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Gordon eyed the calendar, despite it being absolutely useless to him due to it being left three months behind. The date it was left on was July 12th. It had no special indicators for the date beyond a red X.
"are you gonna play or not?"
"Oh!" Gordon looked over at the tv, a new round of the game he and Benrey had been playing had started.
"starin' at the wall n' shit. gonna beat your ass 'cause you fuckin," Benrey trailed and looked at Gordon, smacking his lips. "baby-brained fuckin' idiot."
Gordon's cheeks flushed and he pushed Benrey, as if it was a simple reflex. "Fuck you, man. I wasn't looking at the wall."
"yes you were. saw you lookin' at the wall." Benrey played the game without looking, his eyes still locked on Gordon. "colors an' shit, lookin' at fuckin' uuuuhhhh… colors. shapes. like a little baby. baby freeman."
Gordon laughed, his hand resting on Benrey's shoulder. "I'M the baby?"
"yeah. wah wah, little babyman." Benrey smiled, glancing to the game then back to Gordon. He was playing it pretty good for him to be playing it with one hand. "stupid lil baby, shapes and. fuck." he looked back at the screen, where Gordon had just killed him.
"HA!" Gordon raised his fist in victory. "I got your ass!"
"bbb. no biggy. this is on easy mode, bro."
"There's no fucking easy mode, dude," Gordon's brows furrowed as he rolled his eyes. "There can't be an easy mode if it's just us playing."
"uuhhh yea. there can be. i put it on easy mode, bro, make it easy for baby feetman to get his game on."
"Benrey, there's no easy mode." Gordon gestured at the screen. "See? No easy mode, man." Gordon grabbed Benrey by the shoulder, smile oozing with confidence. "I just kicked your ass."
Benrey flopped backwards onto his bed, mouth pulled into a tight frown.
"BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB."
Gordon sighed, watching Benrey spit blue and red.
"Y'know what, man? You're the baby."
Pure red.
"You're really this worked up because I won a game you weren't even LOOKING at, man?" Gordon got on his hands and knees, looking Benrey in the face. "Baby behavior. Cringe." he emphasized the last word with a hand gesture.
"broooooooo don't call me cringe… not cringe, bro, c'mon," Benrey's face twisted in a way Gordon couldn't quite decipher. "i'm cool i'm epic. epic gamer. epic gamer moments compilation NOT cringe no stream sniping, bro, liiikkee uuhhh."
Gordon wheezed, head dropping as he guffawed at Benrey just being himself. Benrey grinned, watching Gordon drop his forehead onto the bed, trying to stifle his laughter.
"aw what's so funny man? you- you uh… findin' this funny? my suffering? comedy?" Benrey looked up at the ceiling. "all the worlds a play shit, bro. fuckin uuuhhh." he blinked. "yeah?"
Gordon pulled his face up from the bed, he hadn't been paying attention to what Benrey was saying.
"Your blanket smells bad." he said. "You need to wash it soon."
Benrey furrowed his brow, his mouth back in a tight frown. All he could provide in return was a grunt of acknowledgement. Gordon laid on his back, hissing in protest as his back painfully straightened out.
"you good?"
"Yeah, yeah, just uh. Just sitting up for too long."
"uuhh. massage?"
"Wh-" Gordon turned his head to face Benrey. "No? I just laid down. Plus, I don't want you touching up on me like that."
"damn. don't even trust a bro?" Benrey made sure not to make eye contact. Felt weird. "that's uuuh. not pog."
"No, I just don't want you touching my naked back."
"woah, huh? never said you uh. had to strip, man. just offered a massage, man, damn. freaky ass shit,"
"Wouldn't it be hard to do that with a shirt on?" Gordon's face flushed, God, had he really just assumed something like that?
"nah, not really." Benrey shrugged. "but if you don't want me doin' that it's chill."
Gordon looked away, eyes meeting with the old calendar again.
"I'd rather not."
"alright. cool, cool." Benrey smacked his lips, then looked at Gordon. "i can give you some uh… medicine too. got pain pills in my drawer."
Gordon's eyes widened and he turned to face Benrey so quick it made him flinch away, taken aback from the sudden eye contact. Gordon grunted in pain, a sharp stinging sensation in his shoulder blades.
"You have WHAT?"
"uh. pain pills?" sweat beaded on Benrey's forehead. "prescribed, man, why are you freaking out?"
"I." Gordon ran a hand through his hair, sighing at the cool metal of his prosthetic. "You have a prescription?"
"yeah? i got a fucked up spine, man." Benrey looked away, smacking his lips a few times. "plus uuuh. the uh." sweat rolled down his forehead. "that door shit. didn't help it."
"Oh," Gordon looked away, back up at the calendar. "I, uh… I didn't know that."
"never told you." Benrey shrugged.
"Why?"
Benrey looked up. His mouth was dry.
"I mean, it's your business, but like… we live together? So it's a little weird to me." Gordon focused on the colors on the calendar. Bright purples and yellows.
Benrey didn't speak. He traced the pattern of his ceiling with his eyes, feeling tired.
The calendar was a photo of two cats. Their bright fur was surrounded by pink and orange flowers. Gordon wondered if Benrey had gotten this calendar for himself, or if it was a gift. He wondered who would give Benrey something like that, if it was something ironic or if he just really didn't know what Benrey actually enjoyed.
A red X over July the 12th.
He couldn't remember anything special about that date, truly. Maybe Benrey just forgot to continue marking the date. Maybe he just liked the cats most. Or the flowers.
"... Hey, Benrey?"
"bb?"
"Why, uh… What's up with your calendar?"
Benrey turned and looked at it, what Gordon had been so focused on.
"its uh. animals n shit."
"No, I know that," Gordon sighed. "I meant why is it so far behind?"
"oh." was all Benrey said at first.
Gordon shifted in the bed, in the back of his mind thinking of how soft it was compared to his own.
"Did something happen on the 12th?"
Benrey's mouth hung open, his eyes locked on the calendar. Sweat dripping from his forehead.
"... Benrey?"
"that was a bad day." Benrey said, eyes locked on the date.
Gordon stayed still, looking at Benrey with concern, feeling as if any movement would somehow break Benrey. His stare was distant, and his eyes wide.
"What do you mean?" Gordon's voice was quiet, gentle as if he was approaching a wild animal. "Benrey, are you okay?"
Benrey's forehead was visibly wet, and he smacked his lips dryly. Gordon scooted closer, looking at Benrey intently. Benrey looked back, his eyes akin to a spooked animal.
"Benrey, what's wrong?"
"... don't uuh. don't freak it?"
Gordon smiled, stifling a giggle at the phrasing. "Of course, man."
Benrey looked away, contemplative.
"i uuhh. fuck bro… this is so cringe. fail mental health moments, yknow? cringe ass fail gamer moments? stream sniped?"
Gordon gave Benrey a concerned, confused look.
"uh. i dunno how to say it, dude." Benrey rolled over, looking at the ceiling again. "shit day. everything just kinda, uh. fucked up. metal illness. uuuhh." he smacked his lips again, his stomach twisting in knots. "kinda… took too much. trying to. uh. y'know what happens, but uuuhh. idk. didn't work. not enough or some shit." he spoke fast, his voice getting heavier and more unsteady with every word.
Gordon's heart dropped.
"I… holy shit, man," his voice was low and sad.
"can't even kill myself right. live laugh love, cringe. die cry hate, heart emoji."
"Come… come on, man, don't say that." Gordon laid a hand on Benrey's shoulder. "I'm sorry,"
Benrey spat orbs of dark, almost black, blue orbs.
"That probably… doesn't help. Sorry." Gordon winced at yet another apology before patting Benrey on the chest. "I'm, uh… glad it didn't work." he looked away, eyes focusing on nothing. "I'm glad you're here."
Benrey didn't reply, instead just continuing to look upwards.
I'm glad you're here.
A choked sob escaped him as tears fell, dampening his greasy hair and ears, and stinging his eyes.
"Benrey?"
The sob turned into a wail, almost an entire year's worth of pain unravelling in his chest. I'm glad you're here. The words echoed in his mind, filling him with a sense of bittersweet relief. His face felt heavy, snot beginning to drain from his nose, messy and wet.
Gordon pulled Benrey into his arms, allowing the other man to cry into his chest. Benrey slipped his arms around Gordon in return, pressing himself into him. Gordon, rubbing circles into Benrey's back, pressed a kiss to his forehead. Benrey curled in, shutting his eyes tight, taking in every ounce of love Gordon gave him.
"thank you..." Benrey croaked, pressing his face into Gordon's chest.
"Huh?" Gordon snapped out of his thoughts, looking to Benrey. "Oh. Hey, man?" he felt a nod in his chest. "You ain't gotta tell me anything right now. But, uh… at some point, if you want, we can… talk some more. Uh, about this. Y'know?" another nod, and a firm squeeze. "I can give you my therapists number, if you want."
"mhm…"
"Are you tired now?"
"mhm."
"Alright," Gordon shifted, prying Benrey from his arms, much to the disdain of Benrey, who groaned and tried to grab back onto Gordon. "Hold on, man, we gotta get out of these clothes." he said, peeling off his damp shirt and tossing it to the laundry basket, and Benrey followed, making sure not to look at Gordon.
"Get off the blanket." Gordon said, making a flipping sort of gesture with his hand. "Uh, please?"
"oh," Benrey stood, watching Gordon pull the blanket to the end.
"Get in..." Benrey nodded, slipping into bed. "And," Gordon got into bed too, pulling up the blanket over the two of them. "There we go."
Benrey froze, unsure of what to do.
"uh." Benrey felt loose, unsure. "um. cuddle…?"
"Huh?"
Benrey's cheeks flushed.
"bro cuddle?"
Gordon smiled, and pulled Benrey closer.
"Hell yeah, man."
And in his arms, Benrey felt secure.