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The first thing Arthur noticed when he came to was the taste of blood in his mouth. Damn it. Next, was the loud medley of concern and laughter as hands were helping him up. Damn it to hell.
“My apologies, Sire!” Sir Owain said in earnest.
“You hesitated, sire.”
“I haven’t seen him fall in years!”
Arthur groaned and tried to block out the cacophony as he undressed his armor, throwing pieces to the ground for his servants to collect later. He couldn’t get away fast enough.
“You all right, mate?” Sir Leon clapped him on the shoulder.
“Yeah, just hesitated.” Got distracted. Arthur chided himself.
“Right… which never happens.” Leon, his head knight and closest friend, gave him a questioning look.
“I’m only perfect most of the time.” Arthur smiled, trying to play it off as if he wasn’t embarrassed.
“Well that is news to me, sire.” Leon chuckled, then added. “Let me know if you need anything, yeah?”
“Of course, Leon. Thank you.” Arthur walked away from the training field toward the safety of the castle. He didn’t bother with a dismissal or explanation to anyone, he knew Leon would continue training without him.
Until a few minutes ago, he would have said this was one of his better drill days. A young man he’d never seen before had stopped along the peripheral of the field to watch them train. Arthur couldn’t help but regard his striking looks. He was tall and gangly, had dark hair, blue eyes, with sharp cheekbones and large ears. He looked roughly the same age as himself. Arthur noticed him immediately, and saw the boy had noticed him as well. It didn’t look like recognition, just appreciation. But with every glance, the boy seemed more and more annoyed. For some reason, this fueled the prince. He threw in some extra grunts and fancy footwork, just to see him roll his eyes again. It made training even more of a game to him. His knights expected him to win, but this stranger had no idea what he was capable of. Until suddenly, the mystery boy was gone, and the next thing Arthur remembered was waking up face down.
***********
The sun began to set when Arthur finally admitted to himself that this was no ordinary headache. While it was hard to put aside his pride and ask for help, he also understood the importance of staying fighting fit and of an agile mind. He would never be able to fall asleep in this state. So after pacing for another hour, Arthur shrugged on a cloak and headed to the physician's chamber.
“Well hello, sire!” Gaius was quick to open the door. He looked surprised and anxious to see him standing there.
“Hello Gaius. I don’t mean to bother you - “
“Oh of course not.” Gaius interrupted.
Arthur continued, “I was just hoping you had some spare tonic, for a headache?”
Someone snorted, and Arthur turned his head quickly to see someone sitting at the table. Him. Arthur froze. He wasn’t prepared to see this boy again anytime soon, and not while he was feeling so vulnerable. He must have stared for a bit too long, as Gaius’s anxious stammering brought him back to attention.
“Merlin, this is King Uther’s son, Prince Arthur.” Gaius gave Merlin a sharp look, who then sat up straighter but also rolled his eyes. How infuriating. “Sorry my Lord. This is Merlin, son of a friend of mine. He just arrived today from Ealdor and will be staying with me as my apprentice.”
Arthur tried to keep his face as nonchalant as possible as he processed this information. “Oh. Nice to meet you Merlin. Welcome to Camelot.” It felt painful to say those words. Fake. He wasn’t sure why, but he desperately wanted to impress Merlin. He had an arrogance about him and Arthur already couldn’t stand it. Merlin looked as if he wanted to make a smart retort, but he resigned to bowing his head in acknowledgement.
“Erm, a headache, you said, sire?” Gaius asked almost reluctantly. The energy in the room felt awkward, as if Arthur had interrupted something important, and he wanted to leave as quickly as possible. Arthur nodded, and kept his eyes on Gaius as he turned to find him a tonic, daring not to look at the other boy in the room. If it was only Gaius in the room, he would have asked for an evaluation. But there was no way Arthur would do that now. “Here you are.” Gaius paused, looking over the Prince. “My, you do look rather pale, sire.”
“Just a headache. Thank you.” Please just let me leave.
“Very well. I’ll check on you in the morning, Sire. If you need a few days to rest, you know I can make that happen.”
“Thank you, Gaius.” Arthur clasped Gaius’s hands in appreciation as he took the medicine from him. It wasn’t until Arthur was back in his chambers that he realized he had not heard Merlin’s voice, and the fact that that bothered him, well, bothered him.
***********
Arthur awoke to someone knocking on his door.
“Sire, I have a young man here to see you, says he is the physician’s assistant?”
“Yes, yes, he’s credible.” Arthur tried to sound as groggy as he looked but he was definitely awake now. Why was Merlin here, instead of Gaius?
“Very well, sire.” Arthur sat up quickly as the guard closed his chamber doors. He pulled his covers close and tried to ruffle his hair in place before the doors opened once more.
“Good morning, Merlin.”
“Good morning.” Merlin paused, probably wondering how he should address Arthur. “Gaius is preoccupied this morning, so he sent me to make sure you were well.”
“Ah, I am feeling quite well today, thank you.”
Merlin grinned and there was a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “Gaius said you would say that, even if you weren’t.” He walked a little closer and tilted his head curiously.
“Did he?” Arthur feigned offense. “Well I can assure you, I am perfectly healthy and ready to perform my duties, as soon as you leave, Merlin.”
“Hey, all I’m saying is Gaius already has a note written for me to deliver to the king if you show any sign of sickness.”
Arthur sputtered, “I. I can’t just play hookey, I have important things to do.”
“Oh, like dancing around with a sword?”
Arthur’s mouth dropped open. “I’ll have you know that training is very important! And besides that, I have meetings to attend.”
“Fine, fine. Enjoy your princely duties then.”
“Sire.” Arthur exasperated.
“I’m sorry?”
Arthur couldn’t help but chuckle. “You have to address me as Sire, or Lord, or Prince…”
“Right. Enjoy your princely duties, your royal pratness.” Merlin interrupted, completely unphased.
Arthur scoffed. “You’re trouble, you are.”
“Ah, just bored. I’ll hang onto this note. you know where to find me if you ever want a day off.” Merlin smirked as he turned to leave.
“Trying to tempt me with a good time?” Arthur regretted the words the moment they left his lips. He hoped they didn’t sound the way he thinks they did.
Merlin looked back, raising his eyebrows and grinning, before turning and leaving.
***********
An entire week passed without seeing a glimpse of the new physician’s apprentice, but Arthur couldn’t get away from hearing his name all over the castle. The servants and even the knights were gossiping about this new addition to Camelot. “Oh, that Merlin kid is so funny.” “It’ll be so much quicker having Merlin delivering medicines.” “Merlin is so cute!” Arthur didn’t quite disagree with any of these comments, but he found it irritating nonetheless. Everyone seemed quite charmed with Merlin. He appeared to be kind and intelligent, but Arthur’s experience with Merlin found him to be quite disconcerting. He just couldn’t put his finger on it. And he couldn’t stop thinking about him.
And of course, the next time he would see Merlin was while he was training with his knights again. At this moment, Leon and himself were circling each other, daring the other to strike first. Arthur noticed Merlin on the other side of the field chuckling to himself. When they made eye contact, Merlin mouthed “dancing” and did a lazy pirouette. Arthur couldn’t help smiling at Merlin’s best ballet attempt. Damnit.
“Arthur. Focus.” Leon snapped Arthur back to attention, and at next glance Merlin was gone.
***********
The next evening was one of the rare occasions where Arthur was able to dine with both Morgana and his father. Arthur’s relationship with both of them was strained and almost non-existent, but about twice a month, they were able to dine together and talk about mundane things.
After about 20 minutes of mostly silence, the King seemed to read Arthur’s mind.
“I am curious about your opinions on Gaius’s new apprentice?” Arthur’s ears perked up. He was so desperate to know more about Merlin, but was thankful his father was the one to bring it up.
“Oh, I just adore him! I’m so happy Gaius has some help.” Arthur couldn’t remember the last time Morgana had smiled so genuinely.
Uther nodded, “Arthur?”
Arthur wasn’t quite sure what to say. “I’ve barely seen him, but I am also glad that Gaius is no longer alone.” Morgana tilted her head knowingly at Arthur.
“Arthur, Gaius and I have talked about sending the boy with you on your hunt in a few days. It will be most beneficial to have him accustomed to travel and looking over you and your knights on patrols. In the future, I think it best that he takes over as the primary healer for you and the knights.”
“That is... very wise, father.” Arthur said, trying to keep the shock out of his voice.
“I’m glad we agree. I’ll have some servants show him around the stables and armory. Ask your knights to be kind to him, please.”
“Of course, father.”
“He has no experience whatsoever but has already shown quite a knack for healing. I am very pleased.”
“I think he is a great addition to the castle and soon we won’t know how we managed without him.” Morgana grinned.
Arthur took a long drink from his goblet to avoid making any further comments or facial expressions. The King hummed and a brief silence filled the room before Morgana moved onto more important topics… such as fashion.
The rest of the hour went by torturously slow, Arthur just wanted to daydream in peace. His mind kept drifting to visions of Merlin on a horse, his face lit by firelight as he laughed with him and the knights. Seeing Merlin sleeping peacefully and getting to wake him up after a long night in the woods. But what if… his station prevented Arthur from being near Merlin? Would his servant George be the one to befriend him? Show him how to prepare the horses and tents? What excuse could he make to talk to him? Bizarre fantasies of getting injured in battle started playing in his mind. Ones where he wasn’t severely hurt, but just enough so to cause Merlin to worry, so that Merlin would have to place his hands on his body.
Morgana cleared her throat. “Arthur, walk me to my chamber?”
Arthur downed the rest of his wine quickly. He hadn’t even noticed the table had been cleared.
After Arthur stood and said goodnight to his father, Morgana took his elbow as they walked toward her chambers. “Arthur, please, you’ve barely seen Merlin, my ass.” she hissed.
“What? Morgana, i’ve only had one conversation with him.”
“Well, whatever was said, Merlin seems quite smitten with you.” Morgana winked.
Arthur paused and gave her a look of confusion. “What could he possibly have said about me?”
“It’s not so much what he said, but how he said it.”
“That… doesn’t answer the question.”
“It doesn’t matter. Come on, you’ve been so silent ever since his name was brought up at dinner.”
“I… I admit I’ve been distracted. I’m curious how the dynamics will change having Merlin around during hunts and patrols..”
“Curious?”
“I…”
“Arthur.”
“You’re sure he seems smitten with me?” Arthur asked quietly.
Morganna grinned and squeezed his arm. “Oh I can’t wait to tell him to go for it!”
“Morgana!”
“I haven’t been this excited in months, Arthur.”
Arthur groaned. “Morgana no, please don’t meddle. I barely know him. You’re mistaken.”
“Oh, no no no. There’s something special between the two of you. I can see it.” The way she emphasized the word ‘see’ gave Arthur pause. But he would catalogue that for another day.
He rolled his eyes, then kissed her on the cheek goodnight and made his way to his chambers. Maybe he shouldn’t have drank as much as he had. Normally, he would never be so open around Morgana. He had all but admitted he was somewhat taken with this stranger, and now he feared the consequences.
********
After a 3 hour ride, Arthur and his posse finally arrived at Lake Alfred. This was a favorite hunting spot for Arthur, a perfect day away, with plenty of game around the lake, and a perfect excuse to eat fish the night they camp. The journey had been painfully slow. Leon had rode a few paces ahead, about 10 knights trailed behind him, and in the very back was Merlin and his servant George.
Arthur never dared to look behind him, but the itch never left. Every now and then, Merlin’s soft laugh would find its way into Arthur’s ears. The fact that George was the reason behind Merlin’s laughter was infuriating. Even so, Arthur had seen a different side of Merlin so far today. He seemed very receptive to all advice the knights were giving him, and very well mannered. The one time he did allow himself to watch Merlin, was when they finally arrived at their destination. He carefully dismounted his horse, and led her to the lake for a drink. He watched Merlin’s careful and steady hands, and his tender smile as he cared for the horses. Arthur’s thoughts strayed to Merlin caring for him.
Sir Leon unpacked their lunches of bread and fruit, as the knights all grabbed some logs and stones to set around the fire pit that George was making. Arthur noticed Merlin leaning against a tree, looking a little anxious. Don’t go over there. Arthur found himself walking over there.
“You alright there, Merlin?”
Merlin jumped and looked surprised to see Arthur next to him. “Yes, sire.”
“You know we’re not expecting anything from you, right? You are here to observe and learn.”
Merlin did actually seem reassured by that statement. “Yeah… I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed. And a little useless.”
Arthur smirked. “You’re allowed to be useless, for now.”
Merlin sighed, then smiled. “Thanks, Arthur.”
Arthur’s first instinct was to tell Merlin to address him correctly. But he realized he liked being called just Arthur. Maybe he’ll correct him next time…..
“Go grab some bread and relax.” Arthur smiled and clasped Merlin’s shoulder. They made eye contact, and while Arthur knew only a moment had passed, it felt like time had stopped.
********
The next few hours didn’t matter to Arthur, because Merlin wasn’t in them.
They weren’t the worst hours though. Him and a few knights did manage to shoot a few deer, two squirrels, and one rabbit. They were hopeful they would be able to catch more game tomorrow morning before heading back to Camelot. To make it even better, some of his other men caught enough fish for a proper meal tonight. It had been a few months since the last time Arthur had eaten fish, so he was quite looking forward to it.
Merlin sat across from Arthur as they all sat around the fire eating dinner. Arthur was both relieved and disappointed. He wanted any excuse to talk to him, but didn’t want to share their conversations with anyone. Didn’t want to end up making a buffoon of himself around his knights. It was better this way. This way, he could look at him.
“How’reya gettin’ on Merlin?” Sir Owain asked with his mouth full. The conversations around the fire all died down. It seemed everyone else was curious as well.
“M’fine.” Merlin smiled and looked up at Arthur, then around at everyone else. No-one said anything for a moment, then he continued. “I found quite a bit of plants at the lake that Gauis requested.” Everyone grumbled and nodded their heads.
“So where are you from, Merlin?” Sir Bedivere asked.
“Ealdor, on the borders of Essetir. My mother is from Camelot and was friends with Gauis before she married and relocated. Not much work in Ealdor, so now I’m here.”
A chorus of “nice” “welcome to Camelot” and “happy to have ya” filled the air.
Only because it was Merlin, Arthur hesitated, and was almost too delayed when he raised his waterskin in a faux toast. “May Camelot prosper and be in good health evermore! To Merlin!”
“To Merlin!”
“To Merlin!”
Merlin’s smile was brighter than any fire, or any starlight.
****************
The week following the hunting trip was dull. The lack of Merlin sightings brought Arthur’s boiling mushy feelings down to a nagging simmer. Life seemed pretty normal, and yet he’d get a glimpse of a gangly boy with dark hair and his stomach would lurch and he’d have to catch his breath. How is any of this normal?
Arthur was feeling reckless this morning. He asked a guard to fetch Merlin before he could talk himself out of this bad idea.
“You needed me, Sire?” Merlin seemed nervous.
“I think I want the day off.”
A flicker of recognition crossed Merlin’s face as his lips turned upward. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“I’ll let everyone know you’re unwell?”
“Please.”
Merlin turned to leave.
“Merlin?”
“Yes, sire?”
“Do you have any business to attend to today?”
“I…”
Merlin paused, looking at Arthur, trying to determine what Arthur could possibly be planning.
“Gaius wanted me to spend the day reading but-”
“You up for a game of chess?” Arthur interrupted.
“I’ll be back in an hour.” Merlin beamed.
Arthur paced around his chambers the entire hour.
When Merlin finally returned, he brought in a bowl of wet towels and a few viles.
“For appearances.” Merlin shrugged.
“Of course.”
As soon as they settled at the table for a game of chess, Arthur’s nerves and quickened heartbeat dissipated. This felt normal, this felt right. After the first game, Arthur winning of course, he had learned so much about Merlin. He claimed he had never played before, but was proving to be a quick learner. He was unbelievably observant, patient, and somehow made the game fun.
“You know, while I am confident in my ability to beat you again, I have to admit you’re a natural.”
“Don’t worry. I realize the mistakes I made in the beginning. You’re going down, Pendragon.” Merlin smiled enthusiastically.
“Heh!” Arthur rolled his eyes. “You wish.” They laughed as they rearranged the chess pieces to start again.
“Oh.”
The boys jumped in surprise to see George in the room, holding a tray of food.
“S-sorry” George stumbled. “I heard you were unwell, Sire.”
Arthur watched George eye them both suspiciously and had to bite back a laugh.
“Merlin is here to keep an eye on me. Would you mind bringing him a meal as well?”
“O-of course, Sire.” George placed the food on a table, bowed, and left.
Arthur burst into laughter at the absurdity of the situation.
“You didn’t have to get me food, Arthur.”
“Nonsense.” said Arthur as he cleared the chessboard to make way for their lunch. “You’ll need your energy up if you want to attempt to beat me at anything.” He threw a grape at Merlin and laughed as it bounced off his shoulder. Merlin raised his eyebrows and shook his head in resignation.
***********
Merlin left before George was due to bring Arthur his dinner. (You know… for appearances) He had finally beaten Arthur after 5 rounds, and the prince was surprised to find that he didn’t mind losing to him. Not when Merlin smiled like he did and teased him so. When he returned an hour or so later, he brought with him a book of medicinal herbs. “I really should be studying.” He had shrugged.
They were sitting by the fire idly, a comfortable quiet between them, the book spread out and Merlin lazily skimming through it. He could probably live in this moment forever.
“I wish I could have more days like this.” Arthur sighed. Then froze, panicking. He didn’t mean to say that outloud. Merlin was frozen, still hunched over his book, not reading it. Merlin leaned back and looked at Arthur. They stared at each other, wide eyed, for what felt like forever.
“Well…” Merlin started. “It won’t seem so odd if you’re still recovering tomorrow.” another pause. “After that, though, I’m afraid I don’t know how much you can get away with.”
“I could survive if maybe… maybe just… more nights like this.”
Merlin bit his lip. Not in a sexy way, in a nervous way. But Arthur kept staring at his lips. He couldn’t bear to look into his eyes.
“What are your nights usually like?”
Arthur smiled. “Actually… not much different. I will usually read reports for the next day, draft letters when needed… read history books perhaps…”
“So…”
“The difference is you, Merlin.”
There was a sharp inhale of breath. Arthur couldn’t stand it any longer and suddenly he was there, his lips crashing into Merlin’s. He felt Merlin gasp again against his lps and then he was kissing him back. Merlin rose to his knees, his hands grabbing Arthur’s face. It was messy and desperate and needy but absolutely perfect. And just as soon as it started, it stopped. Merlin was holding Arthur’s face away from his.
“Wait.” They stared at each other, both panting. “Wait…”
“Oh god. Oh god Merlin i’m so sorry.”
“No it’s okay, just...”
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean…” Arthur grabbed Merlin’s hands and pulled them down towards their laps, but didn’t let go.
“You didn’t mean?”
“I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
Silence.
“Was I wrong? Did I misinterpret? Is it my status?” Arthur stammered in a rush.
“No...no… you’re not wrong…” Merlin’s brow furrowed. The more unsure Merlin was starting to look, the more confident Arthur became. He had never been more sure of something in his life.
“You drive me crazy, Merlin.”
More silence.
“I can’t explain it. I’m drawn to you.”
“I think it’s destiny.” Merlin said quietly, eyes still on their hands.
“Yes. Perhaps it’s destiny.”
Merlin stood up quickly. “I’m going to tell the guards you’ll need tomorrow off as well. We’ll figure this out then.” He grabbed the bowl of towels and ran toward the door.
“Merlin, wait!”
“Tomorrow.” And then he was gone.
Arthur sank back onto the carpet, staring into the fire. Merlin’s book was still open on the floor.
*******************
Arthur woke before the dawn. He wasn’t sure how long he had slept, or how he had even made it onto his bed. He wasn’t sure how many minutes or hours it would be until Merlin returned. Until then, Arthur lay under his blankets, memorizing every moment of the day before and fantasizing of the moments to come. If someone were to come inside, (which George did eventually) they would absolutely see someone sick in bed.
Finally, after an agonizing few hours, Merlin quietly slipped into Arthur’s chambers. It was slightly embarrassing that Arthur had been laying down staring at the ceiling, but his anxiety of what Merlin could possibly say next washed over him like a cold bath.
“Arthur?”
The prince grunted, sitting up slowly in bed.
“I’m sorry I left so quickly last night.”
“No, i’m sorry I let myself get carried away.”
“Yes well… I never thought this would happen.” Merlin waved his arms between the two of them.
“I didn’t mean for it to.”
“I know Arthur, but now what?”
“I don’t know.” Arthur groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“I don’t… this won’t ever work.” Merlin said plainly.
Silence.
“But when i’m king…” Arthur leaned forward. He almost got out of bed but hesitated.
“Arthur.” Merlin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “What are your intentions?”
“What do you mean?”
“You said you were drawn to me. Arthur, I think… no… I know we belong together. In some way. I never imagined romantically. I just assumed… I felt…. I felt it from the first time I saw you. But I never imagined…” He trailed off, looking at his feet.
“Merlin I… I don’t know how to go on from here. I felt something that first day as well. I never meant to act on it.” Arthur sighed. “But now that I have, I don’t regret it.”
Merlin looked up quickly, his eyes dangerously watery. “Arthur. I know we hardly know each other, but do you trust me?”
This caught Arthur off guard. “I… Actually, Merlin, I trust you completely.”
“I can’t… I can’t kiss you again until you know who I am.”
Arthur took a deep breath and waited.
Merlin steadied himself. “The first night I arrived here, I heard a voice calling to me in the middle of the night.” Merlin grimaced. “I followed it, into a cave underneath the castle. It was a dragon.”
“Dragon.” Arthur breathed the word the same time as Merlin. He’d heard the tales. His father had bragged about imprisoning a dragon, but all this time, Arthur never truly believed it.
“He told me of a prophecy. You are foretold to be the once and future king, destined to bring back magic and unite all of Albion.” Arthur gasped. “I am foretold to be by your side, protecting you and guiding you toward that future.” Merlin relaxed his shoulders and closed his eyes again.
“Merlin I don’t understand.”
“The druids call me Emrys. I’m apparently the greatest sorcerer to walk the earth or something…?” Merlin shrugged and smiled as if saying ‘surprise!’
“What the hell?” Arthur’s eyes widened and he leaned back instinctively. “You can’t!”
“I have magic. I was born with it. I don’t know much yet, but whatever power I have, I want it to be yours. Only yours.”
“No.” Arthur whispered. He leaned forward and put his head in his hands. There was a very long silence.
“Can I show you?”
When Arthur looked up, Merlin was right in front of him. He held out his hand, and reluctantly, Arthur gave him his. Merlin turned his hand over and lightly touched a bruise on Arthur’s arm. He whispered something soft and his eyes glowed magnificently. Arthur couldn’t look away from his eyes. And when Merlin finally looked at him, he glanced back down at Arthur’s arm, bringing Arthur’s eyes with him. The bruise was gone.
Arthur inhaled. Exhaled. Inhaled.
He looked back up at Merlin, into his beautiful golden eyes, then pulled him onto the bed with him.
*
*
****************************************************************
This was only the beginning.
From that day on, Merlin was at Arthur’s side whenever he needed him.
Which was always.
It was Merlin and Arthur’s little secret, the magic, their love.
Well, and Morgana’s. Oh and Gaius’s too.
And eventually, Gwen’s.
And then, shortly after Uther’s passing, the knights shared their secret as well.
And finally, all of Albion celebrated magic in peace.