Chapter Text
Justin could hear someone talking, mumbling about something he couldn’t understand. It made him crack open one of his eyes, desperate to find what had disturbed his sleep.
His vision was so blurry, it never focused even after he tried to blink… he could barely see. Making a small pained noise the blur in front of him suddenly jumped to attention. Moving closer to him, leaning over him slightly. It was a person. There was a person looking at him. His eyes started watering. He didn’t know why. He closed his eyes again, releasing the horrible tension that had come over his body with the force it had taken to pull himself out of unconsciousness. It was so relieving he sighed and started to sink back into where he was laying.
He didn’t know who was in front of him, at least not consciously. Apparently his subconscious knew they were harmless. More than harmless actually. Justin felt himself completely melt in their presence. Suddenly calmed. He felt safe and warm. Just seeing their blurriness there completely lulled him back into a weird dreamy state. Seeing them told him that it was ok to go back to bed, that they’d make sure nothing bad would happen to him.
But then they made a sound of distress. Of disappointment. Justin realized somewhere in his hot liquid mind that they had wanted him to wake up. That they were waiting for him to wake up. They were upset he was falling back asleep. They sounded more than upset actually… they sounded heartbroken. It made Justin’s heart twinge in return.
Justin made a sad pitiful whining noise and tried desperately to open his eyes. To wake up for them. It was harder than it had any right being. When he finally managed to crack them open they still looked horribly blurry, but he noticed 3 gelled spikes of hair. He smiled tiredly and let his head lean back with his exhaustion.
“Giriko?” His voice sounded horrible. It was hoarse and tiny and pained and tired and just a complete mess . But it was pretty clear from the noise Giriko made that he didn’t care even a little bit, it sounded so strangled and pained, like he was trying to swallow back some larger noise of relief or excitement. Justin tried to laugh but all that came out was a puff and a wheeze.
“Yeah it’s me. You waking up? Come on brat we’ve been waiting.” Each sentence sounded final, like Giriko hadn’t been planning on going on from there but then hadn’t been able to stop himself. His voice sounded rushed, like he was trying to get as much information across as he could before it was too late. Justin wondered what too late would be. He wondered what Giriko was worried would happen.
“Giriko.” It was still nothing more than a pathetic croak, but now it was also burdened with the threat of tears. What Justin could make out of Giriko’s face was excited… had been excited. With his weird repetition of the enchanter’s name it had dropped slightly. He looked concerned. Worried about him. Justin wasn’t paying attention to that… he was too busy noticing how soft and warm everything was… how different it all felt… what too late could be… his throat swelled shut as he started to piece together where he was.
“Are we dead?” Giriko’s face fell like a rock. All the joy and relief in his face drained out, vanished like it had never been there. Justin could feel something painful and crushing around what he had to assume was his arm. He still couldn’t feel his body right. Everything was still so numb and heavy. The tightness of what he was guessing was Giriko’s grasp was the only thing he could feel besides the slight movements of his face as he talked.
“We’re not dead. It's fine Justin. We’re fine.” Justin’s head fell to the side limply. He couldn’t summon the energy to hold it up anymore. He was having a hard time believing Giriko’s words. This felt a lot like an afterlife. Everything was so bright and nothing hurt anymore. A few tears started to drip down his face. They smelled so salty and only made his face twist up more, letting him choke out a few more silent sobs.
“I died didn’t I?” His chest hurt. His heart was scrunching up and trying to disappear within itself. This was too cruel. All of it. He just wanted to be dead. Dead in the sense that he’d never have to think or feel again. He didn’t want to be taunted like this. To be shown everything he could’ve had if he had just been normal. If he never had the disgusting black tar of madness coursing through him. He could see Giriko moving, trying to meet their eyes again after Justin had looked pointedly away. He didn’t want to see the enchanter. He didn’t want to see anyone anymore. Still the man awkwardly moved his arm around something and put his hand gently on the side of his face.
There was stuff in the way. Things Justin couldn’t see or feel but that were most certainly on him and blocking any skin to skin contact between them. A bitter confirmation flickered through him as he realized that this might just be how things felt when you were dead. He was dead. He was dead and had been sent to heaven because it was more interesting, more cruel to make him suffer like this then to make him suffer in the same way he had been on earth. He already knew how to deal with the unbelievable pain of hell. He already knew how to stomach that kind of suffering. He had no idea how to deal with this… this… false love and care. He didn’t know how to handle being taunted with what he had wanted so badly. It hurt so bad. It hurt and made it hard to breathe.
“Justin you're fine, you’re safe and you’re fine. Just waking up. You're waking up it's going to be ok.” Giriko must’ve been able to see his overwhelming confusion because he quickly went to clarify.
“You were hurt. You are hurt. They put you under to keep you safe Justin. You're just waking up from that.” He didn’t understand that. At least… not entirely. His brain felt mushy and confused and he wanted Giriko closer. His tired limp and heavy body couldn’t move properly but he managed to lean his head further into the enchanter’s hand and nuzzle into his palm. He could feel Giriko tense up, he could feel the man strain to hold himself back from turning his gentle touch into a painfully grasping, protective one. Justin wished he would. He didn’t care if it’d hurt. He wanted to feel the other and know he was there.
“I thought you died.” The words fell flat into the room, so heavy that no one knew how to stop it from just splattering across the floor, dark and gross with some weird mixture of accusation and longing…
“I thought you died too brat.” Giriko’s voice was getting hoarse. It sounded like he was in pain. Justin could barely see anything in the shifting hazy colors of the room but he just knew the other’s face was twisted into something upset. That he had been just as torn up about this as Justin had been… Frowning Justin quickly moved past that, wanting to make sure he got more information and this didn’t just turn into a sore and pained silence.
“How long have I been asleep?” It looked like Giriko had been half standing over him before that, but with the relief that Justin was thinking coherently and asking questions again he sat down with a heavy sigh.
“Not going to lie, it’s been a good while. And it’ll probably be longer. You can’t see yourself right now but you… you don’t look so good.” Justin didn’t feel very good either, he could barely think through the heavy fog over his brain that just screamed at him to go back to bed… he was so tired… he was so tired but there was far too much he needed to hear before he could let himself fall back asleep.
“What about you? Do you look good? Are… are you ok?” There was a weird pause for a bit, Giriko stiffened up and suddenly made Justin feel as if he had done something very very wrong and was now somehow in trouble.
“Can you not see me?” Justin weakly shook his head no. He could feel Giriko’s hand grow painfully tight around his own. The silence stretched on longer and longer and Justin started to grow nervous.
“Giriko-”
“I’m ok. I’m ok, see?” For a second Justin was confused, but then he felt Giriko pick up his hand, pulling it up and place it against his warm stubbly cheek. Justin’s fingers splayed out almost immediately, touching the other’s skin and trying not to cry over the warm contact. He wanted more. He thought this was gone. He wanted to pull Giriko closer and kiss him but all he could do was clutch at the other’s face weakly.
“Kiss me?” Justin wasn’t usually the type to ask upfront for something like that but he knew he wasn’t going to be able to take it for himself. Still he could feel Giriko sag under that demand, a silent rejection that was only empathized by Giriko dropping his hand. It fell like a rock back to the bed without the enchanter’s support. Justin tried to lift it back up but he couldn’t. He whined, warbelly and sad at the loss of contact. At the sudden distance he had accidentally put in between them.
“I can’t.” The weird hazy exhaustion that made it impossible for Justin to really understand why , or even really see that as anything more than some kind of lazy excuse. Huffing tiredly he tried his best to get his lax and numb face into a glare.
“Why not?” Suddenly he heard a weird tapping come from the front of his face. Trying to look at what it was he couldn’t see anything but a weird grey that Giriko was knocking one of his knuckles on. Whatever it was was on him. Over his mouth and nose. Clearly in the way and the reason Giriko couldn’t kiss him. He huffed in annoyance.
“Take it off.” Giriko laughed, sharp and tired. Justin watched as his blurry arm went up to rub at his face… or the back of his head… it went to do something. Wrinkling his own eyes shut his fingers twitched, he wanted to rub at them. To try and get the weird haze that had settled over them to go away. His nose wrinkled up in displeasure and the weird plastic on his face shifted with the movement.
“Justin I’m not gonna risk killing you for a kiss.” If Justin had full control over his body right now he’d rip whatever it was off his face and kiss the enchanter himself. He was getting sick of being unable to move. Really sick of it. He was starting to get mad and honestly rather grumpy about it. He glared at the blurry smear of color that he had pegged as Giriko, and huffed again. Louder this time.
“You don’t know if that’d kill me.” Justin’s voice was surprisingly firm and difficult considering the condition he was in, but it didn’t seem to pressure Giriko into listening to him even the slightest bit.
“I don’t know if it wouldn’t either.” If there was one thing Justin hated more than anything else, it was when Giriko was right and he knew he had to listen to the other man. Justin fucking hated that, he hated knowing he was wrong and was extremely guilty of sometimes doing it anyway because he couldn’t admit Giriko was right. This wasn’t anything new or anything different.
“It wouldn’t.” He didn’t need to see to know how absolutely exhausted Giriko looked right now. He could just feel it coming off of the enchanter in waves.
“Justin.” Huffing Justin knew that he had met a dead end here, that Giriko wasn’t going to keep going with this and wasn’t going to listen. There was nothing he could do anymore… nothing but…
“Justin!” Sitting up as best as he could Justin groaned far lower then he probably had in his entire life. That hurt so much worse than it had any right to. His stomach felt like it was caving in. His rib cage was trying to kiss his hip bones. He was completely crumpling into himself. Giriko threw him back onto the bed and he didn’t fight it, he just groaned again and tried to wipe at his now sweaty face. Giriko held his arm down.
How on earth had it taken that much energy just to sit up? How was he out of breath from just that? He could hear Giriko calling him a moron or something along those lines in a flurry besides him. He sounded so angry and incredulous over everything that Justin laughed tiredly.
“It hurts.” His voice was pained not only from the sheer agony he went through trying to do that but also with the realization of how entirely weak and helpless he was right now, completely broken apart and unable to move. The tears that pricked around his eyes weren’t from the physical hurt at all, no they were all from the implications that were suddenly falling into place around him.
“No shit it hurts! Why the fuck did you do that?” Giriko sounded amazingly livid, probably more furious with Justin than he had been for a very very long time. It was a tone that probably would’ve messed with Justin a lot if it weren’t for the fact that he was far too worn out and in way too much pain to really pay all that much attention to Giriko anymore. Still, he did his best to answer.
“I’m tired of laying here. I’m ready to move around again.” Giriko laughed in disbelief, amazed at how stupid he was being… Justin wasn’t sure he had ever been in a situation where Giriko had made that noise and he had actually agreed that he was being stupid. Usually it was over pride, which was invaluable in Justin’s opinion, but right now he knew he had to stay still… he hated that.
“Clearly you're not! How the hell did you even manage to get yourself up that much!?” He tried to make a response, he tried to say something back to that and keep up their conversation but he only managed to groan and spit up some painful burning bile into the dumb mask on his face. Fuck. He could smell some blood in that.
There was a loud clattering noise and he could sort of notice Giriko rush out of wherever they were. Some part of him was completely heartbroken by that, but the part of him that was trying not to vomit even more into the small mask literally strapped to his face was far louder and wasn’t going to give him a chance to even think about where Giriko had gone or why.
“Justin!” He knew that voice. Whose voice was that?
As he saw the shifting, blurry, dark figure come over him he tried to put it together. They ripped the mask off his face and he coughed in confusion, spraying more blood onto the sheets. Who the hell was this? They wiped at his face with something that smelled gross and wet and he tried to bend away. They weren’t interested in being gentle or patient with him though, and quickly grabbed on to his face and kept him firmly still with a quiet threat his tired mind couldn’t really hear.
He went cooperatively limp after that. He knew he wasn’t in any state to fight back, and while he didn’t remember who exactly that voice belonged to he didn’t really feel any fear or uncertainty around it. They were fairly quick after that and it seemed like it was all fine. Up until they tore something off his face and made him screech in surprise and mild pain. His entire body bunched up with the shock and he managed to cup his hand protectively around the patch of skin they had ripped the bandage off of.
“Let me see it.” To say he was confused was an understatement. He couldn’t understand what they were asking and they sure didn’t wait for him to figure it out before they pulled his hand away and forced his legs back flat against the bed.
“Most of your lips are back… but the rest is still pretty bad. At least we can move the bandage to the side now. Where you won’t vomit on it.” Justin’s brain was working overtime trying to understand that. His lips? Moving his hand up to touch at his now uncovered face he felt the rough scabbed over skin that was bleeding ever so slightly around his mouth. The rough healing marks seemed to trail up his face for quite a while… up until they reached his flaming cheek.
Oh.
He suddenly remembered where he was.
And he knew who was in front of him.
“Azu-” Azusa glared at him horribly, he could tell even with his blurry vision that she was pissed. Completely and entirely. She was so mad at him. Not about what he had done to originally get him here though. Just at how he had managed to fuck himself up again within the first 30 minutes of being awake again.
“Don’t talk. Just sit there and try not to mess anything else up.” Justin didn’t argue with that. He sat silently as she rebandaged his cheek and put something on all the scabs. It was getting hard to breathe. He felt like he was going to pass out soon. He wanted to start gasping for air but he was scared of moving that much while she was doing something. Apparently he started to turn purple or something though because she leaned back with a very concerned kind of posture.
“Can you breathe?” He shook his head no rapidly and she swore under her breath. There was a second where she put something else on the scabs before quickly standing up. Justin tried to take in a shaky breath but it wasn’t really working. He didn’t understand why he was having such a hard time. It felt like he was suffocating. He tried to breath in again but it felt like he wasn’t actually managing to suck in any air.
He felt a new mask get forced roughly against his face and strapped down, and within seconds afterwards there was a rush of air. He was sweating again. What… on earth had happened to him? He remembered being dragged back to the DWMA half dead at this point but what had he done that made it impossible for him to breathe? His eyebrows knotted up as he tried to think of everything on the very long list of ways that he had horrible mangled himself. It was probably something but god if he could remember what.
“Azusa.” His voice was so gravely and weird that he had to cough right after saying that, cringing at the weird popping wet feeling that moved in his chest with each one. Azusa didn’t even blink at it.
“No talking. We can talk later, you need to rest.” Once again she didn’t wait for him to catch up. Instead she just grabbed his blanket and threw it over him in a way Justin knew was more to restrain him than to be comforting. He blinked at her, trying to follow everything she was doing with his tired pained mind. Finally she stopped, just for a second, giving him a tired smile and running her hand through his hair.
“Go to sleep. You’re still not in any state to be awake right now.” her grip tightened ever so slightly and she tensed up in a way that Justin knew meant she was giving him her truly horrific and threatening smile.
“If you don’t we have sedatives. So be cooperative.” Shrinking under the blankets he closed his eyes and she patted his head in approval.
Of course he didn’t just immediately fall asleep after that though. The adrenaline in his veins from all that weird pain was still running high. He wasn’t going to risk opening his eyes and letting her put him under though… so he just sort of listened into her and Giriko’s angry hushed conversation.
“So what the hell happened here?” Azusa’s voice was an amazing kind of livid, straight up blood thirsty and actually develing into unprofessional language… she was truly outraged. Justin was actually the slightest bit panicked knowing there was literally nothing he could do to slow her down from whatever was going to happen here.
“He woke up, tried to sit up and threw up, I told you that! What the hell else are you expecting to hear?” It was shocking how quiet Giriko was capable of being, he was practically whispering there, Justin had to strain to hear him despite the fact Giriko usually was loud or deafening. There wasn’t any quiet option most of the time… all of this was so unfamiliar, unfamiliar enough Justin was curious if he hit his head and forgot some stuff about how the closest people in his life acted… he felt dizzy and sick.
“Why’d he try to sit up?” Azusa almost made it seem like it was somehow Giriko’s fault Justin had made that stupid decision, probably wanting to get angry at someone she could take it out on instead of some dumb kid so beaten up that trying to beat him up anymore would definitely kill him. The funny tone of that in Justin’s mind fell flat as he realized that he really would die even if he just fell onto the floor right now… that was horrifying and humiliating and…
“I don’t know!” Swallowing thickly Justin grasped onto those words, clinging on to this conversation that he wasn’t supposed to be a part of just to have something to think about other than how awful and pathetic he was right now. Something other than the self hatred he could feel swirling in his subconscious, ready to tear him apart the second the distractions faded away.
“And that was the first thing he did when he woke up?” There was a strained silence for a second and Justin didn’t need to open his eyes to know Giriko had been entirely cornered. He had waited far too long, even if his expression was steel, which with it being Giriko it most certainly wasn’t, it was too late, it was obvious he was hiding something.
“We were just talking.” Giriko’s voice was even quieter, something Justin was shocked was even possible. It was almost like Giriko somehow felt bad about not going for Azusa earlier… which was shocking to say the least. Justin wasn’t sure why Giriko would bother to get her unless there was an emergency which, well, there kinda was.
“And you didn’t come get me? Didn’t tell anyone he woke up? We have to make sure everything is healing and he’s recovering at a proper rate, you can’t just forget that.” It was amazing in a kind horrible way to hear Giriko getting full out scolded right now, something Justin knew the man would never let anyone do without some massive bite back… Justin honestly wished he could open his eyes so he could see the expression on the enchanter’s face right now, to see his reaction to this…
“Well I didn’t know that.” It was a bit snappy, a hint to drop it right now before Giriko got actually mad, but Azusa of course didn’t listen; she just gave a dramatic sigh, one so over the top Justin could see her shaking her head in his mind.
“You were the one who asked to be allowed to watch over him. You agreed to those rules and I know for a fact getting us whenever he wakes up was one of them. Follow them or we will get someone else to do it.” It was a threat but Justin could tell her heart wasn’t entirely in it. She already had a million other things to worry about undoubtedly and Giriko had gotten her so this was really overkill. Giriko gave a heavy sigh.
“Ok. I’ll remember it next time.” There was a weird shuffling and the door shut with a loud clack. Justin peeked one of his eyes open and saw Giriko grumbling and moving to sit back down besides the bed.
“How long have you been hanging around here?” After Giriko jumped out of his skin at the question Justin couldn’t stop himself from laughing as best as he could with all the equipment on him. With his stint trying to sit up going so poorly, Justin wasn’t interested in fighting against the heaviness of his body and all the wires on him, but god they made it hard even to just react properly.
“Jesus kid. Didn’t go to bed then?” Giving a couple bleary blinks, trying to clear up his vision to see Giriko properly Justin sighed as things got maybe 2% better… it was something he supposed. Mumbling he sunk deeper into the blankets to look at Giriko over the edge and respond.
“Can you fall asleep on command?” Giriko grunted in acknowledgement, agreeing with Justin and that yeah he couldn’t do that either. Honestly, Justin would be impressed if someone could manage that. He wasn’t sure how Azusa thought that was possible or if she even did think that… maybe she just wanted him to shut up…
“So you heard all of that did you?” As he nodded Giriko grimaced and leaned back against his chair, understanding that he needed to start explaining what was going on but unsure of how to start.
“Well… You had a real chunk taken out of you so they all decided it would be best just to force you under for a while. By the time I showed up you had already been down for a bit… but i've been here for a week or so.” Justin’s eyes almost came out of his head… a week? A week!? Justin couldn’t remember what happened before he fell asleep but he felt like he had been asleep for a couple hours maybe, not days . How much had he missed? What was going on?
“I’ve been asleep for a week?” His voice was so hoarse and shocked, Giriko gave him a pained frown just from hearing it. Justin wasn’t paying attention to any of that though, he was just trying to figure out what to do with that information, how he could possibly come to terms with it… Giriko patted his head and brushed back some of his hair, snapping him out of his uncontrollable thoughts and getting him to listen to the rest of the story.
“At least. I’m honestly surprised you woke up already. By the time I saw you they had already put a lot of work into putting you back together… and well.” There was a heavy pause, bad news imminent, Justin could feel it coming and was honestly scared of what it could be. Giriko’s expression was full of a special type of pain Justin wasn’t sure he had seen before.
“I thought you were a corpse. I thought there was no way you were coming back from all of that.” It hurt to hear, it was scary to hear, it made him feel dead , like this was some weird post mortem informational session he was hearing as a ghost or something. Giriko didn’t seem to pick up on his discomfort though and just kept going…
“And when they put you under they weren’t sure if you were gonna wake back up either. I guess they figured it’d be better for you to die while you were under than for you to suffer through your body trying to rebuild itself and then still die.” Justin could feel himself sweating, his eyes spinning with how overwhelming all that information was… it all made sense in a way… but he didn’t want to consider any of it. He just wanted everything to be fine again, he needed to just be fine for a second but life didn’t work that way…
“Also they just didn’t want you to be doing stupid shit like trying to sit up and making it even harder for yourself to recover.” The sharp smile Giriko gave with that was clearly done to lighten the mood, but it didn’t process in Justin’s mind at all, he was too busy thinking about everything that had happened to even roll his eyes at that poor excuse for a joke.
“So I really was supposed to die?” Giriko’s smile disappeared entirely.
“Not supposed to. Just… really looked like you were going to.” Justin’s eyes felt heavy and wet, he hated this, he hated all of this and he couldn’t even curl up into a tight little ball and cry because there was so much weird shit sticking out of him…
“Everything hurts.” Justin’s voice cracked in the middle of his words, his voice just as pained as he was, reflecting the sorrow in his soul right now.
“Yeah I got a feeling it’s gonna be that way for a while little scythe.” The words were gentle and loving but Justin could only look at Giriko with a tilted head, in an amazed shock. It was almost funny how Giriko grew uncomfortable under the weird focus and looked around before looking back at Justin for an explanation.
“You haven’t called me that since I was a Death Scythe.” Giriko blinked, trying to process that himself and think about the overwhelming amount of things that were going on here and pick it all apart before responding.
“Oh… I- I forgot. I mean you are one again aren’t you?” It was a fair question and one Justin honestly didn’t know the answer to himself. He had no idea what was going on here, had no idea what had happened while he was asleep and what they had decided about all of this or even why Giriko was even here… but he supposed none of that really mattered right now anyway… he was far too tired to try and make sense of it all.
“Probably not…” It was a lazy tired answer, one that sounded so dejected and upset that Giriko’s expression dropped the tiniest bit in sympathy.
“Well… you won’t be missing out on much honestly.” Justin giggled tiredly, not having nearly enough strength to try to stifle the embarrassing, almost cutesty noise. Giriko didn’t poke fun at it though, he just smiled, tired and relieved. Justin didn’t realize until now, probably because his vision hadn’t cleared up until now, but… Giriko looked pretty beaten up. His face looked haggard and pale, he had such dark circles and his normally spiky hair had wilted a bit. It made his heart squeeze painfully.
“I missed you.” It came out before Justin even knew it. Giriko froze solid under the confession, he looked pained and uncomfortable. For a brief second Justin could feel his heart drop to the floor. Taking the other’s discomfort as a rejection. But then he noticed that Giriko’s eyes were ever so slightly wet… that he looked almost scared.
“I missed you too kid. Don’t go actually dying on me this time.” It was scary to know that wasn’t an outrageous fear for Giriko to have here, that it was extremely possible for that to happen… Justin tried to brush past it though, to not think about it too hard and go crazy with the possibilities of it all.
“Did you really think I died after you… went missing?” Giriko looked down to the floor with a heavy sigh after the question, the weight of the past few months falling over him like a pile of bricks as he tiredly rubbed at his eyes.
“I didn’t know… but with everything that had happened, I didn’t really have any hope.” Justin nodded in understanding, trying to ignore the bitter flavor of that… but then Giriko continued on, apparently wanting to get this all out of the way now or maybe just wanting to finally get it off his chest.
“And when they finally told me you were still alive it was because they had your dying mangled corpse of a body and wanted to see if I had any information to help fix it.” There was a second Justin had to think about that statement, running it over through his mind a couple times… So… the reason they were together right now was only because Justin almost died? That was horribly bitter but it did make the throbbing wounds aching at Justin’s skin the slightest bit easier to tolerate…
“So you went from thinking I had died, to seeing me dying?” Giriko’s mouth bent into a weird frown, not wanting to answer while also knowing it was already out there. They both knew it, they both could see the weird remains of what Giriko had just had to suffer right in front of them with Justin’s thrashed body…
“Yeah pretty much.” There was an uncomfortable quiet and Justin’s face started to twist into something upset and angry.
“Why did you leave me?” Somewhere deep down Justin knew that was a ridiculous thing to be upset about, but he also couldn’t stop himself. He was in charge of himself and it was no one’s fault but his own that he was so disgustingly disfigured now, but somehow it still felt like he had been betrayed. He hated himself for feeling that way, for being so incompetent and relying on Giriko for something as important as general safety… This was all his fault, entirely, he couldn’t be upset at anyone but himself…
“It wasn’t my choice! The fucking academy caught me and… there wasn’t much I could do from there.” Giriko surprisingly seemed to follow along with Justin’s sudden weird brattiness expecting him to be back up even though that was most surely not his responsibility at all. It was weird and if Justin had more energy he’d probably make it obvious that he didn’t care all that much and that he didn’t need to know, but he was too tired for that and just nodded in a numb acceptance.
“Justin… what happened after I was gone?” Giriko’s question was only fair but it came like a fucking lighting strike. Justin sunk into the covers Azusa had put over him, going lower and lower until only his eyes could just barely peek out the top, his face burning in a mixture of shame and embarrassment.
“It hurt.” Giriko actually flinched hearing those words, as if they somehow confirmed his worst fears or something. Justin didn’t understand the reaction but he was also too far into his own head to even process anything going on outside of his own downward spiral remembering everything that had happened to lead him to this moment, the dark sticky feeling making him want to rip all these wires out and try to rinse himself off with scalding water so he could feel even the slightest bit clean again.
“It hurt so much and I was all alone except him and I- I don’t- It-” Giriko covered his mouth, holding his jaw still with a shaking hand that seemed to be as close to breaking down as he was…
“H-hey. Let’s not talk about that right now ok? Just calm down.” Pinching his eyes shut Justin nodded firmly and hid further under the blankets. Further away from Giriko. He didn’t want anyone to see him right now. He didn’t want anyone to know he existed. He was so ashamed of everything he just wanted to dissolve through the floorboards and hate himself in peace. Giriko didn’t let that happen though. He peeled the blankets down before wrapping them around Justin and pulling his limp body up.
“Don’t tell Azusa I’m doing this, she’ll fucking kill me if she finds out.” blinking Justin tried to process what was happening as he was bundled up into Giriko’s arms and the enchanter got himself awkwardly in the hospital bed beside him. Justin could only stare in shock as Giriko checked to make sure he wasn’t sitting on anything important, or had disconnected something or anything like that. Once he was satisfied he hadn’t fucked anything vital up he relaxed and pulled Justin up against his chest warmly.
“It’s lucky you’re such a fucking stick of a person, otherwise there’d be no way we’d both fit in here.” For a bit Justin just sat stiff and scared. Having a horribly hard time catching up and understanding just what was happening here. Giriko’s arm was heavy and comforting around his back but Justin was the furthest thing from calm. He took a shaky breath in through his nose. And the reality hit him like a ton of bricks.
This was Giriko. His Giriko. He wasn’t dead. He wasn’t dead and he was by his side again. Burying his face into the other’s chest Justin lost himself in the familiar scent and started to cry. Giriko was alive. This was real. Not a delusion. Not some weird medication induced nightmare. Not a cruel afterlife. He was here. Clutching onto Giriko’s shirt he ignored how the IV in his hand pressed painfully against his white knuckles. He needed the other closer, to know he wasn’t going to leave again.
“It’s really you, isn’t it? You're really still alive…” Giriko seemed a bit lost, not really holding him back and more just limp in shock trying to figure out what was going on.
“Are you just realizing that?” Nodding vigorously he tried to push himself even closer to the enchanter. For a second there was just silence, and then Giriko pulled him into a bruising hug. It hurt , it made Justin’s weak body scream in pain but at the same time he wanted it even tighter, to know nothing would get between them.
“I’m alive Justin. This is real. This is real and I won’t leave you again. I won’t let this happen again.” The affirmations made him cry harder, so unbearably relieved to hear that this was reality. That they were alright, that somehow they had found themselves together again.