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Yuuri smelt the blini one last time, tasted it and decided that it couldn’t get any better than it was in that moment. It was, by no means, perfect, but that was just how close he could get to perfection with all the stress hovering in his mind.
You see, Victor hadn’t come out of their bedroom for one whole day. In addition to that, the Russian had also decided to skip practice that day and stay home. When Yuuri asked if he would like his company he violently shook his head. And it wasn’t the petulant no; it was a more hurtful no. Victor was actively trying to put space between them. Yuuri knew his fiancé wasn’t sick - being with your lover for a good two years gives you the ability to know their behavior or how they would react to situations. It was something else.
There was just something unsettlingly odd.
Yuuri kissed him goodbye and Victor unenthusiastically participated in it. It was like his coach wanted him to go away. But Yuuri wasn’t fazed by that. Victor always understood when Yuuri needed space or when his inner demons were eating him up; he always met him halfway. So if Victor needed time, he would gladly give him the leisure.
But it felt odd that Victor wasn’t there to touch him at the most inappropriate place in the most formal settings of the rink. It felt odd that he wasn’t whispering some over the top flirts in Yuuri’s ear and laughing at him because he couldn't hide his blush.
So he decided that since Victor wasn’t there to brighten up his day, he would spark some joy in Victor’s day.
He called Victor during their lunch break, excitedly talking about his day - how many times he fell, which spin he did the best and which needed more polish, Yuri’s tantrum, Mila’s weightlifting, Georgi’s theatrics, Yakov’s failed attempt to make them behave - all of it. But he was only met with steely and short answers of acknowledgement. Yuuri drank it all down because he couldn’t deter his spirits; not when Victor clearly needed him. He squeezed his eyes shut and inhaled the cold air. When I go home, Victor is going to give me a bone-crushing hug and tell me how much he missed me.
Except it didn’t happen as planned. Victor didn’t come running to him. He didn’t kiss every inch of Yuuri’s face and tell him how much he loved him. Instead, the Japanese man was greeted by a cold apartment. No, Victor hadn’t abandoned their place - in fact, he was sitting on the couch and mindlessly flicking through the channels. Yuuri mustered up a smile and kissed his lover meaningfully on his lips.
It killed Yuuri to see that forlorn expression on the Russian’s face. Those blue eyes pierced through his body and into his soul as if searching for an answer. Victor's entire body was limp as if he never knew how to walk. His soft silver locks were messed as if they weren’t the most gorgeous hair that Yuuri had ever seen. It was heartbreaking. Yuuri wanted to know what was going on in Victor’s head but every time he asked, the question was dodged.
“Do you want to walk with me and Makka?” Yuuri asked.
Victor just shook his head, curled himself in even further and continued scrolling through his phone. Yuuri sighed and took the dog’s leash in his hand. She seemed reluctant to leave her master but Victor nudged her lightly and she followed Yuuri out of the apartment.
“Do you know what is happening to him, Makka?” Yuuri asked her as he sat down to take a break from their run. Makka whined as if asking him the same question. She placed her head on his knee while he petted her head softly.
“Don’t worry, we won’t let him be sad for long.” Makka barked enthusiastically.
On his way back, Yuuri bought some roses for his fiancé, worrying his lip in anticipation.
When he reached home, he found that Victor was perched on their bed with a book in his hands. Yuuri brightly presented the flowers to his lover. Victor gave a small smile and accepted the gift but said nothing about it.
“Vitya,” he started in a low and gentle voice, “are you okay?” He tangled his hand in the older male’s hair and the latter leaned into it.
Victor responded with yet another half-hearted smile and nodded his head.
Yuuri tried again. “You haven’t walked out of our home the entire day.”
The Russian shut his book and slid under the covers. “I am aware.”
Yuuri sighed. “Did you eat something?” Victor replied with a non-committal hum and closed his eyes. The Japanese man then proceeded to walk out of their room and from the corner of his eye, he could see his fiancé cuddle with the roses that had been gifted to him.
And so, Yuuri searched for an easy recipe for blini that he was sure he wouldn’t be able to fuck up. Which brought him to the present moment.
He served the Russian delicacy artfully on two plates hoping direly that it would do some good to lift his lover’s spirits. His hands were shaking as he placed the plates on a tray and walked to their room. His breath became ragged when he ghosted his hand above Victor to wake him up.
Now is not the time for a panic attack. He chastised himself. You have to do this. Please, for Vitya.
He exchanged a few grounding breaths and knelt by the bed. He pulled the covers down to view his lover’s face. He carded a hand through those silky lofts and pressed a chaste kiss on his lips.
“Vitya, I made blini for us. Get up.” Upon rubbing his thumb through the older male’s cheek, he found it to be sticky with tears. What was going on in his head?
Victor took a few moments to process the statement and groaned. “I am not hungry, Yuuri.” He rasped. Yuuri never knew that a lack of an endearment from his fiancé would sting so much. Victor pushed himself to a sitting position and eyed the plate. Yuuri held his breath for the judgement. “I’m sorry Yuuri, I’m just not hungry.” Victor said, dropping his gaze to the duvet.
Yuuri couldn’t hold the calm and composed facade anymore. “Vitya, what’s wrong?” He took Victor’s hands in his and softly brushed his knuckles with his thumb. “Please, Victor. Tell me.”
Victor hesitantly took his hands out of Yuuri’s grasp and turned away. “Like I said, Yuuri, I’m fine.”
“Did I do something? Please tell me!”
Victor turned his head with a red alert in his eyes. “No!… I - No!” He excused himself to go to the bathroom. Yuuri finally let the tears spill from his eyes. What was he doing wrong? He eyed the blini and was pretty sure it might have gone cold by now. He rubbed off his tears and took the tray with him to the kitchen.
Yuuri had plans to eat their dinner together but now, he had lost his appetite. He put the dishes in the fridge and occupied the couch. He didn’t have a pillow or a blanket with him but he decided against going to their bedroom again. He scrolled through his feeds and spared one last glance to their bedroom. The door remained closed. He sighed and urged himself to sleep.
***
Yuuri woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of soft sniffs. He stirred to find a blanket draped on his body and pillow below his head. Makkachin was sleeping beside his legs - which only meant that Victor had gotten up. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and sat up. He blinked a few times to adjust to darkness.
From the couch, he could see Victor sitting on one of the stools beside the kitchen aisle. He got up and quietly walked towards the scene to investigate further.
Victor was wearing one of Yuuri's over sized hoodies. In front of him was the dinner Yuuri had made for them. He had eaten a quarter of it. He was desperately trying to stifle his sniffs.
Yuuri’s heart clenched at the sight. He wrapped his arms around Victor and stopped to kiss his shoulder blade. “Don’t suffer alone, Vitenka. Let me help.”
Victor responded by crying harder. He turned to Yuuri and buried his head in his lover’s abdomen. A wet patch was beginning to form on Yuuri’s tee. He kept brushing his hair and neck, patiently waiting for Victor to calm down. They were in no hurry; he would wait the entire night if he had to.
When Victor finally slowed down his tears, he pushed his face away to kiss Yuuri’s belly - where he had cried. Yuuri allowed himself a small smile.
“I’m sorry solnyshko, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Yuuri sighed and kissed Victor’s hair. “It’s okay, Vityusha. Will you tell me what’s wrong?” He perched himself on an adjacent stool.
Victor finally gave in. “Worlds is going to be my last performance. I will retire after that.”
Yuuri rubbed his lover’s knuckles with his thumbs. They had talked about this. No matter how much they tried to ignore it, age did play an important role in the sport. Victor put up a brave face to accept the situation but it was only obvious to feel remorse towards the rink that gave him everything. The younger man knew that when the facade would fall, a fully brewed storm would be released, and that was exactly what happened.
No matter how many times Yuuri had gone over this situation in his head, he never seemed to have a convincing consolation for the eventual breakdown. So, just held Victor’s hands, urging him to let it all out.
“When I was younger, and very new to all of this, I was always scared that someone will come and replace me.” A wistful smile found its way on the Russian’s lips. “I would hard, blood and sweat, to maintain my position. That was until I figured out that to capture the audience, I just had to surprise them. So I did it every year till it stopped surprising me. It just all felt monotonous and I slowly started losing my purpose and passion for skating.”
He looked up at Yuuri with a gleam in his eyes. “That was until I met you in Sochi.”
Yuuri bashfully shook his head and turned his attention to their twined hands. “How does every conversation shift to that topic?” If he could, Yuuri would make everyone forget about that night. But the way Victor talked about it, adding something new every time he reminisced the situation, like that night was truly magical, Yuuri had to gulp down his embarrassment.
Victor chuckled and Yuuri reveled in that sensation. “That’s because it’s the most groundbreaking night of my life, zoloste.” He turned the hands so that it was Victor who was holding Yuuri’s hands. “For years I was, The Living Legend and whatnot. But then you came around, threw all those titles in trash, pulled me by my tie and dared me to dance. That night, I was just Victor. Nothing more, nothing less.” The Russian kissed his student’s knuckles and latter felt a blush bloom on his cheeks. No matter how many years they have lived together, Victor’s kisses always felt like cherry blossoms.
The silver haired sighed and just like that, the atmosphere changed. “Everything about us has always been connected to the ice. So, maybe, I don’t want to say goodbye to the rink that gave me my love.” Victor put his head down, not wanting to maintain his eye contact with Yuuri.
Does he… Does he seriously think…
Yuuri pushed the stool aside so he could comfortably kneel in front of Victor. He took his lover’s face in his hands, gently tipping it so that chocolate brown orbs could meet the cerulean blue abyss. “Vitya, do you really think I would love you any less once you retire?” His voice was way too soft for a chastise. With a hint of mischief, he added: “Is my love for you so weak?”
Victor snorted and brought his hand up to caress the other’s. He leaned down and touched their foreheads. “But Yuuri, you started loving me because of my skating.”
“No, Vitenka, I loved you because you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. And that had nothing to do with ice. Okay, maybe it had little to do with ice." Victor snorted "But your grace, your aura, your charms, your… everything is what really attracted me. I loved what you did more than where you did it. I love you and everything that comes along with it.” He rubbed his thumb over Victor’s cheekbones, which were dusted pink, to gain some semblance over his passionate speech for his lover. “Vitya, I hate that you have to do this. But your injuries are showing up again, and it will only get worse.”
Victor shut his eyes and let those tears fall. Yuuri gently rubbed them away, kissing his eyelids. The Japanese man could see the gears spinning in his partner’s mind. He really despised the fact that after a certain age, their bodies stopped being capable of performing the sport. He hated that the injuries that Victor’s legs had endured only reduced the already short time. But Yakov was right. He better end his legacy while he was still capable rather than letting it decay slowly.
Yuuri met Victor’s lips with a chaste kiss. “This will be a new phase for both of us and I would love to live it with you, Vitya.”
“Me too, lyubov moya.” The Russian said pulling his lover into a passionate but not sensual kiss. They parted so he could stare into those lovely brown eyes and kissed him again, sweeter this time. Yuuri pecked his nose and he chuckled.
“Now, if we’re done here, my knees are aching.”
“That’s not what you said-”
“No.”
Another giggle. “Okay.”
Yuuri stood up to switch off the lights while Victor put the blini back in the fridge, eyeing the delicacy with regret. “What do you think about eating blini for breakfast?”
“Sounds good to me.” He replied even though he was not sure if the dish would be able to retain its taste.
Victor proceeded to walk towards their bedroom. But Yuuri was feeling generous. So, he swept his fiancé off his feet. Victor yelped. “Ah - Yuuri!” They could have stayed together for years, but lifting him up always caught him off guard. Even in the faint moonlight, the Japanese could sense his lover’s face reddening.
Yuuri loved the response to his action. “Aw, Vitya, are you blushing?” He teased. Victor proceeded to hide his face behind his hands making Yuuri laugh.
Victor landed on their bed with a soft bounce. Yuuri kneeled on the bed, beside him and asked: “Uh Vitya, if you want me to go outside… I’m fine with it. I-”
“No! Lyubov moya - zoloste - zvedamoya - solnyshko - I’m so sorry for being a dick with you.” He paused after each endearment to scatter kisses around Yuuri’s face making him laugh. Yuuri put the roses, that were still on their bed, on the nightstand so that he could lay beside Victor. The Russian pulled the duvet over both of them and shared his pillow, not allowing his partner a chance to go outside. “How do I make it up to you?”
Yuuri propped himself on his elbow. “Hmm…” He tapped his chin, pretending to think. “Maybe my coach could let me practice my jumps instead of step sequence.”
“Not happening.” Victor deadpanned.
“Worth a try.” Yuuri sighed and sunk into the bed. Victor automatically wrapped his hand around the smaller man’s torso.
“How about I make katsudon for you?”
“I don’t trust you enough to cook anything alone.”
“Yuuri, how dare you!” Victor pouted and Yuuri kissed it, making the taller man smile.
"Okay. Take me out, then."
"Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know, Vitya. Surprise me." Victor knew that those words were specifically chosen to give him his much needed adrenaline rush.
"Done. It's a date." The Russian said kissing his lover's cheek.
After a few shared breaths of tranquil and comfort, Yuuri said: “So Victor, your last competition at Worlds, do you think you can win it?” He smirked as his coach slid his hand lower to the small of his back and pulled him closer.
An amused grin was plastered on his features as Victor replied, “Is my fiancé challenging me?”
“Maybe. I’m just saying that my coach is damn good.”
“Is he now?”
“Hmm.”
“What happens if I win?”
“Well then, I’ll treat you with anything you want.”
“Anything?”
Yuuri’s heart beat loudly as he held his lips millimeters away from Victor’s. “Anything.” As Victor came closer, Yuuri dodged his lips, pulled Victor’s hood above his eyes and pecked the Russian’s cheek, much to his dismay.
“Yuuri!”
“Good night.” Yuuri only laughed as he turned away. Victor pulled him closer, till the younger male’s back was colliding with his chest.
"Yuuri?”
“Hmm?”
“I’m going to fuck you in the changing room tomorrow.” Victor fanned his breath over Yuuri’s ear making the latter shiver. “And also I love you.” He stated matter-of-factly.
Yuuri only smacked Victor’s chest while the latter laughed. The younger man eventually gave up on his anger and allowed himself to revel the blooming laughter of his lover. After all, there's nothing Yuuri wouldn't do to hear that melodious sound.