Archive of Our Own ^beta

1) Early September 2003

It was a warm, sunny day and four-year-old Isak Valtersen was sitting on a garden blanket, fully focused on the giant jigsaw puzzle in front of him. His mum Marianne and older sister Lea had just gone back into the house to prepare something for a quick afternoon snack. As usual, they had left the door opened, so that they could check on Isak regularly. Not that there had ever been the need to. Isak was a calm child. Clever, curious, always eager to discover new things everywhere around him but still a very calm one. Calmer than most children of his age.

Barely noticing that he was left alone in the garden, Isak kept selecting piece after piece of his puzzle with a look of intense concentration on his face until the entire picture was completed. Isak smiled fondly at it when he recognised the design that had just emerged. He was looking at a cartoon of a brown tabby cat with bright blue eyes and a large smile. Isak traced the contours of the cat’s body with his tiny fingers absent-mindedly – its round head, two ears, red nose, white whiskers, four paws and striped tail. He couldn’t stop thinking about how wonderful it would be to see a real cat with his own eyes and to be able to touch its soft fur. And ideally to cuddle it as well because to little Isak, cats of all shapes and sizes seemed extremely cuddle-worthy. His favourite plush toy, a 25” tuxedo cat called Sebastian that Isak had got from granny Mathilde for his 3rd birthday, was a fine example of that.

Lost in his own thoughts, Isak jumped a little when he heard a quiet rustle of the grass somewhere by the fence. He turned as slowly and silently as possible towards the noise and waited for the unexpected visitor to show itself. And indeed, after a little more rustling something quite large, ginger and furry appeared from under the fence and started to walk across the garden carefully and almost noiselessly. Something that looked very much like... A CAT!

Isak couldn’t believe his eyes. His mouth fell open in both shock and excitement. There was a cat in their garden! A real cat! Only about five metres away from him!

Sensing that there was someone else in her close surroundings, the cat stopped abruptly, turned her head and looked right at Isak – her large green eyes locking with his almost instantly. Her ears stood straight up in apprehension and curiosity but her overall posture wasn’t aggressive or fearful. Her slowly flicking tail still indicated mild anxiety and alertness though.

The time stopped, neither of the two dared to move. Isak was barely breathing, afraid to break this magical and incredibly fragile moment by any reckless move or sound. He kept staring at the cat in pure admiration and adoration. He couldn’t help but think that he had never seen a more beautiful creature in his life.

Feeling a sudden urge to resolve the unrelenting tension, Isak took a slow but deep breath and centimetre by centimetre he carefully stretched out his right hand towards the cat, with the palm facing up to show that he didn’t want to harm her in any way. Without breaking their eye contact he said softly, “Hei, kitty... I’m Isak... Ps-ps-ps...”

The cat seemed to contemplate Isak’s words for a moment. Then, having realised that he didn’t pose any immediate danger to her, she changed the direction in which she had been walking initially and took five or six hesitant steps closer to Isak instead. After that, she stopped again, sat down on her hind legs and tilted her head a little to one side, as if she was waiting for Isak’s next move.

Isak watched her behaviour in utter fascination. He wanted to simply run to her and take her in his arms straight away. But he knew he couldn’t do that, that it would scare her away. So he kept encouraging her with softly spoken words, hoping that they could persuade her to come a few more steps closer to him.

“Ps-ps-ps... Don’t be afraid, kitty... Come here... Ps-ps-ps...” Isak kept repeating and indeed, the cat took a few more steps towards him until she was less than a metre away from his outstretched hand.

In such a close proximity to the cat, Isak could almost count her whiskers. If he had known how, he would surely have done it. Since he hadn’t, he took a proper look at her, how her ginger fur shined in the late summer sun, how her wide eyes looked at him wisely, kindly and with a great understanding. Isak realised how comfortable and safe he felt in the cat’s company despite the fact that they had met mere minutes ago. It was a wonderful feeling, one that Isak wanted to be able to experience all the time.

He leaned forward a little and shortened the distance between his hand and the cat’s head by nearly a half. He leaned a little more and he could almost feel the silky fur under his fingertips when–

“ISAK! THE CINNAMON ROLLS ARE READY!” Lea shouted at Isak from the threshold of the open door and then disappeared back into the house.

The cat, terrified by the sudden and sharp noise, sprinted to the nearest fence, climbed over it and then she was gone. Isak put his hand back into his lap in silent defeat. Tears started to quickly roll down his pink cheeks. He tried to wipe them off with both of his hands but with very little success.

“Isak? Oh, what happened to you, darling?” asked Isak’s mum Marianne when she saw her little one crying. She kneeled next to Isak, took him into her arms and rocked him gently from side to side.

“Th– the cat. She ran... a– away,” Isak sobbed.

“A cat? Did she scratch you or something?” Marianne wanted to know.

“No!” protested Isak. “She was here and she was so beautiful and ginger and I only wanted to pet her but she ran away when Lea shouted because she was so scared and... And I don’t even know what her name was...” he told Marianne everything in one long breath.

New streams of tears ran down Isak’s cheeks and because he didn’t know what else to do, he buried his face in Marianne’s sweater and just let himself be comforted. He was so incredibly sad, so afraid he would never see any cat again.

“Don’t cry, sweetie. Maybe the kitty will come back to visit us again...” said Marianne optimistically.

Isak clung to the hope desperately and after a while his sobs slowly started to subside.

If only I could have a cat at home, he wished.

2) Mid-May 2007

The raindrops were drumming violently against the car windows, making it harder to see through them. In the driver’s seat, Marianne was humming quietly along with Roxette’s “Run to You” that was playing on the radio. In the backseat, Lea was reading Mesterdetektiven Blomkvist and Isak was simply looking outside on the streets that they were passing during their journey home from granny Mathilde’s.

He was deep in thought. His eighth birthday was rapidly approaching and that meant one very important thing. If he could believe what Lea had said to him (and he really had no reason at all to doubt her words), their mum and dad were planning to ask him if he would like to have a pet – someone to look after, a friend. They had asked Lea this question sometime before her eighth birthday, so it could be expected that they were going to do the same in his case, too.

Isak knew exactly what answer he wanted to give them. Ever since meeting Else, a beautiful ginger cat with green eyes who lived two streets away from him and who kept coming for occasional visits, his greatest desire had been to have a cat – of any size, colour or age. He absolutely loved to spend time with granny Mathilde’s black tomcat Kristian and her snow white cat Frida, he kept drawing pictures of various cats using various art techniques and at home, especially at night, he was still practically inseparable from his plushie Sebastian.

Cats were a great mystery to Isak. It fascinated him how they could approach people with cold elegance on the one hand and warmth and friendliness on the other hand. They could be both reserved and playful. Quiet, calm and patient and also loud, reckless and wild. But the thing Isak loved the most about cats was how loyal and grateful they always acted towards everyone who was able to respect their unique identities and personalities as well as their need for freedom. Cats didn’t wish to control or to be controlled – they needed an equal. That was what made them such good friends. According to Isak, many people still had an awful lot to learn from cats in this regard, especially the children from his class who kept mocking those who were different in any way.

In spite of such a clear preference pet-wise, Isak had always been rather hesitant to openly bring up the topic of getting a cat in front of his parents. He couldn’t say why but from their vague face expressions and evasive verbal reactions he could sense that they probably wouldn’t have accepted the idea as enthusiastically as he would have liked them to. He could sense that there was something very important that his parents weren’t telling him. Something closely related to the topic of cats.

Isak’s musings were interrupted by Lea’s hand on his shoulder. “We’re home, Isak,” she said with a smile and got out of the car. Isak followed her a few seconds later.

The rest of the rainy Saturday afternoon passed rather uneventfully. Terje and Marianne cooked together, Lea spoke on the phone with her best friend and Isak did his homework in the calm of his room. In the evening, the whole family met at dinner.

After the last meatballs and potatoes disappeared from their plates, Terje looked at Marianne conspiratorially and when she nodded back slightly, he cleared his throat and announced solemnly, “Isak, you are going to be eight years old soon, so me and mamma think that it might be a good time for you to choose a pet. That is, of course, if you would like to have one.”

Isak’s entire face lighted up like the sun. His greatest dream was about to be fulfilled! He answered his dad cheerfully and without any hesitation, “Yes, yes, thank you! I’d love to have a pet! Can I have a cat? Please!”

The silence that fell so suddenly on the entire dining room was heavy and ominous. Terje sighed, his expression turning visibly more serious, Marianne started to bite her lips nervously and Lea kept glancing at Isak with a great amount of sympathy. Isak didn’t know at all what was going on but he feared his parents’ next words.

After what felt like a lifetime, Terje took a deep breath and said, carefully and with a profound sadness in his voice, “Isak... You cannot have a cat.”

Isak frowned in confusion. “Why not, pappa?” he wanted to know.

“I have a strong allergy,” Terje tried to explain, avoiding any direct eye contact with Isak. “If we had a cat here, it would make me ill.”

“How ill, pappa?”

“Very ill, Isak. Very ill.” Terje wasn’t happy at all to take his son’s happiness away from him but at that moment he couldn’t see any other way of how to deal with the situation but to tell him the whole sad truth.

Isak was at a complete loss for words. No matter how hard he tried to keep calm, his eyes were quickly filling with tears and his chin started to tremble slightly. It felt like his whole world was crumbling down all of a sudden.

So that is what everyone kept from me for so long, he realised.

Marianne who could no longer watch Isak’s quiet suffering without trying to ease it somehow, offered her own solution to the problem timidly, “Isak, darling... What would you say to some other pet? A rabbit like Lea has for example... A goldfish or two... Some birds...?”

Isak kept his face down. Looking at the empty plate in front of him, he only shook his head resolutely to express his disagreement.

“Or what about a puppy?” Terje proposed hopefully.

Isak turned his head up to look at his dad sharply. At the mention of dogs, he remembered his past encounters with them. They had all been very far from pleasant. So, he answered with an ice-cold voice, “I don’t like dogs.”

Terje swallowed and sighed again helplessly. “I’m sorry Isak. I really am.”

“How long have you known that?” Isak’s emotions were starting to slowly transform from sadness to anger.

“About the allergy? For about fifteen yea–”

“And you still didn’t tell me! NONE OF YOU!” Large angry tears spilled from Isak’s swollen eyes as he looked around the table at his mum, dad and Lea accusingly. Then he stood up from his chair and ran out of the dining room.

“ISAK, WAIT!” Lea tried to call after him but Isak didn’t listen. He wanted to be alone.

Upon reaching his room, Isak locked the door firmly. Then he jumped on the bed and started to sob violently into the pillow. Several hours later, exhausted from all the crying, he finally fell asleep, clutching Sebastian close to his chest.

3) Late November 2013

Isak rolled over restlessly under the duvet. He was exhausted but he couldn’t sleep. Again. Despite lying in bed in his room he could hear his parents argue loudly in the living room on the other end of the house. At 1:27 in the morning. Again.

He sighed, grabbed a pillow from under his head and put it on his face and over his ears. But the screaming and shouting still resonated in his head. He could hear every word his parents said as clearly as if he was standing right next to them.

A familiar, sharp sound of shattering glass and porcelain carried through the house in agonising echoes. Shortly after the terrible crash of crockery Marianne started to cry. Isak winced painfully into the pillow.

Mamma must be throwing things again, he thought. I hope she won’t hurt herself this time.

Isak’s heart hammered against his ribcage. His breathing got noticeably quicker than usual and his whole body started to shake. The hopelessness of the situation felt unbearable. Their family was slowly falling apart and there was nothing Isak could do to prevent it. No matter how much he yearned to. With an incredibly deep sorrow in his heart he tried to remember how different – happier – everything had been before.

Before his mum had been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia three years ago.

Before granny Mathilde had died suddenly of a severe heart attack a year ago.

Before Lea had decided to study in Berlin (and had left us all behind, Isak thought) four months ago.

Realising how futile all of his attempts to find a moment of peaceful silence were, Isak grabbed the pillow he had pressed on his face earlier and put it back under his head. There was no chance at all for him to fall asleep in the state he was in, he knew that. Nevertheless, he closed his eyes again and tried to slow down his breathing and heart rate by inhaling and exhaling deeply and evenly.

Just when the tight knot in his stomach was finally starting to loosen a little and his breathing almost returned back to normal, another crash, most likely in the kitchen this time, followed by a new bout of Marianne’s crying and Terje’s shouting put an end to all of Isak’s efforts. Isak sighed and opened his eyes tiredly.

His gaze fell on the opposite wall of his room, more precisely on the silhouette of a large plush toy that lied on one of the bookshelves. Sebastian. His tuxedo cat. The only cat he was allowed to have. For a few moments, Isak just stared at him sadly, longingly, then he slowly got out of the bed and went to the bookshelf to fetch him.

Back under the warmth of the covers, Isak took Sebastian into his arms and pressed him tight to his chest, burying his face into the fluffy material of his black and white fur. He felt a little calmer instantly, a little less afraid and not nearly as lonely as before. With one of his hands he petted the plush cat from its head to the tail, slowly, carefully, fully focusing on the softness as it kept passing between his fingers. He gave out a shaky sigh and felt a single tear slip down his cheek. He wiped it off absent-mindedly with his other hand, not stopping the steady movement of the first one in the slightest.

It had been a very long time since Isak had last cuddled with Sebastian because the gentle act always bitterly reminded him that until he would move from his parents’ house he could never have a real cat to love and take care of. And such a truth hurt. Incredibly much so. Literal years after he had first been confronted with it.

On a night like this however, Isak dared to pretend just for a few moments that nothing stood between him and his big dream. Just like he had learned to pretend to be tough, composed and chill at all times at school while his classmates tried to find yet another reason why to hurt him by their mean comments. Or when he had learned to persuade everyone and especially himself that he was in fact deeply interested in dating girls, maybe even more than his best friend Jonas, whose only leisure activity seemed to be spending time with Ingrid these days. He was desperate to prove to the others that there was nothing special about him, even though he knew himself that it wasn’t quite true.

To pretend that everything was okay and that he was the person the others expected him to be had long since become Isak’s everyday coping mechanism, his own way to survive the constant emotional pressure. So he immersed himself in blissful ignorance of the gloomy reality once again and held Sebastian a little closer to his chest, trying to imagine the supreme pleasure he would have felt with a real cat in his arms.

About an hour later, at nearly 2:30 in the morning, the Valtersen family house got silent at last. Terje and Marianne finally called a temporary truce and went to their (separate) beds. Isak however, didn’t even notice it. Unlike on other nights, he had been lulled to a deep sleep a good half an hour earlier, with Sebastian lying right beside him.

He dreamt about cats.

4) Mid-July 2016

Eskild shut the front door of the flat and sighed, a little more dramatically than necessary. “Oh, I’m going to miss her sooo much!”

Noora had just picked up the last few things she had still had at the Kollektiv and then she left straight for the airport to start a new life with William in London. Due to that, the remaining residents – Eskild and Linn – now stood quietly in the hallway of the flat, letting everything sink in. Their new flatmate Isak, who had just moved in to Noora’s old room, stood there with them.

Eskild, being his usual cheerful and welcoming self, recovered the first and changed the topic. “Sooo. I-sak... Welcome to the coolest kollektiv in the whole of Oslo!” he announced solemnly and with barely concealed excitement in his voice. “I hope you’ll have a wonderful time here with Linn and me.”

Isak smiled at him thankfully and nodded. “Thank you so much for letting me stay here,” he said sincerely and made direct eye contact first with Eskild, without whose timely intervention he would have ended up God-knows-where in a God-knows-how bad state, and then with Linn, who just raised the corners of her mouth in answer.

“Oh, don’t mention it, kitten!” Eskild waved a hand at Isak dismissively and grinning like a Cheshire cat he made his way to the kitchen where their half-drunk morning coffees still waited for them.

“Actually,” Eskild noted after he had settled back into his favourite chair, “there is one more thing I would like to ask you about.”

“Sure. What is it?” asked Isak and waited for Eskild to elaborate.

“Do you have any pets you’d like to move here?”

Isak tensed immediately and tried hard not to drown in his mug of coffee. No matter how used to the fact of not having any pet he should be, it was still a very sensitive topic for him. Especially when he was asked about it directly and without any prior warning.

“I... Um... No,” he mumbled nervously.

“No? It’s totally okay if you do! We don’t mind pets here at all, do we Linn?” Eskild assured Isak and Linn shook her head to confirm that she supported Eskild’s statement.

Isak swallowed and with the calmest and most collected voice he was capable of at the moment he said, “No. I don’t have any pets.”

“Okay.” Eskild shrugged his shoulders and took another sip of his coffee. “You can have some though, if you’d like to,” he added right after. “I love animals. I couldn’t imagine my life without them. Which reminds me that I must introduce you to my dear girls – Ariel, Belle and Jasmine. You’re going to love them!” It seemed that he was looking forward to the upcoming joyful event a lot indeed.

Isak frowned in slight confusion but kept quiet, still recovering from his earlier shock. His bewildered expression had most likely been noticed by Linn because she leaned towards him a little and provided a much needed explanation.

“Before you ask, then Ariel, Belle and Jasmine are Eskild’s noisy as hell hamsters and yes, they are all named after Disney princesses,” she stated matter-of-factly, radiating how extremely unimpressed she was about it.

“What?! Don’t pretend you don’t love them, Linn!” protested Eskild.

“I don’t. I don’t even like them. They make a bloody racket all the time and especially at night,” said Linn, her voice keeping its calm, conversational tone which was in a sharp contrast with the meaning of the words she was using.

“Well, not all animals can be as quiet as your goldfish,” Eskild objected aggrievedly while Isak chose to observe their conversation in silence.

“You could have a cat instead. Cats are fine because cats are quiet most of the time,” remarked Linn, somewhat coldly.

Eskild rolled his eyes at her. “Linn, I have always had hamsters at home and you know it. I can’t possibly get a cat now, all of a sudden.” He shook his head in disbelief. “Even though most cats are real cuties,” he added as an afterthought. “Aren’t they, Isak?”

That was the proverbial final straw for Isak. He clenched his teeth, frowned deeply and while he was clearing his voice he tried to think of a way to get out of the situation as quickly as possible without seeming too weird. “Um... I think I should unpack my things... See you later?”

Isak hoped his lie wasn’t completely transparent. From Eskild’s joyful “Sure. See you!” and Linn’s timid smile, he assumed that the reason he had just given them for his sudden retreat was believable enough.

In the safety of his new bedroom Isak leaned against the closed door and gave out a deep sigh. It was all a little too much for him. Of course, neither Eskild nor Linn (and hardly anyone else) knew about his complicated history with pets and cats in particular. And now that he was forced to think about it, Isak realised that he himself had thought that he had already got over his childhood disappointment. Well, obviously not.

He walked a few steps towards the bed and then faceplanted on the striped blue covers. He buried his face into the sky blue pillow that lied on top of them and allowed himself to reflect a little on his flatmates’ earlier words.

Maybe I could have a pet here. Maybe it would do me good, Isak thought. Maybe, just maybe... I could have a cat now.

Unlike just moments ago, the thought of cats put a small, fond smile on Isak’s face. He remembered the plans and dreams he had once had when everything in his life had seemed happier and less complicated.

Then, he also bitterly remembered that those carefree days of childhood were long gone. An intrusive, well-known voice reappeared from the darkest corner of in his mind to remind Isak spitefully what the reality of his life actually looked like at the moment.

Look at yourself, Isak. Who are you? Do you even know it? You can’t even look after yourself properly and you would want to chain another living being to your pitiful existence?

Isak’s smile gradually faded. His conscience had found him again, awakened his deep regrets and bared all of his insecurities. Isak braced himself for the final blow which always came last and haunted him the most.

If you do want to take care of someone so desperately, then you should have taken care of your own mother, you coward.

Isak closed his eyes in pain. It was not for the first time at all that he was caught up in the spiral of self-hatred. For a few years now, he had been almost at war with himself. The real Isak against the made up, polished up, inherently fake version that he presented to the world, even to his closest friends. The version he had invented so that he didn’t have to face the looks, the rumours, the questions and most importantly – the great shame that he would feel. It was incredibly exhausting and it was making Isak steadily more distant, colder, emptier and unhappier. Still, it all felt oddly necessary. As if the little bunch of lies was the only thing that still held Isak’s life together.

Lying on his unmade bed, Isak sighed resignedly, then sat up and looked around the place that had just become his new home, a temporary one as he hoped, but a home all the same. He willed all his worries to hide somewhere deep, deep inside him again, then stood up and started to unpack the few belongings he had managed to take with him the last time he had been to his mother’s house.

Halfway through the unpacking he realised in horror that he had forgotten to bring his only source of real comfort with him – Sebastian.

5) Early August 2017

“It was great to finally meet you, Isak,” said one of Even’s female cousins, whose name Isak had forgotten as soon as they had been introduced, before she went to the kitchen to get another drink.

Isak gave out a quiet sigh of relief. Don’t get him wrong, he was very happy that Even’s extended family seemed to like him and he felt honoured that he had been invited to such a big event as Astrid Næsheim’s 70th birthday party. He also knew that Even loved his granny dearly and that Isak’s presence at this important family gathering meant a lot to him. Still, there were so many people, names and types of relations to remember that Isak felt rather overwhelmed.

He smiled lovingly at the brief thought of his beloved and took a sip of his gin and tonic. He needed a break, just a short one would do. To regain some energy for more socialising that was to come. However, before he could decide if he preferred to find a quiet hideaway in the garden or to retreat to the guestroom he was sharing with Even during their visit, a small movement of a turquoise, half-drawn curtain caught his attention.

I should probably stop drinking, Isak thought, blinking slowly into his half-empty glass. He knew that he was a lightweight when it came to alcohol but this was only his second glass since the beginning of the party. It was far too early, even for him, to see things.

Then it happened again. The curtain moved a little, almost as if there was something hiding behind it. Curious beyond measure, Isak put his glass on the nearest table and went to the window to see what it was.

He moved the curtain to the side and right in front of him, there was a sleeping cat. But not just any cat but a fine specimen of a large Siberian tomcat – a Neva Masquerade to be exact. His fur was exceptionally fluffy, mostly creamy white with distinct dark brown markings on his face, ears, legs and also on his large full tail. He looked majestic, regal, dignified and unbelievably sweet at the same time.

Isak stared at the cat blankly, at a complete loss for words. It felt like a lifetime since he was last able to see a cat from such a short distance, let alone a creature as beautiful as the one that was currently sleeping peacefully in front of him. He couldn’t help himself. He had to touch the cat, feel the softness of his fur between the fingers again.

With as much gentleness as he could muster, he slowly petted the cat’s head between his brown ears with an index finger and whispered “Hei, kitty,” careful not to disturb his sleep.

The cat responded to Isak’s feather-light touch immediately and gave out a soft whine, which made Isak put his hand back down in slight embarrassment. Then the cat stood up, stretched his front paws lazily and yawned widely. Isak felt how his heart started beating wildly out of anticipation.

And then the cat opened his large round eyes and looked directly at Isak. Two pools of bright blue gazed at him inquisitively but there wasn’t any hint of fear in them. Isak was completely mesmerised by those eyes. All he could think of at the moment was how their colour was so clear and bright and blue. And that they reminded him a lot of Even’s eyes.

In a state close to trance, Isak raised his right hand again and put it closer to the cat’s nose, so that he could sniff at it and decide for himself whether Isak was something to be wary of or not. The cat looked first at his outstretched palm, then back at Isak, then back at the palm again and without any further warning he gave the palm a playful nudge. Isak gasped silently. The cat deemed him trustworthy.

Having established the first contact, Isak dared to speak softly to him again, “Hei, kitty... I’m sorry if I woke you up... Ps-ps-ps-ps.”

While they were having their muttered conversation, Isak tried to touch the fur on the cat’s head again and when the cat only came closer to him, he petted it over his ears and down on his back. He always waited for the cat’s reaction and approval because he didn’t want to cross his boundaries. After all, he knew very well how uncomfortable it felt when someone crossed his own.

The cat, however, seemed to like the attention and petting that Isak was giving him. He even started to give out little chirping-like noises and kept nudging Isak’s hand and stomach.

“What is it, kitty? What do you want from me?” Isak wondered, smiling softly. “Would you like me to scratch you behind your ears maybe...?” What he proposed, he did a moment later and oh, how the cat loved it! He started to purr and press as close to Isak as he could.

Out of the blue, a calm voice interrupted them. “He wants to cuddle.”

Isak jumped a little and turned around abruptly. Astrid Næsheim was kindly smiling at him and nodding her head approvingly.

“I see you’ve already met my Alexei.” She came closer to pet the cat’s head gently. “Pick him up, Isak.”

Isak’s eyes widened. “May I?”

“Of course, you may, darling!” Astrid assured him joyfully.

Isak had to take a breath to calm himself down a little. He was excited beyond measure. Alexei was still looking at him, nudging his hand and demanding attention and cuddles. So Isak gave them to him.

Gently and carefully he lifted Alexei up into his arms. His front paws were resting on Isak’s left shoulder, while his hind legs were supported by Isak’s right forearm. As soon as Alexei settled and found his balance, he started to purr as loudly as a lawnmower into Isak’s ear and cuddle as close to his face as possible.

Happy tears started to well up in Isak’s eyes and he had a hard time preventing them from falling. Alexei’s long white whiskers tickled his cheek feather-lightly. Isak raised one hand and buried it into the soft, silky mass of the fur on his back. A wave of inexplicable calm and safety washed over him, he could feel it pour through his veins and warm him all up. Such warmth he only ever felt in the arms of two people – his mum and his Even.

Right beside him, Astrid kept watching the scene with profound interest. She was smiling as a proud mother would and her eyes glinted peculiarly.

After a while, Isak asked her, “Does Alexei always want to cuddle with people?”

“Never,” she answered. “Only with the closest family.” She gave Isak a meaningful look, squeezed his arm reassuringly and then she left as suddenly as she had appeared.

Isak stayed glued to the spot by the window with a purring, almost sleeping cat in his arms. He buried his face into the soft fur and inhaled its specific earthly scent. When a single, quiet tear of happiness finally managed to escape his right eye, he let it fall until it touched his smile.

----------

For the rest of the day and well into the night Isak couldn’t think about anything else but Alexei, Astrid’s kind words and – most importantly – about their implication.

Did she really mean that I belonged to the closest family now? The thought filled Isak with such lightness and gratitude that he had to pinch himself a few times to check that he wasn’t dreaming it all up.

Still deep in thought, he barely even registered that Even was talking to him, even though they were facing each other in bed. When he finally did, he rushed to apologise, “Huh? Sorry. I zoned out for a while...” Then he cuddled closer to Even, seeking the warmth of his loving arms.

Even didn’t say anything at first, only looked at Isak with a quiet, fond amusement in his eyes. As if he knew exactly what was on Isak’s mind and that these thoughts occupied it entirely. He ran his hand over Isak’s back lightly and repeated softly, “I saw you with Alexei today. You both looked like you were having a great time together.”

The corners of Isak’s mouth rose of their own volition at the memory of the chance encounter. “He’s a sweetie,” nodded Isak and then snuggled even closer to Even.

Even mirrored his actions, his eyes never leaving Isak’s face. “Do you like cats?” he asked with a sincere interest written across his face.

Isak’s gaze turned pensive. His mind filled with images of all the cats he had met during his life and with memories of the unique connection he had felt with some of them – Sebastian, Else, Frida, Kristian and now with Alexei. A myriad of gentle emotions flooded his mind at the mere thought of them.

“I love cats... I adore them,” Isak replied into the silence of the room. He kept his voice low, barely above a whisper, almost as if he was afraid to admit his feelings out loud.

Even let a small affectionate smile bloom on his face, then raised one hand to tuck a stray lock of Isak’s hair behind his ear. Seeing that Isak’s reaction was to close his eyes and lean into the touch, he remarked teasingly, “You’re a little like a cat yourself.”

Isak opened his eyes abruptly and felt how his smile quickly faded. Careful not to meet Even’s gaze directly, he uttered with a clear hint of sadness and bitterness in his voice “Why? Because I’m always grumpy and I hiss at people?”

“No,” Even protested, his hand diving into Isak’s hair to caress it reassuringly. “Because you are a kind soul which might need a little time to open up but when you do, your affection and devotion is limitless and everlasting.”

Isak was left speechless. For the umpteenth time he marvelled at how Even had come into his grey, insecure, monotonous life like the sun after a long winter and returned the light, warmth and joy into it. His heart grew ten times bigger upon hearing such beautiful words fall from Even’s lips.

Even must have sensed how affected Isak was because he added nonchalantly, “And of course because you start purring whenever I do something you like.”

Isak couldn’t help but let out a quiet giggle. Then he got serious again. He knew that Even would never pressure him to explain anything from his past that he wasn’t ready to share. However, after his unnecessarily harsh comment, Isak felt like he should clarify certain things to him.

“I’ve always loved cats. Ever since I can remember, they have fascinated me,” he started. “But... I couldn’t have any at home because pappa was allergic to them... When he left mamma and me, everything was so strange and chaotic and just... sad…” He swallowed audibly before he continued, “Then it got even more complicated with me leaving to live at the Kollektiv...” He sighed deeply and then finished his short speech, “It remained one of my greatest dreams – to have a cat one day.”

When Isak looked at Even to see his reaction, he was met with a soft smile and eyes that were telling him all he needed to know. I’m here and I’m listening to you. You are not alone. Isak felt a great weight fall off his chest.

Even’s hand kept caressing Isak’s scalp absent-mindedly. As the time passed, his expression gradually became somehow distant. He was biting his lip slightly and his eyes started glinting mischievously. He was wearing what Isak recognised to be his planning face.

“Even. Let me remind you that our tenancy agreement doesn’t allow pets,” Isak warned him resolutely.

Even grinned, “I know. For now, it doesn’t allow pets. For now.” And he winked at Isak or at least attempted to do so.

Isak rolled his eyes fondly at him before he buried himself entirely in Even’s embrace. He didn’t leave its comfort until the next morning, a content, relaxed smile adorning his sleeping face all night.

+1) 21st June 2020

“Can’t you give me a little hint?” Isak demanded for at least the hundredth time in the last twenty minutes.

“No, because then it wouldn’t be a proper surprise,” Even replied, focusing back on his driving.

Isak pouted but deep inside, his heart was full of contentment.

It was a very special day – a nice warm Sunday and also Isak’s 21st birthday. Around 8:30 in the morning, Even had woken the birthday boy up with gentle kisses pressed all over his body, then he had made him his favourite breakfast and then, they had cuddled again, for hours, fully revelling in the comfort of each other’s presence. Just after lunch (Even’s delicious, Michelin-star-worthy grilled salmon with baby spinach) Even had announced that he had arranged a big surprise for Isak and that it awaited him on the other side of Trondheim. So here they were – on their way to Fossegrenda.

They arrived to a quiet residential area a few minutes later. Even parked the car in front of a nice red house, got out of the car and rang the bell. A young woman in her late twenties with kind eyes and flaming red hair came out of the house to greet them.

“Hei, Even! I was expecting you,” she said mysteriously. “And you must be Isak. Nice to meet you and happy birthday!”

Isak was slightly confused but he shook the young woman’s hand, thanked and smiled politely at her before following Even inside the house.

Once they had took off their shoes, the young woman led them to what Isak assumed could be the living room. She stopped in front of its closed door, then turned around to face both of them and announced, “Okay. Here we are. Take all the time you need, boys. Even, I’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything.”

Isak couldn’t help but get steadily more nervous with every word she said. Luckily, Even seemed to know exactly what she was talking about.

“Thank you so much, Marit,” he said. When Marit left and they were alone in the hallway, he looked at Isak and winked at him, quite successfully. “Ready?”

“I have literally no idea,” replied Isak, still rather nervous but also excited.

“I’ll take that as a yes, then...” Even grinned and proceeded to open the door to the living room.

It was a light and spacious room, furnished in a minimalistic but cosy way. Isak really liked the colour of the curtains (yellow), he didn’t have the opportunity to create an opinion on the rest of the decor though, because his eyes fell on the very aim of their visit.

In the corner of the room, right beside the grey sofa, there was a large square cat bed and inside of it – Isak gasped audibly in surprise – nine fluffy kittens.

“Oh, God...” Isak let out a whisper and gaped at the kittens, completely frozen to the spot.

They were so gorgeous! And so tiny! Precious little balls of fluff!

Each kitten had a different colour but they all seemed to be about the same age, definitely not more than three months old, Isak estimated. They were adorable in their juvenile awkwardness, walking shakily and meowing softly. He couldn’t take his eyes off of them.

He quickly came closer to the cat bed and kneeled down by it. He gazed at the kittens lovingly and sighed. “They are so cute, Even!” he exclaimed cheerfully. “How did you know about them?”

Even smiled widely at Isak, pleased that his birthday surprise had the desired effect. “You know Lars from KB? Marit is his sister. Two weeks ago she found these babies by the recycle bins, wrapped in a large tote bag. They were hungry but otherwise they looked healthy. So she took them to the vet for a check-up and then she brought them home.”

Isak’s face expressions changed rapidly – from joy to rage (because how on Earth could anyone want to get rid of such sweet innocent creatures?!), then to sadness for their terrible experience and finally to relief that Marit had found and saved them before something terrible could happen to them.

“Oh, and the vet says that they are most likely siblings, now about ten weeks old, all Norwegian Forest Cat mixes,” Even added.

Isak’s eyes widened in absolute awe. Norwegian Forest Cats were his most favourite cat breed ever. Their grace and elegance mixed perfectly with their wild and agile nature. These were the cats of the Vikings – their loyal companions both in battle and at home. Majestic, strong and resilient but also loving, friendly and patient. Best friends. Lifelong partners. Family members.

Isak looked at the kittens again and noticed that one of them – a brown tabby girl – was walking towards him. Her legs were shaking a little but she kept trying, wholly focused on getting closer to Isak.

To make it easier for her, Isak took her into his hands and cuddled her to his chest. His fingers started to stroke her fur almost automatically. A smile was plastered on his face. “Hei, princess...” he greeted the kitten. “Aww. You’re such a sweetie,” he half-whispered and glanced at Even.

He was met with gentle eyes and even gentler smile. “They all are,” Even said and Isak couldn’t help but nod in complete agreement.

“Now, the question is... How many of them would you like to take home?”

Isak was very glad to be sitting down on the floor, otherwise his knees would have surely given up under him. “You mean… Do you mean that we– that we could... Oh,” he stuttered. His eyes were flooding with tears. He had never thought something so amazing could happen to him.

Even snuggled right next to Isak, took him by one hand, squeezed it reassuringly and holding his gaze firmly he told him “Yes, Issy. I mean it. This is one of your oldest and greatest dreams and I want it to come true.” His thumb gently stroked the back of Isak’s hand. “I love you, baby. Happy birthday.” Then leaning forward, he kissed Isak’s cheek softly.

Isak couldn’t take it any longer and burst openly into tears. With the little tabby still in his hands, he rested his forehead on Even’s shoulder and with a heartfelt “thank you”, he cried and cried. He felt so moved, so happy, so thankful and so loved like never before. And all thanks to Even.

The events of the last few minutes seemed to have attracted the attention of another kitten sibling – this time a ginger tabby with white chest and paws. She stood motionlessly in front of Even and with her head tilted a little to one side she kept watching him – how he comforted Isak, ran a hand through his hair, whispered sweet nothings into his ear. She meowed softly and it sounded like a shy question, so Even turned his head towards her. The moment he did, he fell in love at the first sight for the second time in his life.

“Oh, halla, kitty... Would you like to join us here?” And with the hand that wasn’t embracing Isak, he grabbed the kitty carefully under her belly and pulled her closer to him. “Ps-ps-ps-ps… You are so beautiful…”

Isak leaned away and watched fondly how the ginger tabby and Even started to get to know each other. Right at that moment, he felt unparalleled joy and peace fill his entire mind, heart and soul. It was one of the simple, delicate moments in life during which a person realises in wonderment that everything is just as it should be. To Isak, such feelings had usually come while he had been with Even. Now, it came while they were together with their furry new family members.

All at once, it struck Isak that the kittens didn’t have any names yet. Before he could voice it out however, an idea formed in his head and refused to go away.

Vivian and Satine.

He looked at the brown tabby in his hands and then at Even who still seemed to be having an important conversation with the ginger one. Isak’s mouth split in a large affectionate smile and his eyes kept shining.

Perfect.