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Julie is about ready to smash Reggie’s bass. He’s been playing nonstop just so he can stay corporeal enough to be annoying with Flynn. And they are annoying, laughing loudly at everything the other person says and standing way, way too close together. Julie can’t even put her finger on what precisely is so obnoxious about the newly blooming...whatever it is between them, but it is. She watches them at band practice, which has devolved into about 50% actual music and 50% Reggie and Flynn goofing off, and seethes. She’d asked them both what was going on, and it had done little to ease her frustration.
(“Soooo...you and Reggie seem really close,” she’d told Flynn, pointed but leaving the ball in her court to tell Julie the truth. Flynn had just laughed.
“Yeah. He’s a dork. We’re hanging out.”
“Sooooooooooooo...........you and Flynn,” she’d tried with Reggie.
“Oh,” he’d said with a goofy smile that set Julie’s teeth on edge. “Yeah, we’re just having fun.”
And that had driven her crazier than anything, because over her dead body is any guy, ghost or otherwise, “just” having fun with her best friend in the entire world.)
So neither of them is putting a label on it, but Julie knows they’re dating. Or flirting. Or something. And she wouldn’t care, she really wouldn’t, it would be hypocritical with her and Luke’s relationship, but they won’t even have the decency to fess up about it. And it has to be serious if Flynn is willing to put aside her qualms about paranormal romance. She and Reggie had even experimented with different methods of communicating; the constant bass-playing was just the start of it. They pass notes like they’re in elementary school, or else Reggie’s typing away on Flynn’s phone to tell her something that makes her laugh ‘til she cries. Alex usually just rolls his eyes fondly, looking only as irritated as he’s obligated to be that apparently, his bro has found love. Luke though? He gets it.
It’s honestly really helped their own relationship, being united against whatever is going with their friends. Julie had, admittedly, had her moments of doubt once she and Luke had actually admitted they liked each other. She loves him, of course, loves spending time with him. Loves how easy it is to talk to him, how he understands her, loves the way his eyes sparkle when he smiles at her, but she’d had second thoughts on whether upgrading their friendship to something more was the right call. Now, though, Luke is her favorite person in the world, because he seems to be the only one who understands how messed up and infuriating the whole thing is.
Like right now. Reggie is showing off some new country song he’d written for Flynn, complete with an entirely performative drawl that makes Julie want to scream, and Flynn is loving it. She doesn’t even like country music. They used to have a running joke when Carrie was in her early Taylor Swift phase where they’d pretend to sing country (badly) together until tears were streaming down their faces they were laughing so hard. Julie misses that so much it aches.
“So. What are we doing about this?” Luke asks, coming over and draping a ghostly arm around her shoulders, and the knot she’d been tying her chest into loosens.
“Has Reggie said anything to you about what’s going on?” she asks him. He shakes his head, his gaze still on the pair across the studio.
“He hasn’t told me anything. I asked Alex and he didn’t know either.”
“I don’t get it. She literally tried to talk me out of dating you because of the whole, dead thing. But now she’s just over that?” Julie clenches her jaw.
“Hey,” Luke says, voice a little softer. “You know how much I care about you, right?” She smiles up at him.
“I do.” She steps closer to him. It took a lot of trial and error, and they still don’t always manage it, but usually, Luke can figure out how to hug her without her going right through him. Today, they succeed. It’s a relief just to be able to bury herself in the arms of someone who wants nothing but the best for her. She always feels safe with Luke.
“We’ll figure something out. Obviously they can’t keep doing this, it’s throwing off the rhythm of the whole band.”
As if to prove their point, Alex raises a drumstick and says, “Hey, if you guys are just gonna couple up anyway, Willie and I actually had plans, so...” Julie and Luke start to protest, but he’s already poofed out. So much for practice.
“Nice, guys,” Julie snaps at Flynn and Reggie. She feels bad about it instantly, especially when she sees the look on Flynn’s face and knows she’s just going to wind up apologizing for her outburst later, but right now, she’s fed up. She storms out of the studio and up to her room. She doesn’t have to ask if Luke’s coming too; she knows him well enough by now.
“Hey, Jules, we’re gonna figure this out, okay?” Luke tells her, popping up moments after she slams the door. “I’m gonna fix this. Trust me.” He comes to sit beside her on her bed, hovering like he’s not sure if he should reach out or give her space.
And Julie doesn’t want to be ungrateful. She doesn’t. She’s so happy with Luke, mostly, she loves being with him and she likes him so much as a person. Sometimes, though. Sometimes she wonders if that’s enough anymore.
-----
She’s dreading school the moment she wakes up the next day, unsure if she’s more worried about Flynn confronting her or ignoring her. It seems like Flynn isn’t really sure which one Julie deserves more either, because she sure is paying a lot of attention to Julie for someone giving her the cold shoulder.
She cracks around lunch.
“I almost sat with Carrie,” she tells Julie unceremoniously as she throws her lunch down across the table from her. “Carrie.”
“You hate Carrie.”
“I might like her more than you right now,” Flynn says, and okay, that hurts.
“Flynn, I’m sorry,” she tries. Flynn raises her eyebrows.
“So you’re allowed to get a cute ghost boyfriend but I can’t even browse the merchandise?” she asks. “Reggie is cute, and he’s funny, and he’s nice to me, and maybe I want someone to write songs about me and tell me how pretty I am while you’re off making goo goo eyes at your sexy golden retriever.”
Julie shudders. “Oh my god, never call him that again,” she groans, and Flynn actually laughs, which is a major win. She sighs. “I really am sorry, okay? I was just frustrated because you guys keep interrupting band practice. We haven’t worked on anything new in weeks.”
“Okay...” Flynn says, thoughtful. “I guess that’s fair. I can stop coming to practice if you want, but I hope that means you and Luke are being totally professional too, or I’ll riot.”
“We are professional,” she insists. Shockingly so, she thinks to herself. It strikes her, suddenly, that she doesn’t feel distracted by him at all when they’re in practice. Outside the studio, sure, she loves hanging out and talking with him, doing dumb things like dancing to his favorite totally-cutting-edge-in-his-day 90’s songs in her room, but inside? They’re both way more focused on the band than on each other. Should she be distracted? Are they doing this all wrong? “And I don’t want you to stop coming to practice. It’s nice having you there. We just need our bassist back.”
“Okayyyy,” Flynn relents with a whine. “I’ll talk to him about it.”
“Thank you,” Julie says, smiling at her. Then she thinks over what Flynn’s saying and bites her lip before asking timidly, “So you guys are dating? Like, officially?”
Flynn just shrugs. “We’re going out, I guess. We haven’t been too worried about making anything official. We’re just—”
“—having fun.” Julie finishes. “Yeah. I heard.”
Flynn sits up straighter, grinning at her and leaning in. “Be happy for me! Aren’t you glad I’m with a guy that writes me cheesy love songs instead of that guy I liked last year who thought he was a big deal because his older brother is in a frat?”
“He compared you to a horse in that song,” Julie points out grudgingly, not fully willing to let that one go. Flynn is her best friend in the world. She’s helped Julie through some of the hardest moments in her life, and she’s not about to let some guy break her heart, even if he’s a friend too.
“Yeah, and he loves horses.”
“Okay,” Julie says at last. “I trust you. And I want you to be happy.”
Flynn reaches across the table and grabs her hand, beaming at her. Julie feels warm and reassured and jumpy all at once.
“I am,” Flynn promises. “I can handle myself. If anything, you should be worried for Reggie. No one hurts me and gets away with it.” Julie laughs.
“That’s true. No splitting up my band, okay?”
Flynn shrugs. “Not on purpose, anyway,” she deadpans, but she breaks a moment later, and suddenly, they’re cracking up together like everything is normal.
The rest of the day passes easily. Julie feels far more able to focus on school now that she and Flynn aren’t fighting, and they even exchange a few goofy texts throughout the afternoon that have nothing to do with the whole Reggie thing. She’s on cloud nine again, happy and full of love for her best friend.
So it’s a surprise when Luke suddenly pops up by her locker before her last class, looking serious.
“Reggie’s insisting it’s not a big deal,” he tells her without preamble. Julie sighs and fumbles her phone out of her bag, barely bothering with the cursory fake greeting before responding to him.
“Maybe it isn’t,” she tells him. Luke’s frown deepens.
“What are you talking about? Just yesterday you were totally mad at them with me.”
“I wasn’t mad at them, I just don’t get what they’re doing. But I talked about it with Flynn earlier and I really think they’re keeping it casual. She just wants to get spoiled a little, and it’s not like Reggie can really flirt with any other girls, you know?”
Luke still doesn’t look totally convinced, but he nods after a moment.
“Fine. But I just think it’s a stupid idea. Shouldn’t he be putting the band first?”
“Okay, but what are we doing?” she points out. It’s not that she doesn’t agree with him, because she does. It’s just that she’s not willing to let this come between her and Flynn. She’ll forgive a lot to keep her in her life.
“We’re totally putting the band first! What’s prioritizing the band more than dating each other? We can be working on the music all the time. Any date could turn into a jam session.”
Julie raises an eyebrow. “How romantic,” she says. There’s that weird feeling again. The one that tells her she isn’t reacting right, that she should be more upset that his focus isn’t on her as his girlfriend. But she just. Isn’t. Maybe she’s just too mature to get caught up in something that petty.
“Sorry,” Luke says, to his credit. “I don’t know what’s going on with me, to be honest. Just...every time I see them together, something inside me is like...”
“I know,” Julie tells him. “Me too.”
They stand in silence.
“So we do nothing,” Luke says finally. “We just...let it happen and try to get over it.”
“I guess so.”
“That doesn’t feel great,” he admits.
“No. But what else can we do? They’re our best friends.”
She reaches out to touch his shoulder. Her hand goes right through him.
-----
It would be so much easier if Julie had something concrete to be upset about. But Reggie and Flynn really do get better about the whole thing. Reggie is on task at band practice, playing better than ever while Flynn watches with hearts in her eyes. They aren’t overly coupley when the five of them hang out in the studio. They even get better about excluding the others with their nonverbal communication. Two weeks go by, then three, and Flynn and Reggie are still solid.
Maybe she’d be able to forget they were dating altogether, except as soon as practice ends, they’re running off on Date Night or something. She and Luke don’t even have date night, and they’d gotten together first. They just hang out when they want to. She’s not sure, but she thinks Alex and Willie are the same, although Alex is a lot more private about him than the others are. Julie hasn’t even met Willie yet.
Or so she thinks, until the guys all make a commotion one day at practice, setting aside their instruments and excitedly gathering around...nothing.
“Hey man!” Luke says happily. “Long time no see. Alex has been keeping you all to himself.”
“Hey!” Alex yelps, genuinely embarrassed, and Julie realizes with a start that, all visual evidence to the contrary, Willie is here in the studio.
There’s a weird silence, which she guesses is Willie speaking, followed by Reggie saying, “Aw dude, I wish Alex had warned us, we would have prepared something good for you!”
“Hey, all our stuff is good,” Luke fires back.
“Guys, stop crowding him,” Alex says, the voice of reason even if he’s clearly nervous in the presence of his crush/possible boyfriend.
“Uh, hi, Willie,” Julie says tentatively, waving in the direction she hopes he’s standing. The ghosts she can see all turn and look at her. “I mean, I can’t really, like, see you, which is weird for me, because I’m used to being the insider on the whole ghost thing, but still, it’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you from Alex.”
“Hmm, Julie can finally get on my level and work with what I’ve got,” Flynn teases, nudging Julie with her elbow. Julie laughs in spite of herself.
“Whoa this is trippy,” Reggie says. “A ghost even Julie can’t see.”
“Well it makes sense, right? We’re connected to Julie somehow. Willie isn’t,” Luke says. Alex is quiet, and she wonders if he’s thinking the same thing Julie is: But he’s connected to Alex.
It’s a bummer that she can’t see the guy Alex is obviously head over heels for, but she’ll trust that he has good taste and do her best to make a good first impression anyway.
“So, Willie. Here to see Julie and the Phantoms live and dead and in person?” she asks with a grin.
“He thought that was very funny,” Alex tells her warmly, smiling at what is presumably Willie. “And he says ‘let’s do this!’”
“Awesome,” Julie says, shaking off the unexpected turn the afternoon had taken and getting back into performance mode. “Did you guys have anything in mind?”
They play a few of their best pieces for him, and according to the guys, he’s absolutely loving it. Flynn beams when Reggie pops into existence for her, perched on the arm of a chair next to his bass set up. He’s smiling back at her, hamming it up to make her laugh. It would be cute if it didn’t make Julie’s heart do weird anxious flips in her chest.
Because the truth is, she loves them both, and she wants better for them than to only really be able to interact when he’s performing. She wants Flynn to be able to hold hands with someone she likes, to cuddle up with them and know they’re there, to have real conversations without having to get creative or type something up. And she wants Reggie to love someone he can have all the time, without having to jump through hoops. It’s not fair. Maybe in a different lifetime, they could have been in the right place at the right time together and really made something work. Now, though? She just can’t imagine a universe where this ends well.
She’s pretty sure she falters on the final note of their final song, but no one says anything. Flynn is cheering, and Luke assures her Willie is too.
“You really liked it?” Alex asks, more shy than Julie has ever seen him. Even without hearing the other side of the conversation, she can tell Alex is hanging onto his every word, taking it all to heart. She hopes Willie is giving him all the praise he deserves and then some. Alex deserves the world.
“We’d love that!” Reggie says suddenly, taking Julie out of her own head for a minute.
“What?” she asks.
“Willie said we should all hang out together,” Alex says enthusiastically.
“Like a...triple date?” she asks skeptically. Finally catching a piece of conversation she can grab onto, Flynn perks up.
“OH my god YES,” she gushes. “I’ve been dying to take Reggie to the movies, it’s such a cheap date because you only need one ticket for the pair of us.”
“That sounds fun,” Alex agrees, looking at the space next to him that must be Willie. “What do you think?”
“I don’t know,” Luke says quietly, scrunching up his nose and glancing over at Reggie, who is looking fondly at Flynn while he scribbles a Post-It note for her that makes her dissolve into laughter. Julie wonders what he’s saying that she enjoys so much.
“Maybe it’ll be fun,” she says, trying to be positive. “And we haven’t gone on a proper date in forever.”
“What about last week? We went to that restaurant.”
“I went to a restaurant and you sat across from me and I looked like a lonely weirdo eating soup by myself.”
“Okay. Movies it is,” Luke gives in.
“We’re in,” she tells the group at large. Flynn claps happily, jumping up and grabbing her bag.
“Obviously Jules and I will sit together, otherwise it’ll look weird, but we’ll try to get empty seats for you guys too,” she says.
Oh. An afternoon next to Flynn and Reggie on a date. Great.
-----
Walking into the movie theater she and Flynn have gone to a hundred times before with a hoard of ghosts trailing behind them is surreal. Flynn seems to take it in stride, walking in like she owns the place. Julie’s always admired how unaffected she is by the idea that she might be kind of weird. Even though Julie knows no one else can see the boys, she’s still paranoid, checking over her shoulder again and again to make sure no one’s looking at them funny.
“Oh my god I miss movie theater snacks,” Reggie groans, and Alex and Luke agree. “Remember when we saw Jurassic Park?”
“Yeah, and Alex was sick,” Luke laughs. Alex makes an annoyed sound, swatting at Luke, but Luke just laughs and dodges him. “And Bobby’s mom wouldn’t let him go because it was his sister’s birthday, so it was just you and me.”
“And we had to split our popcorn because I forgot my wallet,” Reggie finishes. He looks fond, nostalgic. Julie doesn’t honestly see the guys reminisce too much about the time when they were alive, especially lately. It’s kind of fun to see them remember the happier moments of when they’d been alive; Julie’s mostly only heard about the harder parts.
They scan over their options in the lobby, showtimes and titles flickering on the marquee behind the counter.
“Face Punch, definitely,” Luke says.
“Hmmm, I don’t know, I wanted to see The Boyfriend Murders,” Flynn says. Julie brightens.
“I read that last year. Did you ever finish it? I think you still have my copy.”
“No, I never got around to it. But a movie with Liam Payne and Tom Holland appearing in the same place is really spiritually significant for me, so I’m interested.”
The guys look less than convinced.
“That sounds kind of corny,” Luke offers.
“The guys aren’t so sure,” she tells Flynn. Flynn’s face morphs into a blank slate, almost frighteningly neutral.
“What, Reggie, are you saying you can’t make up your mind and pick one?” Flynn says, a performative tone to her voice that throws Julie off. It sounds passive aggressive, like Flynn is digging up some argument from hours earlier, but Reggie cracks up. “Is he laughing?” Flynn adds eagerly. Julie nods, still confused.
“God,” Reggie says, wiping away an amused tear before breathlessly asking Julie, “Can you tell her I said ‘they’re just both such attractive options.’”
“Uh, he says they’re both attractive options,” Julie repeats. Flynn snorts.
“You’re good, Reggie. I’ll give you that one.”
Julie looks at Luke, who looks just as confused as she feels, then at Alex, who’s clearly cuddled up with Willie and not paying attention to the baffling scene unfolding in front of them. It’s funny, seeing them together. Or, rather, seeing Alex and knowing Willie is there too. This must be how she looks to everyone else when she’s with Luke, looking at a blank space where someone else should be. No one could have any doubt whether or not Willie was really there, though; Alex glows when he’s near him. Does Julie light up like that too? What is it like to love so big it takes up space?
“What are you guys talking about?” Luke asks. Julie’s about to echo the sentiment in a way Flynn can hear when their turn in line finally comes.
“How can I help you girls?” the woman behind the ticket counter asks.
“Can we get two tickets for...” she trails off, turning to Flynn and glancing subtly at the boys.
“Ladies’ choice,” Flynn cuts in smoothly. “Two for The Boyfriend Murders.” The guys groan in unison, and Julie starts to protest on their behalf, even though the movie is definitely her choice too. “Oh come on,” Flynn insists. “Don’t pretend you don’t want to see the cute girls.”
Reggie laughs. “Or the guys,” he adds, glancing between Alex and Flynn. Alex smiles at him appreciatively.
“Willie says he’s game,” he supplies for Julie’s benefit. She smiles back at him, grateful that someone is thinking of her.
“Toni from Riverdale is in this one too,” Flynn continues.
“What’s Riverdale?” Alex whispers, and Julie realizes he’s asking Willie. She would give anything to be able to hear his response.
“Oh!” the girl behind the counter says brightly. Julie sees the rainbow pin on her shirt and realizes a second too late what their lopsided, half-incoherent conversation looked like. The girl leans forward a little and tells them conspiratorially, “You guys will really like it. Did you read the books?”
“No,” Flynn says.
“Yes,” Julie says. This might as well happen. Everything else about this is already chaos.
The ticket girl smiles. “Well I totally think they did Birdie and Willa’s relationship justice. It’s awesome.”
Flynn is raising her eyebrows, curious now about whatever is going down between this girl—Tia, her name tag says—and Julie, but Julie is ready to get far, far away from this conversation and all its implications.
“Looking forward to it,” she tells the girl, taking their tickets and beelining for the theaters without another word.
“Wait, wait, snacks!” Flynn cries, steering her toward the concession counter instead. Julie groans.
“Do we need to? The guys can’t even eat them, it feels weird.”
“Well I’m not about to watch some dreamy actors on a big screen without my popcorn and Sour Patch watermelons,” Flynn answers, getting in line. Julie sighs, but she waits at the other end of the counter for her.
“Sorry guys,” she says softly, hoping no other moviegoers hear. “This shouldn’t take long.”
“It’s cool,” Reggie says easily. “We can eat vicariously through you.”
“Maybe we can go scope out seats,” Luke offers. Julie shakes her head.
“No, everything is reserved seating now,” she tells him. He scoffs in disapproval. “I know,” she agrees. “It’s not all bad, but I miss picking my seat in the moment.”
“So much for spontaneity,” he huffs. She smiles at him.
“You doing okay?” she asks.
“Been better,” Luke admits. He glances over at Reggie and Alex, who are examining the Coming Soon posters and exclaiming about how many remakes of movies from their childhood are coming out. “Is it weird that I feel this weird about Reggie being in a relationship? I don’t feel like this about Alex.”
“It’s different. Willie’s a ghost too. It’s easier, in a lot of ways.”
“That’s true.” He’s still frowning. Julie gets it.
“Let’s just try to have fun, okay? This movie should be a good time.”
Flynn rejoins Julie and the rest of the group, and they head into the theater together. They get lucky, because the movie’s already been out for a week and the theater isn’t totally packed, so they get a row to themselves. Julie’s just crossing her fingers no late arrivals roll in and sit on one of her bandmates by mistake. Not that it would really cause any problems, but she’s sure they wouldn’t be happy about it.
“Oh come on,” Reggie groans as he settles into his seat. Julie glances at the screen and realizes it’s an ad for the latest Jurassic World movie.
“If it makes you feel better, no one from this time is really happy about them either,” she tells him.
“None of the movies ever got better than the original. Why mess with a good thing when the perfect movie is right there?”
“There, there,” Alex says, patting Reggie’s arm.
Luke leans over Julie to add, “You could always haunt the producers if it makes you feel better.”
Reggie does seem cheered by this, and the group settles down as the lights begin to dim. Willie and Alex sit together at the end of their group (Julie’s pretty sure they’re holding hands, but it’s impossible to tell), with Reggie beside them and Flynn beside Julie. Luke is on her other side, bouncing his leg in anticipation.
“What did you say this was called again?” he asks.
“The Boyfriend Murders. It’s based on a book. Actually, it’s a book series, but this is only the first one.”
“What’s the book about?”
“What do you think?” she asks dryly. “Just watch. You’ll like it.”
-----
Luke totally likes the movie. He and the other guys seem a little freaked out when Terra’s boyfriend dies dramatically right at the beginning, but then they get genuinely invested in the twists and turns only a YA thriller can provide. It’s impossible not to get sucked into a good mystery.
And Julie can’t pretend she doesn’t shed a tear or two when her favorite side characters, Willa and Birdie, confess their feelings to each other right as the movie starts moving towards the climax, sharing an impassioned embrace.
“Oh,” Alex says softly. Julie leans forward to look at him and sees he’s absolutely riveted on the movie, eyes wide as the girls touch their foreheads together, laughing and crying all at once.
“I’m not going to let anything happen to you,” Willa says fiercely onscreen.
“They’re calling it ‘the boyfriend murders,’” Birdie replies with a laugh. “And we don’t need boyfriends.”
“No,” Willa agrees. “Not us.”
It’s one of her favorite parts in the first book, but she can’t take her eyes off of Alex. It hits her how much this must mean to him, to see two gay people loving each other like it’s the most natural thing in the world up on the big screen. She doesn’t know the details, but she knows it wasn’t particularly easy for him back when the band was first playing together. To see him now, snuggled up with the guy he’s almost definitely dating and watching a popular teen movie where two girls can be in love...well. It makes her cry as much as the movie itself.
She has a great moment of triumph as the credits start to roll after revealing a massive cliffhanger to set up the sequel, since she’s the only one who's read the books. There’s an outcry from the others in her group, and she gets to sit back and laugh at them while they demand answers, demand more content now.
“Guess you guys will have to read them,” she says loftily as she gets up and starts to walk out of the theater.
“Okay, I’m going to find your copy asap, it’s definitely somewhere in my room,” Flynn says. “What did you think Reggie?” Julie waits to serve her role as translator, but Reggie just takes her phone and starts typing. She moves closer and reads his message, cracking up. “You’re totally right, but obviously Vanessa Morgan was the hottest person in the movie.”
Huh.
Julie’s dad is picking her and Flynn up, so they wait around outside the theater together. Flynn and Reggie are still eagerly exchanging notes about the movie, so Julie sits and asks, “What did you guys think?”
“It was cool,” Luke admits. “It was a lot more action-y than I expected.”
“I really liked it,” Alex says quietly. “I didn’t...I wasn’t expecting those girls to get together.”
“It’s great, right?” Julie agrees. “They’re around more in the other two books.”
Alex turns his head suddenly, and Julie knows he’s listening to Willie. She imagines he probably felt the same way.
“Yeah,” he says after a moment. “I didn’t ever really see anything like that, when I was growing up. That was, uh. Really cool.”
“Yeah,” Flynn pipes up, coming over to Julie from where she and Reggie are sitting together. “I liked them too.” Julie doesn’t know why that makes her face feel hot, but it does. Flynn connecting to her favorite characters too just feels kind of special and kind of weird all at once.
“I think you’ll really like the books, then,” she says awkwardly.
Flynn bites her lip. The air feels different, somehow. Tense. Like suddenly, they’re all holding their breath.
“Reggie, come here,” she says, beckoning him over and frantically typing out something on her phone. He goes over to her and cranes his neck to read it, looking at her a moment before taking the phone and painstakingly typing something back. “Okay,” she exhales. “Okay.” She looks up at Julie, eyes wandering over roughly the area the boys are standing before returning to her. “So, uh, basically, Reggie and I have kind of figured some stuff out together, and we wanted to tell you all that...”
And it’s a true testament to how much time the two have been spending together that, even though Flynn can’t see or hear him, she and Reggie are perfectly in sync when they announce, “We’re both bisexual!” Flynn is doing jazz hands at Julie, and Reggie has gone for two thumbs up.
Julie’s barely even had time to process their words when Luke asks, “...What does that mean?”
“Oh, I gotcha bro,” Reggie says eagerly, turning to his boys and going over the finer points of bisexuality.
“Ahem,” Flynn coughs pointedly. Julie whirls back towards her. She’s still doing jazz hands, waiting.
“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry, there was some confusion with the guys so Reggie’s explaining,” Julie tells her. “I’m really glad you told us.”
Flynn smiles, dropping her pose and looking relieved.
“Me too. We haven’t been holding onto it that long, I swear, we just wanted to wait ‘til the time was right, you know?”
Julie nods. “Of course. We’d never hold that against you guys.” Julie thinks it over. “So you guys figured it out together?”
“Yeah,” Flynn says. “I’ve been catching Reggie up on all the shows and stuff that he missed while he was dead, and you know me, I can’t resist pointing out how hot I think the guys are in whatever I’m watching. So we’d keep a notepad between us, and we’d just like, swap notes on who we thought was the most attractive. And of course, I had to get him up to speed on One Direction, so we watched a bunch of their videos, and one day he just reaches out and writes, like, ‘Harry Styles is kind of cute.’ So obviously we talked about that, and we did a lot of googling, and we just kind of realized we both sort of felt that way. Like, anyone could be hot.”
Julie smiles. “That’s really great that you two had each other,” she says, and she really means it. Suddenly, so many things about Flynn and Reggie’s improbable romance make sense. “So, what, you guys spend most of your dates talking about how hot other people are?”
“Yeah,” Flynn shrugs, but she’s grinning. “It’s kind of perfect.”
“I think we should probably head home,” Julie hears Luke saying, and her stomach drops. She turns back to the guys.
“Oh! Yeah, totally,” Reggie agrees, looking a bit surprised but taking it in stride. “Willie, it was really good to see you, man.”
Willie probably responds, the others echoing their goodbyes to him, and Alex says, “Hey, I think I might actually stick with Willie for a bit. I’ll catch you later?” Luke nods stiffly.
“Yeah, have fun,” he says. He sounds distracted.
“Willie and Alex are gonna head out, and Luke and Reggie want to go home,” Julie dutifully reports back to Flynn.
“Oh, okay, cool. So they’re just gonna like...poof back to the studio while we wait for your dad?”
“I guess,” Julie says with a shrug. “Oh wait, that’s him now.” She sees Alex is still there and calls, “It was so nice to meet you Willie! I hope we, uh, see you again soon. Or don’t see you. Or—”
“Thanks Julie,” Alex says, cutting her off with a laugh. “I’m really glad you guys could meet too. Bye Flynn!” he adds, and then he and Willie are off on their own.
“I’ll see you back at home?” Julie asks Luke. He nods, and he’s gone before she can say anything else.
“So it’s just us?” Flynn asks. Reggie looks panicked suddenly, and he vanishes on the spot too. Julie laughs.
“Yeah, we’re alone now,” she tells Flynn.
Julie’s dad pulls up a moment later, smiling and asking how the movie was.
“It was so good. Julie criiiiiiied,” Flynn teases. Julie groans as her dad whips around in the driver’s seat, eyes full of concern.
“You cried? Everything okay?”
“Yeah dad,” she sighs, rolling her eyes at Flynn, who is loving this. “Everything’s fine. It’s just an emotional story.”
“You’re sweet,” her dad says, satisfied and turning back around in his seat so he can drive home. “You’ve always had the biggest heart.”
“She does,” Flynn agrees. Then she leans over and rests her head on Julie’s shoulder. It’s something they’ve done a thousand times before, so why can’t Julie breathe suddenly?
-----
They drop Flynn off on the way home, and Reggie pops over to her house basically as soon as he realizes she didn’t come back with Julie. Which is totally cool. Especially after everything that had gone down that day, they probably want to decompress, debrief, maybe continue the Big Time Rush marathon Flynn had apparently insisted on once she realized Reggie had such a weakness for boy bands. Luke is nowhere to be seen in the studio. Julie doesn’t totally get that, because she assumed he’d be hanging with Reggie. Dread pools in her chest as she looks around the studio to investigate.
“Luke?” she calls, trying not to raise her voice loud enough to raise suspicion from her dad. “Luke?” Nothing. “I don’t know why you’re being weird tonight, but cut it out.”
She pokes around a little longer and comes up with nothing. Frustrated, and increasingly concerned, she goes back into the house. There’s no sign of him in the kitchen or any of the other main areas of the house. She wonders if maybe he’d gone to see his parents, but she can’t imagine he’d be up for that when he’s already in a rough headspace. He always comes home from those visits looking gutted, eyes wet, and he won’t talk to any of them for hours.
All other options exhausted, Julie goes up to her room.
“Oh my god you scared me,” she says, jumping when she turns the light on and finds him curled up on the cushions by her window.
“Sorry,” he mumbles. He doesn’t sound sorry. She sighs.
“Okay. Let’s talk about it,” she says, shrugging off her jacket and sitting on the edge of her bed to face him.
“Do we have to?” he asks. He sounds so small.
“Yes,” she says, gentler. She can do patient. “You got all weird right after Flynn and Reggie talked to us back there. What’s that all about? I thought you were cool with Alex.”
Luke looks up at her, confused.
“Of course I am.”
“Well,” she says, trying to make her point as clear as she possibly can. “It kind of seemed like you weren’t so cool with Flynn and Reggie today.”
Luke sits up now, panicked.
“Oh my god, I totally don’t feel that way. Does Flynn think I feel that way? I guess she can’t even hear me. Oh man, does Reggie think I’m not cool with him?” He’s wide-eyed now, talking himself into freaking out more and more until Julie has to hold her hand up to pause him.
“Hey. I have no idea what Reggie thinks right now, but if you ditched him to come sulk in my room about something, he might not have taken that so well.”
“Damn,” Luke winces. He puts a hand to his forehead, rubbing at his temple and thinking this over. “I didn’t want that.”
“You can talk to him when he gets home. I’m sure he’ll understand.” Luke nods faintly. Julie scoots off the bed and down onto the pillows with him to meet him where he’s at. “Can you talk to me about it now?” she asks carefully. She doesn’t want to push Luke so hard he freezes up and vanishes on her, but she wants to get to the bottom of whatever’s bothering her boyfriend.
Luke sinks back into the cushions. Julie waits.
“I think I need time,” he says finally. “I’m sorry, I just need to figure some stuff out first.”
“Okay,” Julie says, heart dropping. Flynn and Reggie’s relationship is built on them figuring stuff out together. “I’ll give you space.”
She goes back out to the studio, unsure what else to do. She plunks on the piano, half-hearted, distracted in a way she hasn’t been while playing in awhile. It’s nagging at her, the way she and Luke just never seem quite on the same page these days.
She loves Luke. She knows she does. How can she not? He’s sweet and talented, funny and charming, and yeah, obviously he’s super cute, duh. She cares about him, and he cares about her too. Spending time with him usually feels so effortless, though it’s been feeling less and less that way lately. It used to be that they could talk to each other about anything. But now? Now Luke is holding onto the things that bother him, and Julie just feels weird and off and like she has no idea what she’s doing.
Alex poofs back into the studio suddenly, shaking Julie out of her thoughts. She can deal with them later.
“Heeeyyyy,” she says playfully. “How was your solo date after our fully stacked date?”
Alex laughs.
“It was good. Willie really liked you, he told me to tell you that since he couldn’t himself. He thinks you’re sweet.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” she says, brightening up at his words. “And I’m glad we didn’t scare him off.”
“Are you kidding? We had a great time. I can’t believe I have more gay friends than straight ones now,” he says happily. Julie doesn’t know why that makes her chest hurt, but she smiles through it.
“Yeah, that was quite an interesting development,” she agrees. She hesitates then, unsure if she should say what she wants to say. But Alex has known Luke far longer than her, and she’s desperate to just fix whatever’s wrong with him. “Luke’s been acting kinda funny since we got home.” Alex frowns.
“He has? Is he like...”
“I don’t think he has a problem with Reggie liking guys,” Julie assures him quickly. “I think I’ve crossed that one off the list.” Alex exhales, nodding. He looks relieved, and Julie feels bad for even putting the thought in his head.
“I don’t know,” Alex says after a moment, and Julie’s shoulders slump. “He’s been acting weird a lot lately.”
“I think we’ve—he’s been taking Flynn and Reggie’s relationship kind of hard. It’s just different, he needs time to adjust to not having Reggie’s attention all the time.”
“Just Luke?” he asks.
“What?”
“Come on, Julie. I see you. I know you’re having a weird time with them too.” Julie groans.
“I didn’t think I was being obvious,” she says. He comes and sits beside her on the piano bench. Julie wonders if science has looked into Emotional Support Ghosts, because Alex’s presence is instantly reassuring.
“I know you love Flynn—”
“What?” Julie asks quickly, heart hammering.
“—she’s your best friend,” Alex continues. Of course. Julie yells at her heart to chill out. “But you have to trust her, you know? She loves you too, and she’s not going to let a new relationship come between you guys. I know she won’t.”
“You’re right,” Julie agrees. “I know that, in theory. But it’s hard,” she admits.
“It’s okay,” Alex tells her, and his smile is so earnest that she believes him. “And if I’m being really honest with you, I don’t think they’re gonna last forever anyway,” he adds as he gets up from the piano.
“You really think so?” she asks him. She doesn’t like that she sounds hopeful. She’s never thought of herself as a mean-spirited person, but what other reason is there for secretly hoping your best friend and her boyfriend break up?
“Mmmhmm,” he confirms with a nod. “I really think they’re enjoying what they have now, but they’re going to eventually want more than they can have with each other. And I think they both know that.”
“Maybe,” Julie says, lost in thought all over again.
She hasn’t ever let herself think concretely about the possibility of her and Luke breaking up. There’s just too much fallout to consider. The guys love her, she knows, but Luke is their boy, and they’ll choose him over her if they have to. And then where does that leave the band? Not to mention that it would mean losing one of her favorite people in the world, her shoulder to cry on, the person she loves talking with, making music with, just exploring the far reaches of her creativity with. She can’t stand the idea of life without Luke. Sure, people say they want to still be friends after they split up, but Julie knows how those things always go; she’s seen movies. It just doesn’t work. Will Flynn and Reggie’s apparently inevitable breakup be just as devastating?
“Hey,” Alex calls. “Don’t overthink it. Just let yourself feel what you’re feeling. Luke will come around.”
“Thanks Alex. You’re a good friend.”
“I know,” he says cheekily, but he looks pleased all the same.
-----
The next few days don’t feel great. Julie and Flynn are thankfully too busy with school to be around the boys and their weird energy much, but Julie’s pretty sure Luke isn’t talking to anyone, even about unimportant stuff. She asks Alex the day after the movie theater incident, who says he hasn’t even seen Luke since the movies, and Reggie’s barely speaking much himself. Their next band practice isn’t scheduled ‘til the end of the week, so there’s not even an excuse to get everyone in the same room and sort this out.
Flynn is at least able to reassure her that Reggie is talking to her, but Julie’s not sure that makes her feel any better.
She finally catches a break when she gets home from school three days after the triple date and finds Luke in her room again. He looks miserable, and even though she’s mad at him, she can’t help but soften when she sees him. He looks like he needs a hug more than anything in the world.
“You’ve got a lot of explaining to do,” she says gently.
“I know,” he says, like it’s a confession. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Jules, I know I’ve been kind of a mess this week.”
“You have,” she agrees. She learned that move from Flynn. “But I care about you. I want to help you, not yell at you.” That one she got from her dad.
“You have every right to yell at me” Luke mumbles.
“Well, I don’t want to.”
Luke shakes his head, looking at her in wonder.
“You’re really something, you know that Julie? I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone as good as you.”
“You know Alex,” she says, blushing.
“And I know you. I mean it Julie. You’re the best.” Only Luke could get away with saying things like that and really, sincerely meaning them.
“So talk to me,” she coaxes. Luke sighs, sitting down on the edge of her bed with his back to her. She sits down too. Doesn’t make him turn around and face her.
“You’ve probably already figured this much out, but Reggie and Flynn coming out kinda sent me into a tailspin,” he starts. Julie nods, even though he can’t see. “But I’m not—I don’t have an issue with it, I swear.”
“I believe you,” she promises.
“Good,” he says, sounding choked. “Uh.” He laughs, nervous. Julie reaches out and takes his hand, and finds that she can actually mostly hold onto him today. “There’s a lot of things I haven’t told you about my life, before everything. Most of it isn’t important, and I didn’t think this thing was important either, but it turns out it might be.”
“What?” He takes a deep breath.
“Back in the early days of Sunset Curve, when we were just kind of getting started, I was, like...I had...something. With a guy.”
Oh.
“We weren’t dating,” Luke continues quickly. “It wasn’t anything official, it wasn’t really anything, but we...I liked him, and he liked me too, so sometimes. We were something.” Julie is holding her breath, scared that if she makes any sudden movements, Luke will stop talking and go back into hiding. “But obviously, I like girls, so I seriously just thought it was like, some random thing, I don’t know. I didn’t really think a lot about it.” She waits, but he doesn’t say anything else.
“But now you’re thinking about it,” she supplies.
“Yeah. Ever since those guys told us they were, uh...” he falters.
“Bisexual,” she says helpfully.
“Yeah, that. And like, wrapping my head around the fact that Alex is gay and Reggie isn’t straight, I mean, what are the odds of that, right?” he asks. Julie hides her laugh because Luke sounds genuinely worked up, but it’s also kind of cute. “It’s like I put that time and those feelings and that relationship, or whatever it was, in a box, and I closed it up and forgot about it. And then Flynn and Reggie came and opened the box back up and now I have to actually think about it and deal with it.”
“Well I’m glad,” Julie says honestly. “I don’t want you to box yourself up.” She nudges him to turn around and look at her, finally, because she needs him to see how much she means it when she tells him, “I want you to be so, so happy, Luke. I don’t care if you might like guys too, you have to know I don’t care.” Luke’s crying, and then Julie’s crying, and then they’re both crying and she isn’t sure who reaches out for a hug first.
“I meant it, Jules. The best,” he mumbles into her hair as he hugs her. She holds him a little tighter.
“I’m glad you told me,” she says. “I’m really, really glad.” She sits up properly, swinging her legs around so she and Luke are on the same side.
“I’ve literally never told anyone about that, not even the guys.”
“You never thought about talking to Alex?” Luke shrugs.
“It didn’t seem totally fair to him? Alex was so honest with us, right from the beginning. He trusted us, and I felt bad that I couldn’t be like that too. Plus it seemed messed up to go to him with my gay crisis when he had his own stuff going down with his parents and everything, and besides, like I said, I didn’t even really know what was going on with me anyway.”
“I guess that makes sense,” Julie muses. “I can’t imagine what it was like for Alex to be, like, the only gay person any of you knew. Obviously we’re nowhere near perfect now, but I know gay people at my school and it’s not a huge deal. And Nick has two dads, which is cool. And Carrie’s dad is gay—” she halts in the middle of her thought, about ten things slotting into place at once. She jumps up from the bed. “OH MY GOD.”
Luke holds up his hands in surrender, eyes wide. “I didn’t—”
“YOU DATED CARRIE’S DAD?” she hisses in the loudest, most intense whisper she can manage. Best not to alert her dad that she’s talking to no one in the middle of some very important information.
“We weren’t dating!” Luke insists, and Julie allows herself a closed-mouth scream because that was as good as a confession.
“Oh my god. Oh my god,” she repeats, pacing a lap around her room. “This is crazy. This is crazy.”
“Yeah, it’s not great,” Luke agrees, and all the wind goes out of Julie’s sails when she remembers how that story ended.
“Oh Luke,” she says, going back to sit with him. “All the stuff with your music must have been extra hard for you. I’m so sorry.”
Luke shrugs. “It pretty much sucks,” he agrees. “I guess whatever we had, it didn’t actually mean anything to him if he just turned around and did that.” Julie shakes her head.
“We have no idea why he did what he did. I know he hurt you. But you are so loved, I promise. Reggie, Alex, Flynn. Me. We love you, okay? No matter what.” Luke is worrying his bottom lip, eyes a bit distant in thought, but he nods at her words.
“I love you all too.”
“No pressure at all, but do you think you’re gonna talk to the guys about this at some point? Like, you don’t have to until you want to, of course, but. The conversation’s already kind of open, right? And I think Reggie’s been a little sad he hasn’t heard from you since he came out.” Luke deflates, so Julie tries another approach. “I think Reggie would be so happy to know that he helped you figure some stuff out for yourself too.”
“Yeah?” Luke asks hopefully.
“Totally. He misses you. I know he does. We all do.”
“Sorry,” Luke says, apologizing again.
“I know you are. But tell the others that, okay? They’ll understand. They’re more worried about you than anything.” Luke is quiet for a minute.
“You said Carrie’s dad was gay,” he says, clearly choosing his words carefully. “Does he just like, tell people now?”
“Uhhhh, kind of,” Julie hedges, because the exact circumstances of Trevor Wilson getting outed in the press are probably not what Luke needs to hear right now. Julie doesn’t love thinking about it either; she still remembers Carrie kicking her out of her house when the news broke. She was never invited back. Carrie stayed home from school for a full two weeks while she and her dad laid low, and when she came back, she didn’t want anything to do with Julie, or anyone else.
“So he is gay,” Luke continues, more thinking-out-loud than conversation. “So that. We. That was actually something.”
“How do you feel about that?” she asks.
“It’s a lot,” he admits, which she’s actually taking as a good sign because that’s far more open than he’s been all week. “But I think I’ll get there. It’s just hard to have this concept of yourself and realize you’ve been totally wrong. Like, how can you not know yourself?”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself. Flynn and Reggie only just got there, and I’m sure it took Alex some time too. There’s nothing wrong with you.” He looks up at her at that, looking wrecked, so she repeats, “Nothing.”
“You’re so good at this,” he says in awe. “Like, I like to think I’m a good friend, but you’re on a whole other level.”
She shrugs, pleased with the praise. “It’s a gift.”
“I think I’ll talk to the guys in a bit. I just want to think it over first.”
“Of course. Do you want to watch another episode of Queer Eye now that you can admit the guys are cute?”
Luke laughs, grins at her, and whatever warmth has been missing between them comes rushing back all at once.
“Yes please.”
They readjust so they can lie back together, and Julie balances her computer on her stomach so they can both see. It feels so nice to just be able to hang out with Luke again, just the two of them, easy and without the expectation of An Official Date hanging over them. They can just be. It’s when she likes Luke best, honestly, when the two of them can just laugh together and enjoy each other’s company. She starts the episode, and they settle in.
-----
By the time band practice rolls around on Friday, things are much better. Luke hasn’t told the others everything he’d told Julie, but he has at least made up with Reggie and is hanging out with them all again, which is a huge improvement. He seems happier than he’s been in a long time, and it really just feels good to see him smiling.
“I think I might tell them, tonight,” he tells her casually as he messes with his guitar. It definitely doesn’t need tuning—in fact, she thinks she’s already seen him tune it twice today—but she doesn’t call him on it. Sometimes he just needs to be able to nervously mess with something in order to speak.
“Yeah? How are you feeling about that?”
“Uh, a little freaked,” he admits with a laugh. “Which is so dumb, I mean, you’re the only straight person left in this band so I know there’s not gonna be a problem, but I still have this stupid mental block about it.” There’s no reason his words should make her defensive, but they kind of do. She pushes it down, telling herself she’ll deal with the feeling later.
She’s been doing that a lot lately.
“It’s okay to be nervous,” she tells him instead. “I’ll be right there with you, I promise.”
“Thanks,” he says, smiling. “I really don’t think I could have done any of this without you.”
“I’m proud of you.”
“Proud of what?” Alex asks as he appears in the studio. Luke jumps.
“Uhhhh proud of the awesome song I just showed her,” he covers lamely. Julie suppresses a groan.
“Can’t wait to hear it,” Alex says. “Reggie’s not here yet?”
“Nope, haven’t seen him,” Luke says lightly, like that fact isn’t driving him crazy.
“Probably with Flynn,” Julie offers, and the guys agree.
“Think she’s coming to practice again?” Alex adds. Julie nods.
“I don’t see why she wouldn’t, it’s one of the only times she gets to even see him, she wouldn’t miss it.”
As if on cue, Flynn pushes the heavy doors open, and Reggie pops in right after her.
“Hey guys,” Flynn calls happily. “How’s it going Jules?” She comes right over to where Julie’s sitting and joins her, so close their sides are touching. Julie feels her heart in her throat. It feels like forever since Flynn’s paid more attention to her than Reggie at band practice. And she knows it won’t last, but god, it feels good now.
“Pretty good. Better now that I have all my friends around me.”
“Awwww,” Flynn coos, scrunching up her nose and bumping her head against Julie’s shoulder affectionately. “You’re cute.”
“You’re cute too,” Julie replies immediately, then feels like a total fool. Flynn snorts, but she doesn’t make fun of her, just pats her arm and scoots a little closer. When she looks up, she sees Reggie resting his chin on Luke’s shoulder, peering over him and smiling at the two of them fondly. Luke is looking at him from the corner of his eye, grinning at Reggie hanging all over him again for once. It warms Julie’s heart, seeing the two of them like they used to be before Reggie got involved with Flynn. Neither of them seems in a hurry to move.
“How was your day Reggie?” she asks him. It’s only polite. And it’s hard to feel anything but goodwill when Flynn is cuddled up against her side.
“Good. Really good,” he tells her. Suddenly, she’s a little suspicious of how affectionate Flynn is being, how cheerful Reggie is.
“What’s going on...” she asks cautiously, sitting up a little straighter.
“What? Nothing!” Flynn says. “It was just a good day. And you’re my best friend! I want to share my good days with you.”
“Okay...” Julie’s not really convinced. Reggie is babbling something, stumbling over the words in his haste to get them out, but it’s like all of Julie’s senses have narrowed in on the way Flynn feels next to her, how warm she is, how she’s tracing her nails lightly over the back of Julie’s hand. “Well, if everyone’s here, we should probably get started,” she says, getting up and joining the guys. She can’t look at Flynn right now. She just can’t.
They get through one of Luke’s newest songs for the first time, which is always exciting, and by the time they’re done playing Julie’s shaken off any lingering weirdness from earlier in favor of the satisfaction of a job well done. Flynn is loving it, always a responsive audience member, and there’s something about performing for someone, especially someone she loves, that just makes her better.
“That was great guys,” she says happily, breathless at the end of their last runthrough of the song. “I think we can probably call it for the night, if you guys feel good.”
“Actually—” Julie looks up, expecting Luke but surprised to see Reggie had spoken instead, a hand half-raised like he’s waiting to be called on by the teacher. “I kind of had something to say.” He glances at Flynn, realizing he’s already gone out of her sight. “Hang on.” He looks around, then grabs a pen off the table and taps Flynn on the shoulder with it. She startles at the touch.
“Reggie?” she asks once she’s recovered from the surprise. He taps her with the pen again. “I have no idea if that’s a yes or a no.” He taps her more insistently, and she sighs. “Okay, one tap for yes you are Reggie, two for no, yeah?” Reggie taps her shoulder once. “Cool.” She turns towards the pen, and it’s sort of amazing to see the way Reggie crouches perfectly so she can whisper in his ear without her even seeing to be sure. She says something Julie can’t hear, and then there’s some more pen tapping, and then they’re both turning to face the others.
“Reggie and I have decided to break up,” Flynn announces, hands folded in front of her like she’s giving a press conference or something. “We’re still friends and there’s no bad blood, but we feel like we’ve gotten what we wanted out of this and we’re ready to move on.”
“We wanted to tell you guys together so everyone was on the same page, and so you’d see that we’re totally cool,” Reggie adds.
There’s an awkward pause.
“Did Reggie say his thing?” Flynn asks. When it’s clear neither Julie nor Luke is going to answer, Alex hits the crash cymbal. One tap for yes. “Okay good. So, yeah,” she finishes lamely. “We hope this doesn’t make stuff weird with you guys, but we really think it’s what’s best for both of us.”
“I think that’s really mature of you two” Alex pipes up from behind his drums.
“Weird with us?” Luke asks incredulously, echoing Julie’s thoughts exactly. “Don’t you mean weird with you? How did you sit through this whole practice as exes and not feel weird about it?”
Reggie and Flynn shrug almost in unison. It’s bizarre.
“I really think we’re gonna be okay,” Reggie says honestly.
“Neither of us ever really thought this was a forever thing, you know? We always said, it was just for fun. We had fun, and now we’re ready to move on. But that doesn’t mean we can’t still have fun as friends,” Flynn tells them. Julie feels like her brain is trying to work through a heavy fog.
“You can’t just break up romantically but keep a relationship,” Julie says.
“Why not?” Flynn asks.
Julie doesn’t know what to say.
“Because...because...” To her horror, Julie feels her throat getting tight, her eyes a little misty.
“Jules, what’s wrong?” Flynn asks, sounding genuinely concerned. She moves toward Julie, but Julie shakes her head.
“I just need a minute. From everyone” she manages to choke out. Then she turns on her heel and goes up to her room as quickly as she can without running away.
She throws herself onto her bed the moment she gets there, but she doesn’t even get a satisfying cry out of it because she can’t stop thinking.
From the moment she and Luke realized they liked each other as more than bandmates, more than friends, she’d thought that was it for them. There’s no coming back from that. Once they crossed that line into romance territory, that was that. As she saw it, her options were dating Luke, or losing Luke. The latter was unthinkable, so the former was the only possible choice. And she was happy with him; it wasn’t like dating him was a hardship. He’s fun to be with, nice to look at. The total package, Flynn would say.
Flynn.
Think about it later. Julie’s always telling herself to put her feelings off, to think about them later. She doesn’t have to think too closely about Flynn. She doesn’t have to think too closely about everyone coming out. She doesn’t have to think too closely about her relationship with Luke. Except now that she’s seen two people who spend all their time together, two people she cares about, split up like it’s no big deal? Now she has to think about all of it. And it all boils down to the same, unthinkable thought:
She loves Luke. But she’s not in love with him.
The crying does come, then, once the thought has entered her mind. It feels like maybe she’s been waiting to think it for awhile, and that makes her cry even more.
“Hey Julie?” a voice asks gently. Julie looks up from where her face is buried in her pillows, wiping her tears away. It’s Alex. He looks worried, but he’s keeping his distance from her, like he wants her to know he’ll back off and leave if she wants him to. She’s grateful for it, and maybe it’s the fact that he gave her space in the first place that makes her invite him into it.
“Hey,” she says, pathetic to even her own ears. “Did you draw the short straw?”
“No,” he says, always earnest. “I wanted to come. The others wanted me to come here too. Flynn and Reggie thought it might be a bad idea for either of them to check on you, and Luke gets freaked out by people crying. Which is hilarious considering he’s such a crier.”
“He totally is,” she laughs through her tears. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be.” He comes and sits on the edge of the bed next to her. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is it about Flynn?” Alex asks carefully. Julie nods, not trusting her voice. “Are you upset she and Reggie broke up?” She hesitates, then shakes her head. “Julie, whatever it is, it’s gonna be okay. I know it will.”
“I’m not so sure,” she tells him. “The truth is, I’m relieved. Isn’t that horrible? I shouldn’t feel that way about my best friend.”
“You care about her. You’ve been stressed that this was going to end badly, and it didn’t, and you’re happy about that. I don’t think that makes you a bad person.”
“I guess.” She can’t focus on any one thing, there are too many thoughts spinning around in her brain. She wants Luke, because Luke makes her feel safe, except he’s the person she wants to talk to about this the least. She wants Flynn, because she trusts Flynn more than anyone, except she doesn’t know if she can handle being alone with Flynn right now.
“We all want you to be happy. You know that, right?”
“I don’t know what’s gonna make me happy right now,” Julie says, but even as she says it, she knows it’s not the truth. She knows in her heart what she wants. She’s been trying to run from it for weeks, maybe longer, but it caught up with her after all.
“I think you should talk to Luke,” Alex tells her. “Maybe not right now, but soon.” Julie nods, wiping her eyes.
“You’re right,” she says. “It’s just so hard.” He gives her a sympathetic smile.
“I’m gonna go, cause it seems like you have a lot to think about,” he says.
“Wait!” Alex pauses. “You knew Flynn and Reggie were gonna break up. You told me the other day that you saw it coming.” Alex is just looking at her, his expression betraying nothing. “What did you think would happen to me and Luke?”
“Talk to him,” Alex repeats, and then he vanishes, leaving Julie alone.
-----
Flynn is already waiting by her locker the next day at school when Julie arrives. There’s a few emotions fighting for first place inside her, but guilt wins out. She doesn’t love that.
“Hey,” she says, opening her locker and throwing the books she’ll need for the first half of the day into her bag.
“Hey,” Flynn repeats. “How are you doing today?”
“Fine,” she tells her. When she closes her locker, Flynn has an eyebrow quirked at her, though the concern is still there too. She should have known better than to try and trick Flynn into thinking she’s okay when she isn’t; Flynn never falls for that. “I’m going to be fine,” she amends.
“I wish you’d let me help,” Flynn says. She holds out her arms and, guilty or not, Julie falls into the hug easily. She needs it.
“How are you doing?” Julie deflects. “You’re going through a break up, don’t you need ice cream or something?” Flynn laughs.
“We said yesterday, it was a totally mutual thing. And it’s not like I can’t ever hang out with him again, I didn’t lose him, we’re just not going out anymore. Not like we were really really dating anyway, it’s not like we could hold hands or kiss or anything. We were basically just bffs that thought the other person was really cute. That’s not dating.” It’s like Flynn had reached into Julie’s brain and picked out the exact things to say that would get to her the most.
“That’s good,” she says softly. “We should probably go to class.”
Flynn still looks worried, but she follows Julie down the hall.
It turns out even music class can’t totally fix everything going haywire in her brain, but it’s a start. She relaxes into playing after a minute, and if she can’t forget about everything, she can at least channel it into her music. Mrs. Harrison even comments on her energy, applauding her passion.
She and Flynn have separate classes after their morning session is over, which helps in some ways and totally doesn’t in others. Mostly, Julie can’t stop thinking about what Flynn’s doing instead, about the space she isn’t occupying in the classroom, the space she is occupying in Julie’s mind. She’s dizzy by the time the bell rings.
“I told the guys,” greets her as she rounds the corner out of class. Julie blinks in surprise, shaking her head to refocus and process that Luke is standing in front of her.
“It’s like you want me to look crazy,” she sighs as she pops in the earbud with the mic attached. Luke still has not processed this technology, but at least her classmates will accept she’s on the phone. “What did you say?”
“I told them, about Bobby, about everything,” he says all in a rush.
“Oh! How did that go?” she asks him, heartbeat kicking into full speed.
“Really, really good,” he says. He looks happy, she realizes. In spite of everything she’s dealing with, she’s suddenly happy too.
“Luke, I’m so proud of you, that’s amazing,” she tells him.
“I mean, obviously I knew they weren’t going to suddenly hate gay people just because I joined their club, but still, it was really nice to hear it from them.”
“Of course.”
“Sorry, I know you’re busy here, I just, I wanted to tell you as soon as I could,” he says sheepishly.
“I’m glad you did.”
“How, uh. How are you doing?” he asks, like he’s just remembered the events of the previous night. Julie’s not even mad about it, because goodness knows she doesn’t want to talk about it here, in the middle of the hall during passing period.
“I’m okay. Better now that I’ve had some piano time.”
“Do you wanna hang out? After school?” he asks. He sounds almost anxious, like he’s asking her out for the first time and isn’t sure she’s going to say yes. It’s sweet, if weird.
“Sure. Wanna go to the beach?”
“Sounds good. I guess I’ll meet you there?”
“Okay. I’ll see you then. I have to go now, I’m dead if I’m late again.”
“Hey, there’s worse things to be,” he shrugs, and she laughs.
“Bye, Luke,” she says, pulling the earbud out as she walks away. “Okay, Alex,” she says under her breath. “You told me to talk to him. I’m gonna talk to him.” She glances up and realizes the guy walking past her in the other direction is staring at her talking to herself. “Seriously?” she yells, to no one in particular.
-----
After a lot of pouting from Flynn about her going to hang out with Luke afterschool instead of her, Julie makes it to the beach. Luke is already there, looking extremely pleased where he’s perched sunbathing on a vacant table.
“Hey,” she calls. He looks in her direction and beams. She goes and sits at the table, propping her phone up against her bag so she can look like she’s facetiming someone if anyone’s really paying attention. “How was your day?”
“Pretty good. Really good, actually. Have you heard of One Direction?”
Julie gives him a look.
“Yes, Luke. I’ve heard of One Direction.”
They opt to go for a walk along the shore after chatting for a bit. Julie slings her bag over her shoulder and makes her way to the water’s edge, focusing on the crashing waves so she can center herself for the conversation she knows they need to have.
“I never get used to how pretty this is,” Luke says. He’s looking out at the ocean too. “I missed this, when I was dead. Before you brought us back.”
“I can’t imagine,” she tells him. “I’d go crazy in the dark like that. No wonder Alex cried the whole time.”
“It could have been worse, I guess. At least I had the two of them. But yeah, it wasn’t great.”
They’re quiet when they reach the shoreline. Julie walks right in to her ankles, letting the waves wash over her as she continues down the beach with Luke.
“I’m really glad I got you guys out of there. Wherever ‘there’ was,” she tells him. “Not just because I hate thinking of you guys there, but because I’m so glad I know you. I was...I was doing bad when you guys came into my life. And I know you already know that, but it’s worth repeating. You guys kind of saved me too.” She looks up and sees Luke looking back at her, listening. “And I’m glad I could help you guys get your music back out there, your way. I’m happy we’re doing it together.”
“Julie—”
“I’m not done.” Luke closes his mouth. “Being with you is what I wanted, almost as soon as I met you. You were so warm, and exciting, and you made me fall in love with music again. I can’t ever thank you enough for doing that.” Shoot, she’d really hoped she could make it through this without crying, but apparently, that’s not in the cards.
“You don’t have to thank me for anything, Jules, I’m just so glad I was there for you,” he says quickly, like maybe if he reassures her fast enough she won’t cry. Same old Luke. She loves him for it.
“I love spending time with you. I love getting to know little things about you, what your favorite bands were back in high school and your favorite dinner your dad would make. And I love sharing my favorite things with you too. You’re an amazing person, Luke.”
“But,” he says warily. He knows her too well.
“Flynn and Reggie breaking up really freaked me out. They’re two people that I, that I love,” she manages. “I didn’t want to lose either of them. And I know I wasn’t crazy about them dating at the time, but I realized in that moment that I didn’t want them to lose each other, either.”
“It scared me too,” Luke confesses. Julie stops in her tracks and looks at him again.
“Really?”
“I think...I put so much energy into feeling weird about them dating, and then once they weren’t anymore...I guess I had to deal with why.”
Julie’s crying a little again, but she’s laughing too. She doesn’t care how insane she must look if any beachgoers see her. Once again, she and Luke understand each other completely.
Maybe this is going to be okay.
“I feel exactly the same way,” she tells him. She wishes more than anything in the world that she could hug him right now.
“Wow. We could have talked about this ages ago, huh?” he says, and she cracks up all over again.
“You get me, Luke. And I get you. We’re perfect for each other,” she laughs.
“Just not like that,” he agrees, and he’s smiling too. Julie feels lighter than she’s felt in a very long time.
“I want to be your friend always,” she tells him sincerely. “I love you. And I was so terrified of losing you that I thought I had to keep you as my boyfriend to keep you at all.”
“I can’t believe Flynn and Reggie turned out to be smarter at feelings than us. We can never tell them.”
“Oh, absolutely not,” Julie agrees. “Flynn would never let it go.”
Ah. Right. There was more Julie needed to get off her chest.
“There’s something else,” she tells him.
“Fire away,” he says breezily. “We’ve already gotten the hardest stuff out of the way.”
“You would think,” Julie laughs nervously.
“Jules, you can tell me anything, I swear.”
“I like Flynn.”
And there. It’s out now, no takebacks. A week ago, even a few days ago, she’d barely let herself think those words, much less say them out loud. But they’re the truth. They’ve been the truth for awhile. Maybe longer than she’s even ready to truly think about.
“Oh.” Luke tilts his head, and she can see him running the mental math on that one. Then, his eyes light up, and he throws his arms up in the air in victory. “We filled the roster!”
“Oh my god,” Julie says, rolling her eyes.
“Jules this is unprecedented!” he’s yelling. “The world’s first all-gay mostly-ghost band!”
“We have no way of knowing if that’s actually true,” she says. She feels so calm that it’s freaking her out.
“Also, I guess if we’re being honest, I kinda realized I have feelings for Reggie, like, a week ago.”
Now that takes her a minute to process.
“I kind of can’t believe I didn’t see that coming,” she says. “So all that time we were mad about Flynn and Reggie—”
“Yeah...” Luke agrees. “It’s funny, if you think about it.”
“I guess.” She’s still thinking all of this over. They’ve just had so many major revelations all in a row, and while it’s been pretty much exclusively good news, she’s still feeling overwhelmed. “Do you think you’re gonna tell him?”
Luke makes a sound approximately like a cat being dropped on a piano.
“I don’t even, he doesn’t, even if,” he sputters. “Are you gonna tell Flynn?”
“Probably not,” Julie admits. “She just broke up with Reggie, who she literally told me was basically just a best friend who thought she was pretty. So what does that make me?”
“But you’re a person,” Luke says, like it’s obvious. “You could actually date her. You have the major advantage of being able to talk to and be seen by her.”
“Maybe.” She shrugs. “I don’t know. Just because she likes girls doesn’t mean she likes me.”
“Yeah,” Luke agrees, and Julie knows he isn’t talking about Flynn.
“Hey. we don’t have to do anything about it right now, okay? We did something big today, and I’m proud of us.”
“Me too,” he says.
They spend another hour out together before deciding to go home. It turns out the beach is a lot more fun as just friends.
-----
Obviously Alex had been pretty unsurprised when he found out Luke and Julie had broken up, but Reggie and Flynn had taken it as a shock. Which is kind of satisfying after her own reaction to their split. She knows for a fact that Reggie had pulled Luke aside and told him he was always there for him if he needed to talk about it. Julie knows this because Luke had told her about it in a daze, until Julie had laughed at him for being so sappy about Reggie thinking Julie had broken his heart.
“It means he cares!” Luke had countered, which only made Julie laugh harder.
“Of course he does, you knew that already.”
Flynn’s reaction is a bit harder for Julie to pin down. She seems less eager to talk about it and more interested in pretending they’re both going through an Actually Difficult Break Up, pulling out cheesy movies to binge when they hang out and constantly taking what she’s been calling “power selfies” together to show that they’re living their best lives. Julie’s definitely not going to complain about their increased time together. And sometimes, if she sleeps over and they’re watching something late at night, Flynn will cuddle right up next to her, clingy and affectionate as ever. Maybe more.
Nothing tangibly changes with her and Flynn after Julie finally admits to herself that she has feelings for her, but she feels different all the same. No, she doesn’t get tongue tied or awkward when they’re together; they’ve been best friends for too long for Julie to forget how to be around her. But suddenly, having Flynn’s eyes on her is the most important, exciting thing in the world. Making Flynn laugh becomes a goal, a highlight of the day when she’s successful. And now that she and Reggie have broken up, Flynn has turned all her attention onto Julie again.
“Your dad already told me I’m staying for dinner,” she greets Julie one day as she walks into her room.
“What if I had plans?” Julie asks. She doesn’t, but it’s the principle of the thing.
“Without me? Please.” Flynn makes herself at home right away, throwing herself onto the bed and pulling out her computer. “I was thinking we’d resume our Glee marathon tonight?”
“Alright,” Julie agrees. It’s trash, but it’s musical trash, and she’s not going to pretend she doesn’t care about the characters at least a little. She sits up next to Flynn, overly aware of all the places where they’re touching, their arms, their knees. Flynn’s left leg is overlapping Julie’s right haphazardly, and once she realizes this, she can’t stop noticing it. She watches Flynn as she pulls up the show and figures out what episode they’d left off on.
“What?” Flynn asks, and Julie averts her eyes quickly.
“Nothing.”
“No, it’s fine,” Flynn says. She’s looking at Julie now instead of her computer. When Julie doesn’t answer, she reaches out and boops her on the nose. “Hey. Jules.” Julie can’t help but turn then, smiling back at Flynn. “There’s that smile,” she coos, leaning forward and brushing their noses together affectionately. Julie’s heart almost stops.
“Uh, Glee?” she asks weakly. Flynn pulls back, her eyes lingering on Julie a moment before she nods and settles back into a movie-watching position.
So. Maybe Julie’s going a little crazy.
“You should write her another song,” Luke tells her after another afternoon of Julie venting about how impossible it is to have such a huge crush on someone you spend so much time with. “To tell her how you feel.”
“Are you writing one for Reggie?” she teases. He makes this too easy, honestly.
“I already...did that,” he says, trailing off when the implications of that hit him. “Okay, in my defense,” he starts when he sees the look on Julie’s face. “I didn’t even know I liked him back then.”
“You really only have the one move, huh?”
Luke pouts.
“Music is the only way I can make sense of my feelings, sometimes. If I can sing it, I can say it.”
“And I wrote ‘Flying Solo’ way before I even thought about liking girls, so the joke’s on me anyway,” Julie sighs. “I don’t know, Luke. I kind of feel like I should just leave it. If Flynn was actually interested in me, I would know by now.”
“Like she knows about you?” Luke asks, eyebrow raised. And, okay, he makes a good point, but she doesn’t want to admit it.
“Whatever,” she says instead. “We should get ready, it’s date night.”
Somehow, even after the absolute chaos of their first group outing, not to mention the fact that two members of their party couldn’t even see him, Willie had enjoyed hanging out with them. Two of the three relationships from triple date night hadn’t survived, but Alex and Willie appear to be doing better than ever if Alex’s mood is any indicator, and they’d all agreed there was no real reason they couldn't all hang out as friends. This time, they’re all cramming into Julie’s living room to watch a movie instead of trying their luck at taking over a movie theater row without incident a second time. Her dad and Carlos are out for the night at some event at Carlos’ school, and she’d convinced her dad to let her have Flynn over for company instead of Aunt Victoria. He’d seemed reluctant leaving her, like he was worried about her being lonely without him and her brother, and she couldn’t exactly explain that they’re about to have a full house of ghosts to keep her company.
She’s got the living room mostly presentable and under control with all of Flynn’s favorite movie snacks when Alex poofs into the room.
“Hey guys!” he says happily. “Uh, Willie’s here, Julie, sorry you can’t really talk to him.”
“It’s cool,” she answers brightly. “Hey Willie! How’s it going?” She waits for Alex to translate, but then she watches as a pen hovers upright a moment, scratching over a notepad on the table before collapsing again. Grinning, she grabs the note.
Not bad! Thanks for having me :D
“Thanks for coming,” she tells him, hopefully pointed vaguely in the right direction but probably completely missing him.
“Hello hello! Any spooky guys in the house?” a voice calls as the door bangs open. Flynn’s in the room a moment later, loud patterned clothes to match her loud everything else. Even if there weren’t ghosts in the room, the house could never feel empty with Flynn there.
“Yeah,” Julie tells her. “Alex and Willie and Luke are all here, we’re just waiting on—”
“Hey Reggie,” Flynn laughs. Julie looks around and sees Reggie has entered the room too, holding a Post-It note with his name written in all caps to indicate his presence to Flynn. “Why can’t the rest of you be as polite as this boy!” she adds to the other ghosts in the room, who are totally giving Reggie a hard time but also enjoying Flynn’s increased awareness. “No wonder I dated him and not the rest of you.”
“I meaaaaaan,” Alex starts, then cuts off and grins in Willie’s direction. “No, I would have chosen you over Flynn no matter what,” he says, voice softer. Julie flushes and turns away. She feels like she’s intruding.
“What are we watching?” Luke asks. He’s perched on the kitchen counter; he’d really taken it to heart when he read some memes over Julie’s shoulder about how gay people don’t sit in chairs properly.
“Well I thought you guys could pick, since Flynn and I picked last time.” The ‘and I’ is generous considering how much Flynn had steered their last moviegoing experience, but Julie’s usually pretty easy going about things like this. She’s mostly just excited to spend time with all her friends and actually enjoy it this time around.
“Aw, come on Jules, I have the best taste in this room and you know it,” Flynn protests.
“It’s their turn,” Julie insists, so she doesn’t have to think about how hard it aches to hear Flynn say she has the best taste when she doesn’t want Julie.
Flynn pouts, but she lets it go, flopping down on the couch beside her.
In the end, they settle on Pacific Rim, and Julie mentally prepares herself for another evening of cuddling with Flynn and trying not to think about it too deeply.
Flynn’s certainly not making it easy. Alex and Willie are sitting together, Alex looking comfortable in a way Julie’s not sure she’s ever really seen him before. Reggie and Luke are sitting basically as close together as two people can be without touching, which Julie’s sure won’t last because Luke’s far too touchy-feely of a person to let a crush hold him back for long. Flynn, though, Flynn doesn’t even have to try and she has Julie’s head spinning. They’re sitting side by side on the couch, Flynn leaning against her just a little, just enough that all Julie can focus on is the press of her side against Julie’s arm.
She at least manages to mostly keep her cool and pretend to watch the movie, until Flynn’s hand finds Julie’s. Then Julie’s brain is buzzing. Flynn doesn’t hold her hand, not right away at least, just gently runs her fingers over Julie’s. It’s so slow, such an absent-minded little gesture, that Julie’s not even sure Flynn realizes she’s doing it. And it’s not like they’ve never been cuddly in the past. It’s just that now, it means a lot more to Julie than it ever did before. And suddenly, it’s too much to handle.
“Popcorn?” she asks, jumping up and heading to the kitchen without waiting for an answer.
“We already have—” she hears Flynn start to say, but she doesn’t look back, can’t.
Once she’s in the kitchen, she leans back against the counter and lets herself sink to the floor. She’s aware she’s being a little dramatic, but she thinks she’s earned the right. She closes her eyes and tries to focus on breathing like a normal person again, calming her wild heart in the process.
“Jules?” Her eyes fly open. So much for calming down.
“Hey,” she says, cheerful as she can manage. It’s probably not super convincing, considering Flynn found her sitting on the floor of the kitchen alone. There’s a furrow in her brow; Flynn’s worried about her.
“Hey,” Flynn replies, automatic. She hesitates, then comes to sit on the floor with her. For all that Julie’s freaking out right now, she feels a rush of affection for her best friend. Flynn’s the best at being there for her when she needs someone else to be strong for a minute. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing!” Julie says quickly. Too quickly. “I was just...uh...” she looks around the kitchen, desperate for an excuse and coming up empty. Flynn sighs.
“I’m sorry if I freaked you out,” Flynn says. Which is. Unexpected.
“No, you didn’t,” Julie says, and now she’s frowning too, because what on earth is Flynn talking about. She was being a normal, loving friend. Julie’s the one who made it weird.
“I did,” Flynn insists. “I should have just talked to you instead of trying to play it cool.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Flynn huffs a laugh.
“Listen. Reggie and I broke up because it was the right time. That was totally the truth. I didn’t lie to you, I promise. But that wasn’t really the whole story.” She pauses, like she’s waiting for Julie to say something in response. Julie has no clue how she’s supposed to respond to that, though. She has no clue what’s going on, at all. “Okay, so you know how Reggie and I used to talk a lot about like, people we thought were cute, or whatever?” Julie nods. “Well. When we were doing that, we sort of realized that we both had feelings for other people. Not each other. And as much as what we were doing was nice, we decided that we wanted to take the chance to go after those people instead. Even if it was a long shot.”
“Oh,” Julie says. It’s dumb. She’s seen Flynn experience so many crushes throughout their friendship. She’d been there when she was basically dating Reggie, too. Flynn is always going to be interested in other people, and she deserves a friend who supports her, who’s excited for her when she wants to pursue someone, who she can talk about her crushes with. And that’s clearly not Julie. Flynn hadn’t even told Julie she liked someone new; what does that say about their friendship?
“Julie,” Flynn says, snapping Julie out of her own heartbreak and self-pity. Julie smiles, because she can put on a brave face and be a good friend right now, and be sad later. Poor Luke is going to have a long night listening to her.
“No, sorry, that’s awesome,” Julie says. Flynn stares at her for a long moment.
“I’m talking about you, Julie.”
Julie blinks.
“Sorry?”
Flynn laughs again, awkward now. She bites her lip, then says again, “I was talking about you. I like you.”
“You do?” Julie hears herself ask. Something hopeful is blooming inside her heart, but she’s not ready to believe it just yet.
“Yeah,” Flynn says, nodding. “Do you—I mean, how do you feel about that?”
“Good,” Julie admits softly. “Really good.” Flynn lights up then, and god, it feels so good to see her happy instead of nervous or fretting over her. It’s a feeling Julie wants to chase, so she goes for it: “I like you too.”
Flynn’s smile is wide, impossibly bright.
“You do?” she asks hopefully. “You really do, you’re not just saying that? Because I know you, Jules, I know you like to make people happy and how much you care about everyone, and I love that about you, but you seriously don’t need to just say that because you think it’s what you’re supposed to do—”
“Flynn!” she yells, cutting her off with a laugh. “I really mean it. I like you. A lot.” She’s looking at Flynn, happier than she’s felt in days, and Flynn is looking back at her, and Flynn likes her. Julie leans in and rests her head on Flynn’s shoulder just because she can, now, and she doesn’t have to overthink it. Flynn reaches down like she had before, but this time, she intertwines their fingers without hesitating.
“So what now?” Flynn asks after a second. “I mean, do you want—”
“Well, if you want—” Julie starts at the same time. She stops herself, and smiles. “I want to be with you. If that’s what you want,” she tells her. And somehow, after everything, it’s not scary at all.
“I do. Want that, I mean,” Flynn says. Julie grins, and impulsively, she presses a kiss to Flynn’s forehead.
They sit that way for a minute or two, too content to get up from the floor. Flynn’s hand in Julie’s feels warm, and right.
“We should go back,” Julie tells her. “I don’t want the guys to worry.”
“That’s probably fair,” Flynn sighs. “I told them not to follow me, but you know how they are.”
“Guys,” Julie yells. “If you’re standing right outside the kitchen and listening in, I’m gonna be annoyed.” She can’t hear anyone moving—ghost problems—but she’s prettttty sure she hears Reggie and Alex whispering tensely back and forth. She rolls her eyes, but it’s impossible to feel mad right now. She squeezes Flynn’s hand, then stands up, offering her other hand to pull Flynn up too.
“Do I get to hold your hand while we watch the rest of the movie?” Flynn asks.
“You can hold it right now,” Julie answers, taking Flynn’s hand in her own. They’re in the entryway of the kitchen when she freezes. “Wait. You said Reggie had a crush on someone else too?”
“Oh!” Flynn says, suddenly too animated. “Did I? Say that?” Julie glances toward the living room. She can see even from here that the guys are way too posed to have been sitting there the whole time. And even now, trying to ‘act natural’ so they don’t tick off Julie, Luke is turned to Reggie, like he isn’t even thinking about it, the way a sunflower faces the sun. And for the first time, Julie sees that Reggie turns toward him, too. A matched set.
“Is it someone we know?” Julie asks. Flynn hesitates. “Someone I might know really well?”
“You can’t tell him I told you,” Flynn hisses. “I swore I wouldn’t.”
“Technically you didn’t tell me anything,” Julie says, satisfied. “But don’t worry about it. Everything’s going to be okay.”
Flynn raises an eyebrow. “Yeah?”
“Mmhmm. But we can deal with them later,” Julie says. “Right now, I’m supposed to be watching a movie with my girlfriend.” The word comes out so effortlessly, like it’s something Julie’s been saying for years, something she has a right to say. And she does, now, if the look on Flynn’s face is anything to go by.
“Okay,” Flynn agrees. “That sounds good to me.”
They walk back into the living room without saying anything, but Julie thinks the fact that they’re holding hands now probably speaks for itself. They settle back into their places on the couch together. When she glances up, Luke is grinning at her. She smiles back, and he gives her a subtle thumbs up, which makes her laugh.
“Hmm?” Flynn asks absently. Julie tucks in closer to her side.
“Nothing,” Julie tells her. “Everything’s perfect.” She means it. Looking around at her friends (and mentally filling in the space where Willie should be), feeling the reassuring presence of Flynn next to her, Julie knows that they’re all finally exactly where they belong.
