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“. . . And this is The Newlywed Game!”
Curt plastered on a false smile, holding Owen’s hand tightly beside him as the live studio audience cheered around them. When they’d first gotten engaged, Tatiana had encouraged them to apply for the popular gameshow as a fun way to ‘test’ how well they knew each other- plus the $100,000 grand prize didn’t hurt.
Owen looked at him and gave Curt an encouraging smile and wink. “We’ve got this, love,” He whispered. “I know you like the back of my hand.”
Curt smiled back at him before his attention was pulled away by the host- Curt believed his name to be Brian- calling on them. “From Los Angeles, it’s Curt and Owen!”
It took Curt a moment to register that he and Owen were supposed to say something- introduce themselves, perhaps make a funny joke- but luckily Owen saved him.
“It’s lovely to be here,” Owen said smoothly, charmingly. “I’m Owen, I’m the brains, and my partner Curt here is the beauty. But you can see that already.”
There was laughter around them, and Curt let out an indignant squawk, whacking Owen on the chest as his fiancé joined in the laughing.
Curt’s face burned in shame as Brian introduced the other two couples- people Curt honestly hadn’t paid attention to, as they were competition and therefore not worth his time- and he tuned most of what the host said unless he was being directly addressed. It was the only way he was going to survive this.
“You know how the game works; we asked one half the couples questions without their partners, and their significant other now has to answer the same question here on stage. If their answer matches their partner’s, they get a point. Whichever couple ends up with the most points wins $100,00!”
Curt took a deep breath, the large cards that he’d written the answers on leaning against his legs. Curt knew Owen was going to get most, if not all of them right. He was just worried about being embarrassed on television.
“First question! What is the thing your partner is most likely to end up in jail for?”
Owen got a sharklike grin as the spotlight shone on them for their answer. “Oh, has to be public indecency.”
It was official. Curt wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole.
Curt held up the card- which had ‘public indecency’ written on it, and sniped back at Owen, “You know if it ever happens, you’ll be right there with me.”
Owen hummed as the people around them laughed, and Brian said something in the distance about them getting a point.
Curt didn’t even pay attention to the other teams’ answers, too busy trying to stay calm- though he did note that Couple 3 got the question wrong.
“Next question: Who is most likely to deal with a spider?”
Owen nodded seriously. “Me, definitely. Last time there was a spider in our house Curt screamed like a baby and jumped on the counter. He wouldn’t come down; I had to pick him up and carry him to our room.”
Curt pouted, blushing as he held up a sign that said ‘Owen’. “I don’t like anything that has more than four legs.”
Owen leaned over and pecked his cheek, rubbing a hand up and down his thigh affectionately. “I know you don’t, love.”
Curt really should’ve paid more attention to the other contestants, but to be fair to him, it was hard to focus on anything when he was with Owen. He wanted to just cuddle into his fiancé’s side or climb into his lap and feel his heart beat beneath his fingers.
But he couldn’t. Because they were playing a game. On TV.
And they were fucking killing it.
“What Disney character is your partner most like?”
“Simba, because he’s adorable and sometimes needs to get whacked in the head a few times to learn his lesson.”
“What is your partner’s worst habit?”
“He chews on all the pens. I have to hide my good pens so he doesn’t get teeth marks all over them.”
“What is your partner’s pet name for you?”
“What isn’t would be a better question. He’s quite fond of babe, honey, and O, but sometimes he’ll throw in a ‘baby’. I think he likes to keep me on my toes.”
“What is your partner’s favorite thing about you?”
“My hair. He loves to run his fingers through it- Curt, no, we’re in the middle of a game, keep your hands to yourself, you’re not messing my hair up while we’re on the telly-”
“What is your partner’s favorite thing about themself?”
“Curt thinks he’s hilarious.”
“Because I am hilarious,” Curt muttered to himself as he held up the card and they earned the point.
“What is your partner’s favorite movie?”
Curt’s eyes widened as he realized he was about to be exposed on television, but Owen shot him an evil grin and spoke before Curt could stop him.
“Definitely The Princess Diaries 2: The Royal Engagement. It made him believe in love and he has a huge crush on Chris Pine.”
Curt held up the sign that revealed Owen’s answer to be correct, face burning. “Everyone likes Chris Pine! He’s the best Chris!”
“Would your partner rather spend an evening in with you, or a night out with you?”
Curt already hated Owen’s answer before the words were even in his mouth.
“An evening in, for sure. All this man ever wants to do is get me in bed with him.”
“To cuddle!” Curt shouted, trying to use the card that said ‘evening in’ to hide his embarrassment.
Curt was beginning to hate Brian-the-host and his stupid face and his stupid questions. “What are you two most likely to argue about?”
“What to eat for dinner. He’s way more likely to want to order take out than I am.”
“That’s because you’ll go to the oven and say ‘love, I’m going to cook a right proper British dinner’ and put meat in a pie,” Curt sniped, holding up the card as he mocked Owen’s accent. “Meat doesn’t belong in a pie!”
They’d taken a healthy lead at this point, Owen not having gotten a single question wrong. That was good, but it was also worrying Curt. He just knew that at some point, his partner was going to deliberately sabotage an answer just to embarrass him.
“Who has the worse handwriting?”
“Him, definitely. It’s bloody chicken scratch, I swear he could’ve been a doctor if he wasn’t such a big baby when it came to blood.”
Curt tried to protest, “I’m not a baby-”
“Yes you are, love. Now hush.”
“What is your partner’s most prized possession?”
Owen got a wistful look on his face as he gazed at Curt lovingly. “We spent our third date at the carnival. I swear I spent the whole time we were there trying to impress him by winning him the biggest bear I could, but I only succeeded in getting this tiny little pink teddy. The look on Curt’s face when I gave it to him. . . That was the moment I realized I wanted to be with him forever.”
The audience ‘aww’ed, and Curt smiled as he held up the card- which had a drawing of the bear on it-, leaning over and kissing Owen. “I can’t believe you forgot to mention his name is Winston.”
Owen hummed against his lips. “My mistake. I’ll apologize to him when we get home.”
Curt reluctantly pulled away, and the game resumed.
“How does your partner like their coffee?”
“Oh, he absolutely ruins his coffee. I swear it’s more milk and sugar than coffee by the time he deems it suitable to drink.”
“What is your partner’s favorite thing that you wear?”
Oh no. Oh no no no no no, Curt did not like the look on Owen’s face-
“I believe this is a family show, so I’m sorry to say that I cannot answer this question.”
Curt nearly sank down in his seat as he held up the card that said ‘MY maroon sweatshirt that HE STEALS’. “Owen! You’re embarrassing me!”
“I thought that was the point of the game, love?” Owen said with feigned innocence, and Curt officially decided he wanted to die.
Brian-the-host was smiling awkwardly when it was the next question, probably because he was anticipating that Owen would give just as inappropriate and answer this time. “What is your least favorite thing your partner wears?”
“There’s this pair of basketball short he wears when he doesn’t want to do laundry or actually get dressed, and I absolutely despise them.”
“Who would win in a game of Monopoly?”
“We do not play Monopoly anymore after the last game ended with a trip to the hospital.”
Curt nodded seriously, holding up the card that said ‘we are a Monopoly-free household’. “I had to get seven stitches from where the knife stabbed me.”
“To be fair, you’re the one who suggested we play Knife Monopoly, love.”
“And you’re the one who agreed!”
There were only a few questions left. They still had a good lead, but Couple Two was gaining on them. Owen had to get all the rest of the questions right for them to win. Curt had faith.
“What is your partner’s favorite flavor of ice cream?”
“He says it’s vanilla, but it’s actually forbidden chocolate because it makes him feel like he’s indulging himself in something.”
“What is your partner’s biggest fear?”
“Toads. He thinks they’re warty and is afraid one is going to kiss him and turn him into a toad.”
“I just don’t like toads, okay! Is that a crime?!” Curt protested loudly, face flushed with shame.
“We’re down to the last two questions, folks! You better keep your tissues close, because these ones tend to get emotional. What is the best present your partner ever gave you?”
Owen’s hand was on Curt’s knee, and he smiled at him. “For my twenty-sixth birthday, he got us roundtrip airfare to my hometown in the UK. I hadn’t been back there since I first moved here. It was the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me.”
Curt leaned forwards and kissed Owen gently, briefly. “Only the best for my baby.”
Curt and Owen had a one point lead on Couple Two. If Owen got the last question wrong- which, Curt prayed to God he wouldn’t- then it would be all over. Unless Couple Two also got it wrong, but Curt doubted it.
“Final question! It all comes down to this. Contestants: Who would your partner say is the better catch?”
Owen was gazing at Curt lovingly, it made Curt tingle inside. “He’d say I am. He’d be wrong, but it’s what he would say.”
“It’s because you are the better catch, O,” Curt said softly, holding up the card. “You can do so much better than me.”
Owen leaned forward and gave him another kiss- longer, this time, since the game was over. “I really couldn’t.”