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He had done it.
He had graduated from Aglionby. He would be going to college soon. He would leave.
Adam held the diploma tightly in his hands as he walked off the podium. He looked over the crowd and the photographers capturing the event to his friends and Blue's family, and Ronan.
At first it hadn't been certain if Ronan would come or not. School had never been the same for them. Adam hadn't known if he would want to voluntarily spend more time here and that too for a boring event. But just that morning, Ronan had said he would. When Adam had asked if he was sure and he really didn't need to, Ronan had assured him that he knew what his limits were and it was okay. So now here he was, standing with Blue and her family and cheering for Adam. Even from a distance, Adam could see the openly proud grin on his face.
He walked towards them, his own lips breaking into a smile as Ronan ran the last steps towards him and pulled him in a tight embrace. He thought he could hear Henry already taking pictures with Gansey and Blue but at that moment, he didn't care.
“I’m so fucking proud of you,” Ronan said next to his right ear, pressing a light kiss there.
Adam’s chest was already tight with emotions and Ronan really wasn't helping. Adam tightened his arms around him, trying to pour all his love and gratitude in the hug. Maybe it was because he felt sort of high on happiness right now, fear or hesitation a thing he couldn't even think of. Maybe because Ronan being here was already such a declaration of how much this, Adam, them , meant to him. Maybe because Adam had already analysed this thing since Ronan kissed him in his childhood bedroom, even before that actually. He could understand his past self's doubt and uncertainty of whether he could ever love someone properly and he knew even in the future, there would still be times when he would question himself, times when the cruel voice in the back of his head would be too loud.
But here right now, it was the truest thing he knew.
He pulled back but still kept his hands on the back of Ronan's neck, holding him close. “I love you,” he breathed out.
“Jesus fuck,” Ronan mumbled with a sharp inhale and kissed him deeply. “I love you, too. Fuck, did you have to say that here with so many goddamn people. Let's just go home.”
Adam chuckled breathlessly. He was endlessly happy. “Henry will kill us if we don't stay for his pictures and Blue will kill us if we don't say goodbye.”
Ronan groaned in complaint but agreed.
So they stood for Henry's pictures and selfies and even videos. Ronan pulled Adam towards the professional photographer and waved off Adam’s protests when Adam pointed out that they were usually never delivered.
---
He was leaving tomorrow.
Adam stood in front of the wall with the Lynch family pictures, eyes roaming around the photographs that he knew by heart now, along with the stories that came with them that Ronan, and sometimes Declan and Matthew too, had told him. The Barns was filled with magical and beautiful things, machines that shouldn't work, animals that wouldn't even exist in children’s stories, birds with colors and voices that didn't have a name, but this wall with ordinary photographs often made Adam stop in his tracks. It was just...something different. Maybe because it was probably the most normal thing in this house. Maybe because Adam never had any family pictures like this. Maybe because even though the Lynch family had been far from perfect, this was a reminder that there was always love and laughter here. Maybe because it was what a family actually looked like.
Tomorrow, he was going and leaving this place behind. His chest hurt with the knowledge.
He heard footsteps padding down the hall and even before strong arms wrapped around his waist from behind, he knew who it was. Covering Ronan’s arms with his, he leaned back against his chest.
“Don't,” Ronan said against his neck, voice strained with emotions he was trying to keep back. “We still have one day. Let's just- let's pretend for today. Please.”
They were both doing this today. Absently making a plan for next weekend before stopping mid-sentence and pretending the slip didn't happen, staring at the shitbox waiting in the driveway and making a joke when the other found them. Pretending that everything wasn’t reminding of what was coming tomorrow. Pretending that they still had time. Pretending that this didn't already feel like a limb being torn apart.
How could it hurt so much when he hadn't even left yet?
Adam closed his eyes. When he was sure his voice wouldn't break, he said, “Okay.”
Thought he knew they couldn't do that till tomorrow. All the planning and packing was finished so it wasn't about that- they could easily go without talking about that. But they couldn't pretend till tomorrow. Because in the dark everything hurt more. They knew from experience over those months that it was harder to pretend at nights when they were lying next to each other and could easily hear the hitch in the breaths or the sniffles. There had been many nights at the start, when they were still learning to lean on each other for comfort and would try to not show when they were hurting. But they could never hide at night.
However for now, Ronan held him tighter and Adam saw the photographs for one last time.
---
He was waiting for Ronan’s call.
They had a routine of talking in evenings after Adam had finished with classes and homework and Ronan with farm and dreaming work; whichever one of them would be free first would call and would wait for the other to finish. Adam loved the domesticity of those moments where he would sit and hear Ronan talk to Opal and Chainsaw or curse at some dream thing as he made his way back to the house, or hearing Ronan humming something under his breath as he waited for Adam to finish an essay or excuse himself from the Crying club and come back to the dorm. It reminded him of being at the Barns, sharing space with Ronan without having to interact all the time.
On Sundays though, Adam would wait for Ronan to call. After church, the brothers would go for lunch and depending on how much Ronan and Declan were trying to be civil and get along- which was more often these days- their visit would be extended.
So, not wanting to disturb them, Adam would wait. Ronan, of course, didn’t keep this routine and would sometimes call when he was still with his brothers saying that Matthew wanted to talk to him too, which never failed to surprise Adam. Ronan would be even more surprised though, when Declan would join too to ask Adam something about studying or campus or how liked that bookstore Declan had suggested. He apparently still found it hard to believe that Adam actually texted with Declan often- Adam knew it was a ruse but he didn't call him out on it.
Now, he sat on his desk, getting some reading done while he occasionally glanced at his phone. Not in the desperate when-will-my-boyfriend-call-me sort of way, mind you. He was patient to wait since he knew Ronan loved spending extra time with Matthew and though he didn’t admit, Declan too. And them meeting meant Matthew would send Adam more selfies with Ronan which went into the folder of Ronan’s pictures that Adam would look at when missing him hurt too much.
No, he kept looking at his phone because his wallpaper was too distracting. Blue had taken it at Fox way on the porch after they had been invited for dinner. A candid shot of them; Ronan's arm slung around his shoulder and his face open in a joyful laugh, Adam looking up at him with a smirk. Adam had asked Blue to send it to him and kept it as his wallpaper. When Ronan had seen it, he had grumbled about how sappy that was, but there had been a bright flush on his face and his voice had been way too fond. Later that day, he had sent it to his phone and asked Adam how to keep wallpapers because he sucked at those things. Adam had only teased him a little, taking mercy on his flustered face. And it's not like having matching wallpapers didn't make him giddy too- they really were very sappy.
When his phone rang, he went to lie down on his bed and picked it up.
Ronan was talking to someone as his voice sounded distant when he yelled “I fucking hate you!” but it was said with a wild laugh that seemed to echo around, what Adam assumed was the living room.
Before Adam could ask, Ronan’s voice came near the phone again and he said, “He fucking threw me in the pool!” Adam assumed he meant Matthew but then Ronan yelled at someone again, “You’re lucky Matthew had my phone, dumbass or I’d fucking kill you!”
“ Declan threw you in the pool?” Adam asked, surprised.
In the background, he could hear Declan say something like “Oh yeah now you care about your phone that you so hated.”
Adam's heart was doing weird things at the aforementioned fact.
“He did!” Ronan said. “I was telling Matthew it would be fun to swim in it soon and this bastard was like here you go and shoved me.”
“I hardly nudged you!” Declan defended, voice closer now. “It's not my fault you have shitty balance.”
Adam heard more rustling and muttered curses and a thump that sounded like the phone falling, so he assumed they had started jostling. He shook his head, an amused smile on his lips.
“Guys you’re getting water all over the floor!” he heard Matthew complain then closer, “Hey Adam.”
“Hi Matthew,” Adam said. “Did he throw Declan in too?”
“Of course. He grabbed him while falling so they both fell down. And-” Here he broke into fits of giggles before he managed, “And Declan had his phone on him! It's probably waterproof though but he was horrified you should have seen him.”
Adam chuckled. “Tell me you took a picture.”
“Of course I have a whole video!”
“What?!” Ronan and Declan exclaimed in unison from somewhere in the room and then there was thumping of fast footsteps.
“Don't worry, Adam!” Matthew panted, laughing. He sounded like he was running too. “Even if Ronan deletes it. I have- I already sent it to my phone- shit I almost slipped- I’ll send to you.”
“That would be awesome,” Adam said with a laugh. The brothers were really something else.
There was more laughing, then Ronan said, “Fuck tell me he didn’t already send it to you.”
“Aw come on, I wanna see,” Adam said.
“He’ll send it to you anyway,” Ronan groaned. “I’m not keeping it in my phone any longer. God, I need to change these soaked clothes.”
Adam turned to his side, listening to the rustling and distant curses that meant Ronan's jeans had probably got stuck around his feet and then Ronan's voice was back next to his ear.
“Remember how fun making the pool that day had been?”
“Yeah,” Adam said, smiling at the memory. “Opal loved it.”
“She had been insufferable after though. She always refused to leave.”
“God, yeah.”
“We should swim there again when you visit.”
“Definitely,” Adam agreed. He looked up at the calendar though he had memorized the date. “Just three weeks now.”
“Yeah,” Ronan said softly. “I can't wait to see you.”
“Me too,” Adam said. If he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend that Ronan was here. But the bed was too cold and didn't smell anything like Ronan. Still he kept his eyes closed, breathing in deeply. “I can't wait to come home.”
---
He was home.
Adam parked behind the BMW, breathing in the fresh air already so different from Cambridge. As he got down from the car, he heard the door slam open and turned to see Ronan walking down the stairs and breaking into a run. Adam barely had time to close the car door before he found himself engulfed in warm arms. He clung back to Ronan, hands cradling the back of his head as always.
“Hi,” he said, muffled in Ronan’s shoulder.
“Hey,” Ronan said, brushing a kiss on his temple as he pulled back, eyes drinking in Adam’s face. “Fuck, I missed you.”
“I missed you too,” Adam said before leaning in to kiss him.
Ronan sighed against his lips, making his fingers tingle, before kissing him back. The kiss was desperate, like he had been starving before. Adam felt the same.
“Opal was waiting to see you again,” Ronan told him as they pulled back. “She had even collected flowers and rocks for you, but she fell asleep in Declan’s room now.”
Adam smiled at the thought. He had missed her a lot. “Let's let her sleep,” Adam said. “I’ll see her in the morning.”
They abandoned the bags in the car for now, as Ronan pulled Adam towards the house, peppering kisses on his cheek and neck.
Adam half heartedly glanced around as they entered the house, looking at the house still the same-
“Ronan, wait,” he said, stopping in front of the pictures in the hall with his mouth agape.
“What?” Ronan asked, nosing under his jaw.
“What- what is this?” he asked, staring at the wall. The old pictures were all the same but now there were new ones from his graduation; most of them taken by Henry and then there were the ones that the photographers had taken.
Adam's heart was threatening to beat out of goddamn chest.
Ronan reluctantly lifted his head from Adam's neck and looked over at the wall. “Oh yeah, it turns out you were wrong. It didn't take forever, but just some months.”
“You- You bought them?”
“Yeah.”
“Why? They are- they are always so expensive. You shouldn't have...”
“They were nice,” Ronan said, trying to make the words casual with a shrug. “And well it helped having them here. It’s stupid but it made me feel closer to you guys. And I know I could have just dreamt shit like this, but that would- every photograph here was taken you know? I just...I just wanted it to be real, too. Family tradition, I guess.”
Adam blinked against the prickling in his eyes. He had slowly gotten used to Ronan's casual affection and love and returning it, but sometimes Ronan still surprised him by saying things like that.
Family.
Adam Parrish had a family now.
Ronan continued, “And it was... I mean it hurt too much looking at those old pictures sometimes, but the new ones help because I know you all are coming back.”
Giving up the fight against his tears, Adam hugged Ronan again, placing his head on his shoulder while they looked at the wall.
He feared that if he tried to say something about the pictures right now, he would end up crying right here in the hall, so sniffling, he said, “Are you telling me you actually messaged Henry?”
“Yeah he was such a smug asshole about it,” Ronan complained. “I'm never doing that again.”
“You are...” Adam looked at the pictures again, throat closing up again. All five of them in the one Maura had taken. The one of Adam with Maura and Calla, both women smiling so proudly. Henry’s selfie of Gansey and Blue kissing in the background. Another of the three of them taken by Adam; Henry and blue squishing Gansey between them in a hug. The ones of Adam and Ronan hugging and kissing- Adam hadn’t realised Henry was taking their pics already.
He stepped forwards and brushed his fingers over the one where Ronan was looking at Adam in a mixture of shock and happiness. “This is...” he murmured, blinking as a tear fell.
“Yeah,” Ronan said, cupping his face to brush away the tear. His brow furrowed slightly, gaze intense like he was debating whether this was a good or bad reaction, but he seemed to understand as he grinned and said, “This is my holy-shit-Adam-Parrish-loves-me face. Should I send him a fruit basket for capturing this?”
“Shit, remember how much you used to complain that he would take too many pictures in the same pose?” Adam said with a wet laugh.
“Hey, I stand by that. He has like fifty pictures of the day he styled Blue’s hair. This was just a lucky exception.”
“It was,” Adam admitted. “I should keep this as my phone wallpaper now.”
“Fuck no. I look like an idiot in this. I'm not gonna keep that.”
“Oh when did we become the couples with matching wallpapers?”
“You're the one who started it,” Ronan grumbled, a flush rising up his neck.
“No, you were just too lazy to choose another picture for yourself.”
“Okay maybe I liked having similar wallpapers. Sue me.” The top of his ears were also red now.
“God, you're such a sap,” Adam murmured, chest impossibly warm.
“Shut up,” Ronan grumbled, effectively stopping him from saying more by kissing him.