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Doppo never thought that to have his feelings requited could be so stressing. Even when almost everything between him and Hifumi stayed the same, the blond had always been very clingy with him. However, knowing that Hifumi loved him, and that he was his boyfriend, made everything feel different.
He could no longer think that Hifumi was like that with everyone, that his actions didn't mean anything special to him, that he shouldn't get his hopes up. He could no longer deny that everything that Hifumi did for him was filled with love, he couldn't deny the fact that Hifumi wanted to be loving and caring to him.
Hifumi did all of those things, because he loved him.
Hifumi always hugged him when he arrived home, and while that always made his heart race a little, he used to just brush it off as Hifumi being friendly, the blond had no notion of personal space anyway. But now, he couldn't help but tense up and being awkward about it, barely hugging him back. The fact that Hifumi wanted to be close to him, because he was his friend and he loved him, was too much for his mind to handle.
It's been only days since they confessed their feelings and yet Doppo can't help but feel like a bad boyfriend. He's still having a hard time believing that Hifumi loves him.
Does Hifumi feel loved too?
It's not like Doppo doesn't want to do romantic stuff with him. He would never say it out loud, but he desperately yearns for his boyfriend's touch and kisses. He didn't have to hide his feelings anymore and he was sure that his boyfriend would be more than happy if he took the initiative displaying his affection.
He just doesn't know how to approach these things. He's been Hifumi's best friend for so long, he doesn't know how to be his boyfriend …
He's been longing like crazy for kissing Hifumi, yet he doesn't even know how to respond to his hugs…
Doppo had been wrong before, things have definitely changed between them. He's been all jumpy and embarrassed by Hifumi's displays of affection, even when they're in their apartment.
He was really pathetic, wasn't he?
He didn't have to keep repressing his feelings and desires. Hifumi loves him back and is an amazing boyfriend and yet, why couldn't he stop repressing his desires?
Well, he's been repressing his feelings and desires for almost all of his life, of course it would be difficult for him to change that so suddenly…
Still, Hifumi didn't have to work today, so they'll spend the night together. Moments like those were really rare in their lives and Doppo wants to make the most of it. He really wants to let himself loose, he wants to allow himself to show his boyfriend how much he loves him too.
Doppo really wants to kiss Hifumi breathless… Or at least, to be able to return a hug from him without getting all flustered.
Just thinking about how pathetic he is, Doppo gets more stressed. Then he feels more pathetic for being stressed about reciprocating Hifumi's love.
Just who in their right mind would have a hard time trying to be affectionate with his significant other?
"I'm home."
"Huh? Welcome home Doppyon!" Hifumi greeted him cheerfully. Doppo felt a little bit recharged by Hifumi's voice and the nice smell coming from the kitchen. "Yay!~ You're early for a change!"
When he finished leaving his shoes at the entrance, Hifumi came running from the kitchen and gave him a hug.
"You worked hard today too~" The blond said as he gave him a peck on his cheeks. That really sent his heart into overdrive and made all of his tiredness disappear. "I'm almost done with dinner, but you can shower first if you want to~"
And with that, his boyfriend went back to the kitchen. Doppo cursed himself for being too dazed to hug Hifumi back, and decided to follow his boyfriend after taking his suit jacket off.
"What's for dinner? It smells really good."
"If you can't tell, then it's a sur-pri-se~" Hifumi said playfully, booping Doppo’s nose, and went back to cooking. Not that Doppo was worried, he loved everything that Hifumi made.
Maybe it was the accumulated tiredness or his repressed desires thinking, but Hifumi looked more stunning and beautiful than usual. It was amazing how gorgeous he looked just standing in the kitchen, and the fact that he had a little ponytail made his heart race.
Said ponytail really made Hifumi look more cute, but it also left his neck fully exposed… How was it possible that even his neck was charming?
How was it possible that he looked so cute and sexy at the same time?
Hifumi was immersed in his cooking, his gaze was completely focused on the things on the stove's burners and Doppo couldn't stop his mind from wanting to surprise him. He wanted to circle his arms around his waist and give him a few pecks on the neck. Hifumi really had a beautiful figure and his small waist was really accentuated with the apron, making it look so invitiー
Oh god, he really should take a shower.
"I'm going to t-take a shower." Doppo said, voice almost cracking as he rushed out from the kitchen.
"Don't take too long~"
While the shower did relax him and stopped his train of thoughts, it all went to waste when he saw Hifumi waiting for him at the table.
At least he let down his hair.
It was almost absurd how fast his eyes were drawn to Hifumi lips. How many times have he dreamed or fantasized with those lips on his? Hifumi always took care of his appearance, even before becoming a host, so it shouldn't be a surprise how smooth and soft his lips looked.
How pretty they were…
Well, everything about Hifumi was beautiful and charming, so it shouldn't come as a surprise and yetー
"Earth to Doppo?~" Hifumi’s voice brought him back from his trance. "Even if you're tired you have to eat, Doppochin. C'mon, I made omurice!"
He had been so busy staring at his boyfriend that he didn't notice that Hifumi had made one of his favorite dishes… It was even decorated with a ketchup heart and a smiley face.
His heart pounds harder. Ah, Hifumi is too cute.
"Was my Doppo craving potato salad? I can make that for tomorrow if you want~"
Shit, there he was again, calling him his Doppo and making his heart burst. It sounded so cute and nice coming from Hifumi's lips.
Even if he wanted, Doppo was sure that if he ever found the courage and tried to call his boyfriend my Hifumi or my Hifumin , it would sound way too awkward…
"This is fine, don't worry about it."
"If your too tired I can feed you~"
Doppo really didn't get why Hifumi always insisted on feeding him, he's been doing that since they were teenagers. Maybe he didn't get romance at all, but he only felt helpless when Hifumi did that. He was trying really hard to be a functional adult, he didn't need someone feeding him.
Maybe he should just do it and see if it really was enjoyable…
"I'm not that tired… Here, say 'ah'" His voice cracked a little as he started to bring his spoon closer to Hifumi's mouth.
"Huh?" Hifumi looked at him surprised. Wow, this really has been a bad idea, hasn't it? He really wanted to die from the embarrassment, but he was determined to do this, no matter how awkward it may be.
It was too late to pretend that nothing happened anyway.
"C-Come on, say 'aaaah'! " Doppo felt stupid saying that, his boyfriend always sounded cute when he did this kind of stuff, but he couldn’t say the same for him… He really wished that Hifumi would just humor him, the dinner would be too awkward otherwise…
"... I made this for you, you should be the one who eats first." Hifumi pointed out with a little pout, averting his gaze while blush spread through his cheeks.
Doppo felt his heart stop.
It was very rare to see Hifumi embarrassed or shy, maybe that was what made this sight more special. Doppo found him completely adorable, he wanted to kiss him so badly right now.
Leaning a little forward, Hifumi opened his mouth while he tucked a few strands of hair behind his ear. His eyes were closed and his face was still a little blushed and Doppo really wanted to replace the food with his lips…
Putting the food inside of Hifumi's mouth, Doppo wondered if this was the reason why Hifumi always tried to feed him.
No, there was no way that he looked as adorable and kinda hot as Hifumi right now. If he really thought about it, he must look really awkward and out of place when Hifumi fed him…
Just what does Hifumi see in him?
"Doppochin! Earth to Doppo! Now it's your turn to open wide~" The redhead was brought back to reality, finding Hifumi's spoon hovering around his mouth.
Even if this was a little mortifying, he had just done the same, so it would be unfair to refuse.
It wasn't exactly what he had in mind, but this could be considered a little romantic, right? Or at least Hifumi would be happy if he accepted…
"Just once." And with that he allows himself to be fed, closing his eyes to spare himself some embarrassment.
Once he starts munching, he can't help but smile at the taste. His boyfriend really makes the best omurice. Anything that Hifumi cooks is absolutely amazing and Doppo feels so lucky to be able to eat his meals everyday.
Does Hifumi feel lucky for having him in his life too?
"Is it good?~" Hifumi says playfully, but there is fondness in his eyes. It's almost like the fact that Doppo enjoys his food means the world to him, and suddenly all of his stress comes back to him. His boyfriend cooks for him everyday, today he even made his favorite meal and he hasn't been able to do anything to show his love for him.
Can Hifumi really be happy with him?
"Mmnh. Thank you."
Doppo fixed his gaze on the plate, trying his best to distract himself from staring at Hifumi. It would be better to enjoy dinner and work on his issues later…
"Anything for my Doppochin~"
He would like to be able to do anything for Hifumi too.
"We should go on a picnic or something on the weekend. You need to the see the sun from time to time or you'll get moldy, Doppochin~"
"Mmnh."
Doppo wishes to have enough energy for the weekend, he wishes to have enough courage too. A picnic can be pretty romantic after all…
"Remember to take your vitamins after eating~"
Doppo smiles a little at that. It's kinda funny how he's having a hard time trying to act like a boyfriend, when Hifumi acts like they were an old married couple.
"Thanks for the food. I'll do the dishes." Doppo said as he started to clean up the table. Hifumi made dinner, so this was only fair. Besides, maybe it would help him to shoo away his thoughts…
Before he could finish gathering the dishes, Hifumi hugged him from behind.
"The dishes can wait. Let's go to the sofa." Hifumi’s voice was low and his tone was kinda serious. It totally sent Doppo's heart into overdrive.
Did Hifumi want to get affectionate or something bad came up to him?
"Shouldn't we let them soak at least?" Hifumi always told him to let the dishes soaking if he was too tired to wash them. Apparently that made it easier for Hifumi to clean them later.
"... That doesn't matter right now. It can wait."
If Hifumi didn't care about that, then something serious must be happening. So Doppo made his way to the sofa with Hifumi clinging to him from behind.
Hifumi layed on the sofa and patted on the side, prompting Doppo to do the same.
Did his boyfriend want to cuddle?
Thinking that it would be very weird and endearing if Hifumi prioritized cuddles over doing the dishes, Doppo layed next to him.
"Doppochin, is everything fine? Did something bad happen at work?" Hifumi trapped him in a gentle hug and started to stroke his hair.
"Huh?"
"You've been spacing out more than usual… If your job makes you feel too bad you can always quit, y'know? There's nothing wrong with that." The blond gave him a light kiss on the forehead.
So that's why Hifumi thinks that he's struggling with his job…
He's been spacing out more than usual, because he can't stop thinking about how lovely his boyfriend is, how pretty his lips are and how pathetic he is compared to him though...
"Don't worry about money, I'm here for you."
Doppo feels like screaming for being too obvious and worrying his boyfriend. Even when he has the wrong idea, Doppo feels his heart melt by Hifumi's consideration.
His boyfriend is way too sweet.
"It's nothing like that. Besides, if that were the case, I wouldn't want to bother you."
"Don't sweat it, Doppo," his tone is a little more nagging and frustrated this time "You have maintained me when I was having a difficult time… You can count and lean on me too."
"You already do way too much for me…"
"You also have done way too much for me. Besides, It's not a bother or a problem to me. I just want you to enjoy your life more."
Hifumi was the one that should enjoy his life more, he should just forget about him and fall in love with someone that wasn't emotionally constipated like Doppo. Yeah, Hifumi would be better withoー
No.
That isn't really how he feels. Just thinking about Hifumi with someone else makes his heart ache. He wants to make this work, he doesn't want to ruin this without even trying.
He doesn't want to keep worrying Hifumi, he wants to make him happy…
"... Thank you… But really, nothing happened at work." To change his mindset will be difficult, but he has to make an effort if he really wants to change.
"Then what's bugging you? I want to help you."
Doppo never thought that he was going to come clean about his feelings in this way. But Hifumi was way too worried about him and he deserved an honest answer. No matter how awkward things may get.
Communication is the key to every relationship, right?
"Hifumi… are you happy with me?"
"Huh? Why are you asking something like that?"
"I mean… I'm stuck all day at my job, on weekends I barely have energy to do anything and you like outdoor activities… Also, I'm not good when it comes to feeling and physical affectiー It's not like I don't wanna do those kinds of stuff with you! I would like it very much! It's just… It's just that being all affectionate doesn't come easy to me, but I really wanna do all kinds of romantic stuff with you! And to show you that I really love you andー"
Hifumi's laugh interrupted his anxious rambling. Before he can start to panic again, the blond hugged him tightly.
"Doppo! Ah, my lovely, cute, beautiful, sweet Doppo!" Hifumi started to pepper him with kisses all over his face. "I love you. I love you. I love you sosososo much~"
"I'm being serious…"
"I know. That's why you're so endearing." Hifumi looked at him directly in the eyes and Doppo could only find sincerity and love in them. "Don't worry about those things Doppo! I've known you for almost all my life, I know that it's hard for you. Still, you always show me how much you love me in your own way."
"... What do you mean?"
"Little things, like when you keep staring at me with that hopeless gaze or whー"
"You were aware of that?!"
"You aren't very subtle, Doppochin. Don't worry, it's really adorable~"
Doppo really wants to die, but hiding in his boyfriend's chest will have to do. Does that mean that Hifumi is also aware of the way he was looking at him in the kitchen?
How embarrassing…
"Doppo, I really doubt that you could make me unhappy and if something bothers me, you'll know right away." Hifumi said, stroking his hair and leaving soft kisses on the top of his head.
Would he ever be able to be that open with his feelings?
Hifumi said that it was fine, but Doppo wants to shower him with affection too… And to have those lips kissing him everywhere except on his lips was starting to drive him crazy.
"... Sorry for worrying you." Doppo says as he emerges from Hifumi's chest.
"Don't sweat it."
Maybe he should stop over thinking about it and just go for it.
"Hifumi... C-Can we kiss?"
"Huh?" Hifumi looked absolutely dumbfounded at his question and Doppo started to panic again.
"If you don't want that's totally fine! I just thought that it's been a while since we started dating and all of that, and that we haven't done that yeー We don't ever have to do it if you're uncomfortable with that! Sorry, it's just that your lips are so pretty and I can stop myself from staring at them, also yoー" Hifumi put his index finger on his lips and Doppo feels like he will self-combust on any second.
"That should be my line, Doppo~" Hifumi's tone is a little nagging, but he sounded relieved. "You've been more flustered than usual, being all jumpy with me. I thought that you weren't comfortable with me being around you."
"I'm… sorry."
"You don't have to apologize, Doppyon! We can slow down if you are uncomfortable. Don't force yourself to be more lovey-dovey for me if you aren't reaー"
"But I want to! I really want to kiss you, Hifumi!" Doppo grabbed Hifumi's face and wow, that was the boldest he has been for a long time. That was really embarrassing.
Hifumi looked completely taken aback by his sudden actions. His face was slightly blushed and his parted lips were way too inviting for him.
His boyfriend looked way more beautiful this close and Doppo couldn't help but feel like an idiot for not bringing this up sooner.
"Doppo… You're like totes bad for my heart."
"Huh?"
"You haven't returned any of my hugs and yet, you grabbed my face so intensely and told me that you wanna kiss me~" Hifumi said playfully as he moved in order to straddle him.
"S-Sorrー"
"That just makes me love you more, silly~" Hifumi interrupted his apology, bopping his nose.
"Still, are you sure you wanna do this?"
Doppo wished that Hifumi would cut him some slack and just kiss him. He was sure that even his ears were red and his heart felt like it was going to explode at any moment, so he could only move his head in agreement as a reply.
His boyfriend caressed his face and started to slowly get closer to him. It was absolutely nerve-wracking, but Doppo didn't want to close his eyes.
Hifumi could feel Doppo staring at him, even with his eyes half-lidded his gaze was completely intense and lovingly. It was almost like Doppo wanted to memorize every movement he made, no matter how insignificant it may be. There was decades of yearning behind his eyes, like he had waited for this moment for all of his life. However, Doppo didn't move at all, he didn't meet Hifumi's lips halfway, he was determined to let Hifumi set the pace for this. He wanted to have this on Hifumi's terms.
He traced Doppo's lower lip with his shaky thumb. His stomach was overflowing with butterflies.
"Doppo… I can't do this if you keep staring at me like that…" Hifumi broke their eye contact. His face was completely red and he hid his face on Doppo's chest.
"I-I'm sorー"
"Don't be! I like when you look at me like that… I'm just a little nervous, that's all."
Hifumi let his head rest on Doppo's chest. He had been longing to kiss him for a very long time, but he never thought that he would get so shy about it...
"Woah! Doppochin, your heart is beating like suuuuuper fast!"
"... Whose fault is it?" Doppo said shyly with a tiny voice.
Ah! His Doppo was too lovely and cute!
"Since you're so eager you can lead, Doppochin~" Hifumi said playfully as he switched their positions, leaving Doppo on top of him.
"Huh?"
"I really want my Doppo to be all lovey-dovey to me~"
Doppo felt his heart stop for the umpteenth time, and did his best to comply with his boyfriend's wishes.
Shaky hands tried to cup Hifumi's face. It would be easier to kiss him if he was holding his face, right?
It may be easier, but Doppo was barely touching Hifumi's face. His hands couldn't stop trembling and they were sweaty with nervousness. His whole body was sweating actually…
"You can lean your hands more, Doppo. C'mon, touch me properly! I won't bite~" The blond stopped Doppo's shaking hands with his own, placing them around his face so they were cupping it.
Doppo decided that it would be better for his heart to keep it to himself how much he would like Hifumi to bite him. Being this close with his boyfriend was nearly sending him into a cardiac arrest.
Hifumi beneath him looked almost ethereal, his cheeks were a little blushed and he had a shy smile. His hands tenderly caressed his cheeks as he looked at him fondly.
"It's just me, Doppo." Hifumi said softly, trying to calm his boyfriend, but that was the problem. It was Hifumi, the person that he's been in love with since he can remember, the most important person in the world to him.
The person that reminds him that life was worth living, who is always there for him and brings happiness into his life.
It was his kind, selfless, caring, lovely and way too optimistic boyfriend, who deserved only the best.
He didn't want to mess this up.
Doppo did his homework for this moment, he had researched and memorized some indications about how to kiss. He must be relaxed, tilt his head a little so their noses won't crash, part his lips slightly, and just go for it. Always keeping an eye on his partner's reactions and act according to them…
Bringing his face closer to Hifumi, he closed his eyes and just went for it.
Hifumi's lips are more soft than he imagined and are pleasantly warm against his. He can feel Hifumi smile before he starts kissing him too, putting his arms around his neck. Doppo feels his whole body tingle and everything feels so warm and so good. Doppo had read that the first kiss shouldn't last that long, but there was no way that he would let Hifumi's lips go.
He would allow himself to be a little selfish just this once.
At first it felt like fireworks, his heart was pounding like crazy and his whole body burned with excitement. But little by little, the feeling mellows to something more softer, the warmth isn't overwhelming anymore and it almost feels like coming home from a long day and finding Hifumi waiting for him.
Once he feels more confident, he slows the pace. He wants Hifumi to savor this moment as much as he could, Doppo isn't the best with words so he hopes that his actions speak for him. He wants Hifumi to know how much he loves him, how much he means to him.
After a moment, Hifumi broke the kiss and pulled Doppo away a little. The redhead, without thinking, just chased after his lips again, only to stop halfway and felt way too embarrassed.
Kissing Hifumi felt amazing, his whole body felt so light, he almost felt like floating, all of his thoughts disappeared and he could just focus on how soft his boyfriend's lips were against his. But what if Hifumi didn't enjoy it? His lips weren't as plump or as soft as his boyfriend's ones, he had set a slow pace, because he wanted to relish this moment as much as he could, but maybe that didn't feel good.
"S-Sorry, was it too bad?"
"Huh? No, it was amazing Doppo! I just need to catch my breath… " And Hifumi looked to the side, breathing heavily. His face was completely flustered and his index finger traced his lips almost shyly. Almost as if Hifumi couldn't believe what just happened.
It was almost criminal how Doppo wasn't kissing him again. He wanted to be all over him, to tell him how stunning he looked, to hug him tightly and never let go…
"Woah, Doppo~ I totes thought that you'd be more shy or anxiー" Hifumi was interrupted by Doppo hugging him tightly.
"I love you." The redhead said, burying his head in his boyfriend's chest and woah, Hifumi's heart was racing even more faster than his.
"Sorry for not saying it so often, but I really love you."
Hifumi returned his hug as tightly as he could and Doppo just let himself melt in their embrace. It seemed like he'll have to wait for more kisses, but this felt good too…
…
Wait!
"Shit! Hifumi the disheー" Hifumi's lips on his stopped his sentence.
"I told you they can wait~" Hifumi started to kiss him sweetly and Doppo didn't have it in him to disagree.
The dishes indeed can wait. Kissing Hifumi was way more important.