Work Text:
Kita Shinsuke can be trusted to cradle the porcelain fragments of Oikawa’s heart and not drop them. His hands could wrap around the broken shards and his fingers would still not bleed.
Oikawa lies in his bed for the first time since he returned from his stint in Hyogo, thinking of golden eyes and quiet smiles and methodical hands, and hopes that Kita misses him as much as he misses Kita.
He wonders if he carried Kita’s steadfast heart back to Miyagi in exchange for the mess of a heart that Oikawa abandoned in Hyogo.
Oikawa is sprawled out on a bench, staring at the orange sky and regretting his life decisions, when a shadow crosses into his vision and peers over him.
“You’ve been sitting there for a while. Do you have anywhere to go?” the person asks, and Oikawa blinks up at the calm face staring at him.
“No,” he says, sitting up.
The barest traces of a smile cross the person’s face. “Would you like to come home with me, then?”
He has a nice face, Oikawa thinks, and so he throws his fate into this stranger’s hands. “Okay.”
Kita’s face remains remarkably impassive even as Oikawa beams down at him one last time.
“Leaving, Oikawa-san?” he asks.
Oikawa shoves his hands into his jacket. “I already stayed longer than I intended. Iwa-chan is getting cranky.”
Kita’s golden eyes linger on him, but he says nothing. He was never one to push, after all. Good thing Oikawa has always had to fight for everything he wants.
He leans down, cups Kita’s jaw, and kisses him one last time, soft and sweet.
“I’ll miss you,” Oikawa says softly, hands still cradling Kita’s jaw. “Call me, okay?”
Kita steps back, something swirling in those golden eyes of his. “Your train is here. Have a safe trip.”
“You’ll call me, right?” Oikawa presses.
“Oikawa.” Kita’s face is a mask, all the emotions that Oikawa spent weeks trying to unearth locked up once more. “You need to go. Your sister–“
“Kita.” Oikawa looks at him. “Call me, please?”
Kita swallows. “I-Okay.”
Oikawa smiles. “I really will miss you, Shinsuke.”
He leaves Kita in Hyogo, eyes wide and mouth slightly open, fingers reaching up to brush his lips as Oikawa climbs on a train that will whisk him back to Miyagi, but that last image of Kita remains burned in Oikawa’s mind the entire way home.
Kita scoops rice into two bowls and carefully portions out mackerel for them while Oikawa pours water in two cups and places them on the table. It’s their routine, now, ever since Oikawa unofficially moved in three weeks ago and Kita never once formally told Oikawa to leave.
Oikawa likes it here, likes Kita’s steady company and the way Kita is so diligent with taking care of himself and those around him. It’s easy, comfortable, and while at first Oikawa was desperate to find out what made Kita Shinsuke tick, he’s grown to cherish the subtleties in Kita’s face. Each small tick of his face feels like another win for Oikawa, as he catalogues the slight variations in Kita’s smile and memorizes what can bring about each one.
At some point, though, as he studied the gentle shine in Kita’s eyes as he talked about his former teammates and underclassmen, Oikawa realized that he wanted to kiss him. His obsession with finding what lay underneath Kita’s calm façade wasn’t just borne of Oikawa’s inherent nosiness; it was also wrought-iron desire and barely concealed yearning.
Kita sits across from Oikawa and says his thanks for the food. Oikawa joins him.
As they eat, though, he thinks once more about what it would be like to taste Kita’s lips on his own.
Oikawa gets on a train one night and leaves Miyagi without a word to anyone: not to his former teammates, not to his family, not even to Iwaizumi, his best friend and soulmate. He carries enough money to last a month, his phone, and two changes of clothes, and heads south.
Somehow, he ends up in Hyogo; worn out from his travels, exhausted, and desperately wishing he hadn’t chosen to leave Miyagi. But at that point it was too late to go home: he’d been gone for days, without word to anyone, and he can’t just return without something to show for it. No matter how many times his friends asked him to come back, Oikawa knew that he had to accomplish something before he could return.
Iwaizumi always told him that he was too stubborn for his own good. Oikawa thinks that he might be right.
This, then, is how he meets Kita Shinsuke: bone-weary and lost, and as Oikawa gazes at the serious face before him, he thinks that he finally, finally understands why people talk about love at first sight.
“Thank you for making dinner, Kita-chan!” Oikawa beams at his host. “I really appreciate it.”
Kita actually rolls his eyes. “Please drop that honorific, Oikawa-san. We haven’t known each other that long.”
Kita Shinsuke, Oikawa will learn, is a man of patterns and traditions. He is not one for rocking the boat; rather he steadies it in the wake of chaos (in the wake of Oikawa).
Right now, however, Oikawa has yet to be aware of that, which is why he leans forward and presses further.
“But you deserve a cute nickname.” Oikawa pouts, just a little, hoping that Kita will relent and accept it. He’s not even using his first name; there shouldn’t be an issue.
“Oikawa-san.” Kita looks at him, and Oikawa gulps.
Kita Shinsuke, Oikawa learns, is not someone to be trifled with.
“Alright, alright. Kita it is.” Oikawa sits down to eat his dinner.
Oikawa steps off a train in Miyagi, tired and already missing the quiet comfort he found in Hyogo with Kita, only to feel Iwaizumi’s arms wrapping around him almost immediately.
“You fucking idiot,” Iwaizumi growls, pressing his face into Oikawa’s shoulder. “You absolute fucking idiot. Why did you leave? Why didn’t you say anything?”
Oikawa blinks. “I-Iwa-chan,” he says, voice tripping over the syllables. “Were you worried?”
“Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi grits out, his voice rough, face still hidden in Oikawa’s shoulder, a warm wetness seeping into Oikawa’s sleeve. “I’m always going to worry about you, you absolute fucking menace.”
“You’re so mean to me,” Oikawa whispers, but he’s thinking of Kita and the way Kita had said “Of course he misses you, Oikawa, you’re everything to him”, and he can’t believe that once again, Kita was right.
Kita hadn’t even met Iwaizumi.
“Look at you,” Iwaizumi says, stepping back. He looks a mess: red eyes, messy hair, face doing something that looks to be a cross between a scowl and a smile. “You look terrible. Where exactly did you disappear to, anyways?”
“Hyogo.” Oikawa nudges him gently with his shoulder, reminding him to move so they can get going. “It was lovely. I think everyone should go to Hyogo at some point in their lives.”
“If I wasn’t so relieved that you’re okay, I’d push you onto the train tracks,” Iwaizumi tells him. “Come on. Let’s get you home, you absolute fucking imbecile.”
“You’re so mean,” Oikawa whines, but Iwaizumi is already tugging him out of the train station and down the streets towards home.
It’s familiar, comforting, and yet something in Oikawa aches as he lets Iwaizumi lead him home.
“Running away doesn’t solve anything,” Kita says calmly, as they scrub the wooden planks of the porch together. “Whatever you’re running from, you’ll never get far enough from the pain.”
Oikawa stills, his rag coming to a stop on the wet wood. “Who said I was running away?” His voice doesn’t shake, but it’s a close thing.
Beside him, Kita picks up his rag, dunks it in the water bucket, lifts it and rings it out.
“You didn’t need to,” Kita tells him, water dripping down his hands and bare forearms. “It’s written all over your face.” He nods at Oikawa’s rag. “Keep scrubbing.”
Oikawa just stares at Kita. His silhouette is outlined in pale gold sunlight, and the water droplets clinging to his strong arms glitter from the light. Kita keeps scrubbing as if he never said anything, and he doesn’t even deign to look back at Oikawa, acting as if he hadn’t just reached into the inner recesses of Oikawa’s mind, scooped up what was left of Oikawa’s heart, and dropped the whole broken mess onto the old porch that they were currently cleaning.
After a moment of silent staring, Oikawa picks up his rag and goes back to scrubbing at the porch.
Kita doesn’t say anything else for the remainder of their cleaning session. Neither does Oikawa.
It’s easy enough for Oikawa to slide back into his Miyagi life. He visits his sister and stares at her still body, hooked up to far too many tubes and machines. Takeru is ostensibly managing, but Oikawa moves in with him, to make sure that his nephew isn’t left alone for too long (never mind that Oikawa left first). Iwaizumi comes over constantly, officially to check up on them, but Oikawa knows that Iwaizumi is fighting the urge to move in too and make sure that he doesn’t wake up again and find out that his best friend vanished without a trace.
Kita calls him, two days later, as he’s settling back into Miyagi. Oikawa is at the hospital again and completely misses it. He calls back a few hours later but Kita is busy with something and misses that. It’s a week of them trying to catch each other before finally, finally, they’re both free and one of them picks up when the other calls. Oikawa doesn’t even remember who called first; all he knows is that he nearly cried with relief when he heard Kita’s voice over the phone.
But they’re both so busy; Oikawa with Takeru and his sister, and Kita has his grandmother to care for on top of a farm to run. At some point, Oikawa realizes that they’ve gone two weeks without any contact, attempted or otherwise.
The realization chills him to his core. He’s thought about Kita nearly every day, and yet…
He realizes that he’s not sure if he remembers the delicate Kansei lilt of Kita’s voice anymore.
The mid-morning sun casts its glow on Kita, and Oikawa stops to admire the way Kita’s skin warms from the heat. The sun must love him, Oikawa thinks, watching the way it reflects off Kita’s silver hair.
“Is there something on my face?” Kita asks, turning to him, and Oikawa blushes, but maintains his gaze.
“…has anyone told you that you’re beautiful?” The question comes out softer than Oikawa intended.
It doesn’t matter. Kita still heard it.
“Not recently.” Kita looks at him, something softening in those serious eyes of his, and Oikawa takes an as a sign to press further.
“A shame. You’re gorgeous, Kita.”
“You’re quite handsome yourself.” The barest traces of a smile flicker onto Kita’s face. Oikawa counts it as a win.
“We’re not talking about me,” he declares, reaching out to poke Kita’s shoulder. “We’re talking about you, Kita, and I think you’re one of the prettiest people I’ve ever met.”
He’s rewarded with widening eyes and slightly parted lips, and the faintest wash of red that colors Kita’s ears and neck.
“Oikawa, please, I don’t know if you’ll even hear this, but if you do, you need to come home.” Iwaizumi’s voice practically shakes over the phone, and Oikawa feels his heart shatter at the idea of reducing the strong, unbreakable Iwaizumi to this. What happened while he was gone? What could hurt his friend like that? “It’s your sister; she was in an accident and she’s in the hospital. Takeru needs someone to look after him and I can’t do this alone.” There’s a sob, and Oikawa covers his mouth. Iwaizumi Hajime, who was always dragging Oikawa along, angry and loud and determined, is crying for him. Oikawa never thought he’d see it happen.
“Please, Oikawa,” Iwaizumi says, voice cracking. “Come home.”
The message ends there. Oikawa stares at his phone and tries to process what he just heard.
“Are you leaving?” Kita asks. Oikawa jumps, and turns to see Kita standing in the doorway, arms folded.
“Kita,” Oikawa says instead of answering. “You scared me.”
“You should go back, Oikawa.” Kita’s golden eyes pin him in place, but Kita himself unfolds his arms and walks to Oikawa. Oikawa is frozen as Kita approaches to him and touches his cheek. “They need you.”
“I left them, Kita,” Oikawa says softly. “I was scared.”
Kita’s palm is rough and warm against Oikawa’s skin; Oikawa lifts his hand to keep it there. “I didn’t even say good-bye,” he confesses. “All because I couldn’t handle the loss. I couldn’t handle it. So I abandoned them.”
“There’s no shame in admitting to your mistakes,” Kita tells him. “Besides, they miss you. You heard your friend on the phone. He wants you to come home.”
“Iwa-chan wouldn’t miss me like that.” Oikawa laughs. Kita’s palm scorches his face. “He’s always complaining about having to take care of me. If I’m gone, he doesn’t have to be my glorified babysitter. If I’m gone…I couldn’t take them to victory. Why would he miss me?”
“Of course he misses you, Oikawa,” Kita says. “You’re everything to him.”
Oikawa gazes at Kita and swallows down his fear.
“What about you?” he asks, his voice trembling in spite of himself.
In lieu of answering that, Kita stretches up for a kiss. It’s soft, lingering, full of unshed tears and unspoken words, but Oikawa hears the answer anyways, clear as if Kita had spoken it out loud.
“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa whispers to the darkness. “Are you awake?”
“Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi growls back. “If you don’t shut the fuck up, right fucking now–“
“Remember when I ran away?” Oikawa asks. That shuts Iwaizumi up.
They haven’t talked about it; not since the first night when Iwaizumi picked him up and demanded that Oikawa tell him where he’d gone and why he’d left. Oikawa, of course, had dodged every question, telling Iwaizumi something between the truth and a lie, and ignoring the ache in his heart every time he thought of Kita’s face as Oikawa said goodbye.
“I really did go to Hyogo,” Oikawa tells him. “But I fell in love.”
“With Hyogo?” Iwaizumi asks when Oikawa fails to elaborate. “Do you want to move there?”
“His name is Kita Shinsuke,” Oikawa confesses. “And I…we haven’t really talked since I left.”
There’s a groan from Iwaizumi’s side of the room. “Have you messaged him?”
“Like once or twice.” They’ve talked exactly three times since Oikawa’s left, two times initiated by Oikawa, once initiated by Kita.
To be fair, Kita had initiated their first (attempted) phone call, just as he’d promised.
But they were so, so busy.
“Your personality is horrible, Shittykawa.” Oikawa can already see Iwaizumi running a hand down his face. “Tell me about him.”
“He’s beautiful,” Oikawa says. “His eyes are gold and his hair is silver-white with black along the edges. Every movement he makes is done with care and precision and he’s so much better than me. He tells me what I need to hear and he’s never been wrong, not even once. I think that the gods must be jealous of how steadfast he is, and I think they want him for their own.”
“He’s the one on your phone,” Iwaizumi realizes.
Oikawa nods, before realizing that Iwaizumi can’t see him. “Yes,” Oikawa says. “He’s the one on my phone.”
Iwaizumi sighs. “Shittykawa. Why haven’t you talked to him?”
“I don’t…I don’t know.”
There’s another sigh. “You’re thinking of going back to Hyogo.”
“What if he doesn’t want me?” The words come out softer than Oikawa intended. “He was the one who told me to go back, you know.”
“It’s not like you to be afraid,” Iwaizumi says. “The Oikawa I know never does anything by halves. He works hard enough to tear his knee. He doesn’t give up until he’s been defeated. His personal motto is, ‘If you’re going to hit it, hit it until it breaks’. He runs to fucking Hyogo without saying anything and decides that he can’t come back until he’s accomplished something. He falls in love with Kita Shinsuke because he wants to know what makes him tick, not because he thinks Kita is pretty. And he’s not dumb enough to just leave Kita behind, because he wants him and he never gives up without a fight.”
Oikawa closes his eyes and smiles. There’s just one last thing, then. One thing holding him back.
“Will you be alright if I leave again?” he asks quietly.
There’s a beat of heavy silence, and then Iwaizumi says, “Answer your fucking phone this time, Trashykawa,” and that’s an answer in and of itself. Oikawa smiles.
“I’ll bring him back with me,” he promises. “I want Iwa-chan to meet Kita.”
“Or you could go to Hyogo and stay there this time,” Iwaizumi grouses. “Now shut up and go to sleep.”
“Call me back when you get the chance, okay?”
“What do you want from me, Oikawa?” Kita asks him one lazy morning. They’re both tucked on the couch, having taken care of everything that needed to be done already. Oikawa holds Kita in his arms and Kita leans against his chest. They’re somewhere between boyfriends and friends; housemates who make out sometimes; lovers who have only known each other for a short time before moving in together. The lines are unclear; they’ve never really talked about it.
This, Oikawa thinks, might be that conversation. The one where they properly define their relationship.
He might as well be honest.
“I want all of you, Kita Shinsuke,” he tells him.
Kita is silent. Oikawa waits with bated breath for Kita’s response.
“You’re still running away, you know,” Kita says finally. “And I will not have you if you cannot confront your demons.”
“Ki-“
“I will have you laid bare and still fighting, or I will not have anything at all,” Kita continues. “You are not the type to give up. And you still have business in Miyagi. We both know this.”
Oikawa’s lips move uselessly, for he cannot find the words to defend himself. What is left for him in Miyagi? Is there any point in returning to the place that had no use for him?
Would he even be welcome, considering that he blew off their initial concerns and left without a trace?
Kita looks at him, and in that moment, Oikawa knows. Kita might not know why Oikawa ran from Miyagi one night with barely anything, but he does know that ever since arriving in Hyogo, Oikawa has regretted running so far with nothing to show for it the whole time.
Regret, Oikawa thinks, is a bitter thing to accept. Swallowing it never gets easier.
“You ought to go home,” Kita says softly. “I can say that I will not be going anywhere. You know where to find me, should you need to.”
Oikawa Tooru sits on a train and tries not to cry.
A voicemail plays from Oikawa’s phone. “I got your message. I’m sorry I missed your call. I’ll be busy this weekend, but do you have some time on Tuesday?” There’s a small noise, something akin to a sniff, and then Kita’s voice, made robotic and tinny through the phone, adds, “If not, I’ll be free next weekend.”
Oikawa bites his lip and presses play on the next one. Beside him, his sister sleeps, tubes hooked to her body, unaware of the way her little brother’s heart is once more shattering underneath him.
Once upon a time, Oikawa lost a volleyball game.
To most people, it’s not a big deal. That’s how life is, after all: you play games, you win some, you lose some.
To Oikawa, it was total devastation. Years of hard work flushed down the toilet in the span of one game. It wasn’t just a volleyball game; it was his last chance at Nationals, his last chance at beating Ushiwaka, his last chance to prove his strength before Kageyama Tobio finally became the better setter. It was the culmination of everything and yet he failed anyways.
Once upon a time, Oikawa Tooru watched his dreams crumble to dust and realized that his castle had been built on foundations of sand.
As soon as he graduated from Aoba Johsai, he packed the bare necessities and vanished from Miyagi. There was nothing left for him there, after all. What more could he possibly do, besides look for somewhere else to belong?
But Kita Shinsuke kisses him like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do and Oikawa wonders what he had hoped to accomplish when he left.
He wonders, as Kita’s fingers curl in his hair, if he found what he was looking for. He wonders, as Kita’s lips claim his own, if he can ever truly go back to Miyagi, and be happy. He thinks of boarding a train tomorrow and watching as Kita fades into nothingness and wonders how he could possibly be fine with that, if the ghost of Kita’s touch will be enough to sustain him once he’s back in Miyagi.
Kita tugs him closer. Oikawa thinks that part of him will always belong in Hyogo, a glass shard held in the careful, methodical hands of one Kita Shinsuke.
Kita pulls away first, but Oikawa presses their foreheads together and closes his eyes. “That was Iwa-chan. Or, Iwaizumi Hajime, my best friend and soulmate.”
“Do you love him?” Kita asks.
“What?” Oikawa’s eyes fly open, and he takes a step back. “Oh. No, no.” He laughs a little, then runs a hand through his hair.
“You know, I think we make our soulmates. They’re not just found. Iwa-chan and I really are just friends, nothing more. I call him my soulmate because ‘best friend’ feels too trite to explain what we’ve been through. Or to explain how much he means to me.” He shrugs. It feels silly, now that he’s said it out loud, to say that he thinks that he and Iwaizumi made themselves for each other.
But he believes it. They grew up around each other; they chose to need the other. And so, they’ve made themselves soulmates.
Oikawa thinks that he could make another one, right here in Hyogo. Or maybe, he already started.
“I see.” Kita’s tone betrays nothing, but his eyes flicker over Oikawa curiously. Oikawa knows that look.
“You’re thinking. What is it?”
“What are we?” Kita asks, and oh, that’s cruel, when Kita was the one who said he’d only have Oikawa if he stopped running away.
“That’s not fair,” he tells him.
“It’s not? You’re the one who wanted to know.” Kita folds his arms. “That’s my answer: what are we?”
Oikawa snorts. “Fine. You told me that you wouldn’t have me until I’ve confronted my demons, so we’re nothing, I guess.”
Kita regards him for a long moment, silence stretching between them, before his face shutters and he nods at Oikawa. “Are you? Going to go back, I mean? It sounded like they needed you.”
Oikawa thinks of the way Iwaizumi’s voice had shook over his name. “It looks like you’re finally getting rid of me,” he says, fake cheer dripping from each word. “I need to go back. I can’t stay in Hyogo forever.”
To his surprise, Kita smiles. “It’s about time you realized that.”
Oikawa steps onto a train platform in Hyogo and makes his way to familiar house that he wasn’t sure he’d ever see again. He takes a deep breath before knocking on the door.
There’s no response. Oikawa frowns and knocks again.
Please be home, he thinks.
This time, the door opens a few seconds later, revealing the familiar, if not slightly puzzled face, of Kita Shinsuke.
“Oikawa?” he asks.
“Kita,” Oikawa says, and to his surprise, Kita’s eyes are welling with tears as he stares at him. “I’m back.”
“I…I thought you were staying in Miyagi. You belong there, Oikawa. Not here in Hyogo.” But Kita’s eyes are watery and his mouth is parted slightly, as if he can’t quite believe that Oikawa is real.
“Oh, Kita,” Oikawa says, and he reaches out to cup his hands around Kita’s jaw, his thumbs reaching to swipe at the tears gathering on his cheeks. “How could I possibly belong to Miyagi, when I left part of myself with you?”
The stars shine down on them as they sit on the porch, two cups of jasmine tea between them. Kita’s leaning back, head tilted to look at the sky, and Oikawa can admire the sharp line of his jaw like this.
It’s a really nice view, he thinks.
Kita hums a little, a soft melody that floats in the air between them, and Oikawa wishes he could kiss him.
Then again, he’s never held back from what he wants.
“Would it be weird if I said that I wanted to kiss you?” he asks, and Kita’s humming stops. It’s silent except for the slight wind that blows through and Oikawa holds his breath to wait for Kita’s answer.
The silence grows and stretches until Kita says, “I thought you might.”
Oikawa scoffs and turns to face Kita properly. “That doesn’t answer my question.”
Kita’s eyes flicker towards him, but Kita himself remains frozen in his lean, gazing at the stars instead of Oikawa. “I don’t think it’s weird.”
“I see.” Oikawa huffs and frowns at Kita. He does want to kiss Kita; he’s wanted to do that for a while. But he’s not sure if he just got permission or not from him.
It feels like he can never tell just where he and Kita stand.
Kita straightens and shifts his body towards Oikawa. “Well, what are you waiting for?” he asks, and that’s as much of an answer as any.
“Kita, Kita,” Oikawa crows, and he crawls over to Kita. He places on hand on Kita’s jaw and leans down. Kita’s golden eyes stare back at him, patient, waiting.
“I’m going to kiss you now, okay?” Oikawa whispers.
Kita’s answering “okay” is a warm ghost against Oikawa’s face before they’re both leaning into each other, mouths pressing against each other as they learn what the other tastes like for the first time.
Oikawa Tooru wakes up with Kita Shinsuke still asleep in his arms, and decides that maybe, he can balance both Miyagi, with his family and Iwaizumi and the rest of his teammates, and Hyogo, with the one and only Kita Shinsuke.
He’s always had to fight for what he wants. And if he wants a home with a boy who is very firmly stuck in Hyogo, well. Oikawa is no stranger to fighting.
After all, Kita has already placed Oikawa’s heart on the mantle, displaying it for everyone to see. Oikawa thinks that he wouldn’t mind placing Kita’s heart next to it.