Archive of Our Own

Baz

This can’t be happening to me.

Today was gonna be a good day. This morning Snow was quiet by some miracle, so he didn't wake me up before sunrise. They had to give us back an essay I'm sure I nailed, and I couldn't wait to see Bunce's face once she realised I bested her again. And I had a Skype call (with my ilegal phone) scheduled with my stepmother and Mordelia, because she's apparently been insufferable saying she misses me.

Instead I had to skip Magic Words, because Snow is in that class too; and I had to send a bird canceling on Mordelia, because I left my phone on my room, and I can't obviously go there either. And now here I am, sleeping in the bloody Catacombs. 

I'm so fucking pathetic.

It happened in the dining hall during breakfast. We were all minding our own business and suddenly all you could hear were the loudest and most annoying notification sound ever. It was coming from everywhere, on loop and uncoordinated during at least twenty seconds. Then I started to notice how almost everyone (including me) had a cartoonish beating heart on their chest, with a number underneath.

No one knew what the hell any of that meant at first. 

Luckily it only took a minute for Miss Possibelf to come and explain what the fuck was happening.

Apparently a fourth-year girl casted Love Alarm (something to do with a kind of dating app from a korean Netflix show - or something like that, I didn't really care.) She casted it on the guy she has a crush on to see if it was mutual, but something went wrong and now everyone here is affected.

That means every time someone at a distance of at least ten meters has romantic feelings for you that annoying alarm will sound; the glowing heart with the number indicating how many people in that ratio are interested in you.

I almost fainted when I understood what that meant for me. This is the worst spell mishap to ever happen, for sure. (I can only thank Merlin and Morgana Snow was pretty far away from me during breakfast.)

So that's why I'm here, miserable as ever, ready to spend the upcoming nights on the Catacombs until the spell wears off.

Because I can't be in my room while Snow is there. I'll skip classes and meals and sleep on the fucking floor if that's what it takes for him to be at least ten meters away from me at all times.

I can't let him get close to me. I can't let him know.

I'd literally immolate myself before letting Snow know I activate his fucking love alarm.

Simon

This can't be happening to me.

It's all been fucking bonkers since the Love Alarm fiasco yesterday. Everyone's been acting so weird; there's people so freaked out by it that are staying away from everyone, but I've also seen some guys literally competing with each other like maniacs to see who can get the highest number under their hearts in one go.

I bet Baz's winning. Not that he's competing (not that I've seen) but I bet his alarm has sounded a million times already, the twat. 

(Not that I'm jealous. Mine has sounded far more times than I was expecting, to be honest; but it’s not like I care.)

Speaking of Baz, he hasn't slept in our room, and that is what really has me all freaked out.

I didn't see him at all yesterday, actually. He was in the dining hall when all this madness happened; but I didn't see him again after that.

So where is he? What is he plotting?

That's all I've been thinking about until Agatha told me she wanted to talk to me after breakfast. She actually made Penny leave, which was very weird. She's never done that before.

She wanted to break up with me, turns out. (That she's done before, a couple of times. But we've always come back together a few weeks later. This time she seems pretty serious, though.)

(I can't believe she's actually being serious about it.)

"Why are you doing this?" I ask. "Why now? What have I done?"

"Simon," she sighs. "We're not right together. You know that."

"But… I love you," I say before she can continue.

"No, you don't."

"What?"

"You don't love me, Simon; and I don't love you."

I don't understand. "That's not true. Why are you saying that?"

"We're standing right in front of each other," she says, as it explained everything.

"Yeah, so?"

"So, we're less than ten meters apart. And neither of our alarms has sounded."

Crowley, she's right. The number on her chest remains a zero, just as mine. How haven't I noticed that before? "B-but this doesn't make any sense. This can't be right."

"Simon, please-"

"Agatha, I love you," I insist.

"Stop saying that! You don't."

"This has to be a mistake," it really has to be. She's my destiny, my happy ending. There's no way our alarms don't activate for each other.

"Magic makes no mistakes, Simon," she says. "We're not interested in each other romantically, and that's what it is."

"Is this because of Baz?" I ask, desperate.

She looks taken aback by that. "What are you talking about?"

"Do you and Baz activate each other's alarm? That's why you're breaking up with me?"

"You're fucking unbelievable," she looks pissed off now. "I don't know if I activate his alarm, I haven't tested it. Maybe it's not me you should be worried will activate his alarm. Maybe it's not me who's obsessed with him."

I frown. "What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing," she answers, rolling her eyes. "Let's just go to class, okay?"

And just like that, I don't have a girlfriend anymore. 

First Baz being absent, surly plotting something, and now this.

The day couldn't have started in a worse way.

Fucking love alarm.

(***)

"I can't believe she broke up with me." I say. "I can't believe she did it for real this time."

"Well, I can."

Agatha didn't sit with Penny and I at lunch today, and now at dinner she isn't sitting with us either. I can see her a few tables away, eating alone.

Baz is not sitting with his friends either. He's not here at all, actually. I haven't seen him in any meals since yesterday morning. (I haven't seen him at all since yesterday morning.)

"Penny!" I moan. I know she never liked the two of us together, but she could at least pretend to not be happy about it. "Why are you defending her? You're my best friend!"

"She's also my friend, Simon," she says. "And she's right about this. Your love alarms don't activate for each other. It's as simple as that."

"But I love her." I've said this so many times today. At this point I don't know if I'm trying to convince her or myself. 

"You love her like you love me; as a best friend," she says it like it's obvious. "But you're not in love with her."

It makes sense, I guess. I do love her, just not in that way. Not in a way that would make her love alarm sound.

But it's just so, I don't know, humiliating to realise you and your girlfriend of three years are not in love with each other, and for everyone to see.

I still can't help but wonder if Baz has anything to do with this. Is she in love with him, and that's why she isn't in love with me? Is that what he's plotting, to make Agatha's alarm sound and steal her away from me? (He wouldn't really be stealing her from me, not anymore. But still.)

I need to stop that train of thought; I can't think of Baz and Agatha together. It makes my blood boil, for some reason.

Even if I'm not in love with her, I don't want her to be with Baz. I could get behind her dating anyone else, but not Baz.

Never Baz.

Baz

I haven’t been in our room in four days.

That means I’ve been sleeping on the cold floor of the Catacombs for four nights.

That’s fucking insane. I can’t keep up like this.

I skipped all my classes the first two days, even the ones I don’t share with Snow. I didn’t eat anything during those days either. (I drowned a lot of rats, though; so I was fine. Mostly.)

That was also fucking insane, so by the third day I decided to show up to my classes that Snow doesn’t attend. And I made Dev and Niall bring me here some food from the dining hall. They looked at me as if I had finally gone full on crazy, but they didn’t ask anything. Good men.

I feel like I’ve gone crazy; paranoid I’m gonna run into Snow on the hallway everytime I get out of class, terrified I’m not gonna be able to put enough distance between us in time. And then everyone will see, and know my deepest, darkest secret.

I can’t let anyone know I’m in love with Snow. I’d never live this down. I’d literally do whatever it takes.

But I can’t keep sleeping on the Catacombs; I’m gonna freeze one of these nights. And I desperately need a shower.

That’s why I’m here, knocking on Dev and Niall’s door.

“Baz?” says Niall, opening the door. “What the hell are you doing here? It’s almost midnight.”

“I’m sorry to cockblock you,” I take a look into the room and I see Dev sitting on his bed; luckily it doesn’t seem I’m actually interrupting anything. “But I need to sleep here.”

He looks at me weirdly (and a little bit embarrassed by my comment), but lets me in anyways, closing the door behind himself. 

I should’ve come here the first night, it’s not like I didn’t think of it. But turns out these two morons activate each other’s love alarm, so they’ve had a lot to catch up once they figured it out. 

(A lot of couples have been formed in the last days, I’ve heard. Gareth and Rhys are also together now; I didn’t even knew they were queer. And I’ve also heard about some couples breaking up after realising none of them activate the other’s alarm. Well, I’ve heard about one couple breaking up, but I don’t wanna think about it. It makes me more happy than it should. As if it changed anything; I’m so pathetic.)

“What the hell is wrong with you?” asks Dev, looking actually worried. “You look like you’ve been sleeping in the Catacombs for a week.”

“I have literally been sleeping in the Catacombs,” I say, sitting on Niall’s desk chair. “Not for a week though; only four days.”

“What the hell, Baz?” exclaims Niall, sitting beside Dev.

“Well, I can’t go to my room.”

“And why’s that?” asks Dev, the bastard.

“You know why,” they do know why. I’ve never admitted it out loud, but they know. “Please don’t make me say it.”

They take pity on me, thankfully. “Baz, you’re being paranoid. When you make someone’s alarm sound, it doesn’t actually say who has activated it. It could be anyone.” 

“He’s right,” agrees Dev.

“Yeah, but not if we’re literally alone in our room, you idiots,” I know I could get away with it if we’re surrounded by more people; but I don’t wanna take any risks. “Look, just let me shower and sleep here, okay? I can sleep on the floor, I don’t mind.”

“Nah, you can sleep on my bed,” says Niall. “Me and Dev will sleep in his. Looks like you need it, mate.”

I’m so happy to finally be able to sleep on a bed, I don’t even feel embarrassed by how low I’ve stepped.

Simon

“Simon, you’re acting insane,” says Penny, almost running behind me, trying to match my pace with his fairly shorter legs.

“I need to see what he’s up to,” I say, ignoring her remark.

It’s been a week since Baz has set foot into our room. It’s been a week and I’ve barely seen him, and it’s making me, as Penny pointed out, insane.

That’s why I’m now headed to the football pitch; I know he has training now, so he’ll likely be there.

“And you think you’ll catch him doing something sketchy playing football?”

I don’t answer, and she keeps following me anyways. 

We get there a few minutes before practice starts, so we sit on the first row on the bleachers, waiting.

“I shouldn’t be indulging you,” she sighs. “You haven’t acted this paranoid since fifth year.”

She’s right about that, I have to admit. I followed him everywhere that year. But it was necessary; I needed to prove he’s a vampire. And it’s necessary now too; I need to prove he’s, well, onto something.

I would’ve been following him now too, but Penny hasn’t let me skip any classes. And I’m not gonna skip any meals, not even for Baz. I would’ve gone at night; to see if he’s on the Catacombs or the Wavering Wood, but Penny has been sleeping in his bed since he hasn’t been there, and I don’t want her to catch me leaving. (She says it’s because she’s tired of Keris and Trixie playing with their love alarms in her room, making them sound again and again; but I know it’s really because she wants to keep an eye on me.) (I still don’t know how she’s able to get past the gender restrictions.)

“Penny, he hasn’t been sleeping in our room,” I explain for the millionth time. “He hasn’t been in our room at all. I think I have reasons to be paranoid.”

“Maybe he’s spending the nights with someone,” she says. “I heard his alarm sounded fourteen times today. Maybe it’s mutual with one of them and they’ve gotten together.”

I’ve also heard his alarm has been activated fourteen times today, and he hasn’t even been in all his classes. (Keris’ been keeping score, making a ranking.) (Baz and Agatha are on top, ironically.) 

“Well, maybe,” it could make sense, what she’s saying. But thinking about Baz with someone in a, well, romantic way makes my chest ache in a very strange way, so I don’t dwell on it. “But he’s been skipping classes, coincidently the ones he shares with me. He’s never done that before. And he’s been skipping meals also; he’s done that before, but never that many. That’s weird Penny; you have to admit that’s not normal Baz behaviour.”

“Well… I don’t know,” she says, running out of arguments.

“He’s also been avoiding me to no end,” I keep on.

“He’s always kinda avoiding you.”

“Yeah, but not to this extent. He's been literally running in the opposite direction every time he’s seen me. You know that, you’ve seen him too.”

“Okay, he’s being weird,” she finally admits. “But I’m sure we won’t figure out why while watching him play.”

As on cue, people on the team start arriving, Baz among them. He’s walking with Dev and Niall, and he seems fine. Put together. Normal. He’s wearing his football kit and his hair is up in a bun. It’s a good look on him. (Everything’s a good look on him, really. Fucking twat.)

“He looks pretty normal to me,” says Penny.

I don’t know if he heard her or what (do vampires have super hearing?) but he sees us right away; he stops walking abruptly, his eyes wide open. He stays like that for a second, looking scared (scared of what?) and then he turns around and leaves, his teammates looking surprised, but no one stops him.

“Penny,” I say. “Look me in the eye and tell me this right now wasn’t like, super weird.”

“It was super weird,” she agrees. (I’m not used to her agreeing to me when it comes to my suspicions on Baz.)

She looks like she’s already forming some kind of theory on her mind, though. I’m glad to have her on my side; there’s no way I’d be able to crack Baz up on my own otherwise.

Penelope

I think I'm starting to get it. The way he looked at Simon before leaving. It all makes more sense now.

I wonder if Simon is putting the pieces together too.

"Do you think it's Agatha, who he's potentially seeing?"

Nope. He's as clueless as ever.

Nicks and Slick, he's lucky he has me.

Baz

This is getting out of hand.

It’s been eight days and the fucking spell hasn’t worn off yet. People is starting to notice how fucking weird I’m being; thank Merlin I’m unaprochable enough nobody has said anything to me.

I feel impossibly ridiculous right now, hiding in the first empty class I found once I saw Snow and Bunce talking and walking my way, oblivious to my situation. They saw me running away, I know they did. I know they’ve noticed other times too. And they also saw me yesterday at the pitch, making an absolute fool of myself.

I believe the only reason Snow hasn’t chased me yet it’s because Bunce has been preventing it. (She deserves some rights, after all. Even if I suspect she’s been sleeping on my bed.)

Suddenly the door opens, and I almost give myself a heart attack thinking it’s Snow. But it can’t be; the alarm would’ve sounded by now if it was him. 

It’s Bunce instead.

(Speak - or think - of the devil. Maybe I’ve summoned her.)

“Bunce, for Crowley's sake,” I greet her. “What are you doing here?”

She looks at me like I could ask you the same thing, but she doesn’t say it. Instead she says something way, way worse. “I know you’re in love with Simon.”

All the air has left my lungs. My heart is beating so fast; almost as fast as if I were alive.

(I’ve changed my mind; she deserves zero rights. Minus one hundred rights.)

I try to look amused by it; but I don’t think I accomplish it. She’s taken me off guard. “That’s the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Drop the act, Pitch,” she says, confident as ever. “It’s fairly obvious. You’ve been running away like crazy every time you’ve seen him. You haven’t been in your room in days.”

“So?” I ask, dumbly. 

“So, I think you’re scared to be less than ten meters away from him.”

“Bullshit. I’m not scared of him.” 

“No, you’re not,” she agrees. “You’re not scared of him, per se. You’re scared you’re gonna activate his love alarm and reveal your true feelings.”

I want to deny everything, but I have no possible excuse. After eight years, the day has come: Penelope Bunce has defeated me. “Please don’t tell him.”

(Merlin, I sound so pathetic. I hate myself more than ever.)

“I won’t,” she assures me. I must look like I don’t believe her, because she says again: “I won’t. But maybe you should.”

“Why would I do that?” I ask. As if it wasn’t bad enough she knows. Why would I break my own heart (more than I already had) on purpose? 

“He might surprise you,” she says. I hate her so much right now; she has no right to give me hope like that. “He’s obsessed with you; he always has been.”

“He’s dating Wellbelove,” I argue.

“Not anymore,” she points out.

“He’s straight,” I try again.

“I don’t think he’s thought enough about it to know if he’s straight or not.”

“He hates me,” I’m going through the list in my head of all the reasons Simon Snow will never love me back.

“He doesn’t,” she says. “Not really. I think he worries about you, actually.”

And, last but not least: “He’s too good for me.”

“Aw, Basil,” she says it with so much pity. I hate it. “That’s not true. You deserve good things.”

And now she’s being nice to me. That’s what I’ve been reduced to: Penelope Bunce being nice to me out of pity. I want to die.

“Look, just don’t say anything to him, okay? Or to anyone.”

“Baz-” she starts, but I don’t let her finish.

I storm out of the room instead.

Simon

That’s it; I’ve had enough.

I’m gonna confront Baz. I’m gonna confront him right now.

There’s definitely something going on with him. I know Penny talked to him, but she won’t tell me about what. She says she promised him not to tell. (Since when Penny promises things to Baz?)

I don’t think he’s plotting anything against me anymore; Penny would’ve told me if my life was on the line. What’s wrong with him then? Is he in trouble? Is he hurt?  

I need to know where he is; it’s driving me crazy not knowing. 

I’m gonna wait until Penny has fallen asleep and then I’m gonna go look for him. I don’t care if she catches me; no one could stop me from going.

I need to know he’s okay.

Baz

I’m spending the night on the Catacombs again.

Niall and Dev wanted some privacy, and I needed to feed anyway. 

I quickly realise what a stupid mistake this was.

I just wanted to quietly drown some rats and visit my mother’s grave. Maybe also drown the bottle of whisky I have hidden here and cry myself to sleep.

(Just every other Thursday night for me.)

Instead here comes Simon Snow, ruining my night. (And possibly my life. Will he kill me when he finds out I love him?)

(I lowkey hope he will.)

Simon

Baz is on the Catacombs, surrounded by dead rats; because of course he is.

(It was so obvious he would be here; it’s like he wanted me to find him.)

He was sitting on the floor, but gets up as soon as he sees me. “Well, goodnight, Snow.”

“What are you up to?” I ask, straight to business.

“I was trying to enjoy some me time; but you had to ruin it, as always,” every step forward I walk, he takes one back. 

He's mocking me, the bastard. "You haven't been in our room since last week."

"Maybe I just needed a break from you."

"Oh, you enjoy the rats’ company better?"

"I do, actually. They offer me better conversation."

What a fucking prick.

Baz

My back touches the wall; so I can’t keep walking backwards. Shit.

He stops walking too, thankfully still far enough. “Seriously, Baz, what is happening?”

“Nothing,” I lie. Everything is happening. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Are you okay?” he asks. I raise one eyebrow; I wasn’t expecting him to ask me that.

“I’m perfectly fine, thanks,” my strategy is to deny everything until the very end, apparently. 

“You’re clearly not,” he insists. 

I glare at him. “Why do you care?”

“Because I worry about you,” I don’t know who looks more surprised by this, him or me. Bunce told me he worried about me, but I didn’t believe her. It can’t possibly be that. “Look, Baz-”

He starts walking again, and I panic.

“Stop!” I practically scream. “Don’t get near me.”

I start walking too; moving to the left. 

He stills follows me, of course. “Since when are you this scared of me? I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“I’m not scared of you,” I’m scared of my feelings for you. I’m terrified of your reaction once you know what I feel for you.

“Baz, I’m serious,” he says, ignoring me. “I don’t wanna hurt you. I’ve never wanted to.”

I’m so out of my mind I don’t see there’s something on my way. (A rock? A dead rat? Who knows.) It makes me trip, pathetically falling to the floor on my ass. 

Snow is walking fast now, coming my way. I don’t have time to stand up, or to cast something like Stay Put on him (Crowley, I should've thought about it earlier.) I can only stay here and accept my fate.

He’s only two seconds away from being close enough, and my life is flashing before my eyes. I can’t believe this has come to this; everything I’ve done to prevent this from happening has been in vain. He’s about to know something I swore I would take to the grave. 

One second.

I close my eyes.

His alarm sounds.

But so does mine.

Simon

I was so confused, seeing Baz so adamant on not letting me get close to him. I’ve never seen him like this; so panicked at the simple sight of me. He’s never been afraid of me, not even when I’ve threatened him with my sword. (I think that deep down he’s always known I would never actually hurt him with it. I could never. I don’t want to hurt him.)

(I just want to know where he is and what he’s thinking and if he’s safe.)

But now here I am, in front of him; the echo of our alarms sounding through the Catacombs it’s hurting my ears; and on both of our chests there it is, the number one with its correspondent animated heart. 

And now I’m even more confused.

What the hell does this mean?

“Simon...” he whispers, so low I almost didn’t hear him.

“What-” I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to think.

I don’t know what this means.

I just know I have to get out of here.

“Simon, wait- ” he says, louder now, but I ignore him.

Now I’m the one running away.

Baz

I’m still on the floor a few minutes later, in shock. I can’t believe what just happened.

What in Merlin's name did just happen?

Simon

I've been pacing my room non stop like a maniac for the past twenty minutes.

I accidentally woke Penny up when I got here, of course. I've kinda forgotten she was sleeping on Baz's bed, to be honest; so I wasn't even trying to be quiet. 

I just wanted to be alone to think, so after swearing I was fine a million times, she finally left. I feel bad, making her leave in the middle of the night, but I really need to figure this out on my own.

I mean, it's not like it's difficult to crack what happened. It's clear what happened: Baz and I activated each other's love alarm. That means we have romantic feelings for each other.

(I know I can be thick sometimes, but I'm not that clueless.)

What I'm having a hard time understanding is how the hell did I miss this?

I know I'm obsessed with him, Penny's always telling me so. (Agatha also told me, when she broke up with me, now that I think about it.) But I thought I was obsessed with him plotting against me, not with, well, him in general.

And I meant it, when I said I didn't want to hurt him, and that I've never wanted to. And it's true; I worry about him. All the time. I thought I worried about him planning how to hurt me. Turns out I just worry about him getting hurt.

I always feel so flustered around him. He makes me so nervous sometimes; I can't think straight. I thought it was because I hated him. Is it really because I love him?

(Have I been mistaking love for hate this whole time?)

But what's even harder to wrap my head around it's the fact that he, apparently, loves me back.

And he knows it's love; that's why he's been insanely trying to stay away from me. 

How long has he known? 

(How long have I known, deep down?)

Baz

I know he's in our room even before I reach the door.

My love alarm sounds again; and I can hear his too from here.

That means he also knows I'm coming, so he doesn't look surprised when I open the door.

"Can I come in?" I ask. He's standing in the middle of the room, face unreadable. I have no idea what he's thinking. 

"This is your room too," he says. "You don't need my permission."

I step inside, closing the door behind me. I stay here, my back on it. I can see my bed is unmade; so I was right, Bunce's been sleeping in here. I feel equal parts elated and terrified right now, so I don't have room to be mad about it. (Elated because Snow activated my love alarm. Terrified because he ran away the moment he noticed.)

Neither of us moves or says anything, and it's starting to be awkward. "Should we… talk about it?"

"Maybe," he says. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

I'll probably regret it, but I say: "Yeah, I want to."

"Do you love me?" he asks, straight away. Merlin, I already regret it.

I consider lying, deny everything, assure him it's all been a fluke. But I end up saying the truth, because I'm weak. "Yeah. I do."

He doesn't look disgusted, as I feared he might. He looks surprised, actually. "Why?"

Why? What does he mean why? He's the embodiment of all good things in life. He's like the sun, and the stars, and the whole universe; what's there not to love?

"I don't know," I say instead. "I just do."

He doesn't look satisfied with my answer, but doesn't dwell on it. "Since when?" 

"Since way too fucking long, Snow."

"Don't call me Snow," he says, ignoring the rest of my answer. "You called me Simon before."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did," he insists. "I liked it. I like it when you say my name."

Merlin and Morgana; he's gonna be the death of me, isn't he?

"Baz?" he says, once it's clear I'm not gonna reply to that.

"What?" 

"Can I try something?"

Simon

He doesn't look sure for a few seconds, but he nods his head in the end. 

That's all I need to close the distance between us and kiss him.

I think he wasn't expecting it, because he's not kissing me back. (Of course he wasn't expecting it. I just grabbed his face and put my mouth on his unannounced.)

I'm starting to think this was a mistake, but suddenly he seems to come out of his shock, and finally starts moving. 

It's slow at first, a little hesitant even; definitely uncoordinated. (Hasn't he kissed anyone before?) But when I part his lips and our tongues touch, he lets out the most beautiful moan, and all his nerves seem to dissipate.

He grabs my hips and puts me even closer, his tongue now moving too inside my mouth and Merlin, Morgana and Methuselah.

I've never had a kiss like this. I've never felt anything like this.

I move one of my hands to his hair, and it's so soft. As soft as I always imagined it would be. (Because I've been thinking about it, for sure. There's a whole list in my head of things I want to do to him.)

I feel so stupid; how have I been able to suppress this for so long? It's incredibly obvious how painfully attracted to him I am. (I mean, of course I am. He's fucking fit.) (It's not the first time I've thought so, too.)

His hands are now on my lower back, inside my shirt; and the skin on skin contact is making me dizzy. 

It all makes so much sense now.

"Aleister Crowley," I say against his mouth. "I think I love you too."