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Yesterday night Pope had decided that he has a crush on JJ.
He'd known it before, had known for months already. But he'd kind of hoped it would go away if he simply just ignored it. Only ignoring it was almost impossible, to say the least, because JJ was always right there. Literally all the damn time. So that's why Pope had finally allowed himself to acknowledge it. Why fight against something you couldn't change? Yes, he'd been staring at the ceiling at 2am, hopelessly deep in thought about JJ again, when he'd finally said it out loud. Or not actually out loud, it wasn't a smart thing to do in the middle of the night. He wasn't that silly. But he'd said it out loud in his mind. He has a crush on JJ. He has a crush on JJ, and there's nothing he can do about it, and he is doomed. Doomed for life.
The next morning when Kiara had called him and told him they were going out on the boat, he'd simply agreed. Pope kind of thought the world would somehow be different now once the truth about his feelings was out. At least as out as it could be without actually telling anyone. The sun was still as warm on his skin when he walked over to the Chateau, and the sky hadn't turned pink suddenly or whatever. Not that it could actually happen, Pope had just imagined something drastic would occur in the universe after his great revelation. Everything was exactly the same as it had been yesterday. JJ still looked as adorable when he waved to Pope from the front porch enthusiastically, and Pope's heart was still about to burst out of his chest by the sight of it.
JJ was even more all over Pope today than usually. He was smiley and kept cracking jokes to see Pope's reaction, and well, Pope ended up laughing even at the most stupid things. And he basically shoved Kie aside when she was about to sit down next to Pope on the boat. JJ was leaning against Pope's side with his whole body, almost like he would fall over if he didn't. Even though Pope usually enjoyed JJ's attention, it was driving him crazy right now, and he desperately needed to get away from his touch for a moment. That's why he decided to remain on the boat while all the others jumped in for a swim, although the air was thick with humidity and he thought the sun would melt him alive. He instantly regretted his decision, though. Because now he was stuck next to a very wet, very glowing JJ who had climbed out of the water way too soon and propped himself down right beside Pope. Too close again.
"Hey, what are you thinking about?" JJ asked him, scanning his face somewhat playfully, his lips curled into a smile.
Pope kept his eyes on the water. Oh shut up, boy. Thinking about you actually. Been thinking about you and only you obsessively for too long of a time for it to be normal. Thinking about these water droplets on your perfect golden skin, and how I want to touch your chest so bad, and how you'd feel warm under my fingers, and how beautiful your eyes look in this light. And how I can't sleep at night because I'm thinking about your smile that makes you look so alive although thinking about your best friend like this can't be normal, and you know, I probably have a crush on you because I really want to kiss your neck right now. And well, to be completely honest, I actually can't think about anything else anymore because you're consuming my senses, and you are sitting too close right now but then again please just come closer, I need you so much closer, could you please just wrap your arms around me and leave this world behind with me and. And can you just stop asking such stupid questions because there's no way I'm going to answer you honestly, okay?
"Nothing much," he just shrugged, trying to pass a smile so JJ would consider this conversation finished.
JJ scoffed. "Yeah sure, you're always thinking about something."
Pope just nodded and let out in one breath: "Mhmm right."
JJ can you stop with the torture, huh? Just go and swim some more so I can appreciate you from a distance because there's no way in hell I can stop my thoughts when you keep pushing me, and my emotions just keep getting louder every day and I wish I could just shut them off but you're always here by my side and I can't ignore it and I don't actually want to ignore it but I'm not ready for this conversation because you're my buddy and it's cool. Actually, I think I can get over these stupid feelings pretty quickly once you start respecting my personal space. If you don't, I'm probably going to kiss you sooner or later, please be ready for that. Please don't push me away.
"No, but seriously, 's something worrying you? You've been off for the past weeks," JJ continued, sounding serious now.
Oh heck. So you've noticed that I'm acting all strange around you? Cool cool cool. Nice to know I'm that obvious. Please don't look at me like that. Shut up, you can't be concerned about me, this makes you even cuter. You know what, I wouldn't call it something as simple as worry. It's literally eating me alive, and I'd do everything to just tell you and kiss you right here, but that wouldn't be really nice of me because you're just my friend and that's what friends do. Friends ask you about how you're doing. But do you really have to notice every tiny change in my behaviour like that? I can't stand the thought that you see me so much, but I'm just forced to be casual about this. Noone's ever looked at me with such eyes that hold so much care. JJ, do you understand that I so desperately need to tell you this, but it's not what you want to hear. Stop making this so hard for me.
"Yeah, I've just been thinking about...," Pope trailed off because he didn't actually know where he was going with that sentence. "...things."
It took a second before JJ replied, his eyes intense on Pope's face: "Me too."
It was too much. JJ's eyes were too much, and his voice was too much, and he probably meant something totally different, and Pope couldn't handle it, so he just mumbled out a random excuse of "The sun's too hot, I need to swim," before practically falling into the water because he was rushing that much. Stop being so awkward, oh my god!
He didn't dare to look at JJ who stayed on the boat, instead swam over to John B and Kie who were giggling suspiciously.
------
JJ had always known he had a crush on Pope.
It hadn't been some sudden realization, definitely not. The feeling had kind of grown gradually over the years, getting more and more strong with every passing day somehow. He hadn't bothered to properly even define the thing he felt towards Pope, because it basically was just something that had always been a part of him. He could list random facts about himself and having a crush on Pope would simply just be one part of it. Hello, I am JJ Maybank. I have blond hair. I live in the Outer Banks. I like surfing and going to parties. I have a crush on my best friend Pope. Simple as that. He'd always been okay with the fact that he probably wouldn't have Pope that way, although it was the one thing he truly needed in life. As long as he was allowed to be next to Pope, to sometimes touch his cheek, to hear him talk, he'd be okay. Only that now he'd started noticing that something had changed in Pope's behaviour. Something that allowed him to feel hopeful suddenly. And now he only needed the courage to tell Pope. But he didn't exactly have that courage in him to actually say it just yet, maybe hints would be enough. He was doomed for life.
So that's what JJ had decided to do, starting from today. He was going to give Pope hints. Damn it, Pope was the smartest boy alive, maybe he could simply just figure it out that JJ had a crush on him. He'd asked Kiara to call Pope so they could go out on the boat because he had no idea where he'd left his own phone. Pope was the last one to arrive at the Chateau, and JJ was waiting for him impatiently on the front porch for what seemed like centuries. Once he noticed Pope, he felt a huge grin forming on his face as he waved to him. Pope's instant smile was so cute that JJ could've hugged him until he couldn't breathe any longer.
JJ even didn't try to hide his excitement and love around Pope today. Sometimes, although very rarely, he didn't say every random joke out loud that crossed his mind, because he didn't want to be overwhelming. But today he did, feeling like he had nothing to lose. JJ didn't care that Kie kept rolling her eyes at him and scoffing every once in a while because Pope laughed at literally everything he said today. And JJ was ready to do anything just to hear that angelic sound more and more. He shifted himself as close to Pope on the boat as physically possible. JJ needed to hold himself back really damn hard not to grab Pope's hand and rest his head against his shoulder. He'd jumped in the water with John B and Kie as soon as they stopped, hoping to pull Pope along with him but he'd said he didn't feel like it right now. Swimming was boring if he didn't have Pope there to tease, so soon enough he climbed back on the boat and sat down next to Pope again.
"Hey, what are you thinking about?" JJ asked him, admiring his face and how pretty the sunshine made him look.
"Nothing much," Pope shrugged after a slight pause. He glanced over at JJ briefly, smiling, and JJ's heart did a somersault by that.
Despite Pope's godly look, JJ scoffed at his answer.
Please tell me everything you're thinking about. I would listen to you speaking every day without getting tired of it, even though sometimes I'm not completely sure what you're trying to say. But it's not because of you, it's me who doesn't understand. You're just too damn smart for me, and it's so adorable that I can't sleep at night. I don't mind, though, because as long as I can keep hearing your excited voice, everything is okay. Are you aware of the way your eyes light up when you get really enthusiastic? Every time you get that look, I want to grab your face in my hands and kiss that stupid smile off of your face. Gosh and look at you smiling again, are you doing this on purpose? You're making my heart beat so fast that sometimes I think I'll die when you don't stop smiling immediately, but I actually wouldn't want you to stop because I'd rather die than live without seeing your shining face every day for the rest of my life. Please tell me the secrets of your life, please tell me what's on your mind, I won't judge.
"Yeah sure, you're always thinking about something," JJ tried again because he so desperately wanted to know.
Pope nodded. JJ inhaled, hoping to get a real answer this time. "Mhmm right," Pope said instead and he kind of sounded like something was bothering him.
Pope, darling, is something wrong? I've been noticing how you're distant and jumpy, and it's killing me slowly. You know, you can talk to me about everything, right? I hope it isn't something I've said or done because I never want to make you feel uncomfortable, and I'd rather stay silent about my feelings for the rest of my life if it meant I didn't have to see you looking uncertain and worried again.
"No, but seriously, 's something worrying you? You've been off for the past weeks," JJ said, noticing the instant seriousness and concern in his voice.
He examined Pope's face closely.
"Yeah, I've just been thinking about..." Pope stopped as if searching for the right words to say. "...things."
JJ's heart skipped a beat, his eyes not leaving Pope's face.
Things? Pope, what do you mean by things? Because I've been thinking about things, too. Things like how I so desperately need to find out how soft your lips are and how it would feel like to run my hands over your stomach. And I'm not sure how long I'll be able to live with this anymore without telling you because I really need to tell you how I feel so maybe you could just explain what those things are because you've always been better at finding the right words. You know what, I'm probably just kissing you one day because I wouldn't be able to form actual sentences to properly express what insane things you're making me feel. I hope you'll still want to talk to me after that.
"Me too," JJ finally managed to breathe out. The deep urgency in his voice scared him slightly.
It must've freaked Pope out too, because he suddenly stood and almost fell into the water, not looking at JJ. He said something, but JJ didn't understand what over the white noise ringing in his ears. Stop scaring him off, dude!
JJ looked over at his three friends, not moving his body. He needed to slow down his breathing.
------
Kiara immediately swam over to John B once JJ was out of the water. He walked right over to Pope and sat down next to him as close as possible, which made her chuckle. Pope's eyes followed JJ the whole time it took him to climb on the boat and walk over to him, but right after JJ was there, he looked away. Although it was impossible to make out what they were saying from that distance, she saw that JJ had sparked up a conversation, staring at Pope intently. Pope's knee was bouncing, but he kept looking at JJ and smiling every so often.
"Hey, look at these dorks," Kiara told John B. She pointed her finger at the two on the boat who were far too occupied with each other to even notice they were being examined from the water.
John B cackled. "Oh my god, can they be even more obvious?"
"Yeah right, " Kie said with a smile. "Whatcha think, how long will they keep tiptoeing around each other like that?"
John B shrugged. "Honestly, considering how they've been going on like this for months now, I wouldn't be surprised if it took them another 2 months before one of them finally figures it out."
Kiara nodded, looking over at the boat once again. JJ and Pope both had huge grins on their faces, bodies slightly turned towards each other. She could tell that Pope was internally freaking out like he always did when JJ got too close to him. And JJ was just full-on heart eyes, nothing else.
"Dude, have you seen how JJ's been acting lately," she said. "I mean he literally shoved me aside this morning when I was about to sit next to Pope."
"What, no way!" John B laughed, shaking his head in disbelief.
"Yeah," Kie replied, smiling as well. "I don't know, I feel like JJ's nearing his breaking point."
"You mean he's gonna just snap and kiss Pope finally?" John B asked, his voice casual like he was stating a fact rather than speculating about when his two best friends would end up kissing each other.
"Yep," Kiara said. "I'm guessing three weeks."
John B smirked. "Alright, wanna bet?"
Kie's face was smug when she answered. "Yeah, whoever's guess is closest is allowed to tease these two non-stop for a week!"
Giggling, they shook their hands as a deal just before a very flustered Pope swam over to them. Kie shot a look over at JJ on the boat, who quite honestly looked like he had trouble breathing. When she glanced back over to John B, they both burst into laughter.