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Derek hated Christmas music. It reminded him of family, of pack; of Laura, singing high pitched and off-key while she hoisted Cora on her shoulders so she could put the topper on the tree. It reminded him of things he didn't want to remember, of things he didn't have anymore.
Apparently, Stiles was a big fan of Christmas music.
Judging by the way he pretty much refused to take off the ridiculous set of reindeer antlers, and the sheer volume at which he belted out Christmas carols, Derek surmised he liked Christmas a lot. Which was fine, really. If Stiles could just like Christmas elsewhere, somewhere not in Derek's fucking loft.
"Here comes Santa Claus, HERE COMES SANTA CLAUS, RIGHT DOWN STANA CLAUS LANE!" Stiles bellowed from where he was kneeling and wrapping a tree skirt around the bottom of what was, apparently, Derek's Christmas tree. Derek eyed the IPod currently plugged into his stereo, the other source of obnoxious and terrible music in the loft. Sure, it would be rude to just snap the thing in half, but then he could just buy Stiles a new one for Christmas. It'd kill two birds with one stone, actually.
"Derek, come help me unwrap these ornaments!" Erica called over to him, pulling the lid off a cardboard box on the table. The table that was currently covered in Christmas paraphernalia. How did this even happen? Sure, the pack was home for the holidays, and Derek was grateful, really. He just didn't think they'd actually be celebrating the holidays. It was never a thing they did before the pack split up and went to college all over the country. Was it some kind of bonding thing? For all that Derek boosted being a born wolf, he really did not get how this pack was supposed to work.
It had been a long time since he gave the bite to Erica and Boyd and Isaac. Since he'd been an alpha. Now Scott was Alpha, but it wasn't anything like how Derek's family had been, his pack. They'd been blood, all of them. His mom was Alpha, she was their leader as a family and a pack. Derek had failed miserably at being the Alpha, and Scott didn't enforce the pack bond at all, not like Derek had tried to do. They still met up every time they were all in the same place at the same time, which was really only during Christmas and over the summer. Scott may be the Alpha now, Derek's Alpha, but Derek was still adjusting to pack dynamics that he wasn't familiar with.
Derek reluctantly pulled himself off the couch, going over to join Erica at the long table. Stiles was still singing along to the awful music, and Derek now knew from experience that he wasn't going to shut up as long as the music was on. Derek inwardly sighed and tried to focus on what Erica was doing. He stood on the other side of the table, back to the tree. Maybe if he couldn't see Stiles, he could better block out his voice. "What is all this?" Derek asked, eyes roving over the garland and tinsel strewn across the surface of the table. Erica pulled out a bundle of tissue paper from the box in front of her and started peeling away the layers. "Christmas stuff. Holiday cheer, jackass. Now give me a hand."
The bundle in Erica's hand revealed itself to be a small clay ornament of what looks like a rainbow. Or at least, Derek thinks that's what it's supposed to be. He reaches over and grabs at another bundle, intending to get this whole process over as quickly as possible.
"Hey, careful with that! These are priceless heirlooms, you know." Erica chastises. Derek raises an eyebrow at her in return, very much doubting the validity of her statement. The clay rainbow in her palm is misshapen and doesn't actually have the colors in the right order. Erica looks back at the ornament she's holding and her face softens a bit. "I made this in second grade. It looks like shit, right?" Derek wasn't sure he was supposed to answer that question honestly, so he decided to stay quiet. He started unwrapping the ornament in his hand, carefully, instead. Erica moved past him to hang her shitty rainbow ornament on the tree, despite Scott still trying to figure out the lights.
"Erica, come on, help me out, this is awful." Derek heard Scott's pleading tone behind him, no doubt still tangled in at least four strands of multicolored lights. Derek preferred white lights, but it wasn't like they had bothered to ask him. They just showed up at his place with a tree and a stack of boxes with decorations. He hears Erica laugh behind him as he unwraps the tissue paper to find a plastic painted mermaid holding a margarita. That was not what he was expecting. Stiles slides up next to him, evidently done straightening the tree skirt.
"Oh, that's mine! My mom bought it when she and my dad first got married. Dad said it was their first big fight. I guess my dad wasn't a fan." Stiles said with a chuckle, gently reaching over to pluck the ornament out of Derek's hand. Stiles's fingers brushed against the skin of his palm, leaving warm pinpricks in their wake. Derek frowned, and he could feel his eyebrows crunch together.
"But, why?" Derek asked, not looking at Stiles. His now empty hands gripped at the side of the box instead. He could hear that Erica had given in and was trying to untangle Scott, but it seemed distant, fuzzy. His focus was on Stiles, the warmth radiating from him, his scent pushing its way into Derek's nose, filling his lungs with cinnamon and coffee grounds.
"Uh, I dunno, really. Guess he just wasn't really into the fat mermaid aesthetic. Which speaks pretty clearly for how bad his taste is. I mean, come on, this thing is great, right?" Stiles said, still not moving away from Derek. Their sides were almost touching. Stiles's heartbeat thrummed loud and incessant in Derek's ears.
"No." Derek grunted out, hands tightening on their grip on the box. "Why are you...putting it up on my tree? Why is Erica... Don't you want to put that on the tree at your dad's house?" Derek bit out, confused. He was angry, which wasn't surprising. He got angry when he didn't understand things. It wasn't his most flattering trait, but Derek had grown up enough to recognize his own shortcomings, even if he didn't do anything to try and fix them.
"Dude." Stiles said, and Derek waited for more, but apparently Stiles meant that as an entire sentence. Finally, Derek darted his eyes to meet Stiles's. The stupid fat mermaid was clutched in his hand, like he was afraid of dropping it, and the green glitter on the tail was rubbing off on his skin. It was really surprising the thing had any glitter left on it at, after all these years. Out of the corner of his eye, Derek could see Erica and Scott arguing over the light placement, Scott having finally been freed from their stranglehold.
"You know you're like, important to us, right?" Stiles said softly, not breaking eye contact with Derek. It was unnerving. The stupid antlers Stiles had on had little silver bells, and they glinted in the fading sunlight streaming through the window. Stiles took a half step forward, which didn't make sense, they were already so close, why would he do that? "Derek - " Stiles started, and his unoccupied hand darted out, as if to alight on Derek's arm.
The door to the loft grinded open, and Derek found it distressing that he hadn't heard the elevator, or footsteps. Stiles had always been able to distract him to an alarming degree. Kira bounded in, carrying two paper bags, and for a moment Derek worried that there were more Christmas decorations. Allison, Isaac, and Boyd followed her in, all carrying similar bags, and Derek realized they had brought Chinese takeout. It was a small relief. Stiles backed up from Derek, his hand dropping to rest at his side. Cries of greeting rang out, as if they all hadn't just seen each other a few hours ago, and Scott suddenly didn't seem to care how even the lights were.
The bags were deposited on the coffee table, seeing as the other table was occupied with the "holiday cheer", as Erica had called it. The pack migrated over, lured by the promise of greasy food, but Derek didn't miss how Stiles carefully wrapped the fat mermaid again before putting it down.
***
It took hours before the pack decided the loft was decorated to their standards. The tree was perfectly centered in front of the window, and covered with ornaments contributed by every member of the pack (except for Derek),the front door had a wreath hanging on the inside (since Allison made the valid point that no one would see it on the outside), the staircase had garland wound around the railing, and even Derek had to admit that it looked quite pretty. Of course, the whole process was accompanied by terrible music, and it wasn't just Stiles signing along. The rendition of "Santa Baby" with Stiles, Scott, and Erica was actually pretty entertaining, though Derek would never admit it.
By the time Derek put the tree topper on the tree (the pack insisted that it was his job), the sun had long since set. The tree wasn't exactly what Derek would call pretty, more haphazard and sloppy, really. But still, looking at the handmade (and in some cases, downright ugly) ornaments, Derek felt a little twinge in his chest that he hadn't expected. He had thought that the pack would disperse once the loft was decorated, but it seemed like that wasn't the plan.
"Okay, Derek, go upstairs! We got you a present, but you can't see it yet!" Kira said, excited. Derek had a flash of panic. Presents? Was he supposed to get everybody gifts? Why was he never prepared for this shit?
"Don't worry, it's really more for us. Don't look so scared."Erica said, patting his shoulder as she walked to the door with the others. Stiles stayed behind, presumably because whatever the hell they got him didn't actually require six people to carry. Stiles shooed him up the staircase, and Derek could hear the others shuffling around outside the front door to the apartment.
"Stiles. What's going on?" Derek asked, standing on the landing of the second floor. He didn't use this space much - Isaac's room was up here, along with the kitchen he almost never utilized. He had pretty much just given over the floor to Isaac. It wasn't like needed the room.
"Dude, chill out. It's freaking Christmas. We all chipped in and got you something. Just, try to act grateful, okay?" Stiles snapped, standing next to him in the darkness. Derek could see fine, he had werewolf senses to help with that, but Stiles couldn't. Derek took advantage of the situation and fixed his gaze on Stiles's face without fear of Stiles catching him staring.
"I am grateful." Derek said, quiet. He wasn't talking about the present - he couldn't really care less what is was they got him, though it was a nice thought. He was grateful for the whole night. He thought Stiles would know what he meant. Stiles's expression softened.
"You deserve this, Derek. A pack. A...a family." Stiles said cautiously. Derek sucked in a breath, held it. The others were back inside downstairs, it sounded like they were moving furniture. That might have concerned him, another time. A time when Stiles wasn't basically calling him family.
"I don't mean - it's not like we're trying to be your family. I mean, we can't replace them, it's just - " Stiles stumbled over his words, frustrated. He raked a hand through his hair, sighing. Derek kept his silence, afraid Stiles wasn't done, afraid he was. Stiles took a long breath and turned to face Derek, though he couldn't have seen much in the darkness.
"Look," Stiles said, and again he reached out his hand, but this time it gripped onto Derek's arm, a hot brand on his bicep. "Derek-"
"Alright, come on down!" Allison's voice called up to them, and Derek nearly winced. Stiles straightened, his hand falling from Derek's arm, and turned back to the stairs. Derek followed him down, desperately hoping his face wouldn't betray him. He felt cold and warm, the alternate sensations running down his spine, and very confused. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he saw that the room had been re-arranged so that the couch was facing the wall, which had a flat screen TV against it.
"Merry Christmas!" The pack tried to yell simultaneously, though Boyd didn't join in, and Isaac was noticeably later than the others.
"Before you get all grouchy," Erica said, when Derek just stared at the TV, "I did say it was mostly for us." The rest of the pack looked expectant, though Stiles looked nervous, as if Derek was going to pick up the TV and throw it out the window.
"Thanks. Who's gonna help me mount this thing?" Derek said, and just like that, the tension he didn't even know was there disappeared. Scott let out a whoop and rushed forward to help, while Boyd nodded and went to get the tool set. As he and Scott started screwing in the mounting brackets (all while Stiles insisted they were crooked), the front door slid open again, and Derek wondered if there was anyone in Beacon Hills not currently in his loft.
"Hey, losers." Said Jackson, and Derek was really not expecting that one. Lydia walked in behind him, carrying a bag from the bakery on main street. Lydia and Jackson always kind of stayed on outskirts of the pack - kind of to be expected what with Jackson still living in London most of the time, and Lydia going to college on the east coast.
Allison let out a squeal of happiness and ran to hug Lydia right away, with the rest of the pack crowding around them in greeting. Even Stiles gave Jackson a half-hearted one-armed hug. Derek guessed the holidays really did bring out the best in people. Once the excitement of the new additions died down, he and Scott finished mounting the TV, and Stiles whipped out his laptop and an HDMI cable he just "happened to have" with him. Derek could smell a set up when he saw one, but he didn't mind. It felt good, to be surrounded by his pack, even Jackson.
Lydia pulled out dessert - Christmas themed cookies from the bakery - and the pack settled in on the couch, assorted chairs, and bean bags that Isaac drug down from his room. Derek ended up squeezed on one end of the couch, next to Stiles, who was practically in his lap to make room for Boyd and Erica. Allison and Isaac shared a bean bag, as did Scott and Kira. Lydia and Jackson sat in adjacent chairs, not quite close enough to touch, but Derek could see that it was only a matter of time before they worked it out again.
Which made Derek realize, with a jolt, that he and Stiles were the only ones in the pack that weren't a couple. The thought made his skin itch. Stiles's proximity to Derek muddled his senses, as it always seemed to. He didn't even think to protest watching a Christmas movie until it had already started. Jackson, however, had no problem airing his grievances.
"Seriously? 'A Claymation Christmas?' Who picked this?" He said, incredulous. Lydia swiftly kicked him in the shin.
"I did." Scott said, looping his arm around Kira's shoulder, like it was the end of the conversation. Which, as it turned out, it was. Derek did his best to focus on the movie, and not the scent of Stiles next to him. He was mostly successful.
***
It was after midnight by the time everyone left. Isaac left with Allison, so Derek guessed he was spending the night at her place. Derek was alone in the loft again. He was cleaning up, throwing out forgotten takeout containers, when he found Stiles's IPod, still plugged in to the stereo. They had paused it before giving Derek his present - Stiles must have forgotten about it. Derek pressed play - he wasn't really sure why. He wanted to know what other Christmas songs Stile's had. They'd cycled through the entire Mariah Carey Christmas album earlier, maybe he just wanted to see what other horrible songs he had on there.
Of course, the first song was another rendition of "Frosty the Snowman", and Derek jammed the skip button so hard he thought he'd break his thumb. He'd heard enough of that song for a lifetime. The next song surprised him. Nat King Cole started up with "O Tannenbaum" and Derek put the IPod down, staring at the Christmas tree, still lit up, while the song played. Derek wondered if Stiles understood German, but then dismissed the thought. You didn't need to know the language to admit it was beautiful. Derek was lost, just gazing at the tree, when the door slid open once again.
Stiles came in, the ridiculous antlers still in place, and slid the door closed behind him. Derek didn't bother trying to turn the IPod off - it's probably what Stiles came back for anyways.
"Hey." Stiles said, from across the room, still standing just inside the door. He shifted his weight, as if nervous to be near Derek. That didn't make any sense, though, because they had been together all night.
"Hey." Derek said back, because he didn't know what else he was supposed to say. "You came back for this, right?" Derek said, gesturing at the IPod, which was just cycling into the next song on the playlist, something about angels that sounded like Josh Groban. Derek wasn't familiar with the more religious Christmas songs, ironically, because his mom couldn't stand them. For the Hale family, Christmas was a purely secular celebration. The thought made him wonder what Stiles believed in. It never really came up. Though proof of the supernatural tended to make most people drop their beliefs in a higher power.
"I - yeah, I did." Stiles said, but Derek heard the lie in his heartbeat. Derek moved to unplug the IPod, but Stiles stopped him with a sharp "Wait!"
Derek paused, looking at Stiles, waiting.
"Uhm, the next song, it's my favorite." Stiles said, a pink flush creeping up his neck. Derek just nodded, like that was a perfectly reasonable reason to let Stiles stay here any longer. Stiles walked closer, and stuffed his hand in his pocket suddenly, realization blooming on his face.
"That's right! I had one more thing, for decorations, I forgot to put it up. Here, I'll just-" And he pushed the table closer to the tree and jumped up on it. He pulled something out of his pocket, a bundle of green and white and red. Mistletoe, Derek thought, and started for a minute before realizing it was fake. Of course it was. Stiles tied the mistletoe to the lamp hanging from the tall ceiling with a red ribbon. Finished, he hopped down and pushed the table back to its original position.
Derek stared at him, because, well, Stiles had just tied a bundle of mistletoe to his lamp and then proceeded to stand underneath it, fidgeting. How was Derek supposed to take this? Because if he was reading this wrong, then Stiles really needed pay more attention to the signals his actions were sending. The IPod switched to the next song, Stiles's favorite, and Derek honestly thought it was going to be something like "Jingle Bell Rock" or "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer".
Frank Sinatra crooned from the stereo and Derek recognized Laura's favorite version of "I'll Be Home for Christmas". Stiles shuffled awkwardly, and Derek couldn't help it, he took a step towards him. Derek reached for him, wrapped a hand around his waist and pulled him closer. He was terrified for one moment that Stiles would push him away, laugh him off and go home. That Derek had it all wrong, no matter how clear the signs were.
But in the next moment, Stiles's arms came up to wrap around Derek's neck and Derek tipped his forehead forward to lean it against Stiles's. He brought his other hand up to rest on Stiles's other hip, and almost unconsciously, started to sway. It was ridiculous. They slowly shuffled in a small circle under the mistletoe, neither of them talking. The only light came from the tacky multi-colored lights on the tree and the weak moonlight peeking through the window. The only sound was Frank Sinatra's voice filling the blank space, and the slight tinkling from the bells on Stiles's antlers. He was dancing with Stiles on Christmas Eve, under mistletoe, while Stiles wore a set of garish antlers. It was terribly romantic.
The song drew to a slow close, and their swaying came to an end at the same time. Derek could hear Stiles's heartbeat flutter wildly. Derek knew this was the part where they kissed. It was perfect. Derek's heart pounded in time with Stiles's because he had wanted this too, for so long, and this was real, this was actually happening. They were already so close, he barely had to move at all to press his lips against Stiles's. It was everything, in that moment, that Derek thought kissing Stiles would be. Soft, gentle, with the undercurrent of frantic desperation. Derek opened his mouth almost immediately. It had been so long.
Derek felt Stiles tighten his grip around his shoulders, answering his desperation with equal fervor. That's when "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" came on the IPod. Stiles froze, something very close to terror flitting across his face. Maybe it was the stress, maybe it was even just sheer joy from finally having Stiles in his arms, but Derek just cracked. He leaned back and laughed. Laughed deeper and longer than he could remember since Laura died. Since the fire. Since all this shit his life had become.
But it wasn't shit. He Stiles, he had a pack, he had a family. He didn't know why it had taken him so long to see it, why it took a pack invasion on Christmas Eve to see it, but he finally did.
"Oh my god. This is awful. I ruined it. Oh my god. I'm such an idiot." Stiles was blubbering, while the song burst happily into the second chorus. Stiles tried to push away, but Derek wasn't having it. It had taken them too long to get here, he didn't intend to let Stiles get away easily now.
"No, Stiles." Derek said, laughter still rumbling in his chest, his voice. "Stiles, it's perfect. It's perfect."
Stiles stopped pulling away, and a small smile twitched at his lips.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." Derek said, cupping Stiles's face in his hands. "It's perfect."