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***
It was Kairi that pointed it out to him. Sora liked to think he would have noticed it himself eventually but no, he probably wouldn’t have. It was pretty simple, really, and Sora wondered how no one else had noticed. Because it was this:
Roxas was always the one to miss out.
And the majority of the time, it was Roxas himself who made it that way.
Once Kairi had pointed it out to him, Sora had been able to think of numerous occasions where it had happened. Like the time they’d had a beach study group and they’d been one pen short so Roxas had just passed his over, assuring them he’d copy Xion’s notes later. Or the time Sora had visited Twilight Town and they’d realised they didn’t have enough munny to buy five ice-creams and Roxas had offered his to Olette and accepted no arguments. Or even last week, when Sora had been babbling on about the large cowrie shell he’d found and Roxas had been confused so they’d gone looking and they’d only found one and Roxas had gently pushed it into Sora’s hands. Sora had accepted it at the time but looking back he wondered why he’d even taken it. He already had one! That was what had started their whole adventure in the first place!
“Why?” Sora asked.
Kairi just shrugged, placing her shoes in her locker and walking to their first class. “He probably doesn’t even realise he’s doing it.”
Sora frowned but didn’t get to respond as the bell rang. Ah well, they could talk about it at lunch. If he remembered…
***
“Hey Ven, you should teach A-...Lea how to do that fire move you pulled on me the other day.”
Ven lit up, grinning and turning to Lea. Lea gave him a thumbs up in return, heading further down the beach so others wouldn’t get caught in the crossfire. Riku had already paired off with Terra, working on brute strength rather than finesse. Xion was helping Kairi and Sora was rocking his weight from side to side, a little lost.
“Earth to Sora,” Roxas teased, bopping him on the head. “Why don’t you train with Aqua? You said you were bummed about not being a keyblade master.”
“I never said that!” Sora protested in a squawk, Roxas chuckling and Aqua trying and failing to hide a laugh behind her hand.
“Well, I can offer some help anyway?”
“Fine,” Sora grumbled before shaking the bad mood away. In actual fact, he loved these keyblade wielder training sessions. They were a lot of fun and everyone got to improve the areas they wanted to work on and could go along at their own place. Plus, there were enough friendly competitions and spars thrown in to keep everyone on their toes. Privately, Aqua was probably Sora’s favourite person to work with. She had the ability of being able to push while somehow being really gentle about it. And she never made Sora feel like an idiot, even when he knew he was being one. Perhaps the best part was that Aqua knew a whole bunch of spells that Sora didn’t and he was always keen to learn more magic.
Fumbling one such spell, Sora winced when the spell went haywire and ended up shooting backwards. He sent an apology Aqua’s way and went to call one to Ven, who was seated at the base of the waterfall before doing a double take because that wasn’t Ven, that was Roxas. Roxas who was...Sora suddenly went cold, dread pouring into him. Roxas had paired them all off and then, because of there were nine of them, had been the odd one out. Had no one noticed? Did this happen every time? Sora racked his brain trying to think of a time he’d been paired with Roxas, only to come up blank.
“Sora?” Aqua called worriedly.
Sora’s shoulders caved in, voice struggling to stay level. “Has he been there the whole time?”
Aqua didn’t understand at first before looking over Sora’s shoulder. She then sucked in a sharp breath. “He didn’t have a partner?”
Sora shook his head, glancing at Roxas only to find Roxas meeting his gaze. His nobody offered a smile and a wave, feet swinging absently.
“He never says,” Sora croaked.
Aqua’s lips thinned and she gave him a nudge. “Then go ask him. He can join with us.”
“He can’t do magic,” Sora pointed out before snapping himself out of his mood. “But we can do something he can do! I’ll go ask!”
Unfortunately, as Sora did so, Roxas’ phone rang. He had it answered before the second ring, the smile alone enough to tell Sora who was on the other end. Sora was only in time to give Roxas a hand up to his feet, his other half giving him an exasperated look. “Hayner fell down the stairs and twisted his ankle. I gotta go cover his shift at the bistro. Thanks though, for inviting me.”
He went to leave, Sora’s hand snapping around his wrist. Roxas looked taken aback but Sora just squeezed harder. “Roxas, why didn’t you say?”
It took Roxas a moment to understand what he meant but when he did, his answer was somehow worse. His answer came in the form of a sad huff and the words, “Well, a nobody doesn’t even have the right to be, you know.”
And just like that, he vanished, taking Sora’s heart with him.
***
Sora lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He’d seen Aqua exchanging words with Terra and Ven when their training session had come to an end so he was pretty confident she had a handle on the Roxas situation from her end. Kairi had tossed it out to Riku, who’d gone into that pensive and quiet mood he often did. The only people Sora hadn’t touched base with were any of the Twilight Town gang. He’d considered calling Lea but decided it was more a face to face conversation and Sora had been going to check in on Roxas but then, he didn’t know when Roxas finished work and Roxas could be...defensive when it came to things like this.
“Next time,” Sora promised himself, rolling over in bed, taking one last look at the stars before letting himself drift off to sleep.
It was still dark when he awoke though, Sora not entirely sure what was wrong only that something was. There was an ache in his chest and not like he’d taken a blow to it. More inside, in his heart.
If I’m a servant, then you should consider yourself a tool at best.
Sora jerked at the foreign voice, sure he’d heard it before but unable to place it. The words though...who would say that? And why? It was so purposefully mean. The words were also accompanied by a throb in his chest, Sora cringing. A hand came to clutch his chest, vainly trying to push the pain away.
A nobody doesn’t have a right to know. Nor does it even have the right to be.
“Roxas?” Sora called into the darkness, not expecting a reply but unable to keep from trying because those words, the pain… “Roxas, I’m here.”
Only silence met his ears but somewhere, somewhere deep inside him, there was something that sounded suspiciously like a sob. Sora focused on that sound, letting himself get pulled down into the depths of his heart. He could see his own heart and parallel to it, Roxas’. Roxas throbbed in pain, the vibrant oranges fading into a deeper purple.
“Roxas? Roxas, can you hear me?”
Sora…
For a moment, Sora thought he’d made contact and then,
You’re lucky. Looks like my summer vacation is...over.
The most painful throb of all came there, accompanied by more tears. “Roxas!” Sora cried, desperation entering his tone.
“He’s asleep; he can’t hear you.”
Sora whipped around, Ven standing behind him, a sad smile on his face. At Sora’s questioning look, he just shrugged. “I felt it too. Maybe because we’re all connected, in our own ways.” He glanced around. “I couldn’t get to Roxas’ heart though, I had to come through yours.”
“He’s half of me,” Sora said. “And he always will be.”
No! My heart belongs to me!
Sora winced, Ven frowning. “He’s trapped. Somewhere dark. A memory?”
“I think I know,” Sora admitted. “This is...I think this is before Roxas really knew about me. And all he knew was. He had to disappear to make me whole again. He was scared.”
“I would be too,” Ven said, taking a seat and hugging his knees to his chest. Sora settled in beside him, eyes locked on the swirling glass across from him. “Can you give him a memory?” Ven asked. “One of the good ones you have about him?”
Sora blinked. “How do I do that?”
Ven hummed. “Well, I don’t really know. Maybe just...focus on your connection. And with it, all the things you remember about him. A better memory, to overwrite this one.”
“Worth a shot,” Sora said, giving Ven a thumbs up. He then did as asked, breathing deeply and focusing on Roxas, letting himself to drawn towards his nobody’s heart. When he felt close enough, he let the memory consume him, the one of him helping Roxas set up his bedroom, passing along the pride and happiness they’d felt at Roxas having something that was completely his own.
Ven straightened a bit, eyes squinting. “Whatever you’re doing Sora, it’s working!”
You were never supposed to exist, Roxas.
What? How could you even say such a thing? Even if it were true.
Sora grit his teeth, hating the crushing sadness that came with that. He fed across another memory, of him and Roxas rolling through the sand on the islands, laughing and play fighting. And another, of Lea tripping while trying to skateboard. And more. Roxas knocking Riku headfirst into an oncoming wave. His first trip to the Land of Departure. Roxas and Hayner holding hands as they waved Sora off at the station.
Sora…
Sora beamed. “Heya Roxas. Don’t worry, I’ll stay with you, okay?”
Roxas didn’t reply but there was warmth in his heart again, that pressure lifting. The darkness faded away, Roxas’ heart as shining and glowing like a sunset as always. Still, Sora held onto that connection, letting his own warmth mix with Roxas’.
“He okay?” Ven asked.
“He’s okay now.”
Ven accepted that, getting to his feet and seemingly about to go before he hesitated. “Can you…”
“I’ll check on him tomorrow,” Sora assured, inexplicably glad when Ven was relieved by that. The more people looking out for Roxas, the better.
***
Sora had excused himself the following afternoon from study group, much to Kairi and Selphie’s displeasure but once Sora had mouthed ‘Roxas’ over Selphie’s head, Kairi had relented. Riku had offered to come with but then he’d seen the whisper of Roxas too and retracted his offer. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Roxas, more like Roxas still wasn’t overly fond of Riku. And plus, to show what Roxas would call weakness in front of Riku? Yeah, that was never going to happen.
As it happened, Sora arrived on the train platform just as Olette and Pence did, straight from school and about to take the tram home. “Oh, Sora!” Pence called upon sighting him.
Sora waved back, dodging past a couple of other kids and coming to their side. He pulled Olette into a one-armed hug and high-fived Pence. “How’s it going?”
“We’re good!” Olette replied, worming free and adjusting her bag strap with a poked out tongue. “You avoiding studying? Kairi told me you had an assignment due this week.”
Sora flushed, scratching at his cheek sheepishly. “N-not exactly!” He peered round them. “Where’re Roxas and Hayner?”
Olette rolled her eyes while Pence laughed, pointing at the stairs up to the platform. “Apparently Hayner “left his notebook at school”. They’ll be here just as train arrives, you’ll see.”
“Huh?”
Sora got no further explanation, heading to the barrier and looking down. Oh, right. He quickly pulled away, clearing his throat while Pence merely laughed louder. Okay, so Sora didn’t, you know, make a habit of...making out the way Roxas did. He just wished he didn’t have to go some damn red about it!
At least Olette didn’t have time to rib him over it, the tram pulling up. Just like they’d predicted, Hayner and Roxas came running as the whistle blew, sliding into the carriage seconds before the doors closed. To his credit, Hayner did have a notebook in his hand but they all saw through it. Especially with how flushed they were. Not to mention their kiss swollen lips and ruffled uniforms. Sora pouted childishly. How did Roxas have it so easy when he still couldn’t pluck up the courage to kiss Kairi or Riku?
“Oh hey Sora,” Hayner said, leaning around Pence and spotting him, Roxas jumping as well. “What’re you doing here?”
Sora glanced to Roxas, who gave him absolutely nothing. He pasted on a smile. “Just...got a few things to talk over. Um, with Roxas.”
“You sure about that?” Olette asked, squeaking when Roxas hip-checked her just as the tram rounded a bend. “You so did that on purpose!”
“Can’t prove it,” he shot back, Hayner cackling.
“Meanies,” Olette grumbled though her eyes were filled with nothing but mirth.
“Well, if you have to talk to Roxas, you may as well come with us,” Pence offered, grabbing Hayner when he mindlessly went to get off. “Next stop.”
Hayner barely even looked up from his phone, zooming in on something before showing it to Roxas. Roxas leant in, intrigued, and soon they were whispering amongst themselves.
“There’s a new struggle tournament coming up,” Pence explained, nudging Sora the next time the tram stopped. They all clambered out, weaving through the other people getting off and turning down the alley that led them to the usual spot. Sora knew a little about struggle, enough to know the rules. And that Hayner had won last year but Roxas had won in the digital Twilight Town. They each had a piece of the trophy to prove it too.
“So whatever it is you gotta talk to Roxas about,” Hayner said as they stepped inside, dropping onto his usual position atop the radiator. “You need us to leave?”
Sora thought on that. “Well, I guess it’s up to Roxas.”
Roxas looked bewildered. “I don’t...Is this about last night? The dreams?”
Hayner’s eyes narrowed but Sora was already shaking his head. “No, before that. Back on the islands.”
That only made Roxas more confused. “What about the islands?”
Sora fisted his hands on his hips. “Uh, maybe the part where you said you don’t have a right to exist because you’re a nobody!”
“What?!”
“Roxas!”
“No way!”
Roxas shied away at the shouts aimed at him but he didn’t look apologetic. “It’s just something DiZ said. And I mean, come on. I-I’m not really...People are more important than me. Right…?”
If he was hoping for support, he got none. Sora just shook his head in disappointment while Hayner actually slapped him over the head. “You’re such a...bonehead! Seriously Roxas? What makes you think you’re worth less than us!”
“But I am!”
“Roxas, no,” Olette whispered, kneeling beside him on the couch and wrapping her arms around him.
“You have a heart, don’t you?” Pence challenged. “That makes you the same as us!”
Roxas’ eyes flew to Sora. “But I...I’m Sora’s…”
“Roxas, you’re not mine,” Sora said, coming to kneel in front of him, clasping Roxas’ hands in his. “Not if you don’t want to be. You’re not half of me, and I’m not half of you. I’m complete, just the way I am. And so are you. You don’t have to...tie yourself to me.”
“But if you lose yourself again, then I…” Roxas’ grip tightened. “Sora, I’d give myself up for you. I’d have to. Because I wanted to.”
“But I wouldn’t ask you to,” Sora argued, Roxas jerking back. “I didn’t ask the first time either. And yes, it meant I got myself back but losing you? Roxas, I can’t take your life. It’s yours, not mine. You earned it.”
Roxas’ shoulders started to shake, Sora shifting back and indicating for Hayner to take his place. “You three have got it from here, right?”
Hayner’s eyes flashed in determination. “Oh don’t worry, we’ve got it alright.” He pushed Roxas back, climbing into his lap and trapping him between his knees. “And we’re gonna make sure he knows just how much he means to us and just how much right he has to it too.”
Sora didn’t doubt it, leaning down to press a kiss to Roxas’ hair. “Stop sacrificing yourself for our sakes, alright?”
Roxas managed a weak nod before he was being crushed under the weight of his best friends. Perfect.
***