Chapter Text
Daisuke wasn't certain of how he wound up in a poorly lit bar, sitting in an uncomfortable booth with his coworkers and sipping cheap whiskey.
It definitely didn't have anything to do with Kamei shouting a general invitation for drinks throughout the office and practically manhandling Katou into joining him.
That hadn't been a factor at all.
Regardless of how he ended up here, with Kamei and Katou chugging cheap beer in an attempt to outdrink each other, and Yumoto sulking over yet another lost bet, Daisuke wasn't complaining. It was difficult to be unhappy when Katou’s face was flushed pink, the color deepening when he scowled at Kamei.
Kamei, on his part, seemed to be holding his liquor well. At any rate, he didn't slur his words when he looked across to Daisuke, saying, "Hey Kambe! How many more rounds before Katou taps out?"
Daisuke blinked. "I'm not sure. I haven't been paying attention."
Kamei rolled his eyes. "We're four rounds in, and Katou hasn't passed out yet! So, whaddya say?"
"Are we making bets?" Yumoto piped up.
"Depends on how you bet."
Yumoto sized up Kamei and Katou across the table. "A hundred yen on Haru tapping out after round five, and not because he wants to."
"You're betting against me?" Haru's indignant tone might have been funnier to Daisuke had his expression not resembled that of a kicked puppy.
Kamei and Yumoto, on the other hand, howled with laughter. "Okay," Kamei said around a chuckle, "will you pay up if Yumoto's right?"
Katou nodded, and turned to order another round, much to the amusement of his coworkers.
Daisuke could only observe, feeling more than a little out of the loop. Either he had crossed the line into buzzed territory, or he just didn't understand working class humor.
The beers arrived. Katou and Kamei grabbed one each, locked eyes, and began chugging. Daisuke's gaze drifted to the bobbing of Haru’s throat, and he swallowed hard. He really needed to stop drinking, or else he'd start spouting nonsense.
Katou slammed his beer down, a disappointed pout on his lips. "I didn't finish," he announced sadly.
Kamei finished off his own beer, crowing with glee as he slammed the empty can on the table.
"Pay up!" Yumoto thrust his hand towards Haru, far too excited about a measly hundred yen.
Katou fished around in his wallet, depositing the coin in Yumoto's hand with a sad sigh. "You guys are unbelievable."
"You're the one who agreed to it in the first place!" Kamei chortled. "You'd think he'd have learned by now," he said in an attempt to include Daisuke in the conversation.
Daisuke furrowed his brow. With one hand curled around whatever was left of his beer, and his face so sad looking, not to mention flushed, Katou reminded Daisuke of the time he'd slept over at his partner’s apartment. He remembered Katou getting emotional over a bad detective film for no apparent reason. Then again, he could be wrong, since he'd also gotten wasted that night.
Daisuke gestured at Katou. "Is he always like this? When he drinks?"
Yumoto snorted, but Kamei adopted a serious air about him. "What do you mean, Kambe?"
"The last time I saw Katou drink, he also acted as if he was sad." Daisuke cringed internally at his stilted speech pattern, cursing the cheap whiskey he kept sipping at.
"Oh, Kambe." Kamei shook his head slowly. "You've only seen one side of Drunk Katou."
Daisuke struggled to process Kamei's words. "Drunk...Katou?"
"Yeah, you see," Kamei sat up as straight as he could, "there are several ways to figure out which Drunk Katou you'll be dealing with on any given night. One," Kamei held a finger up. "His emotional state before he starts drinking usually mirror how he'll end up that night. Case in point, Katou failed to find the missing bike that was called in earlier, and here we are."
"I let that kid down," Katou said with a sniffle. Daisuke found it difficult to listen to Kamei when Katou’s bottom lip jutted out in such a cute way.
"Second, what he's drinking. Sochu or sake make him sad or sleepy, but anything like tequila or vodka gives you one of the happy Drunk Katous. Beer goes either way, obviously. Third, who he's drinking with. If it's just us, he'll act as drunk as he wants, but if he's getting drinks with a superior..." Kamei's expression slipped into total seriousness for a moment before smiling once again. "I'm not kidding! He'll pass out in front of Kiyomizu willingly before he acts like he's intoxicated. And finally," Kamei paused for effect. "How much he's had to drink, of course!" Kamei lost himself to giggles when Katou gave him a miserable look.
Daisuke, on the other hand, made several mental notes to ensure that he'd remember everything Kamei had just spewed. "So, which Katou is this?"
"You're looking at a sad drunk Katou," Kamei draped an arm around Katou's shoulders, and Katou leaned against his coworker. A hand pet Katou's hair, and Daisuke couldn't stop jealousy from pooling in his gut. He frowned, eyes boring holes into Kamei's hand.
It took him a while to realize that Kamei was observing him, an unreadable expression on his face. Not suspicion, not concern...perhaps analytical? Daisuke frowned, taking another sip of his whiskey. He'd have to examine the security footage at a later time, when he was sober and could properly identify Kamei's expression.
"Hey, Kambe." Kamei leaned over the table as best as he could manage with his friend's weight on his shoulder. "If you want Katou to perk up again and go back to normal, all you have to do is compliment him. Trust me, it's like magic."
"I have to tell him something?"
Kamei nodded. "Yeah, it'll be more effective, coming from you."
Daisuke grunted an affirmative. "Katou," he said, drawing Katou's attention away from the hand in his hair. "You're a good detective."
Katou's eyes widened, and for a moment Daisuke thought that it had worked.
Then, the tears started falling.
Daisuke only stared in shock as Katou shook silently.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's going on, Katou?" Kamei poked at Katou's shoulder until he faced him.
"It—it's so hard being good!" Katou wailed, finally crumpling to rest his head on his arms as he cried.
Kamei immediately began rubbing soothing circles onto Katou's back.
"Did I say something wrong?" he asked.
Kamei shook his head. "No, this isn't your fault. I didn't think—" he sighed. "You see, nine out of ten times, this works, and Katou's back to being normal. The other time, he gets like this," Kamei gestured to Katou with his free hand.
"I see," Daisuke said, even though he didn't really understand how a compliment of all things could reduce Katou to a blubbering mess.
Kamei, for his part, was taking care of Katou like he'd been doing it for his entire life. At the moment, he was leaning down to Katou, murmuring "There there, you're a good detective."
Daisuke wondered if he'd ever had to do this before.
After a few minutes of gentle coaxing, Katou sat up. Even though he had stopped crying, he still looked awful. His eyes were dazed and rimmed with red, accentuating the ever-present flush on his face. He sniffled, scrubbing at his eyes with the cuff of his jacket, and Daisuke thought his heart might pound out of his chest.
"Should we call him a cab?"
Kamei brightened up. "Yes, great idea! You should definitely get him a cab. I'm getting more to drink."
Daisuke nodded, asking HEUSC to hail a cab. Hardly five minutes passed before the AI informed him that the cab was waiting, just outside. Daisuke relayed the information to Kamei.
"Perfect!" Kamei had the beginnings of a blush on his face after downing another beer. "Here, you take him out!" He unceremoniously shoved Katou out of the booth, and it was all Daisuke could do to get up and steady his partner.
Katou leaned into Daisuke's side heavily, and Daisuke could feel how warm he was, even through the layers of clothes both men wore. He could smell something on Katou, maybe cologne, or shampoo, or something else that was wonderfully unique to Katou. Whatever it was, it smelled good.
He allows Katou to wave goodbye to Kamei and Yumoto, then guides him to the exit. Getting Katou into the waiting cab is easier than Daisuke anticipated. He was used to Katou fighting him on everything, especially when it came to things Daisuke told him to do. But right now, in his less than sober state, Katou allows Daisuke to maneuver him into the back set of the cab. He leans forward, giving the driver Katou's address and handing him a wad of cash. "Make sure he doesn't fall down the stairs to his apartment."
The driver just stared at the bills in his hand. "Whatever you say, sir."
Daisuke nodded, then stepped out of the cab, making to close the door. Before it could shut, Katou's hand shot out, pushing it open again. "Kambe," he slurred, "thank you for, for being so nice." Katou slumped back against his seat, his head resting on the head rest at an awkward angle.
Oh.
Either he drank far more than he realized, or Katou's words actually gave him an aneurysm. The only thing buzzing through his mind was Katou's voice, repeating that sentence over and over. But now was not the time for his brain to short circuit.
Daisuke bowed his head in acknowledgement of Katou. "Goodnight, Katou." His partner made no move to stop him from closing the door this time, for which Daisuke was grateful. He walked away from the cab as quickly as he could, given his state of intoxication. The only thing on his mind beside the sound of the cab pulling away was getting back into the bar, to sit down in that uncomfortable booth once again, and discuss scheduling another night of after-work drinking with Kamei.
Daisuke wanted to better acquaint himself with the other versions of "Drunk Katou," preferably sooner rather than later.