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They noticed it in their third year of Hogwarts.
James and Peter had invented a game, which frankly started as an attempt to sneak into the girls' dormitory, where they would try to best each other at climbing the tower by bracing their hands and feet against the walls of the stairwell and walk themselves up one limb at the time. Eventually their arms would tire and their legs would buckle and they'd come crashing down on the stone steps, immediately changing it into a flat slide and ejecting the mischief makers back into the Gryffindor common room, howling with that kind of nervous energetic laughter only just-pubescent teens can produce.
The goal was nothing as nefarious as peeping, although they might have considered it an unexpected benefit, but to simply be as annoying to the girls as they could, hoping they would emerge to chase them off, and give them the attention they inexplicably craved.
Marlene McKinnon was more than happy to provide this attention as she'd come bounding out of the dormitory for the eleventh time in an afternoon, with an ill-concealed grin on her face, shouting profanities, blonde hair flying behind her.
Peter would let himself get caught and cower down, hands over his head and giggling frantically, receiving a half-hearted tackle and a slap on the back of his head as reward. James, on the other hand, took pride in out running her. And Mary McDonald, and Dorcas Meadows. The young chaser would land on his feet, sprint across the room, leap over furniture and use one of his housemates as a human shield against the advancing witches.
To his immense disappointment, Lily Evans consistently ignored his efforts to ruffle her feathers, and instead turned her nose up, hooked arms with Alice Fortescue, called him a prat and swanned off to find her friend Severus Snape.
Up until this point they had all been too embarrassed to even set foot on the girl's staircase. Having it turn flat beneath their feet would have been mortifying to the young wizards, the prospect of being teased about a presumed interest in girls the worst possible humiliation.
But sometime between their second and third year something had shifted.
Not so much for Remus, who remained seemingly unfazed by the presence of girls. He was already on good terms with Lily, and the other girls didn't seem to mind him, which suited him just fine.
The afternoon when James and Peter invented their new game was a blustery one in October.
They had breezed through their homework and quickly exhausted both chess and gobstones, leaving them itching for something more exciting to do with their unspent energy.
At first they had charmed paper planes to sail around the common room and divebomb unsuspecting students, but when the third-year girls had had enough of their antics and retreated to their rooms the game had lost its appeal.
"I bet…" James started, mischief lighting up his dark brown eyes, "that I could climb up those stairs and knock on the girls' door."
"No way, mate!" Sirius snorted, "What are you going to do, run so fast that you reach the top before the steps change?"
"It doesn't work," Peter agreed, "Fabian Prewett already tried."
"Don't try to levitate yourself, it's been done already, and failed every time," Remus remarked, not taking his eyes off the book he was reading.
"Firstly, Prewett is a beater, I'm a chaser, I'm faster…"
"On a broom."
"Irrelevant, I'm faster! But that's not my plan anyway, look…" And with that he got up from his seat and sauntered over to the girls' stairs, flashing the rest of them a confident grin over his shoulder.
The three friends paid attention then, because whether or not this idea would work, or fail spectacularly, it was bound to be a good show.
James paused in front of the stairwell for a moment, trying to decide where to begin his ascents, eventually propping his right hand flat against the wall, stepping onto the opposite wall with his left foot and heaving himself up. He hovered there for a few seconds, spread-eagle between the walls, knees and elbows quivering with the strain of it. Then he started climbing, slowly, one limb at the time.
That's when a door opened on one of the landings above him, and the sound of shoes on stone steps began to echo down the spiral stairwell, accompanied by the excited chatter of Lily, Marlene and Dorcas. As if under a body-bind hex, unable to move, James looked up just as the three young witches rounded the last corner of the spiral, and found him suspended halfway up the first curve like an Acromantula. For a beat, the four students were silent, staring at each other.
What had happened next had seemed to the rest of Gryffindor tower to happen in slow motion.
"Potter! What in Medusa's hair are you…" Marlene started, just as James' joints finally gave in and he fell face first onto the stone steps.
The moment his skin touched stone the steps shifted, and disappeared beneath them. Beneath all four of them, that is, unexpectedly sending not only the mischievous wizard, but the three annoyed witches as well, skidding into the common room, the three girls slamming into James where he lay, in a pile of school robes, feet and faces.
The room had erupted in laughter at the spectacle, of course, as well as Lily's cursing James' name into next week.
That had been the start of it. And so commenced an evening of James and Peter betting chocolate frog cards and quidditch memorabilia against each other, trying to out-do each other, and Marlene and Mary chasing them around the common room.
Lily had predictably taken Alice with her and left, but Dorcas, Remus and Frank Longbottom took up roles as spectators come cheerleaders, while Sirius eagerly bounced on the balls of his feet for an opportunity to join the game.
Soon enough came a lull in the game where Peter took just a little too long catching his breath before his climb, allowing Sirius to tackle him out of the way and nimbly scale the walls. He would have done well had he not been a little too short, and soon his feet slipped off the walls. He quickly let his hands go as well and landed on his feet on the stairs.
That's when they noticed it, that something about Sirius Black was different. Because when his feet touched the stone it did not change. It remained solid underneath him, and he stood there for a moment, back towards the silent common room, staring at his unmoving feet.
It felt like time stood still, for a lifetime at least, while he stood there, not daring to turn around, not knowing what to make of this.
***
"I am not a boy."
Walburga Black sighed and rubbed her forehead hard with her fingertips. Her head felt like it was the size of her heavily pregnant stomach, and here was her firstborn, making a fuss again.
"Sirius, I swear to Salazar, one more word out of your mouth and I'll whip you so hard you won't dare speak for a week. Put your clothes on right now."
This had started to become more than mildly annoying to her and her husband. They had been so pleased when their first son was born - beautiful pale eyes and dark hair, flawless skin, delicate aristocratic features, even as an infant - but from the moment they had taken him home from St. Mungo's he had been nothing but trouble.
He would not take the breast at first, then refused to sleep through the night, and would cry and fuss through the day. As soon as he could crawl he would pull tablecloths off tables, get under his father's feet, escape his mother and harass Kreacher, the family's house elf. From the moment he could talk he was obnoxious, always refusing to do as he was told until he was made to, and always asking questions, questioning their orders.
And now this . Walburga had had it up to here.
"You are not a girl , Sirius, you are the heir to the Ancient and Moste Noble House of Black, so help me Merlin, I will curse your mouth shut again!"
***
Sirius' fingers tingled with the rush of adrenaline as he opened the ornate box on his mother's dressing table. Careful not to make a sound he unscrewed the top of a shiny red lipstick.
It took him tensing every muscle in his body to keep still enough to paint his lips, but he was non the less pleased with the result. It suited him.
He looked at his face from different angles in the vanity mirror, turning this way and that, holding his hair up, pushing it over his forehead like a fringe.
He didn't look like a girl, exactly. But he also wasn't quite sure what that would look like. He didn't really look like a boy either, though, despite his parents insisting on it. Again, he wasn't sure what they expected a boy to look like, either.
He didn't feel like a "boy", it felt wrong, somehow. It wasn't right. But "girl" was wrong, too.
He studied the face that stared back at him from the mirror, for several minutes.
"Sirius," he whispered to himself. "Sirius. Not a boy, or a girl, just Sirius."
And Sirius smiled.
"Sisi?"
Regulus had suddenly appeared in their mother's bedroom door, and following close behind was Kreacher.
Sirius' face fell.
"Master Sirius in trouble now, touching Mistress' private things, for the last time, Kreacher thinks," the elf sneered.
He was about the same height as Regulus was now, but whereas the youngest Black adored his older sibling, the house elf had nothing but disdain for the heir to the Family. He turned on his heel, scurrying off down the hall of Grimauld Place.
Sirius snapped out of it then, frantically shoving Walburga's make-up back into its box and slamming the lid shut, they darted for the door to follow the vengeful elf, scooping Regulus up on his way.
They didn't make it far down the hall, Regulus was surprisingly heavy, for being barely half Sirius' size, and Kreacher was surprisingly quick for an old creature.
In the hall outside the bedrooms they practically collided with their mother and their house elf, and, in an attempt to avoid doing so, Sirius slipped on the polished hardwood floor and fell at Walburga's feet, Regulus squirming on top of them.
The shriek she let out, at the sight before her, was almost as terrifying as the look on her face, and startled the toddler, who began to cry.
That heart-wrenching cry rang in Sirius' ears throughout the beating that followed. Whether the child was actually still crying, or even in the room, they didn't know for sure. For all they knew it might have been their own cries that rang through the air in the Black mansion that day.
Their father's hard grasp left bruises on their arms, their mother's many rings cut their face, and their vision went black when their head cracked against the heavy oak desk in Orion Black's study. Curses and hexes flashed through the room, but they heard rather than felt their own body thud against the book cases, as if they were watching from somewhere far away through a keyhole.
When the ringing in their ears had subsidised they found themself still on the floor, of their bedroom, this time. For a long time they remained there, not daring to move, lest that would summon their parents, and a fresh bout of rage.
The floor under their cheek shimmered in the light from the bedroom lamp. It must be dark outside, then.
Carefully Sirius moved the fingers of the hand they could see on the floor in front of them. The movement disturbed the shimmer on the floor, and they realised then that their hand lay in something tacky, which was reflecting the light.
They lifted their head, and the whole left side of their face was tacky, their hair stuck to their forehead. They winced as their tongue found the place where their bottom lip had split.
Blood. Dried on their face and sticky on the floor, the light from the bedroom lamp dancing on its smooth surface.
On shaky legs they made their way to the bathroom, supporting themself with a hand against the wall on the landing.
Inside they undressed and drew a bath. Their body screamed as they lowered themself into the warm water, which turned a dirty pink from the blood desolving in it. Washing themself hurt too much, so they just lay there, until the water had gone uncomfortably cool, then they sat on the edge of the bath. There was some dittany in the cupboard under the sink, which they dabbled on their cuts and bruises.
Not bothering with pyjamas, they crept back to their room and slipped between the cool sheets. Kreacher would have to clean up the mess on the floor with house elf magic, Sirius themself was too tired and too hurt, and, without a wand, the effort would be beyond them.
Orion and Walburga Black would pay for this. When Sirius was strong enough, they would make sure of it. Soon they would go off to Hogwarts, where they would learn magic to fend them off, and protect Regulus. This must never be allowed to happen to the boy, and Sirius would make sure of it.
***
"Sirius. Not a boy, or a girl, just Sirius . "
The first to speak was Frank:
"Black, what in Merlin's broom balm…?"
"What's wrong with Sirius?" Dorcas whispered.
Another beat of silence.
"Nothing is wrong with him, right mate?"
James more declared than asked, hurrying over to drag his friend from the steps, stopped just short of stepping on them himself.
Sirius glanced over their shoulder, wide eyes meeting James' equally startled expression.
At that moment Remus appeared behind him, followed shortly by Peter. The latter bore an expression of utter confusion on his face, but the tawny-haired Welsh boy looked strangely unfazed, almost as if he would smile, that gentle smile that softened the roughness of his scarred, scrawny little face.
"C'mon mate, let's go."
Tentatively, Sirius turned around on the spot, as if expecting the stairs to change their mind at any time and send them crashing into their friends. Then they took a step down, and another, and planted their feet on the common room rug.
The room remained silent as the four third-years marched off to their own dorm room, except for Marlene, who had come back out of the girls' dormitory to see why the commotion had stopped.
"Sirius, are you OK?"
But the door to the boys' dorm had already slammed shut behind them.
***
James sat down next to Sirius on their bed, while Peter and Remus took their seats on the next bed over, which belonged to Remus.
Sirius kept their eyes on their knees and shook their head, but said nothing by way of an explanation.
James shoved their shoulder gently with his own.
"What happened out there? How come you can go up the girls' stairs?"
"You're not a girl, are you?" Peter blurted out before he could stop himself.
"Idiot, of course he's not a girl, we've shared a bathroom together since first year, don't you think we'd have noticed if he was a girl?"
"Sorry, I just meant that…"
"Merlin's beard, I'm not a girl!"
Sirius snapped their head up, annoyed, and glared between the two.
"But you're not a boy?" Remus tested the waters, treading lightly as to not step on his friend's toes.
"Otherwise the stairs would have changed when you touched them."
"No. I don't know…"
"How can he be not a boy and not a girl either?" Peter asked, more aimed at Remus than the two dark-haired Gryffindors.
"I dunno, Pete, snails can change from one to the other," James interjected with a shrug, before Remus could answer.
"Snails can do that!?"
"I think it's snails… or frogs? Which is it, Remus?"
Remus looked nauseated. Sirius had dropped their gaze to their lap again, but their ears were practically glowing red, and their knuckles were white where they were gripping the edge of the bed, hard.
"Firstly; clown fish can change one way, parrot fish can change the other way, banana slugs are both, the blackfin goby can be either, and yes, some frogs can change from male to female if they've become infertile…"
"So Sirius is a banana slug?"
"No, more like a blackfin gobby."
" Goby , and no, that's not what I'm saying, all I'm saying is…"
"That it is more complicated than that."
Sirius suddenly speaking had taken the others quite by surprise. They turned towards them now, to find that Sirius was looking straight up at Remus.
"Yes," Remus whispered, not averting his golden eyes from Sirius' pale grey. "Just because something looks like it should be one way, doesn't mean that's what it's really like."
"And just because we think we know what something is like, that doesn't mean that's what they are really like."
It was Remus' turn to look away now, down at his lap. But he nodded in silent agreement, hoping his body language would come off as contemplative and wise, rather than, frankly, exposed. Something in Sirius' eyes made him feel like they could see right through him. The words " as with werewolves " weren't spoken, but they didn't need to be. He knew they suspected him - Sirius would nail him with that look sometimes, when his joints ached before the Moon, or when he came back limping - and Lily had been dangerously close to walking in on him talking to Madame Pomfrey in the hospital wing after she had tried to help him with yet another experimental potion to control his condition.
"Like Hagrid?" Predictably, Peter broke the tension again.
"What about her?" James wasn't following the chubby boy's train of thought.
"Hagrid's got a beard," Peter continued, "But she's a lady."
James rolled his eyes.
"That's a giant-thing, Pete!"
"Actually, it's not." Remus rejoined the conversation with regained confidence to steer it back on course.
"You're thinking about dwarves. All dwarves have beards, not all giants. Hagrid is just a lady with a beard." He shrugged.
The other three contemplated this for a moment, humming in affirmative realisation.
It was really as simple as that, after all. The steps to the girls' dormitory hadn't changed when Sirius stepped on them, because they were not a boy. Not a girl either, they knew that, but it was harder to believe, even for themself, that they were not a boy, when all their life they had been told that they were one, should be one, must be one.
Not really noticing what they did, they reached up and touched their bottom lip, where it had been split open, years before.
They were not a boy, or a girl, just Sirius.
"But…" Peter still had questions, probably as did the others, but Peter's own brand of bravery sometimes came in the guise of bluntness, "What does that mean, though? You will still room with us, right? And play quidditch for Gryffindor? We'd be shit without you, especially after the Prewett twins graduate…"
Sirius couldn't help but chuckle,
"I don't know, Pete! It isn't something I thought I'd ever have to consider."
They looked around at the faces of their friends - James Potter, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin - the four of them had been thick as thieves since the first day of their first year, if anyone was going to accept them for who they were, without judgement, it was these three.
"If you lot don't mind..?"
"Are you kidding!?" James threw his arms around them, nearly knocking them off the bed in the process, "I thought for a moment you'd abandon us to go live with the girls!"
Chucking, Sirius hugged him back, but the rowdy pair soon turned their excited embrace into a wrestling match, each of them fighting to keep the other in a headlock.
"No way! And have Evans boss me around all day, every day? I get enough of that in Potions!"
"You know, Lily is actually nice.." Remus started protesting, but was immediately bombarded with pillows and slippers and anything else the others could reach, to resounding 'boos', forcing him to leap for cover behind his own bed.
"You're just jealous because she actually talks to me!" Came his retort from behind the scarlet draperies, together with one of Peter's slippers, aimed blindly at the others.
"That's it, Lupin, you're going in the Lake!"
Blushing a colour fit to match the Gryffindor banners, James practically tossed Sirius aside and jumped to his feet and flew across the opposite bed to chase after his friend, who, in turn, fled around the furnace and crawled onto Sirius' bed, grabbed the giggling youngster and hid behind them like a human shield as he shrieked in feigned fear,
"Help me, Sirius, he's gonna drown me!"
Just as James pounced on them both and squashed Remus underneath Sirius, who was now sandwiched between the two of them, with Peter laughing so hard he was rolling on the floor, holding his belly, Frank opened the bedroom door.
"What's going on up here, lads, are you OK?"
He looked between his four mischievous classmates, who had frozen in place upon his sudden entrance.
"Sirius is not a boy or a girl, but is still on the quidditch team, so we're grand." Peter offered.
Frank just stared back at them for a beat, then he shrugged.
"Ok, good, as you were."
And with that, he turned on his heel and left them to it.