Work Text:
David pulled into the driveway of the cottage, turning off the engine and heaving himself out of the car after a very long day of vendor pickups. He entered their cozy kitchen and kicked off his shoes, dropping his day bag onto the bench beside the door. He was really looking forward to a quiet night at home with his husband before Alexis arrived for a week-long visit tomorrow.
An ear-piercing shriek from somewhere inside his home told him that perhaps, ”a quiet night in” was not in the cards for tonight.
“Ahhh!”
“Ahhh!!”
“Ohmygod! Ew, Patrick! Ew!”
Was that...Alexis? But she wasn’t supposed to be here until tomorrow night.
“What the...Alexis!? What...you’re not David!”
“Ew! Why would you think I was my brother?!”
Then there was the thundering of two sets of footfalls in opposite directions overhead, interspersed with doors slamming and ews and ohmygods. David stood uncertainly on the bottom step. He wasn’t sure he even wanted to know.
“Hello?” he called out, grimacing as the uncomfortable silence from upstairs lingered a second too long. “You guys okay?”
Suddenly two faces appeared over the edge of the bannister, Patrick on one side, Alexis looking damp and bedraggled on the other. Their words overlapped, their voices growing louder and louder, fingers pointed accusingly at one another.
“—husband is a pervert—“
“—not even supposed to be here until tomorrow—“
“—wanted to surprise you—“
“—thought she was you—“
“—ew, Patrick. That’s so mean—“
“—kind of person lets herself in to someone else’s house and uses the shower in their ensuite—“
David sighed and sat down on the bottom step of the stairs, rubbing at his temples.