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Ronan walked into the kitchen on a Saturday morning and stopped dead at the door, all grogginess leaving him suddenly, as he saw Adam making breakfast at the counter.
He rubbed his eyes and when the image did not disappear, he realized that yesterday night— Adam coming here late at night, them embracing each other tightly, Adam whispering something like “I’m sorry”, Ronan replying some reassurance and then carrying him up to bed where they fell asleep in each others arms— wasn't another dream. Adam had really come here yesterday night. And after two week of not seeing him, it was overwhelming seeing him here wearing Ronan's hoodie of all things, because apparently he wanted to give his boyfriend a heart attack.
Adam had been too busy with his jobs this week and had to cancel every plan they made. At the start of the week, Ronan had gone over to St. Agnes at night but Adam came back late and had to wake up early for another shift, so Ronan didn't want to keep him up and exhaust him more. He wished Adam didn't still live at St. Agnes, that way they could at least see each other every day, but Ronan knew these things were important for Adam. He wouldn't always completely understand, but he was trying to, and he knew independence was important to Adam.
The rational part of him knew that Adam had been busy, but there was a deeper part of him that couldn't help but think that maybe Adam was better off without him. He had gotten better at accepting himself, but being alone here made it easier to believe the voice in his head saying he wasn't loved.
Wrapping his arms around Adam, Ronan buried his face in Adam's hair, inhaling his scent. Even as warmth filled his body, the voice in his mind was still there, saying; what will you do once he's gone? What will you do without him? He tried to ignore it and inhaled deeply.
“You're not falling asleep on me, are you, Lynch?” Adam asked, covering Ronan's arms with his.
Ronan grumbled incoherently.
“Do you have any plans for today?” Adam asked, leaning back against Ronan's chest.
Ronan shook his head against Adam's neck, still not feeling upto talking.
“Would you want to get ice cream after breakfast?”
“Are you asking me on a date, Parrish?” he finally found his words just to be a little shit.
“We’ve been dating for months, Lynch.” Adam's voice was exasperated but fond and Ronan's neck warmed at the casual way Adam said it.
“Still doesn't answer my question,” he retorted.
“Yes, I am.”
“Alright then,” Ronan said, pressing a kiss to the back of Adam's neck.
Adam turned in his arms to face him, kissing him properly. “Good morning,” he murmured against Ronan’s lips. “Sleep well?”
Ronan hummed a yes. “You?”
“Yeah.”
Just then, Opal came barreling in the kitchen, exclaiming happily as she saw adam. “Adam! You’re here! I missed you!”
Releasing Ronan, Adam kneeled down to hug her. "I missed you, too. How are you?”
“Good,” she said excitedly. “I caught so many fireflies yesterday!”
“That's nice,” Adam said, a fond smile on his lips and Ronan's heart swelled at seeing them like this.
“Come on, let's eat breakfast,'' Adam said, and they set the breakfast and sat down to eat.
The rest of the day passed similarly, they went to get ice cream after that. Though Adam kept getting lost in thoughts and when Ronan asked, he brushed it off. Ronan told himself to not get bothered because whatever it was, when Adam wanted to, he would talk about it. Then after coming back home, they strolled around the barns before they started making lunch, well Adam didn't let Ronan do much as he said that he wanted to do this for Ronan or something, making Ronan grumble to hide the blush on his cheeks. After that, they sat in the living room where Adam read a story to Opal who listened with rapt attention as she always did when Adam read her stories. But, all through the day, the voice didn't leave. It was always there, sometimes dull and low but sometimes so loud and prominent that Ronan had to suck in a deep breath. The past two weeks had made him realize what it was like to be away from Adam, and though the day was so so good, his fears didn't let him feel completely content.
When Opal went outside to play again, Adam asked him if he wanted to go on a drive and so they did. The drive was mostly silent, except for a few talks here and there. Then after a while Adam said, “Ronan?”
“Yeah?” Ronan glanced at him to find him already looking back. He was worrying his lower lips and fiddling with his hands nervously.
“I… Nevermind,” Adam said with a sigh.
Frowning at the road, Ronan asked, “What is it? You’ve been kinda lost today.”
“It's nothing, we can talk about it later.”
“Is everything okay?” Ronan asked still, to be sure.
“Yeah,” Adam replied absently, looking out the window and obviously thinking again.
Ronan decided not to press on too much, he knew Adam overthought and analysed things before saying, and if he needed to think about whatever he wanted to bring up, Ronan would wait. He didn't like the sinking feeling in his stomach that Adam's behavior brought though, but there wasn't anything he could do. And if it increased the voice in his head, now going: ‘ You did something wrong. You fucked up again’ , well all he could do was try his best to ignore it.
As they stopped the car and got down to watch the sunset, Adam still had the furrow in his brows. They sat on the hood of the car in silence for sometime, just watching the sun set slowly, before Adam spoke.
"There's something I wanted to talk about," Adam said.
“That was pretty obvious,” Ronan replied, trying to ignore the rapid beating of his pulse.
“Um.. we haven't been together for too long and it… I'm leaving soon. And this week was...hard to say the least," Adam continued, making Ronan's fears and doubts turn into more awful things. What if this week had made Adam realize that he didn't want the long distance relationship and that Ronan wasn't worth it? What if Adam wanted to break up? What if today was just so he could let Ronan down easily?
He looked down at his hands, blinking hard against the burning in his eyes. Fuck he couldn't do this… What would he do without Adam? He knew he didn't deserve him but he didn't want to lose him just yet. He had thought they would have more time. Adam had been so close but yet far away at first, then finally Ronan had what he wanted and it was like a dream, but what would he do now if it would end? Now that he knew what it was like being loved by Adam Parrish, how could he live without it?
"Shit, I'm rambling sorry," Adam said, then hurried in one breath, "I know it's probably too soon or something but my lease for St. Agnes is ending soon and I thought since I spend most of the time in the barns anyway. So, what do you think about me moving in?"
Ronan blinked once. Then again. Did he hear that right? Was Adam just saying that he wanted to move in? He wasn't breaking up with Ronan?
Adam probably took Ronan's silence as hesitation as he said, "I know it's all of a sudden and impulsive! I don't know what I was thinking i’m-"
"You idiot," Ronan finally managed to grit out, moving to cup Adam's cheeks. The other boy stared at him in confusion and a hint of hurt and Ronan shook his head. "You fucking idiot. I thought you were breaking up."
"I- You what? How?"
"You were rambling about leaving and I thought you didn't want a long distance relationship anymore and this week made you realize that I'm not worth all this-" He hated the way his voice shook with fear and so many fucking emotions.
"Ronan, no, why the hell would I think that?" Adam looked appalled at the thought. He brought up his hands to cover Ronan's wrists. "I've told you, you're it for me. I love you and you're worth every distance, every long drive I will have to make to see you again. I always want to be with you. Two weeks away from you won't change it. If anything it just made me realize how much I need you. And that's why I brought up moving in. But if you don't want that then-"
"Are you crazy?" Ronan interrupted, shutting his eyes as he felt the tears escape. Fuck he hated this. "Of course I want that! I've wanted it for so long but I could never ask because I was scared and I didn't want to make you feel pressurised or something."
Adam moved his hands to cup ronan’s face as well, wiping away the tears. “I'm so sorry I fucked up by rambling so much. I was really nervous.”
“It's okay, shithead. But don't ever scare me like that again.”
“I won't,” Adam promised, then with a hesitant smile, prompted, "So it's a yes then?"
"Of course it's a yes," Ronan said, capturing Adam's lips in a deep kiss.
---
Some days later, Ronan woke up to an empty bed, which in itself wasn't anything unusual, but he would have expected that the day after Adam moved in, he'd have woken up tangled with him. But that wasn't the case. The bed was empty and the other side was cold, meaning Adam had been up for a while. Ronan sat up with a frown, rubbing his eyes.
He heard some voices outside the room and then the door opened and Adam and Opal entered, carrying trays of food.
Ronan's lips broke into a wide smile—he had definitely not been pouting before, thank you very much.
"Good morning," Adam greeted him as they walked over to him, placing the trays on the bed. "We made you breakfast."
"Wasn't I supposed to do this for you since you're the one who moved in?" Ronan asked, smile widening as Adam leaned down to kiss him softly.
"I don't know. You can return the favour later," Adam whispered against his lips, and a thrill ran down his spine; Adam was here with him now and they'd always have a later.
‘Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm looking right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy
Coming back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along’