Chapter Text
It started like this.
“It’s not my fault this world was made by a cruel and merciless creator,” Shen QingQiu tells the distraught villagers who are bemoaning their fate to be constantly assaugaged by some demonic issue or another. Shen QingQiu guesses it would bother him more if he were in their shoes, and simply a humble background character and not a cultivator.
“Talentless hack, only in it for the money!” he mutters quietly trying to work out how to soothe this bunch of crying old men and women surrounding him. It’s additionally hard when he’s been poisoned by the creature and it seems to make him just want to talk .
“Cruel and merciless?” one of the women pipe up.
“Yes,” he nods heavily, “It makes for better reading. So don’t be mad at me for these incredibly dramatic and inconvenient monsters roaming around.” He turns to leave muttering as he does so, “Honestly next time I see you Airplane Bro, we’re going to have words about all these infernal poisons and why they always seem to go after me . Did you write something about cursing poor Shen Qingqiu!?!”
He shakes his head and goes to step on his sword when he’s stopped by a hand on his arm.
“Air-” an incoherent mumble “Air- is the reason for our suffering here?” the same old man asks, eyes shining bright.
“He’s responsible for all our sufferings,” Shen Qingqiu answers honestly, “ particularly mine . Talentless, sell-out, utterly obsessed with pa-pa-pa, cliched. If his book still existed I would burn it” he mutters petulantly. He flies off and leaves the villagers to bemoan their unfortunate existence as a result of Airplane-bro.
When the poison wears off- and he’s shouted at Shang Qinghua for a good ten minutes about creating so many stupid and infernal poisions- and why a truth serum ?- He thinks back to his conversation with the villagers.
Oh crap .
Still, they’re one village, and who would believe the rambles of a mad man? There’s no need to tell Airplane bro about this, they’ll be fine .
“Peak Lord Shang just likes gossip, that’s all” He says laughing a little awkwardly. He’s been summoned for a discussion and neither Liu Qingge nor Yue QingYuan look particularly convinced.
Damn you Airplane, damn you telling this poor Cucumber-bro things about people but not bothering to say if they are secret or not! May your writing hand drop off!
“He’s not psychic, that would be ridiculous, psychics don’t exist,” and he tries to laugh it off like it’s all a big joke while still internally cursing infernal authors. But actually that is a good question, do psychics exist in this world? He should ask Airplane bro…
“Psychic?” Yue QingYuan questions.
“Ah, ignore this Master,” he says, waving him off.
“We don’t think he’s “psychic”,” Liu Qingge says, and thank you, Liu-Shidi! Shen Qingqiu knew he could rely on you to curb this nonsense. Even if those air quotes were a bit rude. Shen Qingqiu could definitely hear them. Still, Liu-Shidi was forgiven.
That is until his shidi follows it up with his next sentence.
“We think he may be a spy.” Shit, what have you gotten yourself into Airplane Bro? And now your poor longsuffering friend is going to have to fix it. Still at least he can assure them that they’re very wrong here.
Except that actually Shang Qinghua is technically a spy and Shen Qingqiu is about 90% certain that he’s visiting Mobei-Jun right this moment.
Shang Qinghua wasn’t meant to be exposed for years yet! Stupid novel.
He lets out an awkward laugh, “Hahahah, you are very funny Liu-shidi. You should entertain us all some time.” He peers out over his fan to see two unimpressed faces staring back at him. Shit.
He sighs and deflates. “He’s not a spy, I can promise you of that. As to how he knows everything he does…” He stops, looks Sect Leader Yue directly in the eye, “I can’t tell you that. Not now, but I assure you that he has no nefarious intentions towards Cang Qiong Mountain Sect.”
Just Shen Qingqiu’s brain cells and those of everyone who read his damned novel.
Neither of them look particularly convinced but they must trust Shen Qingqiu or something because they both nod and let him leave.
Oh Airplane bro, he bemoans, why do you have to go and leave me with your messes!
Shen Qingqiu is relaxing in his bamboo hut while sipping some tea and trying to work out how long he can fob Yue Qingyuan and Liu Qingge off with vague excuses about Shang Qinghua. He would go talk to his fellow transmigrator now and update him, but Airplane Bro’s not even on peak right now- probably why he’d been confronted today - so he might as well enjoy himself while he waits.
He’s disrupted from his peace by Ning Yingying coming to knock on his door and inform him that somebody wishes to see him. Apparently she’s not a cultivator, but she doesn’t seem to have malicious intent, and while very insistent has been perfectly polite.
Oh what the hell, he’s got nothing better to do until Airplane bro comes back from wherever anyway- probably visiting Mobei-Jun. He might as well see what this woman has to say.
“Peak Lord Shen,” she says, bowing when she lays eyes on him, “Forgive this intrusion but I have come to humbly ask if you will allow me an audience with the god. We have a grave problem and we require assistance- the children...” she trails off.
God? What god? She must mean Liu Qingge the war god surely, he’s the only one who actually holds such a title, but then why come to Qing Jing Peak instead of Bai Zhan? Though, he supposes that Liu-Shidi is not so well versed in social niceties and probably would have been rude or perhaps preoccupied.
Well, Shen Qingqiu can certainly orchestrate a meeting between this woman and his Liu-Shidi, and he’s sure that Liu Qingge will be more than willing to help. Especially if children are involved. If not then Shen Qingqiu will just have to glare at him until he gives in. He might even use his special glare reserved for Airplane Bro’s unending foolishness.
He’s barely stepped foot on Bai Zhan Peak when he sees the other Peak Lord heading towards him, sword in hand.
“What is the matter?” He asks brusquely, and Liu-Shidi, always so to the point. “Is it your meridians?”
“Ah no,” Shen Qingqiu deftly interrupts, “No they are all fine today, you don’t need to worry about me- we can still have tea later if you wish though.” Liu Qingge nods stiffly, so Shen Qingqiu continues onto the issue of why he is in fact here.
“This woman,” he says, stepping aside to reveal her, “has come to ask for you,” He would continue but he is swiftly interrupted.
She bows and looks up at Liu Qingge with wide eyes, “Are you the talentless hack of which Peak Lord Shen spoke most extensively?”
Shen Qingqiu chokes. Forget the protagonist turning him into a human stick, Liu Qingge is going to kill him right here and right now, what did he ever do to deserve such a fate?
Liu Qingge has an oddly pleased look on his face which Shen Qingqiu can’t be bothered to decipher right now, but is sure spells some kind of miserable end for him. Who knew Liu-shidi would plot his demise with such glee?!
“No, no no no, no,” he rapidly interjects, shaking his head and waving his fan. “This is Peak Lord Liu, the war god who you asked to speak with. Very talented, not at all a hack. Not like Peak Lord Shang. His martial prowess knows no rival and I’m sure that if Liu-Shidid were to write a book it would be excellent!” Well maybe not excellent , but he’s sure it would be better than anything Airplane-Bro could cough up.
There are some interesting expressions occurring on Liu-Shidi’s face when Shen Qingqiu dares to look up at him over his fan, so he quickly averts his eyes away lest the war god decides to kill him right now.
“Peak Lord Shang is the talentless hack?” she asks questioningly to which Shen Qingqiu fervently nods. Yes, yes, Airplane Bro is a talentless hack writer, not you Liu-Shidi. Now don’t kill me please.
“May I speak to him then? The god, the talentless hack?” she asks politely, “I require his insight- our children…” she trails off again and Shen Qingqiu briefly wonders if NPCs in this world are incapable of fully explaining themselves or if this issue is unique to her.
Then he fully comprehends what she has just said.
“Uh,” he says eloquently, “I don’t think he’s here right now, but you don’t want to talk to him. He’s very useless, extremely. Wouldn’t you much rather have Liu-Shidi solve your problems?” He asks desperately.
“My mother told me that Peak Lord Shen came to her village and spoke of a god- cruel and merciless but knowledgeable and called him Air-” an incoherent mumble, “and a talentless hack. He is the only hope I can think of now.” She says desperately, don’t be so desperate! What can this poor peak lord do to help? Shan Qinghua is irritating and useless and already under intense suspicion! Can’t you see how bad you’re making him look, woman!?
“Peak Lord Shang is currently not here,” Liu Qingge says at last. “He should return in a few days, good bye.” He looks oddly upset and torn.
Do you really hate this peak lord so much that you are saddened by your lack of excuse to kill him Liu Qingge? Honestly, and Shen Qingqiu thought they were friends .
“You speak extensively of Peak Lord Shang?” Liu Qingge asks once the woman has taken her leave.
“Only bad things,” he distractedly assures the other Peak Lord. Sorry Airplane Bro, he thinks. I may have just colossally fucked up.
“Shang Qingua is a “talentless hack”?” Liu Qingge asks, and hasn’t this been established already?
“Very much so. Never read anything the man has written, he manages to ruin perfectly good plots with unceasing porn and-” he coughs a little, “anyway, do you want to have some tea, Liu-Shidi?” he asks as a distraction.
He gets a nod in return and beckons for Liu Qingge to follow him back to his peak. This will all be fine….
Heads up. It wasn’t fine.
He catches Shang Qinghua standing in his office and giving him an alarmed glance shortly after the other man has returned. Shen Qingqiu returns it in full force and quickly enters his fellow Trans-migrator’s office.
“What the hell bro?” Shang Qinghua shouts, “Why are people asking me for information on things? I don’t know the answers! There was this woman waiting in my office and she wanted to know why “calamities kept befalling her”!”
Shen Qingqiu gives him a look and hits him over the head with his fan.
“Okay fine I know the answers, I wrote them, but Shang Qinghua shouldn’t know the answers bro! It’s not like I can say, oh, it made for good reading!”
“Maybe that’s the issue,” Shen QingQiu says slowly, “That you know things you shouldn’t. Lord knows I get questions about all the random stuff I know about, but I’ve just told them I have a source and…” he trails off realising something.
“And they know you spend a lot of time with me.” Shang Qinghua finishes for him, “Bro?” Shang Qinghua says, sounding almost honoured, “Did you just establish me as a font of knowledge bro? Am I finally going to get respect bro? Bro!” and then he’s being hugged by a very friendly and eager Airplane which takes several hits from a fan to dislodge.
“Anyway though,” he says, preparing to try and delicately inform Shang Qinghua of the situation he may have placed them in. He’s interrupted before he can start by Yue QingYuan knocking on the door.
“Ah you’ve returned, Shang-Shidi. This is good, we can now start our meeting for the peak lords.” He tells them pleasantly with a smile that Shen Qingqiu doesn’t trust for a minute. “I will escort you there.”
Shit shit shit and double shit. Just kill him now, system, why must you keep torturing him like this. The protagonist is currently in the abyss! It was meant to be time for some peace!
There’s no opportunity to inform Shang Qinghua of the mess on the way over, not with Yue QingYuan serenely walking in between them. He could try and pass out a warning in English but A. he doesn’t trust Airplane Bro to not horrifically misunderstand something, and B. covertly talking in a language that no one else understands across Yue Qingyuan is an atrociously terrible way of trying to dissuade fears that Airplane Bro is a spy.
Well, hopefully this won’t go too badly?
Surprise, surprise.
It does.
The meeting is nominally for all the Peak Lords, except that only Shang Qingua, Shen Qingqiu, Liu Qingge and Yue QingYuan are still there, Mu QingFan and Qi Qingqi having been dismissed early. To make matters worse Shen Qingqiu has had no opportunity to catch Airplane Bro up to speed with all the messes that have been created in his absence.
It’s all the hack’s fault really! If only he hadn’t introduced random creatures that injected truth serum into people into this mess of a novel!
Shen Qingqiu coughs, “So what is this additional meeting about then?” he asks politely praying it’s nothing of much import. Of course his luck these days has been worse than abysmal so why does he bother?
“Air-” incoherent mumble Liu Qingge says, while Yue QingYuan watches Shang Qinghua beadily.
“Airplane?” the idiot responds questioningly before Shen Qingqiu can glare him into silence. He starts babbling in chinglish until Shen Qingqiu jabs him meaningfully with his fan where he promptly shuts up.
“Uh, I mean what is this word Peak Lord Liu? Are you alright? Are you having a qi deviation? Should we summon help and-”
Shen Qingqiu masterfully resists the impulse to bury his head in his hands. Just his luck to be stuck here with an idiot.
“What did that woman want from you?” Yue QingYuan asks, completely sidestepping Shang Qinghua’s inane babble.
Shen Qingqiu subtly steps on Shang Qinghua’s foot as the idiot begins to open his mouth again .
“Ow, Ow! Bro- Shen-Shixiong why would you do that? My poor foot, what happened to us being friends -”
Heavens save him. He may as well have screamed shut up you fool for all the subtlety that Airplane Bro has just reacted with.
“Perhaps Shen-shidi should leave us for some time,” Yue QingYuan says, and there’s a little furrow in between his brows.
Seeing no choice, Shen Qingqiu leaves and the doors are shut behind him but he makes sure not to go far, desperately hoping he can try and eavesdrop on something. It’s not to be. He curses thick doors and thicker hack authors as he resigns himself to having to wait.
Both Yue QingYuan and Liu Qingge look rather pale when the door opens again and both avoid his eyes.
“Come on bro,” Shang Qinghua says and drags him off.
On the way back to An Ding Peak Shang Qinghua fills him in on the bare bones of the conversation he had missed. Essentially they had asked him what the woman had wanted- what he’d told her and how he knew all his information. Shang Qinghua had retaliated by informing both men of information from their pasts that he had absolutely no right to know.
Unless of course he was the man who had written their lives.
Yue QingYuan had finished by informing Shang Qinghua that this meant he had a duty to use his knowledge for good (however he had obtained it) and also “To keep his loose lips shut”.
It did not seem that either of the two men had entirely swallowed the idea that Shang Qinghua was some kind of heavenly official- nor had they stumbled on the actual truth which was they were from an alternative dimension where Shang Qinghua had written 6,666 chapters of mediocre plot and increasingly bad porn. Which was useful. If only because Shen Qingqiu would never have to look Liu Qingge in the eye and admit that he’d read it.
“We’re not gods, we’re millennials,” Shen Qingqiu says longsufferingly once they’re back in Shang Qinghua’s office, “How are we supposed to help anyone?”
“I mean I dunno bro, we know Baby Shark. That basically makes us gods in this world right?”
“I said help Airplane-bro, not prematurely drive to insanity!” he cuts back sharply.
“This could be a good thing though, right bro?” Shang Qinghua says thoughtfully, “Like we could finally tell them all that the protag is not dead, and is very angry, and kind of wants to kill you? Oh and also a half heavenly demon. “ Shang Qingua almost seems to reflect on what he just said, “Okay yeah that might be a lot to take in, but we could still tell them?”
Any reply Shen Qingqiu may have made is cut off by an ear piercing screech from the system.
“Plot Holes Plot Holes!! Plot Awesomeness reduced by 4,000 points- reason unfounded deus ex machina, Protagonist Satisfaction reduced by 300 points. Are you sure you want to proceed with this current path?”
“NO!” Shen Qingqiu shouts and thankfully the system shuts up after that. Judging by the wince on Shang Qingua’s face he hadn’t been spared that barrage of electronic screaming either.
“Okay,” he says after some time, “It seems that we can imply that we know more than we do, but we can’t actually divulge any plot points without-” he gestures to their ears, “- that happening again. All in favour of not telling plot points?” He asks.
“Oh for sure bro, anything to stop that -” Shang Qinghua mimics his gesture, “-happening again. We could still teach the disciples Baby shark though?”
Shen Qingqiu shrieks and hits Shang Qinghua over the head with his fan several times for good measure.
A few days later he’s visiting An Ding peak and he hears a few familiar strains from training disciples. He marches to Shang Qinghua’s office fan brandished out but is informed by a disciple that Peak Lord Shang is out today.
As if!
“Keep your cursed disciples off my peak!” he shouts at the (closed) office window and leaves.
Another few days later he’s going to visit Liu-Shidi and hears the same thing. He screams.
He’s humming Baby Shark all the way back to Qing Jing Peak.
They’re in Shen Qingqiu’s hut for a change, and Shang Qinghua is draped over a chair in a way that Shen Qingqiu is sure has to be uncomfortable. Several empty plates lie around and Shen Qingqiu’s feeling rather full so he’s decided to forgo a chair to lounge on his bed.
“Do you reckon now that loads of people think we created the world and keep coming to me for answers we should try and help them?” Shang Qinghua asks and Shen Qingqiu can hear him fiddling with his chopsticks.
“You did create this world,” Shen Qingqiu points out, “And I don’t think you’re capable of helping anyone. It would probably be a better use of our time to stop you from being outed as a spy.”
“Rude bro, I could totally help people. We could write like a guide to all the rare plants and creatures and how to defeat them. I had a bunch of this kind of stuff written down in unpublished extras anyway, it wouldn’t be too hard.” Shang Qinghua shoots back.
Shen Qingqiu cracks open one of his eyes to glare at Airplane, “You want to create cheat sheets for the general public? Have everyone traipsing off to find the Sun and Moon Dew flower? I’m sure the protag will just love to read the cheat sheet when he gets out of the abyss in a few years, maybe he could find some extra cruel way to kill me!” He pauses and shuts his eyes again.
“No, let’s not share out all our secret knowledge which is probably the only reason for our continued existence. Still… You wouldn’t happen to have drafts of Proud Immortal Demon Way lying around by chance?” Shen Qingqiu asks, not really hoping, but maybe.
“Cucumber-bro! I knew you were a fan! Do you want to reread it?”
“ No way ,” he says quickly, and fan? Shen Qingqiu is no fan of that trash fire of a novel! “I was just thinking that maybe if we showed it to Sect leader and Liu Shidi- and just them, we could pretend that someone else wrote it, and we just read it- and that you’re not actually a god and then people might leave us alone.”
“Sorry Cucumber-bro, I don’t actually have any of it, it felt weird to keep working on it once I found out it was all true you know? I have some other books, but I guess those won’t prove anything. It probably wouldn’t have been ideal though. It’s not like this is really the world I created anyway,” Shang Qinghua says with a sigh, “Not anymore. Not since you showed up and started changing things! I still find it unfair that you can do that even though I’m the author.” He pouts.
Shen Qingqiu rolls his eyes- his eyes are closed but it’s more of the thought that counts. It’s not like he particularly wanted to be in this world either. “Well perhaps if your novel wasn’t such a mess then the system wouldn’t be demanding I clean it up.”
“You’re not even meant to be in this world bro, I’m pretty sure some of the changes you’ve made have created bigger messes not patched them up bro, like- Liu Qingge!”
“What about Liu-Shidi?” Shen Qinqiu asks when it doesn’t seem like Shang Qinghua is about to elaborate.
“Peak Lord Shang, Peak Lord Shen,” a voice comes from behind him and he yelps, and sits up frantically turning to see Liu Qingge, the War God himself, staring at them from the doorway.
“Can we be of any assistance?” he asks, trying to act like he hasn’t just been wrongfooted, caught gossiping about the man he’s talking to while half napping on his bed.
How long had he been standing there?
“I have come to clear your meridians. Because you failed to show up, again .” Liu Qingge informs them, and his expression betrays nothing of his thoughts.
“I’ll just go,” Shang Qinghua squeaks and rather quickly sidles out of the hut. Traitor, he shoots him a look the other man ignores.
Well, nothing for it. He holds out his hand to allow Liu Qingge to impart spiritual energy. Normally he would offer tea, but he’s feeling rather tired and is a little annoyed at the other man’s abrupt entry so he holds off today.
He feels Liu Qingge wrap his fingers around his wrist and neither of them say anything for quite a while. It’s really rather awkward. He mentally curses the system and Airplane’s stupid book for making him wind up in this situation.
Then, finally.
“You are not the same Shen Qingqiu that I knew before the spirit caves.”
??!?!?! What does he say to that? System! System! Give him some help here!
“To ensure smooth playing for other players the system can give you a multiple choice player option here. A. [cruel laugh] you are as stupid as ever, I have tricked you!”
Well that’s needlessly cruel and sounds rather stupid.
“Option B. Attempt to stab Liu Qingge”
Attempt- why only attempt??
“Shen Qingqiu is not as skilled as Liu Qingge in combat.”
…. System are you saying that if I pick option B I will die?
“:-). Option C. Dramatically look out the window and say my qi deviation changed me greatly.”
What is he in? Is he in a stallion novel or a drama? Why is he staring off into the void? His qi deviation- is he as good as admitting guilt?. Damn you system all of these options are terrible.
“Please make your decision for game play to continue!” The system chimes.
Well he doesn’t want to be cruel to Liu Shidi, and he doesn’t particularly want to be dead either. Ugh. Option C it is.
Against his will he can feel his head turning to look out the window and his mouth opening to speak the words.
“My qi deviation changed me greatly.” Oh god, it sounds just as ridiculous as he’d feared it would.
“I have long since suspected,” Liu Qingge says pointedly- and he still hasn’t let go of Shen Qingqiu’s wrist, his fingers light though, not bruising, “That whatever happened was not a mere qi deviation.” He lets go and moves to leave. “You are my Shen-Shixiong, I do not care for whatever happened. You should not blame yourself that your disciple was cast into the abyss.”
“Besides, you are the literature peak lord, Shang Qinghua is in charge of logistics, I’m sure that whatever story you wind up writing will be far more beautiful.”
Well obviously, a toddler could write a better story than Shang Qinghua, and if Shen Qingqiu were to write a story it would have considerably less papapa. Did the word “beautiful” just leave Liu Qingge’s mouth? Oh Liu-Shidi perhaps there is hope for your artistic soul yet!
Liu Qingge had left before Shen Qingqiu could formulate a proper response. And to think that Airplane-bro had so quickly killed him off in the original novel!
Unfortunately despite their combined lack of interest in becoming some kind of guru the word didn’t seem to trickle down to the common people.
“I have come to seek an audience with the useless hack!” Some cried, “I wish to know why this Airbrush” -and how did they even get that?- “decided it would be amusing to wreak havoc on my village for decades!”
“It’s only the right for gods and heavenly officials to be cruel,” some more sycophantic people would say, “I am simply glad that we had this chance to exist.”
Shen Qingqiu scoffs at the last one, go and lick someone else’s boots! The fact that this book exists is cruel enough to those who had to read it!
Besides, to be fair to Airplane Bro he wasn’t responsible for every monster attack (just ones related to the protagonist) all the idiot had done was populate a world with fantastic beasts- half of which were incredibly rare and only meant to show up every 7 centuries or something.
“It’s not like I actually expected this to come true for people,” Airplane bro had complained one night, “If I ever write another story then it’s just going to be happy all round. Go and choke on the happiness!”
The other problem is that a rash of defences along the line of “The talentless hack wrote that I killed your sister, I had no choice!” keep cropping up.
“As if I would bother writing about irrelevant background characters!” Shang Qinghua said with a haughty sniff., “So they can stop blaming their lack of moral character on me .”
It gets so bad that they actually have to make an announcement about it. It’s along the lines of I don’t actually care about any of you. I only bothered to write about people in our sect, the Huan Huan Palace and then a bunch of mythical monsters because it was fun. None of you were actually meant to exist.
Shen Qingqiu hastily edits that last bit in case some more devoted idiots take it as a sign that they shouldn’t exist and do something stupid.
It doesn’t stop people from asking for help, and it certainly doesn’t stop people decrying the name of “Air Brush!” but his fellow transmigrator bro has dealt with worse with reviews on his trash novel Shen Qingqiu is sure. He was one of the people writing them.
He doesn’t quite notice how little time he’s been spending with Liu Qingge in favour of trying to mitigate the disaster of Shang Qinghua’s newfound fame until he’s having his meridians cleared. He realises he hasn’t had Liu-Shidi to tea in such a long time that he hasn’t had to restock the Bai Zhan Peak Lord’s favourite brew of tea along with the rest of his stocks.
Well that’s easy to remedy.
“You should come and visit for tea, Liu-Shidi,” he says kindly, “It’s been such a long time since we last talked, I almost feel like you’ve been avoiding me!”
“You have been spending a lot of time with Peak Lord Shang,” the other man responds, not looking at him and there is almost a touch of bitterness there.
“Mmm, I have, because we’ve been needing to sort out this whole,” he gestures, “Airplane mess. But still! You are free to come and visit me at any time!”
“Am I though?” Liu Qingge asks, “Or am I only coming here because Shang Qinghua wrote it? Are you poisoned by Without a Cure because he thought it would be fun ?” he growls out the last bit, and oh.
“Nobody controls fate Liu-Shidi,” he says softly, “Not even Shang Qinghua’s stupid book. I have you here for tea because I want you to be here and I enjoy your company. I was poisoned by the without a cure because I made a stupid mistake, not because of Airplane’s trashy writing. And you most certainly did not come here in the novel,” he laughs, then sobers up when he remembers why .
“How would you know?” Liu Qingge asks, a little aggressively but sounding rather relieved if Shen Qingqiu can believe his ears.
“When we met in the spirit caves-” a screech runs through his head.
“Approach with caution! Revealing nature of gameplay! Approach with caution!” the system whines.
But this is not revealing the future , he thinks , it’s merely discussing an alternate past- surely that’s permitted ?
A ding, “fine.”
“When we met in the spirit caves you almost died of your qi deviation,” he says gravely, “Had I been…” how to phrase this delicately? “Had I acted differently chances are you would have died. We control our own fates Liu-shidi.”
“Are you saying that the weasel wanted me dead?!” and he’s shouting again, just after Shen Qingqiu had thought that he’d managed to cheer him up!
“No! No, he didn’t, I think he actually quite liked you. He just uh-” how to phrase this delicately?! Oh, no he didn’t want you dead, it was just plot convenient so that your little sister could enter Luo Binghe’s harem- yes that Luo Binghe. Damn you Airplane-bro for writing so much porn .
He gives up on trying to wrangle that minefield and shrugs instead. “He complains a lot, but I think he mostly likes the changes I’ve made. It just confuses him.”
“So why not change it so that your disciple never fell into the abyss? If you can change the writings of a-” Liu Qingge scowls, “-a possible god, then why not go back and change this. Surely you have the ability to cross things out?”
He snorts at that. If only it were so simple. He briefly fantasises about slashing out entire chapters of Proud Immortal Demon Way and purging it from his brain. It would be nice, except for the fact that he’s kind of grown fond of the people here.
He shakes his head still laughing lightly at Liu Qingge who’s folded his arms in some form of defence. “It’s not- there’s no physical book for me to change. It doesn’t exist on this plane of existence,” and way to go, he’s really making him and Airplane bro sound like proper heavenly officials, “All I can do to change things is to act in whatever way I wish. If Airplane bro had written that I solely eat bland food then I couldn’t go and change what he has written. But I can drink this delicious tea with my Liu-Shidi instead, and ask for snacks.”
“Is that just true for you,” and poor Liu-shidi, he still sounds so uncomfortable, “You’re like the weasel. You understand that odd language he speaks-” Shen Qingqiu scoffs, to claim that Shang Qinghua speaks English is bold indeed, “And you know what he’s written. But the rest of us, are we just pawns , doing exactly what he ordered?”
Shen Qingqiu sighs. Liu Qingge might be uncomfortably close to the truth, especially when one considers how everyone’s IQ points drops by 10,000 around the protagonist. That being said, characters have changed . Ming Fan is no longer a bully, Ning YingYing no longer merely follows Luo Binghe around and asks for help. She’s grown into a capable young woman.
Everyday he is still being surprised by things that these characters are doing that he didn't expect.
“To be perfectly honest,” he tells Liu Qingge matter of factly, “Shang Qinghua really only cared about one thing when he was writing-” money “- Luo Binghe. He won’t have written much for you.”
Liu Qingge’s face goes through an interesting mix of contortions.
“The little beast ? Was that why you were so- so lenient on him?” Liu Qingge sounds a mix of enraged and horrified and it makes Shen Qingqiu cast a wary eye on the delicate teacup clutched in the war god’s hand. “But he’s- dead now…” Liu Qingge ends sounding slightly confused.
Oh Liu-shidi, what an astute mind you have, indeed that’s what you’ve been told.
“Sometimes I dream that he’s still alive,” he says instead of confirming or denying that statement, and something that looks almost like jealousy flares over Liu Qingge’s face.
“It scares me- Binghe scares me. He always has,” he finishes. Voicing a thought he’s never really voiced aloud- except to Shang Qinghua- but Airplane Bro already knew Binghe was still alive, and Shen Qingqiu doesn't want to admit to being scared to Airplane Bro of all people.
“He won’t hurt you. I’ll tell you why,” Liu Qingge says resolutely. Shen Qingqiu wants to laugh, Lu Qingge has no idea. Yes because Luo Binghe’s dead- except he isn’t so that doesn’t help.
“Because I’ll look out for you.”
Wait what? Shen Qingqiu wasn’t expecting that . Oh Liu-Shidi you’re too kind, but no one can compete with the Protagonist's halo. He’d kill you if you tried and then we’d both be dead.
Liu Qingge has shifted a little closer to him throughout this conversation. The other man is just as pretty up close and this is so unfair .
He feels what might be the ghost of an arm around his shoulder- but surely
“Cucumber bro! Cucumber bro!” A bundle of limbs and energy bursts into the hut, “I’ve just had a genius ide- Oh,” Shang Qinghua stops and attempts to straighten his robes, “Hello Liu-Shixiong. I, uh, was coming to speak to Peak Lord Shen, but I can see that you’re… busy so I’ll just-”
Shen Qingqiu is not fond of the emphasis that Airplane bro (talentless hack and why has that word been stolen from him!!?) has placed on the word “busy.”
“Peak Lord Shen has told me about the changes you said he made,” Liu Qingge interrupts, looking at Shang Qinghua very intensely and also looking rather displeased.
Airplane bro and Liu-shidi have been talking about him? What! And Why?
“Ahahahah,” Airplane bro laughs nervously, “Good good. You’re not mad right? It was nothing personal I swear- just that well it was because your sis-” thankfully Airplane bro has the good sense to cut himself off there before a murder takes place in Shen Qingqiu’s own home.
“Anyway, I’m just going to leave, see you later.” He waves, “Hit me up later to talk about vaccinations bro,” then he takes off just as quickly as he had come.
“Where were we?” Shen Qingqiu asks after he’s certain that Shang Qinghua has gone, he sees Liu Qingge shift a little towards him. Then Shen Qingqiu snaps his fingers.
“Right! You were promising to protect me from Binghe, which will be completely unnecessary I’m sure,” he coughs a little, “Please don’t. Somehow I feel that if you were to fight him then you wouldn’t come out on top. Even you the undefeated War God.” He smiles to try and soften the blow to his fellow peak lord’s ego. “Of course he’s dead though! So it doesn’t matter!” He then coughs so hard that he chokes.
Liu Qingge starts slapping him on the back and it’s almost kind of nice and- and what is he on about! Concentrate man, you’re trying to save a life here!
“You said we control our own fates,” Liu Qingge says once Shen Qingqiu’s finished choking. Then he starts humming a tune. It takes Shen Qingqiu a moment to identify it as Baby Shark . He stares opened mouthed at Liu Qingge who slowly turns almost as red as Shen Qingqiu feels. The War God hastily tells him goodbye and takes his leave.
What an odd conversation. He goes off to find Airplane Bro instead.
“Right, right, So bro, I was like considering we have respect as people who know shit now I thought we could get away with some wacky stuff. Like introducing vaccines or like good music- not just Baby shark before you start shouting at me again bro. Or I don’t know bro, anything we like bro. And if we introduce vaccines then we’re helping people! So we’re keeping our promise to Yue QingYuan.”
“ Your promise,” he replies pointedly, but decides to consider what Shang Qinghua is saying.
“Maybe,” Shen Qingqiu agrees at last, “But also, actually can we prioritise trying to stop Luo Binghe from killing me first? Or if we do let him kill me, ensure that my vegetable body is nice and safe?”
It sounds like fun. But it’s hard to want to settle back and chill and have fun when Binghe with his protag halo is currently coming for his guts- or his legs. It’s even worse now that Liu Qingge is going to try and fight him in some half cocked idea of independence and fighting fate and what has Sheng Qingqiu done .
Damn you Airplane bro, and your characters who actually have depth and personalities thicker than the paper they were metaphorically written on.
Shen Qingqiu wasn’t meant to feel bad for any of them!
“I’m a god now bro,” Shang Qinghua says, “People rely on me, I really feel like I should give people vaccines now that I’m living here. Smallpox vaccines might already be kicking around but we could always try and introduce the Jennerian method... We might not die of measles- because golden cores- but I actually have no idea how cultivation impacts infectious diseases here.”
“You wrote this book!” He shouts exasperated, “and you’re not even a god! You wrote some trashy novel and then we died and we wound up here at the whim of some system!”
“Yeah bro, but not gonna lie I don’t think my readers would have been particularly interested in a random few chapters dedicated to medical accuracy and science in my stallion novel set in ancient China. And also I’m not the one who went around telling people that “Airplane was a cruel and merciless god”.”
“Because of your stupid creatures that produce truth serum!” he retorts.
“Cucumber-bro, I don’t think that’s the defence you think it is.” Shang Qinghua responds smirking, “But I’m flattered that you truthfully think I’m a god!”
Shen Qingqiu has no response to that so he settles for just hitting the talentless author, now god, with his fan a few times instead.
“We can always work on your-”
“ Our,” Shen Qingqiu interjects, the protagonist is band news for everyone on this peak. (And especially Liu Qingge it’s looking like)
“Our little protag problem alongside bringing this world into the modern age. Honestly if I’d known I was going to be stuck here then I would have written in burgers and put up with the extra flames.” Shang Qingua moans. “Maybe we can even use some of our innovations to find a better plan for you than killing you!”
Why does it sound so much worse when you put it like that Airplane Bro?
But maybe there is some merit to Shang Qinghua’s rambles, perhaps there is something to exploit now that the other man is pretty much regarded as a god amongst the common peoples. Of course it does depend slightly on how far exactly his reputation has spread but-
Wait.
“Does Mobei-Jun know about your new… well your new status?” Shen Qingqiu asks urgently. Because if he knows this could spell bad news for Airplane bro and then who will grow his vegetable body. Not because he’d miss him or not want him to die a hideous painful death.
Obviously.
Shang Qinghua blanches and chokes. “I haven’t spoken to him since I last returned to An Ding Peak. Oh god. I’m so dead, I’m even more dead than you Cucumber-bro. He’s never going to want to spend time with me now . He’s a demon .”
Suddenly there’s a bundle of Airplane bro sobbing into his chest and snotting all over him. Shen Qingqiu gives him ten seconds because death is perfectly reasonable to be afraid of, and then shoves him off.
“You’re not going to die, and I’m not going to die, and no one in this sect is going to die because we’re going to sort this out!”
“And no one is going to die of measles.” he adds as an afterthought. It gets him a watery smile. “We have the cheat sheets to this world. If there’s a solution we can find it.”
Unfortunately it’s harder to actually find a solution than it is to say that they’re going to find one. Actually spreading vaccines might be the easiest job for them to tackle.
It’s also been entirely radio silence from Mobei-Jun and for whatever reason this seems to actually upset Airplane-bro more than please him.
Shen Qingqiu wishes that his demonic problem would give him radio silence for the rest of his life. He’s rather attached to his legs.
Both literally and metaphorically.
They have the vegetable body growing on the back burner, and they’re working on gathering swabs of various diseases. They’re trying to work out whether it’s worth trying to get Mu Qingfang involved. On the one hand he probably knows more than them about how to make these swabs less dangerous. On the other hand there is definitely a chance of friction. Just because Shang Qinghua is generally recognised as a “god” they don’t particularly want to throw his weight around.
As part of their vaccine campaign they are now dealing with a fantastical plague outbreak. Well, Shen Qingqiu would be here anyway , and so would Liu Qingge probably. But Shang Qinghua is definitely only here because they’re vaguely interested as to whether one can vaccine against demonic illnesses too.
It’s certainly not because of his bravery or his fighting skills.
It’s also rather awkward because Shang Qinghua is clearly both intensely amused by something and terrified of Liu Qingge who keeps glaring at Airplane bro.
That’s normally his job, but Liu-shidi can have it too he guesses. Sharing is caring.
But between his two companions he can’t help but feel like a child who is desperately trying to get his friends to get on.
Unsuccessfully.
“Why don’t you two go off and look for the sower together?” Shang Qinghua offers after about half an hour of this. “Just you two, I’ll go… well I’ll go do something else,” he shrugs and he has a look that Shen Qingqiu does not trust at all on his face.
“How do you know it’s a sower?” Liu Qingge asks suspiciously.
“I’m Airplane-bro!” Shang Qinghua responds easily.
“Airplane the Talentless Hack knows all, of course. How could I forget.” Liu Qingge doesn’t sound pleased at all.
Shen Qingqiu chokes at that. He’s relatively certain that Liu Qingge doesn't know what “talentless hack” means but it’s still very funny to hear Liu Qingge say that. Also when did Liu Qingge learn the correct version of Airplane’s user ID?
“You should use your full heavenly title more often Airplane bro,” he says, smiling smugly. It gets him a narrowed look.
“And here’s me trying to be nice and give you two some time to hang out but you bully me!” Shang Qinghua shouts, waving his hands.
“Liu-shidi and I can’t go off together though.” Liu Qingge who had gotten very close to him goes rigid. “Who would look after your useless being?” He shakes his head. “No Liu-Shidi, will you look after Shang Qinghua for me?”
Liu Qingge’s face twitches but he nods once.
“Thank you! Maybe we can go get food once Airplane the Talentless Hack has gone to his peak and doesn’t need babysitting.” He says that last bit more harshly.
Then he goes off to deal with the sower.
He’s been infected with the disease and that’s not even the worst of his problems and how is that not the worst of his problems when he’s been infected with a demonic infection which causes all your skin to rot off?
But no, it’s not his biggest problem because Luo Binghe is staring across from him and he’s not meant to be back yet .
“Shizun.”
Goodbye legs, he thinks mournfully. You have treated me well these past few years. You’ve always carried me well.
He’s not going to be able to hit Shang Qinghua with his fan. And it’s not going to matter if you can vaccinate against demonic illnesses or if they can get the measles vaccine to work out because everyone is going to be dead .
He’s never going to drink tea with Liu Qingge again, and he’s never going to have that exasperated expression when he’s forgotten to go get his meridians checked up on again.
There’s so much here he’s going to miss , and these people don’t deserve to die.
Damn you Shang Qinghua damn you and your overpowered, brutal, cruel protagonist who is going to kill children .
Why did you write this?
He didn’t see him move but now Binghe is right in front of him and the palace master is saying that Qingqiu caused this infection?
What?
He doesn’t want to die. He doesn't want Liu Qingge to die, he doesn’t want Airplane Bro to die.
You don’t have to do this, he wants to say. Except that Luo Binghe does because that’s what Shang Qinghua wrote, and that’s how Proud Immortal Demon Way goes. Everyone who gets on the wrong side of Xin Mo dies.
“Said enough bullshit yet?” the sneering voice of Liu Qingge calls out.
Suddenly he’s flanked by Airplane-bro to his right and Liu Qingge to his left.
Don’t fight him, he thinks desperately.
Do fight him.
“The dream master is just messing with you and the old palace master just wants to use you!” Shang Qinghua blurts out of nowhere, drawing Luo Binghe’s attention to him.
Oh Airplane bro, you poor idiotic fool. You’re too kind to me. Run off while you still can!
“Really now,” Luo Binghe says, and he almost seems interested, but all his expressions are twisted and nothing like the white lotus he had known.
“I’ve heard talk about you, Airbrush . I never thought you were particularly interesting, but I guess there must be a reason that Shizun thought you were worthy of his company. You may have written this world, but I assure you that you will never be able to predict me . Would you have ever predicted th-”
All three of the peak lords cough.
“Actually I wrote the most about you so I probably understand you the best and-” Shang Qinghua shuts up with a squeak as Luo Binghe takes a step forward and Shen Qingqiu drags his fellow transmigrator behind him.
To his left Liu Qingge takes a step forward.
Liu-shidi what are you doing?!
“There is no fate ruling over us,” Liu Qingge says and Binghe turns to the War god instead of the Logistics peak lord cum Heavenly overlord.
“We make our own choices by deciding our own actions,” Liu Qingge raises his sword.
Liu Qingge is too good at fighting to consider taking his eyes off his opponent for a moment, but if this were a cliche novel written by Airplane bro then he would probably be looking at Shen Qingqiu himself for his last line.
“Tell me that you wrote this , Airplane Talentless Hack.”
The clash of Cheng Luan and Xin Mo fills his ears.