Work Text:
Rei Sakuma cultivates to immortality when he is a mere child and the green-haired son of the temple opposite of the graveyard he resides in looks at him with eyes speaking of nothing but envy and fascination at the same time. The day is bright. The clouds are white. It will, no doubt, be bright for the rest of the hours left of it. But where Rei Sakuma stands, the green-haired son sees grey. It is strange, unsettling, and he thinks that a person ascending beyond the throes of mortality should be brighter than the Sun reigning on top of their heads. But the green-haired son only sees red under that grey patch. Rei Sakuma closes these red eyes. It is tiring, already, to be an immortal.
One day, there comes a blond child. He is small, and much weaker than Rei. The immortal looks down at him from where he is standing next to a grave, and the boy’s eyes gaze up in his own. He’s frail, thinner than most mortals Rei has seen mourn around this area, and a switch clicks in his mind. After all, he is intelligent. After all, he is closer to the concept of death as is the green-haired son of the temple. He points to the blond child, and says, You will die. The blond child nods, and smiles. My funeral will have blue roses, he says, as if he’s talking about a birthday party with a lot of expectations. Rei deems him the blond, dying son of the graveyard, then. In his conscience, this is the only conversation he has had that in his short life that has struck him with an oddity even his own intellect can’t place. It is interesting, that this child will readily accept his death like this. Any other mortal would simply cry.
Rei Sakuma grows. Immortality does not hinder this. He grows a good many inches, his features take a turn for the sharp as maturity overtakes him, and his fangs only become longer. They poke at his flesh, now, sometimes. And where this was uncomfortable in his teenage years, he becomes accustomed to it in his growth. His instinct has discovered tomato juice. He does not have to depend on his family clan to provide him with the blood he needs to nurture his immortality when he grows to the age where he can get his own.
Rei Sakuma notices something: his clan becomes afraid of him, over time. His brother is the only one that follows him and clings to him. Rei Sakuma vows to protect this brother until the end of his time.
Ritsu Sakuma ascends to an immortal, like him. His blood is darker, unlike him. Ritsu loses the complete privilege to walk under the Sun, unlike him. There is no doubt that with a body as frail as his, not even the magic of immortality can prevent his becoming of fleeting ash under the heat of the Sun. Their clan ask for the permission to protect. Rei Sakuma takes this responsibility on himself, because as we will find out in the next moment, Rei Sakuma is selfish.
Rei Sakuma is selfish. You’re thinking: “Isn’t he selfless?” No. We are on a bullet train zooming inside Rei Sakuma’s brain, and all the passing billboards say ‘SELFISH’. This is a very childish analogy, is it not? But let us think: Rei Sakuma takes responsibility. He takes responsibility of things that he need not be connected to, but he is. He takes burden upon burden and stuffs it inside his immortal heart in a way that would make it seem as one of the side-effects of being immortal is to be stripped away from mere emotion enough to take on the pain and lamentations of a hundred people in one tiny cabinet in his tiny beating organ.
Rei Sakuma does not realize a key fact here: his heart will not beat forever. In some way, he probably knows this. But on the bullet train zooming through his brain, we do not see a single billboard advertising this fact. Why? Because Rei Sakuma is selfish and does not want help. Yet he will offer it for a hundred people he does not know. There is nothing selfless about a tragic hero of a Shakespeare play. They are all simply selfish.
Eichi Tenshouin flutters onto the floor and bows. He will become an important role on the stage that is Rei Sakuma’s life, and manipulate the strings of his future that will bring him down to his knees in his own story. In a metaphorical sense, he is the righteous antagonist that brings down the tragic hero in the Shakespeare play Rei has so intricately woven for himself. He is the one that will cut these strings. He is not the blond-haired dying son wandering in the same graveyard as his on the opposite of the green-haired son’s temple, anymore. He is blond and dying, but paradoxically, he too, is immortal.
Rei’s half-lidded eyes peer at him from a distance and he thinks: there will be no more immortals after this. It does nothing. It will do nothing. He will continue to stuff his heart full of lamentation and Eichi Tenshouin will continue to diminish over time, but his legacy will remain.
Their legacies will remain beyond the throes of the concept of eternal life. They will remain beyond galaxies and universe upon universe. They just do not know this yet.
Ritsu Sakuma learns to walk under the Sun. There are limitations, yes, obviously, for sure. But he learns, and he walks, and Rei Sakuma watches from under the trees and from behind the gates and from the second floor windows and he smiles, smiles, comes to laugh, as anyone watching their sibling walk for the first time would do.
Ritsu is happy. Ritsu comes tumbling towards his big brother and his big brother catches him in his arms and hugs him into oblivion. You’ve learned. You can walk. The Sun can hurt you no longer. I knew you could do it. You always have more strength than you give yourself credit for.
And so the gates of the dam open, and the flood rushes in and takes away everything from them.
Rei Sakuma buries his hands into his chest. He pushes in, and clenches his own heart in his fists, and squeezes. He gasps, chokes, and the tears come stumbling out against his will and he pushes out lamentation after lamentation, burden after burden, the pain of others he has accumulated over time and thought himself resistant to, and he throws it all up on the floor of the Light Music Club room on a Monday morning in the beginning of his new year in Yumenosaki, lights out and quiet. Oogami Koga stands at the door. The change begins this moment. Rei Sakuma will shed his skin, but the pain will cling to him like a child lost in a festival seeing his mother in a strange figure out of his fear. Whether he will lead this child to the parent, cling onto him, or discard him in the array of mortals and run – only time will come to tell.
Rei Sakuma loves, but he does not take it for himself. It is irritating, saddening, and painful to the outsider that watches his life progress and stumble into something that could well be compared to a living hell. Even after throwing up the others, he keeps his own burdens tucked in. The outsiders will always want to reach for him, present to him their hands, and pull him out of the depths he does not know he resides in. But they cannot, they are physically incapable. Why? Because Rei Sakuma is an immortal. No one else has cultivated in this path, and therefore no one will touch him this way. For the rest of his time, he will be alone. It is a simple fact he’s made for himself, and his walls are too big for anyone to break. Countless try, but he reels himself in. He does not let himself waver. He will never let himself waver. He will drown in the depths people yell at him to get out of, and he will never notice it. Not until his existence is diminished will he believe he held any real worth.
Ritsu leaves him behind. Ritsu is not one of the outsiders that holds out his hands for him – he reasons with a logic not even Rei Sakuma for all his damned intellect can counter: He Did Not Hold His Hand Out For Him, Either.
It does not matter, if he couldn’t. It does not matter, for Ritsu is his little brother. Ritsu is the little child he had chosen to discard in the array of mortals in the festival, and his continued string of apologies and gifts will do nothing to deter this fact. Rei Sakuma does not learn to accept, and it becomes a one-way train to the unplanned event of his last cognitive emotions tumbling to the ground. Who is he to say anything, anyways? He basically asked for this.
You’re a Traitor, Rei Sakuma.
You’re Unpleasant.
Don’t get the wrong idea, Rei Sakuma. I only came up on stage because our Producer told me to.
A Traitor who’s fine with breaking promises shouldn’t act like an ‘older brother’ after all this time.
You smile. You’re smiling because there is nothing wrong in this. There is nothing wrong yet the words crawl up your legs up onto your thighs, stomach, chest, neck, and squeeze, SQUEEZE, SQUEEZE.
BREATHLESS. YOU ARE BREATHLESS.
Yet you still smile.
You are Rei Sakuma, the Immortal. You smile in the face of pain because you have only delivered pain, and if this is God’s way of rebuttal for all you have caused, then so be it. If harsh words are your salvation, then you will take them over and over and stuff them down your mouth until you choke them right back up. You deserve harsher. This isn’t enough.
It is fine if you hate me or loathe me. However, please treat yourself with importance.
Are you a good-for-nothing monster, yet, Rei Sakuma? Are you losing sight of yourself, yet?
The immortal visits the graveyard of his childhood on a grey Tuesday evening, and sits on the gravestone of his childhood with the same expression of wistfulness and aura of intellect of his childhood. The only difference is the lack of adults seeking his advice, now. Perhaps it is because he himself, is an adult. But there is also a lack of green-haired sons of the temple and blond-haired sons of the graveyard. Only he remains, the raven-haired son of the life beyond mortality. In all honesty, he is tired. He is tired beyond everything he has been tired of, and he would prefer nothing more than for someone to dig up a grave for him.
For someone to drive a stake through his heart. Do people still do that? Are vampires still that much of a threat? He does not know. His mind does not have the energy to think. It would be better to bury himself down in the depths of his mind and never come out.
A finger pokes his cheek. His eyes open.
“Sakuma-san.”
Blinking.
“K….Kaoru-kun?”
“How did you come to find where I was, Kaoru-kun?”
Kaoru is grinning. He has his ways, apparently.
“More importantly, Sakuma-san, why do you look so gloomy? This isn’t like the charming vampire any of us know, at all~”
“The woes of living forever are past your concerns, Kaoru-kun~”
“There you go again,” his band-mate muses. “Talking like a grandpa, as if it’s gonna help make you any less gloomy.” Rei laughs.
“What does Kaoru-kun suggest I do to avoid being such a ‘downer’, as you kids say?”
Kaoru puts up a hand on his chin as if in thought. His gaze travels from their surroundings to Rei, and then, with a small smile crowning his features he says: First, we’ve got to get the hell out of this graveyard.
Rei Sakuma is not ready to get the hell out of this graveyard. He does not voice this.
Much like the fact that he is also not ready to become the next leader of his clan, which he does not voice, either. We learned some time ago that Rei Sakuma is selfish, and does not care to share his burdens. The outsiders are getting tired of reaching their hands out, and it is exactly what he wants for them to do. To tire themselves out, and give up. Retract their welcoming arms, and go back. Why does he want this? No one knows. No one will know. Only he will, but at times he does not know this, as well. It’s hard.
(Ritsu is weak. Ritsu is not capable of leading if he chooses to run.)
(And what if he wants to run? Why can’t someone else be selfish in his place for him? What if he wants to run? What if he wants to run, run, RUN, HIDE, HIDE AWAY FROM EVERYONE. Never come out.)
(What if he wants to stop being selfish? God does not give him a scapegoat to rely on. He has no choice in all his selflessness to give up being selfish. It hurts. Sometimes, it hurts a lot. It would only be a waste of time to say so – There is no scapegoat to take on the pain he can handle.)
3 pairs of hands on his back.
Sorry to keep you waiting, Sakuma-san.
Don't go dyin' on your own, Sakuma-senpai.
Sakuma-senpai, you are growing weak. Shall I feed you some meat?
His vision is blurred. Kaoru has an arm around his waist.
Sakuma-san, have you been overworking yourself?
He wants to laugh. God forces tears to stumble, instead.
UNDEAD is gathered in the Light Music Club room.
Rei is lying on his side in his coffin, arms covering his head as if the action can protect him from the confused, concerned stares from his unit. Anzu has been attempting to check if he’s running a fever for the past three minutes. He knows it is unlike him, to not move even for her sake. But the ones above him are leering at him for being weak. He does not want to be weak, like this. If he’s weak like this, then he will have nothing to say to the blond dying son of the graveyard and the green-haired son of the temple. And that is the last thing he desires before his time. To not have anything left to say out of his own weakness, his own shame, his own unnecessary turmoil-
“Sakuma-san, you’re really pushing my limits in caring for boys, aren’t you?”
A gentle hand grips his shoulder, moves him slowly so the rest can see his face. It’s disgraceful, ungentlemanly. Though, he’s sure they don’t care. They have never been the type to care. UNDEAD is an anchor, but Rei has subconsciously been pulling it up. He will surely perish without them. He will surel-
“The hell’s wrong with ya, vampire bastard?! Getting sick so suddenly, haaah? I thought you were resistant to this sort of crap!”
“Oogami, calm down.”
He feels Anzu’s fingers ghost over his forehead, pushing away his bangs,
“Like hell I-“
“Doggie,” Kaoru’s voice fleets over, admonishing yet calm. “Go get some tomato juice, ‘kay? I’ll give you the money for it.”
Koga does not say anything. Rei does not know what expression he’s making, if he is. If he cares enough.
(Aren’t you just being stupid, now, Rei Sakuma? Don’t you feel the life oozing out of you, Rei Sakuma? Pathetic. There is no Sun here. Why are you weak?)
Yes. It appears that my disgruntled mind will not allow me to think what is better. What is real.
Rei Sakuma leaves the room with a clear head and the remnants of hastily-fed tomato juice on the white of his collar. He has to apologize. To the blond dying child, to the green-haired child, to the little brother he had left behind in the festival.
(UNDEAD comes in tow. He does not realize this.)
Why do you not realize this? Why do you go after the one that loathes you when your new family offers you so much love?
Ritsu does not loathe him.
Ritsu does not know how to show his emotions. He is young and has been put through distressing things. He does not possess Rei’s level of intellect, and had been dependent when Rei had left him to pursue the well-being of others. You cannot blame the little brother for wanting to loathe the big brother that thought about the insignificant students’ well-being before his own. You cannot blame him more so because the little brother does not know how to loathe. He can ignore him. Spit harsh words on him. Cling onto others when he could’ve clung on him. Ignore his repeated outbursts of affection despite him knowing that he does not want to be near him. But Ritsu cannot loathe him.
A part of him will always crave for the days before the cleansing of Yumenosaki. But he will not allow himself to succumb to those desires. His desires are another story.
New family?
You look back at the gentle giant hand-feeding a little goat in his arms with the most gentle of smiles. You see your grumbling underclassman laughing in a circle of dogs clambering onto his body for affection. You watch your blond-haired band-mate staring out at the mermaid cove with a smile on his face and tears down his cheeks with stories untold. They are all content. They are all content because of you.
Are you content?
Yes.
Kaoru’s hand in his, leading him out of a bat-infested cave. Adonis waking him up, soft and careful, asking if he’s had a meal yet. Koga throwing a box of tomato juice from 5 feet away, half-hoping it would burst and splatter onto him in his weak attempts to catch it.
Yes.
Yes. Yes.
I think I’m content. I think I have a family.
Ritsu will come around.
Rei does not dwell, any longer.
You’ve been awfully quiet.
Rei grins, fangs and all. Glittering in the passing rays of the evening sun filtering through the Student Council Room’s windows.
Oh, dear. That won’t do, would it? After all, Repayment Festival is close.
Keito looks at him with distaste. He is possibly itching to say ‘incorrigible.’ Eichi, on the other hand, is looking at him with his usual half-lidded eyes and humbled smile. He holds up his arm. The other two follow suit.
Three cups of tea. A clank.
To our bygone days.
To the naiveties that have developed into complexities.
To the blond dying son of the graveyard.
To the green-haired son of the temple.
To the raven-haired son that had cultivated to immortality, only to descend.
YOU WILL NOT BE MISSED.