Chapter Text
Yamaguchi's vision does come back, a little. He just considers himself lucky to have the color back in his life, and he thinks every day about the people who were born with eyes worse than his are now. All in all, he's very fortunate to have the people he does in his life, who help him at every turn, and he finds himself not minding his new life after all.
He doesn't cry so much anymore, not really crying like he did before, but when he does, it feels strange. Like the water that leaks out of his eyes is almost too soft, too forgiving. He's not going to complain, of course, but it's weird how only a few months have changed his view on life completely.
His mom had cried when he told her. She hadn't known at all. While Akiteru and Tsukki's mom had both seen his infatuation clearly since the first day he wandered in, looking for Kei-kun!, his mom was almost never at home. She works a demanding desk job, cooped up in her cubicle for hours every day and night, trying to make enough money on her own to feed her fast-growing, 180cm son and eventually send him to college.
He knows she loves him, in her own way, even though she never expresses it physically or explicitly with words. (Maybe this is why he's always been so adamant about giving Tsukki unwavering validation––because he never got enough of it for himself at home.)
After explaining everything, and after she's finally done crying (something he's never once seen her do since his father passed away), she heads into her room. Yamaguchi doesn't expect her to come back out so quickly, but she does, and there are two things in her hand, shimmering in the light that streams in through the kitchen window (they never seem to turn on their lights unless they have guests over). "Okaa-san," he whispers, his eyes starting to tear up again (and he really just stopped crying, too). "Didn't Otou-san give that to you? At—at your wedding?" He doesn't remember much about his father, and his mom can never get through a full story about him without covering her mouth with her hand and retreating to her room, so all he has to go off of are old photographs. The photo album is in his mom's room, but he's had enough time over the years to sneak in and flip through its pages while she's at work.
He doesn't know much about Yamaguchi Chikyu, this strange man he's grown up knowing only through time-worn photographs, but he knows this:
- His parents were married six years before he was born, and his father had seven years of marriage with his wife before he passed.
- His father went to college in Tokyo but worked at a big electronics company close enough to commute from Miyagi.
- His father made his mom smile brightly enough to light a dozen candles at once (Tsukki says that's where he gets his own little glow from (Tsukki is a load of bullshit)).
- He is the spitting image of his father––freckles and hair and gangly limbs and all.
- His mother was wearing a pearl necklace and diamond earrings when she got married.
He's pretty sure his mom is holding those earrings in her hands right now. Maybe if he were talking to Tsukki's mom, he'd say, "Okaa-san, you aren't thinking of passing those down to me now, are you?" or "I think it's a little too early for marriage gifts, right?", but he isn't talking to Tsukki's mom. He's talking to his own mom, who's one of the strongest people he's ever met but has a faint heart and a bad understanding of sarcasm.
They don't joke around with one another––it doesn't bother him, it never has––and that's just the way things are, just the way they work. So, instead, he just looks in the general direction of her face, feeling his eyes starting to tear up again. He doesn't really know what she plans to do with the money, but he knows that the reason his mom is selling one of her last memories of her husband is to deal with the aftermath of his seireiheiki.
Neither of them say anything as his mom freshens up her makeup briefly, then heads out again, the front door closing with a gentle click. It's then that he begins to cry. Somewhere between stumbling into his room and collapsing on his bed, he manages to dial Tsukki's number on his little flip phone.
"Yamaguchi?"
Just hearing Tsukki's voice already makes him feel a little more calm. "Tsukki… please… I–"
"I'm coming over."
"Are you sure?"
"Yamaguchi."
"Thanks, Tsukki."
"Hm."
He's a little worried because he's not exactly functioning at a high enough level right now to explain the whole situation to Tsukki. Hopefully Tsukki won't mind just being used as a pillow for an hour or so. Unfortunately––or fortunately?––Tsukki is punctual and efficient, as always, and he unlocks the door with the spare key he's known about for years. (He must've just showered, too, because the room smells like eucalyptus as soon as he walks in.) "Is your mother home?" The bed creaks, and the mattress dips with the weight of the other boy, much too light for how tall he is.
"No, she—she just went out, actually."
"Is this about her, then?" (Ah, never mind the need for a verbal explanation. Tsukki can read him easily, like always.)
Yamaguchi doesn't say anything to this, just leans over and burrows his face into Tsukki's shoulder, one of his pillows clutched desperately in front of his chest. Tsukki's hand comes down to rest carefully on Yamaguchi's arm, squeezing with a gentleness that makes him cry harder. Tsukki allows him a few minutes to soak the sleeve of his t-shirt with tears before speaking again.
"You feel bad because she's trying to help you, right?"
Yamaguchi sits up, wiping at his eyes with one hand, the other still wrapped around his pillow. "Tsukki is so smart."
"You know how much I hate saying things that are obvious," Tsukki begins with a sigh that is deeply contrasted with the way his hand is rubbing up and down Yamaguchi's arm, "but this isn't your fault. None of it is your fault, and your mother knows it, too. If she's giving up something important for you, that just means you're even more important to her."
"I know, but Otou-san, and she just––and she always works so hard for me, but I've never done anything for her except make her––and I don't even talk to her, Kei, and––"
Tsukki's hand has migrated from Yamaguchi's arm to his hair, fingers threading through the soft strands and lightly massaging his scalp. To his credit, Tsukki doesn't flinch or even say a word, his hand just stalling for a moment before continuing their steady motions.
"…Sorry, Tsukki."
"I thought we weren't going to do that anymore, Yamaguchi."
"Oh, right. Sorry, Tsukki."
Tsukki doesn't even bother correcting that one, just sighs again and shifts so he's facing Yamaguchi directly. "I don't have a problem with you calling me that, but just keep it for when we're alone, yeah?"
"Mm, okay."
"…Do you want me to call you your given name, too?"
His tears have mostly stopped now, and he looks up with such hopeful, joyful eyes despite the streaks of tears on his cheeks that Tsukki's face goes red immediately. "If that's okay with you, Tsukki!"
"Come here then, Tadashi."
It's Yamaguchi's turn to blush, the last traces of his guilt gone. He rubs his fists against his cheeks again, taking off the last of the tears, before all but launching himself into Tsukki's lap, throwing his arms around Tsukki's neck. Tsukki grunts but takes in pretty much in stride, gingerly wrapping his arms around the other boy. Yamaguchi presses his face into the crook of Tsukki's neck, breathing in deeply.
It's definitely not the first time they've been this close, after so many years, but every touch, every word, every interaction feels infinitely different now. He takes in every moment with unabashed wonder, marveling at the fact that he still has this beautiful, ethereal boy in his life and now in his arms.
Their relationship had always been relatively wordless; growing up together, they'd learned how to communicate thoughts and emotions through facial expressions, small gestures, and touches, rather than through speech. The new level of intimacy introduced doesn't change any of that. If anything, Tsukki has gotten even easier to read, initiating things more often and making sure Yamaguchi takes care of himself.
"I'm glad you're here with me, Tsukki–Kei. I'm glad you're here, Kei." Under his cheek, Yamaguchi can feel Tsukki's heartbeat flickering at those words, like a little hummingbird. Tsukki's skin is so warm. Tsukki doesn't answer (he's probably blushing again), just leans down a little and presses his lips gently to the top of Yamaguchi's head. "Thanks for coming over."
"You don't have to thank me for that. It's not like I don't come over almost every day anyways."
"But still, Kei! Thank you for helping me."
"…You know I'll always be here when you need me."
"Yeah, I guess I do know that."
Yamaguchi Ayame is a simple, efficient woman. She has a friend in the jewelry business who she asks to help sell her earrings, and she comes back with a decent sum of money. She then takes her son to the optometrist, and they tell him all hope is not lost, and he can be fitted for a thick pair of glasses, but he needs to take care of himself, or he'll strain his already fragile body. The doctor is a stiff, clear-cut man who doesn't flinch when they tell him about the seireiheiki.
Tadashi does not move through the whole ordeal, only speaking when spoken to. She tells him to choose whichever frames he likes best, without worrying about the price, and he visibly blanches at that. She knows he wouldn't want to make a scene, though, and he eventually settles on a thin, black pair. (Personally, she thinks the thin frames accentuate the thickness of the lenses even more, but she can hold her tongue this once.)
Ayame takes a whole day off from work to come into Karasuno High School and speak with the principal. She wants to take as much pressure off of her son as she can, and this is one of the only ways she knows she can do that.
Briefly, she tells the principal about seireiheiki, provides a doctor's note, and asks for medical confidentiality. Her request is granted. Tadashi will be able to go back to as normal of a life as he can get, finish high school and graduate like any other student.
She thinks this is the least she can do for him, after failing completely as a mother to notice her son's gradual descent towards rock bottom.
(Admittedly, she does feel some resentment towards Kei. He is the reason why Tadashi needs these glasses, and he is probably the reason why Tadashi thinks so lowly of himself. Selfishly, she also notes that he's also the reason why she's shelling out more money than she has in years, the reason why she will have to work overnight shifts two days each week for the next few months, the reason why she will spend the nights she doesn't have to work overtime tossing and turning in her bed, worried about her son.
Despite all of this, though, Tadashi still goes back to him, clings to him like a little starfish and follows him around with that hopeless look in his eyes that she recognizes from Chikyu's. The similarity is rather startling.
And so, she forgives Kei because Tadashi forgives Kei. Tadashi is like Chikyu in that way, too. He was always a better person than she would ever be able to be.)
Ennoshita-san is understanding about it. At least, as understanding as one can be without knowing the whole story. Again, though, he doesn't ask many questions, and Yamaguchi is relieved. Undoubtedly, Ennoshita knows he's being left out of something important, but he knows Yamaguchi will appreciate it more if he doesn't pry. They tell the team that Yamaguchi's family has a history of early blindness, on his mother's side (his great-aunt and great-uncle did both have terrible vision from an early age, so maybe it's not that bad of a lie?), and that he won't be able to play volleyball anymore.
In all honesty, although he's disappointed, Yamaguchi doesn't see why the rest of the team should be. He wasn't a regular last year, and he still isn't this year. So his pinch serves are marginally better. His overall gameplay isn't at a high enough level to match the overeager new first years, and he knows he'll never be able to catch up with the so-called Monster Generation he was unfortunately born in the same time as. Which is why it surprises him to see them all so affected.
"We'll miss you, Yamaguchi!" Yachi already knows, but her sadness is genuine and she gives him a fierce hug that warms him to the core, making him promise to still eat lunch with them every day (of course he will).
"Yamaguchi-kun, you'd better come watch all our games, okay?" Kinoshita, who he's bonded with over the last two years due to their similar positions, gives him a friendly shoulder bump and ruffles his hair.
"Yamaguchi-senpai, I hope you know we're all here for you." None of the first years come anywhere close to matching his height, even if they dwarf him in power and innate skill, but it's still a little unnerving to have people actually looking up to him and calling him senpai.
"I can't believe you'd do this to us, Tadashi-kun!" This one is Nishinoya, who has a penchant for calling his kouhai by their first names. Behind the bright tone, Yamaguchi swears he can hear a little bit of desperation; Noya is losing someone on his team yet again, and there's nothing he can do about it.
"You're always welcome to come to practice, if you ever want to watch, okay, Yamaguchi? And your glasses look way cooler than Tsukishima-kun's." Hinata is surprisingly quiet through it all, just wrapping him in a slow, slight hug and giving him a soft smile. Yamaguchi is actually pretty proud of him for keeping the secret for this long. (The glasses do help, and his vision is good enough to come to class, but his head just hurts so, so much. He knows he'll miss the feeling of being on the court, but it's not worth the damage it'll undoubtedly do to his eyes if he pushes himself too hard.)
He tries to savor these last moments in the gym as a player, not just an observer. These last two years have been good to him––some of the best of his life, if not the best. He's grown so much with these people, and even the new first years have stolen a little place in his heart.
"Oh, here you go, Ennoshita-san," he says, pulling out a neatly folded Karasuno High School Volleyball Team jacket from his bag, along with his jersey, freshly laundered as of this morning. "I won't be needing this anymore."
Yachi lets out a sound that sounds a little like a squeak, hands immediately moving to cover her mouth. Ennoshita looks at him for a long moment before sighing. "Yamaguchi-kun, you will always be a part of this team. And this gym will always be a safe space for you to go; I'll make sure of that for as long as I'm captain, and I'll do my best to make sure that's how it'll be next year, too. Please keep those. You've earned them, okay?" Although his voice tapers a little at the end, he manages to finish his impromptu speech, maintaining clear eye contact with Yamaguchi the whole time. The rest of the team has gone dead silent.
"Okay. Thank you, Ennoshita-san. Thank you, everyone. I think… I think I'll be heading home now. Have a good practice!" Yamaguchi dips his head into a bow before shoving the clothes back into his bag and turning around to leave.
It feels so weird heading home without Tsukki, especially now that they've established themselves as being in a relationship. As soon as he steps outside, he takes off his glasses, storing them away in their case. He blinks a few times, adjusting to the distinct change in view, before rubbing his eyes and sighing. While being able to see––vaguely––has its benefits, the ache in the back of his head reminds him too much of the star tears, and it makes it hard to focus. He can barely pay attention in school as it is, so he'll take any opportunity to give his tired eyes a rest.
"Leaving without me, are you?"
"Tsukki!" he squeaks, turning around sharply and nearly dropping his bag. "What are you–don't you have practice right now?"
"I already talked to Ennoshita-san. He said I could take you home before coming to practice. I know you don't want to wear your glasses when you walk home, so I figured I should come with you."
"Aww, Tsukki, you'd really do all that just for me?"
"I also get to skip the first half hour of practice, so. There's that, too."
"Tsukki!"
"Besides, I know you'd miss having someone to talk to."
"And you'd miss having someone to listen to, Tsukki!"
"…"
"I'm not wrong!"
"Since when did you get so snarky? Come on, Yamaguchi, your mother will worry if you don't get home in time."
"Oh, right! I keep forgetting Okaa-san is home today! She hasn't taken a day off in so long. And I guess I've just been spending too much time around you, Tsukki. Maybe I should cut back?"
"You should talk to her."
"I know."
"And you don't need to cut back."
"I know."
"Are you going to talk to her?"
"…Soon."
"Alright, whatever you say."
"Tsukki!!"
He finds himself in what can probably be called a routine. It's not all that different from before, really. He still wakes up and takes turns with his mom to throw together hastily-prepared meals for the day. He still walks with Tsukki in the early hours of the morning, sitting in the corner of the gym and talking to Yachi or finishing homework. He still does his best not to doze off and/or stare at Tsukki the whole time in his classes and looks forward to the chaotic lunch breaks with his dear friends. He lets Tsukki walk him home, but they go all the way to Yamaguchi's doorstep each day now, rather than stopping at the intersection where their paths diverge.
"Text me when you get back to school, okay, Tsukki?"
"Yeah."
"And when you get back home, too, okay?"
"Mm."
"Are you sure you're going to be okay during practice? I know you never eat anything before and you didn't even touch your lunch today, and I'm not going to be there to scold you, and––"
"Tadashi," Tsukki says, a fond smile playing on his lips to offset the slightly stern tone of his voice. Fuck. Tsukki uses his given name sparingly, but just one Tadashi in that dark, smooth voice and he all but melts into the ground. "You only get to say these things if I'm allowed to worry about you the same way."
Yamaguchi's eyes widen and he takes a step back, his hands out in front of him. "Ah… never mind then"
Tsukki throws back his head and laughs, a pure and rich sound that Yamaguchi tucks away in the corner of his memory to replay for later.
"I'm going back to practice now, alright?"
"Okay!"
"…There's something else, isn't there, Yamaguchi?"
Damn. It's really so difficult to get anything past that stupid blonde head of his. "Can you hug me, Tsukki?"
"…Right now?"
"Yeah."
"Right here?"
"Yeah."
He's never explicitly asked Tsukki about PDA, but from what he's gleaned over the years, the other boy doesn't exactly approve. It's worth a shot though. He chooses to keep his eyes trained on the floor, letting Tsukki decide what he wants to do.
He hears a breath of air being let out, before Tsukki's arms are around him, holding him as gently as if he'd break with a single misplaced touch. He relaxes into the hug immediately, squeezing tightly, and inhales as much of Tsukki's scent as he can before it ends.
"Was that okay?"
"Your cheeks are all red, Tsukki!"
"Shut up, Yamaguchi."
"Not sorry, Tsukki!"
Tsukki just shoos him off towards his house, standing awkwardly by the gate until Yamaguchi closes the door, waving with a bright smile. As he walks towards his room, he feels a single buzz in his pocket, and his phone reads, not sorry either.