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When Hal was a very little boy, his parents had told him about the telepathic bound soulmates shared. Parents usually had this talk with their children early on. It helped them to fight off their soulmate’s intrusive thoughts when they were overwhelmed by them.
When your soulmate had intense feelings, they tended to share them through your telepathic bond. Adults knew how to protect their soulmates from their own thoughts but it was not something instinctive. Children had classes about managing the way they shared and channeled their emotions through their bond to spare their soulmates many headaches.
During his early childhood, Hal’s soulmate didn’t affect him much. He could feel a sudden burst of joy or frustration that was not originally his every once in a while, but it seemed to be quite common.
“The lady is upset,” Ben, one of his best friends in primary school, used to say about his soulmate.
In retrospect, Hal realized he must have been quoting someone, maybe his father. Hal’s soulmate didn’t seem to get upset much, in comparison. Hal wondered if she was pretty, and if she liked caramels, and did she think planes were cool ? He hoped so. He would be a pilot just like his Dad one day.
He wondered if his soulmate could feel the pride he felt, thinking about it. He let the feeling possess him until he could feel it in his toes, willing to share it.
A few seconds later, his soulmate had answered back. Kind of. They were only kids, they didn’t have full mastery of their bond. They wouldn’t be able to perceive the other’s thoughts more clearly before a while. And they wouldn’t even be able to communicate in their heads with words before they made first contact, which could be in a very long time. Hal knew that. Some soulmates didn’t meet for decades.
Anyway, his soulmate had shared a feeling with him, a positive one. Hal was certain it was a voluntary gesture, contrary to the previous ones - it seemed different somehow, more intense. It felt like when you got a gift you weren’t expecting but that was quite great. Surprised joy.
Hal had felt his own joy filling his whole mind, mingling with his soulmate’s.
After that, they kept sharing their good feelings and tried to protect each other from their bad ones, as they had been taught in school. It wasn’t always easy to take into account your soulmate’s feelings when you were hurting yourself and there were some mistakes but they were getting better at it when Hal had turned nine.
But then, a few months later, everything changed. Hal started having nightmares. Very bad ones. In them, he was walking at night between a man and a woman, and the two always got killed. It splashed blood all over the walls, and the floors, and Hal’s clothes.
Hal didn’t want to go to sleep anymore. It was too bad. His parents tried all they could think of : a shrink, a prescription,
But the bad dreams stayed for a while, until they stopped suddenly. One day, two days, three. A week. No more bad dreams, Hal realized.
No more soulmate sharing their emotions with him either. His soulmate seemed to have withdrawn during the nightmares period and even if Hal tried to share his emotions to draw them back to him, it just didn’t seem to work.
“My Mom does that when she doesn’t want to talk with my Dad. She closes their bond,” Max, who had divorced parents, told him when Hal complained about it.
“You can do that ?” Hal had asked, surprised.
Max had just shrugged. He didn’t have soulmate problems himself.
Hal had hoped that his soulmate would change his mind as Max’ mother did sometimes. After a few more years, he had come to the conclusion that his soulmate probably had no desire whatsoever to renew their acquaintance and didn’t want to hear about him.
It pained him. The fact that said soulmate wouldn’t even feel that pang of sadness angered him. Fuck them, if they thought they were better than Hal.
Hal had been deserted by his soulmate for several years when his Dad had died. They hadn’t been there, in Hal’s mind, in the aftermath. Hal had to deal with his grief without enjoying any reprieve like his older brother had, his soulmate directing her most joyful thoughts to him.
It was only a few years later that Hal had lost all hope about his soulmate. And a few weeks later he realized his soulmate being a stubborn idiot wasn’t the only possibility.
“Mom, how do you know if your soulmate is dead ?” Hal had asked, panicked, interrupting her reading.
His Mom had flinched and Hal had remembered a bit late that his Dad was her soulmate. He had meant to ask a simple question and get an impersonal answer.
Mrs Jordan had put her magazine down and gestured for Hal to sit next to her on the couch.
“What happened ? Why are you so worried ?” she had asked calmly, brushing strands of hair away from Hal’s face.
“They… They’ve been unresponsive for a while. I - do you think they could be dead ?” Hal asked, looking at his feet.
He hadn’t told his Mom or brothers that his soulmate had stopped all communication.
“You would know if it was the case, Hal. I promise,” she said.
“It - it hurts ?” Hal asked hesitantly.
“Very much,” she told him. “I knew for your Dad before I was even told.”
Hal nodded, not looking at his mother. Dealing with your own grief was difficult. Dealing with your mother’s ? It was even worse.
“Give them time. Maybe they will change their mind about you when they meet you,” she told Hal, offering him a hug he barely resisted.
His Mom was an excellent hugger.
“What if we never meet ?”
“Not going to happen.”
Hal had given up on the subject for years after that. In the meantime, he had realized that his soulmate could be a guy. He wondered about it, at night. Who was the kid he used to share his feelings with ?
And then he had become an adult, a pilot and a Lantern and been a bit too busy for soulmates. Double identity would do that to you.
By then, his soulmate had made contact again. Non consciously, it would seem. The rare times it happened, it was to transmit a feeling of pain. Intense pain.
Hal had probably experienced worse levels of uncomfort but his soulmate seemed to feel like tthey had all his bones removed from his body.
Nothing of interest happened between his soulmate and him for some time, until the day Hal met the Justice League.
Hal had felt that foreign pain again and almost lost control of one of his constructs as it was associated with sound this time.
The harsh voice of someone in pain, screaming. Internally, probably but Hal wasn’t sure.
“Uh, hello," he tried, muttering under his breath before focusing on thinking about the words, just in case it wasn’t enough.
He was quite certain his soulmate had closed off their connection right after that since he didn’t feel pain anymore, and he didn’t hear anything.
Well, he heard a lot of things but not in his head. He looked around him, sighed, and went back to the battle at hand.
He would deal with the rest later. First, saving lives. Second, processing the fact he must have met his soulmate if he was able to hear them, and they apparently shut him down when they noticed. Third, trying to figure things out.
So he did just that. People were saved, the League was created and Hal’s soulmate was a stubborn jerk who kept their bond shut. But this time, Hal was older and determined to fight it. So he kept focusing on sharing his happier emotions with his soulmate, hoping than at least a fraction of it would reach them anyway.
He let his thoughts run unchecked, which he wouldn’t have done if their bond was open - you were taught control in school to avoid that, it could be hell to perceive your soulmate constantly at the forefront of your mind. Hal was just hoping that some of his thoughts would be powerful enough to pierce the bar his soulmate put between their mind. Two could play a game.
So his soulmate was a guy. One that seemed to be in pain quite often, if the sudden bursts of pain that were the only communication between them Hal’s soulmate seemed to allow were anything to go by. Thankfully for Hal, the pain was entirely superficial, since he wasn’t the soulmate experiencing it first hand. After some time, it started to worry Hal a bit. Most people didn’t get beaten up so much.
In the meantime, he had become friends with Barry. He told him about his reluctant, seemingly daredevil of a soulmate a night they were both on monitor duty.
“Maybe it’s one of us," Barry suggested and Hal almost slammed his head against the wall with the realization.
That had been blatantly obvious, right ? It started when the League had and it would explain why his soulmate seemed to always get into fights.
And then he looked at Barry, calculating.
“What ? No, no, no. I swear, Hal, your mind… I haven’t met my soulmate yet but we share feelings on the regular, and anyway, I know it’s not you.”
Hal felt actual relief at that. He liked Barry, of course he did, Barry was awesome, but he didn’t see him as a soulmate.
“Anyone on your mind ?”
Hal shook his head with frustration as Barry nodded thoughtfully.
“No, I can’t figure out - wait, you know who it is ?” Hal noticed.
Barry wasn’t asking just out of curiosity. He had figured it out and wondered if his friend had.
“Simple deduction. It’s possible that I'm wrong.”
“Barry…”
“Look, I'm not saying it’s him but do you happen to know someone in the League who could have that much of a grasp on their feelings all the time ? Someone who wouldn’t hesitate for a second to sever their connection with their soulmate without consulting them if they thought it was necessary ?”
Hal tensed and leaned against the back of his armchair, closing his eyes
Could it fit ? Was Bruce the kid from so long ago, who had sent joy back to Hal ? It was difficult to imagine Bruce as a joyful, careless kid. Which kind of kid went from sharing pure, soft feelings with their soulmate to total control of their emotions and withdrawing entirely from interactions ?
The kind of kid who witnessed their parents’ murder, Hal figured. Losing his Dad had changed Hal but what if he had lost his mother at the same time ? He’d rather not imagine.
It fitted all too well. That, the pain Hal’s soulmate experienced occasionally, and the scream after they met for the first time. It could be Bruce. Hal tried to get used to it.
It was easier than he had expected. Having Bruce for a soulmate didn’t feel as strange as it should have, really. Did Bruce even know his soulmate was Hal ? Well, if he did, he didn’t show it. Maybe it was for the best, because he didn’t seem too eager to interact with his soulmate.
“How long before the end of our shift ?” Hal had asked Barry, opening his eyes again.
Barry was still looking at him. Studying him, Hal thought.
“About an hour. But Batman takes the next shift with Cyborg, and he’s often here early.”
“Thanks, Bar.”
They chatted idly about Barry’s new colleague and space wars until Bruce, in full Batman gear, made an appearance.
“There’s something I have to check - elsewhere," Barry said after saying hi.
A wonder the guy had an intact secret identity, Hal thought, shaking his head.
“Would you mind starting your shift a bit early ? I’ll owe you," Barry said to Bruce, who was staring at him through his lenses and without waiting for an answer, his gaze shifted to Hal.
“Hal ? Try not to hurt yourself,” Barry said to him with a warning tone and with that, he was gone.
Hal smiled a bit too tightly at the place where Barry had been less than a second ago;
“Do I even want to know ?” Bruce asked after throwing a glance at the monitors.
Everything seemed pretty normal.
“Probably not, if the last decades are any indication,” Hal answered, facing Bruce fully.
Alien crises could wait. Hopefully.
“Jordan ?” Bruce asked, tilting his head slightly.
“Barry and I had been talking about soulmates.”
“Good for you,” Bruce said neutrally.
“Bruce, be honest with me. Did you know ?”
“Did I know what ?”
Hal took a long breath and focused on what he was feeling. Anger, frustration, a hint of sadness maybe, fear of rejection, what could only be described as hope, a touch of denial and a complex mix of uncertainty and determination. He let it wash all over him before opening his eyes.
Bruce was grimacing.
“Sorry, you were saying ?” he asked.
“You felt it, right ?” Hal said, looking at him acutely.
Bruce didn’t seem to get what he was saying.
“I shouldn’t have been able to. I’ve been working on shutting that damn connection to keep them away from my life but my soulmate is quite creative and has an iron will -” he started answering mechanically.
He paused suddenly to look at Hal with new interest. Hal, who was seething with rage and had no doubt he projected it quite well.
“You. The proximity. I wouldn’t have felt that so intensely if it wasn’t for the proximity. It weakens the bar,” Bruce realized. “I haven’t taken it into consideration, obviously.”
“Are you done ? You’re happy now ?” Hal asked coldly, crossing his arms on his chest.
“Apparently you’re not,” Bruce answered back.
He was right about this. Hal was angry and could feel it in his bones, which meant Bruce could probably feel it too. A washed-out version of it, anyway.
“You think ? I didn’t ask you to sweep me off my feet, but was acknowledging you had a soulmate so terrible ? You know how soulmates are supposed to work, right ? It’s all about communication. You left me in the dark, you left me alone !” Hal yelled at Bruce.
“I was protecting you !” Bruce yelled back.
And he let his feelings color Hal in what seemed like a voluntary action. It surprised Hal so much he almost forgot to be angry. But then he faced the cowled man again.
“Really ? Shutting me down was protecting me ? From what ? Small talk ?”
“I couldn’t let my life impact yours. I didn’t want that.” Bruce said and as he said it, he let the barrier between their mind fall.
He let Hal perceive his regrets, his anger, his worries.
Bastard move, Hal thought. It was too late for him to do that and hope there won’t be any consequences on their relationship.
I know, he could feel Bruce thinking. Wow, Hal thought back. Wow, Bruce confirmed.
Bruce was smiling at him - and wasn’t he strange with the cowl.
Hal had barely thought that, that Bruce checked the monitors they have left unmonitored - nothing of interest- and put down the cowl.
He looked a bit like a strange bird, with his hair sticking out in all directions. Hal felt the urge to flatten it.
Bruce took a step closer.
“You can," he said, and Hal blushed before instinctively closing their bond just a bit.
“I - no, it’s alright,” Hal said, keeping his hands for himself as Bruce started brushing his hair with his fingers and shrugged.
“Don’t think I am not angry anymore just because you decided for once in your life than opening to someone else was the right move,” Hal said, sending a flash of displeasure via their connection. “What you did, shutting me out like that, was extremely childish.”
Silence was the only answer to that. But then Bruce projected an image in Hal’s mind. A small boy, holding a sheet of paper between his fingers. Hal couldn’t see the drawing well even if he suspected it showed two children but the little kid said softly “goodbye, soulmate” before putting the drawing in the trash.
“You - you stopped projecting your feelings willingly when you were 10 ? Hell. I thought something happened that provoked this and that you only picked not to renew the connection way later,” Hal said.
“Something did happen,” Bruce said gravely, shutting their connection a bit more.
So it was like Hal had suspected. It had coincidated with Bruce’s parents’ murder.
“But not using our connection was my choice,” Bruce said.
Hal took a step closer.
“You stopped sharing stuff with me because of the nightmares. They weren’t mine, were they ?” Hal asked gently.
“I am sorry you remember them,” Bruce said, not looking at Hal even if he didn’t even blink at the hand squeezing his shoulder.
“I had them every night for weeks - we had them. And then it just kind of stopped,” Hal recalled.
Bruce bit his lip, dodging Hal’s gaze.
“It didn’t. Stop, that is. It didn’t stop. I made it stop for you,” he said.
The nightmares had never really disappeared. Merely a month ago, he had woken up from one of them, calling for his parents. He sighed.
“I felt how the nightmares distressed you and decided to shield you from them. I went to see Alfred and I told him I didn’t want to share things with you anymore. After much coaxing, I told him why. He taught me how to close yourself to your soulmate and told me to only do it before I went to bed. I didn’t listen.”
“You’ve never striked me as an obedient child,” Hal said.
Him trying to lighten the atmosphere would have been more appreciated if he couldn’t feel a lingering of pity in Hal’s voice.
“I wasn’t the troublemaker you were.”
Hal snortled at that.
“Not the one who ended up fighting crime in Gotham despite my guardian’s best advice. But you were telling me about how you didn’t listen to Alfred’s good sense,” Hal said.
“I thought I attracted misfortune and that it was why my parents had died that night. I didn’t want that to happen to my soulmate. I didn’t want that to happen to anyone. So I pushed everyone away and Alfred was the only one to stay. I think he still has regrets about showing me how to keep a bond inactive, but he was new at parenting me, then. It was an easy mistake to make.”
“Okay, so you believed you were cursed or something for a few years. But after ? Weren’t you curious about me ?” Hal asked and he looked strangely guarded.
Bruce wondered if him using the bond to find out what Hal was really thinking would be considered a betrayal.
“Well, you pushing your feelings at me was an interesting era. I wasn’t sure what to do about it at first but simply decided to ignore the spikes of happiness you sent.”
“But then we met.”
Bruce nodded.
“And it scared me, knowing I haven’t been able to keep my soulmate at bay. By then, what I was doing was too dangerous to drag anyone into my world,” Bruce admitted.
“So you picked the coward’s way again.”
Bruce hadn’t expected this. He turned to Hal in less than a half-second.
“Don’t call me a coward ever again,” he said, and he let the threat dissipate into their bond.
“Or what ? You’ll flee ?” Hal answered back, raising an eyebrow. “League meetings are going to reach another peak of awkwardness.”
Bruce rubbed at his forehead. His emotions and Hal’s were mixing up a bit too much for comfort, so he tried to restrict their bond a bit more.
“Stop taking this so personally. I didn’t know you were my soulmate,” he told Hal, taking his wrist.
Hal pushed his hand away.
“It doesn’t mean you have done nothing wrong. It hurt, Bruce, you know ? It hurts when you’re rejected so violently by someone who is supposed to be at your side. I am not happy about it and it’s my right. So stop acting like you have done me a favor," he said.
“I allowed you to have a better life,” Bruce defended himself.
Hal’s eyes were shining with emotions that Bruce could feel if he let himself. He didn’t.
“You allowed me ? Don’t you see that’s the heart of the problem ? You’ve never given me the choice, Bruce ! It was understandable when we were kids and you were at loss about what to do, but even right now, you didn’t even ask what I wanted, what I was hoping for. You just decided things would have to go a certain way, and that I would have to follow. You just want this conversation to be done and to go back to normal," Hal accused him.
Bruce’s eyes widened. It wasn’t what he had been going for. At all. Hal had misunderstood his intentions. Bruce opened up their bond a bit to let Hal perceive it, but Hal’s feelings were screaming HURT and he didn’t seem to feel past that.
“This isn’t -” Bruce tried to stay.
“No ! Stop talking. You want to run away. That’s not what I want,” Hal said.
Bruce waited for him to elaborate, but after that Hal stayed silent and was the one to raise a bar between their minds.
“What do you want, then ?” he asked.
“I - I am not sure,” Hal said, just as he thought for you to understand how I feel..
It went through the bar. Hal must have thought it quite intensely for it to do so.
“Then let me, Hal,” Bruce said softly. “I think I want to give it a try.”
“Do you really want that ?” Hal asked.
He had let the bar fall again and Bruce didn’t raise it. He almost smiled at the giddy feeling of having your soulmate sharing your mind.
“What do you think ?” Bruce asked, half-smiling.
I want you, Hal he thought, strongly enough for it to resonate in Hal’s mind.
Hal could feel the sheer honesty of his words in his own mind. He could feel the sincerity, the admiration, the uncertainty, the desire, because Bruce let him.
Hal wondered what Bruce could read in his own thoughts.
“Reciprocation,” Bruce said.
Hal laughed softly. It warmed them both.
“Okay. Perhaps I want you too," Hal said, taking a step closer.
“Maybe ?” Bruce asked, before brushing his thumb over Hal’s lips softly.
Hal caught his wrist and made him withdraw his hand.
“No. I'm sure," he said, before putting his own hand on Bruce’s jaw and leaning in to kiss him.
Kissing someone was, according to Hal, a nice way to spend your time.
Kissing your soulmate was, according to Hal, mind-chattering. There was something special about sharing your feelings with your soulmate while you kissed.
Kissing Bruce was, according to Hal, even better, because if he was honest with himself, he had wanted to do that for years.
“Hal ?” Bruce murmured against his lips after some time.
“Um ?” Hal murmured back between two gentle kisses.
“I am glad you’re enjoying this but stop thinking, please,” he said in a pained tone.
Hal laughed softly.
“I am very good at thinking and I’ve been told I am a creative guy. For example -” he started saying.
Bruce scowled at him.
“Don’t plant images on my mind when we’re working,” he protested.
“Because we were working ? About working, when was Cyborg supposed to show up ? I'm pretty sure my shift has been finished for a while.”
Bruce groaned. He had been too busy with Hal - first arguing, then kissing - to think about the rest.
“I’ve forgotten about this. How much of this has he heard, do you think ?” he asked.
The real question should be : had he run away from them because they were arguing or flirting ?
“Enough to not enter the room, apparently,” Hal said, shrugging. “You better talk to him. Try not to scare him more than he had already been. Maybe you shouldn’t say anything and let me handle this.”
“I’ll manage,” Bruce said, rolling his eyes at Hal.
“You do that, I'll send flowers to Barry. Don't ask. Oh and you can come to my flat once you’re done here. Keep our bond open in the meantime,” Hal asked, stroking his cheek and kissing him one last time before turning back.
“You better not misuse it. I am supposed to be working, now,” Bruce called back.
So many ideas, so little time. Hal thought provocatively, not turning back.
Bruce could tell he was smiling, and he had no doubt Hal could hear him sighing in his mind.