Chapter Text
Quark's bar was bustling with happily paying customers, just the way he liked it. Their laughter and intermingled conversations were loud enough to provide an exciting atmosphere while remaining comfortably just below 60 decibels, aside from the occasional "Dabo!" Everything was perfect. Was.
"Brunt. F.C.A." Quark's least favorite visitor announced his arrival. The awful little man licked his fangs as he spoke.
"You again." Quark groaned. "What do you want from me?"
"Weeelll. I was just informed that you haven't paid your property taxes to Ferenginar on this bar since it opened."
"That's because the property isn't ON Ferenginar. We're on a floating heap of metal floating in space, so I don't need to play planetary taxes."
"It's a recent law," Brunt drawled. "But it affects any Ferengi business outside of the homeworld, paid Five Percent of earnings per the month, for however long it's been in business." He looked at Quark from underneath his horrible eyelashes. "Do you understand me?"
Quark scoffed. "My bar has been open well over ten years! That'd be a few hundred bars of latinum... I don't have that kind of money!"
"Seven hundred, to be exact. You're going to have to find the latinum somewhere, Quark. Or do you want me to confiscate your assets again? Your business license? And to think you just got it back..." Brunt threatened.
"Fine! I'll get you your dirty latinum. Just go home, live in my closet again, and stop bothering me."
Brunt walked backwards out the door, making sure to stare Quark down the whole way. "I'm watching you, Quark! You have one month to pay your dues!" He shrieked when he bumped into the chief of security, then sprinted out of sight.
Quark breathed a sigh of relief. He couldn't help but give Odo a big, pointy smile. He never knew if it was a cynical expression of distrust, or quite the opposite.
"Odo! Thank the exchequer you're here... I'm really in trouble this time."
Odo harrumphed and sat down at his favorite bar stool, the one he hated the least. "Aren't you always?"
"I'm serious! That little shrew is going to take my bar again if I don't get him a ton of money that I don't even have, for a new law. Business taxes." Quark held his head in his hands. "I'm ruined."
"I hope you aren't thinking of acquiring this wealth dishonestly," Odo leaned onto the counter, as sarcastic as he could muster. "Such as lying, stealing..."
Quark tried to sound shocked.
"Me? Dishonest? I wouldn't dream of it."
"There are easier ways to get around this, you know. Find a loophole somewhere."
"Now that you mention it... Certain establishments don't have to pay their taxes..." Quark thought for a few seconds.
"I've got it! I should convert the bar into a place of worship for the prophets."
"That's the worst idea I've ever heard."
Quark glared at him.
"What's your ingenious plan, then?"
"You could get married." Odo suggested in a matter-of-fact kind of way. "Then you'll only have to pay about half of your personal taxes. Take it out of that budget instead."
"That's not bad, actually... The problem is Brunt would have to believe it, or he'd kill me."
"You already pretended to marry someone once, with Grilka. And if I recall, you said they believed you then."
"Sure, but it's one thing when a huge Klingon woman kidnaps you. I don't exactly have a lot of candidates on the station."
"Hmm. I did it too, once. To Lwaxana, you were there. I was convincing enough, it wasn't difficult."
"Well. Seeing as how we're both experienced."
Quark leered at him with a sinister look in his eyes, scheming something fierce. He grabbed both of Odo's hands in his own.
"Will you marry me, Odo?"
Odo grunted and just looked at him for a few seconds. Any other time, he would be trying to actively foil Quark's devious plans. But, in this situation, there was really no harm done, it was a victimless crime - now that he thought about it, it wasn't really a crime at all, and like he said, they both had gotten married before under different circumstances. Not only that, but it was his idea in the first place, although he certainly didn't think he would be who Quark would choose. It almost made him feel special.
"...Huh. Alright."