Hoseok laid with bated breath. Yoongi rustled around, before whispering back. 

“Come here.” 

The air was cool when Hoseok slipped out of his own bed and crossed the room to Yoongi’s. But it was almost criminal, how comfortable he felt after tucking in next to Yoongi, sharing warmth with the other trainee. They moved around for a bit, awkwardly trying to get comfortable, before settling on lying face to face, Yoongi’s arm tentatively draped around Hoseok’s middle, his hand resting on the pillow by his cheek. 

“This okay?” He whispered, eyes carefully watching Hoseok’s face. Hoseok nodded, scooting in just a bit closer. For warmth, of course. 

Hoseok let out a puff of air, his insides twisting around at his next question. “Can you, uhm… I like it when people play with my hair.” 

Yoongi breathed in a low breath, before wordlessly doing as such, running slender fingers through the strands of Hoseok’s hair. 

Hoseok felt himself melt into the touch, instantly relaxing with a languid smile. Yoongi watched him fondly, stifling a yawn with his other hand.

“Sleep well, Seok Seok-ah.” He whispered.

The younger trainee sighed, finally drifting off into a sweet sleep.