Archive of Our Own

Naruto tossed and turned in bed. He couldn't remember how many times he'd been repeating the actions pretty much become his nightly routine. But he was well-aware of when it started.

It had been a whole week since that day.

Well, what did he expect? Sasuke had said he would pass by from time to time, but the bastard didn't specify exactly what time. It could be next hour, next day, next week, next month, next year, two years, five years, ten years…

Sasuke didn't deny he belonged to Uchiha clan of Konoha, it didn't escape a fact that Sasuke still refused to accept himself as a shinobi of the village. And Sasuke was still Uchiha Sasuke, an S-class missing nin.

The five kages spared Sasuke, Naruto scoffed for a reason. That didn't mean other, smaller, villages wouldn't come after Sasuke's ass. And what time was better than this when the bastard was missing his left arm and recovering from the ordeal?

Naruto had let Sasuke go.

He had full-filled his promise with Sakura. He had returned Sasuke's head protector. He had believed in Sasuke's words indicating they would meet again. Too many things left unsaid between them. But what was to say when they'd already known everything about each other?

Naruto had no reason left to stop Sasuke now.

There had always been this ache in the chest when his thought was filled with Sasuke for odd reason, a frustrated one, because he didn't know what give. Why?

Why Sasuke had to go alone?

Why Sasuke wouldn't accept his new arm?

Why Sasuke didn't consider Konoha as his home anymore?

Why Sasuke turned his back to everything so easy as if there was nothing matter to him here?

Naruto buried his face in the pillow, willed his watering eyes to dry. Blunt nails dug deeper into the sheet, his knuckles was already white from how he had been fisting them since forever. Moonlight illuminated Naruto's lone form from the open window. A crisp breeze only helped increasing the chilliness in his bedroom.

Everything changed. But at the same time, nothing had changed. Because Sasuke was still missing, out there somewhere, doing God knew what. But Sasuke was freed, from the shackles they called hatred. He had nothing left to hate, to revenge. The goal Sasuke had lived his life for was no more.

Naruto had been so naïve.

He had expected something else, Sasuke left again was not one of those possibilities. Naruto couldn't ask Sasuke to stay. It would be no different from imprisoning the Uchiha, therefore, no different from physically shackling Sasuke.

It hurt to wish for someone so out of reach.

It hurt and hurt he felt it again. Just not because he was weak this time, it was that he couldn't do that to Sasuke.

"Maybe I truly am an idiot…"

His words muffled in the pillow. Naruto sniffed noisily and cocooned himself inside the warm of his blanket that did nothing to keep the cold away.

He missed Sasuke.

Sasuke…

Sasuke watched the lump in his friend's bed with a sardonic smile. Despite being polar opposite, they were just as strikingly familiar like water droplets. Especially the way they licked their wounds when no one was watching this so called moment of weakness. Though, one needed to be careful of how they described "weakness" when it came to Naruto.

This enigma in the form of a sole human being contained everything accused to be "weakness". Yet, Naruto turned each and everything into his own strength and conquered the most ruthless creatures without fail.

He wondered if Naruto was a magnet of sort no one could resist the pull. Be it to help the blond, or to stand by Naruto's side, no matter how much the odd was against them. He could never shake off the feeling that he could do anything with Naruto.

Wouldn't it be easier to reach his goal had he joined Obito and Madara instead? In the end, he chose Naruto.

It had never been a whim.

Given another chance to rewrite their history, he would no doubt repeat everything to this point.

He would leave Naruto lying half dead in the Valleys of the End and came to Orochimaru.

He would take Orochimaru's advice and halted the Kirin he was about to strike when Naruto came looking for him two years and a half later when they met again.

He would want to revenge his clan and most of all, Itachi's death by destroying Konoha.

Fighting by Naruto's side, defeated their mutual enemies and ended everything where they started all over again.

And left once again.

He didn't promise he would protect this world together with Naruto. Neither did he indicate on changing it his way again.

He wanted to see what he missed about this world Naruto loved so much despite it gave them more grief and helped nurturing his own hatred over time.

They prided themselves on understanding each other more than they ever understood themselves, yet there was something they couldn't get about the other at all.

For example, why he stood here in the first place?

And why the air smell of salt and water during mid-autumn where the weather was cool and dry?

He didn't need to blame the blanket to be at fault for Naruto's shaking form. There was no one to witness what transpired in this room.

Just them.

With stealth a shinobi at his caliber attained, Sasuke walked toward the bed and sat on the edge.

It was only when the bed shift to alert the owner of the house about his visitor that the lump stopped shaking and tensed up for several pregnant seconds, until the blanket was flung away and laid forgotten on the floor.

There were too many emotions raging in Naruto's eyes, not to mention his expression.

Sasuke had always thought a shinobi shouldn't wear their emotions on their sleeves. That was a rule. But truth to be told, Naruto had become a formidable ninja breaking almost all the rules in his wake.

Fury. Despair. Fright. Lost. Hope. Joy. And…

It took every fiber in his being to stop himself from closing his eyes. Too overwhelming. Too suffocating. These blue eyes haunted him since that day, stared at him in his restless moments, left him wondered which was more beautiful, the sky or…

Naruto snatched the front of Sasuke's black cloak and deposited himself unceremoniously in Sasuke's lap, mindless if he knocked all the left over air out of Sasuke's useless lungs in doing so.

He dared the bastard to push him away.

Sasuke dared break in this house not expecting the teary welcome? Well, fuck him to hell and back.

Still, Naruto couldn't help a relief sigh when an arm that was surely not his own wrapped itself around the small of his back, and squeezed with just as much force he had been squashing Sasuke.

"That was the right way to return a manly hug, bastard." Naruto choked in his cracking voice, but the smile at his own joke somehow managed to reach his eyes. Something had to be different from that old time they stood facing each other in Orochimaru's base years back.

The corner of Sasuke's lips curled up slightly at the sight of Naruto. Tears ran freely, soaking whisker cheeks and disappeared somewhere behind the blond's neck, but the grin nearly split Naruto's face in half intrigued Sasuke most. Just reality reminded him that they were a pair of premature, emotionally unstable teenage boys.

Something he forgot.

Having a clan to revenge and a brother to kill. To rage at the injustice of his own brother's death to assist a war. Died and came back to life. Sealing a Goddess. Then attempt murdering his own best friend and changed the world took too much time to think about anything else.

In addition to all of those things, Naruto had always been his undoing.

His weakness.

At the same time his strength.

His back cushioned on the soft material of Naruto's bed, drowning in the familiar and pleasant odor on the haphazard sheet and pillows, spoken of years and years absorbing the blond's scent. Naruto laid by his side, sharing their body heat and maintaining physical contact.

"I am not going anywhere until you are sleeping." Sasuke whispered into the stillness of their surroundings. His seemingly reassurance didn't do anything to help the turbulent in their minds. In fact, he hadn't meant any kind of comfort when he said it. Sasuke merely informed when he would leave again.

Naruto relaxed and closed his eyes then. Not moving his artifact arm from above Sasuke's steady beating heart. Once again reminded of the reasonless he had to stop Sasuke or to keep the Uchiha.

It hurt again.

Sasuke's loss had also meant his loss.

Sasuke's loss had meant he lost Sasuke with no mean to take the Uchiha back.

Nothing ever went the way he wanted when involving Sasuke.

"Kiss me." Naruto demanded, his eyes still closed and waiting. His right arm dropped on the bed when Sasuke shifted away from him. Naruto gritted his teeth painfully, fighting against the constriction in his throat. Icy air didn't ignore the chance to bite off every warm surface Sasuke had occupied seconds ago and froze him once again.

The spot beside his head dipped, but what had his eyes sprang open was hot breaths fanning his face. Had he lost under Sasuke's illusion this time for real? Was he being unconsciousness in the real world just so Sasuke could leave?

Had he pushed Sasuke away when he'd barely got the Uchiha back after all those time?

Sasuke propped himself on his elbow to hover over Naruto. Once again wondered why Naruto would go to this extend for him. Why would Naruto go through the heartache if all Sasuke could ever give him in return was anguish and a hollow too big to refill?

"Do you know what did you ask of me just now?" Sasuke inquired softly in Naruto's ear. The fear in blue eyes was too unnecessary. But he couldn't bring himself to tell Naruto, because to the blond that was not true.

"What?" Naruto chortled, his lips trembled in attempt to let words out while swallowing lump after lump kept forming in his throat. "May as well put the world out of misery. We've been keeping this on for long enough, you know?"

"This is not about the world, Usuratonkachi."

Don't call me that! Naruto had wanted to scream, but words would have lodged in his throat and gave way for tears to fall again. He cried enough, he thought he cried enough. Where did the tears keep coming from?

"It is about you and me, Naruto." Sasuke's lips murmured on his forehead. "I can't stop if it was not an accident. I can't."

"You are contradicting yourself. It was only about you and me! Who told you to stop?!" Naruto yelled, and true to his dismay, tears broke free. He didn't bother. He would grab Sasuke and kissed the bastard to the next life all he wanted. What did he have left to lose anyway?

Only Sasuke had seen through him, and trapped his wrists with one unyielding hand. Only Sasuke could put this feat with only one hand at his own disposal.

He couldn't even fight against a handicapped man. How pathetic was that?

His laughter came out more like sobs and shook his body in the unpleasant way. He didn't need any more of that. He'd seen enough in his life, from his friends, from his teachers when they thought he was unaware. He needed not to see how Sasuke looked at him with pity in his eyes.

He was this desperate. So what?!

Sasuke trapped Naruto's wrists above blonde head to anchor his upper body. At this moment he wished he had accepted the new hand, it never occurred to him during the past week and because he had no need to use two hands at the same time. But he did now.

"Look at me." Naruto flinched at the anger in his voice, the blond might have a good reason to. However, that was another proof they understood nothing about each other at all. Naruto should have known his anger was not from the earlier stunt. Sasuke was angry at himself because he managed to break Naruto again with his genius idiocy.

Naruto searched him in confusion. He might not have whatever the blond wanted to see however. Judging by the thin line drew on Naruto's mouth, that absent something more likely would damage their newly repaired bond again with its present than not. They didn't need that at the moment. Sasuke blew a breath and sat up, yanked a bewildered Naruto with him while hooking his legs under Naruto's so the blond straddled him instead.

Sasuke could caress Naruto's cheek now that his hand was freed and Naruto was still too dazed to do anything besides gripping his cloak again to steady himself. "I want something, Naruto." Sasuke's eyes softened when he spoke again. Naruto felt at ease enough to lean on the touch and looked at Sasuke, kept his silent knowing Sasuke had not done yet.

"To have it I need your help. It wouldn't come to be if we cross the line now." His words hurt them both and he knew it. He was the kind of idiot rejected the love offered by his one and only object of affection, over and over again.

Naruto dropped his eyes and lolled his head on Sasuke's shoulder. He swore this even worse than Sakura's relentless rejections. At least with Sakura he could entertain himself with the thought of "next time". But with Sasuke, he didn't know if it was even possible. "Tell me how." His voice came out just as weary as he felt.

A resignation Naruto didn't sit well with him, Sasuke noted to himself. But this was something needed to be done. It had to be done, then he would indulge everything Naruto asked of him, if the blond ever wanted him anymore after this.

"All meanings would be lost if I tell you. You will know it takes time, a long one." Sasuke put his chin atop blonde head at the same time his hand found Naruto's and intertwined their fingers. "I only ask you give someone else the chance I refused for now."

"Why? Should I?" Should I risk another rejection? Was left hanging in the air. "I might not show it but you must have known even I have my limit too."

"I know." Sasuke breathed. "I also know there are others who deserve you more than me."

"I almost think you are going to say I don't deserve you." Naruto shot back bitterly.

"Naruto." Sasuke squeezed their hands and hold them to Naruto's eyes level, getting the blond's attention. He unlaced their fingers and faced up the back of Naruto's hand. "When I literally come for your ass, don't even think about saying no." That said, he planted a kiss on it, locking their gaze all the while he did so, conveying his sincerity in every words.

"Of all the time you had to choose to be selfless when I only want to be selfish for once?" Naruto punctured the last word, it bit them like poison. No matter what Sasuke promised him, it didn't change the fact that the Uchiha gave him away in the end. "I don't know what I am to you anymore." Because you did something I couldn't even dream of doing to you.

"Everything." Sasuke answered him.

"And nothing." He countered.

"Yes." Sasuke admitted. "Everything I've ever wanted." He guided Naruto's hand to cover his Rinnegan. "And nothing better this world could offer me."

Naruto knew as much as Sasuke they were two halves of something. He might be an idiot but he didn't need to be told about things this obvious. "Liar." Tears gathered behind his lids again but he wouldn't let them fall this time. "You'd rather get that whatever you want sending me off to someone else!"

"Make no mistake this would benefit us both."

Naruto entertained himself with the thought that his anger somehow got Sasuke in a way, that he was still matter, that Sasuke was still care. "Mind-fucking me benefits you. I get it." He shook his head and chuckled helplessly. "I will do what you want. Hope that will satisfy you then."

Sasuke had seemed to be frozen, in turn dropping Naruto's hand, but he recovered fast enough. He gripped Naruto's chin and lifted the blond's face only for his heart nearly dropping below his stomach at the sight of dulled blue eyes stared back unseeing at him. "Naruto, I—"

"At least hear me say it?" Naruto pleaded, dim blue eyes shimmering with unshed tears. He swallowed and swallowed, Sasuke didn't shake his head no but he had turned away to not looking at him. "Sasuke, I lo—"

"Don't." Sasuke covered Naruto's mouth with his hand. "Don't say it." He repeated shakily, breaths hitching with repressed emotions his eyes could no longer guarded against the world of shattered sapphires. "I know." He drew air painfully, there was not enough in his deprived lungs to utter even half a word. "I want to hear it, I want to say it as much as you. But please, not now."

Sasuke brushed his lips on the back of his hand where Naruto's mouth was supposed to, had not been covered. "Please understand."

Naruto jerked away and shook his head angrily. "I can't understand if you don't tell me what bullshit you are fucking spilling!" He yelled in frustration, wishing any ANBU nearby would hear him and came scuffing Sasuke's head. At least then he had time to get any kind of answer even an idiot could understand. He was tired of decoding Sasuke language. "You had rejected Sakura many times and used to it, why not letting me down the same?! Then I would understand!"

"Because you are not Sakura!" Sasuke tried to control his flaring anger. He wanted to outright tell Naruto, but at the same time he couldn't. He didn't want to force Naruto into something the blond didn't wish for. "I didn't tell you that to lead you on, nor did I reject you because I didn't want you!"

"Yeah, telling me to love someone else surely not sound like a rejection." Naruto turned his head away. He wanted to break the nearest thing in his reach, but Sasuke needed his own pale pretty neck to keep spouting his bullshit until they were satisfied. "Are we done here?"

Sasuke opened his mouth, but he closed it right after and heaved a sigh instead.

"Good night and good bye, Sasuke." Naruto said quietly, detangled himself from Sasuke and laid down with his back facing the Uchiha.

Sasuke sat unmoving, watched his friend dripping off to sleep. When there was no falsified in Naruto's even breathings that he was unaware of, dared he lift his hand to brush a stray blonde lock fell over closed lid behind one tan ear.

At last, Sasuke stood and walked toward the front door. Before it closed fully, a breeze sneaked in through the small crack, brought Sasuke's voice inside the dark room.

"Good bye for now, Naruto."

Hinata felt Sasuke's chakra signature before she saw him coming toward her direction. He inclined his head slightly when their eyes met and walked passed her, not missing a pace in his steps. She gathered her courage before turning and called out. "Sasuke! Naruto is… he is…" She trailed off. Despite mentally prepare for what she wanted to say, words failed her with a look in his visible black eye. She was under no delusion that no matter what happened, this Sasuke was the Sasuke she knew. That if he wanted, she would be dead before she recognized it.

"I'm leaving him in your care." Sasuke kept walking ahead, his parting words still within hearing range when they were meant for her to hear. "You are the only one can give him what I couldn't."

It was another three years when Sasuke came for a visit in Konoha. Conveniently, it was the day before Naruto's wedding.

"Congratulation. It seems even an idiot could be married off after all." Sasuke said in amusement when Naruto flopped beside him after paying his respect for Itachi.

"Thanks. Feel like the right thing to do." Naruto said nonchalantly, glancing Sasuke from the corner of his eyes. "You and Sakura are the last ones."

"Actually, that's one of the reason I am around." Sasuke pulled out a small pale pink box decorated with a dried Cherry Blossom flower on top. "Think she's been waiting long enough to say yes?"

"You are a lucky bastard she didn't have to worry about getting old waiting for your pale ass to come around." Naruto rolled his eyes and chucked down the remaining half sake cup Sasuke had been drinking until his arrival and refilled the cup.

Sasuke smiled slightly and took a sip. When he put it down on the mat, the transparent liquid swirled around, catching the moon in shapeless forms. "Give Kakashi a year worth of your M-rate books and he might just have the legitimate reason to give his seat for you without further cracking his brain thinking of one."

Naruto downed the half-filled cup before he leaned back on his hands, fixed his gaze to the full moon. The flowing water sounded on his side indicating Sasuke poured what left inside the sake bottle in the cup they'd been sharing. "The oldman's health was getting bad. I'll help Ayame for a while more still things are stable for them. Though with Kiba around, guess she won't need that much help."

"Are you happy, Naruto?" Sasuke asked, tilted his head to look at Naruto's expression.

Over these years Naruto had learned to guard his thoughts and manipulated what he wanted the onlookers think he felt just right. This should be a feat right? Sasuke couldn't tell what in his mind, that was why he questioned. Sasuke detected his façade but incapable of seeing through it.

"I am content now." Naruto answered, his eyes locked with Sasuke's. He didn't know if Sasuke saw something he liked or not, the Uchiha's eyes flashed of a familiar emotion but it was hidden again behind layers and layers of the barrier only getting thicker with time. Sasuke didn't break the contact whilst he drank from the sake cup. Likewise, Naruto gulped the half-finished cup after Sasuke put it down.

It was until a little over one year later, they stood side by side, watching Boruto and Sarada throwing toys at each other while Sakura and Hinata desperately calmed the fretting munchkins down enough to take a picture that Naruto bumped his shoulder with Sasuke's. His chest constricted with pride and a slight pain that he mumbled inaudible in a voice thick with tears, "I think I'm starting to understand, a little bit."

Sasuke smiled more and more. But the smiles he discreetly sent Naruto had always been special. And no one but Naruto knew that.

"I am unsure if I should let two too old men go on your merry way." Boruto complained. While he looked at the bored Sarada by his side, his words went straight at the two "old men" heads.

"Yo, I'm pretty sure you couldn't beat your old man in all thirty years of your life yet, runt." Naruto goaded, hands on his hips and chin in the air. "Better keep your peace or people may want a war to steal your robe. I know your wife does."

"Dad," Sarada addressed Naruto, "We agreed that it was our little dirty secret."

"What?!" Boruto fumed, "You rooted for your daughter-in-law instead of your own flesh and blood?! What kind of old man are you?!"

Naruto ignored the two and crouched to eye-level with the littlest one. He patted the small raven head. "Saruto, do you want to be Hokage?"

The littlest Uzumaki-Uchiha looked at him with bright blue eyes and grinned cheekily, showing the world several missing teeth. "Yes, granpa! I'll surpass you and papa! I'll whip papa's ass first!"

Silent spread between the adults. Naruto and the other two youngsters squeaked fearfully when a wave of dark aura in the shape of Susanoo hit their nerves from somewhere behind Naruto's head.

"Who dared teach my grandchild that colorful language?" Sasuke hissed menacingly, his blazing Rinnegan and Sharingan froze the other three adults on the spot. Naruto and Boruto shook their heads frantically while the tan color of their complexion was giving way to white, Sarada looked like she could give Inojin's skin a run for his money.

Luck was on their side however, when the littlest Uzumaki-Uchiha pulled on Sasuke's cloak to divert his attention from the scared stiff trio. "Grandpapa, will you tell me how you met grandpa when you two are back?"

Sasuke's eyes lost the threatening effect when he picked up the child in his arms and pecked the slightly tan forehead. "Of course, little Sunshine." The child giggled gleefully and returned the kiss on his cheek soundly. "I'll teach you how to control your Sharingan too."

"WHAT?!" Boruto and Sarada screeched. "When did that ever happen?!"

"What do you expect?" Sasuke inquired with a raised eyebrow. "He is my grandson."

"He's our kid too!" Sarada blurted. "And my Sharingan didn't activate until I was twelves!"

"I am glad we have an agreement he'd surpassed you, daughter." Sasuke snipped haughtily.

Sarada opened and closed her mouth, surely lost for words to retort and too speechless to say anything else in the matter. Boruto looked between Sasuke and Naruto with contemplation and narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "You two are not cheating on us, are you?"

"What are you talking about?" Naruto commented airily, grinning when Sasuke transferred the hyperactive child into his waiting arms.

When Naruto's attention fully focused on the child, Sasuke turned to his daughter and son-in-law with a serious look in his eyes. They returned his look in kinds, conveying a silent message. At last, Boruto and Sarada bowed their heads and said simultaneously, "Please have a safe trip."

Sasuke nodded and walked toward Naruto. The blond looked up and smiled softly.

"So, are we going to the places you like most after all these years?" Naruto asked, he leaned his head on Sasuke's shoulder and looked at the fading land.

"No." Sasuke answered. He closed his eyes and inhaled slowly, tasting salty air and relaxed his mind in the sound of small waves and ocean pushing their boat further and further.

A strong wind breezed past and unveiled their hoods. Naruto lifted his hand to caress Sasuke's smooth pale cheek, retained all his youthful features unmarred by time. His hair was kept long and fell over his Rinnegan, however.

"When did you realize it?" Naruto questioned, not at all showing any surprise at the revelation.

"A little after Sarada was born." Sasuke replied, his fingers toying with the crystal of Naruto's necklace. "I was away most of the time so they wouldn't notice a little change. But you are around constantly, I need to find a way to cover your slow aging state."

"Do you think Bee and Gaara noticed?" Naruto let the question hung in the air, knowing Sasuke understood without voicing the whole thing.

"We shared the Sage of Six Path's power. It's the after effect. Only two of us aged slower than we should be."

"I saw Nagato before. He was over thirties and turned young by absorbing others chakra."

Naruto hummed a nonsensical tune, dripping in between unconscious and wakeful world. "Where are we heading?" He slurred.

"Where I haven't seen yet." Sasuke kissed him on his forehead.

"That's a lot." Naruto chuckled, opened his eyes to look at the other man.

"This world is too big, Naruto. Where you changed was a tiny part of it." Sasuke trailed his thumb over each whisker marking on Naruto's cheek. "But it was not your own battle anymore."

"Mm hmm." Naruto leaned in the touch. "Can't change anything with just one person. Thank you for protecting Konoha from the outside all this time."

"I wouldn't do any of that if not for the sake of its honorable leader." Sasuke whispered low in a tan ear causing Naruto to laugh out loud.

Naruto situated himself in Sasuke's lap, his arms wound around the Uchiha's neck and looked straight in the visible dark eye.

"Kiss me."

Sasuke bent his head. They mouthed the three words before their lips truly found each other for the very first time after years.

I love you.