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1.
It’s not like Tang Yi ever really had trouble sleeping. Not like what he’s heard some people go through, twisting and turning the whole night before stumbling out of bed, bleary-eyed and miserable. He usually got about six hours of sleep, managed to stick to a proper sleeping pattern most days, and rarely, if ever, took naps.
After all, it was better to just stay awake and get some work done than to be subjected to the nightmares.
The first time Shaofei properly sleeps over - in Tang Yi’s bed instead of the guest room, one arm slung loosely over Tang Yi’s stomach and softly breathing into his neck -, Tang Yi sleeps for nine full hours without any nightmares.
“It’s because I’m such a calming influence,” Shaofei says with a calm look on his face that contradicts the smug tone of his voice.
Tang Yi raises an eyebrow at his boyfriend over his glass of milk. “It’s just a fluke.”
“You’ll see,” Shaofei shrugs before shoving a fork full of egg into his mouth and chewing loudly. “These need more spice,” he adds around his mouthful of food.
“Absolutely not.” Spice? In eggs, at breakfast? He’s dating a madman. Tang Yi supposes he knew that from the beginning, considering their history, but with any other person this would’ve been a breaking point. He cooks his eggs perfectly, thank you very much.
As for the sleeping thing, well. Tang Yi rarely sleeps more than six hours and without nightmares. This was definitely an exception. A welcome one, but an exception nonetheless.
He’s not counting on it happening again anytime soon.
2.
“You look well-rested today,” Hongye says, a look of disbelief and worry on her face.
“Good morning to you, too” Tang Yi says at the same time Shaofei says “it’s because I was there.”
Hongye glares at Shaofei before deciding to ignore his entire existence and focusing on Tang Yi instead.
“It’s not that you never look well-rested,” she continues. “You look...calmer. Less likely to murder anyone who gets even remotely in your way. Are you ill?”
“I’m fine,” he says, ignoring Shaofei’s burst of laughter next to him. He walks into the kitchen to start preparing breakfast, and he can practically feel Hongye glaring at Shaofei behind him.
“Did you sleep well?” she asks, leaning on the counter with her palms as he starts mixing eggs with milk. Shaofei somehow manages to sit down loudly.
“Fine, as always. Please hand me the bread.”
“No nightmares?”
He pauses for a moment to watch the bread soak up the mixture. Then he turns away to switch on the stove and start heating up a pan.
“No. No nightmares.”
“Hm,” Hongye hums meaningfully as she turns around and crosses her arms. From the corner of his eye he can see her cock her head as she looks in Shaofei’s direction.
“When was the last time that happened?”
“I don’t remember.” He swirls butter through the pan, relishing in the smell of melting butter spreading through the kitchen and, judging by Shaofei’s reactions, into the dining room.
“Liar,” Hongye says, picking up the bowl with the bread mixture.
“Love you too.”
He’d missed just taking the time to cook an indulgent breakfast together with his sister. More often than not, he’d just whip up some eggs and sausages and plain bread and barely take the time to actually sit down and eat it. He loves cooking in and of itself, but he loves cooking for and, more importantly, with other people more.
He takes the bowl from Hongye and starts putting the bread in the pan, carefully frying it as she quietly watches.
“I still don’t like him,” she says as she hands him a plate.
“I know.” He puts a sprinkle of sugar and cinnamon on the first plate. “This one’s yours.”
“But I guess at least he helps you sleep better.” She hands him another plate.
He takes it quietly and puts what he considers an obscene amount of sugar and cinnamon on the next toast, knowing fully well Shaofei is going to add more anyway.
“This one’s for him,” is all he says in reply.
3.
In prison, with no work and no Shaofei and no Hongye to distract him, the nightmares get free rein.
“You look exhausted,” Shaofei says, worry written all over his face. “Are you sleeping okay?”
“I’m fine,” Tang Yi grunts. He’s not, but he doesn’t want Shaofei to worry about him.
“Tang Yi, be honest with me.”
“I said I’m fine.” It comes out more harsh than he intended, and he regrets it immediately when he sees Shaofei’s face fall.
“I’m sorry. I’m..tired. It’s just -”
“The nightmares are back?” Shaofei says softly, kindly. Tang Yi just nods.
He’ll make it through, he’s sure. They’ll make it through, together, somehow. By the time he gets out, almost the entire Hsin-Tien group should be legitimized, and he’ll really get to build this new, normal life with Shaofei, the kind of life he’s dreamed of and worked so hard for.
The thought alone might not be enough to stop the nightmares, or the violence within the prison, but it’s enough to keep his resolve strong and to keep him going.
“Hang in there, okay?” Shaofei continues. “Soon enough we can sleep together again and the nightmares will go away.”
“That’s not how it works.”
“Sure it does!” Shaofei beams happily. “I’ve told you before, I’m a calming influence.” He grins at Tang Yi, who is wondering once again why, exactly, he loves this man so much.
“There’s nothing calming about you.”
“You find me that sexy, huh.” Shaofei wriggles his eyebrows at him.
“Please shut up.” Tang Yi tries to sound serious. But Shaofei always manages to make him laugh anyway.
“No, I don’t think I will,” Shaofei grins. Then he turns serious again. “For real though, you know that I love you and I miss you, right? I worry about you, all alone in here.”
Tang Yi feels his heart break a little. He presses his hand against the cold glass separating them. “I know. I promise I’ll be okay.”
Shaofei presses his hand against Tang Yi’s, who pretends he can feel some of the heat seeping through.
That night, he sleeps a little bit better.
4.
Sleep over tonight
Tang Yi’s never been one for longer-than-strictly-necessary texts, or emoji, or really anything that might show emotions, and although he’s getting better at it, he knows he still has a long way to go.
He’s also still working on actually using words to ask for what he wants rather than just assuming everyone around him will somehow know. Shaofei sometimes complains about “being ordered around” and “why can’t you just talk”, but he knows Tang Yi is trying. Habits formed from a life of trauma and repression are, to put it simply, difficult to break.
He mostly says it as a joke, anyway. Mostly.
Why??
Shaofei’s reply is followed by an animated picture of a rabbit looking shocked. Tang Yi’s been informed these are called “stickers”, and that they are used to convey reactions and emotions, and that he should give it a try sometime. Given that he’s also been informed he has a ‘stony face’ and doesn’t show any expression in real life, he has no intention whatsoever to start using these stickers on Line. Ever.
Because I ask you to.
Aww you miss me, followed by a rabbit with shining hearts for eyes.
I just want to keep an eye on you before you get into more trouble.
I love you too. I’ll come over after work! Cook something delicious for me? This one is followed by an animated bowl of ramen throwing a peace sign.
Everything I cook is delicious.
Zhao Zi and Jack say they want proof of this and that they’re coming over, too.
“Jack should know better than to critique my cooking skills,” Tang Yi says the moment everyone steps into the house.
“I’m not,” Jack glares. “But Ah Zi and Shaofei have a bet going on which of us is the better cook. I think they’re just doing it for the extra food, but I have something to prove now.” His glare changes into a smirk suddenly. “I will win this, of course. I hope you won’t mind too much.”
Tang Yi smiles back at him as he extends his hand. “Challenge accepted.”
There’s no winner to the bet, and Tang Yi and Jack shake hands on it for the sake of their boyfriends who are currently dozing off on the couch in a food coma. Tang Yi won’t admit it, but Jack is not a bad chef, even if he mostly seems to waste his skills on instant ramen.
That night, with his belly full of good food and his hand on Shaofei’s chest, feeling it slowly rise and fall with each breath he takes in his sleep, Tang Yi feels, well. Content. Happy.
Sleepy, and not at all scared of going to sleep.
So he closes his eyes, and lets himself drift off to sleep.
5.
He’s just settling down in bed with a new book when there’s a call, from Yuqi. She always sounds stressed no matter what she’s doing, but it’s worse than usual.
“Tang Yi, you have to come to the hospital. It’s Shaofei. He-” Tang Yi doesn’t even let her finish the sentence before he’s hung up the phone and on his way to the car, pulling on a sweater as he walks. He’s still in his slippers. He really doesn’t care about that right now.
By the time he arrives, one of the new officers is waiting for him at the doors. She’s one of the young, idealistic ones, like how Zhao Zi and Yuqi used to be, before. Like how he thinks Shaofei might have been, at some point - and in a way still is. Tang Yi doesn’t remember her name, but she definitely recognizes him and starts talking to him the moment he’s close enough. Tang Yi walks right past her, hearing her try to keep up with his long strides. After all, he doesn’t need her. Shaofei practically has his own private room by now, so he knows where to go.
Seeing Shaofei unconscious in a hospital bed never gets any less terrifying.
He moves a chair next to the bed, and clasps Shaofei’s hand in his own, only partially registering what’s being said to him. None of it matters anyway. All that matters is the calm and consistent beeping of the ECG and the weight of Shaofei’s hand in his own.
There’s a hand on his shoulder, and someone saying Shaofei will be okay, and then he’s alone.
He doesn’t sleep at all that night.
The next morning, Shaofei wakes up for a short while. He smiles at Tang Yi, who immediately feels a weight lift off his shoulders.
“Don’t scare me like that again. I thought you were really gone this time,” Tang Yi says. He ignores the tears on his cheeks - wiping them away would mean letting go of Shaofei’s hand, and that’s not happening anytime soon. Besides, he doesn't mind Shaofei seeing him like this.
“You know I love proving you wrong,” Shaofei says in a raspy voice. “Did you get any sleep at all?”
“Yes. I’m fine, I promise.”
“Liar.”
This whole ‘people knowing you and seeing through your blatant lies’ thing would be incredibly annoying, if it didn’t inexplicably warm Tang Yi’s heart everytime. He never thought he’d appreciate being called a liar by his loved ones, yet here he is.
“Mm. Love you.”
“Love you too,” Shaofei manages to murmur before falling back asleep.
Tang Yi looks at him for a moment, taking in the sight of his boyfriend sleeping peacefully - hurt, but alive. Then he awkwardly puts his head down, hunching over in a way he knows will get him scolded at by multiple people, and sleeps too.
+1
Tang Yi wakes up slowly to Shaofei running his fingers through his hair. It’s a nice feeling, and he decides the world can wait a little bit longer while he cuddles with his boyfriend some more. So he keeps his eyes closed and just pulls Shaofei in some more by his waist.
It’s one of those mornings where he has no idea what time it even is, but he doesn’t really care. He’s perfectly comfortable, there’s a soft breeze coming in from an open window, Shaofei is soft and warm next to him, and -
“Hm. I didn’t have any nightmares.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Shaofei’s voice is still a bit groggy.
“No, it’s just - just something I noticed, is all.”
“Hmm,” Shaofei hums, and for a moment Tang Yi thinks he’s fallen back asleep again. “It’s because I’m a calming influence.”
Tang Yi can’t stop the giggles from escaping. “Shaofei, no,” he says, softly slapping Shaofei’s stomach for emphasis.
“What! It’s true, and you know it. You sleep better when I’m here with you.”
Tang Yi mulls it over for a moment while he traces lazy circles over Shaofei’s chest. As much as he hates admitting it, Shaofei might actually be right. His nightmares have been decreasing since Shaofei started coming over. And now they’ve officially moved in together (rather than just Shaofei declaring he lives here now), they’re reduced to just once or twice a week.
He doesn’t think they’ll ever completely disappear. And they don’t have to, as long as Shaofei is there when he wakes up.
“You’re right.”
“I am?”
“Yes.” Tang Yi leans up, and presses a kiss to Shaofei’s jaw. “I was wrong and being stubborn about it, but I do sleep better when you’re here.”
“Well would you look at that. Tang Yi admitting he’s wrong about something? I need to let Hongye know about this.” Shaofei gleefully grabs his phone while Tang Yi laughs. It will forever be a mystery to him how Shaofei and Hongye managed to bond, at all, but it’s a mystery he revels and delights in.
“But you do know what that means, right?” Tang Yi says after Shaofei puts the phone down again. Tang Yi pushes it away further as they both ignore the string of beeps that mean Hongye is replying.
“No?” Shaofei looks Tang Yi straight in the eyes as Tang Yi smirks at him.
“It means that you’re not allowed to leave this bed, ever again.”