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A rain heavy boot squished in the doorway with what would have normally been a loud thud- now it was just an awkward, wet slapping noise its owner didn’t even want to think about for too long. A torn and tattered glove reached over to flick on the light switch.
Click up, click down, nothing.
Click up, click down, nothing.
Letting out a sigh the man peeled his gloves off, exposing the dampness below to the cold air, but he was already chilled to the bone from the storm raging outside. Flinching as thunder cracked, forest curls clung to a freckled forehead, but the male ignored the droplets dripping from his, well, everywhere and landing in a small puddle on the floor. His feet hurt the more he stood in such saturated shoes, but he ignored it in light of pulling out his phone from where it was carefully secured in a plastic bag to shelter the fragile device from the rain.
A notification popped up across his screen. It was a message from one of his interns at work, reading:
[Hero Deku! Due to the storm knocking out power, some of the staff in the outage areas have chosen to spend the night at the agency. Your area was one of the districts reported to be without power, but you were too quick for anyone to warn you about it. If you need to, please remember that shelter has been set up and is open for anyone who needs it.]
Great. He had been in such a rush to get home that he had waved down the staff’s concerns when they tried to reach out to him, and, now, he was standing soaking wet in the middle of his doorway in his house with no power and distress creeping up on him quickly.
Letting out a huff, the man ran a cold hand through his soaked curls. The “great” Midoriya Izuku; All Might’s successor and the mind behind the mask of Pro Hero: Deku, sat there like a wet dog in his doorway, dangerously close to tears as the cold soaked into his already aching bones. With a pathetic half-laugh, Midoriya began to unzip his suit, kicking his boots off in the doorway and squishing down the hall to his pathetic bathroom- so much for the shower he wanted.
Uniform falling to the floor with a damp ‘plop,’ emerald gems looked to the mirror in front of him. Even with the massively impressive bulk he had put on over the years, he couldn’t help but feel so small. Scars took over his entire form, massive, deep, crooked; they reminded him of how twisted he was, how broken he couldn’t help but be. Looking into his own eyes, Midoriya started wondering just when he started to fake his smile; his visage was hollow, unblemished by even a single wrinkle of emotion as he stared back at himself.
Suddenly, a ghost’s breath shivered up his spine, reminding the man that he was still soaked to the core and standing in his bathroom wearing nothing but damp boxers. With another bitter half laugh and a shake of his head, Midoriya grabbed a towel and began to dry himself off, violently ignoring the mirror in front of him. He couldn’t stand his own reflection- not when it looked so sad. He was living his dream! He was rising in the Hero ranks and saving tens of people on the daily, sometimes even hundreds of civilians on a good day.
But he lost too many-
Their pale, lifeless bodies haunted his vision. Their various cries suddenly filled the air as they screamed, begged for a hero to help them, but he was too late… Bile clawed its way up from his churning stomach, as empty as his tightened chest felt. If only had been stronger, faster, less distracted-
If only he had been anyone other than himself.
Heat began to flood the freckles on his cheeks with warm tears, pushing down the freezing dirty rain, but that didn’t do anything to change how disgusting he felt. The soft fabric of the towel did little to rid Midoriya of the chill that racked his entire body as he made his way to his pitiful room. It was decked wall to wall to wall with Hero merch- from older heroes like Crimson Riot and All Might, to newer gens like Miruko and Burnin’, and all the way up through Lemillion and Suneater as well as his classmates from Class A.
Normally their gazes were reassuring- they were his reason for getting out of bed every day, even when his body ached and he wanted nothing more than to weep with exhaustion like he was doing in the moment, but, now that his walls- his carefully constructed facade had fallen- he felt exposed to their gazes. The once cheerful paint jobs seemed to warp into sneers and frowns that made him want to curl up and cry even harder. Vertigo shook his body as if it was trying to warn him that his emotions were about to spill over the edge.
Quickly throwing on a hoodie- a plain one, since hero merch seemed to hurt too much; it felt like salt on the wound, a taunting reminder that he was a liar and a fake, Midoriya found himself redressing quicker than he did in middle school when he feared being mocked for his figure. In spite of how much he had grown physically, the Hero felt like he was a middle schooler again, lying to the teachers about the bullying because they weren’t going to do anything. There was no one he could go to for help- not then, not now. Sure, plenty of Heroes had therapists and such- especially after word got out about some of the past Heroes’ actions. Lemillion openly went to quirk counseling for a while, and Suneater was one of the first waves of Heroes who honestly admitted their neurological detriments, seeing as he did an entire interview talking about how he dealt with anxiety in his daily life. Ground Zero went through anger management courses, and Uravity went to financial classes for a good while. But Midoriya- Deku had no time for that…
Pausing mid-motion, Midoriya realized that he had absentmindedly grabbed onto one of his Ground Zero plushies after putting on the hoodie and draping a heavy blanket over his shoulders. Emerald gems glanced around, it wasn’t like anyone was there to judge him, and, honestly, he couldn’t get any more pathetic than he already was. Eyes rimmed red and fresh bruises forming up and down his body, there were still leftover droplets of water on his mangled freckled skin, and the forest haired male stood in his pantsless glory wearing a hoodie that came down to his knees- quite a feat for the bulky hero.
For some reason, his childhood friend always reminded him of simpler times. Ground Zero, aka Bakugou Katsuki was a rude, spiteful brat as a kid- always strived to be the best. He would win anything without fail, pushed and pushed to be the best he possibly could. He was a shining light for Midoriya, and maybe that was on him. Even as young Bakugou would shove him down throughout elementary school or when he would watch from afar with those scornful eyes as his classmates would put young Midoriya down in what they called ‘his place,’ there was something about the fire in scarlet eyes, the wind in ash blond hair, and the smoke seething from his calloused palms that just drew Midoriya to the other boy.
Bakugou worked tirelessly to become the best hero he could- always top of the class, training on the daily, and prodding at the very fundamentals of his quirk, the boy had one goal in mind and it was clear.
Seeming him work so hard only made Midoriya want to work harder. Bakugou was the stars looking down on him from the night sky, and he was a ship just trying to get off of the ground. Despite every setback, the blond was still a constant in his life, always there; always shining like the star he was.
Midoriya felt blessed to stand by his side, but he also felt so small; he felt swallowed by his hopeless feelings of love and inferiority.
Even when they grew older together; when Bakugou finally let down his walls so that they could fight side by side, there was nothing that made the boy happier- even if his heart had always longed to call them more than just “friends.” He had always been the explosive blond’s number one fan… and one of the few people that saw how hard he had to work for what he had. THAT was why Midoriya chose to stay by his side, because Bakugou could achieve anything he put his mind to, and maybe, just maybe, he would put his mind to being kind… As a kid, it was a childish dream, but, low and behold, Bakugou did it! Just like Midoriya always knew he would…
But where was he?
He always said that he would be someone worthy to stand beside such a star, to fight alongside someone so great as a partner, silently hoping that one day they could be more, but was he really? The rain cascaded down, pelting the ground like the thoughts plaguing his mind hit him where he was weak. He had always been the runt- quirkless, falling behind. He said that he was going to work hard and accomplish his dreams, but the truth was that he never really believed in himself to begin with. That time when All Might said that he couldn’t become a Hero, he was reasonably crushed, but he honestly never expected anything different. Midoriya was ready to give up his dream completely in that moment, to burn the books he had like Bakugou had threatened to do- even though he left all of the pages readable- and scramble up a place at a B or C high school pursuing a boring education.
However, seeing Bakugou fighting for his life- even when it was hopeless, even when the numerous Heroes around him had seemingly abandoned him! There was no way Midoriya couldn’t move, couldn’t reach out like he had always wanted to do- to let Bakugou know that he wasn’t alone. Of course, he had little impact on the scene, other than giving the blond an extra second to breathe, but he hadn’t really expected to make much of an impact… a part of him hoped that the villain would get mad and go after him again.
The vile liquid filling his mouth and wiggling its way down his throat made him want to vomit-
Stopping for a minute, the Pro rushed to his bathroom to grab another towel, violently scrubbing the last of the rain’s droplets from his hair, his cheeks, his legs, his feet; Midoriya even ripped his hoodie off to scrub his arms raw.
It was no surprise to say that he hated that incident. He was willing to give up in that moment, to let his life be reduced to nothing without a single person around him. Maybe then Bakugou wouldn’t have a fear of restraints… If Midoriya had been more careful, the villain would have never gotten away. If he had just given up sooner, Bakugou wouldn’t have reacted so poorly to UA’s binding methods; he would have never gotten captured. If Midoriya had just given up, All Might could have given his quirk to someone deserving- not a pathetic wannabe who was sitting hopelessly in his bathroom! The only thing louder than the pounding rain outside was his desperate wails, hiccups like thunder.
He would never forget the look on Bakugou’s face when he had been caught by the water quirk user who trapped him in a tank. For a moment, he thrashed helplessly, fear seeping into his movements as he had to relive the nightmares that haunted him for years, only progressively getting worse. Just as soon as he started, he stopped. For once in his life, Bakugou gave up because he was fighting shock and fear and reliving the worst moments of his life. He was going to die. He had resigned himself to that though, letting his limbs still and his eyes glass over.
He was probably thinking about all of the life that he lived- or perhaps he was back in middle school again, thinking about all of the life he had yet to experience. He could have been feeling completely alone- or worse, dawned with the fact that there were a good hundred people watching him suffer like some kind of rat in an experiment- like they always were, he had confided one night in Midoriya, admitting that he knew everyone around him was just waiting for him to fail, to fuck up, to reach a point so low that they didn’t even have to dig their heels into his hide to get him to stay down.
And he had accepted that incident as his moment. He gave up and was ready to let the villain drown the life out of him. All because of Midoriya’s screw ups. Those screw ups that hurt the only person he had ever loved without obligation.
He would never forget the pained look on Todoroki’s face when he watched an entire cityscape burn to the ground because he lost control of the power that Midoriya had practically forced him to tap into. The heterochromatic Hero refused duty for months after that, becoming skittish around the smallest of flames and barely using his quirk to the level it was at in middle school.
He would never forget the sight of Uraraka, bloodied and nearly lifeless on the ground after using the physical combat skills Midoriya had helped her with, had encouraged her to rely on. She knew that the villain was stronger than her, but, of course, she followed Midoriya’s example and went after him anyway. The forest haired boy could still remember finding her barely breathing as she lay strewn across the broken bits of rubble. In her last exhale before passing, she laughed, looking up at Midoriya and joking, “Hey, aren’t we the same, now?” She was hospitalized for a while after that and suffered traumatic injuries… because she was imitating Midoriya.
That’s all he was- a bad influence, a liability, a problem.
If he had let Lemillion handle things back with Eri, they could have gotten her out soon. The Eight Princeps wouldn’t have been prepared for them, and so much damage could have been prevented. Togata wouldn’t have lost his quirk, and Eri wouldn’t have felt burdened by her power trying to restore it.
If it wasn’t for him, the LoV wouldn’t have been so focused on taking his quirk. AfO would have had no idea where All Might’s successor was if he hadn’t been so flashy and obvious.
The rain picked up like a crescendo of white noise- pounding harder and harder… or perhaps it was just the sound of his broken cries bouncing off of the tiles and smacking him in the skull. His body shook like a leaf in a typhoon, unable to contain the raw sorrow clawing its way out and scratching his throat; it was unable to contain the pain seeping from his weeping eyes and trailing hot, itchy lines down his frozen cheeks.
Lighting struck the sky. Of course, he didn’t see it light up the clouds, since he had no nearby window, but the sound of the thunder boomed and cracked like a king, stepping on his head and forcing him to bow to the weight of his emotions.
It was only natural that he didn’t hear the forceful knocks or the calls of his name, nor did he catch the door thrusting open or the footsteps following.
For a moment, the rain died down, as did his cries of a lost boy struggling with the weight of the world. The chill in the air was suddenly evident and inevitable as Midoriya realized the bulk of excessive muscle he had put on over the years did little to fight the frigid waters evaporating from his ever exposed skin. His hoodie and Hero plush lay abandoned on the cold tile, dropped in a fit of physical anxiety and looking up at him somberly.
He shrugged into the hoodie, thankful for the little bit of warmth it provided to thaw his skin- even if it couldn’t reach the depths of his iced over heart. Wiping his snot off with his sleeve and reaching for the plushie, its angered face provided solace, as if it were mad at him for crying like a baby over his own worthlessness, “I leave you for five fucking minutes and you’re already falling to shit?” he could practically hear that gruff voice as he hugged the plush tight, “I can’t believe this shit! What? You’re going to give up because things have gotten rough? When the fuck has that ever stopped you?” Midoriya let out the smallest giggle amidst his pain; the Plushugou had a point, one that the real Bakugou probably would have made too… it was comforting, in its own little way- not that he was surprised his consciousness would step in and make him feel like the boy of his dreams was right beside of him.
“Oi! Shithead! I didn’t bring your shitty ass food just to be upstaged by my own damn plushie!”
Wait… Plushugou would have never said that; realization hit Midoriya as his head jerked over to the doorway. Sure enough, a multitude of senses flooded the Hero. The warmth radiating from Bakugou’s body in the doorway, the smell of the food in his hand, the sound of his breathing as it was slightly labored from the trip over; all of those feelings surged through him, threatening to open the floodgates once more.
“Ah, so Kacchan’s really here?” he almost didn’t recognize his own voice speaking, it was as watery as the droplets rolling down the blond’s rain jacket.
“What the fuck do you mean by that, hah? Of course I’m fucking here! Now get off of the fucking floor or I’m eating this Katsudon in front of you without sharing!” Bakugou snapped, but there was no malice to his words.
For a brief moment, Midoriya felt awful for making the stars dim their lights; he knew that expression anywhere. It was the one where Bakugou was upset, distraught in a way that left him scrambling for what to do in the dim light. However, the slow growing scowl taking over the worried features made him jump back into his own skin.
“Kacchan would never!” he gasped dramatically, wiping the tears from his eyes as he stood on wobbly legs.
“You bet your ass I will!” Bakugou challenged, a grin wiping away his scowl.
“Not if you love me-”
“Hah? And who said anything about loving your sorry ass? I don’t have any energy to spare for idiots who rush home without listening to their interns trying to tell them that the power is out in their entire area!” Bakugou obviously didn’t mean those words; it was his way of saying that Midoriya’s actions were bad and that he needed to learn from them. However for a split second, those words pierced the Hero’s heart, [How could I love you?] (After all I’ve put you through, I wouldn’t expect you to)- the lines played out like a romantic drama in which soon the two interests would go their own ways, somberly parting. Depending on the movie, they’d end up getting back together, but, well, Midoriya wasn’t in a movie.
“Well, that’s too bad because I still love you-” the words fell from his lips before he could stop them. His solemn emerald gems went wide with panic, snapping over to assess Bakugou’s now rigid form.
Of course he heard.
Bakugou had halted in place; he had even stopped using his quirk to keep the take out in his hand warm, “You what?” He turned around, expression unreadable.
Midoriya immediately hid behind the plush in an attempt to cover the flush on his face, “Ah, nothing. It was nothing! You probably just heard thunder or something-” he lied ungracefully.
“You… love me?”
The air went still.
Midoriya didn’t say anything.
“Oi, Deku, did you say that-?” “I did.”
The interaction happened in a blur. Emerald gems squeezed together tightly, preparing for the worst- for disgust, for hatred, for all of those years clawing at comfort to be lost.
But it didn’t happen.
Bakugou stood for a moment in thought, scarlet eyes narrowed as they assessed Midoriya from head to toe, cheeks flushing slightly upon the realization that he was not wearing pants. He didn’t press further, only turned back around on his heel and went back towards the couch, “If you think that’s gonna fucking keep me from eating your portion, you’re wrong, so hurry your ass up.”
The boy behind him felt exposed and cold for more reasons than the draft hitting his bare legs. Following emptily, Midoriya looked down at the ground, clutching his plush tightly. He supposed he should have been happy. Bakugou wasn’t yelling or cursing at him. There was no disgust or rage. He wasn’t being told that they would have to split up their agency or cancel their Hero partnership… But maybe he would have preferred one of those things as opposed to such lukewarmness… Either way, his eyes didn’t dare leave the floor, his cheeks couldn’t take leaving the plush warmth, and his heart drug on the ground like his feet refused to pick themselves up. It was disheartening, he admitted, but he would get over it. Midoriya tried to convince himself that he was okay- or that he was going to be okay.
Suddenly, his nose was wet and warm as he exited the hallway. Leaping back in surprise, jade gems looked up in shock to see Bakugou laughing heartedly, “I guess it’s a good thing I fucking love you, too, shitty nerd-” he paused to chuckle, “You really have shitty timing though.”
“You-” he couldn’t believe it, “You really mean it?”
Bakugou sputtered, clearly offended, “No! Not at all! I walked through the pouring fucking rain, after a long ass mission, with your favorite fucking food, because I hate your stupid fucking guts!”
Midoriya giggled, looking off to the side cheekily, “Well, when you put it like that…”
“Like what, asshole?” the blond looked taken aback, flushing visibly in a way that his Hero partner couldn’t help but describe as cute. Bakugou waited for a response, but when it seemed like none was coming, he spoke up again, “Oi, fuckface! You have three seconds to get over here and ditch that stupid plushie! You don’t need a fucking fake when I’m right here!”
Midoriya only laughed harder at that, “Oh? Is Kacchan jealous of his own plushie?” Suddenly all of his pain was forgotten as he set Plushugou down onto the table, and strode over to where the real Bakugou waited by the couch.
“Why the fuck would I be jealous?”
“Absolutely no reason-” Midoriya interjected, “Because the real Kacchan is the one I love~”
Bakugou flailed again, flumping down on the couch with a slight pout, “Yeah you fucking better.”
“Yeah, I do,” the freckled boy reassured him, crawling onto the couch with him and wrapping strong, scarred arms across the blond’s small waist. It was awkward to look at; Midoriya being both taller and more broad than Bakugou, but he still curled into his lap like a kitten. However for the first time that night, the rain falling outside was now soothing instead of haunting to the two Heroes. One last mutter left his lips as he buried his nose in the explosive boy’s neck, “I really love Kacchan.”