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The lights of the bar were dim, flickering intermittently, like the ghost of a bad lightbulb was trying to make itself known. Logan had a whiskey in his hands, gripping the glass as tightly as he could without cracking it. Kurt, who sat on the stool beside him, had a beer in his hands which was mostly just for show. They were both "on call", so to speak, so it was best they remain clear headed.
For Logan, that meant he could out drink every sorry ass in the bar, but in an effort to be courteous to his companion he was limiting his intake for the night. After a few minutes of their standard idle banter, Kurt finally asked what had been on his mind since he arrived.
"Why are we here, mein Freund?" his tone could have been accusatory, but instead it was simply inquisitive. Logan knew it's because the sappy asshole enjoyed his company for some baffling reason.
"Just wanted to talk. Away from everyone else," he admitted far more honestly than he would have liked. Anyone else could have blamed the alcohol, but that excuse was long out of the question for him, "Less brats around."
A distinctive, three fingered hand came to rest on his back, Kurt's smile (he was looking down, but he had known the elf long enough that he didn't have a doubt) all too knowing of the fact that despite Logans grumbling, he'd do anything for those kids.
Logan hated that he was right.
"To that end, you have me here and I am not going anywhere," that pleasing German lilt said quietly. To a man without Logan's senses, it might have been lost under the twangy music, clinking of glasses, and steady murmuring of the other patrons, but he heard it.
Oh, he heard it.
With his famous grimace, he knocked back the rest of his whiskey in one gulp, hoping if he imbibed it fast enough he could feel the rush of courage that most were afforded, but no dice. He thunked the glass onto the bar top before turning his gaze to his friend, eyes narrowing at that handsome, unforgettable blue face, "Yer too good, elf," he ground out, watching those solid golden eyes widen in confusion.
"I don't know how you look at all this," Logan swung his arm out to gesture at the rest of the bar, but trusted that Kurt knew him well enough to know that he meant the world as a whole, "An' see all this... goodness in it."
Of all the reactions Logan was expecting, laughter was not one of them, though in hindsight he shouldn't have been so surprised considering his companion's usual disposition. Clearing his throat to compose himself, Kurt smiled, "I understand the compliment you are trying to pay me, mein lieber Freund, but you declare that like it could not easily be argued that you do the same."
One bushy eyebrow rose, "'cuse me?"
"Your experience with suffering has been far more intimate than my own, yet you continue to fight for those who cannot. You may be a bit, prickly, perhaps, but even when you err, you still know what it right and try to do it," Kurt's smile softened, a special expression so different from his usual confidence, reserved only for those closest to him, and it made Logan hold his breath, "My life has not been easy, I will not attempt to argue otherwise, but for most of it I had a loving family, whether it be the circus or the X-men, as well as my faith, to comfort me. I would say what you have achieved is far more of an accomplishment."
For a moment Logan couldn't find any words to say, emotions caught in his throat, instead honing in on the sound of Kurt's tail cutting the air as it swished around. When he finally did speak, his voice was low and gruff (though when was it anything else?), "You just proved my point, bub."
"Ha! Do not mistake me for being unable to take praise, Logan. I have never denied being amazing," his toothy, bright grin stood out against the drab background of the bar, a flash of white against dull reds and browns, "I just do not find it fair to take my dues without making sure my friends get them as well."
What he first received to that statement was a snort as Logan flagged down the barkeep to refill his glass, "Alright, alright, whatever. I don't think the world's worth givin' up on either. But," he gave Kurt a deliberately obvious once over with his eyes, "It don't change the fact that you get looked at funny just for existing while my sorry hide can walk down main street without a care in the world. People aren't exactly goin' out of their way to return yer faith in them, pal."
"Da ist etwas Wahres dran," Kurt conceded, finally taking a sip of his now room temperature beer, "You do have a point. However, what would you have me do? Give up? I have too much lust for life, surely you of all people should know this by now."
"That's exactly what I'm talkin' about," Logan growled out, shoving a meaty finger into Kurt's shoulder, "Most people would quit. Ya' say it likes it's somethin' simple, even if not easy. It ain't. Not for anybody but somebody as special as you."
A brief quiet fell over them as Logan's glass was quickly refilled, the bartender not particularly eager to be in the middle of what seemed to him to be a brewing argument. Logan shook his head and took a hefty swig.
"Very well," Kurt finally said calmly, running his thumb over the smooth label on his bottle, "I do not wish to fight with you, and you seem very determined. But if I may ask, why have you decided to tell me this?"
Now that was the real question, the one Logan had been asking himself damn near since the moment he woke up that morning. It wouldn't have been a lie for him to simply say he awoke with a throbbing urge to tell his best, most beloved friend, how goddamn brave he was just for breathing, but that wasn't the full story. And as he felt a supportive tail wrap around his calf (he must have been scowling, not surprising), he thought he found his answer.
"You're my best friend, elf. There ain't any competition. I've never felt-," stared at his open palm before closing it into a tight fist, wondering exactly what he wanted to say, or rather admit, right now, "-never felt at peace with anyone else like I do with you. Yer a good man, maybe the best man I know. And I'm no fucking saint, but I thought I oughta return the favor at some point."
The tail on his leg squeezed tighter, "Logan... that sentiment is appreciated beyond what words can express, but you have already done so much for me. It was you who helped me truly embrace my appearance in public. It was your acceptance of all that I am the moment we met, even if you did not like all that you saw, which helped me understand that in the X-men, I could find a true home. No one else has done so much for me."
Perhaps, deep down, Logan knew that he must give the elf something, to maintain their friendship for so long. No one, not even the endlessly kind and forgiving Kurt, had boundless patience and pity. But to hear it put so plainly, to be told it point blank-
"Well, shit."
The laugh that arose from Kurt's throat was music to Logan's ears, as it always was when it was sincere. It was a sound that contained more joy than one person should reasonably be able to have.
"Well put, mein Freund! You are ever the pinnacle of eloquence, Logan."
"Shut your trap, bub," the smile on his face undercut the bite of his words, but he couldn't bring himself to care in the wake of Kurt's face splitting grin.
"Exactly like that!"
The rest of the night was filled with much more pleasant topics, the initial heaviness eventually forgotten in favor of the pair just enjoying the company of an old friend. There was more Logan had to sort out, in his own head, about what exactly it was he felt about the elf, but he knew that whatever it was, Kurt would accept him all the same- a thought which comforted and scared him shitless at the same time.
But as he looked at his laughing friend under the dim, flickering lights, he knew he'd rather be confused with Kurt than certain with anyone else.•