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Graduation was coming up and Liu Qingge didn't have a date.
It was not that he couldn't get a date. He could have arranged a date with any of the boys and girls that had asked him “Would you like to go to prom with me?” But he didn’t consider any of those people good enough for him, and also, he wanted to take his sister. Well, he would have prefered not to go at all but his sister asked and he couldn’t say no. Not to her.
His black suit and button-down shirt itched against his skin uncomfortably. He sighed, leaning his head down to pinch the bridge of his nose with his left hand and running his right hand through his always impeccable high ponytail. He had been waiting for his sister to be ready for quite a long time, but she still insisted on retouching her makeup or applying more perfume.
“I’m ready!” Only her eyes were visible above the white silk draped loosely about her head and across the lower half of her face. The soft purple on her dress contrasted against her long silky hair and the bright purple of her dangling earrings.
“Mhm." Liu Qingge wouldn’t really say it but watching how much his little sister had grown made him a tiny bit emotional.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
When they arrived at the prom, almost everyone was already there. And before he could say something to Liu Mingyan, she had been snatched away by Sha Hualing.
Her sister’s light purple fairy-like dress contrasted against the gold, sheath-style dress with a plunging neckline the other girl was wearing.
The music that was playing went slower in tempo. Couples moved to the dance floor. And since he didn’t have a partner to dance with, he sat down at a free table, looking around.
Mobei Jun and Shang Qinghua had come together and were currently spiking the punch. They were not very secretive. Neither were Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe, who didn’t bother looking at anyone else and were currently dancing. Liu Qingge looked away, he didn’t want to get flashbacks of the crush he had on Shen Qingqiu. How foolish had he been back then, thinking that nothing would ever change.
Everyone else was either from different classes or he just didn’t care about.
“Hey can I sit here?” a voice came from his side. Liu Qingge turned around, Yang Yixuan was staring at him, his hand signaling the chair on his side. They had met briefly once, he had helped his sister on some assignment. He was wearing a black suit that appeared to be a bit big on him, contrasting sharply with his kinda messy and long hair.
Liu Qingge nodded. He’s cute, why doesn't he have a date? he thought.
Yang Yixuan laughed, now leaning back in a relaxed posture on the chair next to Liu Qingge, who was looking at him. “You don’t have a date either,” he explained.
It seemed that Liu Qingge’s brain had not been working properly so he had said his thoughts out loud without noticing. He avoided Yang Yixuan’s eyes, he wanted to get up and go away, get to his house, go to his room and just hide under the covers.
“And you’re also cute.”
Liu Qingge was stunned. He was even more embarrassed now so he just hmph-ed and looked away.
Had he just been hit on?
This boy was just about to make him blush, but he did his best not to let Yang Yixuan have that effect on him. That could shatter the image that everyone at this school had of him. He couldn ’ t deny that it was exciting, a little fun, keeping such emotions so close to the edge of the surface but not really letting them show.
But Yang Yixuan turned to face him almost totally, offering his hand. Surprised by the sudden movement Liu Qingge turned around, his eyes moved from Yang Yixuan’s charming smile to the hand he was offering.
“Who said I want to dance?” Liu Qingge scoffed.
“You don’t want to then?” His eyebrows lifted up and Liu Qingge was not sure if he was mocking him or not.
“What if I do?” he scoffed again. They didn’t really know each other and Yang Yixuan was already making fun of him.
But even though they had just seen each other once, they didn’t feel like strangers either.
“Ah! How stubborn!” Yang Yixuan laughed and took Liu Qingge’s hand forcefully. Liu Qingge glared, his eyes were a mix of pure fury and surprise.
But it had been cute how Yang Yixuan waved his hands in gestures when he spoke, and it was cute how his eyebrows scrunched up across his forehead, and it was cute how he looked so relaxed, leaning down his chair and smiling at Liu Qingge even when he scoffed.
Liu Qingge knew there was something wrong with him, to be calling him cute so quickly, but he was fairly sure he didn’t care.
So he let himself be taken to the dancefloor, doing his best not to appear too eager with the motion.
What a strange being you are, God knows where I would be
If you hadn't found me, sitting all alone in the dark
Yang Yixuan put his hand on Liu Qingge’s waist and held his hand. And since it would have been uncomfortable to dance just like that, Liu Qingge cooperated by putting one of his hands on the other’s waist. They danced in silence, and that was good, because soon Liu Qingge was too flushed and flustered to speak properly and he didn't want Yang Yixuan to know. He refused to relax, his body still stiff. It would have been like losing, letting himself go so easily with someone he had basically just met. But Yang Yixuan didn’t seem to mind.
Liu Qingge moved his left foot backward in a smooth motion, sliding across the slick floor. He didn’t know much about dancing, he hoped he wouldn’t fall and become a mess of limbs, but Yang Yixuan slid his right foot forward and slowly they swayed.
They swayed slowly from side to side at first, letting the rhythm control their movements.
I feel like you’ll appear, so I wait aimlessly
I need to go find you, go find you
Part of Yang Yixuan’s messy hair fell over his eyes. He began to withdraw his hand to brush away his hair, but Liu Qingge’s hand clutched onto his. Using the hand that had been on Yang Yixuan’s hips, he tucked the lock behind his ear. Before he could realize what he had just done, the other’s lips went to his ear to whisper ever so softly.
Brave face talk so lightly, hide the truth (hide the truth)
“So you do know how to flirt.”
Liu Qingge frowned and Yang Yixuan smiled back.
They continued to dance, too lost in the music to halt. Time passed as the music kept changing. Liu Qingge couldn't count how many times he had squished his foot under his own. But the other’s smile didn’t seem to dim and Liu Qingge had to be strong not to lift the corners of his mouth as well.
Yang Yixuan set his head on his shoulder, closing his eyes for a minute. It looked uncomfortable since he was taller than Liu Qingge but he still did it.
I forget how emotions dance when they aren't inside of me
Liu Qingge could feel his breath on his neck, he seemed to be singing the song that was currently playing.
He wasn’t a great singer, but it was soft and being so close to him made Liu Qingge blush and his hands sweaty. He prayed that Yang Yixuan wouldn’t notice.
They kept dancing, Yang Yixuan’s head still on the shorter’s shoulder, one of his hands moving to Liu Qingge’s back, pulling him closer.
There's a strange love inside, It's getting louder and louder and louder and louder and louder and louder
Surprised by the shameless movement, Liu Qingge lowered his eyes, searching for Yang Yixuan’s gaze to reprimand him. But he brought his head up and sleepily opened his big eyes.
“Hey, stubborn beauty,” Yang Yixuan said playfully, a grin on his face.
“I have a name!” Liu Qingge barked.
“Ok, Stubborn Beauty Liu Qingge then,” Yang Yixuan responded.
All along I was waiting for you
Can't believe I never knew
How come I never knew?
He let out an exasperated gasp and if Yang Yixuan had a brain he would have been scared by the threatening face Liu Qingge was making, but he just smiled back and Liu Qingge found that he couldn’t actually be mad.
Liu Qingge was never strong with words, so eloquence wasn’t the approach he took with expressing himself, and the boy was making him feel rather a lot of feelings, feelings he would prefer to keep hidden.
He felt that if anyone else had dared to do that, he would have probably slapped them. But when Yang Yixuan did it, he felt that his ability to think rationally had left him in an instant.
Remember when you taught me fate
Said it'd all be worth the wait
But before he could keep untangling his feelings, he heard Yang Yixuan’s voice asking “So... am I cute?”
“What?!” Liu Qingge asked, taken aback by the sudden question.
“You said that,” Yang Yixuan explained. It was true, even when Liu Qingge wished those phrases had never been said out loud…
“How audacious!” Liu Qingge snarled, surprised by the blatant flirting.
“He’s cute, why doesn't he have a date? ” Yang Yixuan mocked the tone of his voice perfectly. “You said it!”
“Shut up! I won't dance anymore if you keep bothering me” He would have punched him right away if it wasn’t for the warm feeling in his heart.
To think that we could stay the same
“It's just that you look nice when you frown,” Yang Yixuan said, and got a growl from Liu Qingge in response. “Bet you look even prettier with a smile.”
Yang Yixuan was too close, way too close as he whispered that into his ear, and Liu Qingge tried to think about something aside from the heavy curtain of dark eyelashes that softened Yang Yixuan’s eyes, or the moles pinpointed randomly over his full cheeks, the soft rounded end of his nose, or the gentle placement of his hands on Liu Qingge’s body, or the soft slope of his shoulders as they continued to slowly sway.
It's in the movements you make
It's on your breath
By now, Liu Qingge’s brain was running only on adrenaline and the flood of hidden feelings, the rest of his functions having shut down a while ago. This was the reason that he said, “You are.”
“I’m what?” Liu Qingge could feel the way Yang Yixuan’s thumb made circles on his back, and the way he grinned, even when he was not looking at his face.
“Cute, I won’t repeat it.” Liu Qingge was not accustomed to saying words like that, and his face turned into a burning tomato.
Yang Yixuan met his eyes and said, “I changed my opinion. I like when you frown, but the blush suits you too!”
“I changed my opinion too, you are only cute when you shut up,” he almost growled back, almost starting to feel like himself again. Surprised at how he was able to scoop up a handful of words and scrunch them into a sentence, considering how flattered he felt from Yang Yixuan’s words.
It's been a long, long time
Since I've memorized your face
And this time when Yang Yixuan smiled he almost let his joy show on his face. He changed the position of his hands, now resting on the side of Yang Yixuan’s hips, and the latter’s hands were on Liu Qingge’s neck.
“Do you also feel like we’ve met before?” Yang Yixuan suddenly asked.
“We’ve met before, you helped my sister.”
“Nono, but I mean like, really met.”
Liu Qingge looked at him strangely but he actually got what he was talking about.
Yang Yixuan continued, “I have always felt like there should be more. Like there is something else. I can't quite grasp it, but I know it's here, in us.”
What if I told you I feel like I know you
But we never met?
Liu Qingge had heard the myths, about how humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. A time when humans were very powerful creatures, fearless and strong, and even dared to threaten the gods who, fearing their power, split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves. But they were just myths, long forgotten tales of places he didn’t know.
It's funny how they're all the same
It's funny how you always remember
And we've both done it all a hundred times before
It's funny how I still forgot
In his eyes, soulmates could be wonderful, but they were terrible too. And false. That dependency on another person is both a blessing and a curse. So every time his sister talked about finding her other half, he became annoyed, saying such things are not possible and scolding her for spending her time reading love novels instead of studying. Or when he heard people talking about reincarnations and past lives, he also became annoyed.
I'd never tell
No I'd never say a word
And oh it aches
But it feels oddly good to hurt
But he couldn’t deny how familiar Yang Yixuan’s smile felt, like he had seen it before, like an old lost childhood memory. Well, not really like childhood, even older.
“I actually felt that too,” he admitted.
“Could it be… that we are soulmates???” Yang Yixuan's eyes opened in surprise.
“I have bad luck then!” Liu Qingge joked, and this time when Yang Yixuan laughed he smiled softly, but it was so small that the other boy didn't notice.
“Maybe it’s meant to be. You know, fated.” Yang Yixuan looked serious.
Even in our next life
Even at that time, I’ll go to you
“We’ve only just met,” Liu Qingge whispered. He wasn’t sure if he heard.
Yang Yixuan shrugged and continued. “Imagine… if we were powerful cultivators in our other lives?” he wondered, creating a whole fantasy story on his mind.
“I’m older so I would be your shizun.”
“What a funny idea! Just imagine,” And this time Yang Yixuan couldn't contain himself, he burst out laughing. Even the cold and aloof Liu Qingge couldn’t contain himself and he smiled.
“You smiled!” Yang Yixuan almost yelled in surprise, his laugh stopping abruptly at the sudden realisation.
Liu Qingge put his serious mask back on. “I didn’t."
“So stubborn!”
I saw you in a dream
You came to me
You were the sweetest apparition, such a pretty vision
They continued dancing, and Liu Qingge watched as Yang Yixuan’s hair spun out and bounced more with each move. The colour lights around them twinkling as they spun around in delicate circles. The pressure of a warm hand on his neck and the feeling of their feet gliding along the dancefloor.
We're just two slow dancers, last ones out
We're two slow dancers, last ones out
And suddenly they were the only ones left on the dancefloor.
But you drown me in daylight, don't swim with me darling
He couldn’t see Luo Binghe’s big fluffy hair or Shen Qingqiu's slender figure anywhere. Shang Qinghua looked to be asleep in Mobei Jun’s arms on a empty table on the corner and he could see Shu Hualing and his sister chatting extremely close at another table
We're two slow dancers, last ones out
Two slow dancers, last ones out
“Hey... pretty stubborn!” Yang Yixuan called him. But seeing the other’s annoyed face, he changed the address. “Liu Qingge.”
“What”
“Can I kiss you?” Yang Yixuan asked, like it was a normal thing to do. Like that didn’t cause Liu Qingge to feel butterflies in his stomach. He hated clichés but there was no other way to describe what he felt.
And it looked just like you
And for a moment I was fooled
Although there was no real previous chapter of Liu Qingge’s life to conclude, a new one had begun.
“Yes,” he finally let out, swoly.
"I thought you were gonna say no," Yang Yixuan admitted
Liu Qingge smirked, he didn’t think he could say anything. Yang Yixuan had no idea he was capable of making that expression and wanted to kiss him even more right then and there.
I saw you in a dream
You had stayed the same
Said that I had changed
Liu Qingge beat him to it, though.
Tried to keep my eyes closed
I want you so bad
Then I awoke and it was so sad
Their lips joined together, a faint glow emanating from their chests as the world turned and exploded around them. The slow music twirled like thread around them.
If a second life that’s different from now is to come to me
Will I be by your side?
Will you be by my side?
It wasn’t like one of those close-mouthed kisses you do when you’re in eighth grade and you’ve never held hands before. It was soft at first, and then with a swift gradation of intensity.
I'd call you up but you wouldn't understand
I never tell you anything I never can
Liu Qingge could feel the way their lips fit like two puzzle pieces. The nice surprise of warm hands on his hair, holding him tighter and tighter and he clang to him as he was the only solid thing in a dizzy swaying world.
If I am given a second life
I may live and breathe differently compared to now
Among the streets we’ll walk past each other without knowing...
And he hated clichés but it really felt that nothing in the world existed but him and Yang Yixuan. And maybe it was the dizziness from all the swaying or the brightness of the lights but he felt like he was floating in the air. And he was not a poet, nor did he want to be one. But not even the poets could put into words how familiar and nice this felt, there was no phrase or figure of speech that could describe it.
I laid awake with the light coming in from outside
I'm feeling remnants of the face
Painted three hundred years ago on the ceiling
He guessed this was what attraction felt like, but it was so deep, as if this were the start of a song that would play on and on, something so soothing to Liu Qingge’s soul.
It was like coming home.
You're coming back
And it's the end of the world
We're starting over
And I love you darling
And he couldn’t let go, because it felt so good to be held.
I hope we remember each other
Even in our next life
Even at that time, I’ll go to you
When they broke away after what seemed like ages, Liu Qingge was caught by surprise when Yang Yixuan spun him out in the rhythm of the song, and then almost immediately brought him back into an embrace.
No words are necessary
The gaze, the touch...
When they pulled apart and their eyes met again, Yang Yixaun asked “Can I have your number?”
There was something about him that made Liu Qingge want to say yes. So he did.
“Yes.” Yang Yixuan gave him his phone and Liu Qingge typed in his number.
It feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
“Thanks for the ride home.” Liu Qingge said, looking at his sister.
“Thank you, Yixuan” Liu Mingyuan said too, but inside she would have prefered to go to Sha Hualing’s house. But it was not like she hated seeing her brother so infatuated with someone, it was a nice view after all.
Yang Yixuan nodded.
Fortunately for Liu Qingge, his sister walked faster, arriving sooner and leaving them behind. She seemed to understand even without words what was going between those two.
“I had fun,”he said smilingly. The pretties t smile of the night, Liu Qingge thought.
“I had a fun time too.” Liu Qingge admitted.
It was silent. But they didn’t feel the need to talk, just standing there in front of his house together, not doing anything but looking at each other. Thoughts ran through both of their minds. Somehow it felt like their souls have known each other for so long that they could recognize each other even in this life.
Before Yang Yixuan could make a move, Liu Qingge quickly kissed him. “Goodnight,” he croaked before quickly opening the door and leaving in a frenzy, following his sister’s steps.
When he closed the door he couldn’t help but sigh.
That night, Liu Qingge realised that he was, in fact, extremely melodramatic and romantic but only on the inside. He had discovered this when he lay down on his bed and his thoughts couldn't drag from Yang Yixuan.
He dreamed of whispered affections in the darkness, careful and reverent touches. A flash of messy hair, a smile so bright it would make the sun envious, the heavy feeling of tiredness after a fight, the distant sound of swords clashing, someone in the distance calling him shizun. Liu Qingge couldn’t see him. His voice came from far away. In the darkness, he stretched his fingers, reaching out into nothingness, looking for that too-familiar voice. It was a voice he felt he knew better than his own.
Then it was gone.
The alarm woke him up the next day.
He stared down at his reflection in the mirror, paralysed with the weight of a million memories rushing back. For a moment, the face he saw was unfamiliar. He blinked, and the moment passed. He blinked again, thinking about the dream last night, but he couldn’t remember a damned thing about it. He felt weird, uneasy. Like he lost something but he didn't even know what. A deep sadness flooded his chest when he thought about the forgotten dream. It felt like someone had peeled off the bandage on a wound that was still healing, a wound he didn’t even know he had, ripping it off so slowly and painfully that the wound had been opened again.
Perhaps he should have wondered if he had gone insane, but the thought never occurred to him.
Liu Qingge stopped the still-ringing alarm and checked his phone.
From: New Number
Hello Stubborn Beauty Liu Qingge. Wanna go out for a coffee??
Sent: Today, 7:31 AM
“Maybe it’s meant to be. You know, fated.” Yang Yixuan had said the night before.
He added Yang Yixuan into his contacts and answered a short yes.
Maybe it is , Liu Qingge thought.