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After years of being Yamaguchi’s best friend, Tsukishima was already used to fake dating the guy. Why? You may ask. Well, it’s simple.
It all started back in middle school. Yamaguchi had always been shy with anyone other than his family and Tsukishima, so when a girl in their class asked him if he wanted to go to the movies with her, he politely declined it, blushing furiously and telling her that he’d spend the weekend at Tsukki’s. It wasn’t entirely a lie since he did spend the weekend there, but when she had asked him, he hadn’t talked to Tsukishima about it yet.
The same thing happened the week after. And the one after that, and later again. Until one day, she asked him, “Are you and Tsukishima-kun together?”
It should have been easy to tell her that no, they weren’t together, Yamaguchi just didn’t want to go out with her, but it wasn’t easy for him. The only thing he hated more than being the center of attention, was to hurt people’s feelings. So, instead, he nodded.
He expected her to yell at him, cry her eyes out, run as fast as her short legs could manage, anything. But she didn’t. She looked hurt, sure, but she didn’t try to kill him, so he took that as a win.
Later that day, when he was over at Tsukishima’s watching a new dinosaur documentary in Tsukki’s bedroom, he could barely focus on the documentary. He felt guilty. He felt as if he was using his best friend for his own purposes. He felt dirty.
“I told Sasaki-chan we’re together.” He blurted out.
Tsukishima’s eyes were sharp on the television when he answered. “Well, we are. You’re here with me.”
“No,” Yamaguchi frowned. How was he supposed to tell his best friend that he’d said they were dating? “Together, together. Like... boyfriends.” He lowered his eyes to where his hands played with the hem of his sweatshirt. He couldn’t bear to see the disgusted look Tsukishima would make when he heard the word boyfriend.
“Why did you say that?”
“Because she’s been asking me out for weeks and I don’t know how to tell her that I don’t want to… She asked if we were together and I just… confirmed it. I’m so sorry Tsukki, I didn’t mean to do it, I just didn’t want to hurt her.”
When Tsukishima didn’t say anything Yamaguchi forced his eyes up, noticing that Tsukishima’s were still glued to the televisor. “It’s okay. We both know it’s not true and that’s all that matters.” He said matter-of-factly. After a few more seconds, he added. “You can say we’re together if another girl asks you out again.”
And that’s how everyone at their middle school “found out” they were dating.
After they moved to Karasuno, Yamaguchi hoped he'd never have to fake-date Tsukishima again. Not because he didn't like faking it, it was nice to have an excuse to sit close to Tsukki or so share food with him at lunch, but he hoped no other girl would ask him out.
Unfortunately, now that they were older and in high school, or maybe because of the flood of hormones, every girl in class seemed to be interested in at least one of the two boys. After the first month of class, Tsukishima had declined at least four invitations for the movies or a walk at the park. Yes, only Tsukishima. Yamaguchi didn’t give the girls a chance to approach him. He spent every minute of his day with Tsukishima or at the gym playing volleyball, which left close to no opportunities for small talk with girls.
One night, he and Tsukki were waking back home talking about yet another invitation to the movies Tsukishima had to decline.
“You were so mean to her, Tsukki.”
“No, I wasn't. I just said her eyes were as separated as a fish's.”
“Yeah, and that's mean.” Yamaguchi laughed.
Tsukishima put his hands in his pockets. “I miss when I didn't have to refuse going out.”
“But that was only because everyone thought we were dating.” Yamaguchi pointed out.
“Those were good times. We could have lunch without being interrupted by a flustered, stuttering girl. Now we can't get out of the class without being stopped in the hallway.”
“Oh, to be ugly again.” Yamaguchi joked.
“We weren't ugly. We were just unavailable.” Tsukishima corrected.
Yamaguchi hummed. Those really were some good days.
“I kinda miss it too.”
They walked silently for another block.
“We should do it again.”
Yamaguchi stopped. “What?”
Tsukishima stopped walking too. “Pretend we’re dating.”
“B-but why!?” Yamaguchi asked. He didn't believe his own ears.
“Because. I hate being interrupted during lunch and those girls really seem to like doing it. Besides, I don't plan on dating any of them.” Tsukishima stated.
“But what if you change your mind?”
“Then we can just say we broke up. I doubt it'll happen, though.”
Yamaguchi still couldn't believe it. Tsukishima said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, and yet Yamaguchi couldn't even consider the idea properly. He knew Tsukishima wasn't opposed to the idea of fake dating back in middle school, but he had no idea he was so comfortable with it that he wanted to do it again for what could be the next three years.
“What about the team?” He asked. “Will they know?”
“People love to gossip, I doubt it wouldn't reach their ears.”
“What will we tell them?”
“Yamaguchi, they won't say anything. If much, they'll congratulate us.” Tsukishima said. “It's not like most of them aren't sucking face with one another, anyway. I bet the only straight one on the team is Tanaka-san.”
Yamaguchi laughed, allowing himself to properly breathe again. “Okay. Let's do it.”
***
Two months after the night they decided to fake date each other and Yamaguchi was reminded why he liked doing it so much in the first place. They could eat in peace after what felt like years, they walked without being stopped around the school and now Yamaguchi even could spend some time alone (not that he wanted to, but it was good to have an option).
As Tsukishima guessed, the whole team took it all entirely well.
When Hinata yelled at Yamaguchi for not telling him sooner (“I thought we were friends!”), unintentionally announcing it to everyone present, the whole team gathered around the “couple”, patting their backs and congratulating them.
When they reached their fourth “monthiversary”, as Yamaguchi liked to joke, he laid wide awake late at night. He was absently listening to music with the headphones Tsukishima had given him under the excuse that Yamaguchi’s earphones were shit. He was wondering whether their next game would be soon or not when the lyrics of the song he was listening to caught his attention.
So I could take the back road
But your eyes'll lead me straight back home
And if you know me like I know you
You should love me, you should know
He instantly recognized the song, waiting for its next stanza.
Friends just sleep in another bed
And friends don't treat me like you do
Well I know that there's a limit to everything
But my friends won't love me like you
No, my friends won't love me like you
He thought about the times that he had spent the weekend at Tsukki’s or the other way around and they both fell asleep while watching TV, only waking up the next day. He thought about how Tsukishima always took his headphones off when Yamaguchi started talking, something Yamaguchi had learned Tsukki only did for him. He thought about all the times he wondered what would be different between them had they been dating for real and couldn't think of a single thing. He thought about how Tsukishima had always been there for Yamaguchi, just like Yamaguchi was always there for him.
Holy shit, Yamaguchi is in love, isn’t he? And with his best friend who he's been fake dating for almost a year.
What was he supposed to do with that information? He couldn't tell Tsukishima and end their friendship, and nor could he live wishing for something more than he could have.
Yamaguchi saw only two options here. Tell Tsukishima and when he said he didn't like Yamaguchi like that, which he would, Yamaguchi would tell him that it's okay, they’d move on past that and be best friends for the rest of their lives. Or, Yamaguchi could shove his feelings in the furthest corner of his heart and pretend they didn't exist until they completely faded away.
Yeah, he went with the second option.
***
After a week doing what he'd chosen, Yamaguchi felt like shit.
Every time he looked at Tsukishima and thought “wow, his lips look so soft today” or “I wish I could touch his hair”, he would pinch his arm as hard as he could and tell himself “No! You are stronger than this. Fight it, Tadashi!”
The thing is… It never really worked.
Denying himself to look at Tsukishima the way he wanted, to think about Tsukishima the way he wanted, only made him want it more. He'd never felt so drawn into Tsukishima as much as he was, and it hurt. It hurt because he knew the moment he told Tsukki about his stupid crush on him, it would be over. No more sleepovers, no more watching documentaries late at night while sharing a bowl of popcorn, no more volleyball training on the weekends. No more them .
He knew he had to do something, Tsukishima had noticed he'd been different that week and he'd soon ask about it, but Yamaguchi just couldn't bring himself to do it. So he waited for Tsukishima to ask.
On Saturday night, when Yamaguchi and Tsukishima were going back to Yamaguchi’s, where Tsukki would spend the weekend, after a day at the local museum, Tsukishima broke the silence they'd been in and asked, “What's wrong, Yamaguchi?”
“What do you mean?” Yamaguchi asked, even though he knew perfectly well where this conversation was going.
“You're acting… oddly today.” Tsukishima pushed his glasses up his nose. “You’ve been weird for the whole week, actually.”
“I’m not! I'm fine, I promise.”
“You're lying.”
“Am not!”
“That's bullshit and you know it. You scratch your ear when you lie.” Tsukishima stated.
Shit. Yamaguchi was scratching his ear, something he didn't even realize he'd been doing. He lowered his hand and his gaze. It's now or never , he thought.
“Tsukki… Have you ever, um, wanted a girlfriend?”
Tsukishima clicked his tongue. “Of course not, girls are loud and they demand too much time. We don't have that time with all the volleyball practice and each other. Besides, I already have a boyfriend.” He smirked, pumping his elbow against Yamaguchi’s.
Each other. Yamaguchi pretended Tsukki hadn't just said he doesn't want a girlfriend because of him and kept going. “So, you never wish you had a date? Like, to go to the movies with or take them on a nice dinner or to introduce them to your parents?” He hoped he hadn't been obvious when he only used neutral pronouns.
“No. I don't need all that shit.” Tsukishima said simply.
“But, you've never even wondered what it feels like to be kissed!?” Yamaguchi's patience had drifted away. He stopped walking, bringing an arm to hold Tsukishima back until he stopped walking as well and turned to face Yamaguchi.
“Why? Do you?” Tsukishima’s voice was slightly louder than before, scratching the surface of yelling.
“Well, maybe I do!”
“Fine!” Tsukishima grabbed the front of Yamaguchi’s dinosaur t-shirt, one that Tsukki had given him, with both hands and pulled him into a forceful kiss. It ended as fast as it started, just a harsh brush of lips, but it was perfect. Yamaguchi was in cloud nine, and he could've never hoped for a better first kiss than this.
As Tsukishima pulled apart, his hands relaxed, letting go of the t-shirt and slowly drifting down to Yamaguchi’s hips. Yamaguchi wasted no time and put his hands on Tsukki’s neck.
“I don't need a girlfriend, Yamaguchi. What we have... it's all I'll ever need.” Tsukishima rested his forehead on Yamaguchi’s, making the boy release a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. He also couldn't fight back the smile that found its way to his lips.
“You've really never wanted a girlfriend, Tsukki?” He forced himself to ask, even though he might not like the answer.
Tsukishima’s hand ran up Yamaguchi’s body until they found his chin, gently pulling it up, making Yamaguchi look him in the eye.
“Why would I want anything other than this?”