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It was a Sunday morning sometime in October, and, predictably, Bill and Ted were sat elbow to elbow on Bill’s bed, enjoying some comics and Van Halen. This hang out, like many of their hangouts, wasn’t planned, per se. Ted had simply appeared at Bill’s door and Missy had immediately sent him up to Bill’s room. Ted didn’t have to explain the most egregious fight with his dad that morning, he just had to give Bill a Look. That was all it took to get Bill to hop out of bed and put on one of Ted’s comfort albums before handing him a comic in comfortable silence.
The two boys had read their way through an entire album, but neither moved to put on something new. Bill had been watching his friend out of the corner of his eye; the way he was clenching his jaw, looking high strung and tense, a far cry from the normal goofy laid back appearance he usually had. This was most perplexing. Ted usually always perked up when he got to hang out with Bill. It was extremely rare that he ever saw his friend this distressed.
This line of thought prompted Bill to ask, “Are you okay, dude?”
Ted let out a long sigh, putting the comic down on his lap. After a moment, he said, “I’m not sure, dude.”
Bill nodded and put down his comic as well. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
Ted paused for a long while after that and had Bill not known him better, he’d think the subject was dropped. But Ted had his Thinking Face on, and that meant he was crafting his words very carefully. Bill watched his friend fiddle with the edges of the book, staring down at it as he formed his words.
Finally, Ted spoke again. “Bill, do you ever feel like you might not be a dude?”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s hard to explain. It’s been causing me the most non-non-heinous of dilemmas.”
Bill nodded. “Try explaining it to me. Maybe saying it out loud will make it less non-non-heinous.”
Ted paused again to collect his thoughts. “So, you know how there’s dudes, and then there’s babes?” Bill nodded. “I’ve been thinking a lot about it. The fight me and my dad had, you know, it’s been the same one for a while. He keeps going on about my hair, saying it makes me look like a chick and I need to cut it and whatnot.”
“Bogus.”
“I know! Anyway, that got me thinking, I don’t hate the idea of looking like a chick, which got me thinking what if I’m not a dude, ya know? So I thought about being a babe, but that didn’t seem right either. And now I’m in this most bogus spot of feeling not like a dude and not like a babe.”
Bill let the words settle in. “So, you aren’t a dude, and you aren’t a babe?”
Ted nodded. Bill scrunched up his eyebrows, thinking. This worried Ted, just a little bit. He wasn’t even sure if what he was was a thing, let alone how his best friend and definitely-not-crush would react.
“Ted, my friend, I think I’ve figured it out.” Bill said, grinning. “You’re a bude!”
“What’s a bude?”
“Half babe, half dude!”
“Bude,” Ted repeated, letting the word swim around his head for a minute. “As accurate as the description is, I must say, my friend, it doesn’t have the greatest mouthfeel.”
Bill nodded. “That’s a most valid position to have.”
“I think, for now, I’m okay with being called dude.” Ted said, before adding on, “But I’m still not a dude.”
“Excellent!”
They both let go of their comics to air guitar at the discovery of Ted’s newfound status as not quite a dude not quite a babe. Then Ted hopped up to change the music, and the topic was dropped for the rest of the day.
___________________
The topic of Ted’s gender didn’t come up again for a while after that. Between trying to write a universe uniting song and surviving senior year, they’d had their hands full. Despite having done a most excellent job on their history project, their overall grades were about the same, and the threat of military school never did escape Ted. So most weekend hangouts were unfortunately academia based. Which is why Ted was surprised to get a call from Bill Friday night, telling Ted to ditch the books for a weekend so they could just hang out.
Ted showed up at Bill’s at around noon, having spent the earlier part of the morning eating overly sweet cereal and watching cartoons with Deacon. Bill was opening the front door before Ted even had a chance to knock, a huge grin on his face. They greeted each other with a customary air guitar before Bill all but ran up to his room, insisting Ted follow, and that he had a surprise. Ted, never one to turn down a surprise, followed close behind Bill.
When they got to Bill’s room, Bill seemed to lose a little confidence, tugging at a corner of his cropped t-shirt. He flashed Ted a smile before digging through his closet, producing a bag with a Macy’s logo on it. He held it out to Ted.
Ted raised a skeptical eyebrow. Macy’s was highbrow and way outside of their price range, (well, Ted’s anyway), so Ted was most intrigued. Reaching into the bag, Ted felt something weirdly soft. As Ted pulled it out, Bill began to talk.
“I’m not sure if you’ll like it. I got it when we took the princesses to the mall the other week, or, well, Joanna got it and it didn’t fit and I said I’d take it, and if you don’t like it you totally don’t have to keep it, I still have the receipt, and-”
Bill kept rambling nervously as Ted looked at the garment. It was a dress; simple, flowy and white, with some lace at the collar. It looked incredibly comfortable.
“This is for me?” Ted asked, finally snapping Bill out of his nervous ramblings.
“Only if you want it.” Bill said with a shrug.
Ted nodded, eyes not leaving the dress. “Can I try it on?”
“Of course, dude!” Bill said, nodding. Ted stared at him for a moment before Bill caught on. “Oh, right! Lemme just-” he turned around, sitting on his bed and awkwardly reaching for a nearby book. (It was, of course, completely ignored by Bill, who was focusing more on praying Ted didn’t notice how red his face was getting, especially as he heard his friend begin to change behind him.)
Bill kept his eyes firmly on his book until he heard Ted let out a soft, “Woah.”
Bill turned to find Ted staring at himself in the mirror in the corner of Bill’s room, swinging the dress around his legs. Ted was smiling into the mirror. The dress fit well; it was snug but not too tight around his chest, the lace across the collar accentuating the hint of collarbone peeking out. The dress tapered into a skirt at Ted’s waist, flowing down to just above the ankles (or, at least that’s where it would’ve hit if Ted hadn’t hit a growth spurt. The dress actually stopped about midway down Ted’s calves.) Ted did a little spin, laughing at the feeling of the dress spinning along, stopping to face Bill. Ted’s cheeks were dusted with color and was grinning something fierce. Butterflies were making a home in Ted’s stomach, partially from the dress, and partially from what the dress meant.
Bill felt himself smile as he took in the sight in front of him. Ted looked, well, “Dude, you look pretty!”
Ted laughed, spinning again. “I feel pretty, dude!” Ted moved to shove his hands in his pockets, only to find there weren’t any. “The only thing that would make this better is if it had pockets.”
“I could probably give it some.” Bill said with a shrug. “I took home ec that one year, they taught me how to sew a bit.”
Ted’s grin got even wider. “Excellent!” They said in unison, sharing a quick air guitar. The two stared at each other, Ted biting his lip to keep himself from grinning too widely, swinging the dress around idly.
“Dude, I kinda really wanna hug you right now.” Ted said. Bill stood from his spot on the bed, holding out his arms. Ted wasted no time in walking over to his friend, arms quickly making their way around his shoulders. Bill hugged back quickly, but neither moved to let go. They never hugged this long (unless you count mornings where one woke up to find the other had started spooning them in the middle of the night), but, well, it felt nice.
“Isn’t this kinda gay?” Bill finally asked, but didn’t let go.
Ted hummed, contemplating Bill’s words. Ted’s chin was resting on the top of Bill’s head, so Bill felt the hum go through him. “Is it? I mean, since I’m not a dude and whatnot.”
Bill nodded, accidentally making Ted’s jaw clack in the process. “Ted, can I say something?”
“Of course, Bill.”
Bill took a breath before saying, “Even if you were, you know, still a dude, I don’t think I’d mind. If this was kinda gay.”
Ted pulled Bill a little closer. “I don’t think I’d mind, either.”
“Ted?”
“Bill?”
“I kinda really wanna kiss you, dude.” Bill said, pulling back enough to look at his friend.
“Excellent.” Ted murmured before closing the distance between them.
The two did the most subtle of air guitars against each other’s backs. It was, as they would say, excellent.