Chapter Text
It’s not easy being Aelwyn Abernant, but she’s trying. It’s not easy to find out who she is behind the walls she had built up over the years, over her lifetime if she’s being honest. That’s another thing she’s working on, being honest to herself, to others, in a way that isn’t cold and cutting. It’s not easy to undo nearly two decades of hurt and harm and needless cruelty, but she is getting better at it. It’s not easy to rebuild the ruined remains of her mind, her personality, her very being, into something that’s worthy of being loved despite its flaws. It’s not easy, but she’s trying.
After the Forest of the Nightmare King, Aelwyn has a lot to figure out. So she makes a list, and after a few days it looks like this:
- Be a better sister to Adaine
- Learn to be a person others want around
- Figure out how to graduate highschool (college applications?)
- Therapy
- Make friends
The last one she had scratched out, rewrote, erased again, and rewrote again before finally deciding to let it stay.
It’s summer now, almost two months since then, and she’s managed to check off three of the five original list items. Graduation was solved by Hudol allowing her to take summer classes since she only has a few credits left, it’s unconventional sure, but it’s better than having to take the year she missed with students who would know who she is and what she had done. Then once she has her diploma she’ll take a gap year and stay with Adaine in Mordred Manor. She’s still going to apply to schools, but she won’t be able to attend that coming fall. It’s nice having everything planned out for herself by herself, she can do whatever she wants to.
Over that same time her relationship with Adaine begins to heal. They help one another through the bad nights, whether Adaine wakes up drowning or Aelwyn can’t trance because it feels like she’s back in that tower and can’t shut her eyes without fear. But they’re also together for all the good parts too, Aelwyn finds out her sister’s favorite flavor of ice cream and what music she likes to have on when she’s studying for different subjects. And in turn Adaine finds out that Aelwyn doesn’t actually like parties and her favorite fruit is oranges. It’s all the little things that knit them back together. Adaine making sure Aelwyn comes on a group picnic with the Bad Kids and the Seven Maidens, or to the movies with just the Mordred Manor crew, or just the two of them going to the library for spell books and then messing around in the back yard with Zayn as they try to create new spells.
It’s nice to feel included even if the small, though growing smaller, voice in her head says she hasn’t done anything to earn any of it. That she is still the villainous bitch that worked for Kalina and Kalvaxus, that sunk an entire ship and killed so many people just because she was afraid, that put girls in crystals so they could be sacrificed. That she’s still such a fundamentally bad person it won’t matter how she acts now, she will eventually just fall back into that cold, uncomfortable familiarity. Therapy helps, Dr Illia is truly a goddess among men and helped her to go through her issues and trauma. And there’s still a lot to work through, but it’s easier now to recognize that yes, she has done those things and that was wrong, but the fact that she wants to be better than who she had been means she isn’t a bad person deep down. It’s not perfect by any means, but it’s a place to start and she can only hope that one day she’ll be half as good as Adaine is.
All this time she’s included in group activities inevitably means that she’s also spending time with the Maidens, and it’s tense. The Maidens never invited her to their parties with the Bad Kids just after spring break, and even now they’re always on high alert when they come around the manor for game night, they’ve made it abundantly clear that they don’t like her without saying a word. Aelwyn can’t fault them for it, she wouldn’t like her either in this situation, but it doesn’t stop her from trying to be better when they’re over. She sticks close to Adaine, but when her little sister pulls her into a conversation about spellcasting with Sam, or the uses of wards with Danielle, it’s surprisingly easy to talk about her area of study and not feel like a terrible person. It takes another month of these small, barely there moments, for the Maidens to lose their frigidity. They offer a tentative olive branch in the form of a girls day out, the invitation addressed to all the girls of Mordred Manor, and for once Aelwyn knows she’s included in that.
And just like that the list of people who tolerate her presence, because they certainly aren’t her friends (the Bad Kids made that clear from the start), grows by seven. It’s not easy, but it’s nice.
In the end it’s Sam that becomes her friend first. Aelwyn had known about Sam through Penelope, but that was always slip ups and drunken ramblings, and they all paled in comparison to the real thing.
Sam Nightingale it seems has a taste for bitchy best friends, but that’s alright because she always cuts right back whenever Aelwyn says something scathing. It never hurts, their barbs are never set to kill, and they’re often directed at other people. She’s sharp as a tack, and a frighteningly competent spellcaster to boot, and Aelwyn has always admired people who can match her skill for skill. Sam is also tough as nails, which makes sense if she was friends with someone as ruthless as Penelope, but there’s also a softness that comes from having to weather a friendship like that. It’s the choice to be kind when the world hasn’t been kind to you.
But that’s not how it starts.
Instead it begins with Aelwyn posted up on one of the balconies over looking the backyard of Mordred Manor while the Maidens and the Bad Kids have one of their ragers, a cheap bottle of sparkling wine to keep her company. She doesn’t drink to get drunk anymore, it’s more like she wants to enjoy the way the bubbles fizz and the way it makes her feel a little less alone as she watches the revelry two stories below her. She can feel a spiral starting to dig its claws into her when Sam appears next to her, legs dangling over the edge beside Aelwyn’s. Their knees are so close to touching that Aelwyn thinks maybe she can feel the warmth from it.
“Hello,” She says softly, hair floating around her face as if she’s beneath the waves of an ocean. “It’s getting awfully rowdy down there.”
“It always does,” Aelwyn says after a stunned beat of silence. Belatedly she hands over the still mostly full bottle, she isn’t sure if that was the right choice, but Sam takes it and everything still feels okay. “None of them hold their liquor well,” She adds as an afterthought.
The snort of laughter that Sam lets out startles Aelwyn, she hadn’t meant to be funny. Sam’s entire demeanor changes after that, like she was walking on egg shells only to find they were stronger than steel. “You’re so right, and they all get so sloppy.” Sam pulls a face that looks something like drunken disgust, it crinkles her nose and purses her lips.
A small grin pulls at Aelwyn’s mouth, “And you’re any better?”
That earns her another laugh out of Sam, though it almost causes her to inhale the wine she had just drank. “I am much better, because I know when to quit, thank you very much.” She points at Aelwyn, botte still in hand and dangerously close to falling off the balcony’s edge.
Aelwyn takes it back, drinks some more in hopes of swallowing down the feeling building in her throat. It doesn’t help, but the feeling isn’t necessarily a bad one, especially when Sam is sitting beside her, grinning down on the chaos below them. She doesn’t say anything more, just watches Sam watching the party. And it’s nice in a way she hasn’t felt in a very long time.
“They said I shouldn’t come find you, the other maidens, but I think I’m glad I did.” Sam says it so softly that Aelwyn nearly misses it.
“I’m glad you did too.” The quiet that settles between them is saturated with emotions Aelwyn doesn’t quite know what to do with so she deflects, she always deflects, but this time it doesn’t feel like throwing up a wall. “Watch this.”
Sam turns to her, a puzzled look on her face, but it quickly melts into a mischievous grin that matches Aelwyn’s. “I’m watching.”
The half full bottle of cheap wine floats out over the yard, before coming to a stop above the largest group of people. Aelwyn thinks it’s half the Bad Kids, Fabian, Kristen, Riz, and Tracker, and a two of the Maidens, Penny and Danielle, but she looks to Sam for permission and when she gets a wider grin and a nod in return the bottle is upended by an invisible hand, pouring it’s bubbly contents over the unsuspecting teens. The shouts that rise up from the party are almost as loud as the cackling laughter echoing out from the second story balcony.
Mage Hand is truly a wonderful spell.
Once their laughter dies down, and Sam sits up from where she was leaning against Aelwyn, the two look at each other and promptly start laughing again.
“That was so good, I wish we could have seen their faces,” Sam wheezes out, still giggling. Her face is flushed a dark blue from joy and alcohol and Aelwyn doesn’t want to look away.
She can’t remember the last time she laughed this hard, her entire body hurts from the force of it. “I’m sure at least one of them was streaming it, we can probably find it and watch it again.”
“Well I fully expect you to find it and send it to me, because I am much too drunk for social media detective work right now,” Sam says sternly, but the way her face is still bright from laughter makes it a little less serious.
Something inside Aelwyn sobers almost immediately. “I don’t think I have your crystal info–”
But right as the words leave her mouth Sam is rattling off a series of numbers that by some miraculous wisdom check Aelwyn remembers and gets put into her crystal only a moment later. She sends a message just to make sure she got the number right, and Sam’s crystal makes a soft ping , so she puts her own back away. “I’ll be sure to send you the video once I find it.”
“Good.” Sam bumps their shoulders together. “I think I like you, Aelwyn Abernant.”
Aelwyn bites down on her smile, but some of it shows through anyway. “I think I like you too, Sam Nightingale.”
So that’s how it starts, and here’s how it continues:
Aelwyn finds the video later the next day (Fabian was the one streaming that night). It’s a little blurry and you can barely tell what any of them are saying, but it focuses on the floating wine bottle for a few seconds before it dumps over the group. Sam was right, the looks on all their faces are absolutely priceless. The tail end of the segment does a slow, pixelated zoom over to the balcony and you can just make out the shapes that are Sam and Aelwyn laughing their asses off. Sam responds to the text with a block of exclamation points and then the words ‘call me’ and Aelwyn feels her heart do an impressive set of acrobatics.
She makes sure Adaine is not in the room before hitting the daunting looking call button. The phone rings twice before Sam picks up.
“Hello.” Sam says it like she doesn’t know who’s calling, but Aelwyn can hear the infectious grin in her voice.
“Hello yourself.” Aelwyn settles further into the tower’s bay window, the throw pillows were a brilliant idea she’ll give that much to Adaine. “So their faces, huh?”
Sam’s laughter is bright as a summer day. “Fucking priceless. I don’t think I’ve seen Penny that pissed since Kalvaxus, and Danielle looked so confused. I swear that girl spends too much time doing druidy things.”
“I think we’re just lucky none of them wanted to kick our asses,” Aelwyn says mock seriously, “I think if my sister were in that group I would be a dead woman.”
Sam snorts, “Maybe, but what kind of oracle would she be if she didn’t see that coming?”
“I’ve asked about that, but apparently it doesn’t work that way. I think she just gets to see big important things and gives out weirdly accurate prophecies, but honestly what’s the point of being a diviner if you can’t see the dumb shit coming?” She holds her breath, waiting for Sam to tell her she’s being rude, but that’s not what happens.
“Exactly," Sam says like it the most obvious thing in the world.
Aelwyn lets out the breath. It’s easy talking to Sam in a way it isn’t with Adaine or any one else who tolerates her being around. Talking to Sam is almost like a reminder that while she’s done some seriously bad shit she’s still just a teenager who can talk some shit about her little sister. The line goes quiet for a bit before Sam speaks again.
“I was thinking about going to the mall later, and grabbing lunch, would you wanna come?” The last bit sounds rushed, like Sam is forcing herself to get the words out. Or maybe she’s just nervous, though why she would be nervous is beyond what Aelwyn’s insight could ever know.
Aelwyn feels her breath catch in her chest and stick there. “I would love too.”
“Cool, meet you there in fifteen?”
“Sounds perfect.” And it really, really does.
She can hear Sam smiling again, “Bye, see you soon.”
“See you soon.”
The call ends, dial tone ringing in her ears. It feels like she’s trapped in her body. In no world do things like that happen to her, she doesn’t have friends because she’s a bad person who’s been masquerading around as a good one. People don’t just want to spend time with her. She isn’t worth it, she’s never been and never will be. She hasn’t done anything to earn this. It’s hard to breathe she realizes, and the sensation of a band around her chest becomes more tangible. Why can’t she breathe?
Panic attack, she thinks numbly. I’m having a panic attack because someone other than my sister was nice to me.
She’s not sure how long it lasts, but she’s sure once Boggy comes bounding into the room that it’s been more than five of her fifteen minutes. Adaine stands at her side, rubbing soothing circles into her back as she tries to breathe through it. But it feels like she’s going to tear something if she keeps trying so she just focuses on Adaine, on Boggy now clutched to her chest, on the pillows propped beneath her.
Slowly, oh so painfully slowly, she starts breathing again like a regular person. Adaine is still there, because Adaine is the best and knows what this feels like. That notion grips her chest again. She was always so awful to Adaine when these happened to her, she never made sure her sister was alright when she felt like she was dying. She doesn’t deserve her sister’s kindness.
“Hey,” Adaine says quietly, “Aelwyn, you’re going to spiral again.”
“No,” She grits out. “I won’t let it.” And she doesn’t, she beats the black thoughts back into their designated For Therapy box. Carefully she stands, knowing she looks a mess still makes her skin crawl, but it’s only Adaine here and Adaine’s seen everything. Good and bad.
“Good. Do you want to talk about it?” Adaine asks when she's handed Boggy back.
Aelwyn laughs, a near hysteric thing. “I believe I just had a panic attack because Sam Nightingale wants to be my friend, and I am now going to be late meeting her at the mall.”
Adaine just nods, she knows Aelwyn well enough to know she doesn’t want to talk about it. “If you get ready quickly, I’m sure you can just teleport over there. I highly doubt you’ll need the spell slots.”
And it’s the right thing to say because Adaine always knows what to say and when to say it.
“Thank you. I know I don’t say it enough,” She says as she rummages through the closet for a pair of shorts and a shirt nicer than the one she sleeps in.
Adaine just rolls her eyes. “Yes yes, now just get ready for your date and leave already.”
Aelwyn actually squawks, a sound fit to be heard from Ayda, and whirls on her sister. “It isn’t a date , besides I have higher standards for a first date than just the mall. I like to be wooed, thank you very much.”
Her sister just waves a hand, “Sure sure. It’s not like you would ever just make out with someone at a party without being wooed first. I’m sure Fabian was just an outlier.”
“Firstly, that was different and I am a new person now, and secondly, you know exactly why I was like that and that I don’t do that now,” She lists as she shrugs on a pale peach and white striped button up, the stripes match the lace in her shorts and that’s about as good as she can do on such little notice.
“Whatever, go have fun with Sam.” Then softer. “You deserve it.”
“Thanks, I love you.”
“Love you too.”
And with a snap of her fingers Aelwyn arrives at the entrance to Elm Valley mall with not a second to spare. Sam is already there waiting, a hand dipped lazily into the koi pond beside her bench. She’s got her hair up, but it still looks like it’s lazily trying to defy gravity. Her outfit is perfectly put together for a summer day, pale yellow pleated skirt and plain white tee shirt with a pair of black hightops.
Sam looks up, sees Aelwyn, and a grin wider than what should be comfortable takes over her face. “You made it!”
Aelwyn’s answering grin is smaller, but no less bright. It’s easy to smile around Sam. “I did.”
“Let’s go, I need food and to shit talk random people.” Sam shakes the water off her hand before linking an arm through Aelwyn’s. And Aelwyn must freeze because Sam looks immediately concerned. “Is this okay? I don’t want to overstep any boundaries–”
Aelwyn waves the hand not linked with Sam, and tries for blase. “It’s fine.” Sam though doesn’t look convinced, so she tries again for something more earnest. “I just haven’t had anyone, haven’t had a friend in so long, I think I forgot how it works.”
For her part Sam doesn’t pity her, just nods and says, “Well, I’ll be happy to teach you. Though my last best friend wasn’t really the best.” She chuckles awkwardly, but it doesn’t feel awkward.
“I’m not the best either, but I think I can do better than her.”
Sam smiles, “I believe that, now let’s get started on this whole friend thing and get some food. I was thinking sandwiches.”
“That’s perfect.” And it really is.
They spend the rest of their time at the mall wandering between stores, trying on clothes they want to buy and ones they think are absolutely ridiculous. They sit in the food court to eat and critique people’s outfits and complain about getting too much ice in their drinks. Sam drags Aelwyn into stores she wouldn’t have been caught dead in which is a surprise because Sam dresses so unlike the merch in the stores, but it’s so she can buy Zelda a birthday gift, she says when Aelwyn comments on it. In turn Aelwyn pulls Sam with her to look at the wizardry books which leads to a couple stores long conversation on the merits of wizards versus sorcerers and which is sexier as a class. In the end its a draw, but they both have a couple bags each of things they bought, and it’s nice. It’s really really nice to feel like just a couple of regular teens causing trouble at the mall when Sam dares her to mage hand a dream crystal from a kiosk and they have to run away hand in hand through the front double doors. It’s nice how easy it feels to breathe and exist around Sam as they make their way back to Sam’s car in the parking lot chatting about useless things and looking out for the mall security. It’s easy to imagine a life where she has things like this with Sam as they drive back to Mordred Manor. She finds it’s easier to be Aelwyn Abernant, girl doing her best to be better, around Sam, and hopes it will last longer than just the summer as Sam drives off back towards town.