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“I don’t know, Tome, it’s getting late.” Serizawa said, tapping the table rhythmically with his fingertips. His empty glass of water rested an inch or so away from his pinkie finger, and his empty bowl had been pushed towards the end of the table. His ankle was periodically kicked lightly by Tome’s swinging legs. Her food was half-eaten and abandoned.
They’d gone out to get dinner to celebrate Tome passing all of her end-of-term finals. Reigen would’ve come along, but he’d caught some stomach bug and could barely keep water down, let alone an entire meal. Tome had looked downcast as Serizawa explained that Reigen couldn’t make it, but her eyes lit back up when he said they could just go by themselves. It always felt special when Serizawa and Tome got to hang out without another presence. Serizawa got a tiny flicker of what he’d missed out on as a teenager, as he was able to give in to a little immaturity, and Tome got to hang out with an adult that wouldn’t judge her for her interests. It was a win-win, until Tome decided that they should go stargazing at eight o’clock at night. She usually got home by six.
“Come on, it’ll be fun,” she insisted, nudging Serizawa’s knee with the tip of her shoe. “You have to see the world , Serizawa. This is part of the world.”
“I’ve already seen a lot of the world,” Serizawa countered. “We can always go another time.”
“I don’t want to go another time,” Tome sighed, exasperated, and pushed her bowl to the side so she could lean over the table. It was a miracle that there weren’t many people in the establishment to see her theatrics. “The sky’s clear. Cabs are still out. I passed my tests with flying colors. Reigen’s gone. I don’t have school tomorrow. This is literally the perfect opportunity.”
“...It’s late, Tome,” Serizawa repeated, refusing to look her in the eyes. He scanned the muted decorations strung around the room. He watched as a group of kids were escorted out by their exasperated parents.
“Serizawa.” Tome said. Her voice was full of conviction. “You’re supposed to be the fun adult.”
Damn right he was the fun adult.
That’s how Serizawa found himself in the backseat of a cab with Tome, on the way to what she claimed was an excellent stargazing spot. The whole way there, she went on and on about constellations and how ancient people used them to navigate (and communicate with extraterrestrials). Her hands gesticulated so wildly that she knocked her knuckles against the car window a few times. The driver never told her to stop, however, so she kept going the entire time as the car rounded corners, climbed hills, and crawled to a stop.
The cab pulled over to the side of a hilly, winding road. Trees encased them to the left and right, intimidating and black. There was nothing but road to the front and back. “This is as far as I can take you,” the cab driver said, and made eye contact with Serizawa through the rearview mirror. Serizawa slid his gaze to the forest. He had not signed up for this. Something cold rolled around in his chest. It wasn’t that forest. Still.
He handed a few bills over to the driver and stepped out of the car. Tome followed suit, slapping some loose change into the palm of the driver. She saluted him as he drove off and immediately checked her phone for reception. “Yeah, we’re good. Come on, I think I remember the way.”
“You think?” Serizawa asked skeptically, as Tome began to march onto the beaten path. The soil was humid and dark and speckled with drying remnants of leaves. Cold bit at Serizawa’s nose. Tome hadn’t said there was going to be a hike involved.
“Yeah, Reigen took me and my friends here on New Year’s.” Tome said confidently. Serizawa followed her into the trees.
“You mean, when you met the aliens?” Serizawa asked. He’d been out with friends.
“Yes.” Tome said proudly. She looked unfazed by the cold and the dark. She was much braver than most people her age. “Do you believe me about that, by the way? Most people think I’m lying.”
Serizawa rubbed his hands together as he and Tome settled into a casual walking pace. The path began to steepen. “Of course I believe you. I don’t think Reigen would lie about that kind of thing, either.”
Tome snorted. “One of the few things.”
“Hey,” Serizawa chastised, trying to suppress his smile. “I’m technically your superior. I’m not gonna let you trash talk Reigen just because he’s not here.”
Tome gave him a weird look, like she knew something he didn’t. “You’re boring.”
“I have superpowers.”
“Big whoop.”
Silence washed over them, shaded by the trees. The path was dimly lit with dull, muted moonlight. When the overhanging branches were rustled by the breeze, their fluttering leaves made the moonlight turn the path to glitter. It was fun to watch, and reminded Serizawa of his own aura. Romanticising his powers was new to him, but he wasn’t planning to stop.
“Can I ask you something?” Tome broke the silence after a few minutes.
“Sure.”
“How’d you meet Reigen? Like, how’d you go from… your old job… to this job?” She asked, staring pointedly at the ground. Her ears were red. Most likely from embarrassment. Serizawa saw people make that face often when they asked so bluntly about his past. “It’s a pretty big career shift.”
Serizawa laughed. “Yeah, it was.” He cracked his knuckles as he thought. The sound was louder between the hollow spaces of the trees. “So, you remember when Suzuki was trying to take over the world and half the city got demolished, obviously.”
His voice always changed when he talked about Claw. His throat closed up and his tongue got heavy, like the memories turned to tar and dripped down into his windpipe. There wasn’t much he could do about it but push through.
“My position was basically as an active bodyguard. Most of the time, I stood behind Suzuki and watched from the sidelines. I was a glorified human shield. I was meant to attack anyone that showed hostility towards him.” He cleared his throat and paused to catch his breath. Shame did things to a person. “When Claw took the tower, Shigeo and his friends led an… I hate to talk about it so militaristically. It wasn’t really a battle, it was a bunch of kids trying to stop very bad people from doing very bad things. It wasn’t fair, and it shouldn’t have been happening. I knew that. When Suzuki started fighting his own son… it was barely a fight. It was a…”
Serizawa’s voice cut off and he covered it with a cough. He stepped over a fallen tree trunk and held Tome’s hand to steady her as she pulled herself up and over the bark.
“Anyways, I left the room because I couldn’t stand to see it anymore. I knew if I got too overwhelmed I might hurt people. And I just… it’s a terrible thing to watch. I should’ve stepped in.” Serizawa stilled completely, arms limp at his sides.
“Yeah, and Suzuki shouldn’t have been trying to take over the world and I shouldn’t have cheated on my math final.” Tome said with a calculated shrug.
Serizawa shook his head. “I guess that’s fair.” They started down the path again. “Anyways, I left the room and ran into Shigeo. I tried to fight him, but he kept… he just kept talking. About how I was being used. And how I wasn’t actually seen as a person by my ‘friends’. And how he knew what real friendship was like. He showed me. He used his powers and he showed me what real friendship looked like. It was all I’d ever wanted. But he also showed me his low moments. The times when he couldn’t control his powers. It was all I’d ever known. I’d never known the friendship part, though. I didn’t know I could even have that kind of thing.”
“You can, though.” Tome cut in, kicking a pebble down the path.
“I know I can. I didn’t at the time, and I never did before.” Serizawa said. The trees were beginning to thin out, but the path grew ever steeper. “So I came to terms with everything I’d been doing, and I decided that I didn’t want my happiness to come from other people’s suffering.”
“So where does Reigen come in?” Tome asked.
“He kind of ruined my moment, actually.” Serizawa laughed. “After Shigeo had left, I was sitting on the stairs crying my eyes out and processing everything. And then Reigen came running up the stairs with a toy gun. He looked half dead. I recognized him as Shigeo’s master from the memories, so I told him where Shigeo went. He thanked me and ran right past.”
“He’s a moron.”
“Absolutely.” Serizawa said fondly. Tome made a face. “I knew he didn’t have any psychic powers. Shigeo knew that, so I knew that, too. It clicked that a powerless guy had just sprinted up the stairs to go have a showdown with Suzuki with nothing but a toy gun, so I grabbed my umbrella– I carried that around with me constantly, long story– and got there just in time. Suzuki had tried to incinerate Reigen with a psychic blast, so I ran up and shielded him.”
Tome whistled. “So you totally saved his life.”
“I guess so.”
“And you still let him boss you around? He owes you his literal life! He should do whatever you tell him!” Tome argued passionately. She deepened her voice, impersonating Serizawa. “‘Reigen, go get me some tea.’ ‘Reigen, give me a raise.’ ‘Reigen, remember when I saved your life? Okay, so quit your job and give it to me.’”
“I’m not gonna do that.” Serizawa said with a laugh.
“Why the hell not?”
Serizawa looked up at the stars. He could see them clearly, now that the heavy blanket of leaves had trickled away from view. They didn’t just dot the sky, like they did in the city. They swept across it, in bold, sparkling brush strokes. Hues of blue swaddled the hoards of stars. Purples and pinks sectioned the night sky into grid-like squares. Stars spilled out of the borders and mingled with their sisters and brothers.
“Serizawa, I asked why the hell not.” Tome repeated. Serizawa drew his gaze away from the sky.
“Oh, because we’re even.” He answered, like it was the simplest thing in the world. “I saved his life and he saved mine. He offered me a job immediately after it was all over. I didn’t have anywhere to go until he reached out.”
“That’s bullshit. I still think you should be in charge of him until the day he dies.” Tome said. She dropped it, however, when the path finally fanned out into a clearing. They’d reached a grassy hilltop, unburdened by trees and brush. There was nothing but stars.
Serizawa felt himself get tugged downwards. Tome had linked her elbow with his and brought him down to her height. With her free arm, she pointed passionately at the sky. “Right there.” She said with absolute certainty. Her grin nearly split her face in half. “That’s where the aliens came from. That cluster of stars.”
Serizawa followed the edge of her finger to a speckle of spacedust. He listened as closely as possible as she recounted that night. Her friends. Reigen. The guilt she had felt as they fed into her fantasies. Takenaka coming clean. Shigeo using his powers to help, as he always seemed to do. The aliens and their huge, sparkling eyes. Inukawa… getting left on the UFO and not returning for ten days.
“What, you just left him?” Serizawa asked, and Tome flailed her hand dismissively.
Somehow, they found themselves sprawled on their backs in the damp grass. Serizawa traced constellations with his finger, recalling distant memories of an astrology book he’d read during his fifth year alone. Tome pointed out the constellations she knew. She knew a lot more than Serizawa did. It made him hopeful. There’d always be new things for him to learn.
“I have another question.” Tome asked, hands folded. They rested neatly on her stomach, a sharp contrast to the way her hair lolled between the blades of grass.
“Go for it.”
“If you could go back,” Tome started cautiously. “And not… join Claw, or… never lock yourself in your room at all, would you do it?”
Serizawa hummed. “I used to ask myself that a lot. I’d lose sleep over it.” His eyes jumped from star cluster to star cluster, from Andromeda to Aries. “I don’t think that question is worth agonizing over. Of course I want those fifteen years back. Of course I would’ve liked to have a childhood. Of course I regret ever believing in Suzuki. Of course I regret hurting people.”
He fell silent for a few moments. Tome threaded her fingers between the grass and tore up clumps as she waited. She looked nervous and burdened by the weight of the conversation.
“But I like where I am now.” Serizawa said. He had never in his life been more sure of anything. “I like seeing the people I see every day. I like working for Reigen. I like being here, right now, with you. So I think that makes ‘would I’s and ‘could I’s irrelevant. I wouldn’t trade my life right now for anything. Does that make sense?”
Tome nodded. “Yeah,” she sat up. Her eyes were a little glazed over, but she didn’t look upset.
“Oh, yeah.” Serizawa said. He sat up and looked at his watch. “You know, when Shigeo showed me his memories, you were there. I was so excited to meet you when you showed up to the office for the first time.”
“Really?” Tome asked, eyes wide.
“Yeah.” Serizawa said, and rose to his feet. He held his hand out to help Tome up.
She glanced back at the stars. “Sometimes I wish I could get closer to them.”
“I used to watch documentaries about space. I’d touch the screen to see if the stars were warm.” Serizawa admitted. “I never got to see them in real life, because I… didn’t like looking at the window. It made me too sad to see what I was missing out on.”
“You’re a real bummer sometimes, Serizawa.” Tome said, not unkindly.
“Don’t I know it.” He slapped his forehead. “Oh my God. I can’t believe I didn’t think of– here, get on. Get on my back.”
Tome squinted at him. “Why?” She asked, but complied anyway. Her arms wrapped loosely around Serizawa’s neck, and he held her legs up with his palms.
Serizawa shifted and rolled out his shoulders. “Are you afraid of heights?”
“Oh my God. Go. Go, go, go!” Tome said. She caught on fast. Serizawa laughed and closed his eyes. It took a good amount of concentration to get himself off the ground. It happened involuntarily back in the day, and it wasn’t something he did often. Flying made him a little dizzy, no matter the circumstances.
His shoes left the dirt and they slowly began to rise towards the sky. Serizawa’s aura was bright, but not intrusive. The stars did not dim like they did under the city lights. If anything, they welcomed the cosmic nature of Serizawa’s aura– the purples, the shimmering, the circles of light. Tome’s grip around Serizawa’s shoulders tightened and she pressed her chin into his shoulder. Her legs wrapped around his waist tightly, and she laughed hysterically the whole way up.
“This is crazy. This is crazy,” she chanted when they were well above the treeline. She yawned, probably to get her ears to pop. There was no way she felt tired. Her eyes were split wide open, and split only wider when she looked down towards the ground. Her chest pressed against Serizawa’s back as she began to hyperventilate.
“I got you.” Serizawa said, shifting around a bit. Wind brushed past his cheeks. He nodded in the direction of the stars. “Show me Perseus again.”