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Some days were more difficult than others, this Denki knew. He knew how to spot a lie, or the boiling point of anger, or even the most hidden of hiding places. He learned quickly. The scars littering his body speaks the story of why, the confines of that house suffocating on the best of days.
On his first day of UA his mother smiled, brushed his hair out of his face, and kissed it.
She also whispered "Don't do something you'll regret," so Denki figured it was more of a warning than actual care. His mother didn't actually care about anything, but he already knew this. He already accepted this. That is fine, she does not need to care for him.
It hurts less that way. It hurt, yes. It even ached, but it was bearable. He does not think he could bare it if she did this and even pretended care.
All of this leads to him smiling at his classmates on the first day, the idiot act that has been drilled into him for years peaking through effortlessly.
He is Denki Kaminari. He is the fool.
But, once again, that's fine. There isn't an issue there. This doesn't come with pain or knives or suffocation. It's fine in a way he really wishes it wasn't. He smiles as he sits between Sero and Mina, watching Bakugou and Kirishima sit next to each other. He watches as Kiri laughs, blushes, and holds Bakugou's hand. He watches as Bakugou lets him.
He wonders what that is. He wonders how that feels. Some sort of him cracks and whispers I want that . Denki is quick to bury it.
By the time he turns 17, clear into his third year, Denki has watched Kirishima and Bakugou since their second year. Something in him still yearns for it, but it is not something that Denki acknowledges. Classmates glance at him as the days to his 17th birthday tiptoes closer to zero.
He once asked Kirishima what him and Bakugou were.
He spent the next three days researching soulmates and crying. He already knows he will not have one, and if he does?
He doubts that they'll want him. He's the whore of UA that has never even had sex. He is the one thing everyone hates, secretly or openly doesn't matter.
The night before his birthday he stares at the ceiling and cries, feeling his heart break. The text messages from his mother doing nothing to comfort, they are just a reminder of what he is. a failure, a disappointment, something to be admired and put away. A weapon. Dangerous.
His breathing stutters as his eyes flutter closed, his fingers clenched tight around a small pikachu toy that Mina got for him last year. He has hopes, but he's certain that they won't come to fruition. That he'll be left in the ashes of what could have been and told to clean it up himself.
Alone, just like he was meant to be.
He wakes up gasping, clutching plush to his chest as his head pounds, starting behind his eyes and expanding. He squeezes his eyes closed as he whimpers and curls into a ball, waiting for the pain to recede before his eyes flutter open.
God I wish I could have fucking slept...
"What the hell is this?" He whispers harshly to himself, grabbing his head. It goes... mysteriously silent for a moment. Denki's mind races from all those articles he read last school year, to the basic explanation his mother gave him- none of it has an answer.
"Oh. You're my soulmate." The distaste in the other male's voice is so thick that Denki can taste it in the back of his throat. What does that mean? Who is--
"Shinsou- Shinsou Hitoshi?" Denki asks but his mind is silent. He feels tears building up behind his eyes as he buries his face in his knees.
Why is he surprised? He knew this would happen.
That small part of him perks up and whispers maybe- before Denki kills it. It's fine. It's fine.
It's perfectly fine. So his mother was right. So he was right.
That's fine. He doesn't need a soulmate. He ignores the stares when he walks downstairs fully dressed and ready for class. He walks past Mina and Sero and everyone else on his way to class.
It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
...
"It does matter," Mina tells him one night, holding one of his hands as she paints his nails, a soft smile on her lips. "I can tell you're hurting. It matters, Denki." He frowns softly in response.
"It doesn't. He made it obvious that he doesn't want me," he lays on his back when Mina gives him the chance, looking at his phone again. "It's fine. No one wants-" he groans as he rubs his arm, shooting Mina a look for the punch.
"Finish speaking and I'll do worse." She snatches his hand back to finish painting his nails. He falls into some sort of silent as she does. He admires the black paint when she leaves, smiling softly.
He supposes he could try. At the least try. They are seventeen, they still have so much time. So so so much time. So, with a smile on his lips, he closes his eyes to fall asleep.
There is always tomorrow.
So, if Denki woke up extra early the next morning and ran over to Shinsou's dorm with a handful of lilacs and a smile on his face, he silently blames Mina when Shinsou gives him a dead eyed stare and shoulders past him.
He takes a deep breath. This is fine. He has time.
He lays back on his bed, a frown playing on his lips as he gazes at the screen. As he sees everyone happy and in love. Of course he knows it doesn't always work out, sometimes people don't click because of circumstance or because of one's past. He knows this.
He knows his mother ruined her own soulmate with a cruel grin on his face. He shivers as he closes his eyes, trying to cast the thought aside, the thought of that knife and the blood and-
"Who is that?" Shinsou's voice, soft and unsure. His eyes fly open in shock, fingers clutching his phone falling open, grunting when his phone lands on his face.
"U-Uh- my mother-" he manages to think before Shinsou throws that wall back up. That dreadful wall that is unfeeling. There is a long moment of silence where Denki's lungs shrivel up and clench together in anticipation.
"Do you live with her?" He breathes again.
"Yeah. It's uh... not entirely pleasant." Shinsou pauses again, this time the topic is different.
"Tell me about yourself." Denki smiles as he relaxes, letting himself indulge Shinsou. They have time.
They have all the time in the world.
The first time that Shinsou smiles at him in the hallway, he flushes a dark shade of red and grabs Mina's arm as a high pitched squeak escapes him. He hears Mina laugh as they enter the classroom, a grin spreading her mouth and a teasing glint in her eyes.
"Now-"
"I know- I know-" he hides his face in his arms, "You're right!" Mina laughs loudly as Denki stays hidden in his self proclaimed barrier. He looks up at her as she smiles fondly at someone else.
His heart sings for her happiness even though he is still full of fear.
"You're cute when you blush," Shinsou purrs into his mind as he flushes darkly. Oh god- he saw?
"You uh- you looked really nice-" Denki manages a reply back as he hears Mina move to her seat. He feels the hum Shinsou produces in his throat, his face turning darker as he does.
"I'm sure I'd look nice to you no matter what I was wearing." Is Shinsou's sly reply.
"I really liked your smile," Denki admits before his attention is forced to his schoolwork. He is exhausted by the time class is over.
"Did you mean it?" Shinsou's voice echoes softly in his mind.
"Of course," Denki does not need time to think before replying. He can feel Shinsou's smile.
"I'll meet you at your dorm."