Work Text:
How to not do it:
Method # 1: Griffin’s Method (It only worked because I was like five back then)
Ash was dreaming of pirates that night.
He held a cutlass and fiercely battled the evil pirate with an eye-patch and a prosthetic leg. The evil pirate charged forward but Ash cleverly ducked away and grabbing that opportunity, he slashed a cut across the pirate’s abdomen.
“Ash, wake up!” His brother, who was tied to the mast of the evil captain’s ship, whose stupidity was the reason he was having that duel at all, called him.
Ash shot him a quizzical look. He was awake. After all, he was dueling with another pirate and he was pretty sure that a duel required both parties to be conscious.
The evil captain took advantage of his distraction and slashed Ash’s shoulder. Ash winced but held his stance to charge for another blow.
“Ash it is ten thirty! How long before you wake up?!” Griffin yelled yet again, angrier than before. But Ash ignored him, having learnt from his previous experience. He still didn’t understand why Griffin would side with them. But he had decided that he would think about it later when he wasn’t under the risk of dying.
Ash held his shoulder and lunged forward to return the favor. The pirate dodged the attack but Ash kept walking closer to him, indirectly pushing the foul man away so that the said man could protect himself. With a newfound vigor, he tried another attack. The pirate took yet another step back. Their waltz kept going on till the pirate reached the middle of the plank that connected his glorious and magnificent ship to the pirate’s meager one.
Ash pretended to strike but instead punched the sword out of the pirate’s hand. In the moment of weakness from the shock and astonishment, he pushed the pirate in the wild waters of the ocean where a shark was quick to gobble him up.
Ash took a moment to bask in his glory. His golden hair, which reached midway through his back and were tied with an orange ribbon, glowed like they were the sun itself. He held his chin up and let go of the hand that was clutching his bleeding shoulder. His breaches had been ruined from the blood and dirt but that only added valor to his image.
He could already see the future. His story would be told for ages and ages; the kind that would never get old. He would be a legend, a glorious warrior.
He smiled to himself, satisfied with the praise that he was going to receive and with that he headed towards Griffin so that he could free him.
Except he lost his footing and flew off the ground.
His eyes shot open.
“Griffin!” He pleaded, “Griffin, listen to me, I’m awake!” Ash kicked on his chest with his tiny legs and punched on his back with his tiny fists but Griffin remained unfazed.
“It’s too late now, Ash.” Griffin said as he threw Ash in the bathtub full of water.
Ash spat out the excessive water, scowling at his elder brother while the said moron laughed at his state. “I was just going to save you!” He yelled at the tall man in front of him (One day, Ash was going to be taller than him).
Griffin released a pained sigh. “Let me guess, the pirate dream?”
“Yes!” Ash said as he removed his soaking nightwear off of him because a certain idiot thought that the best way to wake him up would be by pushing him in a tub full of water.
“And did I get kidnapped by some evil pirate again ?”
“Of course.” Ash replied nonchalantly.
Griffin released yet another sigh, running a hand through his hair. “Why do I have to be a damsel in distress every time? Why can’t we be partners-in-crime?”
“Because you’re stupid.”
“Sure, Ash.” Griffin said as he pushed Ash in the tub yet again.
Method #2: Blanca’s method (I hope every bird in the Caribbean shits on you, asshole.)
Ash’s whole body was aching even though he was sleeping on what would be classified as the most comfortable mattress . And this time, the reason for the ache wasn’t Dino.
It was, in fact, Blanca. That asshole didn’t know when he was supposed to stop with his so called training.
Ash knew that that man was supposed to be really qualified and whatnot but honestly he couldn’t care less. He was supposed to teach him how to be an efficient mafia leader and indirectly help him get out of Dino’s clutches. Even if Ash knew the relief was not supposed to be complete, he was satisfied that at least that pedophile wouldn’t be in front his eyes 24x7.
Ash sighed and turned, the sweet and well earned slumber already making its ways to him. In his defense, his day had been extremely hectic and each cell in his body was demanding him to rest.
Ash had almost surrendered his senses (and in that moment, even if death came to take him, he wouldn’t budge) when he heard the sound of a gun loading. Directly above his head.
And just like that, all sleep left his mind. His senses were alerted and his hand snaked to the blade under his pillow. Not now, dammit! But then again, if anyone wanted to kill him why would they wait for him to wake up?
The only reason why Ash made any effort to stay alive was that he wanted to see Dino die.
He spun and landed on the floor on his knees with his blade directed on his attacker’s abdomen.
The attacker was none other than Blanca. Fucking Blanca . In hindsight, Ash should have expected it.
“Blanca.” And Ash only wished he would have attacked without thinking. “You better have a nice reason-”
“Your reflexes have improved, which is a good sign. Though I would suggest that you don’t take so much time before attacking.”
“You wanted me to kill you?” And Ash could laugh at the situation.
“Well, at least try to kill me, of course you aren’t really that capable to even hurt me. Yet .”
Ash gritted his teeth and took a deep breath to calm himself. If he made any noise, Dino would wake and think of some mundane excuse to fuck him and Ash just really wanted to sleep.
“Are you done?”
Blanca smiled, the same condescending smile that he had before and after shooting someone with a snipe. What a creep! “Why? Do you want some more practice? I am always ready for that.” He said and pointed his gun towards Ash’s chest.
Ash knew the gun was empty but he was too tired to act according to the situation. He got comfortable on the cold floor and curled in on himself. “Shoot me. I don’t care.” And in that moment, Ash honestly didn’t.
Blanca laughed, fucking laughed , and got out of the room.
He hoped that he would get rid of both of those horrendous men soon.
Method #3: Shorter’s Method (Why the fuck did you even have that?!)
Ash didn’t remember the last time he had slept in the cloudy comfort of a bed. Hell, he didn’t even remember the last time he slept.
Sure he’d slept on more comfortable mattresses but there was only resentment and anger in his heart when he did so. But being in Chinatown was something else altogether. There was a weird feeling of home attached to the beds on the floor above Chang Dai. Nadia’s exotic flavors would hit his nose that would vaguely remind him of familial love. In Chang Dai, he could forget about his own chaos for a few moments.
That was until Shorter would decide that hardly a few hours worth of slumber was enough for him.
“Ash, dude, it’s like twelve thirty and Nadia is screaming at me 'cause we are supposed to be there for lunch. Come on! Wake up already.” And then he said something in Cantonese that Ash couldn’t understand. Not like he could understand much of his previous speech either.
Ash turned away and held his pillow (definitely not cuddling; just holding it). Shorter groaned and started hitting Ash with another pillow from his bed. Ash didn’t even budge; he was too used to it.
Then Shorter tucked him in properly. The blazing heat of summer would have killed him if he wasn’t sleeping almost naked. Ash freed himself from the tucking in one swift motion and resumed his sleep. It really wasn’t that easy to wake up Ash. And Shorter knew it. So, it really didn’t make any sense why he was trying at all.
Shorter groaned again and Ash could imagine him running a hand through his hair in exasperation. “Nadia is going to kill me if you don’t wake up.” There was a pause, then: “Desperate times call for desperate measures.” Ash was a little intimidated by the grin in his voice.
For a few moments, there was a blissful peace. Ash had almost believed that Shorter had left him alone. Fucking finally . That was until he heard footsteps again. Shorter was trying to tip-toe and minimize any sound that he produced.
Ash’s senses perked up at the peculiar behavior of his trusted friend.
His hand slithered towards the knife under his pillow but stopped when he heard Shorter say, “You’re so going to kill me for this.”
In the next moment, Ash was thrown out of his bed by the noise of a blaring air horn.
When Ash got over the initial shock, he glared at Shorter who was a safe distance away from the bed and an arm’s distance away from the horn. His face was turned away from Ash with a finger in his ear.
After a moment of deafening silence, Ash growled and pulled out the knife from his pillow. “Say goodbye to everything, Shorter!” He yelled, his ears still ringing from the atrocious noise, and charged at Shorter.
Shorter was quick to throw the horn away and rush out of the room to the restaurant downstairs with a murderous Ash trailing behind him with a knife in his hand. Shorter sprinted to the kitchens where Nadia was tossing some rice in a wok. He accidentally (truly genuinely accidentally ) pushed Nadia which ended up with her spilling some of the rice on the counter. They both got an unending lecture from her, all the while Ash shot Shorter the dirtiest and the most intimidating glare he could manage.
When they both walked out of the kitchen with their head bowed down and their faces holding the fakest apologetic looks, Nadia sighed. “I had asked for a sister.” She turned towards Sing who was helping her like the sweet child he was. She smiled at him and pleaded, “Please don’t end up like them,” but the gleam in his defied his understanding nod.
Method #4: Alex’s Method (The things you put your money in is questionable)
Being a mafia leader meant that Ash hardly ever got to sleep. And even when he did close his eyes, he would only ever see nightmares. Ash knew rest was important but what was the point of the slumber if all it ever did was make him mentally weak. He didn’t need to see hands touching him everywhere during his sleep too , thank you very much.
Ash decided that the best method to overcome this problem was to limit his rest to the bare minimum.
He asked Alex to wake him up in two hours and his second-in-command shivered and almost pleaded with his eyes to give that responsibility to someone else. But Ash paid no mind to it and tossed himself on his threadbare bed.
Ash may have slept for a grand total of fifteen minutes or so when an alarm beside his head rang. Loud .
He grumbled in his sleep and threw the device down. While alarm clocks meant that Alex was safe from Ash’s post-sleep wrath but did he really have to use that obnoxious alarm tone?
Not even five minutes later, he heard the nauseating sound again, a hand’s distance away from his head. Ash grumbled and threw the device away.
The next five minutes followed the same course. Ash sat up and tore the blanket, finding the clock at the foot of the bed. His gaze followed and he found a few more alarm clocks placed equal distances away in the similar fashion.
Ash got up and picked the baseball bat that was kept in a corner of the room for emergencies. He proceeded to crush the puny device with violent blows and followed the line to do the same for the other alarms as well.
“Who’s idea was it?” A more sober Ash knew the answer was Alex but his brain was too sleep-addled to return to its comprehensive state. Besides, an angry approach always worked in case of emergencies so he hadn’t bothered to correct that habit.
The occupants of that room shivered and, as if they had unanimously decided for situations like these, pointed towards Bones.
And well, the rest is history.
How to do it:
Method #1: Eiji’s method (The sweetest angel I have ever met)
They had had a stressful night. Not for Ash, it was a routine for him to deal with those kinds of situations. But for Eiji? It was the second time that the man had seen a murder of a friend, had gotten himself kidnapped and whatnot.
Ash’s mind was too occupied in a guilt storm to think rationally and practically. He had walked out alive out of Dino’s mansion; there were going to be a hell lot of people who wanted him - dead or alive. And if he was in trouble, which of course he was, he was dragging Eiji head first in the same dark pit with him.
There was too much to think about and Ash’s mind had started giving up on him. He desperately needed to turn off his mind.
“Wake me up in two hours.” He declared to whoever would listen in the room, and crashed the bed. There the clutches of sleep immediately engulfed him.
He slept with a blank mind. No dreams, no nightmares, no memories. Just a death-like sleep. And some part of Ash hoped that the just arms of death would take him when he was in no condition to struggle, when he had willingly given up.
Not yet, came a voice and unsurprisingly, it sounded like Shorter. Of course, this would happen to him. Not till you reach your safe heaven and then maybe you won’t have a reason to die.
That was an impossible dream that Ash and Shorter had dreamed. Every time Shorter would look at Nadia talking to one of his gang members in Mandarin, he would have a wistful smile on his face and promise himself that someday they would both go back to their home. And Ash can come too. Of course, where else would he go?
Ash would laugh and hope that he could get out of that hell hole they had found themselves in.
After a few minutes, he heard Eiji’s voice saying that two hours were up and he should wake up. Ash pulled his blanket a bit higher, hopping that that fabric could drain out his voice.
Then Eiji did the unexpected...
And caressed his head.
“...it’s been two hours.” He said softly.
But Ash wasn’t used to such affection so he felt as if someone had hit his head. Of course, Eiji wouldn’t do that!
Ash grumbled an affirmative and sat up. He parroted Eiji’s statement and Eiji chuckled nervously at his dumb response. He still possessed the post-sleep wrath but he didn’t want Eiji to be his target.
He only started his yelling when he had moved a safe distance away from Eiji.
Method #2: Still Eiji’s method (Are we seeing a pattern here?)
Ash couldn’t remember the last time he slept like that. He didn’t give a fuck about what time it was. He was extremely comfortable and he knew it wasn’t the bed that was providing the comfort.
It was the fact that Eiji was just a few steps away from him and if he glanced there, he would find Eiji safe and sound and just as comfortable as Ash.
Ash slept even when Eiji tried to wake him up multiple times. He didn’t know if he would ever get the opportunity again, so better grab it while he still can.
In the very next instant, he felt as if Eiji was carrying him up. How sweet of him! What had he done to cross paths with that man?
Hazy hallucinations of an alternate reality started forming in his mind. A universe where everything was different. Where Ash was just another teenager. Where he was also permitted to fall in love. In love with that Japanese man who claimed his heart but Ash was too afraid to reciprocate the sentiment.
He dreamed of going out with Eiji. Or was it still that condo? Ash couldn’t bring himself to care. All that mattered was that he was with Eiji. And Eiji was smiling that big bright smile with his eyes crinkling a bit at the sides. It was something like a date. Oh, wait! Were they already dating? Or was it their first date? Ash hoped it was the former; he didn’t want to waste any time in the pinning.
Eiji said that he had made Ash’s favorite Avocado Shrimp Salad and damn it, he would have to make him natto to return the favor. Maybe if he wears a gas mask…?
In his dream, everything seemed to be more flowery and fragrant and beautiful . If that was a dream, he hoped that he would never wake up.
In a split second, Ash found himself in the bathtub. An odd feeling hit him; as if he had been there a few minutes ago. But he swore he was with Eiji the entire time! Eiji was smiling and laughing and there was green grass everywhere and Ash was reading-
No, they were somewhere else, right...?
Wait a minute! What exactly happened in the past few minutes? Or was it hours? Days?! Mon-
The cold sensation of water brought him back to his senses. Yeah, right. As if any of that was ever supposed to happen to him.
Ash thought of all things that he had imagined and - thank God Eiji couldn’t get into his mind. He has no idea how he would have explained his wants.
“What time did you get up?” Ash asked.
“8:30.” Eiji smirked and continued, "Low blood pressure? You’re like a frail little girl.”
Ash rolled his eyes. Does he seriously think he can outsmart Ash in their teasing? “The elderly get up early.” Ash turned around and smirked. “Why don’t you start early morning croquet?”
Eiji gritted his teeth in the newspaper at his defeat and Ash resumed his drinking with a satisfactory smirk.
As Ash toweled himself dry and made his way towards the dining area, he found a bowl of Avocado Shrimp Salad waiting for him.
So he hadn’t been dreaming completely! He allowed himself a tiny, inconspicuous smile and thought of all the things that he hadn’t dreamed about.
When Ash moved closer to the delicacy for further inspection, he found that some of it was eaten. He frowned.
“Somebody ate some.” He examined with displeasure.
“Yeah it was you.” Eiji yelled.
And just to suppress the butterflies in his stomach that Eiji made Ash’s favorite dish for him, he added another tease: “This is good. You’d make a good wife.”
He totally wasn’t thinking of marriage. Nope. Not at all.
And definitely not their marriage.
Most preferable method:
Eiji’s method (P.S. Do not try this if you aren’t Okumura Eiji Eiji Okumura-Callenereese? Eiji Callenreese-Okumura? Should it be Aslan Jade Okumura? Or Aslan Jade Okumura-Callenreese? Or Aslan Jade Callenreese-Okumura? Eiji Okumura for now!)
Japan was a beautiful place. There was nothing about it that wasn’t lovely. Ash has stayed there with Eiji for a few years now but he was yet to cover the entirety of it. Though wherever he would go, Izumo would always have, Ash dare say, a distinct feeling of home. Something about knowing that Eiji had first walked there, went to his first school, made friends, found and spread love; all of it, weirdly so, made him connect to the place. He had some odd sense of gratitude for that place for giving Eiji shelter and love for all those years.
Tokyo on the other hand…
It was good but nothing compared to Izumo. Eiji and Ash stayed in the small room because their college happened to be there. Eiji was in his last year and Ash was… also in his last year. It turned out that Ibe had some contacts and Eiji’s family was willing to have him there (Ash honestly doesn’t know how that happened) and they both were able to fake Ash’s academic record. The only thing that Ash had to remember was that he was supposed to be Eiji’s second cousin who’s parents died and was now living with them. He had also cut his hair for a change of appearance (though Eiji seemed to be growing his for Ash). It was a bit funny to fake being Eiji’s relative considering how every night they cuddled each other to sleep (even during summers) and shared kisses every moment they could.
All in all, it was great to not have to fear for his life or Eiji’s with every breath he took.
Though the only one con was that Japan woke up early. Much to Ash’s dismay.
“Ash, wake up.” Eiji said with a honey sweet voice right into his ear, all the while cuddling him. Maybe Ash should tell him that he isn’t helping his case but then he would be a fool to deny such comfort.
“No.” Ash grumbled and pulled a pillow over his head. Eiji chuckled.
“Come on Ash, we’re going to be late.”
Ash gave no response in hopes that Eiji would understand. Which he clearly didn’t.
Instead he whined. “Come on , get up.” He turned Ash around, still having that power of a pole vaulter.
Ash put his fore arm over his eyes to shield him from the lights that Eiji had turned on to wake him up.
“Fine.” Eiji sighed, “If you want me to, then…” Eiji crawled his fingers to his exposed belly and tickled him awake. Ash was reminded for the thousandth time why sleeping half naked could be fatal for him.
(But Ash would be lying if he said he didn’t like to wake up to the harmony of his and Eiji's laughter).
“Good morning,” Eiji giggled while Ash tried desperately to get out of his grip. But there was only so much he could get when he reduced to a laughing mess.
“Eiji - ha - sto - ho - op !” Ash tried swatting his hands away and Eiji gave up after that.
“Good morning.” Eiji tried again with that bright smile on his face.
“No! Bad morning!” Ash grumbled.
“Oh?” Eiji chuckled and planted a chaste kiss on his lips, his longer hair acting like a veil against the lights. “Better?”
“Okayish morning.” He rested his hands on Eiji’s neck and pulled him closer. “More.”
Eiji chuckled again, that beautiful heavenly sound, and planted kisses on every inch of Ash’s face making him giggle. He then peeled himself off of Ash, nudging him to get up. Ash rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and grumbled.
“Why do we have to take the earliest train to Izumo that literally leaves at the ass crack of dawn?”
“There is only one train to Izumo, Ash.”
Ash had seen the schedule. There were five trains that left for Izumo the entire day. The cheapest one left the earliest.
Damn it! He had already fallen in love with this man who waked up at ungodly hours and would do anything to save a penny.
Fuck.
~
Ash comes back from his walk (more like a jog because Buddy was feeling overly excited today) and wipes the gross sweat of his face. Buddy surely gave him some cardio today. But then again, who could get angry with a dog?
Ash bends and gives the Labrador his well deserved scratches and tickles. He also adds a kiss on his snout and Buddy barks delightfully at him.
He walks inside exchanging the usual “Tadaima, Eiji” and “Okaeri, Ash.” There in their room Eiji is busy reading some papers, laughing sometimes with his head falling back, carrying his long fringe with him. He looks ethereal like that and Ash is once again left to wonder what he did to deserve him.
A bright platinum band glitters in Eiji’s hand that catches his eye. His gaze automatically moves towards the matching ring in his finger, a wide smile blooming on his face.
Eiji reads the last line and gives Ash his well deserved attention. He clutches the paper in his hand and makes his way towards Ash, leaving his hair down since he knows how much Ash loves to play with them. He gives Ash his welcoming kiss. Ash is slightly intimidated by the playful smirk but doesn’t say anything.
“So, fiance dear, it has come to my notice that we haven’t discussed our last names yet.” Eiji teasingly wiggled his eyebrows and Ash went from confused to pale to blushing red in a split second.
Ash had written that gibberish to clear his head and to get some semblance of practice for the thesis paper that he was supposed to write for his PhD degree but that shit didn’t even end up close to the format of a thesis. It was a completely self indulgent piece that Ash didn’t want to stop writing when he had started it.
And not to forget, there were some increasingly embarrassing confessions.
Fuck!
Eiji bursts in a fit of giggles. “Tell me Ash, did you - pfft - did you ever draw hearts around my name?”
How did he - “No! Of course, not!” And Ash doesn't remember when he started failing to come back with a witty response. Maybe it has something to do with his blood running to his face. He snatches the paper hoping that action will make him forget about everything he read. “Give that to me.” He says and walks out of the room.
But Eiji follows him. “No, tell me.” and Ash breaks into a run, finding himself laughing at his cringey confessions and just how the said confessions came out to the person who was not supposed to know them.
“Get away from me.” But Eiji doesn't him which Ash knows he never will.