Chapter Text
Jaskier looks at the house and checks he has the right number again before approaching. The house is nice, not as nice as some of the others he has been in, but a regular two-storey house in a nice neighbourhood. Nothing remarkable which makes the secrecy of the gig more baffling.
Some people liked their privacy Jaskier guesses as he tries to spot a flowerpot without looking too suspicious. The flowers have almost wilted but Jaskier doesn't reserve them a second glance as he fishes out the spare key under the pot.
He checks the notes from the owner again from his phone.
<Use what you need in the kitchen. Clean sheets on the bed. No guests, second floor off-limits.>
<Roach hates people>
He could deal with cats who hate people. Animals love him, he just has to be patient and offer peace and love. And food. Food is very important.
He opens the door carefully, not sure if Roach is the type of a cat to try to squeeze her way to freedom every chance possible. He slips through, his bag in front of his leg to protect his pants in an event of a clawed attacker but, to his relief, there is no cat in sight.
He leaves his shoes and bag at the entryway and makes his way to inspect the house. The ground floor consists mostly of an open plan kitchen and living room, the backdoor in the kitchen leading into a small yard.
The living room looks like it's from a magazine, only the small decorative items usually on display are stuffed haphazardly in a cabinet, and by the looks of it, forgotten there. But what draws Jaskier's attention isn't the fine furniture. No, it's the gigantic cat tree in front of the window facing to the street. Jaskier eyes the cat tree warily. Either the owner is very enthusiastic about their cat (Jaskier has seen those, usually ladies in their middle ages or older) or the cat is a giant. No normal cat requires a cat tree that large.
He ventures further into the house, phone in hand and selects his best friends number.
"Hi, Essi, it's me. I arrived safely, there are no axe murders in sight. Yet."
"One of the days there will be and then I can tell you I told you so," Essi's voice is amused despite her admonishing words but she turns serious as Jaskier walks up the stairs, trying to find the bedroom, "You need to call me every day. If you won't I'll come storming over with Priscilla and that won't end pretty."
"Yeah, yeah, Little Eye. I got this, don't worry." The first floor seems as devoid of a cat as the ground floor. There are three doors Jaskier guesses lead to two bedrooms and a bathroom. All doors are ajar so he peeks through the first. A study. A boring one at that. Bookshelves line all the walls, and two decent sized monitors sit on the desk. No laptop.
It doesn't surprise him, the owner said he had to leave for work for at least two months. But why did it have to be so boring?
He glances at the bookshelves expecting to find more boring stuff.
What he finds are two enormous golden eyes staring down at him.
He would deny shrieking like a little child to his dying day.
"Jaskier?! Julek?! Are you okay?! What is it?" Essi screams at him.
"Fuck, fuck, cock, bloody Melitele, fuck, that is the biggest fucking cat I have ever seen, is that even a fucking cat, what the fuck?"
"Jaskier what the fuck? You can't just scare me like that, what the fuck are you talking about?"
"That thing is not a cat. No cat is that big. Nope. Exotic pets weren't in the deal I'm not having this, no."
The long-haired tabby stares at him and waves it's tail in irritation, hitting it against the bookshelf with a series of thuds.
"Um, yeah... goooood kitty, I'll just... go..." Jaskier runs from the room all while listening to the wheezing laughter of Essi from the other end of the line.
"Are you sure it's not a Maine Coon or something?" Essi laughs.
"Do you think I haven't seen Maine Coons? That cat is a monster!" Jaskier hisses while keeping a keen eye on the door of the study.
"You know for a fact there are monsters in the world and you're scared of a little cat? Sure, catboy. Have fun with your monster cat."
The cat (Roach, Jaskier's brain helpfully supplies) walks out of the study and stares at him unimpressed. Now, on a reasonable height, it clearly is just a very large cat. Sure, it's by far the biggest cat Jaskier has ever seen, but a normal longhaired cat none the less.
"Please, don't tell Pricilla about this," Jaskier beggs as he eyes the cat and blinks slowly in hopes of gaining the enormous cat's trust.
"Yeah, of course, I won't, why would I do that?"
"You're telling her as soon as this call ends aren't you?"
"Oh, don't worry about it, I already texted her," Essi mocks him gleefully.
"Traitor!" Jaskier hisses.
"Love you too! Call me tomorrow!"
"I will," Jaskier admits defeated, "bye."
He stuffs his phone in his pocket and looks at Roach, "I guess it's just you and me then, girl."
Roach screams at him.
"Umm, yeah, you're going to have to be a bit more specific than that."
Roach screams again.
"You could meow like a normal cat, you know?"
Jaskier has never seen a cat look as unimpressed with him as Roach is at the moment. She gives him a wide berth as she heads for the stairs to the second floor. And screams.
"Sorry, that's off-limits for me, you're on your own." Roach looks him up and down before she heads upstairs. He can hear her digging around and meowing pitifully. Something crashes to the floor.
Still, off-limits, he reminds himself and turns to investigate the rest of the house. Bathroom, bedroom. Both void of any personal belongings.
It's all fairly boring, all personality stripped, no pictures in sight. There's a sort of detachment to the whole thing Jaskier finds unsettling.
He steps to the back yard, making sure that firstly the door is unlocked and secondly Roach is nowhere in sight. He looks up after closing the door and blinks in surprise.
The whole yard is one giant catio, reaching all the way to the first-floor windows. The windows are connected with planks, leading to a wooden ladder. In the yard is a small vegetable garden and a shack Jaskier guesses contain the gardening tools.
"Well then... I guess I don't have to worry about leaving the back door open." He eyes the garden again and makes a vow to try to remember water the vegetables. He's not sure he'll succeed.
By dinnertime, Jaskier has settled down, unpacked his belongings in the bedroom and claimed a space on the desk in the study. He's putting his shopping away in the fridge (where all he found was cheap beer and snacks clearly meant for a child, thanks for the hospitality) when a demanding meow sounds from the other side of the kitchen.
"Oh, hello Roach. Is it time for your dinner?"
Another meow.
Roach walks in front of a cabinet and screams, as demanding as before.
"Is that where your food is? I'll be right with you, sweetie, just wait a moment..."
Another scream.
"Yeah, yeah..." Jaskier mutters as he tries to find some logic to where everything is in the kitchen. Like it was organised by some crazy witch who never cooked other than their evil potions.
A loud metallic bang makes Jaskier jump in the air and hit his head on a cabinet door.
"Roach?! What the fuck was that?" He looks at the cat who sits next to her empty bowl which sits upside down on the floor, a good half a metre from her tray.
Meow.
"Yeah, okay, food! You'll eat me soon if I don't feed you..." he mumbles and goes digging the cabinet Roach pointed to him.
Roach trills and screams and attacks the cup as soon as Jaskier puts it on the floor. Roach doesn't eat, she just keeps her head in her bowl and stares at Jaskier, a low growl rising from her throat.
"Right, of course, I can't watch you eat. Don't worry, I don't want to steal your food." Jaskier takes a step back. Roach eyes him warily, but apparently, he's far enough she starts to eat her food, selecting carefully the tastiest bits first.
Jaskier digs his phone from his pocket and snaps a selfie of himself, Roach happily munching away in the background. Or so he thought, as soon as he looks at the picture more closely he can see the cat staring at him like it wants to eat him instead.
He picks up the right conversation in WhatsApp and hits send before he turns back to Roach.
"You know, you have to start to trust me soon, I have to brush you so you don't get tangles and mats in that gorgeous hair of yours."
Roach doesn't look impressed.