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Emile loved Thomas.
He did! Emile loved Thomas’s gentle laugh, the way that Thomas’s smile was just that little bit lopsided when he was confused, loved the light in his eyes when he talked about Disney like he did with cartoons.
And they both had realized the other never held romantic feeling towards each other a while ago. Thomas had been more forthcoming when Emile nervously came to him, shuffling from foot to foot. Emile had adorably stumbled over his words, fidgeting with his hands and had concerned Thomas, Thomas plainly saying he was concerned as Emile was nervous, and he was almost never nervous.
But Thomas had enveloped Emile in a hug faster than even Patton when Emile expressed that he didn’t see Thomas as any kind of romantic partner, just a platonic connection. Thomas had kissed his forehead many time in that hug, making sure he had never seen any refusal for what he was doing in Emile’s face. He stopped the moment Emile placed a hand to stop him, asking why Thomas was so excited.
Thomas had said that he was on the aromantic spectrum, he knew he didn’t feel any particular romantic feelings for anything, but the concept didn’t completely irk him. Thomas had said he was quoiromantic, Emile already knowing the concept from his sessions with a couple in couple’s therapy that had said that they didn’t hold romantic feelings for each other and were instead in a Queer Platonic Relationship.
Emile was been aware of the general concepts of a QPR, but their session was the one things that made Emile realize that he also didn’t hold that kind of romantic feeling towards his then boyfriend.
Emile had felt so happy to understand their relationship, to know that Thomas reciprocated his feelings in kind.
But as Emile blew his nose on a tissue in his room, he was the least sure he had been in a while in this relationship. He didn’t know what it was any more.
It had been when Emile realized that Thomas could want another relationship with someone that was romantic because Thomas said he wasn’t against it as he didn’t really know if he was truly aromantic. Something about that for some reason made Emile feel a stabbing sensation in his chest.
That was probably why Emile was crying in his room while Thomas was out for groceries after work, Emile just... he didn’t understand.
He loved Thomas and he knew Thomas loved him. But no matter what Emile tried to get the thoughts out of his head, Emile’s thoughts kept returning to the fact Thomas might not be satisfied with their platonic relationship. He wanted to provide everything for his partner, but because he didn’t have romantic feelings for Thomas, and if Thomas ever discovered he needed it, Emile would never be able to provide that genuinely.
Maybe he could pretend, pretend he had those feelings if Thomas discovered he had some romantic feelings for Emile. It would be what Thomas would deserve, to be happy. Emile’s feelings didn’t matter when Thomas was unhappy. He had to be good partner, even if he was uncomfortable with the type of relationship. Emile would do it for Thomas, because he loved Thomas. Platonic love, but love all the same.
Emile was so wrapped up in his inner feelings, his commitment to being okay even when he wasn’t happy with the relationship for Thomas’s sake, that he didn’t hear Thomas thudding the groceries on the counter of the kitchen, laying his keys beside them, making a beeline for Emile’s bedroom, where both of them were sleeping for the night that night. They both had a method where they alternated sleeping separately, and then in each other’s bedrooms. Today was an Emile’s bedroom day.
The creaking of Emile’s door was the only warning Emile had before Thomas stuck his head in, Emile realized belatedly that in his mire, he had forgotten to close his door, which meant permission for Thomas to come in without knocking. They had used this method when the other was taking naps, which was exactly what Emile tried to make it look like he was doing, trying to quickly hide the small handful of tissues beside him and snuggling into a sleeping position before Thomas was able to see.
Judging by the soft gasp Thomas made after Emile closed his eyes, Emile was sure that Thomas knew that he was awake, but instead of saying something, he heard Thomas go back out the door, which brought to Emile’s mind that maybe Thomas didn’t love him anymore. Emile peeked on of his eyes open, tears coming to his eyes as the feeling of losing Thomas ripped through him for the umpteenth time that day.
However, when Thomas came back, something clinking as he walked in, Emile was curious what Thomas was doing. He heard another clink by his head, something being placed on his beside table. Now he was really curious, as he didn’t know what Thomas was doing with whatever object he had brought back.
His question was answered when Thomas shook him ‘awake’, gently saying, “Hey Em, time to wake up.”
Emile played the part, giving a little bit of a grace period before he ‘woke up,’ opening his eyes and sleepily and confusedly looking up at Thomas, praying his eyes weren’t noticeably puffy and red. And it seemed they weren’t as Thomas smiled, strangely laying a hand on Emile’s head.
“Ems, how long have you been sick? Did you see your patients sick? Even though you’re not going to the office, you still shouldn’t push yourself so much.” Thomas said, smoothing back Emile’s hair while doing so.
Emile was confused, he wasn’t sick he was- Oh, dang it, his nose must at least be red from it running because he was crying.
“’M not sick.” Emile mumbled, feeling genuinely drowsy all of a sudden, which surprised Emile.
“Well, the tissues I see beside you tell a different story.” Emile winced, realizing he wasn’t fast enough to hide them all.
“M’ not sick!” Thomas sighed above him, finally making eye contact with Emile, his hand freezing in Emile’s hair. Emile felt a chill do through him as he realized Thomas could tell Emile had been crying.
“Em, you’ve been crying! Oh, Em....” Thomas gently brought Emile upright, a warm hand on his arm that felt surprisingly good to Emile even though his room was plenty warm already.
“‘M fine! ‘M fine!” Emile said, gently squirming in Thomas’s grasp, inwardly cursing the tiny tear that escaped his eye even as he denied crying.
Thomas picked up on it immediately, going to wipe the tear, looking quite sternly yet still somehow gently at Emile as he spoke.
“Emile, please, you’re still crying. Can you tell me what’s wrong? I want to help.” Emile didn’t know which he wanted to do more, tell Thomas and let him break of the relationship or break of the relationship himself. Problem was, he didn’t want to hurt Thomas, but no matter what Emile said next, he knew it would hurt Thomas so he chose the easiest and best option he could think of.
The truth.
“I’m- I’m scared. Scared you’ll develop romantic feelings for someone else and leave me all behind. I wouldn’t judge you for abandoning, I want you to be happy and if being happy doesn’t include me in the future I’m fine with that. You deserve to be happy and I-”
“You deserve to be happy too!” Thomas interrupted Emile, stopping Emile in his tracks, mind reeling as Thomas ran his hands soothingly up and down Emile’s arms. Emile realized that he had begun to sob again, tears dripping down his face.
He couldn’t accept what Thomas was saying, he couldn’t! He didn’t deserve to prioritize his feelings over Thomas. He wasn’t worth worrying over-
“If I hear you say you’re not worth my love one more time, I will physically fight you!” Thomas’s words cut through the spiral Emile had been going down, Emile realizing he had been speaking aloud.
Thomas was looking at him with a fiery determination in his eyes now, hands on either side of Emile’s face.
“You are the moon and the stars for me! We may fight and get angry, but love is not just a feeling, it’s a commitment, to fight for what’s best for your partner, to protect one another and stay together! That’s not just some romantic bullcrap Emile, it’s love!”
Emile gazed into Thomas’s eyes, seeing all the love, concern, and determination in Thomas’s eyes. Emile’s brain ground to a halt.
Emile hadn’t realized that his conviction had ran so deep, that his whole idea of their bond was set on sand when there was a foundation of rock nearby that was their true foundations. He realized at that moment that from the moment Thomas had expressed his uncertainty with any romantic relationship, that Emile had assumed it was a guarantee that Thomas would leave him for another more ‘fulfilling’ romantic relationship. But Emile finally realized that wasn’t true at all.
Emile was fulfilling everything Thomas would ever want from him, a platonic bond that only they could have together. Emile realized he had assumed that if he had any other interest in someone else, that Thomas would prefer the romantic relationship over his and Emile’s platonic one. But Emile saw now that love never takes when a new relationship forms, but it gives more and abundantly if someone is added. Sure, Emile might not have as much time with or attention from Thomas if he ever had a romantic partner, but Thomas would never love Emile any less because of that.
Thomas appears to see the realization in Emile’s eyes, smiling sadly in sympathy as well as to comfort Emile.
“Emile, I love you, and I always will love you. I see the uncertainty in you, and I want to quell that.”
Thomas adjust his hands, bringing Emile’s face to again face him, Emile not even realizing he had been ducking his head. Emile’s eyes widened, looking into his partners eyes.
“Emile my QPP, my friend, my confidant. You are enough. You may not see what I see in you, but you are more than who you think you are. If there is ever a moment I feel anything for someone else, I will tell you first. You matter in this relationship, okay? Perhaps we should communicate our feelings a little better in the future.”
Emile didn’t know if that was his cue to nod, but he did anyway, wincing when everything start to spin. Focusing back in on Thomas, he saw Thomas looking at him concerned.
Emile smiled halfheartedly, feeling a sense of exhaustion washing over him he didn’t realize he had been holding back.
“I guess ‘m a little sick. Cried enough to make me sick. Sorry... I do love you, believe you, am a partner with you.” Thomas chuckled a little at that, helping Emile lay back down on his pillow, placing a hand on Emile’s forehead once again. Thomas hand felt good against Emile’s forehead, Emile closing his eyes to enjoy the feeling before Thomas’s hand retreated.
“Yeah, you feel like you’re starting to get a fever. Here I got some medicine for you, it’ll help your symptoms and help you sleep, though it seems like you may not need help with that.”
Emile wondered what Thomas meant before he realized he hadn’t opened his eyes again, opening them to see Thomas already ready with a small thing of liquid medicine. Thomas assisted Emile, holding him slightly upright enough to not be in fear of Emile chocking on the medicine.
Emile cringed at the taste of the medicine, but swallowed it all the same, knowing it would help his current state. Emile watched Thomas leave, closing his eyes a moment before suddenly feeling something on his head, opening his eyes to see Thomas had gotten a damp washcloth and laid it on Emile’s forehead. Emile was a little shocked he had become so unaware so quickly, losing time already, but he settled into the fact he was more tired than he thought and his sickness wasn’t helping.
He waited for the medicine to kick in, to make him more drowsy. however, Thomas apparently had other ideas, taking Emile’s hand in his, holding it to hopefully comfort Emile, which to Thomas’s credit, was definitely working.
Emile opened his eyes, a little startled to realize Thomas has at some point removed his glasses without Emile knowing as everything thing was blurry now. However, Thomas was crystal clear, the quiet concern he had for Emile showing through his gentle concerned smile.
Emile couldn’t muster up the energy to speak even if he wanted to as he could tell the medicine was kicking in, his eyes starting to flutter without Emile meaning to. Thomas could tell as he lightly squeezed Emile’s hand, whispered to his partner.
“Sweet dreams, Em.”
Emile felt his face sluggishly turn to a smile, managing to hum, not knowing exactly what he was trying to communicate only knowing his partner was there to take care of him, just like Emile was always willing to take care of Thomas.
Thomas is a good partner... love him....he...loves....me......