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our firsts

Summary:

Arthur looks back on he and Merlin’s firsts.

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Arthur woke with a grunt when a bright light flooded his vision. Once his eyes adjusted to the light spilling through the windows, he shifted himself a little to look down at the boy beside him. His heart fluttered when he saw just how peaceful Merlin looked when he slept, like he had nothing to worry about. He had one arm draped over Arthur's waist and the other was underneath his head as he curled into Arthur's side. 

In the mornings, Arthur liked to fondly look down at his lover and take in his beauty. Everything from the way the sunlight peered through the curtains, creating an angel-like glow on his raven locks to the way his lips were parted ever so slightly. Every year on the anniversary of their first kiss, Arthur found himself lying in bed and thinking back to the past.

The first time they met, the first time Arthur's heart fluttered in his presence, the time he became his servant, the first time Merlin saved his life, the first time Arthur worried for the other's safety, the time he realised he was in love with Merlin, their first kiss, the time they got together, the first time he cried over his lover, the first time he felt truly happy.

***

The first time Arthur saw Merlin, he was convinced he was a disrespectful child that needed to be put in his place. Well, in fact he was a disrespectful child who needed to be put in his place, but he was so much more than that.

The day started out like any normal day for the Prince of Camelot. He was woken up by his manservant, George, like he normally would. The servant would politely shake his shoulders or prod his arm until he awoke which annoyed Arthur but he supposed it was better than him smacking pots together like some of the Knights do.

After Arthur woke and his eyes adjusted to the light that was spilling in the room from the now open curtains, he unravelled himself from the warm blankets and stumbled his way over to the table where he slumped down into his chair and began eating the breakfast his servant had brought him.

"What duties do I have today?" he asked as he watch his servant obediently stroll around his chambers and pick up stray clothing.

"You have training with the knights sire" He replied as he clasped his hands behind his back.

Arthur nodded in response and continued to eat his food until every last crumb was gone. He then stood up and made his way over to the changing screen where he found his clothes already hanging over the side for him. Though, the Prince wasn't exactly fond of his Manservant, he had to admit he was extremely obedient and did any task within a matter of hours. He was extremely organised and did a good job with the cleaning.

After George had the Prince dressed and ready for training, the two walked in silence to the fields. Arthur always found the sound of his servant's boots clicking on the cobblestone floors behind him utterly annoying, yet he put up with it because George was the best servant he's had in a long time. Once they arrived at the training fields, George handed the Prince his newly sharpened sword and stood off to the side as he awaited further instructions.

Arthur was fighting impeccably well, as usual. He was moving in graceful circles, as was his opponent, and was taking every possible chance to make a hit. Everything was going fine until he caught a glimpse of something red moving through a crowd of people. His eyes were instantly drawn to the scene and he was surprised to see a younger boy trying to weave his way through the crowd.

His first thought was that he had never seen the boy before and he was curious as to why he was here. From the looks of his attire, he was a 'country kid' as he called it, wearing a brown backpack which led Arthur to think he was moving here permanently.

Arthur hadn't even realised he had been staring until he felt a sharp pain in his arm. He shot his head back around to see blood pooling from underneath his chain mail.

"I’m sorry Sire, I didn't realise you weren't looking!" The Knight quickly apologised.

"It’s quite alright, i'll go see Gaius" The prince assured him and walked off to the physician chambers, his manservant a few paces behind.

The Prince relieved his servant for the day and headed to Gaius' chambers by himself. He tried not to think about the throbbing pain in his arm and the feeling of the warm blood trickling down his arm, and instead thought about the person that caused his injuries in the first place. He wasn't even sure why he was so intrigued by the boy who he hadn't even been within a meter of yet, but something about him stuck with him. 

He felt relief wash over him at the sight of the familiar brown door. Arthur would never admit it but the sight of blood did make him woozy and he was sure if he had to think about the blood trickling down his arm he would no doubt pass out and that would not go over well with his father.

Since Arthur was Prince, he didn't bother knocking, though, he knew it was someone's private chambers. He pushed the door open, expecting to see Gaius hunched over the table with books and potions scattered everywhere. Instead, he was met with the same red that caused this whole ordeal in the first place.

Arthur cleared his throat, causing the boy to abruptly drop his belongings and turn around. The second Arthur caught a glimpse of his face, he felt his heart flipped in his chest. There was no denying it, the boy was extremely attractive. He had scruffy black hair that only just covered his large ears, incredibly sharp cheekbones that left Arthur wondering how they didn't just tear through his soft skin, though what drew Arthur in the most were his eyes. They were a breathtakingly blue colour, much like his own, that were looking back at him with so much emotion in them.

"Can i help you?" he asked after a few moments of silence, and god his voice was even attractive. It was much deeper than he thought it would be. 

"Oh yes, I came to see Gaius but it would appear he isn't here" Arthur gestured to his bleeding arm.

"no, it would appear not, but i can fix that for you" 

Arthur wanted to laugh at that. The boy in front of him looked no more than a lowly servant, especially with the state of his clothes.

"No, it's alright. I think i'll just wait for Gaius"

"Oh come on you prat, you cant just let it bleed like that until he gets back" The boy rolled his eyes and grabbed Arthur's arm, gently tugging him toward the patient cot and pushed him down.

"You can't call me that!" Arthur scoffed, Who does this kid think he is to talk to the future king of Camelot in that manner.

"What are you, the king?" The boy retorted as he looked around Gaius' chambers, trying to find the supplies he needed.

Arthur instantly straightened his posture and looked at the boy with an absurd amount of pride, "No, I’m his son"

To his dismay, the boy merely hummed in response and continued to bustle about in the physician chambers until he found what he appeared to be looking for. He walked back over to Arthur with bandages and some weird looking vile's in hand and sat himself on the side of the cot next to him.

"You know what you're doing right?" The Prince pulled his arm away before the boy got to it.

"I was a healer in my old village, also i'm the new physician apprentice" The boy smiled reassuringly before he reached out and gently pulled Arthur's arm towards him.

Though the Prince didn't trust this boy at all, he agreed it wasn't a good idea to wait for Gaius so he hesitantly let him treat his wound. He watched as the boy carefully took Arthur's armour and chain mail off before he began cleaning the wound. Arthur was surprised at how much care and precision the boy took, as well as how focused he was on the job. His eyes were wide and focused as he carefully dressed the room, pupils darting between the wound and the bandages in his hand. 

"Alright, try not to move your arm too much or it will bleed again" The boy smiled and stood up.

Arthur too stood up and awkwardly clenched his fists together as he thought about his next move. A comfortable silence fell upon the two as they stood near the cot, both of them looking around the room for a conversation started.

"Are you new here?" Arthur asked after a while. He really didn’t know why he was making conversation with this boy, but there was something about him that made Arthur want to get to know him. 

The boy smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I’m from Elador"

"I have never been there but i have heard good things"

"Yea, it’s one of the best villages there is. Anyway, i'm sure you have Prince-y things to do and i have to clean up before Gaius gets back" Merlin said as he walked over to the door and opened it, practically pushing the Prince out.

Arthur was a little disappointed the two had to end their conversation-though he wasn't sure why- but realised he did have other commitments. "Yes, well thank you-" Arthur trailed off.

"Merlin"

 Arthur smiled and whispered his name before looking back up at him.  "Arthur"

***

The first time Merlin saved Arthur's life, he was ready to put the boy in the stocks for doing something so utterly stupid. Though, that was also when he realised just how loyal of a servant he was.

The Knights, The prince and his manservant were on one of their usual hunts that consisted of Gwaine telling stories about apples and ale while the others slouched their backs as they were forced to listen. Merlin, like usual, was four paces behind Arthur while he watched their surroundings for trouble. Ever since the great dragon told him of his destiny to protect the Prince so he can be the once and future King of Camelot, Merlin was extremely cautious.

Everything was going fine until a sudden rustle was heard in the bushes. Gwaine instantly quietened and drew his sword, along with the others, as they scanned the areas. All of a sudden, about 15 bandits came out of the bushes and started to close in on the group. Arthur, Merlin and the knights were off of their horses with their swords drawn instantly. The Prince ordered his servant to run and hide, but of course Merlin wasn't the type to follow orders.

He ran off behind some bushes so he was close enough to watch the group, while also being far enough away that he couldn't be seen by anyone. Merlin used his magic when he needed to, making branches fall or summoning wind loud enough to distract the bandits so the Knights could knock them down.

It wasn't until there were 4 bandits left did it happen. While the knights were distracted with the other 2 bandits, one of them distracted Prince long enough for the other to sneak up behind him and raise their sword to his head. Merlin didn't even realise he was running towards them until he had pushed Arthur to the ground and took his place, causing the sword to go through his stomach. 

Arthur's eyes widened when he saw his manservant standing in front of him holding his stomach with blood pooling between his fingers. Merlin looked back at Arthur with horrified eyes before his knees gave out and he collapsed. Arthur was immediately by his side and pressing Merlin's hands to the wound, desperately trying to stop the blood flow. His heart dropped to his stomach when a thin layer of blood escaped his lips and slowly trickled down the side of his mouth and landing on the forest floor.

"Why would you do that?" Arthur almost growled, putting more pressure on the wound.

Merlin slowly looked back up at him and smiled as best he could. "S-save..you" he said before his eyes fluttered closed and the hands underneath Arthur's grew limp.

"We need to get back to Gaius" Lancelot said before he moved to pick Merlin up, only to be stopped by the Prince himself as he picked up Merlin's limp body and took him back to his horse. The first thought on his mind as he hauled the boy into his horse was how light he was. He hadn't known the boy for more than a month but he knew the boy was underweight which led him to think if he was even fed back in Elador.

The second the group arrived back to Camelot, Arthur shoved the reins of his horse to a stable hand and rushed to the physician chambers. The citizens and servants were shocked to see the crowned Prince of Camelot rushing through the halls, carrying a limp servant in his arms but they said nothing about it, for they knew it was not their place. Arthur kicked the door open with his foot and followed Gaius' instructions to place him on the patient cot. He moved aside and briefly looked back at the Knights before he looked back at his servant. 

He would never admit it to anyone, but he was worried. Merlin had a lasting effect on the Prince since day one and though he had only been his servant for less than a month, Merlin was easily the best servant Arthur had ever had. Though he was clumsy and managed to spill his breakfast on occasion, there was also a friendly demeanour to him. His previous manservant was extremely by the book and would hardly ever joke, the one time Arthur managed to get George to loosen up and joke, he told a joke about brass. Merlin was different to anyone he'd ever met. He would constantly joke around and insult Arthur, he wasn't afraid to stand up to anyone despite their stance and he always had a smile on his face that shone greater than the sun.

"He should be okay, the sword missed all the important organs. He will be extremely exhausted and probably wont wake up for another day or so" Gaius said to the group, already beginning to clean up the mess of bloody bandages.

Arthur's shoulders visibly loosened as he looked over at his servant who was peacefully sleeping. “I will have another servant bring me my meals" He said before he walked over to the door. He rested his hand on the handle and pursed his lips as he turned back to face Gaius. "Let me know if anything changes"

Two days later Merlin was finally healed enough to return back to work and Arthur was glad. Now that he was used to Merlin's dorky personality, going back to a servant who constantly did everything right felt natural and he missed Merlin.

"I see you're better" Arthur said as Merlin walked in the room and placed his dinner on the table.

Merlin turned to face him and smiled. "Yep, it still hurts but Gaius said that's normal"

Arthur nodded in response and walked over to his food. He watched as Merlin walked around his chambers with the usual spring back in his step but every now and again he would wince in pain. He felt a little guilty for having him work just two days after he was nearly killed but at the same time he was a servant and that was his job.

"Well I will be going, unless I am needed" Merlin clasped his hands behind his back and waited for further instructions.

"You may go" 

Merlin smiled at him and headed for the door but before he could open it, he was stopped by the Prince's voice. He turned back around to see the Prince looking at him with an unreadable expression.

"Dont ever do that again" 

***

The first time he realised he was in love with Merlin, he refused to admit it until one day he couldn't.

The Prince, Merlin and the Knights of the round table were out on a hunt when Merlin found an injured owl. He carefully picked it up and checked for any other injuries, careful not to touch it's damaged wing. As soon as Arthur saw Merlin with the owl he knew exactly what the boy was going to ask and he wasn't going to allow it. There was no way his father would allow a servant to keep an animal in his kingdom.

"No, absolutely not!" Arthur stated firmly with a shake of his head.

"I cant leave him out here, he's in pain! Also, other birds will kill him if he doesn't die from the cold first" Merlin explained, looking up at Arthur with pleading eyes.

Arthur wanted to say no, he really did. But seeing the glint in the Raven's eyes as he looked down at the owl, carefully caressing it's head with his thumb made his stomach swirl. He groaned and agreed to take it back to Camelot, as long as Merlin kept it in Gaius' chambers and he let it free as soon as it was healed.

Merlin practically squealed like a girl and took of his neckerchief to keep the owl warm. Arthur's breath stopped in his throat when he caught sight of the soft milky white skin that flowed over his hallow collar bones. Though, he wasn't looking at his manservant's features, he was looking at the large scar on his neck that looked like it could be from a dagger. His blood boiled at the thought of someone holding a knife to Merlin's skin and hurting him, how dare someone hurt his Merlin. Well, he wasn't 'his' Merlin but he was his manservant so technically he did own him.

The next few days, Arthur didn't see as much of Merlin as he used to. The boy was always in his chambers tending to the owl. He would wrap it in his neckerchief and tend to it's every need which included rehabilitating it's wing. Arthur would rather be caught dead than admit he missed his servant but there was no denying it, he did. 

Arthur wasn't aware he had left his chambers in the middle of the night until he showed up outside the physician chambers. He looked around the room until he spotted his servant and his heart fluttered at the sight in front of him. Merlin was curled up by the fire with the owl wrapped tightly in his neckerchief by his side. He quietly moved forward, careful not to wake he or Gaius and squatted by his side. 

He wasn't sure what possessed him to do it. Maybe it was the dim shadow's of the flames reflecting on his soft skin or the way his eyelashes brushed against his cheek but he found himself gently brushing the hair away from his forehead, letting his thumb linger just above his eyebrow before he retracted it with wide eyes.

He couldn't believe he had just shown affection to his servant, a male no less. His father had always told him not to make friends or get involved with anyone while there were more important matters at hand. The only time he had ever felt this way about someone before Merlin was with Gwen, Morgana's maidservant. The two fell in love and courted each other for a while until she cheated on him with Lancelot. It wasn't until she left the castle to be with him did he realise he wasn't truly in love with her, he just loved the idea of being with someone. That led him to important question, was he in love with Merlin?

He thought about it on the way back to his chambers and the more he tried to deny it, the more plausible it seemed. Love would explain the way his heart skipped a beat at the mere mention of his name and how that bright grin always managed to brighten up his day.It would also explain  how comfortable he was around the boy, why he never pulled him up on his manners and why he would constantly feel the need to joke about with his servant.

Arthur groaned as he flopped onto his bed and thought about his past encounters with Merlin and that's when he finally accepted it: The prince of Camelot was in love with his servant

***

As for their first kiss, both Arthur and Merlin remember that day like they remember their own names.

Merlin was alone in the corner of the room, staring blankly at a specific spot in front of him as silent tears slid down his face. The castle had just came back from Gaius' funeral and Merlin couldn't bare any more of the sympathy pats on the back from the Knights or the servants sending their condolences. The second he stepped foot inside the chambers he and Gaius had shared for years something inside him broke and he realised he would never see the man anymore. 

He sat on the hard wooden floors with his knees drawn to his chest, silently sobbing until he eventually ran out of tears to cry. Now, he was just sitting in silence as he stared at a specific vile of liquid that seemed to stand out. Gaius had said never to go near it because it has the power to kill a horse on the spot and for once, Merlin followed his order's and promised to steer clear of his vials all together. But now in the state he was in, he felt drawn to the specific potion and it dawned upon him that all he had to do was stand up, walk a few paces and end his pain.

Despite feeling like he was drowning in his pain to the point where breathing seemed like an effort, he couldn't escape the feeling of being needed. Of course, he did have a destiny to keep Arthur safe but when it came down to it, no one really needed him. Arthur had managed to keep himself safe for the years before Merlin's arrival and he could very well continue if Merlin wasn't around anymore.

Merlin was so distracted with his thoughts he didn't even notice the second presence in the room until he felt someone lightly press their hand on his knee. He knew exactly who it was as soon as his nose picked up their comforting scent, yet he couldn't seem to break his gaze.

Arthur felt his heart break inside him when he saw the pain in Merlin's eyes. During the 3 years he had known Merlin, he had never seen him cry, he always had a ridiculously bubbly attitude and wore a smile that showed one too many teeth, though no one was complaining.

He followed Merlin's gaze to the many vials of potions Gaius had and one particular vial stood out. He too had been warned never to go near that potion as it was only used to put someone out of their misery and it was extremely dangerous for anyone healthy. Though he didn't want to believe it, there was only one reason he could think of that Merlin was looking at that potion in particular and he decided he was going to make him feel better.

"He’s gone" Merlin said, keeping his eyes trained ahead.

Arthur turned his gaze back to his friend and nodded sadly, unsure of what to do. He had never really been one for emotions or feelings and he had never had to comfort anyone. During his time with Gwen, he had only seen her upset once and it was easy to handle because she talked about her feelings, whereas Merlin kept everything to himself.

"It will be okay" Arthur assured him, squeezing his knee. He knew what he said was somewhat true, but it wasn’t the most reassuring thing he could say.

Merlin let out a watery chuckle and broke his gaze to look at the blonde. "How is it going to be okay? My only father has just died and now I am alone again"

"You have me" Arthur whispered before he could think about it. Luckily, Merlin didn't laugh at him or make a big deal out of Arthur showing his caring side, he simply turned his head and smiled fondly as he looked back into his eyes.

Maybe it was because Merlin was sad and needed cheering up, or maybe it was the way the tear tracks on his cheeks were reflecting in the candle light but he was unable to stop himself from placing his hand on his manservant's cheeks and wiping the tears away with his thumb. He melted inside when Merlin closed his eyes and lent into the touch.

When Merlin opened his eyes again and Arthur caught a glimpse of the glisten in them, he suddenly couldn't stop himself from leaning forward and pressing their lips together. His eyes widened when he realised his lips were now on the others but his worries melted away when Merlin shifted closer and began to kiss back with equal fire.

The kiss itself was everything the two had dreamed of, and more. Their lips fit perfectly like two pieces of a puzzle as they moved together in perfect sync. Unfortunately, the need for air soon became a priority and the boys were forced to pull apart before they passed out.

***

The first time Arthur cried for Merlin, he felt like his entire world would come crashing down around him.

Arthur mumbled a quick sorry for what must have been the billionth time after he bumped into yet another servant while running through the castle. This morning, Arthur had been woken up by someone shaking his shoulders instead of light blinding his eyes, accompanied by an irritating 'rise and shine'. When asked, George said that no one had seen Merlin this morning which made worry stir in the Prince's stomach. Merlin was always up at the crack of dawn with the other citizens of Camelot and he was always the first person anyone saw of a morning as he waltzed around the castle, stopping to talk to a few people on the way.

Arthur instantly shot up out of his bed and ran out of his chambers. He couldn't help but feel concerned that Merlin hadn't been seen and he wanted to be the one to make sure he was okay. He ran through the halls, mumbling a few 'sorry's as he accidentally bumped into a few people. As soon as he got to the brown door he pushed it open and looked around for his lover.

His heart dropped to his stomach when he saw  Merlin lying on the hard floor with blood running down the side of his face. Arthur instantly fell to his knees at his side and tried to wake him up while also trying to keep his worry in check.

"Merlin, come on open your pretty eyes for me" He begged, lightly but firmly tapping his cheek.

When Merlin didn't wake up, he carefully picked him up and placed him on his bed before he sprinted outside and ordered a servant to fetch the court Physician. He ran back to Merlin's side and intertwined their fingers together while gently patting his cheek, trying to get him to wake up.

After what seemed like hours of waiting, the court physician burst through the doors and moved Arthur out of the way so he could check over his ward. Arthur stood back and nervously bit his fingernail as he watched the physician move Merlin's head side to side like a rag-doll.

"Is he going to be okay?" Arthur asked, rushing back to Merlin’s side once there was room to do so.

"It would appear he was hit over the head with a piece of wood, he has a concussion and a possible hairline fracture on the skull but he should make a full recovery. He will be out of work for a few weeks though" The physician said as he began cleaning the blood of the side of his face and stitching the wound.

After he tended to the wound, he left the two boys in private. Arthur instantly dropped to his knees beside the bed and put his hand on Merlin's chest, hoping that the calm beats of his heart would be enough to calm his racing one. 

"Merlin" Arthur whispered, "I’m so sorry" 

He knew it wasn't his fault Merlin was attacked but ever since the two started courting, Arthur felt it was his duty to protect his love and take care of him. Seeing Merlin's fragile body lying on the hard floor with blood streaming down his face sent chills down his spine.

He felt tears prick the back of his eyes as he watched Merlin's stomach rise and fall too slowly for Arthur's liking. He knew he was in love with his servant for years now but seeing him hurt made him realise just how much he loved him, it also made him think how miserable life without him would be.

Imagining life without Merlin's sunny smile or his bubbly laugh was enough to send warm tears sliding freely down his cheeks and for the first time, he let them. His father had always told him crying was a sign of weakness and a good Prince doesn't cry but his father wasn't here anymore and Merlin had convinced him that crying wasn't sign of weakness and made you stronger.

"I'm so sorry" He sobbed quietly as he pressed his lips to his lovers forehead. "I promised to keep you safe and I failed"

It wasn't until he felt a soft hand on his cheek did he stop crying. The weight on his shoulders instantly eased when he saw Merlin's blue orbs looking back at him.

"It’s not your fault, dont blame yourself" he smiled weakly. “Please?"

Arthur chuckled and pressed his lips to his loves briefly before burying his head in Merlin's neck, letting his signature smell calm the nerves in him. 

***

The first time he felt so genuinely happy was also the day he realised he wanted to be with Merlin forever.

Arthur had suggested the two go for a hunt to get away from the castle and while Merlin absolutely despised hunting, he jumped at the chance to be alone with his king for a few hours. The two rode in comfortable silence, simply bathing in each others presence while they took in the features of the forest.

After they rode a further enough distance away from the Castle that they wouldn't be disturbed, Arthur suggested they stop to give the horses a break. Merlin slid off his horse and took them down to a nearby stream, tethering them to trees just by the edge so they could freely drink if they pleased.

Arthur smiled fondly at his love and intertwined their fingers, pulling him towards a wildflower field he had seen on the way there. He knew how much Merlin loved flowers and nature and he figured lying in a wildflower field would be what they needed after being so busy at the castle. 

The two chatted to each other about whatever crossed their minds until they arrived at the field. Arthur gently pulled Merlin into a seating position and laid down in the field, contently looking up at the white fluffy clouds. Merlin sat next to his King and began picking the flowers, humming a gently melody as he made a flower crown. The king closed his eyes and smiled as Merlin's soft voice flowed through his ears like the sound of music.

Once Merlin finished with his crown, he set it aside and shifted himself to lie down next to Arthur, intertwining their hands and resting his head against Arthur's. The two laid in comfortable silence, looking up at the fluffy clouds as they made shapes. When Arthur saw a cloud the shape of a heart, he instantly looked over at his lover who was looking up at the sky with a content smile on his face and that was when Arthur knew he never wanted to leave Merlin's side ever again.