Chapter Text
10 months
Hizashi stares at his hands while a nurse with a healing quirk tries to save what is left of his hearing. Not that there was much to be saved even before Haruki activated Voice the moment Hizashi tried to pick him up. He has been wearing hearing aids for years; his own quirk causing him to lose most of his hearing at a young age. His mother is almost completely deaf too - all because of him. Hizashi’s hands shake as he sits. He just hopes… he hopes Haru will be okay… that his ears will not be affected as badly… that he can shield him from the feelings of guilt, shame and sadness he himself has had feeling growing up.
All finished. The nurse signs to him, smiling. Hizashi tries to smile back at her but fails miserably. She continues: The right side should be fine in a couple of days. For the left side… I cannot do much. She pauses, cautiously formulating her next statement. It might be time to consider an implant; that way you might be able to recover some hearing on that side.
Hizashi nods, carefully sliding off the exam table. Nothing really surprises him, he expected as much the moment his ear came away bleeding after Haruki lost control of his quirk.
I blocked any sound from entering your ear canal, so your hearing has time to recover. It will last for about a week – I am afraid you’ll be completely deaf until then.
Thank you. He smiles, a little more honest this time.
-
Taking a taxi home is a drag; the outside world is not prepared for people with disabilities. Taxi drivers usually do not know signs. Hizashi contents himself with typing his address out on his phone and showing it to the guy. It works.
The sun is already rising when he opens the front door. To his surprise, most of his family is still gathered in the living room. Shouta sits on the couch, watching him. Little Haruki is fast asleep against his father’s chest, Saya cuddled up next to him with her head on his thigh. She is fast asleep too. Hitoshi sits on the floor across from them, playing with his phone.
“Hi.” Hizashi mouths it carefully, afraid that if he actually speaks, he could misjudge the volume wake the kids.
Hi. Shouta signs. Are you okay?
His shaky smile is every answer Shouta needs to motion for Hitoshi to take Haruki, carefully wiggling out under Saya without waking her. Shouta hugs Hizashi tight then and the blonde buries his face in the unruly, dark hair.
Deaf for a week. Left side’s pretty much gone… probably implant necessary… He trails off.
Shouta nods, a neutral expression on his face. They look at each other, silently deciding to talk about it in more detail the next time they are alone.
-
“No, no! You have to… like this!”
It is two weeks later and Hizashi has regained most of his hearing on the right side, when he stops dead in his tracks next to Saya’s door. What on earth is she doing? She usually does not talk to herself while playing anymore.
“… like that?” Hitoshi was in there with her?
Puzzled, Hizashi approaches the door. It is ajar, so he pushes it open a little further. Saya and Hitoshi are sitting on her bed, facing each other. They have their hands in the air, forming… sign language? Hizashi stares, dumbfounded.
“Yes! Now again!”
Hizashi watches in awe as Hitoshi carefully spells out his own name. He claps once the boy finishes, a proud little smile on his face, causing both children to whirl around. His student blushes satisfyingly.
“Um…”
“What are you guys doing?”
“I’m teaching ‘toshi signs! So he can talk to you better!” Saya beams up at him. Hizashi laughs when he watches the teen fidget nervously. Deep within him, his heart melts a little for the older boy.
“Oh well, maybe I can help you with that!”
18 months
Haruki does not talk. He walks and crawls and plays just fine; he is healthy, but he does not talk. Shouta and Hizashi have not been too worried at first. Saya has started talking before she turned one, little babbling noises soon turning into single words. However, Haruki is his own person too, so they decide to give him time to develop. And he does… just not when it comes to language and by now… they are getting nervous.
“This can’t be normal, ‘zashi.” Shouta sits on their bed, cuddling the sleepy toddler. “He should at least say a few words by now.”
“M-maybe he’s just lazy, Shou?” This earns him a death glare, causing Hizashi to quickly turn more serious. “Sorry… I… I just don’t know what to do.”
They end up taking him to specialist after specialist. It is the same everywhere: Haruki is healthy, his hearing fine, his brain fine, his development otherwise normal. Still, his refusal to talk is unnerving – keeping Shouta up even more than usual.
Hizashi is not exactly sure how or when it happens, but at some point, he just starts to narrate everything he does to Haruki. Maybe he just needs more input? If it were just that… Maybe he just needs more variety to choose his first word from? Still, Haruki does not speak.
“C’mon, Haru-chan! Cookie!” He holds out the cookie for him to see, but not to reach. “Say it… say cookie!” The baby stares, Shouta’s signature frown on his face. Great. “Please, Haru-chan! Please just… just say one word!” Nothing. “Coo-kie!” Still nothing, instead, Haruki starts sniffling with frustration. Hizashi sighs, desperate. He looks at Haruki, before finally giving in and holding the treat out for him. Haruki takes it and starts nibling at it. He makes a happy face now, to which Hizashi smiles.
“Why won’t you say it, lil’ listener?”
Haruki just stares at him with his big, green eyes… mirroring his own.
“It’s so simple… coo-kie… see?” Hizashi does not know why, but for some reason he instinctively starts to make the sign simultaneously to pronouncing the work. Maybe it is his own early childhood memories that make him do it… maybe the small hope that what worked for him will work for his son too. “Coo-kie!” He waits for a moment before trying again. “Cookie.” He repeats the motion.
To his surprise, Haruki mirrors him with his chubby, little hands.
“Yes! YES! THAT’S RIGHT! Cookie!”
This time, Haruki’s movement is a lot clearer, a lot more intentional. Hizashi feels tears well up in his eyes.
“You did it, my lil’ listener!” He scoops him up, hugging him close. Haruki giggles contently. “Well done! Well done!”
“What happened?!”
Shouta seems irritated by the sudden outburst of emotion, entering from their home office where he has been grading papers.
“Shou! He said cookie!” Shouta’s face falls, his mouth falling open. “What!?”
“Yes, yes he did!”
As if on cue, Haruki repeats the sign towards his father.
“See?! He can sign! Shou, he signed it!”
2 years
Haruki has been learning sign language well since Hizashi’s discovery. However, they do not figure out the exact root of his refusal to speak until months later. He has been sick, a crying, sniffling and feverish mess that absolutely refuses to let Shouta go, activating his quirk whenever the brunette is out of side. It only gets worse; the symptoms become more, the fever rises… Shouta is at his limit with erasure and both of them are worried sick. Not even Hitoshi, who the toddler seems to absolutely adore, can calm him down anymore. After three days and sleepless nights, they finally decide to take him to the hospital. If only to give Shouta a break from having to cancel out voice.
“I’m worried ‘zashi… they took him over two hours ago…”
It has been Recovery Girl herself who insisted to attend to little Haruki, ushering Hizashi and Shouta out of the room and ordering them to wait for her. Hours tick by agonizingly slow and still, no sign of the elderly doctor.
“What if… it’s something serious?” Hizashi squeezs his hand.
“I’m sure it’s nothing… babies are more resilient when we think.”
Still, the anxiety only rises with the next hour, causing both of them to jump up as soon as Recovery Girl appears in the small waiting area.
“I think I know what’s wrong with our little friend…”
They look at her in anticipation, squeezing each other’s hand tightly.
“Haru-chan has the flu.”
Shouta feels his face fall. The flu? He has the flu? And he had to wait for over three hours to be told what has been obvious from the start? Recovery Girl raises her hand then, effectively stopping them from saying anything.
“More importantly, I know why his symptoms have worsened… and why he has been refusing to talk for all this time.”
“Y-you do?”
Shouta’s mind blanks, equally parts filling with anxiety and hope. She knows? She knows why he has not been talking? Can they… finally stop worrying?
“I think I do.” Recovery Girl pauses, looking down at her clipboard. “I believe his vocal cords are in a constant state of irritation; it has worsened since I last saw him, and I think it explains why he does not talk… his throat hurts. Probably constantly, getting worse every time he activates his quirk on accident.”
He has activated his quirk often lately… Shouta felt his chest tighten, his heart hurting. “So you’re saying… he has been in pain all his life?”
Next to him, Hizashi’s breath hitches loudly. Recovery Girl regards them for a long moment before giving a cautious nod.
“It can be managed… we’ll figure out some medication to ease the symptoms… and the pain will decrease once he gets a better handle on controlling his quirk. Within the next couple of months… maybe two to three years he should get the hand of it.”
Shouta feels like crying, but instead chooses to swallow hard against the lump in his throat.
“Okay…”
4 years old
He holds out the freshly washed plate for Hitoshi to take and dry off. It is Sunday; the one day of the week where they try to all get together and have dinner as a family; Shouta and Hizashi, Saya, Haruki, Hitoshi and Denki with little Keiko. Today it almost worked out, the only one missing is his son in law.
“She took her first steps last night.” Hitoshi is grinning from ear to ear when he tells his father, chest swollen with pride. It is still a little weird, seeing him like this… his son as a father himself… Shouta feels old just thinking about the title ‘grandpa’.
He wants to say something in response but is interrupted by a strange sound. A voice he has never heard before, scratchy and rough and quiet. He almost drops the plate in shock, sprinting out of the kitchen, Hitoshi hot on his heels.
There they are; Haruki and Keiko on their play blanket. The little girl sniffling miserably, close to fully crying, and desperately trying to reach her plush pikachu that has slipped under the couch. His son is crouching next to her, trying to help and… talking? Shouta stares. Haruki is talking to her?! HARUKI IS TALKING TO KEIKO?!
“No Keiko… don’t… cry…” His voice does sound strained, like Recovery Girl predicted all those months ago. “We’ll get it…”
It suddenly occurres to Shouta that he should help them. That he should get Keiko’s toy so she will not be sad and cry, that he should get it so Haruki does not have to painfully use his voice and that he is indeed, the adult here… but… but hearing his sons voice is so incredibly beautiful, he cannot bring himself to interrupt Haruki’s talking.
In the end, it is Hitoshi who defuses the situation - getting the pikachu and soothing Keiko and thanking Haruki in clumsy signs. Shouta’s heart breaks a little when he realizes; he cannot share this moment with Hizashi… and there is no guarantee another moment like that will come any time soon.
“Don’t worry.” Hitoshi tells him later. “I took a video before saving my daughter.”
6 years
“I don’t wanna play with Yamada! He’s no fun!” Ueno complains to his teacher so loudly, the other kids on the playground turn to look at them. Haruki shifts from one foot to the other, avoiding their looks and watching his shoes. “All he ever does is read books! And he’s all weird and never talks!” With that, his classmate runs off. Haruki does not bother watching him, instead pulling his newest book out of his backpack. It is about geodes. He likes geodes; they are all pretty and colourful. The look his teacher gives him is weird.
“Haru-chan…” She crouches down in front of him. “Maybe you can… play football with the others for a bit?” He shakes his head. Football is all exciting… it makes him breathe harder and then his throat hurts him more. He could try and sign that to his teacher, but her sign language is bad… so Haruki just shakes his head and wanders off to the next tree.
Reading about geodes is fun. It is interesting; a topic he has not read about. He carefully traces a finger over each character, silently mouthing the readings. People always think he is dumb because he does not talk. Why? He can read just fine. He can talk to. He just does not like it; it makes his throat hurt.
-
It is very hot that weekend. So hot in fact, that Papa sets up a little swimming pool in the backyard for him and Nee-chan and Keiko. He buys a watermelon too. Nee-chan’s friend comes over later and they go and buy ice cream for him and Keiko as well. It is a nice day.
D’you want to invite a friend too, lil’ listener? We have fireworks for later!
Papa signs the same way he speaks; exaggerated and full of energy. Haruki likes it. He wants to be like that too… maybe his classmates would like him better then?
No.
He cannot be like Papa… he just is not this excited. He joins dad in the shade, pretending to nap alongside him, before Papa can ask him again.
8 years
His book is before him on the ground, dirty and beaten and ripped apart. Most of the pages were torn out, some tossed in the nearby pond. He has not even gotten around to properly read it. It hurts the most; knowing that he will not be able to see what happens beyond the first chapter. Haruki stands, helplessly staring at his destroyed treasure while his classmates laugh at him in the distance.
When has this gotten so out of hand? They always thought he was weird, sure… but… when did it start to get so bad? When did they first write curse words on his desk again? When was the first time they hid his shoes? When did they start targeting his books? He cannot remember.
-
You’re not reading tonight?
Papa looks at him puzzled while he tugs him in. Normally, Haruki would be reaching for his book by now, pleading to be allowed to read for just another 30minutes or so. But now… he looks away, ashamed.
I forgot it at school.
Why does he lie to Papa? Haruki is not sure… he is sad. So, so sad… but he does not want Papa or Dad or Saya or ‘toshi to be sad too.
-
“Haru? Oi, Haru, where are you?”
Right… Nee-chan said she would pick him up from school today. She promised they would go to the cat café he likes so much, so he can pat his favourite, big black cat.
Silent tears run down his face while he tries to pick up the shreds that were once his book. Saya finds him there, by the swings, and freezes in shock.
“Haru?!” She rushes to his side, forcing him to look at her. “Oi, what happened?!” He forcefully avoids her eyes, even when she gasps as she sees the bruise on his forehead. “Haruki…” Her grip on his arms tightens and he winces; her strength is brutal.
Don’t tell Dad and Papa.
Her eyes widen. “What? Why? Haru, this…” She gestures at the remains of his book. “How long has this been going on. He does not answer, picking up shred after shred instead.
Please.
Nee-chan looks as if she is about to cry too. She does not though, and she does not talk anymore either, silently helping him pick up the rest of the paper.
Seeing pumpkin, his favourite cat, makes the day a little better.
-
Saya is boiling with barely contained anger when she is waiting at the konbini that morning. She has done her research over the last week; she knows they will come this way. It is only a matter of time. How dare they do something like that to her little brother?
It is a group of five boys, one of them with a mutation type quirk. His nails are claws and Saya watches him like a hawk when she steps in front of the group. They seem to recognize here – her muscular build and bright green eyes together with the UA uniform a dead give-away.
“YOU’RE THE GIRL THAT WON THE SPORTS FESTIVAL! I SAW YOU ON TV!”
Ah, so they are excited to see her? Very good. She puts on her best, most manic grin.
“You got me, lil’ asshole.”
Their faces fall. Oh, how she will enjoy this. Cracking her knuckles, she steps forward.
“Let’s have a chat now, shall we?”
-
Ueno stares at him with wide, fearful eyes the whole morning. He does that… but nothing else. Haruki is confused… usually… they would at least have started to throw paper balls at his head or something that by now. But… nothing. Everything stays calm… the whole day…
He takes his newest book home with him that day… in one piece. Haruki is over the moon; finally! Finally, he can read before sleeping again.
Surprisingly, everything stays calm the day after that too. And the day after that. And the next day too. Haruki does not understand what is happening… but with each passing day it seems… more normal.
He does not know what happened. Maybe they just got bored with him? They do not seem to have a new target…? Happy is not the right word to describe what he is feeling.
“So, how’s school?”
It is rare for Nee-chan to be interested in him like that. Haruki looks at her puzzled when he signs his answer.
Good… better.
Nee-chan, for some reason, has the brightest smile on her face. Weird.
10 years old
Keiko-chan goes to school now too. It is exciting. Really, really exciting. Keiko-chan knows him and she does not think he is weird at all! She understands when he signs and she likes books too, so Haruki spends his lunch breaks teaching her to read all the difficult Kanji she has not learned yet.
For the first half year of her time in school, everything is perfect. He even made a few new friends because of her. Then suddenly… everything changes. No, only one thing changes: the others find out about her quirk when she accidentally grabs one of her classmates while playing in the school yard. Purple lightning shoots through his body when she does and everyone watches in horror as he falls to the ground, brain short-circuited and out of commission for the rest of the day.
It is horrible. Keiko-chan cries and cries when ‘toshi-nii and Denki-nii come to pick her up. His heart hurts for her when he watches her father as he carries her home. They say it is not a big deal… that it was an accident and that it was not her fault… it does not make anything better.
After that, their classmates start avoiding her too. Then they start talking about her behind her back… then they write ‘villain’ on her desk. Haruki stands and stares at her desk when he comes to pick her up to go home together. He makes up a lie that he forgot something and that she should go ahead then… and spends the afternoon scrubbing her desk.
Should he tell Papa and Dad? Or ‘toshi-nii? Or Saya? Can they even do something?
In the end, he does not have the time to decide.
-
Keiko-chan is not in her classroom when he comes to pick her up for lunch that day. It is strange… she usually waits for him. No. She always waits for him. Haruki feels his heartbeat quicken. Then he hears it; a pained gasp… he sprints in the direction of the voice immediately, finding them behind the next flight of stairs.
“Keiko!” His throat hurts just saying her name, but nothing can hurt more than the fearful look in her eyes. She stands, pressed against the wall, surrounded by three of the older students. One of the girls holds her ponytail in one hand and… a pair of scissors in the other! Haruki feels his breath hitch.
“Leave her alone!” Why does his voice have to break like this?! They laugh, he is sounding so pathetic. Keiko sobs. “Haru-chan!”
“Or what?” Their laughter increases. “You’re gonna quiet us against the wall?” The expressions they were are smug. Haruki’s eyes widen. “We don’t want her here! Such a scary quirk! Only villains have quirks like this.”
There are tears on Keiko’s face. Haruki sees them and something in him just… snaps. “I said…” His hands balls into fists. He feels his control slipping-
“LEAVE HER ALONE!”
Glass shatters all around him when the hallway windows burst. He hears people screaming, teachers running… but the only thing he sees is Keiko’s crying face when she runs towards him, swinging her arms around his neck. Her body shakes in his embrace.
It takes a few minutes for Haruki to come back to his senses. His heart starts racing when he finally notices the destruction around him… one of the girls who is clutching her bleeding ear on the floor… how on earth did he miss Keiko?
-
“He didn’t hurt her on purpose! He was just defending Keiko-chan!” The hallway in front of his principals is eerily silent. Haruki sits on a plastic chair that is to tall for him, staring at his knees. Inside the office, Dad and Papa are half-yelling at their principal. Keiko holds his hand tight, patiently waiting for ‘toshi-nii to come and get her. She is a lot smaller than him, her legs dangling in the air as she sits. It would be cute… if there were no other, more pressing matters at hand. Haruki feels tears sting his eyes, but he blinks them away.
Finally, Dad and Papa emerge, a grim expression on their faces. Haruki cannot look at them. He just… cannot. Guilt claws at his heart. He hurt someone… he really, really hurt someone… all because he lost control of his stupid quirk… why does he have a quirk like that? He… would rather be quirkless.
“C’mon, I’m taking you home.” Dad holds out his hand for Keiko. She looks at him, unsure what to do, then back at Haruki. “’zashi and Haruki need to have a talk.” His heart races in his chest when Keiko finally lets go of him, being lead off by Dad. He still does not look at Papa, even though it is only the two of them now.
“Haru-chan…” Haruki does not know how to react or what to do. He wants to cry, but he is scared too. He is scared that it will Papa even more angry… he must be furious already. “Haru-chan, c’mon… look at me my lil’ listener.” His voice holds no anger though… and neither do his eyes when he finally dares to look at them.
“Let’s go to the park, okay?”
Papa does not wait for an answer. He just scoops him up and starts walking. He walks and walks; out of the hallway, then the building, leaving behind the schoolyard and the street the school is in. The further they get away, the harder it is for Haruki to hold back his tears. Until finally… the dam breaks. He buries his face in Papa’s neck then, inhaling the familiar scent of his black leather jacket and just cries.
-
They sit on a bench, in a quiet corner of the nearby park when Haruki has finally calmed down some. Papa buys him hot chocolate from the vending machine too and he sips it between sniffling and wiping snot from his face.
“Haru… we’re not angry.”
This catches his attention and he stares at Papa in disbelief.
“You did it to protect Keiko-chan, didn’t you?” He nods cautiously, his fingers fumbling with his drink. Papa ruffles his hair. “You did well. She’s all okay.”
I hurt someone. He pauses, then starts signing again; angry tears returning to his eyes. I hate my quirk! Why does it have to hurt people?! Papa looks all sad now… just like Haruki himself feels.
“I did too… when I was your age.” A sad chuckle. “Y’know grandma’s deaf too, right?” He does not want too, but his eyes wander to the hearing aid Papa has on his left ear. “She’s deaf because I lost control back then too… it’s my fault.”
Papa understands... Papa understands him? Haruki marvels at the other. He understands. Putting down his hot chocolate, he hugs Papa tightly. Papa understands.
I’m sorry.
“Don’t be. It’s not you that’s wrong… or your quirk… it’s the school that’s wrong. And the girls bullying Keiko-chan… and the principal who doesn’t understand…” Papa hugs him back now. “But it’s not you. It could never be. You’re such a kind, good boy, Haru-chan… and we all love you so, so much.” His voice breaks; hoarse and tired and incredibly sad.
It is scary to see Papa cry… but it makes him feel less alone.
-
I cannot go back, can I?
Dad looks at him strangely. The way he signed it… it is not a question and Dad knows that. Haruki looks at him with the same tired eyes. It has been a week since he has been at school and no one has mentioned anything about it to him. Haruki is tired. He is tired of not knowing, tired of being sad and scared, tired of feeling like an outsider and a burden.
Dad… tell me…
Dad sighs, massaging the bridge of his nose.
Please
“No… they… expelled you.” He speaks through gritted teeth while Haruki just… sinks into himself.
What do I do now?
“Haruki…” Dad steps closer, crouching down in front of him. “Papa and I have been thinking… maybe… you want to go live with grandma for a while?”
He stares at Dad. Grandma is great. She is funny and kind and she always buys him the most interesting books. Grandma is deaf too so… if he loses control of his quirk again, he cannot hurt her. Why does he feel sad that Dad asks him that? Why does it feel like they want to get rid of him?
You… want me to leave? The thought alone feels like it is impaling him.
“Haru, look at me!” He does. “We don’t want you to leave. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to... but we think that maybe… it would be good for you… to have a chance to start anew. Do you understand?”
No. He wants to scream, but he does not. Is it because I am dangerous? You’re scared I’ll hurt you… or Keiko…?
“Wha- NO!” Dad yells so suddenly that he flinches. Haruki is hugged close to him then. “We love you so, so much Haruki… you’re our son. And we want you to be happy… We just think… you’re not really happy here, are you?”
It is the first time he has ever been asked something like that. And for the first time ever, Haruki realizes… he is not happy… He is lonely. He wants to have friends… to be normal… why can he not be normal here? Is this not where he is supposed to belong? With his Dad and his Papa and Nee-chan and… The dam breaks again; silent, hot tears spilling over his face. Dad looks at him, brows furrowed. He has never seen him so sad before.
I’m scared Dad…
Dad presses him closer. “It’s okay… it’s okay…” He holds him close for a long time. “We’ll figure something out… don’t worry."