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It was a beautiful day for a picnic Vanessa thought, and it was late enough in the afternoon that it should be easy enough to convince Candace, whatever scheme the boys cooked up was usually over by now. She pulled up the Flynn-Fletcher house, basket secured on the back of her scooter, and noticed the familiar orange hair of her girlfriend on the step. “Hey, Candace, it’s such a nice day I thought we could have a pic- what’s wrong?” She cut herself off as she noticed that Candace wasn’t just sitting on the step, she was moping on it.
Candace looked up with a groan. “Oh, you know, the usual. My brothers get away with some big ridiculous thing and yet somehow, I’m the crazy one. It’s like the whole universe is against me.”
“Hey now,” Vanessa took a seat next to Candace on the step. “Not the whole universe, I’m not against you.”
“You’re right.” Candace lifted her head, determination in her eyes. “It’s mostly Phineas and Ferb, that’s why I have to bust them.”
Not what Vanessa had had in mind. Time for a serious conversation apparently. “That's not what I-” she sighed. “Look, so I'm just thinking out loud here, but have you ever considered not trying to bust your brothers?” She kept her voice even, observing Candace’s reaction as she spoke. “I mean, let's say you did finally expose them, then what? Would you suddenly be happy? Would all of your problems just magically disappear?”
“Uh, yeah.” Candace gave her a look as if that should have been obvious.
Vanessa stifled another sigh. Candace’s busting tendencies could be endearing but now she was bordering on it causing her real harm. “Maybe, maybe not. Just,” Vanessa chose her words meticulously, knowing she needed to tread carefully. “Is it possible that your obsession with busting them is really just a distraction from other problems? Such as how you feel about yourself?”
Vanessa almost retracted the question when she saw the pain in Candace’s expression but then she spoke. “You mean like a tiny, meaningless speck in the universe, completely overshadowed by Phineas and Ferb?”
“That’s good, keep going,” Vanessa encouraged. No reason to stop a potential breakthrough.
“It's just, everybody thinks my brothers are so special. Well, what about me? When do I get to feel special?” Candace looked on the verge of tears and Vanessa felt her heart break, but before she could say anything something caught Candace’s eye and the busting rage was back. “I can't believe this.”
“Hey, I know it may seem rough, but this is good, now you can move forward and heal,” Vanessa started before Candace cut her off once more.
“No, I can’t believe this,” she gestured towards a large contraption that had suddenly appeared in the front yard.
“Oh.” Vanessa said, eyes widening as she took it in.
“See?” Candace seethed. “This is the kind of insane stuff I'm talking about.” She went and started pounding on it. “Okay, guys, I give up. What does this one do?”
And never mind. “Uh, babe?” Vanessa approached slowly. “Are you sure hitting that is such a good idea?”
“Relax,” Candace said. “It's probably some kind of amusement park ride or makes giant waffles or something.” She hit it again. “Is that what you're doing today? Making big waffles?”
A whirring noise came from within it. “Candace,” Vanessa warned, eyes glued to the thing. It was too late though, a hose came out and the pair found themselves vacuumed up into the machine, Candace screaming as their feet left the ground.
They were thrown roughly inside of the pod, Vanessa landing on top of Candace with a groan. “What just happened?” She asked as she sat up.
Candace immediately got up and was at the window, pounding on it and screaming at her brothers. Concern rose in Vanessa as she felt the capsule start to move, a glance out the window confirmed they were taking off into space. “Ugh, they just drive me crazy,” she griped once she gave up on the yelling, finally turning to face Vanessa.
“How about before we place blame anywhere, we take stock of the situation?” Vanessa reasoned. “I landed pretty hard on you when we got sucked in here, you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Are you? That landing was rough for both of us.” Candace responded.
“I’m good,” Vanessa confirmed. “Now, how do we get out of here?” She glanced around as she spoke, nothing catching her eye.
“I don’t know, let’s look around and see if we can find anything,” Candace suggested. They started combing what little there was in the pod, Vanessa taking a moment to snap a quick selfie with Candace in the background and posting it to her feed, knowing that if they couldn’t save themselves her father would see it and come up with some sort of scheme that would get them back to Earth.
Vanessa felt a pang in her heart as she posted that photo. This hadn’t been what she had in mind for the first photo she posted of the two of them, but the fact remained that they hadn’t yet told anyone of their relationship, and they had to get out there somehow.
She just hoped it worked.
Eventually they gave up on the search, there was absolutely nothing in this pod that explained what was happening or could help them escape. Vanessa had taken to throwing a ball in her pocket against the wall while Candace started out the window. “Okay, this is not one of Phineas and Ferb’s inventions,” Candace said suddenly.
Vanessa raised an eyebrow. “How can you tell?”
“Cause of that,” Candace answered, pointing at something outside the window.
Vanessa got up and joined Candace at the window, eyes widening as she saw the large spaceship they were approaching. “Whoa.” She looked around and noticed several other pods. “Looks like we’re not the only ones being brought here.”
“What,” Candace glanced at her nervously, “what do you think they want from us?”
“Best-case scenario, we’re food.” Actually, Vanessa could think of a great number of scenarios, but that seemed the least outlandish.
“That’s your best-case scenario?” Candace gave her a strange look. “Have I ever mentioned how dark you can be sometimes?”
“And that’s why we work well together, I’m darkness and you’re sunshine and rainbows, we balance each other out,” Vanessa teased, successfully dispelling some of the tension of the situation as Candace giggled.
An alert started beeping as they drew closer to the ship. “I think we’re about to dock,” Candace said. This wasn’t Candace’s first time in space, but it was the first time she had been abducted rather than fallen victim to one of Phineas and Ferb’s schemes and she could feel her nerves threatening to take over. She reached over and took Vanessa’s hand as the pod came to a standstill and the door opened.
Vanessa tugged on her hand. “Come on, let’s see if we can find anything.”
“Empty, empty, empty,” Candace commented as they walked down the hallway, checking the pods. “Are we the only ones they abducted?”
Vanessa noticed a few shadows starting to approach and pulled Candace into a nearby corridor. Once they’d passed, she breathed a sigh of relief. “We need to get out of here.”
“Agreed.” Candace looked around, something catching her eye. “Ooh look, a map.” They took a second to study it. “I wish we could understand these weird markings.”
Suddenly a disembodied voice spoke. “English detected. Would you like me to change the map settings to English?”
“Ooh, yes, English.” The map changed from the weird markings to English. Candace’s face brightened. “Oh, great! We have something sort of like this at home.” Before Vanessa could say anything, Candace spoke again. “Computer, how do we escape from this ship?”
“Adding "thin chips" to your shopping list.” On second thought, maybe it was best to just let Candace do this, Vanessa realized.
“No, no, no, no. I said, escape the ship.” Candace was already starting to sound exasperated.
“Playing Cape Lip by Lil' Gorbinox.” Music started playing.
Candace groaned. “On second thought, this is exactly like the one we have at home.” Vanessa couldn’t help but giggle, getting a mock glare from Candace. “Okay, let’s see, engine room, sick bay.” Something caught her eye. “Ooh, smoothie bar.”
“Focus,” Vanessa reminded her, knowing how easily distracted Candace could be.
“Right, sorry,” Candace said, going back to the task at hand. “Restroom, science lab, oh! Escape pods.” She clicked on them on the map, the floor opening up behind them to reveal a long ladder leading down somewhere.
They looked down. “I guess we’re climbing.” Vanessa wasn’t thrilled, but at least she wasn’t the one scared of heights. “You going to be okay?”
Candace nodded, looking determined. “You want to go first?”
“Okay,” Vanessa agreed. She lowered herself to the floor and then the topmost rung, starting to climb down.
Candace followed her once she’d cleared enough space, the pair climbing in silence for a moment. “You know, I'm still blaming Phineas and Ferb for this,” Candace commented after a while.
Vanessa raised an eyebrow despite knowing Candace wouldn’t see it. “How so exactly?”
“Well, if I hadn't been so focused on complaining about them, I might have seen that that pod came from outer space and therefore was not one of their inventions,” Candace explained.
“Right,” Vanessa said slowly, knowing that any counterargument would fall on deaf ears at the moment.
Sure enough, Candace went off on a tangent. “Wow, this is a long ladder. I wish there was a faster way down there.”
Before Vanessa could respond, turbulence took over the ship causing the two of them to fall from the ladder, landing hard in the room below. “Well, that was faster,” Vanessa groaned as she lifted herself up from where she had landed on Candace. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” Candace sat up and rubbed her head. “Be careful what you wish for, huh?” She stood up, something quickly catching her eye. “Oh. Oh!”
“What?” Vanessa asked, expecting the answer to be about the escape pods.
“This is a smoothie maker,” Candace exclaimed, indicating a large machine in the middle of the room.
“Candace, focus,” Vanessa reminded her.
“I know, I know, I know, I don’t have time for this.” Candace hardly broke eye contact with Vanessa as she went to make a smoothie anyway.
“Really?” Vanessa gave Candace a look, knowing that she was stalling.
“Yeah, no, I know, I really shouldn't.” Candace continued what she was doing.
“Candace,” Vanessa said warningly.
“We shouldn't. Okay, no. I know.” Candace finally put the smoothie down as Vanessa raised an eyebrow once more. “You're right, you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right.” Candace went for it again but stopped herself. “You're right.”
“Candace, focus,” Vanessa reminded her once again. “We can get smoothies once we’re back on Earth.”
“Right, right.” Candace glanced around before walking across the room, Vanessa on her tail. “I found the escape pods.”
The computer spoke again. “Opening escape pods.”
Suddenly another voice sounded in the distance. “We're searching the ship right now!”
Vanessa walked towards the chute they had come down, peering upwards, face paling as she got noticed by one of the aliens searching for them. She hurried back over to Candace. “We’ve got to go now,” she stressed.
“Get in,” Candace told her.
Vanessa obliged, heart sinking as she realized, “wait, there’s only room for,” she couldn’t finish her thought before Candace cut her off.
“You take this one and I’ll be right behind you, okay? I’ll see you back on Earth.” Vanessa nodded, catching Candace’s eye in a meaningful look before she stepped away. “Computer, launch the escape pod.”
“Launching all escape pods.”
Candace panicked. “No, no, no, no! Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!” She watched in horror as the doors to all the escape pods closed and they launched.
“Playing Chop Chop Chop by The Lumberzacks.”
Candace looked upwards as it to shoot the computer an unimpressed look before going back to the smoothie machine and retrieving the smoothie she’d made. “Yep, the entire universe,” she griped as she was surrounded by aliens.
Vanessa gazed upon the planet she was approaching through the escape pod window. “That does not look like Earth,” she muttered to herself. How were she and Candace going to get themselves out of this?
The pod began to pick up speed as it got pulled in by the planet’s gravitational pull. Vanessa screamed as it crashed to the ground, groaning as the top popped off and she sat up. “Okay, ow. So, I guess Candace should be coming right behind me,” she said to herself, glancing up to the sky.
Vanessa’s eyes widened with a scream as she saw the rest of the escape pods falling from the sky. She took off, running as fast as she could to avoid having any of them crush her, the impact of one sending her sprawling to the ground with a cry. “Candace?” She called questioningly as she lifted herself off the ground. She looked in the nearest pod to see Candace wasn’t in it.
Or the next one.
Or the next one.
Or any of them.
This wasn’t good.
Vanessa looked up as a large shadow casted over her, realizing it was the ship she had just escaped from. She watched as it came to a landing at a large building on the other side of the jungle. “What good are escape pods if they take you to the planet you're trying to escape from?” She complained to herself. But she couldn’t think about that right now, she needed to come up with a plan.
Candace was still on the ship and she needed to get back to her.
Candace hadn’t fought back, there wasn’t any point she had been far outnumbered. Besides, Vanessa was safe and that was all that mattered in that moment, she would find an escape later.
However, part of her wished she was there to witness the spectacle that was going on, these aliens certainly were over the top. Vanessa would have enjoyed making fun of them.
That was the last thought she had of her girlfriend before she was being brought before the planet’s leader and presented with being the chosen one, causing her to get caught up in the moment.
Eventually her thoughts wandered back to Vanessa and what staying here meant for their relationship. Vanessa had her place on Earth, she reasoned with herself, somewhere she belonged with plans for the future. Candace didn’t really, she just fought the universe every day, Vanessa didn’t need her holding her back.
Maybe this was for the best.
She probably shouldn’t have been surprised later when her brothers and his friends showed up, though how they ended up with Vanessa’s dad she would never figure out. It didn’t really matter either way, Vanessa should already be back on Earth where she belonged.
She, however, belonged here, that much was becoming obvious.
Not two hours later she realized what a big mistake she had made.
Vanessa was running out of ideas.
She had started making her way through the jungle towards the fortress Candace had been taken to, but she had no idea how she was going to infiltrate it, forget escape it and this planet.
She had a dragon. She supposed that was a start; she had been terrified when she first encountered the creature but had found it to be surprisingly docile, it was almost like it wanted a companion and Vanessa had quickly fallen in love with it.
Vlorkel would likely help with the infiltration and escape of the fortress, that just left getting off of the planet. She found herself thankful that her phone still worked on this planet somehow (whether that was thanks to her father or Phineas and Ferb she may never know) so she took another selfie and posted it, hoping again that her father would see it and help them.
With a heavy sigh, she put her phone away, climbed onto Vlorkel’s back and steered her towards the fortress.
Of course, all plans, however half-baked they were, went out the window as soon as she caught her father and Perry the Platypus as they fell from a cliff.
Once they’d landed safely and pleasantries has been exchanged Vanessa asked, “you came from the fortress, right? Did you see where Candace is? They still have her.” She did her best to keep the panic out of her voice but could tell that her dad could see her worry.
“I came here with her brothers and a few of their friends, they’ve got things, don’t worry.” Heinz rubbed Vanessa’s arm soothingly.
“Are you sure we shouldn’t go help? I mean god knows what these creatures are capable of.”
“Well,” Heinz drew the syllable out, Vanessa recognizing his guilty tone.
“What aren’t you telling me?” Vanessa deadpanned.
Heinz gave her a sheepish look. “They might need our help, but they’re on their way back to Earth right now in the alien spaceship, it sounded like they were planning on conquering Earth.”
“Well then,” Vanessa said, jaw set in determination. “It’s time to figure out how we’re going to get back to Earth.”
“So, how did you end up here anyway?”
Vanessa looked over to where her dad was sitting with Perry. He had finally stopped switching the chicken and the stick over and over again after his failed attempt to use it to get back to Earth and had taken to staring at the sky instead. “Went to Candace’s to ask if she wanted to hang out, alien pod landed in the front yard and sucked us both in.” She decided a basic explanation was best for now, this wasn’t exactly the moment for a relationship reveal.
“Candace said she sent you off in an escape pod?” Vanessa could practically see the gears starting to turn in her dad’s head.
“Yeah, we both thought the escape pods would take us back to Earth but well, look how that turned out.” Vanessa rolled her eyes as she spoke.
“Maybe I could scrap something together with parts from them,” Heinz said practically to himself as he sank deeper into thought.
“With what tools?” Vanessa raised an eyebrow at him.
“You’ve got your hat tools, right Perry the Platypus?” Perry chattered an affirmative. “See, we’ve got tools, he’s always prepared.”
“Yes, because those tiny tools are going to help in this situation, no offence Perry.” Perry chattered again, confirming no hard feelings.
“Well, if you had let me take care of the chicken,” Heinz rebutted.
Vanessa shot up. “Wait, the chicken-replace-inator.”
“Won’t work as long as there’s still a chicken on this planet,” Heinz reminded her.
“Not on the nearest chicken setting it won’t, but you’re always putting weird settings on these things, one of them has to work,” Vanessa pointed out. “Let me see it.”
“Okay,” Heinz handed it over.
“Let’s see,” Vanessa muttered. “Beverly Hills? Beverly Hills adjacent? Dad, what even are these settings?”
“They seemed relevant at the time,” Heinz threw back, almost sulking.
Vanessa just rolled her eyes, leaving Perry to deal with that as she flipped to the next setting. “Hey, furthest chicken! That should definitely get us back to Earth.”
Heinz lit up, “let’s do this!” They climbed onto Vlorkel’s back. “Selfie mode!” He exclaimed once more, hitting the switch.
She was back on Earth.
Candace couldn’t believe it, she thought that being back on Earth Vanessa at least would be safe from these aliens, it was bad enough that she had managed to condemn her brothers, their friends, and Vanessa’s dad to their wrath.
Now she had managed to condemn all of Earth as well.
She wished she could apologize to her friends, her parents, her brothers for everything that had happened, but they were all either about to become mindless followers or were still on that alien planet.
Even more she wished she could apologize to Vanessa for getting them into this mess.
She had mostly been ignoring the alien standing guard but when she said something about an attack, she couldn’t help but perk up, looking at the monitors and seeing the chaos her brothers and their friends were unleashing on the invaders. They had made it back to Earth.
Suddenly she knew what to do.
Candace had barely busted herself free when Phineas and Ferb came rushing in. She hadn’t expected that, didn’t think she deserved it, but once they convinced her otherwise her plan began to fall into place once more.
“I need to find Vanessa,” she told them. “I’ll tell you what I learned while on that planet in case it’ll help you, but I have to find her.” She watched as the boys exchanged an unreadable look. “What?”
“Vanessa isn’t back on Earth, she’s still on Feebla-Oot,” Phineas told her, reluctance in his eyes.
Candace felt ice run through her veins. All that and Vanessa hadn’t managed to escape. God, what was she going to do?
Phineas’s voice cut into her conscious once more. “Dr. Doofenshmirtz stayed behind to find her, they’ll find a way back. At any rate we can focus on them once we stop the invasion, got any ideas?”
Phineas was right, Candace realized, even if her heart wanted her to prioritize getting Vanessa back. She glanced at the monitors once more, something catching her eye. “Wait, is today free t-shirt day?”
“Yeah, why?” Phineas and Ferb exchanged a confused look before turning their attention back to Candace.
“I have an idea,” was all she said. She knew now that it wasn’t that the universe was against her, it was her against the universe.
And she was determined to win.
It was over.
It really hadn’t been looking good for them at one point, until Vanessa and her father had swooped in on a dragon in what was quite possibly the most surreal moment of Candace’s life, yet they had brought with them the solution that won them the battle.
As soon as they were sure it was over, Vanessa slid off Vlorkel’s back, throwing off the gas mask as she ran to Candace, throwing her arms around her. “Candace! Thank god you’re okay.”
Candace returned the hug with an equal amount of ferocity. “I’m sorry I sent you into that jungle alone. Today’s been a lot but if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that we’re stronger together.”
“You and me against the world?” Vanessa found herself thankful for her poker face which helped keep her voice steady.
Candace shook her head. “You and me against the universe,” she corrected.
Vanessa felt the poker face crack. “Screw it,” she muttered before pulling Candace in for a kiss. They had been planning on telling their families soon anyway and while this wasn’t what either of them had in mind, Vanessa couldn’t care less in that moment.
“It appears as though you owe me five dollars,” Ferb said to Phineas as they witnessed the kiss.
“You’d really think I would have learned by now not to bet against you,” Phineas commented, handing Ferb the money.
Something clicked in Candace’s head. “You two were betting on us? Oh, you are SO BUSTED.” Vanessa shook her head affectionately as Candace went after her brothers, knowing full well that no busting was about to happen.
“You know,” Heinz’s voice sounded behind Vanessa, “suddenly a lot makes so much more sense.”
“Really?” Vanessa raised an eyebrow at him.
“Well yeah, you two spend a lot of time together, plus there was how worried you were about her back on that planet,” Heinz point out as if it was obvious.
“So,” Vanessa drew out the syllable. “You’re okay with this?”
Heinz shrugged. “Why wouldn’t I be?” He glanced over Vanessa’s shoulder. “But uh, you might want to stop her from killing her brothers, I would be lying if I said I haven’t developed a fondness for those boys over the last several hours.”
Vanessa giggled. “That’s not surprising considering everything you have in common.” She pecked his cheek. “Thanks, Dad,” she whispered before running off after Candace and the boys.
“That’s my girl,” Heinz said to himself, watching after Vanessa and the others fondly.
“To be fair we weren’t exactly subtle,” Vanessa interrupted Candace’s rant.
“They were betting on us,” Candace protested.
“Please, like you’ve never bet on any of your friends’ relationships,” Vanessa pointed out teasingly.
“But, but,” Candace tried to protest once more, half heartedly.
“How about this? Those who were betting are the ones who buy the celebratory we-just-saved-the-world ice cream,” Vanessa suggested in an attempt to placate her.
“Sounds great to me,” Phineas chimed, sealing the deal.
“Oh, alright,” Candace relented. “I’m still telling Mom though.”
“Whatever you say.” Vanessa grinned at Candace as the boys and their friends went on ahead, chattering excitedly. “Still feeling like a meaningless speck?” She asked.
Candace shook her head. “I think saving the world makes me at least somewhat special, don’t you think?”
“Probably, but you didn’t need to do that to be special to me.” Vanessa smiled warmly at Candace as she spoke.
“Funny, Phineas and Ferb pretty much said the same thing,” Candace smiled wanly.
“I’m glad you can see that now.” The pair shared a meaningful look, Vanessa running a hand through Candace’s hair before grinning somewhat mischievously. “So, what do you think the universe is going to throw at us next?”
“Knowing my brothers, it could be anything,” Candace rolled her eyes.
“Yeah, no kidding,” Vanessa chuckled. “Us against the universe?” She checked.
“Us against the universe,” Candace confirmed. With that, Vanessa smiled at her once more, taking her hand as they headed off to join in the celebration.