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He's been at Welton for a total of two weeks and has already been in the library more nights than in his dorm.
It's not that he needs to study. Welton does require more studying than his old school back in Pennsylvania did but he can manage. He used what he remembered from Jeff telling their parents and from what he shown from the workload Jeff took home on holidays to prepare for heavy load of useless tests and essays. It worked.
The reason why he spends more time surrounded by books and stale air rather than the warmth of his duvet blanket is because of him. More importantly them. Neil Perry and his infamous group. They call themselves the poets - which is pretentious and Todd still doesn't know the origin. It's something to do with their English teacher, Keating, but that's all he knows.
Todd doesn't quite know what to think of them. They're loud and he prefers quiet. They're confident and Todd's never willingly put his hand up. They're all very good looking and Todd knows he not meant to notice that.
But the most intriguing thing is all the looks their classmates give them. The looks range from curious, disgust, shock and pity. The looks aren't always there and the group doesn't seem to notice them but Todd has. Todd has and he doesn't understand any of them.
It might have something to do with the fact that two boys in the group always hold hands - Meeks and Pitts - but the looks never quite reach their joined hands.
Most looks skim over the group and are directed to Todd's latest problem, Neil Perry.
Neil Perry - who Todd has leaned a lot about these past couple weeks despite never saying more than two words to him since that first night.
Todd knows Neil loves - more accurate: is obsessed with - Stranger things. There's A3 posters of each season promo on the wall beside his bed. Also when the room gets too silent, when the radiator doesn't squeak and the wind doesn't blow, Neil will start humming musical theatre songs. Another thing is that even if it's for just one parcemol Neil had to go to school Matron. Todd had heard an arguement between Neil and Charlie about how Charlie wasn't going to break their rules. It was the same day Todd show Charlie smoke in the bathroom.
Todd is confused and he prefers to stay that way if the way to get answers is to ask.
He shifts his politics folder and textbook from his right to his left so he can open the dorm door but before he turns the knob and an squawk rings out.
Todd lets go and steps back. Them. Fuck. He really wanted to go to bed. And the library's been locked.
There's a squeak. A faint scream. A couple muffled yells.
He could go to bathroom. That's too weird.
He looks around the hallway. Knox - who he talks to about history sometime will be in there. Meeks and Pitts seem nice but Todd hasn't really say anything to them and they're friends with Neil. Fuck.
Spaz and Sticks and Hopkins hate him because apparently they used to be able to work as a trio in politics before Todd arrived.
Cameron. Richard? Richie? Neil just calls him Cameron and everything out of Charlie's mouth are insults or pet names. Well either way he's the only person in this hall that actually likes him (as least Todd doesn't think he's pissed him off) and who is not in his own fucking room.
After knocking on the door, Todd shifts his books from one hand to the other again. Cameron has a grimace one but it smooths out after a second.
There's another squeak.
"Can I come in? Please." He is seriously out of options if Cameron turns him down.
Cameron nods and glares at the other side of the hall before closing the door. He gestures to what Todd is assumes is Charlie's desk. He has to move a pile of books out of the way - most Adam Silvera's - in order to have room at the desk.
After a while of them both working in silence with the faint background noise of them, Todd turns around.
"How did you get used to it?"
"Mr Hastings only gives out the long essays at the beginning of terms. It's easy when you know the work."
"I meant, I meant them, Neil and Charlie and the others, how, how do I - you - how did you get used to them?"
Cameron rolls his eyes - whether it's at Todd failing at speaking or the question in general, he doesn't know. "You don't. You grow to like it." He says it as if someone's pulling his teeth. "I don't mind usually - tell Dalton that and I'll make your life hell - but I did at first. Mind it, that is. Sometimes still do. They're loud, really fucking loud, and have no sense of privacy when it comes finding out something to tease someone with. But they grow on you, like bacteria."
"They're too loud and they're always there."
"If you get sick of them just come here. Dalton banned them from gathering in here of account of me."
"That's nice?"
"He insulted me about five different ways during that conversation. It's probably the nicest thing he's done for me though. They are nice people - tell Dalton-"
"You said that and you'll make my life hell?"
"Correct. If the loudness or their intense need to fucking socialise all the goddamn time gets too much - and it will a lot - just come in. It's fine."
"Don't you ever join in?" Todd doesn't remember seeing Cameron all that often in the dorm - they sit together at lunch but that's all Todd ever sees.
"Sometimes."
"Oh, oh. Those dead, dead poet meetings. Are you a part of, of them?"
"They told you that?"
"Neil hasn't caught onto the fact he can't, he can't whisper."
"Probably used to talking to himself."
"What?"
"He hasn't had a roommate for the past two years."
"Oh."
"It was hard last year - what with everything. So he probably just has to get used to the fact he's not alone in a room anymore."
Okay, so something did happen with Neil last year. "So you join in then?"
"Yeah. Don't tell anyone, we aren't meant to having them."
"Okay."
Todd turns back around and they continue working. Todd's already halfway through the next chapter and knows more about the US constitution then he needs to. It when he looks up and sees a bright pink sticky note attached to Charlie's pin board.
September 14th
PE - Swimming replaces cross country
Todd lets out a small "Oh fuck." Under his breath.
"What?"
"We have swimming on Monday."
"Yeah. Your old school not teach you how to swim or something?"
"Or something" Todd lets out a laugh but it gets stuck in his throat. He is trying to use everything in his power to project to 'Do not ask. Do not ask' into Cameron's brain. He non existent mind powers are apparently working today as Cameron does not fucking ask and just goes back to his work.
Todd can swim. In the loosest definition of the term. He can more accurately float and not drown. When actually trying to swim he looks like a ghost has possessed his body and said ghost is having a stroke, during an earthquake.
The not being able to isn't the only qualm he has about swimming. The other is the uniform.
The prestigious all boys school, Welton Academy, has speedos for their swim uniform.
In his old school Todd did have swimming lessons but he got his mom to sign a note excusing him from that term - she had thought it was for a normal field trip - and as a result he didn't have be a self conscious teen. His school also allowed students to wear normal swimming trunks and one pieces so it's not like he was wearing skin tights bottoms. However trunks still showed off plenty of chest and Todd maybe took advantage of that. Watch one relay race and they're all the same, he needed something to watch.
He was still apart of the class, he still had to be there. Until he got his mom to sign him a note to transfer PE classes.
Welton doesn't have the same issues Todd had started to have. But they might be worse here. The boys here are a lot more formal and rule abiding and reputation respecting. They see Todd doing what he did before and he's died.
But he's already caught glimpses and well seeing Neil Perry in a pair of speedos might be worse the several panic attacks he causes himself from paranoia.
Neil Perry, with slicked back hair and water dripping down his chest. Might even be worth what happened before.
Todd looks out of the corner of his eye but Cameron is still focused on his book. Mind reading isn't possible, he doesn't know what you're thinking.
Nothing is worth it. It's fine. Todd can survive. Even if he's at an all boys school for the next year.
-
They're all in the locker room. Todd is in a fucking pair of speedos. Apparently his testimony of his mom's 'get him out of swimming' note doesn't work the same without an actual note.
He tries not to left his eyes up off the ground but then Knox trips over a towel and starts an argument with Charlie over who's fault it really is. With everyone distracted Todd risks a glance and catches Neil pulling up his speedos. Pulling them up right over a red and purple bruise.
Oh. Welton is like his old school. Even if it's not for the same reasons. Won't be for the same reasons. Not Neil.
The coach announces they're doing breaststroke today and Todd does a massive internal scream. He hates swimming.
It's starts well. There's a couple groups before him - Neil and Knox win their respective sets incredibly in head of the others.
Then it's Todd. He starts awful - he just jumps in instead of diving. Then he doggy paddles towards the edge and uses the edge to drag himself up the length and back - twice. He's five minutes behind everyone in his group and the majority of his class is trying not to laugh.
He wants to die but less so then if he had actually swam. He'll regret doing this later but for now the pitying look of his coach gets him out of the rest of the lesson.
-
They're in their room after PE and just before dinner and for once it's just them.
No Charlie, no Knox, no Meeks and Pitts, just Todd and Neil. And Todd in his own fucking dorm.
His hair is still damp and the smell of chlorine is somehow stuck to him.
Neil clears his throat and Todd looks up from his laptop.
"Why didn't you tell me you can't swim?"
Because you didn't ask. Todd shrugs.
"I could've taught you."
I'm pass teaching. Todd shakes his head.
"I really could've." Neil smile should look stupid that big and wide. And Todd feels his chest constrict. It's going to be like before.
Neil stretches across his bed, knocking his homework to the ground. The bruise peeks out from under his jumper.
"How," Todd clears his throat. "How did you get that, that bruise?" He points to the area as best as he can from his bed.
Neil looks sheepish. And fuck. Todd really needs to stop paying attention to his roommate and other people that will get also get hurt. He thought he got over this.
Crossing state lines and getting away from his parents should've given him a fresh start. One away from his horrible mind. One where he could convince himself he's normal or whatever.
He's be normal here so the same things done happen.
"We had a pillow fight."
Todd blinks. He's needs to also keep track of conversations. "Pillow fight?"
"The other night. I think you were at he library." That explains the screams.
"Pillows don't leave bruises."
"Shoes do."
"Shoes?"
"Charlie puts a shoe in his pillowcase so whoever he hits get hurt. Only person I know who will try to win a pillow fight." Neil shakes his head with a soft smile on his lips.
"Oh." So maybe Welton isn't like that. Better safe than sorry.
"What you think I was being bullied or something? Some guy trying to get my lunch money? We don't buy lunch here."
"Or something."
"The worst bullying that happens here is insults towards your social status - which is stupid because most people have the same one."
"At, at my old school, people, people got broken bones and, and shit."
Neil has wide eyes. "Did that ever happen to you?"
Todd didn't think the conversation will turn towards this and there is no way he's telling Neil the truth. "No broken bones." Only a sprained ankle and bloody nose - more than once.
"Why?" Its whispered and he looks pale and distraught.
Todd shrugs. He is going to be normal here.
"Todd. That's awful."
"That's public school."
"But just because you're different it doesn't mean you should get hurt." Todd darts his eyes over to Neil's. He doesn't know. He can't know. It's not like you were subtle. Fuck, he needs to stop being obvious.
Neil continues. "You're quiet. You wouldn't hurt a mouse. Why would someone do that when the worst thing you are is shy?"
Oh.
Oh. Todd tries not to smile. He's still hidden. He shrugs. It's not the worst thing.
The bell goes for dinner and Todd can feel Neil's eyes on him as he leaves the room. It hard to tell if the look feels pitying or curious.
He smiles walking down the stairs.
He can be normal here and no one but his actual roommate was in his fucking dorm today.