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“Have you ever had sex?” Asks Aziraphale, putting down his book and looking over at the demon half snoozing on the sofa in the back of the bookshop.
“I never much saw the point,” responds Crowley, never even opening his eyes.
“Well, you are a demon, and it was your job to tempt humans…” Aziraphale trails off.
Crowley opens his eyes and looks over at Aziraphale, studying his face. “It was, but there are millions of ways to tempt a human. I never really felt a need to sleep with them. Why, have you had sex? I know you were close to a few of them through time, and I know you enjoy earthly pleasures.”
Aziraphale pauses and sucks in a deep breath. “I was indeed close to a few writers in my time, but while I strove to inspire them to greatness, I did avoid their advances. I’ve always sullied my temple with food and drink, as you know, but I too never saw the point of sleeping with humans.”
“What about nonhumans?” inquires Crowley.
Aziraphale blinks. “Nonhumans?” he stammers out.
Crowley sits up and looks Aziraphale in the eye. “Yes, nonhumans. Have you or would you sleep with someone who wasn’t human?”
Aziraphale looks down, avoiding Crowley’s eyes. “There is only one nonhuman I know of who could tempt me in that direction. Though I prefer to avoid sex altogether, if it were someone I loved, I might consider it as a sign of my affections. However, there are a million and one ways I prefer to show my feelings in place of sex.”
Crowley pauses, and studies Aziraphale’s face then breaks into a soft smile. “Yes, Angel, I do see your point. I understand humans have sex as a means of expressing affection. However, I mostly see it as a way of repopulating the earth, and I too have other ways of showing how I feel.”
Aziraphale stands up and heads towards his wine cabinet tucked under the counter. “Wine, my dear? I’m feeling a bit thirsty myself.”
Crowley nods in affirmation, “I’m always up for a good glass of wine, or three. You know that.”
Aziraphale busies himself with opening a bottle and pouring out a couple of glasses. “Ah, yes, I do know that. I just prefer to ask instead of assuming. Here you go, dear,” he hands over a glass for Crowley then settles down with his own. He takes a sip then looks back up at Crowley. “I suppose I’m in love with you, you know. I just have a funny way of showing it.”
Crowley, mid drink chokes on the wine and coughs before finally swallowing it down the right pipe. “Ah. Well. I suppose I never wanted to assume that. I know I hoped for it. I’ve hoped for it for a long time. But I never… I never wanted to assume my own feelings for you were reciprocated.”
Aziraphale calmly takes another sip of wine before setting down his wine glass and fidgeting with his ring. “I’ve always known how you felt. I can sense love, of course. You know that. And you radiate it. I wasn’t aware of my own feelings, however, until that night in the London Blitz when you saved me, and then saved my books. I realized my own feelings that night, and it was quite a shock. Though, however much of a surprise they were, I found them to be pleasant. The big hesitation wasn’t in loving you back, it was in loving you back in a way that wouldn’t get you in trouble with Hell.”
“I suppose that isn’t a concern now?” questions Crowley.
“No, it’s not. We are truly on our own now. On our own side, as you put it the other night,” replies Aziraphale.
“So, you’ve always known how I felt then. You were just unaware of your own feelings through most of time, and then when you were aware, there was a concern of Heaven and Hell,” repeats Crowley wanting to be sure of things.
Aziraphale nods but doesn’t respond.
“And what about now?” Crowley continues on. “Now that we’re on our own side. Now that we have the freedom to do as we please. Love who we please. Love how we please. What do you want to do about these feelings?”
Aziraphale stands up in response to this inquiry and moves to sit down on the sofa, as close to Crowley as he can get without physically landing on top of him. He reaches out tentatively and takes Crowley’s hand in his own. “This,” he states firmly. “I want to do this.”
Crowley gently but firmly squeezes Aziraphale’s hand in affection and reassurance.
Aziraphale takes a breath and continues on. “I want to hold your hand. I want to read alongside you when you sleep, not unlike what we do here in the bookshop, but with less distance between us. I am touch starved. I want to curl up with you and read while you sleep… in an actual bed. I don’t understand the point of sex, but I do understand the point of physical affection. Of hugs. Holding hands. Even cuddling.”
Crowley gently pulls his hand free in response, but then wraps his arms around his angel and pulls him into his lap, holding him tight and resting his cheek against the top of Aziraphale’s head. “Yes, Angel. I, too understand the point, and I too am touch starved. I do believe we’re on the same page. I have a million little ways to show you I love you if you’ll allow me. We’ve spent the last 11 years together so close, as I raised Warlock, and yet so far apart. I want you in my life. I want to wake with you at my side. I want to fall asleep, entangled in your love. I want… I want to move my plants in. In here. And my movie and music collections. I want to stay until you are sick of me.”
“Oh Crowley,” replies Aziraphale. “I could never be sick of you. I can find room for your plants, music, and movies. I have a living space that I’ve never used. Bring your bed. Bring everything. I want you here with me. Please do move in here with me.”
Crowley gently kisses the top of Aziraphale’s head, his face buried in curls. “Consider it done, Angel. Consider it done. With the freedom to love you properly… for once I will thrive.”
Aziraphale shifts so he can look up at Crowley and beams his brightest smile. It’s almost as if his entire body it aglow. “I’m made to love. That was my purpose upon creation. With all my love focused on you and given freely… humans may sometimes think they need sex to convey love. I, on the other hand, don’t and won’t. And the humans have nothing on me. Just you wait.”
“I’m done waiting,” states Crowley. “I’m ready to see it.”
“And you will,” replies Aziraphale. “You will.”