Chapter Text
The year is 2015, and Big Kaworu Rush is the most popular band in TOKYO-3. The hit band is currently singing on stage as they are broadcast on televisions all over Japan. Crowds surround every screen in sight, as Kaworu Nagisa, Yandere Dev, and the other Angels utterly rock out.
However, on one smaller screen, on a fairly unpopulated street of Tokyo-3, another band is playing. 01 Direction.
---
The local radio broadcast it’s message for all of Tokyo-3 to hear, “Today, at 12:30, a state of special emergency has been declared all over Kanto and Chubu districts around the Tokai districts. Please go attend the [BATTLE OF THE BANDS] in the designated areas. For this event, all lines will be out of service. Again, please…” however, nobody was listening to the radio.
It was all about Big Kaworu Rush vs 01 Direction today.
---
“Why, of all times, why have I missed him now?!” A purple haired woman exclaimed, driving down the roads of the Japanese city in a rush, “What am I going to do?” she continued.
The young woman glanced at a small photo that was clipped to a stack of papers on her dashboard and sighed. “Shinji Ikari.”
---
“All normal lines are out of order due to the state of special emergency. We are sorry for your inconvenience, thank you for using Tokyo-3 phones!” a robotic voice chipped from the tinny speakers of a cell phone.
The boy holding it sighed, “Out of order… I shouldn't have come here after all. There’s not even any phone service here...” he wallowed, extremely upset that he was unable to even look at Tumblr over a “Special State of Emergency”.
“I may not be able to meet her.” The brown haired boy noted to himself, “I guess I can't help it...” he turned his head absentmindedly, surprised to see what he did on the screen before him.
Big Kaworu Rush and 01 Direction were currently in a battle of the bands, and he was utterly entranced.
The lead singer of Big Kaworu Rush, Kaworu Nagisa, was currently singing his latest hit song, Angel Attack. It had been topping the charts for almost 3 weeks at this point, and didn’t seem like it was going to stop.
He stared in awe, unable to imagine being in a band such as that.
He also began to blush, because yoooo 😳 Kaworu doe.
---
Meanwhile, NERV headquarters investigated the sudden appearance of a new band that was topping the charts.
“An unidentified band started playing in Tokyo-3! They seem to have special effects similar to Big Kaworu Rush’s from fifteen years back. Don’t tell me…”
“It’s been fifteen years since Big Kaworu Rush suddenly disappeared from the spotlight after their hit single, Second Impact. How did they suddenly appear again?”
“Not just that, but the two main singers, Adam and Lilith are nowhere to be found! Instead, their main singer is what appears to be a fifteen year old boy with white hair!”
Gendo looked over at the screen. “Big Kaworu Rush has reunited once more…”
---
01 Direction was trying their absolute hardest to keep up with the other band, but sadly, with only two members, it was hard to keep an audience looking your way.
“All stage effects launched!” A stage operator yelled behind the scenes, it could be heard faintly through the speakers of the display, seeing as NERV wasn’t really good enough to know how to edit that out.
“W-woah!” The boy exclaimed, before suddenly being interrupted by the screeching tires of a blue car.
A woman with dark brown eyes opened the door, “Hey, Shinji, get in!” she said, “Sorry to have kept you waiting, I’m Misato Katsuragi.” Shinji climbed into the passenger seat with hesitation, not wanting to stop watching the Battle of the Bands.
---
“The band is still continuing their concert. All of TOKYO-3 is watching them,” one of the producers spoke, however this was not true, seeing as most displays were showing Big Kaworu Rush at this point.
“We can’t even get any of the crowd’s attention with special effects. At this point, 01 direction will be completely overshadowed by Big Kaworu Rush’s return!”
“Use all of the special effects in our arsenal! Don’t hold back, we need to get the audience’s attention on 01 direction!” the executive yelled out.
Even the display of the expensive special effects that took over the entire stage had no effect on the crowd. They barely batted an eye toward 01 direction.
“Why? Those special effects should’ve attracted the attention of at least some of the crowd!”
“The special effects didn’t work at all. Even the fireworks that we shot off had no effect…” the producer sighed.
“Useless! With the displays that Big Kaworu Rush are showing, we’ll get nowhere!”
“They’re using the AT field as expected,” Fuyutsuki said. “As I thought, our special effects pale in comparison to theirs.”
“As I thought, normal stage displays have no effect compared to Big Kaworu Rush’s visuals,” Gendo said.
“There’s no other way. We’ll just have to use our trump card,” one of the executives said before making a phone call. “Use the N2 bomb.”
“Yes sir. We’ll employ it as previously arranged,” the effects operator said on the other line of the phone.
---
In the distance, Misato could see clearly how badly 01 Direction was faring against Big Kaworu Rush. “Wait, don’t tell me…” Misato said, quickly putting on her field glasses. “They’re going to use the N2 bomb?! Shinji, look up!”
A loud boom was felt throughout the entire city, making the stage seem like it exploded. The audience even started cheering in excitement for 01 Direction. Big Kaworu Rush stopped for a second, impressed by 01 Direction’s display.
Asuka and Rei looked at each other and nodded and started singing louder than before, taking their chance to grab the audience’s attention.
---
“We did it!” The staff at NERV HQ triumphed after a successful effect, it had impressed even Big Kaworu Rush, and nobody was expecting it.
“THERE’S A SHOCKWAVE COMING, AS WELL!” someone pointed out, examining the screen. Maybe 01 Direction could win after all…
---
“Shinji, are you okay? I know that was your first time seeing such a big effect,” Misato said.
“Yes, but everything tastes like orange juice,” Shinji replied.
“That’s good! Are you ready?” Misato asked, looking at their overturned car that flipped over from the SHEER AWESOMENESS of the N2 bomb. Shinji nodded.
“Alright, Here goes!” Misato said before they both flipped over the car successfully.
“Thanks a lot,” Misato said, grinning at Shinji. “You did a good job.”
“Miss Katsuragi…” Shinji said.
“Call me Misato.”
---
“How is the target?” one of the producers yelled out, unhappy with 01 Direction’s performance so far.
“It can't be captured due to radio wave obstruction...” the effect operators explained, working as hard as they could to make the band a success.
Another producer chimed in, “It was such a massive effect… but it has been brought to an end.” he said in a somber tone, unhappy to see it over with.
“Sensors are working- Visuals regained- Oh!!” the operators were shocked, 01 Direction wasn’t beating Big Kaworu Rush at all!
“It was our trump card... This is unbelievable…”
---
While Misato was driving her now broken car, she made a phone call to NERV labels. “Sure. Don't worry. He is under my protection at top priority. Prepare a car train for us. A linear one, please. Yes. I'll bear the full responsibility for him because it was my idea to meet him in the first place. Bye.”
‘This is terrible… I just restored my car and now it’s broken again!’ Misato thought. ‘33 loan payments to go, not to mention the repair costs… What’s even worse, my only good clothes are ruined!’
“Misato?” Shinji said.
‘I was in such a good mood earlier too… My goodness…’ Misato thought.
“Misato…” Shinji said.
“Huh, what did you say?” Misato said, turning to shinji.
“Is it okay that you did such a thing…?” Shinji said, pointing to the car batteries she stole.
“Don’t worry, it’s totally okay! It’s an emergency after all. How else are we going to get the car to run?” Misato reassured Shinji. “Plus, I’m the talent manager under NERV labels even if I don’t look like it.”
“That doesn’t seem like a good excuse though,” Shinji said.
“Are you angry?” Misato said. “Listen Shinji, people steal all the time. In fact, NERV steals from the government by refusing to pay taxes! Don’t worry about it, alright?”
“NERV does what-” Shinji said before stopping when Misato makes a sharp turn.
---
Fuyutsuki sighed, “Big Kaworu rush is regenerating its audience at record speeds.” he grimaced, “As we expected.”
Gendo scoffed, “Of course, they wouldn’t be this popular otherwise.” he did his gendo-pose seriously.
Fuyutsuki looked at the display, “I’m impressed, they can amplify their own stage effects as well.” before turning back to Gendo. “Yes, Seele labels are very intelligent with stage effects...” he replied.
“It’s only a matter of time until their next hit single…”
---
“The gate is closing. Attention, please. The train is about to depart. This train …” an announcement boomed over the speakers, Still unable to get the attention of anyone due to the event currently being held.
Shinji looked at where they were. “NERV records...?” he questioned Misato, looking at her in confusion.
The purple haired woman smiled and replied calmly, “Yep, it’s in charge of a bunch of popular bands! Like... uh…” she was unable to think of any popular bands that NERV was actually in charge of.
“Like the band my father used to belong to…” Shinji muttered under his breath, thinking back to memories he could barely remember.
They continued walking within the NERV hq building as they talked, “Yeah, well, do you know what he does now?” Misato asked him slyly as they turned another corner.
“Is he, like… the boss or something?”
“You got it.”
---
Gendo stood before the three executives in NERV headquarters. “You will be in charge of 01 Direction’s live performance now. We’ll watch how you deal with it,” one of the executives said.
“Yes, sir.”
“Thinking of our available special effects, I’ll have to admit they would have no impact with the crowd.”
“Are you confident you can outshine Big Kaworu Rush?”
“NERV is known as the best talent label. I am confident in my abilities,” Gendo said, doing his Gendo pose once more.
“We expect much from you,” the third executive said before mysteriously disappearing in the background.
“The audience is still glued to Big Kaworu Rush’s performance. Only 2% of the audience is paying attention to 01 Direction. The chance of 01 Direction winning the Battle of the Bands is 7.5%.”
“Get guitar 01 out.”
“Guitar 01? We have no one who can play it though. Nobody in NERV is gay enough to play Yui’s old guitar!”
“No problem. We already found someone suitable enough to play it…” Gendo said, striking his Gendo pose once more. “Shinji Ikari.”
---
Shinji and Misato were sitting silently in Misato's car, riding along the car train within the headquarters. “Are we going to where my father is?” the boy asked, staring out the window at nothing in particular.
“Well, yes, we are.” Misato answered him simply, hearing shinji whisper something to himself. “By the way, were you given an ID by your father?” she broke up the awkward tension as best she could.
“Oh, yes” Shinji said, “Here it is.” He handed the small ID to her, before being given something else.
“Thanks, read this!” the brown eyed woman smiled at him, handing him a piece of paper.
Shinji stared at it in confusion, “It's about my father's work... Is there something he wants me to do?” he pondered, “I can't say I'm surprised. He never writes to me... unless he wants me to do something for him.” the brown haired teenager continued to talk to himself as he skimmed over the paper in his hands.
Misato nodded along, half-listening to him, until a sudden change of scenery appeared.
“Woah!! It's really Bruh-City!” he gasped, looking out the car’s window in excitement at the underground base.
“That’s right! This is where a lot of the workers at NERV labels live, it’s like an entire town down here.” She explained to him, “It’s also where we do research on stage effects” Misato grinned, looking down at the city.
---
“That’s strange. I’m sure this is the right way…” Misato said, looking at google maps on her phone. “Where is Ritsuko?”
“Misato, I think we already passed through the same place three times already,” Shinji said.
“I doubt that…” Misato said before stopping to think. “Actually, you’re probably right. Don’t worry, all systems are meant to be used!”
“Announcement: Music producer Akagi Ritsuko at section 1 of the technical department, Akagi Ritsuko. Please pick up your lost child, Katsuragi Misato.”
Ritsuko Akagi, one of the music producers of 01 Direction, was called in to find Misato.
“I can’t believe she’s gotten lost again,” The woman groaned to herself, in disbelief that she has to rescue her about every other day in the place that they’ve both worked for some time now.
---
Misato jumped, “Uhmm, hi- uh, hi Ritsuko...” she stuttered as Ritsuko entered the elevator they were standing in, smiling nervously at her girlfriend who had already had to find her 3 times in the past week.
“We are short of hands and time, Manager Katsuragi!” Ritsuko huffed, still trying to maintain professionalism, “You can’t keep getting lost like this!” she exclaimed, kissing her girlfriend, now no longer trying to maintain professionalism.
Misato grinned at her, “Sorry…”
“Umm.. hi...”
She gasped, upset at herself for forgetting that there was someone else in the elevator with them. “Oh! This is Shinji, he’s the third child.”
Ritsuko nodded, “I see, nice to meet you.” shaking his hand.
The brown eyed woman leaned over and whispered to the blonde, “He’s a lot like his dad… neither are all that loveable.” she smiled.
Meanwhile while all of this was going on, Gendo was descending down a lift while elevator music was playing. To not waste any time while he was waiting for the lift to reach its destination, he started practicing his Gendo poses.
---
“Red alert! I repeat, red alert, everyone!” A woman shouted in the distance, “Big Kaworu Rush’s audience approval rating keeps improving, 01 Direction is losing the battle!” she finished, her voice was in extreme panic.
The bangers were just too strong.
Misato’s jaw dropped, “Did you hear what she just said?” she asked Ritsuko.
“Yes, this is very serious...” the blonde haired woman replied as they stood on Bruh-City lift.
The purple haired woman continued talking, “How is guitar 01? She pondered, Shinji was standing behind them at the time, not really listening to anything they said.
“It’s been equipped with a B-type stage effect, at the moment. We’re feeding all the gay energy we can find so we can get it to work,” She replied to her girlfriend seriously.
“Does that really work? I heard there’s no one gay enough to play it,” Misato gasped.
The blonde sighed, “The possibility of it working is 0.000000001%.” She said. Misato frowned, “So it won’t work?”
“The number isn’t zero, don’t be rude.” Ritsuko said, looking at Shinji. “I have a feeling it’ll work for him.”
Shinji thought back to when he saw Kaworu on Da Big Screen, his gay levels had been increased today...
---
“Uhh… it’s.. It’s pitch dark in here… um…” Shinji talked loudly, trying to find his bearings as the large room he was in echoed back to him.
Suddenly, the lights turned on in a flash.
Gendo stood before him, holding something in his hands. It was his mother's old rock guitar. The guitar Yui used to play in the old 01 Direction.
Guitar 01.
Shinji screamed in surprise, having not seen his father in years, it was a bit startling to find him holding a rock guitar that once belonged to his estranged lesbian mother.
“It’s… a rock guitar…” He whispered to himself.
Ritsuko nodded her head in agreement, “This is the guitar that used to belong to your mother, Yui Ikari.” She began to explain. “it can only be played by someone with Gay Levels over 60%.”
The brown haired teenager looked at her in confusion, “Is this my father's work?” wondering what he really did, he had never heard that there’s such a thing as a gay-only guitar.
“Yes.” Gendo said solemnly. “It’s been a long time.”
Shinji frowned, “Father…” he muttered to himself quietly.
“Hey… are we going to have to use guitar 01?” Misato asked in a hurry, confused by the situation all of the sudden.
Ritsuko turned to her and said, “We have no other choice.”
“Well- Rei can’t use it! And we have nobody else!” Misato exclaimed, her voice beginning to raise. The blue haired girl had gotten injured from rocking out on the triangle in a vain attempt to defeat Big Kaworu Rush.
The blonde haired music producer answered her simply, “One has just been delivered.” she said.
The purple haired manager was dumbfounded. “Are you serious?”
“Shinji Ikari, you are going to play the rock guitar.” Ritsuko told him.
Misato flailed her arms to attempt to make a point of how confusing everything was to her, “But it took over seven months for Rei to learn the triangle!” She yelled. “How will Shinji learn the rock guitar now?!”
“Take a seat, Manager Katsuragi,” Ritsuko told her. “We’ll handle this.”
“But...”
Ritsuko sighed, “Right now, we have no choice. Defeating Big Kaworu Rush in this Battle of the Bands has taken top priority.” she said, looking at the rock guitar with sadness in her eyes.
The purple haired woman agreed, “You may be right…” she said, her voice now much more quiet than before.
Shinji interrupted suddenly, “Why did you call me?!” He asked his father.
“For the exact reason you think. Your levels of gay.” Gendo replied, standing tall before him.
“You… you want me to play the guitar!? Against that other band!?”
Gendo nodded. “Yes.”
Shinji started crying like the little waaaaaaa baby he is. “I thought you didn’t want me!!”
“I called you here because I need you for this now.” Gendo said, “Because others can’t play this.” he pushed his glasses up in typical Gendo-fashion.
The teenager looked down at his feet, “But I can’t play the rock guitar…” he cried. Waaa.
The NERV labels CEO looked at him seriously. “You either play the rock guitar, or you get out,” he said sternly. “Stop wasting time.”
The men guarding the room looked around nervously, glancing at the displays on their Apple Watches™ at 01 Direction being utterly defeated in the Battle of the Bands.
Music could be heard in every last crevice of NERV hq, everyone's eyes were glued to the screens due to the absolute bops that Big Kaworu Rush was producing.
Ritsuko frowned, “We have no time, Shinji,” she began, “Big Kaworu Rush is going to win at this rate.” the blonde finished, looking at her Apple Watch™ for one last time.
“Get in the band, Shinji” Misato stated coldly, suddenly realizing the grave seriousness of the situation.
“I can’t, I can't do that!” he cried, like the little crybaby he is. He went waaaaa.
Misato tapped her foot, “You mustn't run away!” she exclaimed.
The brown haired teenager just kept on waaaaa-ing. “But i can’t play the gay rock guitar… I just can’t….”
“Fuyusuki, wake up Rei.” Said Gendo, striking his Gendo pose.
“Is she available?” Fuyutsuki asked, reminded of how badly hurt Rei was from rocking it out on the triangle.
“She’s alive at the very least,” Gendo said.
“...Alright. I’ll go get Rei,” Fuyutsuki said.
“Our spare guitarist turned out to be useless,” Gendo said.
“Reconfigure the system of Guitar 01 for Rei! Restart!” Ritsuko commanded.
“Yes ma’am. I’ll stop the current process and restart it,” the tech guy at NERV labels said.
“I’m unnecessary as I expected…” Shinji said, once again being a crybaby. Suddenly, Rei was rolled in with someone pushing her hospital bed. Her arm was broken and wrapped in a cast after playing the triangle too energetically.
The ground started shaking from the awesome sauce soundwaves coming from Big Kaworu Rush’s performance. Rei was vibing so hard to the music she almost fell out of the bed. “Watch out!” Shinji yelled and grabbed guitar 01.
Shinji suddenly started playing guitar 01, making Rei regain her balance and not fall off. He started shredding on the guitar even though he never played a guitar before in his life! How could this BE?
“Guitar 01 was able to be played?! What’s the matter with it?”
“It’s impossible! Guitar 01 isn’t even plugged into the amp! It shouldn’t be able to make any sound!” Ritsuko said in disbelief.
“It played even though we haven’t tested the percentage of his gay levels… Shinji can do it!” Misato said.
Shinji stopped playing and ran over to Rei to check if she was okay from vibing so hard. He saw Rei was suffering intensely from bobbing her head up and down to hard.
Don’t run away, don’t run away, don’t run away… Shinji thought, fighting against his crybaby instincts.
“I’ll do it. I’ll play the gay rock guitar™,” Shinji said.
---
The staff of NERV were chattering amongst themselves as they fitted the rock guitar strap to Shinji. He wasn’t able to wear the Band Costume™, there just wasn’t any time, but he could do the next best thing.
Which is a custom guitar strap.
Shinji was rushed to the backstage, and he suddenly felt a wave of… orange juice? Crash over is subconscious.
“Wh-what is this?” He asked, it felt strange and unnatural, like instead of drinking juice, BEING JUICE.
“Don’t worry, this is normal!” one of the NERV employees reassured him, “It’s called LCL, we don’t know what it is either.” he said.
“Ugh...I feel sick...” he replied, clearly kinning Asuka at the end of cult classic 1997 movie The End Of Evangelion.
Misato cheered him on semi-enthusiastically, “Go and rock it with that gay rock guitar, Shinji!” she yelled, before he was pushed on the stage in a rush.
---
Shinji overheard the NERV staff talk about a bunch of science stuff he didn’t understand while they were attaching the guitar to him.
“Connect the mutual lines. The rate of synchronization is 60.5%,” Maya said.
“Great! I knew Shinji’s gay levels would surprass 50%!” Ritsuko said.
The NERV staff continued talking about a bunch of science stuff Shinji couldn’t understand before he heard Misato say, “Shinji’s ready for the stage.”
The NERV staff started activating a bunch of buttons as Shinji rose from the underground platform and saw a huge crowd that spanned the entirety of TOKYO-3.
“The course is clear. All green,” the operator spoke.
“Shinji is ready to go up on the stage,” Ritsuko said.
“Of course. We have no future unless we beat Big Kaworu Rush in the charts,” Gendo said, trying to sound as mysterious as possible.
“Launch!” Misato yelled.
Shinji finally arises from the stage and for a moment, the audience’s eyes were all on him from his sudden appearance. Looking at everyone in the crowd nervously, he takes a deep breath and starts playing Guitar 01.
“Shinji… Please don’t disappoint us,” Misato said, nervously watching Shinji through the screen.
---
On the stage of the Battle of the Bands, Kaworu Nagisa was currently playing his latest hit song, “Bruh Sound Effect”, as he was a big fan of memes.
However, when he saw that NERV had sent out another band member for 01 Direction, he couldn’t help but recognize him.
“Shinji Ikari.” He said, sort of, well, we’re not sure if he said or thought this.
---
PREVIEW:
01 Direction defeats Big Kaworu Rush in their battle of the bands, but this is only the beginning!!
Shinji runs away from his father. Misato's conceit
makes her decide to let Shinji live with her.
Next is 'Chapter TWO: the EPIC rock guitar!'
Of course, next time, service, service.
[END OF EPISODE 1]